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- [Laughing]- ♪ In living color♪
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
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- ♪ In living color♪- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon ♪
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♪ You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon ♪
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- ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪
- Hi-yah!
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ And how would ya...How would ya... How would ya f... ♪
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♪ How would you feel knowingprejudice was obsolete ♪
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♪ And all mankind dancedto the exact beat ♪
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[Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safeto walk down the street ♪
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ In living color♪
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- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
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- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
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- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
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- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
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- [Turntable Scratching]- ♪ In living color♪♪
23
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[Laughing]
24
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All right, Mr. Harris. Are you ready
to make your opening statement?
25
00:01:16,294 --> 00:01:18,228
Yes, I am, Your Honor.
26
00:01:18,296 --> 00:01:21,629
My client has filed a paternity suit to obtain
child support from the father of the child.
27
00:01:21,699 --> 00:01:23,599
And where is the alleged
father of the child?
28
00:01:23,668 --> 00:01:26,535
I wish I could tell you that,
Your Honor, but...
29
00:01:33,144 --> 00:01:37,843
Your Honor, this is the defendant,
Carl "The Tooth" Williams.
30
00:01:37,915 --> 00:01:39,974
Mr. Williams,
is this your attorney?
31
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No, he just hangin'.
32
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,188
- Then are you handling yourself?
- Not right now.
33
00:01:45,256 --> 00:01:47,884
It's kind of hard to get to it,
you know, with the gloves.
34
00:01:47,959 --> 00:01:51,690
Mr. Williams, what I want to know is,
will you be acting as your own lawyer?
35
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:54,755
Well, as the famous scholar
Leon Spinks has said...
36
00:01:54,832 --> 00:01:58,700
"Any boxer who represents himself
has a fool for a client."
37
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,933
- So you will be representing yourself.
- Basically.
38
00:02:02,006 --> 00:02:05,339
Your Honor, I'd like to call
Carl "The Tooth" Williams to the stand...
39
00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:07,344
withoutJabba the Hut.
40
00:02:08,413 --> 00:02:10,847
Uh, please.
41
00:02:10,915 --> 00:02:12,906
Raise your right hand.
42
00:02:20,258 --> 00:02:23,056
- Uh...
- Mr. Williams!
43
00:02:23,127 --> 00:02:26,426
Please raise your right hand!
44
00:02:26,497 --> 00:02:29,330
Oh. It's great. It's great.
45
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Your other right.
46
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S... Skip it.
47
00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:38,999
You promise to tell the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?
48
00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,067
It's all good.
49
00:02:43,448 --> 00:02:48,442
Your Honor, I will prove that this man
was intimate with my client...
50
00:02:48,519 --> 00:02:50,612
the night of May the eighth...
51
00:02:50,688 --> 00:02:53,816
at the Snooty Fox Motel on Crenshaw.
52
00:02:53,891 --> 00:02:57,850
Ah, see, that's a lie 'cause, see,
the Snooty Fox is on Western.
53
00:02:57,929 --> 00:03:00,397
No, actually, it's on Vermont.
Please continue.
54
00:03:00,465 --> 00:03:03,263
- I thought I saw...
- Continue.
55
00:03:03,334 --> 00:03:07,600
Uh, Mr. Williams, my client
was the card girl at your bout...
56
00:03:07,672 --> 00:03:10,436
against Razor Ruddock.
57
00:03:10,508 --> 00:03:12,442
- Do you recognize her?
- Uh, look, man.
58
00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:15,479
Sometime within that whole round,
I was knocked into a coma...
59
00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:17,537
so, you know, I don't really... you know.
60
00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:20,311
And when did you come out of that coma?
[Snickers]
61
00:03:20,384 --> 00:03:22,784
Uh, very soon, hopefully.
62
00:03:25,590 --> 00:03:27,524
Okay!
63
00:03:31,095 --> 00:03:35,088
If it pleases the court,
I'd like to show you Exhibit "A."
64
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,735
"A" is for Apple, "J" is forJack.
65
00:03:39,804 --> 00:03:41,795
Cinnamon-toasted AppleJacks.
66
00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:44,273
Order! Get to the point, please.
