All language subtitles for In Living Color - 5x10 - Background Guy at Crime Scene - XviD.mp3

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,054 --> 00:00:05,989 This is Debbie Woodruff coming to you live from the corner of Anderson and Wilder... 2 00:00:06,057 --> 00:00:08,389 - [Sirens] - Where just moments ago a fire has erupted... 3 00:00:08,459 --> 00:00:11,656 - [Horns Honking] - Leaving three dead and possibly two others wounded. 4 00:00:11,729 --> 00:00:15,495 I have with me Officer Douglas Danforth of Precinct 26. 5 00:00:15,566 --> 00:00:18,364 - Officer Danforth? - Uh, yes, Debbie. 6 00:00:18,436 --> 00:00:22,770 Officer, early reports have indicated that these deaths are organized crime-related. 7 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,638 - Can you confirm this? - It would certainly seem so, Debbie. 8 00:00:25,710 --> 00:00:29,578 The victims were all known to be affiliated with the Perigi crime family. 9 00:00:29,647 --> 00:00:32,480 As you know, the family has been torn by a bloody power struggle... 10 00:00:32,550 --> 00:00:36,611 since last month's death of the reputed godfather Roberto Perigi. 11 00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:40,647 So do you have positive identifications on these victims? 12 00:00:40,725 --> 00:00:43,057 We won't be positive until we can check for dental records. 13 00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:45,061 But these men were well known around the neighborhood... 14 00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:48,121 as well as the family in question. 15 00:00:48,199 --> 00:00:50,997 But just tonight, I've been speaking with some local residents... 16 00:00:51,069 --> 00:00:54,266 and they seem very reluctant to say anything about these men. 17 00:00:54,339 --> 00:00:56,330 Is that for fear of reprisals? 18 00:00:56,407 --> 00:00:58,500 I'm gonna have to say partially. Despite its troubles... 19 00:00:58,576 --> 00:01:00,771 the Perigi family remains a force in this community. 20 00:01:00,845 --> 00:01:04,076 Certainly, nobody wants to go on record identifying these men as criminals. 21 00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:06,639 But you also have to realize that the community... 22 00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:10,848 These men are commanded. They got respect from the community. 23 00:01:10,922 --> 00:01:13,891 But that money... Does that come at a price? 24 00:01:13,958 --> 00:01:17,155 Uh, they're family men, and absolutely, it does come at a price. 25 00:01:17,228 --> 00:01:19,696 We're talkin' business loans at up to 50% interest. 26 00:01:19,764 --> 00:01:21,994 And, believe me, if you didn't pay on time... 27 00:01:22,066 --> 00:01:25,001 you won't be, uh, very lucky. 28 00:01:25,069 --> 00:01:27,060 I see. Uh, do you have any leads... 29 00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:29,504 on who might want these men dead? 30 00:01:29,574 --> 00:01:32,475 Right now, our best guess is it was an inside job... 31 00:01:32,543 --> 00:01:35,103 perhaps linked to the reports that an internal battle... 32 00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,238 - [Yelling] - [Continues, Indistinct] 33 00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:41,216 So wait a second. Do you see these deaths... 34 00:01:41,285 --> 00:01:44,777 as the end of a bloody power struggle, or just the beginning? 35 00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:48,917 Uh, rival organizations may see this, uh, as their chance... 36 00:01:48,993 --> 00:01:52,554 to rid themselves of the Perigi family once and for all. 37 00:01:52,630 --> 00:01:57,067 So what you're saying is, the community can rest easy tonight? 38 00:01:57,135 --> 00:01:59,228 Uh, I wish I knew, Debbie. In the meantime... 39 00:01:59,303 --> 00:02:02,466 residents of the community will surely feel increased police presence. 40 00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,474 We're on top of the matter, and I'd like to stress... 41 00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:07,136 that nobody in this community has anything to fear. 42 00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:09,441 Thank you very much, Officer Danforth. 43 00:02:09,514 --> 00:02:12,312 Again, three are dead, two are wounded... 44 00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,578 and the culprits are still at large. 