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[Narrator] Wanda has searched highand low for the father ofher baby.
2
00:00:05,490 --> 00:00:07,458
- Has she finally looked low enough?
- [Rings Bell]
3
00:00:07,525 --> 00:00:13,088
Hey. Hello? Can you hear me?
4
00:00:13,164 --> 00:00:15,860
Uh, look, anyway, Wild Thing,
this is Wanda Wayne.
5
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:20,267
I met you down at the Chunky Monkey
and that's where you picked me up.
6
00:00:20,338 --> 00:00:22,602
Well, actually, I picked you up 'cause
you know you was drunk and stuff...
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00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,608
and I "drug" you off and stuff.
8
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You was so heavy. Look, come on and open up
'cause I got a wonderful surprise for you.
9
00:00:29,514 --> 00:00:34,577
Did you know you was a daddy?
You about to have birf. B-l-R-F.
10
00:00:34,652 --> 00:00:37,849
So anyway, you need to open up and stuff.
Don't be playin' hard to get and stuff.
11
00:00:37,922 --> 00:00:40,914
Let me ask you somethin'.
Why you change you name and stuff...
12
00:00:40,992 --> 00:00:42,926
and got in
the Witness Protection Program?
13
00:00:42,994 --> 00:00:45,485
That wasn't even right.
That wasn't right to do me like that.
14
00:00:45,563 --> 00:00:48,031
All you had to do was own up
to your responsibilities.
15
00:00:48,099 --> 00:00:51,227
But I think it's real cute how you tryin'
to play hard to get and all.
16
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,736
So I guess I'm gonna have to use
one of my little Wanda tricks.
17
00:00:53,805 --> 00:00:57,605
- [Whirring]
- I really don't mean to do this, but just bill me.
18
00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:03,405
- [Laughing]- ♪ In living color♪
19
00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:07,178
♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
20
00:01:07,251 --> 00:01:09,185
♪ In living color♪
21
00:01:10,755 --> 00:01:15,419
- ♪ In living color♪- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
22
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,654
♪ In living color♪
23
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:20,664
♪ In living color♪
24
00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:22,666
♪ You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon ♪
25
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,725
♪ You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon ♪
26
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- ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪
- Hi-yah!
27
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♪ In living color♪
28
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♪ And how would ya...How would ya... How would ya f... ♪
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00:01:30,908 --> 00:01:32,842
♪ How would you feel knowingprejudice was obsolete ♪
30
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♪ And all mankind dancedto the exact beat ♪
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00:01:35,146 --> 00:01:38,604
[Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safeto walk down the street ♪
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
34
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♪ In living color♪
35
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- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
36
00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:54,794
- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
37
00:01:54,866 --> 00:01:59,565
- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
38
00:01:59,637 --> 00:02:03,573
- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
39
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- [Turntable Scratching]- ♪ In living color♪♪
40
00:02:05,643 --> 00:02:08,077
[Laughing]
41
00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:16,984
[Announcer] HBO presents one ofthe hottest comedy specials of the year...
42
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:21,013
It's Sam Kinison...
Live From Hell!
43
00:02:22,627 --> 00:02:25,425
What's happenin', Hades?
44
00:02:25,496 --> 00:02:28,260
Yeah, yeah, oh-oh!
45
00:02:28,332 --> 00:02:31,358
Yeah!
[Giggles]
46
00:02:31,436 --> 00:02:35,702
You know, people keep
asking me, Sam, what sucks...
47
00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:38,298
what sucks about hell?
48
00:02:38,376 --> 00:02:41,573
Well, I'll tell you.
[Screaming] It's hot!
49
00:02:41,646 --> 00:02:47,346
I mean, it's hot a lot!
And it's not a dry heat, mister! No!
50
00:02:50,455 --> 00:02:52,753
But I knew I was in hell...
51
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:57,420
when they piped Andrew Dice Clay
into my dressing room! [Screams]
52
00:03:03,301 --> 00:03:08,000
But it's good to be back. It's nice to be
here tonight in the Lee Atwater Room.