67
00:03:44,342 --> 00:03:47,243
- You need a good breakfast, and that where it's at.
- Mr. Harris.
68
00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:49,370
All right. It started off
with AppleJacks.
69
00:03:49,447 --> 00:03:51,472
All right, now, look.
70
00:03:51,549 --> 00:03:55,542
This bra was found on the floor
in your hotel room.
71
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:58,111
- Explain that to us. Can you do that?
- Well, after...
72
00:03:58,189 --> 00:04:02,057
- Explain it, man!
- Hey, brother. It's all good.
73
00:04:02,126 --> 00:04:06,119
Well, basically, see, what had happened
was is that we ran out of coffee filters...
74
00:04:06,197 --> 00:04:10,258
and I said, " Hey, look. What you doing
with that around your chest, Miriam?"
75
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:12,302
So we used that.
76
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:16,306
And then I had told her
that my nipples had dilated.
77
00:04:16,374 --> 00:04:19,537
And I needed, uh...
78
00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:22,374
I needed... I needed...
79
00:04:22,446 --> 00:04:24,676
I needed some circumference.
80
00:04:30,121 --> 00:04:32,112
I want the truth!
81
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:35,022
You can't handle The Tooth!
82
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:44,498
You weep for Santiago because
he had no code, he had no honor.
83
00:04:45,803 --> 00:04:48,135
Now, can I go now?
84
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:51,003
Mr. Harris, get on track, please.
85
00:04:51,075 --> 00:04:53,543
If it pleases the court,
I'd like to re-create...
86
00:04:53,611 --> 00:04:56,375
the events of that evening.
87
00:04:56,447 --> 00:05:00,440
If it please me, I would like
for you to "coliferate"...
88
00:05:00,518 --> 00:05:03,646
the same, uh, "crustination."
89
00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:08,557
Will the plaintiff please
approach the bench, please?
90
00:05:08,626 --> 00:05:11,117
Come on. You're all right.
91
00:05:11,195 --> 00:05:14,460
Like, it's all right.
92
00:05:14,532 --> 00:05:17,626
It's the night of May the eighth, 1992.
93
00:05:17,702 --> 00:05:20,865
Damn! I'm still writing checks
and puttin' 1977 on 'em.
94
00:05:22,473 --> 00:05:24,964
I knew they were sending
the checks back for some...
95
00:05:25,042 --> 00:05:27,806
The two of you check in
to the Snooty Fox Motel.
96
00:05:27,878 --> 00:05:30,472
- Anyway, Urkel.
- You went into the...
97
00:05:36,287 --> 00:05:40,621
Your Honor, I will admit
that Urkel is about my age now.
98
00:05:43,294 --> 00:05:47,025
You went into the Snooty Fox
under the name Carl "The Tooth" Williams.
99
00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:51,558
As you had mentioned, that is ridiculous!
Why would I make up a name like that?
100
00:05:52,837 --> 00:05:55,465
Sir, that is your real name.
101
00:05:55,539 --> 00:05:57,530
In this country.
102
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:03,539
Besides the fact that you look like you've
been chewing on black jelly beans...
103
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:06,242
what happened next?
104
00:06:06,317 --> 00:06:08,308
I'll tell you what happened.
105
00:06:08,386 --> 00:06:11,150
He took me up to my room,
and everything happened so quickly.
106
00:06:11,222 --> 00:06:13,349
I mean, the whole thing
lasted maybe two minutes.
107
00:06:13,424 --> 00:06:16,791
I went down for a quick count!
108
00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:19,762
After the fight is what the hell
we're talkin' about here.
109
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:22,355
- Is that what we talkin' about?
- That's what we talkin'about.
110
00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,628
- Well, step on.
- At the hotel!
111
00:06:24,702 --> 00:06:28,399
Well, after the fight, you know,
she was coming at me pretty hard.
112
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:30,633
She was hittin' below the belt.
113
00:06:30,708 --> 00:06:34,166
But I stuck with my "scragedy."
I was stickin' and movin', stickin' and movin'!
114
00:06:34,245 --> 00:06:36,179
Yeah!
115
00:06:39,517 --> 00:06:41,508
So, from what I can tell...