45 00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:17,883 From the corner of Anderson and Wilder, this is Debbie Woodruff. 46 00:02:17,955 --> 00:02:21,823 Back to you in the studio. And one more thing I might say. 47 00:02:21,893 --> 00:02:23,827 If you can tune in this evening... 48 00:02:23,895 --> 00:02:28,025 and make sure if you have any news or any speculation on who these men might be... 49 00:02:28,099 --> 00:02:31,193 please call our studio and let us know as soon as possible. 50 00:02:31,269 --> 00:02:33,999 Thank you very much. Back to you, Bob. 51 00:02:36,707 --> 00:02:40,143 - [Laughing] - ♪ In living color♪ 52 00:02:40,211 --> 00:02:44,147 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 53 00:02:44,215 --> 00:02:47,412 ♪ In living color♪ 54 00:02:47,485 --> 00:02:52,149 - ♪ In living color♪ - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 55 00:02:52,223 --> 00:02:53,884 ♪ In living color♪ 56 00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:57,360 ♪ In living color♪ 57 00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,396 ♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪ 58 00:02:59,464 --> 00:03:01,398 ♪ You see, it's never too late and it's never too soon ♪ 59 00:03:01,466 --> 00:03:03,525 - ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪ - Hi-yah! 60 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,899 ♪ In living color♪ 61 00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:07,562 ♪ And how would ya... How would ya... How would ya f... ♪ 62 00:03:07,638 --> 00:03:09,572 ♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪ 63 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,835 ♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪ 64 00:03:11,909 --> 00:03:15,345 [Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪ 65 00:03:15,413 --> 00:03:18,348 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 66 00:03:18,416 --> 00:03:20,350 ♪ In living color♪ 67 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:23,943 ♪ In living color♪ 68 00:03:24,021 --> 00:03:27,354 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 69 00:03:27,425 --> 00:03:31,794 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 70 00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:35,458 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 71 00:03:35,533 --> 00:03:40,300 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 72 00:03:40,371 --> 00:03:42,339 - [Turntable Scratching] - ♪ In living color♪♪ 73 00:03:42,406 --> 00:03:45,807 [Laughing] 74 00:03:48,846 --> 00:03:51,644 This hearing is called to order. We have called together this committee... 75 00:03:51,716 --> 00:03:55,208 to investigate violence on television and its effects on young people. 76 00:03:55,286 --> 00:03:57,220 Miss Reno, you may begin. 77 00:03:57,288 --> 00:04:00,121 Well, I feel it is only fitting to begin with the worst offender. 78 00:04:00,191 --> 00:04:03,524 That's why I have subpoenaed Mr. Wile E. Coyote. 79 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:11,662 Yeah. Excuse me, but my name is no longer Wile E. Coyote... 80 00:04:11,736 --> 00:04:17,106 but Will E. Coyote, because Wile E. Is a mutt's name, and I am not a dog. 81 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,734 I think this trial is a joke, and I have been railroaded. 82 00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:24,474 Mr. Coyote, do you know why you're here? 83 00:04:24,549 --> 00:04:27,450 Somethin' about, you know, I didn't pay my child support or somethin' like that. 84 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:30,078 But, hey, man, it's hard for coyotes. You know what I'm sayin', man? 85 00:04:30,154 --> 00:04:34,090 With this whole Jurassic Park... They didn't ask me to do a part. [Barks] 86 00:04:34,158 --> 00:04:36,592 This has nothing to do with child support. 87 00:04:36,661 --> 00:04:39,824 You are accused of portraying irresponsible violence on television. 88 00:04:39,897 --> 00:04:42,730 Man, you know what? Why you comin' down on a workin' dog like me? 89 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,065 You know what I'm sayin'? I mean, you know, I just don't understand you. 90 00:04:46,137 --> 00:04:48,867 I go to the mall. I have to deal with all these little kids and all this other kind of stuff. 91 00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,932 I ain't even got no genitals. You know how hard is it on me? 92 00:04:54,979 --> 00:04:59,609 Mr. Coyote, do you have any legal representation? 