53
00:03:08,072 --> 00:03:10,472
[Hooting]
54
00:03:11,676 --> 00:03:14,577
[Laughing]
55
00:03:14,645 --> 00:03:16,943
I don't know what you people
are cheering about.
56
00:03:17,014 --> 00:03:19,209
I'm not sure what's worse
down here...
57
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:23,947
the food or the painful
rectal spasms.
58
00:03:24,021 --> 00:03:28,924
You get 'em about every four minutes!
Here come another one now! [Screams]
59
00:03:30,361 --> 00:03:33,660
Oh, you love it, Elvis,
you died on the toilet! Ow, ow!
60
00:03:33,731 --> 00:03:37,724
Give me a Percodan, man.![Groans]
61
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:40,032
[Giggles]
62
00:03:40,104 --> 00:03:43,437
The other day, I ran
into Liberace.
63
00:03:43,508 --> 00:03:48,502
And he starts hassling me
about my act... Liberace!
64
00:03:48,579 --> 00:03:52,572
I said, at least I died like a man,
not with one! [Screams] Come on!
65
00:03:55,119 --> 00:03:57,610
When they pulled me out of my car,there was liquor on my breath.
66
00:03:57,688 --> 00:04:01,715
What was on yours, Libby?
Huh? What was on yours?
67
00:04:01,792 --> 00:04:04,386
Ow, ow!
68
00:04:05,596 --> 00:04:09,054
[Giggling]
Oh, you love it!
69
00:04:11,202 --> 00:04:15,263
But you know what's weird about hell?
Who's here and who isn't.
70
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:17,864
I mean, who thought Danny
Thomas would be here, huh?
71
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:25,246
I got a little question
for ya, where is Hitler?
72
00:04:25,316 --> 00:04:28,683
Where's Hitler? He killed
six million people!
73
00:04:28,753 --> 00:04:30,744
You think you might run
into him somewhere!
74
00:04:30,821 --> 00:04:34,757
The snack bar, the Lake of Fire,
I don't know, where's Hitler?
75
00:04:37,128 --> 00:04:39,619
Yeah!
76
00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:43,132
[Giggles]
77
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,499
My favorite man down here, of course,
the Big Man himself, Satan.
78
00:04:46,571 --> 00:04:49,631
That's right. Satan.
We used to call him "Prince"...
79
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:53,143
"Prince of Darkness..."
till he changed his name to a symbol!
80
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:56,475
You know he did it to meet chicks.
He's a loser, he's a loser!
81
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:58,947
[Growling]
No, I'm just kidding ya, man.
82
00:04:59,016 --> 00:05:01,576
He's here tonight, my man
Satan, give it up for him!
83
00:05:01,652 --> 00:05:04,212
- [Applauding]- [Hooting] Yeah.!
84
00:05:04,288 --> 00:05:08,418
You've been a great crowd, I'm herethrough eternity.! See ya later, hell.! Yeah.!
85
00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:22,502
Hi! I'm Susie, your AT&T operator,
here to tell you about a new plan...
86
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:25,508
that can save you money on all those
long distance phone calls you make...
87
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:28,704
to that special someone who's
never out of your thoughts.
88
00:05:28,779 --> 00:05:31,247
Uh, Hey, my name Tiny.
89
00:05:31,315 --> 00:05:36,912
I used to have real big phone bill,
but with AT&T Frequent Caller Plan...
90
00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:41,391
I can save as much as 50%
on the calls I make to this here woman...
91
00:05:41,459 --> 00:05:44,792
who's so sexy, she make me...
[Chuckles]
92
00:05:44,862 --> 00:05:48,821
- [Ringing]
- Hello?
93
00:05:48,899 --> 00:05:52,562
Uh, uh...
Is this Miss Ryerson?
94
00:05:52,637 --> 00:05:54,571
Yes. Who is this?
95
00:05:54,639 --> 00:05:59,133
Uh, uh... Do you have
big "breast-es-es"?
96
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:01,440
I told you to stop calling me!
97
00:06:01,512 --> 00:06:03,742
No, wait, hold up
Miss Lady, hold up! Uh, uh...
98
00:06:03,814 --> 00:06:07,147
Do you have real, real,
real big breast-es-es?