116
00:06:41,585 --> 00:06:44,782
he is admitting that he
had relations with my client.
117
00:06:44,855 --> 00:06:47,551
No. We just had sex.
118
00:06:47,625 --> 00:06:49,718
Your Honor, I rest my case.
119
00:06:49,794 --> 00:06:53,286
Anybody in their right mind
can see that this child...
120
00:06:53,364 --> 00:06:55,525
was fathered by The Tooth.
121
00:06:55,599 --> 00:06:58,500
[Crying]
122
00:06:58,569 --> 00:07:02,130
Oh, no. See, this can't be my child
'cause his Jheri curl ain't wetted down.
123
00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:05,141
It's all dried up. He ain't got no teeth
in his head. What's going on?
124
00:07:05,209 --> 00:07:08,303
- Hey!
- Come on, Tooth!
125
00:07:08,379 --> 00:07:11,041
I think he got me with a sucker punch, man.
I need a rematch.
126
00:07:11,115 --> 00:07:13,481
This is ridiculous! Come on!
127
00:07:13,551 --> 00:07:15,883
[Both Arguing]
128
00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:22,154
[Announcer]From the makers of Philadelphia...
129
00:07:22,226 --> 00:07:25,923
the story of one man's struggleto stay out of the closet...
130
00:07:25,996 --> 00:07:28,362
San Francisco.
131
00:07:30,568 --> 00:07:34,163
Mr. Beckett, we used to consider you
a top-flight attorney at this firm.
132
00:07:34,238 --> 00:07:36,832
We'd give you a job,
and you'd get right on it.
133
00:07:36,907 --> 00:07:40,138
- But lately you've been careless and sloppy.
- What are you talking about?
134
00:07:40,211 --> 00:07:42,839
You misplaced the files
for the Liberace estate!
135
00:07:42,913 --> 00:07:47,043
Last night you claimed that you werewith a client, and we got photos of you.
136
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:49,348
You care to explain that?
137
00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:53,447
That's my friend Frank!
He looks great in a dress.
138
00:07:53,524 --> 00:07:57,290
Oh, really? Maybe you'd like to explain
that little white mark there on your finger!
139
00:07:57,361 --> 00:07:59,761
That's where I wear my college ring.
140
00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:03,027
Isn't that the traditional
wedding ring finger of a breeder?
141
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,034
- Breeder?
- Breeder.
142
00:08:05,102 --> 00:08:07,400
Breeder, breeder.
Breeder, breeder, breeder!
143
00:08:07,471 --> 00:08:10,304
- Sing us the first-act finale from Phantom.!
- ♪♪ [Note]
144
00:08:10,374 --> 00:08:13,605
- I can't remember!
- Of course you can't remember
'cause you never saw it!
145
00:08:13,677 --> 00:08:17,078
How many heterosexuals does it take
to screw in a lightbulb?
146
00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:20,049
- That's not funny!
- I told you he was straight!
147
00:08:20,117 --> 00:08:22,278
[Moans]
148
00:08:22,353 --> 00:08:24,844
Mr. Beckett, your services
are no longer required!
149
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:27,618
- Are you saying I'm fired?
- Bitch, did I stutter?
150
00:08:30,494 --> 00:08:35,488
I need an attorney. I've been fired by my
law firm... Nelson, Tenderloin and Sugarstein.
151
00:08:35,566 --> 00:08:39,935
I need someone who can think like them,
get inside their heads, play their games.
152
00:08:40,004 --> 00:08:41,938
Someone like you, RuPaul.
153
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:48,969
- Am I that obvious?
- Well, yeah, kind of.
154
00:08:49,046 --> 00:08:52,538
Well, you're cute.
I'll take your case.
155
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:54,550
Thank you.
156
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:57,849
Listen, what was the real reason
why you think you got fired?
157
00:08:57,922 --> 00:09:01,756
- Well, they found out I was straight.
- [Screaming]
158
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,693
[Screaming]
159
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:17,337
[Announcer] Tom Hanks and RuPaulstarring in San Francisco...
160
00:09:17,408 --> 00:09:20,138
coming out to a theater near you.