93 00:04:59,684 --> 00:05:02,710 - Well, I certainly have. - Is counsel present? 94 00:05:02,787 --> 00:05:04,812 He sure is. 95 00:05:10,361 --> 00:05:13,819 - State your name for the record. - My name is ElmerJ. Fudd. 96 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:17,834 - I'm a warrior and a big game hunter. - Yeah, he got skills. 97 00:05:17,902 --> 00:05:20,462 He's still tryin' to get that Hooked On Phonics class goin' on. 98 00:05:20,538 --> 00:05:25,441 I would like to submit that my "quient" has never ever set a bad example for children. 99 00:05:25,509 --> 00:05:27,443 My quient "woves" children. 100 00:05:27,511 --> 00:05:29,638 That's what I'm sayin'. You know, 'cause like, uh... 101 00:05:29,714 --> 00:05:31,978 I used to have my own little theme park, you know... 102 00:05:32,049 --> 00:05:34,483 with, like, a little Ferris wheel and everything. 103 00:05:34,552 --> 00:05:36,782 Then somebody investigated somethin' about, you know... 104 00:05:36,854 --> 00:05:38,788 I had molested a child or somethin' like that. 105 00:05:38,856 --> 00:05:41,290 - But, you know... - He only sniffed him. 106 00:05:41,359 --> 00:05:43,520 That's exactly right. You know, we just slept together. 107 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,528 Nothin' ever happened. You know what I'm sayin'? 108 00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,530 Nothin' ever happened. We were just sleepin' together. You know what I'm sayin'? 109 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,328 - [Coyote Continues, Indistinct] - Mr. Coyote... Mr... Mr. Coyote! 110 00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:53,928 He had some honey on him. 111 00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,838 Mr. Coyote, you've influenced millions of kids. 112 00:05:56,907 --> 00:06:00,240 How do you account for the 14-year-old boy who held up this sign... 113 00:06:00,311 --> 00:06:02,779 right before jumping off the edge of the Grand Canyon? 114 00:06:02,847 --> 00:06:05,748 [Scoffing] You're gonna blame that on me, huh? 115 00:06:05,816 --> 00:06:08,011 You're gonna blame that on... Let me tell... Let me tell you somethin', man. 116 00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:10,679 That's some old-school stuff. We don't even do that no more. You know what I'm sayin'? 117 00:06:10,755 --> 00:06:12,780 Look, I'm just a K-9 tryin' to get paid. 118 00:06:12,857 --> 00:06:14,791 Shh! 119 00:06:14,859 --> 00:06:18,818 Be very, very quiet. You might "inquiminate" yourself. 120 00:06:18,896 --> 00:06:21,421 [Tittering] 121 00:06:21,499 --> 00:06:26,027 Senator, children everywhere are even swallowing accordions because of this coyote. 122 00:06:26,103 --> 00:06:28,037 - Aw, that's a lie. - ♪♪ [Accordion Humming] 123 00:06:28,105 --> 00:06:32,542 I ain't never swallowed an accordion in my entire life. 124 00:06:32,610 --> 00:06:34,942 ♪♪ [Accordion Humming] 125 00:06:35,012 --> 00:06:37,276 Y'all just singlin' me out 'cause I'm a brother. 126 00:06:37,348 --> 00:06:40,181 - Are you insinuating racial bias here? - That's what I'm sayin'. 127 00:06:40,251 --> 00:06:42,811 'Cause ain't no other 'toons out there but Daffy Duck, Heckle and Jeckle. 128 00:06:42,887 --> 00:06:46,015 Hey, where's that honky Casper the Friendly Ghost? You know what I'm sayin'? 129 00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:49,253 - Where's Blueberry Hound and his blue ass? - You're out of order! 130 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,726 I'm out of order? You're out of order! 131 00:06:51,796 --> 00:06:55,857 She's out of order! The whole damn "twial" is out of order! 132 00:06:55,933 --> 00:06:59,061 [Tittering] 133 00:06:59,136 --> 00:07:01,468 That's about enough, Counselor Fudd. 134 00:07:01,539 --> 00:07:03,700 Now, do you have anything to say on your client's behalf? 135 00:07:03,774 --> 00:07:08,006 Senators, I submit to you, my quient is guilty of no "wongdoing"... 136 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:11,571 but in "actuwowity," it is the fault of the Acme Company... 137 00:07:11,649 --> 00:07:13,583 where he gets his "suppwies." 