All language subtitles for In Living Color - 5x18 - Mrs. Ikefire - XviD.mp3

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,352 --> 00:00:03,286 [Doorbell Rings] 2 00:00:03,354 --> 00:00:05,618 I think that's your new nanny, kids. 3 00:00:05,690 --> 00:00:08,625 [Man Announcing] Move over, Mrs. Doubtfire. There's a new brother in town... 4 00:00:08,693 --> 00:00:10,627 and he's ready to do some butt-kicking. 5 00:00:10,695 --> 00:00:13,061 - What the problem is! - It's Ike Turner in... 6 00:00:13,131 --> 00:00:15,065 Mrs. Ikefire! 7 00:00:15,133 --> 00:00:18,694 He's out of work, out of money andjust plain out ofhis mind.! 8 00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:21,705 You must be Mrs. Ikefire. I'm Tina. 9 00:00:21,773 --> 00:00:26,107 Oh, now, you must think Mrs. Ikefire don't know who you is. 10 00:00:26,177 --> 00:00:28,805 I mean, of course I know who you is. 11 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,338 You used to sing with that handsome Ike Turner fella, didn't you? 12 00:00:32,417 --> 00:00:34,612 Yes, well, that was a long time ago. 13 00:00:34,686 --> 00:00:36,984 I've sung a lot of songs since then. 14 00:00:37,055 --> 00:00:39,285 Mm-hmm. And ain't none of'em no good neither. 15 00:00:39,357 --> 00:00:41,951 'Cause you ain't got no stank on 'em, see? 16 00:00:42,026 --> 00:00:45,962 Now, what you need to do is go on back to that handsome devil. 17 00:00:46,030 --> 00:00:49,488 Devil is right. Mrs. Ikefire... 18 00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:51,967 could you watch the children while I go to the gym? 19 00:00:52,036 --> 00:00:55,437 I need to keep my legs in shape. 20 00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:59,704 Yeah, I bet Ike could work them thighs. You eyeballin' me, boy? 21 00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:02,803 You sure have a lot of facial hair for a old woman. 22 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:07,340 Now, you watch your smart talk, son. You think you can make a joke outta me? 23 00:01:07,418 --> 00:01:09,147 I'm gonna teach you 'bout respect! 24 00:01:09,220 --> 00:01:11,381 Wow, those knuckles look familiar. 25 00:01:11,456 --> 00:01:15,449 Well, now, Mrs. Turner, I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Thank you. 26 00:01:16,894 --> 00:01:19,454 Smell like freebase. 27 00:01:19,530 --> 00:01:22,055 Oh, my God! You're on fire! 28 00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:24,294 Don't you think Mrs. Ikefire know that? 29 00:01:24,369 --> 00:01:27,304 That what the problem is! Help me! Help! 30 00:01:27,372 --> 00:01:30,933 Mrs. Ikefire needs some help! Help! You steppin' to me? 31 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:34,671 Don't be hittin' on Mrs. Ikefire, lady! I'll teach you, Tina. 32 00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:37,544 ♪♪ [Singing] 33 00:01:37,615 --> 00:01:41,551 Hello, Mrs. Ikefire. This is my kitty cat, Cokie. 34 00:01:41,619 --> 00:01:44,782 Coke? Who said somethin' about coke? 35 00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:48,587 - [Snorting] - You snorted my kitty cat. 36 00:01:48,659 --> 00:01:53,858 That was pure, uncut kitty cat. 37 00:01:53,931 --> 00:01:55,865 Mom! 38 00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:58,629 [Snorts] What the problem is! 39 00:02:04,008 --> 00:02:07,273 [Grunts] Y'all ain't doin' it right. 40 00:02:07,345 --> 00:02:09,438 You got to scrub like you mean it. 41 00:02:09,514 --> 00:02:13,746 Deep down from your gut. You got to put some stank on it. 42 00:02:13,818 --> 00:02:17,982 [Announcer] Mrs. Ikefire. Coming soon to a theater near you. 43 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:21,821 - [Laughing] - ♪ In living color♪ 44 00:02:21,893 --> 00:02:25,590 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 45 00:02:25,663 --> 00:02:27,597 ♪ In living color♪ 46 00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:33,831 - ♪ In living color♪ - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 47 00:02:33,905 --> 00:02:36,066 ♪ In living color♪ 48 00:02:37,141 --> 00:02:39,075 ♪ In living color♪ 49 00:02:39,143 --> 00:02:41,077 ♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪ 50 00:02:41,145 --> 00:02:43,136 ♪ You see, it's never too late and it's never too soon ♪ 51 00:02:43,214 --> 00:02:45,079 - ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪ - Hi-yah! 52 00:02:45,149 --> 00:02:46,582 ♪ In living color♪ 53 00:02:46,651 --> 00:02:49,245 ♪ And how would ya... How would ya... How would ya f... ♪ 54 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,254 ♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪ 55 00:02:51,322 --> 00:02:53,483 ♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪ 56 00:02:53,558 --> 00:02:57,016 [Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪ 57 00:02:57,094 --> 00:03:00,552 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 58 00:03:00,631 --> 00:03:02,690 ♪ In living color♪ 59 00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,258 ♪ In living color♪ 60 00:03:05,336 --> 00:03:08,863 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 61 00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:13,206 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 62 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:17,976 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 63 00:03:18,049 --> 00:03:21,985 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 64 00:03:22,053 --> 00:03:23,987 - [Turntable Scratching] - ♪ In living color♪♪ 65 00:03:24,055 --> 00:03:26,489 [Laughing] 66 00:03:33,197 --> 00:03:35,131 [Man Announcing] Live from the inner city... 67 00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:37,224 it's the East Hollywood Squares. 68 00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:40,134 With Oprah Winfrey, James Earl Jones... 69 00:03:40,204 --> 00:03:43,662 Bobby McFerrin, Rosie Perez... 70 00:03:43,741 --> 00:03:46,938 Pam Grier, Diana Ross... 71 00:03:47,011 --> 00:03:50,708 Martin Lawrence, Martin Lawrence's bodyguard... 72 00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:53,079 Willie Tyler without Lester. 73 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:56,347 And now the host of East Hollywood Squares... 74 00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:58,718 Peter Marshall.! 75 00:03:58,789 --> 00:04:00,848 Well, thank you very much. 76 00:04:00,925 --> 00:04:03,689 Hello and welcome to the East Hollywood Squares. Hello, stars. 77 00:04:03,761 --> 00:04:05,285 [All Shouting Greetings] 78 00:04:05,363 --> 00:04:07,593 I want you to meet our players. First, Sandy Wallace. 79 00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,599 Sandy, you're a homemaker. Is that right? 80 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,897 - Yes, I make homes. - That's nice. 81 00:04:11,969 --> 00:04:13,903 And Dennis Beery here. 82 00:04:13,971 --> 00:04:17,771 He was one of the original engineers on the Santa Monica Freeway. That's nice. 83 00:04:17,842 --> 00:04:21,471 That's correct. We had a little trouble recently, but we're workin' it out. 84 00:04:21,546 --> 00:04:25,209 Oh, that's wonderful. You won the toss backstage. That means you'll start. 85 00:04:25,283 --> 00:04:27,478 But first let's show our home audience the secret square. 86 00:04:27,552 --> 00:04:29,486 Watch this. 87 00:04:31,889 --> 00:04:34,551 All right. Now pick a star. 88 00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:38,117 All right, Peter, I would like to start off with Oprah Winfrey. 89 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,390 - Hi, Oprah. - Hi, Peter. 90 00:04:40,464 --> 00:04:43,126 [Laughs] Here's your question, dear. Listen carefully. 91 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:48,297 What are the ingredients... the ingredients of a Cobb salad? 92 00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:50,306 Hold on. 93 00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:53,468 [Retching] 94 00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:58,337 - Okay, Peter. - Yeah? 95 00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:01,579 I'll have to say, uh, lettuce... 96 00:05:03,788 --> 00:05:05,756 - uh, bacon... - Mm-hmm. 97 00:05:05,823 --> 00:05:08,917 And, uh, blue cheese... 