161
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:24,307
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
162
00:09:29,587 --> 00:09:31,612
♪♪ [Ends]
163
00:09:37,026 --> 00:09:38,960
[Announcer]This... is...
164
00:09:39,028 --> 00:09:43,089
The Dirty Dozens
Tournament of Champions!
165
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,157
Now entering our studio...
166
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:48,397
a five-time championfrom uptown New York...
167
00:09:48,471 --> 00:09:50,462
T- Dog Jenkins.!
168
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:55,534
Another five-time championfrom Houston's Fifth Ward...
169
00:09:55,611 --> 00:09:57,602
Amfeny Clark.
170
00:09:59,115 --> 00:10:02,607
And last year's Dirty Dozens
Tournament champion...
171
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:07,679
from Compton, California,Damian "Foosball"Franklin.!
172
00:10:07,757 --> 00:10:09,782
[Man]Foosball rules.!
173
00:10:11,294 --> 00:10:16,630
And now the hostof Dirty Dozens, Stu Dunfey.!
174
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,860
Thank you so much.
175
00:10:18,935 --> 00:10:22,371
Hello, and welcome to The Dirty DozensTournament of Champions.
176
00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:25,464
- What's up, Stu?
- T-Dog in the house. How are you, my friend?
177
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:28,305
- I just seens you last week.
- We see you here every week. How's your mom?
178
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,369
- She doing fine.
- How's the colitis?
179
00:10:30,446 --> 00:10:33,244
- He all right.
- All righty.
180
00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:36,717
We are present at the Dirty Dozens game board,
where talkin' trash can get you cash...
181
00:10:36,786 --> 00:10:41,086
and you might be the champ
if your mama's a tramp.
182
00:10:41,157 --> 00:10:43,489
Now, let's look at our categories.
183
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,255
- "Your Mama's So Bald," "Your Mama's So Fat"...- [Bell Dinging]
184
00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:49,526
"Mama's So Stupid"and "A merican Authors".
185
00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:51,794
T-Dog, you won the coin toss.
Start us off.
186
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:54,860
I think I will take
"Your Mama's So Stupid" for 100.
187
00:10:54,937 --> 00:10:57,064
Let's have a look."Your Mama's So Stupid."
188
00:10:57,140 --> 00:10:59,608
- [Beeps]
- Amfeny.
189
00:10:59,675 --> 00:11:02,906
Your mama's so stupid,
she tripped over a cordless phone.
190
00:11:02,979 --> 00:11:05,607
[Bell Dings]
191
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:07,842
And you're on the board.
Pick again.
192
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:10,943
How about "Mama's So Fat"
for a hundred, Stu?
193
00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:14,820
Classic category."Your Mama's So Fat." T-Dog?
194
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:17,883
Your mama's so fat, she look
like she's smugglin' Volkswagons.
195
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,157
[Bell Dings]
196
00:11:21,230 --> 00:11:24,324
Mama's a big old greasy ho!
197
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,664
All righty, T-Dog, need a category.
198
00:11:26,736 --> 00:11:30,672
I think I will go with "American Authors"
for 100, Stuness.
199
00:11:30,740 --> 00:11:35,234
New category. Born in 1804, NathanielHawthorne wrote such classic fiction...
200
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:38,041
as The Scarlet Letter
and The House of the Seven Gables.
201
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:42,380
For $100,
how stank was his mama? Foosball.
202
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:46,684
Nathaniel Hawthorne's mother
was so stank, she sweated Black Flag.
203
00:11:46,756 --> 00:11:49,418
- [Bell Dings]
- Correct!
204
00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:52,393
All even at a C-spot!
Foosball, pick a square!
205
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:56,193
I'll take "Your Mother's So Fat"
for 200, Stu.
206
00:11:56,265 --> 00:11:59,291
"Your Mama's So Fat." T-Dog.!
207
00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:02,303
Your mama's so fat,
she wakes up in sections.
208
00:12:02,371 --> 00:12:06,273
- [Bell Dings]
- The Underground don't stop for ho's.
209
00:12:07,443 --> 00:12:10,003
Let's go with
"Your Mama's So Bald" then.