138 00:07:13,651 --> 00:07:15,983 Yeah, you tell 'em, Elmer. Take, for example, this bird seed. 139 00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:18,146 Now, look. Mr. Bobo would have it... 140 00:07:18,222 --> 00:07:21,555 where, uh, if a roadrunner would eat this bird seed, he'd be fine. 141 00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:23,559 But if I'm chasin' a roadrunner all day... 142 00:07:23,627 --> 00:07:25,993 and then I eat a little bird seed, look at this. 143 00:07:26,063 --> 00:07:28,861 - Look what happens to me. - [Rumbling] 144 00:07:31,202 --> 00:07:36,003 Mr. Coyote, senators, these are Earthquake Pills. 145 00:07:36,073 --> 00:07:39,440 That's exactly my point. It's "miswabeled." 146 00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:42,172 And take a "wook" at this "umbwella." 147 00:07:42,246 --> 00:07:45,875 It's very, very "fwimsy." 148 00:07:45,950 --> 00:07:49,249 Yeah. Now, this is supposed to protect my hair from fallin' objects. 149 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:53,154 Mr. Coyote, you can put that away. Nothing's gonna fall on your head here. 150 00:07:53,224 --> 00:07:55,715 Well, you never know when somethin' might fall on your head, because... 151 00:07:55,793 --> 00:07:57,988 Whoop! There it is! 152 00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:02,599 See, all I get is chuckles. That's all I get is chuckles. 153 00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:05,760 You know, I'm tired of this, man. They're just chucklin' and laughin' at me, man. 154 00:08:05,836 --> 00:08:08,100 I just want some respect. I don't want no money, no change, you know. 155 00:08:08,172 --> 00:08:11,869 - I just want a tail for my a... - [Man] You're out of order.! 156 00:08:11,942 --> 00:08:14,137 Gentlemen, I find it hard to believe... 157 00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:17,237 that these lovely Acme products are at fault. 158 00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:20,010 I mean, if what you say is true, I can simply come here... 159 00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:24,350 and press down on this harmless detonator with no battery and no dynamite and... 160 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,412 - No! - No! 161 00:08:29,126 --> 00:08:31,219 [Fudd] I told you. 162 00:08:31,295 --> 00:08:33,729 [Tittering] 163 00:08:40,037 --> 00:08:42,437 ♪♪ [Theme] 164 00:08:47,645 --> 00:08:50,671 You are strong. You are beautiful. You are perfect. 165 00:08:50,748 --> 00:08:54,149 Welcome once again to the show by, for and about women... 166 00:08:54,218 --> 00:08:56,152 [Audience] Go On, Girl! 167 00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,745 All right. I'm your host, Shawanda Harvey. 168 00:08:58,823 --> 00:09:01,485 Many of you have read my book Eve Stands Alone... 169 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:03,618 in which I celebrate the independence of women. 170 00:09:03,694 --> 00:09:09,064 I go one step further with my new book, Adam, Take Back Your Damn Rib. 171 00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:13,570 All right. Our topic for today's show is the always controversial Madonna. 172 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:18,404 Is she helpin' to empower women, or is she allowing herself to be exploited in a man's world? 173 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:22,536 Please welcome my guests. To my right is Sandra Bernhard. 174 00:09:22,613 --> 00:09:24,547 All right. Sandra... 175 00:09:24,615 --> 00:09:26,947 you are strong, you are beautiful, you are perfect. 176 00:09:27,017 --> 00:09:31,716 Oh, don't I know it, sister? I am fabulous. 177 00:09:31,789 --> 00:09:34,986 And to my left is Rosie O'Donnell. 178 00:09:35,059 --> 00:09:40,087 Rosie. You are strong, you are strong, you are strong. 179 00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:42,632 - Thanks, Shawanda. You too, babe. - All right. 180 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:46,136 Well, uh... Now, sisters, you both know Madonna. 181 00:09:46,203 --> 00:09:49,001 Madonna and I used to be good "friends." 182 00:09:49,073 --> 00:09:52,099 But then she dumped me and decided to go slumming. 183 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:54,269 Well, uh, Rosie... 184 00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:56,609 you and Madonna were in the movie A League of Their Own. 185 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,841 Now, that was a celebration of the equality of women. 186 00:09:58,916 --> 00:10:01,441 You bet your perfect little boobies, honey. 187 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,009 I think it's obvious Madonna is a perfect example... 