98 00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:11,291 and, uh, hold on. 99 00:05:11,362 --> 00:05:13,830 [Burps] 100 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:16,128 Avocado. 101 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,566 Sounds yummy. Well, Dennis, do you agree or disagree? 102 00:05:18,636 --> 00:05:22,072 - I would have to agree. - Uh-huh. 103 00:05:22,139 --> 00:05:24,073 - [Bell Dings] - "X" gets the square. 104 00:05:24,141 --> 00:05:26,769 All right, Sandy Wallace, it's your, uh, turn to pick a star. 105 00:05:26,844 --> 00:05:29,608 - I'd like to take Bobby McFerrin, please. - All right. Bobby... 106 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:34,947 ♪♪ [Singing Nonsense] 107 00:05:35,019 --> 00:05:36,953 Would you do me a favor and just shut up? 108 00:05:37,021 --> 00:05:39,421 Who was the first person to sign the U.S. Constitution? 109 00:05:39,490 --> 00:05:42,425 ♪♪ [Singing Nonsense] 110 00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:47,521 Uh, Bobby says... ♪♪ [Singing Nonsense] 111 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,362 You heard the man. Do you agree or disagree? 112 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:52,766 - Um, I think I disagree. - Good for you. 113 00:05:52,837 --> 00:05:55,271 - [Bell Dings] - Circle gets the square. All righty. 114 00:05:55,339 --> 00:05:57,273 Now, uh, over to you, Dennis. 115 00:05:57,341 --> 00:06:01,141 I would like to try thatJames EarlJones fella. 116 00:06:01,212 --> 00:06:07,082 Say, uh, James Earl, I understand you've added a new dimension to your résumé. 117 00:06:07,151 --> 00:06:09,278 That is correct, Peter. I have a new career... 118 00:06:09,353 --> 00:06:11,821 as an impressionist, and I'm taking my act to Vegas. 119 00:06:11,889 --> 00:06:15,188 Oh, really? Could we hear a little of what you're going to be doing? 120 00:06:15,259 --> 00:06:18,387 Why, certainly. First Tweety Bird. 121 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,453 [Clears Throat] 122 00:06:20,531 --> 00:06:22,590 I "tought" I "taw" a "putty" cat. 123 00:06:24,168 --> 00:06:27,331 That's terrific. Can we hear something else? 124 00:06:27,405 --> 00:06:30,101 And now... Lucille Ball. 125 00:06:30,174 --> 00:06:33,337 - [Peter] Lucille Ball. - [Clears Throat] 126 00:06:33,411 --> 00:06:38,178 Ricky, I want to be in your show. Waah. 127 00:06:38,249 --> 00:06:42,242 Uh, Dennis, could you do us a favor and pick somebody else? 128 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,685 All righty. I would like to go up to the second tier... 129 00:06:44,755 --> 00:06:47,087 and the beautiful Rosie Perez. 130 00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:49,092 Rosie Perez. Okay, Rosie. 131 00:06:50,461 --> 00:06:54,761 Rosie, in biology... in biology, what is a bivalent? 132 00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:57,960 How the... [Beeps] am I supposed to know this... [Beeps] Peter? 133 00:06:58,035 --> 00:07:01,368 What do I look like... a... [Beeps] rocket scientist? 134 00:07:01,439 --> 00:07:03,964 Is that what I look like? Just because I got... [Beeps] 135 00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:06,532 You think you can make me look like a... [Beeps] idiot? 136 00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:08,544 You little... [Beeps] 137 00:07:08,612 --> 00:07:12,139 Uh, Rosie, I don't write them. I just read them. 138 00:07:12,216 --> 00:07:15,117 We're just looking for the definition of a bivalent. 139 00:07:15,186 --> 00:07:17,120 - A bivalent? - Yes. 140 00:07:17,188 --> 00:07:21,056 [Beeps] Okay, I'm gonna say a bivalent is a pair... 141 00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:25,152 of homologous synapse chromosomes associated together during meiosis. 142 00:07:26,497 --> 00:07:28,556 - I disagree. - [Buzzer Buzzes] 143 00:07:28,632 --> 00:07:31,066 Terribly sorry. No, no. Rosie was right. 