210
00:12:10,079 --> 00:12:13,014
For 200,"Your Mama's So Bald."Foosball.!
211
00:12:13,082 --> 00:12:16,210
Your mother's so bald,
she blow-dry hair like that.
212
00:12:16,285 --> 00:12:18,651
- [Exhaling]
- [Bell Dings]
213
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:23,681
Yes! Foosball, pick a category!
214
00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:28,628
Uh, I'll take "American Authors"
for 200, Stu.
215
00:12:28,698 --> 00:12:30,825
All righty.Listen carefully, Foosball.
216
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:33,926
Author and humorist Samuel Clemens
wrote the classic Tom Sawyer...
217
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,994
under his better-known pseudonym.
218
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:39,473
What was that pseudonym,
and how big was his mama's butt?
219
00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:41,874
- Amfeny.
- Yeah.
220
00:12:41,944 --> 00:12:44,276
Mark Twain,
and his mama's butt was so big...
221
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:47,248
if you put your ear up to it,
you can hear the ocean.
222
00:12:47,316 --> 00:12:50,080
- [Bell Dings]
- And you have control of the board.
223
00:12:50,152 --> 00:12:53,644
I'll take "Mama's So Fat" for 300, Stu!
224
00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:57,726
T- Dog.! Break 'em off somethin'.
225
00:12:58,928 --> 00:13:01,954
You too much, man.
226
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,023
Your mama's so fat,
she got stretch marks on her clothes.
227
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:08,434
- [Bell Dings]- Yes.!
228
00:13:08,504 --> 00:13:10,597
- Pick another.!- [Bell Dinging Repeatedly]
229
00:13:10,673 --> 00:13:12,732
Oh! And that's the end
of the first round.
230
00:13:12,808 --> 00:13:15,242
Let's reveal the final squares
of tonight's mystery dis.
231
00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:18,610
Gentlemen, peep this!
232
00:13:18,681 --> 00:13:21,172
Foosball.
233
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:24,549
Your mother's so fat, the back of her neck
look like a pack of hot dogs.
234
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:26,485
- [Bell Dings]- Yes, for 300.!
235
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,821
Foosball, you and T-Dog are tied.
236
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:32,520
Amfeny, we'll say good-bye to you.
237
00:13:32,595 --> 00:13:36,224
It's time for " Your Mama's Wheel
of Sudden Death."
238
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,935
It's time for " Your Mama's Wheel
of Sudden Death."
239
00:13:42,004 --> 00:13:44,029
You know the rules.
I spin the wheel.
240
00:13:44,106 --> 00:13:48,975
Whatever body part it lands on, that's where
you have to direct your dis. T-Dog!
241
00:13:51,948 --> 00:13:53,882
"Teeth."
242
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:57,886
Your mama so toothless,
it takes her a hour to eat Minute Rice.
243
00:13:57,954 --> 00:14:01,219
- [Bell Dings]
- Foosball, your turn!
244
00:14:04,894 --> 00:14:06,828
"Eyes."
245
00:14:06,896 --> 00:14:11,265
Your mama's so blind, she got eyes
on her butt and still can't see squat.
246
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:13,768
- [Buzzer Sounds]
- No! I'm sorry, Foosball.
247
00:14:13,836 --> 00:14:16,703
You used the word "eyes,"
but technically that's a butt dis.
248
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:19,935
And that makes T-Dog our winner!
249
00:14:22,979 --> 00:14:26,813
Congratulations, T-Dog.
You've certainly come a long way.
250
00:14:26,882 --> 00:14:29,373
Now, you can stop here
and take home your winnings...
251
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:33,752
or face the final test and become
a true Dirty Dozens Grand Master.
252
00:14:33,823 --> 00:14:37,782
Are you willing to risk it all,
double or nothing, and go for greatness?
253
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:41,591
[Crowd Cheering]
254
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:48,263
- I think I'll go it.
- He'll go for it! All right!
255
00:14:52,408 --> 00:14:57,345
That means you'll be facing off with the all-time
Dirty Dozens Hall of Fame Champion...
256
00:14:57,413 --> 00:14:59,608
Ed O'Neill!
257
00:15:10,359 --> 00:15:12,350
Down!