188 00:10:04,088 --> 00:10:06,079 of a woman who has done it her way. 189 00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:08,317 Believe me, baby, the slut has done it every way. 190 00:10:08,392 --> 00:10:10,986 Okay? I mean, she's done it with men... 191 00:10:11,061 --> 00:10:13,222 without men, with women, without women... 192 00:10:13,297 --> 00:10:15,231 with men who used to be women, with German shepherds... 193 00:10:15,299 --> 00:10:17,233 [Rosie] Okay, okay. 194 00:10:17,301 --> 00:10:21,362 The point is, she used men when it suited her and trashed 'em anytime she felt like it. 195 00:10:21,438 --> 00:10:23,406 Well, trash is the operative word here, okay? 196 00:10:23,474 --> 00:10:26,307 She is trash that will not burn, sister, okay? 197 00:10:26,377 --> 00:10:28,311 You'll find out. When she is through with you... 198 00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:32,679 she'll dump you like a Chevy Chase talk show. 199 00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:35,116 Looks like somebody took a little bitter pill this morning. 200 00:10:35,185 --> 00:10:37,449 Oh, take this, Rotunda O'Donnell. 201 00:10:37,521 --> 00:10:41,048 No, no, no, no, no. Please, sisters, sisters, sisters. 202 00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:43,355 Let's try to keep this from getting personal. 203 00:10:43,427 --> 00:10:46,555 Now, in the spirit of sisterhood, let's hear a "Go on, girl." 204 00:10:46,630 --> 00:10:48,723 - Go on, girl. - Go on, girl. 205 00:10:48,799 --> 00:10:52,895 All right. We're talkin' about Madonna as a role model for other women. 206 00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:55,530 Now, it would appear to me at times that... 207 00:10:55,606 --> 00:10:59,042 she seems to allow herself to be sexually exploited by men. 208 00:10:59,109 --> 00:11:01,043 - I think you got that backwards. - Oh, God. 209 00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:04,274 She's done it backwards, she's done it forwards, she's done it sideways... 210 00:11:04,348 --> 00:11:07,977 You are still pissed because she dumped you for Warren Beatty, okay? 211 00:11:08,052 --> 00:11:11,385 Please. I am twice the man Warren Beatty will ever be. 212 00:11:11,455 --> 00:11:13,946 Maybe he's got something you don't. 213 00:11:14,024 --> 00:11:17,619 That may be, big girl. But if I don't have it, I can rent it, sister. 214 00:11:17,695 --> 00:11:20,596 Well, well, well. Now, there seems to be no way... 215 00:11:20,664 --> 00:11:22,598 to keep this discussion from getting personal. 216 00:11:22,666 --> 00:11:26,158 The message would seem to be that it is great for a woman to be independent... 217 00:11:26,236 --> 00:11:29,171 but there's a fine line between putting men in their place and being a... 218 00:11:29,239 --> 00:11:32,868 Well, you know. I'm Shawanda Harvey. Good-bye, and... 219 00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,672 - [Audience] Go on, girl.! - Go on, girl! 220 00:11:34,745 --> 00:11:37,043 ♪♪ [Theme] 221 00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:48,815 Hi, kids. I'm Candy Cane, and welcome to the show. 222 00:11:48,892 --> 00:11:52,760 "Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub, splashing and washing away. 223 00:11:52,830 --> 00:11:55,298 "The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. 224 00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:58,164 Why are all the good-looking men gay?" 225 00:11:59,837 --> 00:12:04,797 That's a gem. Now, let's see if our special friend has called yet. 226 00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:08,208 You know, I met him at Snookie's Bar, and he promised. 227 00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:10,610 Let's ask Mr. Phone Machine. 228 00:12:10,681 --> 00:12:13,206 [Male Voice] Girl, now, you know ain't nobody called you. 229 00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:19,619 Well, I guess the word for today is "liar." 230 00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:22,591 L-l-A-R. Liar. 231 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,492 And guess what, kids? Now it's time to say hi... 232 00:12:25,562 --> 00:12:28,827 to our old friend, Mr. Clock. 233 00:12:28,899 --> 00:12:30,992 Hey, you know, just clockin' it. 234 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:36,738 - Hi, Mr. Clock. - What's up? 235 00:12:36,807 --> 00:12:39,002 - What time is it? - What time is it? 236 00:12:39,076 --> 00:12:41,840 It's time for you to have some kids. 237 00:12:41,912 --> 00:12:44,142 You see, children, he's a biological clock. 