144 00:07:31,135 --> 00:07:34,764 [Beeps] You didn't trust me? You stupid... [Beeps] 145 00:07:36,574 --> 00:07:38,804 Sandy, your turn. And pick a star. 146 00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:40,810 I'll go with Martin Lawrence to win. 147 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,176 [Bell Ringing] 148 00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:49,450 Damn! I can't believe I'm the secret square! 149 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,250 What's up? Oh, my goodness. 150 00:07:52,323 --> 00:07:56,020 Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. 151 00:07:56,093 --> 00:07:58,493 [Blows Raspberry] Excuse me. 152 00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:03,625 Uh, can we hurry up with this? 'Cause I got someplace I got to be. 153 00:08:03,701 --> 00:08:07,501 Right. What actor played the title role in The Cosby Show? 154 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,698 The title role in The Cosby Show. 155 00:08:09,774 --> 00:08:13,642 Damn! Damn. Oh, man. 156 00:08:13,711 --> 00:08:16,271 Gina was talkin' about that last night. Damn. 157 00:08:16,347 --> 00:08:19,407 Oh, 'cause, you know, we got to respect our black women. You know what I'm sayin'? 158 00:08:19,483 --> 00:08:21,747 'Cause I be tellin' my bitches that all the time. Damn. 159 00:08:21,819 --> 00:08:24,151 Uh, dude, what's up? Oh, my goodness. 160 00:08:24,221 --> 00:08:27,713 What's up? Oh! Oh! Damn! 161 00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:31,023 - [Peter] I need a name here. A name. - Damn! 162 00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:33,086 "Da-day-day." 163 00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:35,257 Agree or disagree? 164 00:08:35,332 --> 00:08:37,493 - I'm gonna have to agree. - [Buzzer Buzzes] 165 00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:39,502 No. Terribly sorry. Okay, Dennis. 166 00:08:39,570 --> 00:08:42,095 We can't give you the "X." You'll have to earn that yourself. 167 00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:45,370 I'm gonna go back to that crazy Martin Lawrence for the win. 168 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,933 - [Peter] You got it. - Hey, watch your mouth. 169 00:08:48,012 --> 00:08:51,914 Name a stand-up comic... a stand-up comic with a short man's complex... 170 00:08:51,982 --> 00:08:56,282 ears open like car doors and three minutes of his 15 minutes of fame left. 171 00:09:00,224 --> 00:09:03,022 Oh, damn! 172 00:09:03,093 --> 00:09:05,027 Damn, you ain't right, you know. 173 00:09:05,095 --> 00:09:08,929 How you gonna dis a brother like Will Smith like that? What's up? 174 00:09:08,999 --> 00:09:11,797 - Well, Martin says Will Smith. - I will, uh, disagree. 175 00:09:11,869 --> 00:09:14,463 - [Siren Sounding] - That's a good choice. "X"gets the square and the game. 176 00:09:14,538 --> 00:09:16,733 Thank you, stars. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 177 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,742 And join us next time here for more fun on... the East Hollywood Squares. 178 00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,438 Peter Marshall saying bye-bye. 179 00:09:30,554 --> 00:09:32,488 Yo, I got big crew. 180 00:09:32,556 --> 00:09:34,990 - So what you wanna do? - What you wanna do? 181 00:09:35,059 --> 00:09:38,995 ♪♪ [Man Rapping] 182 00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:58,812 ♪♪ [Men Chanting] 183 00:10:00,985 --> 00:10:05,117 ♪♪ [Ends] 184 00:10:06,452 --> 00:10:10,980 Hello. This is Shelly Miller reporting live from Ft. Lauderdale for Fox News. 185 00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:14,116 I'm joined today by City Councilman Bill Davis. 186 00:10:14,193 --> 00:10:17,253 Mr. Davis, how is this city holding up during spring break? 187 00:10:17,329 --> 00:10:19,559 Well, Shelly, the city is doin'just fine. 188 00:10:19,632 --> 00:10:22,396 This time of year is always a little hectic down here in Florida... 189 00:10:22,468 --> 00:10:24,561 especially the Ft. Lauderdale area. 190 00:10:24,637 --> 00:10:27,231 But as always we are equipped to handle the onslaught... 