99
00:06:08,886 --> 00:06:11,514
With AT&T Frequent Caller Plan...
100
00:06:11,589 --> 00:06:14,353
you'll save so much, you'll find yourself
calling over and over...
101
00:06:14,425 --> 00:06:16,416
and over and over again!
102
00:06:16,494 --> 00:06:19,895
[In AJamaican Accent] Hello, I'm calling
from the American Bra Association.
103
00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:21,898
What do you want?
104
00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:25,800
This is a matter of national security, ma'am.
What size bra do you wear?
105
00:06:25,870 --> 00:06:28,361
- A 36 D. Why?
- Ooh. Ooh.
106
00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:32,569
Then you must have real big
breast-es-es! L-I wanna touch 'em!
107
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:37,012
Remember, the more you call,
the more you'll save!
108
00:06:37,081 --> 00:06:39,845
The number you have dialed has been
disconnected! Gimme the phone, man!
109
00:06:39,917 --> 00:06:42,408
Man, I gotta make
more calls, little man! Hey!
110
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:46,115
I gotta have those big, bouncy,
breast-es-es! I want those breast-es-es!
111
00:06:46,190 --> 00:06:48,454
AT&T Frequent Caller Plan.
112
00:06:48,526 --> 00:06:51,324
Now you can be obsessed
by the one you love...
113
00:06:51,395 --> 00:06:54,364
not by your phone bill!
114
00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:58,127
But I tell you what.
But I tell you what.
115
00:06:58,202 --> 00:07:03,697
I got somethin' to show you. If you think
this is hot, wait till you get a load of me.
116
00:07:03,774 --> 00:07:06,368
I hope you got enough fuel
for my bikini wax later on...
117
00:07:06,444 --> 00:07:09,004
'cause I tell you what, we gonna weld
each other together.
118
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,208
Wax! Flame on!
I'll rock yo' world.
119
00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:17,113
♪♪ [Man Singing Soul]
120
00:08:06,804 --> 00:08:08,795
♪♪ [Ends]
121
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:18,377
Hello, everyone.
Why don't we all sit down?
122
00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:24,385
Uh, first of all,
welcome to group therapy.
123
00:08:24,455 --> 00:08:28,721
Now, some of you, I have had
as individual patients...
124
00:08:28,793 --> 00:08:30,727
but I really felt that, um...
125
00:08:30,795 --> 00:08:33,889
we'll be able to progress
a little faster as a group...
126
00:08:33,964 --> 00:08:36,455
provided we create
an atmosphere of trust...
127
00:08:36,534 --> 00:08:40,197
sensitivity,
and honest communication.
128
00:08:40,271 --> 00:08:42,569
So, who'd like to start off first?
129
00:08:44,074 --> 00:08:49,444
- Frank?
- Um, this is kind of hard for me.
130
00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:51,981
It's okay, Frank,
you're among friends.
131
00:08:53,217 --> 00:08:57,916
Well, doctor, uh, yeah...
I think I might be gay.
132
00:08:57,988 --> 00:09:01,048
[Laughing]
133
00:09:05,062 --> 00:09:09,465
You...
think you might be?
134
00:09:12,069 --> 00:09:15,732
That's a understatement, that's
the understatement of the year!
135
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:19,640
You think you might be gay?
[Laughs]
136
00:09:19,710 --> 00:09:22,144
No, no, don't be ridiculous,
Frank, I guess...
137
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,613
a lot of straight men like to wake up
staring at another man's...
138
00:09:24,682 --> 00:09:27,310
pimply, sagging buttocks
right in their face.
139
00:09:27,384 --> 00:09:30,080
Well, Doctor, I don't
appreciate your sarcasm.
140
00:09:30,154 --> 00:09:33,055
Okay, well, here's a quick pop quiz.
Who won the Super Bowl last year?
141
00:09:33,123 --> 00:09:34,590
- What's a Super Bowl?
- Mm-hmm.
142
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:36,626
- How manyJudy Garland records do you have?
- Twenty-seven!
143
00:09:36,694 --> 00:09:38,821
Bingo! Get out of my face, you sissy!