238 00:12:44,214 --> 00:12:46,739 - That's why he says all those mean things. - Yeah, Candy. 239 00:12:46,817 --> 00:12:51,083 And you need to hurry up, 'cause you ain't got enough eggs to make a two-egg omelet. 240 00:12:51,155 --> 00:12:53,350 Shut up, you liar. 241 00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:57,884 L-l-A-R. Liar. Now, tell 'em a little poem before I buy a Swatch. 242 00:12:57,961 --> 00:13:01,522 No problem. Hickory dickory dock. The mouse ran up the clock. 243 00:13:01,598 --> 00:13:04,965 The clock struck eight. You said your period was late. 244 00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:08,698 The next day, he moved to the next state. Hey! 245 00:13:10,407 --> 00:13:11,999 [Groans] 246 00:13:12,076 --> 00:13:16,410 And all the microsurgery in the world couldn't put him back together again. 247 00:13:18,148 --> 00:13:21,777 Well, kids, now it's that time to bring a prehistoric creature. 248 00:13:21,852 --> 00:13:24,286 Our old friend, Jurassic Benny. 249 00:13:24,354 --> 00:13:28,347 - Hi, Candy Cane! - Hi, Benny. Do you know what time it is? 250 00:13:28,425 --> 00:13:31,258 Time for your flat a... to have some kids. 251 00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:37,560 Oh, listen, Big Ben. If you didn't shoot blanks, I wouldn't have this problem. 252 00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:40,159 Come on, everybody. Let's do the Benny dance! 253 00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:43,400 Okay! 254 00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:46,671 Faster. Faster. Faster! Faster! 255 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,768 Faster! Faster! Faster! 256 00:13:48,846 --> 00:13:51,041 Wait a second, Candy. 257 00:13:52,783 --> 00:13:55,650 - What? - Don't you know what time it is? 258 00:13:55,719 --> 00:13:57,949 It's two minutes till menopause. 259 00:13:58,021 --> 00:14:00,546 You should know about two minutes, Mr. Clock. 260 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:04,652 You know something, Benny? 261 00:14:04,728 --> 00:14:06,753 I love you. 262 00:14:06,830 --> 00:14:10,823 - Yeah? - [Grunts] I love you. 263 00:14:10,901 --> 00:14:13,233 Yeah, well, I love you too, Candy... 264 00:14:13,303 --> 00:14:15,567 but I'm not in love with you. 265 00:14:15,639 --> 00:14:17,630 [Forced Laughter] 266 00:14:17,708 --> 00:14:20,700 But you said you were gonna leave your wife and marry me. 267 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:24,076 Oh, no, I never said that. You're a liar. 268 00:14:26,016 --> 00:14:31,249 Well, you sing a different tune after a six pack and a quart of personal lubricant. 269 00:14:31,321 --> 00:14:33,482 - You two-faced, double-crossing, son of a... - Wait a minute. 270 00:14:33,557 --> 00:14:35,491 Double-crossin' what? What you talkin' about? 271 00:14:35,559 --> 00:14:37,493 You know I got a restraining order against you. 272 00:14:37,561 --> 00:14:39,620 Now, stop talkin' all this trash, stop callin' my house. 273 00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:41,823 And I know you was the one that boiled my little girl's rabbit! 274 00:14:41,899 --> 00:14:44,561 And you mess with myJag one more time, I'm gonna put my prehistoric foot... 275 00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:48,036 so far up your behind, you're gonna be coughin' up shoelaces. 276 00:14:50,374 --> 00:14:53,537 You get out of here, and you take all your crap with you... 277 00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:56,010 Mr. I'll Meet You At The Econo Lodge! 278 00:14:56,079 --> 00:15:00,175 You can take your lunch box and your album! 279 00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:04,084 - I don't need you! - Why don't you just hold her, man? 280 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,281 I ain't holdin' that ho. 281 00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:15,625 Liars! You're just both liars and users and insensitive pigs... 282 00:15:15,699 --> 00:15:18,964 and horny, worthless bunch of lowlifes! 283 00:15:19,036 --> 00:15:21,402 Well, kids, I guess it's just us. 284 00:15:21,471 --> 00:15:23,632 But you're not even my real kids. 285 00:15:23,707 --> 00:15:27,268 I'll never have kids. I'm destined to pick cat hair out of my Lean Cuisine. 