191 00:10:27,306 --> 00:10:30,901 of tourists and college students such as they are and will be soon. 192 00:10:30,976 --> 00:10:33,911 How long does the spring break season last? 193 00:10:33,979 --> 00:10:37,346 Well, I wish I could tell you it goes on all year. Course that's not the case. 194 00:10:37,416 --> 00:10:39,680 A lot of the year down here it's pretty dull... 195 00:10:39,752 --> 00:10:42,414 and there's just a lot of people stayin' indoors watchin' TV. 196 00:10:42,488 --> 00:10:47,084 But this time of year is great. Not all the colleges take their breaks at the same time. 197 00:10:47,159 --> 00:10:49,684 I've noticed a trend for the east coast colleges... 198 00:10:49,762 --> 00:10:53,960 to have their spring breaks earlier than the Midwestern schools do, such as they are. 199 00:10:54,033 --> 00:10:57,935 What do you think motivates the east coast schools to take their vacation time earlier? 200 00:10:58,003 --> 00:11:01,268 Well, I don't know. I wouldn't have any idea. I'm not a psychic. 201 00:11:01,340 --> 00:11:03,638 - [Metal Detector Buzzing] - But I do have a theory on the topic... 202 00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:05,734 and that is that it's a little colder out there... 203 00:11:05,811 --> 00:11:08,371 therefore they like to get rid of that cabin fever... 204 00:11:08,447 --> 00:11:11,712 the sort that makes a man go crazy and do wild things at his home... 205 00:11:11,784 --> 00:11:13,843 earlier than, say, in the Midwest. 206 00:11:13,919 --> 00:11:17,548 Because of all the bad weather, they're more likely to get away from that cabin fever quicker... 207 00:11:17,623 --> 00:11:21,081 and be away from the inclement climate, so as it is. 208 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,254 This seems like an important time for the economy here in Ft. Lauderdale. 209 00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:27,322 How does it compare to the rest of the year? 210 00:11:27,399 --> 00:11:29,993 Well, any of these students who have studied macroeconomics... 211 00:11:30,069 --> 00:11:33,004 which I have not, but I'm pretty sure that you have. 212 00:11:33,072 --> 00:11:34,972 You're a very pretty lady. Did I tell you that? 213 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,907 They know the free enterprise system is based on supply and demand. 214 00:11:37,977 --> 00:11:40,969 Most of the retail stores here... Well, it's just like Christmastime down here. 215 00:11:41,046 --> 00:11:43,071 This is our Christmas season, you might say... 216 00:11:43,148 --> 00:11:45,878 - except we don't have any red suits or jingle bells. - Right. 217 00:11:45,951 --> 00:11:49,409 But, uh, the next five weeks is gonna be a very big shopping year, financially speaking... 218 00:11:49,488 --> 00:11:52,252 for the people down here, such as they are. 219 00:11:52,324 --> 00:11:56,158 Uh, it surprises me to hear that college students have millions of dollars to spend... 220 00:11:56,228 --> 00:12:00,130 because I remember when I was in college, I had very, very little spending money. 221 00:12:00,199 --> 00:12:03,066 Well, I don't believe I said millions, but perhaps they do. 222 00:12:03,135 --> 00:12:05,365 I'll tell you what it is. It works out like this. 223 00:12:05,437 --> 00:12:07,905 Now, one college student on his own... He'll come down here. 224 00:12:07,973 --> 00:12:10,874 He'll maybe just have enough for a six-pack and someJiffy Pop... 225 00:12:10,943 --> 00:12:12,877 but you put 600,000 college students together... 226 00:12:12,945 --> 00:12:15,709 That's a heck of a lot ofJiffy Pop, if you know what I'm sayin'. 227 00:12:15,781 --> 00:12:18,375 What are other ways that the students help the economy? 228 00:12:18,450 --> 00:12:20,850 Well, the students bring a lot of sand into the area... 229 00:12:20,919 --> 00:12:23,888 and the sand actually contributes to the sand paths here. 230 00:12:23,956 --> 00:12:25,890 They just track it in from other states. 231 00:12:25,958 --> 00:12:28,085 That helps the whole economy. 232 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:32,460 Now, also there's companies that try to target these students who are between 18 and 24... 233 00:12:32,531 --> 00:12:34,829 and that translates into big dollars. 