144
00:09:40,631 --> 00:09:42,496
Doctor, that was wrong,
what you said to Frank.
145
00:09:42,566 --> 00:09:45,933
Oh, I'm sorry Marianne,
I was just confronting him...
146
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:49,234
so that he could realize
how gay he really is.
147
00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:51,399
Listen. Anyway, while we're
talking about it, come on up.
148
00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:54,171
I want to do a little anger exercise with you,
since you're obviously very angry.
149
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,179
- But I'm not angry.
- Yes, you are.
150
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:59,011
Now, I want you to hit this pillow
and say, "I am angry."
151
00:09:59,083 --> 00:10:01,449
- I am angry.
- See, does that feet better?
152
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,544
No, because I wasn't angry.
153
00:10:04,622 --> 00:10:06,556
- [Karate Yell]
- [Grunting]
154
00:10:06,624 --> 00:10:09,422
- [Coughing]
- Oh, come on, don't tell me...
155
00:10:09,493 --> 00:10:12,087
that your pimp daddy never
hit you upside your head...
156
00:10:12,162 --> 00:10:14,096
when you were selling
your body for crack!
157
00:10:14,164 --> 00:10:16,632
[Gasps] l-I thought I told you
that in confidence!
158
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:20,534
Well, you thought wrong.
159
00:10:20,604 --> 00:10:23,596
You know what?
You people are so selfish.
160
00:10:23,674 --> 00:10:27,337
"I thought I told you that in confidence!"
"Yeah, I think I might be gay."
161
00:10:27,411 --> 00:10:29,709
[Imitates People Complaining]
162
00:10:29,780 --> 00:10:34,877
You're always complaining when
there are people here in legitimate pain.
163
00:10:34,952 --> 00:10:40,481
Like Paula, for instance.
Paula suffered a loss. Paula?
164
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:44,015
Umm, my husband was
in a car accident...
165
00:10:46,163 --> 00:10:49,690
and I'm still feeling a lot
of pain over what happened.
166
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:52,201
And, well, who
would not feel pain...
167
00:10:52,269 --> 00:10:55,534
after they watched
their very own husband...
168
00:10:55,606 --> 00:11:00,600
get smashed by a runaway truck
going 90 miles an hour.
169
00:11:00,678 --> 00:11:02,543
And I saw it happen.
170
00:11:02,613 --> 00:11:05,707
It was right outside this office.
I mean, he really went flying.
171
00:11:05,783 --> 00:11:08,183
- Bang!
- [Screams]
172
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:11,517
[Crying]
173
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,579
How can you say that?
[Sobbing]
174
00:11:13,657 --> 00:11:16,490
Paula, I'm just trying to tell you...
175
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:20,257
that denial is the worst state to be in.
176
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:24,358
You've got to realize how dead
your husband really is.
177
00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:26,960
Boy, and I mean... [Chuckles]
The look on Paula's face...
178
00:11:27,037 --> 00:11:30,768
it's one of those times you wish
you had a camera, but you just don't.
179
00:11:30,841 --> 00:11:34,800
- You know what I mean? "Oh my God!"
- [Screams]
180
00:11:34,878 --> 00:11:39,611
I mean, that grille just crinkled him like
a cottage fry! [Imitating Car Crash]
181
00:11:39,683 --> 00:11:44,552
- [Shrieking]
- That boy looked like a strawberry sundae.
182
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:48,148
- Oh, get off me, you sissy!
- Here. Here hit my pillow. You'll feel better.
183
00:11:48,225 --> 00:11:50,159
[Indistinct]
184
00:11:50,227 --> 00:11:54,687
Oh, Paula will just be all right.
185
00:11:54,765 --> 00:11:58,496
She's probably at
"that time" or something.
186
00:11:58,569 --> 00:12:03,438
Well, I think that there was a lot of
honesty and sharing here tonight.
187
00:12:03,507 --> 00:12:06,635
Uh, next week, I really
want us to all focus...
188
00:12:06,710 --> 00:12:11,238
on those with the secret shame of
necrophilia... and that means you, Phil.
189
00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:13,306
I'll see you next time.