286 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:30,313 [Announcer] Join us tomorrow, boys and girls... 287 00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:33,907 for another adventure in Candyland with Candy Cane. 288 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,359 ♪♪ [Theme] 289 00:15:56,981 --> 00:16:00,576 Alice, you are never gonna believe what happened to me at work today. 290 00:16:00,651 --> 00:16:04,246 Let me guess, Ralph. You stepped on the back of a bus and it popped a wheelie. 291 00:16:04,321 --> 00:16:07,688 Oh, honey. Ha-ha. You're a regular riot. 292 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,386 No. Look at this. Take a look. 293 00:16:11,829 --> 00:16:13,956 EarlJohnson's retiring? 294 00:16:14,031 --> 00:16:16,022 - So? - So? 295 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,866 EarlJohnson's a dispatcher. That means they gotta give me his job. 296 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,064 An extra eight bucks a week, Alice. 297 00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:25,506 On an extra eight bucks a week, we are gonna be livin' large! 298 00:16:25,576 --> 00:16:28,568 You've been livin' large since birth, Ralph. 299 00:16:28,646 --> 00:16:30,978 Oh, that's funny, Alice. You're real funny. 300 00:16:31,048 --> 00:16:33,039 You're a regular M.C. Wisenheimer. 301 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:37,053 Now, listen, my boss is comin' over here tonight. So, uh, what's for dinner? 302 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:40,613 - TV dinners. - TV dinners? TV dinners? 303 00:16:40,691 --> 00:16:43,182 You can't serve the head of a bus company TV dinners! 304 00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:46,195 You're right, Ralph. I won't. 305 00:16:46,263 --> 00:16:50,393 Alice, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself! 306 00:16:51,735 --> 00:16:55,535 Nice weave, Alice. Now, step. Step! 307 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:06,912 Ralphie, my boy, you need to find yourself another freak. 308 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,918 Baby got back. What can I tell you? 309 00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:11,853 The witch is whack. She's whack. 310 00:17:11,922 --> 00:17:14,220 Now, uh... So, what up, poor slice? 311 00:17:14,291 --> 00:17:17,590 Norton, you gotta help me. My boss is comin' over here tonight... 312 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:20,926 and he's black, and I don't know the first thing about being hip. 313 00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,626 I'm gonna hook ya up. The first thing you need to know is, uh... 314 00:17:23,701 --> 00:17:27,193 the handshake, or "dap," as the brothers call it. 315 00:17:27,271 --> 00:17:29,796 - Handshake. All right. - Here it comes. 316 00:17:29,873 --> 00:17:31,864 Uh-huh. 317 00:17:37,247 --> 00:17:40,739 - Would you come on! - I'm comin' at you. All right, here we go. 318 00:17:40,818 --> 00:17:43,787 Fake, down, hup, one. Pull it and stab it. 319 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,879 Oh, yeah. 320 00:17:45,956 --> 00:17:48,015 Geez. That's, uh... 321 00:17:48,092 --> 00:17:50,151 That's a lot of work to do, Norton, just to shake hands. 322 00:17:50,227 --> 00:17:52,320 I think I lost about four pounds there. 323 00:17:52,396 --> 00:17:54,864 Look at it this way, Ralph. Greet 10 people a day... 324 00:17:54,932 --> 00:17:57,423 you'll be able to see your toes by Christmas. 325 00:17:57,501 --> 00:17:59,901 I tell ya. Now, I assume that he's your boss... 326 00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:03,906 and he probably went to one of them, uh, black colleges. 327 00:18:03,974 --> 00:18:07,410 - Probably one of them fraternity brats. - Yeah. 328 00:18:07,478 --> 00:18:10,470 So I'm gonna show you some of their step moves. 329 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,845 - Now, watch closely, Ralph. - All right. Whoa! 330 00:18:12,916 --> 00:18:14,850 - Watch my remote, Ralph. - Okay. 331 00:18:14,918 --> 00:18:17,318 I'll bust a cap in your a... Boom! 332 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,686 ♪♪ [Funk] 333 00:18:21,792 --> 00:18:23,987 - Me phi me! - Me phi me! 334 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,222 - You phi you! - You phi you! 335 00:18:26,296 --> 00:18:28,856 [Continues, Indistinct] 336 00:18:28,932 --> 00:18:31,332 Would you get off the furniture! 