234 00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:37,391 They just set their headquarters up down here during the break... 235 00:12:37,469 --> 00:12:39,733 - That's big money for a corporate person. - I understand. 236 00:12:39,805 --> 00:12:42,399 Well, Mr. Davis, I thank you for your time and hospitality here. 237 00:12:42,474 --> 00:12:45,409 Well, thank you. You're pretty as a peach. Did I tell you that? 238 00:12:45,477 --> 00:12:47,570 I like them earrings. My gal has a pair just like 'em. 239 00:12:47,646 --> 00:12:50,240 - Well, I bought 'em here in Ft. Lauderdale. - Did you? That's good. 240 00:12:50,315 --> 00:12:53,250 - They're probably made by one of our local craftsmen. - That's what they said. 241 00:12:53,318 --> 00:12:55,582 - All righty. You take care now. - Well, thank you, Mr. Davis. 242 00:12:55,654 --> 00:12:58,987 And as you look around the beach, you'll see a lot of fun and excitement. 243 00:12:59,058 --> 00:13:02,459 I'm Shelly Miller here at Fox News. Back to you. 244 00:13:09,601 --> 00:13:12,434 Hey, kids! Why the long faces? 245 00:13:12,504 --> 00:13:15,564 - There's nothing to do! - We're so bored! 246 00:13:15,641 --> 00:13:18,235 [Chuckles] Anybody up for a game? 247 00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:21,643 - A game? What game? - Not just any game, Johnny. 248 00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:24,477 The Dirty Dozens Home Game! [Laughing] 249 00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,484 That's right, folks. 250 00:13:26,552 --> 00:13:30,044 Now all the excitement of America's most popular dis-fest... 251 00:13:30,122 --> 00:13:33,580 can be yours at home with the Dirty Dozens Home Edition. 252 00:13:33,659 --> 00:13:36,093 Where talking trash gets you play cash... 253 00:13:36,161 --> 00:13:39,756 and you will all the money if your mama smells funny. 254 00:13:39,832 --> 00:13:42,733 All right! I landed on the head! 255 00:13:42,801 --> 00:13:45,793 That's right. Your category is "Your mama's so stupid." 256 00:13:45,871 --> 00:13:48,499 Your mama's so stupid... 257 00:13:48,574 --> 00:13:52,374 she saw a sign that said "wet floor," so she peed on it. 258 00:13:52,444 --> 00:13:54,912 [Laughs] That's pretty good, Johnny. 259 00:13:54,980 --> 00:13:57,312 All right, pumpkin, your turn. 260 00:13:57,382 --> 00:14:01,682 There you go. All right. Your category is "Your mama's so fat." 261 00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,517 Your mama's so fat, I played seesaw with her... 262 00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:07,821 and I ended up on the damn moon! 263 00:14:07,893 --> 00:14:10,953 - Damn moon, Johnny. - And if it's high-speed dissin' you're missin'... 264 00:14:11,029 --> 00:14:13,361 try the Dozens Advanced Edition. 265 00:14:13,432 --> 00:14:15,366 - All right, kids, go! - [Bell Rings] 266 00:14:15,434 --> 00:14:18,597 Your mama's so fat, she uses the freeway for a Slip 'N Slide. 267 00:14:18,670 --> 00:14:22,504 - [Bell Rings] - Your mama's so nasty, you could plant daisies in her butt crack. 268 00:14:22,574 --> 00:14:25,202 - Butt crack! [Laughs] - [Bell Rings] 269 00:14:25,277 --> 00:14:29,771 Your mama's so fat, the ho's got a zit in her butt named Mount St. Helens! 270 00:14:29,848 --> 00:14:32,612 Bring the noise! Bring the noise! Yeah! Good, Johnny! 271 00:14:32,684 --> 00:14:34,948 - Hey, kids, what did I tell you? - Oh, Mom! 272 00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:37,318 Don't you be talkin' about your mama... 273 00:14:37,389 --> 00:14:40,119 unless you're talkin' about the Dirty Dozens Home Game... 274 00:14:40,192 --> 00:14:42,456 available where all fine gifts are sold. 275 00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:46,157 The Dirty Dozens Home Game. Fun for all ages... 276 00:14:46,231 --> 00:14:50,099 which is exactly what they say... about your mama! 277 00:14:56,475 --> 00:15:00,070 [Giggling] I can't believe it! 278 00:15:00,145 --> 00:15:03,979 Finally Mr. And Mrs. Dan Corwin. I just can't believe it! 279 00:15:04,049 --> 00:15:06,779 Baby, I thought that reception was never gonna end. 280 00:15:06,852 --> 00:15:10,413 I kept looking at you in that dress, and all I could think of was getting you out of it. 281 00:15:10,489 --> 00:15:14,289 - Mm, girl. Come here. Come here. Come here. - Oooh, I can hardly wait. 282 00:15:14,359 --> 00:15:17,760 - [Giggling] - My passion's about to explode, girl! 283 00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:20,024 Stop it! 284 00:15:21,533 --> 00:15:24,696 Did somebody say..."explode"? 