190
00:12:17,721 --> 00:12:21,088
♪♪ [Hip-Hop]
191
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:24,457
♪♪ [Men Singing]
192
00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:50,580
♪♪ [Ends]
193
00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:59,346
[Announcer]This... is... The Dirty Dozens!
194
00:12:59,422 --> 00:13:02,186
Now entering our studio,our returning champion...
195
00:13:02,258 --> 00:13:05,921
a bicycle messenger from UptownNew York, T-Dog Jenkins.!
196
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:10,955
A night prison guard from Huntsville,Texas, Sonya Winslow.!
197
00:13:11,034 --> 00:13:15,528
And a rocket scientist from Carson City,Nevada, Leonard Dinkins.!
198
00:13:15,605 --> 00:13:19,564
And now the host of
Dirty Dozens, Stu Dunfey.!
199
00:13:19,642 --> 00:13:23,237
Thank you so much. Hello,
and welcome to The Dirty Dozens...
200
00:13:23,312 --> 00:13:25,610
where talkin' trash
can get you cash...
201
00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:30,846
and you'll take home the bank
if your mama is stank.
202
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,013
All righty, let's look
at our categories tonight.
203
00:13:33,089 --> 00:13:38,391
"Mama's so hairy,""Mama's so old"...
204
00:13:38,461 --> 00:13:40,986
"Mama's teeth so yellow"...
205
00:13:41,064 --> 00:13:43,225
and "Starts with 'F."'
206
00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:46,063
T-Dog, you're our champion.
Start us off.
207
00:13:46,135 --> 00:13:49,662
Thank you, Stu. I will take
"Yo' mama so hairy" for 100.
208
00:13:49,739 --> 00:13:52,867
[Stu]"Your mama's so hairy..."
209
00:13:52,942 --> 00:13:57,345
Yo' mama's so hairy, her armpits look
like she got Don King in a headlock!
210
00:13:57,413 --> 00:13:59,438
- [Bell Dinging]- [Stu] Yes.!
211
00:13:59,515 --> 00:14:05,283
On the board for 100. And now, let's reveal
the first play of today's "Mystery Dis."
212
00:14:05,354 --> 00:14:07,686
- [Chimes]- Care to venture a guess, Sonya?
213
00:14:07,757 --> 00:14:12,285
From that little piece of nothing? What do
I look like? Dionne Warwick's psychic friend?
214
00:14:12,361 --> 00:14:17,298
- [Laughs]
- Looks like Sonya's insane in the membrane.
215
00:14:18,968 --> 00:14:22,369
Let me remind you, I'm merely the host
of the show. Now pick a category.
216
00:14:22,438 --> 00:14:26,340
All right, um, let's stick
with "Mama so hairy," Stu.
217
00:14:26,409 --> 00:14:29,276
- Your mama's so hairy...
- [Hitting Button]
218
00:14:29,345 --> 00:14:31,973
Yo' mama so hairy,
Bigfoot take pictures of her.!
219
00:14:32,048 --> 00:14:34,346
[Bell Dings]
220
00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:38,877
Yes! An extremely
hairy mama indeed!
221
00:14:38,955 --> 00:14:40,684
T-Dog, you have
control of the board.
222
00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:44,886
Let us try "Starts with 'F"'
for 100, Stuness.
223
00:14:44,961 --> 00:14:47,953
First time in that category.What'll it be?
224
00:14:48,030 --> 00:14:50,897
Ooh.
"Your mama's so fat..."
225
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:52,832
- [Beeps]
- Yo' mama so fat...
226
00:14:52,902 --> 00:14:55,132
she bungee-jumped
and went straight to hell.
227
00:14:55,204 --> 00:14:57,195
[Bell Dings]
228
00:14:57,273 --> 00:15:01,607
Correct!
You retain control.
229
00:15:03,179 --> 00:15:07,013
I will take " Things that start
with 'F "' for 200, Stu.
230
00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:11,247
- [Bell Chiming, Siren Blaring]- [Stu] Oh.! You've happenedupon our Daily Dozen.
231
00:15:14,023 --> 00:15:16,924
No need to be afraid, T-Dog.