258
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:19,092
Who is this loser?
259
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,659
Oh, you tryin' to step to me, huh?
260
00:15:21,737 --> 00:15:24,729
Hey, I have a girl who does that for me.
261
00:15:27,243 --> 00:15:29,438
Yeah, come on,
Christy Love. Whoa!
262
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:33,414
Back off, Nitro!
T-Dog, chill! U-N-l-T-Y.
263
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,841
Loved you in Coffee.
264
00:15:36,919 --> 00:15:38,853
Shes a rough chick.
265
00:15:38,921 --> 00:15:42,516
You'll have to settle your differences
on the field of Dozens.
266
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:46,857
T-Dog, you've got 60 seconds to dis
our champion's mama so badly...
267
00:15:46,929 --> 00:15:49,989
he gets his butt out
of the Royal BarcaLounger chair.
268
00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:53,263
This is for the championship.
Sixty seconds on the clock.
269
00:15:53,335 --> 00:15:55,269
Ready? Begin.
270
00:15:55,337 --> 00:15:59,831
Your mama's so fat, she got a job
at Magic Mountain pushin' the Buccaneer.
271
00:15:59,909 --> 00:16:01,843
[Bell Dings]
272
00:16:13,756 --> 00:16:17,920
- Your mama's so fat, after sex she smokes turkeys.
- [Bell Dings]
273
00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:24,729
She's so fat, after making love to her...
274
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,291
I roll over twice and I'm still on her.
275
00:16:27,369 --> 00:16:29,394
[Bell Dings]
276
00:16:33,309 --> 00:16:37,040
Your mama's so stupid, she was fillin' out
a job application that said "sign here"...
277
00:16:37,113 --> 00:16:39,411
- and she put "Sagittarius."
- [Bell Dings]
278
00:16:48,324 --> 00:16:51,589
Well, your mama's so ugly,
Ted Danson wouldn't date her.
279
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:53,685
[Bell Dings]
280
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:58,200
Your mama's so fat,
she plays hopscotch like this...
281
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,600
L.A., Chicago, Detroit, hop.
282
00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:03,262
[Bell Dings]
283
00:17:08,911 --> 00:17:14,349
Your mama is so stupid...
284
00:17:14,416 --> 00:17:17,715
she gave your uncle...
[Bleep]
285
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:21,245
'Cause he said it would
help his unemployment.
286
00:17:21,323 --> 00:17:23,951
[Bell Dings]
287
00:17:28,164 --> 00:17:30,496
Yeah? Your mama's glasses so thick...
288
00:17:30,566 --> 00:17:33,228
when she looks at a map,
she can see people waving!
289
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,236
[Bell Dings]
290
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:43,968
And your mama's nose is so big,
you can go bowling with her boogers.
291
00:17:44,046 --> 00:17:46,913
[Bell Dings]
292
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:50,315
And your mama's so fat, before
God said, "Let there be light"...
293
00:17:50,386 --> 00:17:53,981
he told her,
"Move your big butt out of the way!"
294
00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:56,354
- [Bell Dings]
- I'm gonna kill you for that one, man.
295
00:17:56,425 --> 00:18:01,362
- [Bell Dinging Repeatedly]
- Ladies and gentlemen,
the champion maintains his throne!
296
00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:03,364
Congratulations!
297
00:18:06,435 --> 00:18:10,929
Ladies, send him home to
his big, fat, stinkin' mama.
298
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:13,839
We don't love them ho's.
299
00:18:20,616 --> 00:18:23,608
That's all the time
we have for tonight.
300
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:27,144
Join us next time
on The Dirty Dozens.!
301
00:18:32,628 --> 00:18:35,119
You know, a lot of times
we like to do these closings...
302
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,131
and do jokes and be crazy, man.
303
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:40,430
I just want to say, I love you guys.
Thanks for supportin' me.
304
00:18:40,502 --> 00:18:43,994
I love each and every one of you.
Good night!
305
00:18:44,073 --> 00:18:48,442
♪♪ [Theme]
306
00:19:14,103 --> 00:19:17,561
♪♪ [Continues]
307
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:45,662
♪♪ [Ends]
26380
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