285 00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:27,603 [Screaming] 286 00:15:27,673 --> 00:15:30,005 Who the hell are you, man? 287 00:15:30,075 --> 00:15:33,169 Fear not, young lovers. I'm Fire Marshal Bill Burns... 288 00:15:33,245 --> 00:15:37,011 and I noticed your bride was gettin' a little warm south of the navel there, son. 289 00:15:37,082 --> 00:15:40,074 What? This is our suite! You get the hell out of here! 290 00:15:42,888 --> 00:15:46,187 Keep your rocket in your pocket, Mr. Spaceman. 291 00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:50,957 You're not gettin' outta here until you learn the meaning of safe sex. 292 00:15:51,029 --> 00:15:54,123 Passion can lead to carelessness! 293 00:15:54,199 --> 00:15:58,295 And if you're not careful, you'll be carrying your new bride across the threshold... 294 00:15:58,370 --> 00:16:01,737 of... pain. 295 00:16:01,807 --> 00:16:05,538 Now, imagine if you will the following gruesome scenario. 296 00:16:05,611 --> 00:16:10,344 I should note that it contains intense scenes that may disturb sensitive viewers. 297 00:16:10,415 --> 00:16:12,781 Deal with it! 298 00:16:12,851 --> 00:16:14,785 It's your wedding night. 299 00:16:14,853 --> 00:16:18,516 You're chomping it a bit to deflower your partner... 300 00:16:18,590 --> 00:16:21,491 but your old friends Tim and Jane Sullivan... 301 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,621 have sent up a bottle of the finest champagne. 302 00:16:25,697 --> 00:16:31,294 Aloha. The finest champagne, compliments of your old and dear friends Tim and Jane Sullivan. 303 00:16:31,370 --> 00:16:34,237 Call it a hunch. 304 00:16:34,306 --> 00:16:36,206 Hey, what about my tip? 305 00:16:36,275 --> 00:16:39,540 You want a tip, huh? 306 00:16:39,611 --> 00:16:41,545 Never do this! 307 00:16:41,613 --> 00:16:44,776 [Screams] 308 00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:46,613 Doesn't that hurt? 309 00:16:46,685 --> 00:16:48,812 [Whimpering] No. 310 00:16:48,887 --> 00:16:53,119 Perhaps I've been desensitized by years of television violence. 311 00:16:53,191 --> 00:16:55,659 [Screams] 312 00:16:55,727 --> 00:17:00,721 - Now, you're ready to enjoy a cold drink of bubbly. - [Groans] 313 00:17:00,799 --> 00:17:04,462 What you don't know is our friendly porter type... 314 00:17:04,536 --> 00:17:08,734 is distraught by the sudden cancellation of The Chevy Chase Show. 315 00:17:08,807 --> 00:17:12,072 Thus distracted, he has mistakenly switched your champagne... 316 00:17:12,144 --> 00:17:14,544 with highly unstable boric acid. 317 00:17:17,349 --> 00:17:20,375 [Sighs, Belches] 318 00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:24,821 [Stomach Churning] 319 00:17:24,890 --> 00:17:27,188 [Explosive Belch] 320 00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:31,059 - [Whimpering] - Oh, my God! That's horrible! 321 00:17:31,129 --> 00:17:33,654 [Grunts] 322 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,631 I seem to be losing my battle with gingivitis. 323 00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:41,639 - [Yelps] - Look, man, this is our wedding night. 324 00:17:41,707 --> 00:17:44,471 If you don't leave, I'm calling security. 325 00:17:44,543 --> 00:17:47,341 Listen and learn, lover loins! 326 00:17:47,412 --> 00:17:51,075 Or you'll be putting out your private parts with the puny pillow patties... 327 00:17:51,149 --> 00:17:54,141 that they stick on your bed in the middle of the night! 328 00:17:54,219 --> 00:17:56,244 Hey! 329 00:17:56,321 --> 00:18:01,384 Now, let's say your wife decides it's time to get this party started. 330 00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:04,190 Suddenly the freak inside her is released. 