How much do you want to wager?
232
00:15:16,993 --> 00:15:21,191
Oh, oh, straight ta-rum,
er, uh, tara, ah-rum, ah...
233
00:15:21,264 --> 00:15:23,357
I'll wager 300, Stu.
234
00:15:23,432 --> 00:15:28,028
All right, for 300 and the lead,
the "Starts with 'F"' category is...
235
00:15:28,104 --> 00:15:31,835
"Your mama's so funky..."
So funky. Think about it.
236
00:15:31,908 --> 00:15:34,741
[Clock Ticking]
237
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:37,745
Need an answer.!
238
00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:40,941
Uh, yo' mama's drawers
is so funky...
239
00:15:41,017 --> 00:15:43,178
the roaches check in
but they don't check out!
240
00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:48,918
- [Bell Dings]
- "F" to the "U" to the "N," to
the "K" to the "Y," funky.
241
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:52,927
- Three hundred points!
- I think I will take "Yo' mama's so old" for 100.
242
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,828
Yo'mama so old...Leonard?
243
00:15:55,898 --> 00:15:59,095
Your mama's so old, her first
computer was a Univac 200...
244
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:03,434
with a 16K RAM and a magnetic
tape data storage system.
245
00:16:04,907 --> 00:16:07,501
- Judges?
- [Buzzing]
246
00:16:07,577 --> 00:16:09,704
Oh, no. We can't accept that.
247
00:16:09,779 --> 00:16:12,111
Come on! The Univac's
a virtual dinosaur!
248
00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:17,676
- Anyone else?
- Yo' mama so old, she's in Jesus' yearbook!
249
00:16:17,753 --> 00:16:22,918
- [Bell Dings]
- Not a young mama. Sonya, where to?
250
00:16:22,992 --> 00:16:26,325
Um, "Teeth So Yellow" for 200.
251
00:16:26,395 --> 00:16:29,956
- Your mama's teeth so yellow...
- Your mama's teeth so yellow...
252
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:33,365
- when she yawns, traffic just slows down.
- [Bell Dings]
253
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:40,603
Let's see, Stu. I think I will
take "Teeth so yellow" for 300.
254
00:16:40,676 --> 00:16:43,577
"Yo'mama's teeth so yellow..."Leonard?
255
00:16:43,646 --> 00:16:46,410
Your mama's teeth so yellow,
when she expectorates...
256
00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:51,510
the discharge resembles the coagulated
mammarian fats of a domesticated bovine.
257
00:16:51,587 --> 00:16:55,148
- Judges?
- [Buzzing]
258
00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:58,057
I'm sorry, Leonard, but we just don't
understand what you're saying.
259
00:16:58,127 --> 00:17:02,063
Come on.! The bitch's teethare so yellow, she spits butter.!
260
00:17:02,131 --> 00:17:04,099
- [Bell Chiming]- All right.!
261
00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:08,125
- Leonard in the house with 300!
- [Bell Ringing]
262
00:17:08,204 --> 00:17:12,038
Oh, and that signalsthe end of Regular Dozens...
263
00:17:12,108 --> 00:17:13,837
so at this point,
we'll clear the board...
264
00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:16,503
and take a look at
tonight's Mystery Dis.
265
00:17:17,647 --> 00:17:20,081
For 500 points and the game...
266
00:17:21,951 --> 00:17:26,684
Yo' mama so ugly, she had to get her baby
drunk just so she could breast-feed it.
267
00:17:26,756 --> 00:17:29,850
- [Bell Dinging]- Yes.! And T-Dog...
268
00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:32,860
with 1,300 points,
remains champion!
269
00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:34,987
- [Audience Cheering]- All right, T-Dog.
270
00:17:37,066 --> 00:17:39,626
Oh, nicely played.
You're today's winner.
271
00:17:39,702 --> 00:17:44,139
And that means you'll be dissing
in the bonus round for a new car!
272
00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:47,505
[Stu]
Ah-ha-ha-ho! Oh, ho-ho!
273
00:17:47,576 --> 00:17:50,636
Here's what you do
to take it home.