337 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:34,030 - [Knocking] - All right, that's him. 338 00:18:34,104 --> 00:18:36,038 - What am I gonna do? What am I gonna say? - It's okay, Ralph. 339 00:18:36,106 --> 00:18:38,540 - Don't worry about it. I got you covered. - All right, all right. 340 00:18:38,609 --> 00:18:41,806 - Ah, Mr. Williams. - Hey, Kramden. Sorry I'm late. 341 00:18:41,879 --> 00:18:43,870 I had to come all the way across town from the suburbs. 342 00:18:43,947 --> 00:18:46,279 I, uh... 343 00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:48,011 [Muttering] 344 00:18:49,887 --> 00:18:51,752 Assalaamu alaikum.! 345 00:18:51,822 --> 00:18:54,290 - What? - Uh... 346 00:18:54,358 --> 00:18:57,191 Well, uh, you did go to college, right, Mr. Williams? 347 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,286 What are you gettin' at, Kramden? 348 00:18:59,363 --> 00:19:03,026 Well, uh, we just wanted to make you feel at home, if you know what I mean. 349 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,625 ♪♪ [Funk] 350 00:19:07,704 --> 00:19:09,569 - Me phi me! - Me phi me! 351 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,699 - You phi you! - You phi you! 352 00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,936 [Both Bark] 353 00:19:14,011 --> 00:19:16,445 - [Barks] - [Barks] 354 00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:19,676 - Hey! - What the hell is wrong with you, man? 355 00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:21,809 - ♪♪ [Shuts Off] - Kramden, I'm insulted, man! 356 00:19:21,885 --> 00:19:24,251 - What is on your mind? - The dude is buggin, Ralph. He's buggin'. 357 00:19:24,321 --> 00:19:27,757 We thought this was the kind of thing that went on at black colleges. 358 00:19:27,825 --> 00:19:30,225 As a matter of fact, I went to Princeton. 359 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,228 [Stammering] 360 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,890 Just what I thought, Ralph. He's an Oreo. 361 00:19:37,167 --> 00:19:39,362 Princeton. 362 00:19:39,436 --> 00:19:42,963 - I didn't know. - I had no idea how ignorant you were. 363 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,100 I guess I'm not gonna get that dispatcher job, huh? 364 00:19:46,176 --> 00:19:48,940 What, are you crazy? The reason I came all the way over here tonight... 365 00:19:49,012 --> 00:19:51,344 was to ask you to speak at EarlJohnson's retirement dinner. 366 00:19:51,415 --> 00:19:55,852 - Homina, homina, homina. - Homina, homina, homina my bony ass. 367 00:19:55,919 --> 00:19:59,286 You blew this one. You can't even get that together. Hey! 368 00:19:59,356 --> 00:20:02,883 Have a good night, you and Vanilla Ice. 369 00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:13,331 You forgot your hat, bro. 370 00:20:13,403 --> 00:20:15,701 Ralph, I know this may be a bad time... 371 00:20:15,772 --> 00:20:19,299 but is there any malt liquor in the house? 372 00:20:19,376 --> 00:20:21,310 - Would you get out of here! - Okay! 373 00:20:21,378 --> 00:20:24,313 The next time I see ya... 374 00:20:24,381 --> 00:20:26,315 you can new jack swing on my you know what! 375 00:20:26,383 --> 00:20:29,409 Get out of here before I get my gauge! 376 00:20:32,489 --> 00:20:35,481 Ralph, I just saw Mr. Williams storming out of here. What happened? 377 00:20:35,559 --> 00:20:38,551 I'll tell you what happened, Alice. I got a big mouth! 378 00:20:38,629 --> 00:20:41,063 Amongst other things. 379 00:20:41,131 --> 00:20:43,361 Look, Alice... 380 00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:45,833 the only reason I wanted that promotion in the first place... 381 00:20:45,903 --> 00:20:50,499 was so I could buy you a new pair ofTimberland boots and a Raiders jacket. 382 00:20:50,574 --> 00:20:53,839 Oh, that's so sweet. Oh, Ralph. 383 00:20:53,911 --> 00:20:56,311 You know I'll always be your hooty mac. 384 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:59,213 Baby, you're the dopest. 385 00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:01,581 ♪♪ [Theme] 386 00:21:05,756 --> 00:21:08,088 There are six million ways to laugh. Choose one. 387 00:21:08,158 --> 00:21:10,285 Good night! 388 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:15,320 ♪♪ [Theme] 389 00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:57,930 ♪♪ [Continues] 390 00:22:16,860 --> 00:22:19,055 ♪♪ [Ends] 34750

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.