331 00:18:04,262 --> 00:18:06,628 She's possessed by the spirit of Carmen Miranda. 332 00:18:06,698 --> 00:18:09,360 Suddenly and without any good reason... 333 00:18:11,169 --> 00:18:14,229 she decides to whip up a performance-enhancing smoothie... 334 00:18:14,306 --> 00:18:16,866 with this handy bedside juicer. 335 00:18:16,942 --> 00:18:19,775 That's no juicer! That's the Magic Fingers! 336 00:18:19,845 --> 00:18:23,941 Don't get technical, buster. [Laughing] 337 00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:27,246 - It's out of control! - Don't worry, folks. 338 00:18:28,754 --> 00:18:31,245 Mommy, make it stop! 339 00:18:31,323 --> 00:18:33,587 No lover eats Popsicles in hell. 340 00:18:33,658 --> 00:18:36,354 - Honey, he's possessed! - Don't worry. I'll protect you. 341 00:18:36,428 --> 00:18:39,886 - [Gurgling, Grunts] - [Screams] 342 00:18:43,368 --> 00:18:45,768 This looks like a good place for a Stick-Up. 343 00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:54,004 Look, man, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone with my wife! 344 00:18:56,448 --> 00:18:58,643 So would I, son... 345 00:18:58,717 --> 00:19:01,208 but I've got bigger fish to fry. 346 00:19:01,286 --> 00:19:03,220 Let me show you something! 347 00:19:03,288 --> 00:19:07,588 Now that you're married, it's time for complete and utter honesty... 348 00:19:07,659 --> 00:19:11,561 so you decide to introduce your wife to an old friend. 349 00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:16,431 Honey, I'd like you to meet... Nylona. 350 00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:19,732 Now you're a little scared about your wife's reaction... 351 00:19:19,805 --> 00:19:23,206 because she's got a temper like Lorena Bobbitt with menstrual cramps... 352 00:19:23,275 --> 00:19:25,334 and you don't want to spend the honeymoon... 353 00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:28,607 describing your private parts to the police artist. 354 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,980 So, like the loser that you are, you totally freak out... 355 00:19:33,051 --> 00:19:37,420 and accidentally inflate your vinyl vixen with hydrogen! 356 00:19:37,489 --> 00:19:40,287 - [Doorbell Rings] - Who could this be? 357 00:19:40,358 --> 00:19:43,088 Complimentary canister of inert hydrogen. 358 00:19:43,161 --> 00:19:47,461 - And after 11:00 too. - Enjoy your compressed gas. 359 00:19:47,532 --> 00:19:50,160 You know we will. 360 00:19:50,235 --> 00:19:52,863 ♪♪ [Humming] 361 00:19:52,938 --> 00:19:57,432 I love a girl who gets pumped up before sex. 362 00:19:57,509 --> 00:20:01,946 Now, she's lookin' like the Madonna balloon at the Macy's Day Parade. 363 00:20:02,013 --> 00:20:04,413 You throw her on the bed. 364 00:20:04,483 --> 00:20:07,646 You're shufflin' around the room lookin' for your tire patching kit... 365 00:20:07,719 --> 00:20:11,587 just in case of a puncture, if you know what I mean. 366 00:20:11,656 --> 00:20:13,647 [Laughing] 367 00:20:13,725 --> 00:20:17,354 What you don't know is this carpet is filled with a dangerous level... 368 00:20:17,429 --> 00:20:19,624 of static electricity. 369 00:20:21,299 --> 00:20:25,599 And your finger has now become a digit of death! 370 00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:30,539 - Oh, God, no! - Oh, God, yes. 371 00:20:36,648 --> 00:20:41,517 [Groaning] Our honeymoon! Hawaii! Fire! 372 00:20:41,586 --> 00:20:45,352 Everything's gonna be all right, honey. I'll get you to the hospital. 373 00:20:45,423 --> 00:20:47,721 Don't worry, baby. 374 00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:51,159 I'm a fire marshal. I know C.P.R.! 375 00:20:54,966 --> 00:20:59,630 Don't go into the light. Don't go into the light! 376 00:21:01,406 --> 00:21:05,069 So ends another 30 minutes of total anarchy. 377 00:21:05,143 --> 00:21:07,077 We'll see you next week... 378 00:21:07,145 --> 00:21:10,342 or whenever else the hell they wanna put this show on! 379 00:21:10,415 --> 00:21:12,542 Good-bye! 380 00:21:12,617 --> 00:21:17,145 ♪♪ [Theme] 381 00:21:55,093 --> 00:21:57,721 ♪♪ [Continues] 33180

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