274
00:17:50,713 --> 00:17:54,012
- The driver of the car is Montez.
- Yo, what's up, Stu?
275
00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:56,984
You have one minute to dis
Montez so viciously...
276
00:17:57,053 --> 00:17:59,146
that he gets out of the car
to teach your butt a lesson.
277
00:17:59,221 --> 00:18:01,519
If you do that, the car is yours.
Otherwise, Montez...
278
00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:03,717
you get to keep the car!
279
00:18:03,793 --> 00:18:06,990
One minute on the clock.
And... start dissin'!
280
00:18:07,063 --> 00:18:11,932
Yeah, what's up, your mama's
so black, she bleeds smoke.
281
00:18:12,001 --> 00:18:15,732
Nice try, man. But Damian "Football"
Williams couldn't get me to "unass" this car.
282
00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:19,571
Yeah, well your mama's house so dusty,
the roaches ride around on dune buggies.
283
00:18:19,642 --> 00:18:22,873
[Yawning]
Man, why don't you just give up, man?
284
00:18:22,945 --> 00:18:26,108
Yo, yo' mama so fat,
her blood type is Ragu.
285
00:18:26,182 --> 00:18:28,241
Weak.
286
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:32,583
Yo, yo' mama so ugly, she gotta
trick-or-treat over the phone.
287
00:18:32,655 --> 00:18:35,522
It's tired, man. That
don't even bother me, man.
288
00:18:35,591 --> 00:18:39,789
Yeah, yeah, yo' mama so short, you can
see her feet on her driver's license!
289
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,097
- Look man, why don't you raise up?
- Yeah, yeah.
290
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:47,261
Yeah, like I say, yo' mama like
the Pillsbury Doughboy. Everybody poke her.
291
00:18:47,336 --> 00:18:49,429
I'm gonna bust your a...
One more time.
292
00:18:49,505 --> 00:18:51,473
Like I said, yeah.
Yo' mama so stanky...
293
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:54,805
Yo' mama so stanky, she gets
sourdough yeast infections!
294
00:18:54,877 --> 00:18:57,311
- Now, who told you? I'm gonna kill you!
- [Stu] Ho, ho.!
295
00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:01,111
- [Bell Ringing]
- He did it! T-Dog wins the car!
296
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,310
And that's all the time
we have tonight.
297
00:19:03,386 --> 00:19:07,049
Join us next time when we'll be dissin'
for dollars on The Dirty Dozens.
298
00:19:07,123 --> 00:19:10,786
I'm Audi 5000. Peace!
299
00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:15,729
[Announcer] The Dirty Dozens has beenbrought to you by Yo Mama's Cakes.
300
00:19:15,798 --> 00:19:19,666
Everybody doesn't like something,but nobody likes Yo Mama!
301
00:19:22,271 --> 00:19:25,707
Ready or not, baby, here I come.
Just call me The Terminator.
302
00:19:25,775 --> 00:19:27,709
You can't keep your
love nest away from me.
303
00:19:27,777 --> 00:19:30,712
I don't know what you was thinkin',
'cause I tell you what:
304
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:34,238
When I bust in, I want you to be butt-naked
and I want you to be standin' at attention.
305
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:37,712
- [Banging]
- [Grunting]
306
00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:43,691
Okay, okay, all right.
This is a little tough.
307
00:19:43,759 --> 00:19:45,750
And you lucky I'm
a strong, lovely woman.
308
00:19:45,828 --> 00:19:49,389
'Cause the average woman would just
give up. But I can't give up on my love!
309
00:19:49,465 --> 00:19:52,866
You gotta take care of these children.
I'm comin' in!
310
00:19:52,935 --> 00:19:55,096
- [Banging]
- [Grunting]
311
00:19:56,172 --> 00:19:58,834
[Howling]
312
00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:00,967
Yeah, let's get it up
right now! What's up?
313
00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:03,068
We got a lot of people to talk about
comin' from the underground...
314
00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:05,978
well, now we got "Lords of the Underground"
with Chief Rocka...
315
00:20:06,048 --> 00:20:08,380
and here come the Lords...
give it up and let it get up!
28396
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