All language subtitles for In Living Color - 5x07 - Ugly Woman - XviD.mp3

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,185 --> 00:00:04,643 [Baby Fussing] 2 00:00:04,722 --> 00:00:07,919 [Audience Cheering] 3 00:00:16,501 --> 00:00:18,731 - [Cheering Continues] - Oh, hi. 4 00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:24,605 - Okay, okay! - [Cheering Stops] 5 00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:26,871 Hey, little Wanda. I'll change you in a minute. 6 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:28,969 First I gotta get over here and get my breast pump. 7 00:00:30,682 --> 00:00:34,675 Woo-hoo! This is the favorite part of the day. 8 00:00:34,752 --> 00:00:38,347 My favorite part of the day. This is like "nipo-suction." 9 00:00:40,525 --> 00:00:45,087 - [Baby Crying] - Oh. Oh, hush. Ooh. 10 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,428 Don't cry. Uh-uh. No, no. 11 00:00:48,499 --> 00:00:50,899 You need to get changed. I know what's wrong. 12 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,902 Don't worry about it. I'll change you. 13 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:56,201 Just hold on a minute. Just give me a second. 14 00:00:56,274 --> 00:00:58,606 Okay. Oh-oh! 15 00:00:58,676 --> 00:01:01,873 I guess I shouldn't have gave you all that Raspberry Snapple. 16 00:01:03,614 --> 00:01:06,174 Ooh. Okay. Shh. Ooh. 17 00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:09,617 You so cute. How you get so pretty? 18 00:01:09,687 --> 00:01:12,019 You look just like your mama. 19 00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:15,253 - [Crying] - Oh, okay. Uh-huh. No cryin' now. 20 00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:18,625 ♪♪ [Singing] 21 00:01:31,976 --> 00:01:37,039 - [Screaming] - Hey. For real. Oh. Oh. Okay. Oh-oh. 22 00:01:37,115 --> 00:01:40,346 - Oh. You must have a gas bubble or some... - [Belches] 23 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:47,783 Ooh, it smell like that hog head cheese I had earlier this morning. 24 00:01:47,859 --> 00:01:50,054 Okay, I'm gonna lay you down now... 25 00:01:50,128 --> 00:01:53,620 'cause mama gotta write in her diary and stuff, okay? 26 00:01:53,698 --> 00:01:56,997 So hush and be quiet. Stay tight. 27 00:01:57,068 --> 00:02:00,196 Don't let the bedbugs get all up in your stuff, okay? 28 00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:03,139 All right. Ooh. 29 00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:12,513 "Dear... Dear Diary... 30 00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:18,021 "I am still lookin' for Wanda's man. I have some type of clue. 31 00:02:18,089 --> 00:02:21,388 "I know he light 'skinned-ed.' I know he got green eyes... 32 00:02:21,459 --> 00:02:24,053 "and he used to pop-lock and stuff... 33 00:02:24,128 --> 00:02:26,358 "and he drove a Camaro. 34 00:02:26,431 --> 00:02:29,525 "But I'm still kinda shady on what he actually looks like. 35 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,831 "I went to the police station... 36 00:02:32,904 --> 00:02:34,838 "I went... 37 00:02:36,107 --> 00:02:38,632 "and I said, 'I'm lookin' for my man.' 38 00:02:38,709 --> 00:02:42,839 They said, 'W ell, do you want us to subpoena..."' 39 00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:45,781 Sup... S... 40 00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:49,149 "'Do you want us to find him? ' 41 00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:54,283 "And I said, 'Y es, I do, because that's the way I got like this in the first place.' 42 00:02:54,358 --> 00:03:00,092 So anyway, dear diary, I'll just keep on with my search." 43 00:03:00,164 --> 00:03:02,064 Good night, little Wanda. 44 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:04,260 [Baby Belches] 45 00:03:08,005 --> 00:03:11,441 - [Laughing] - ♪ In living color♪ 46 00:03:11,509 --> 00:03:15,206 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 47 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,213 ♪ In living color♪ 48 00:03:18,783 --> 00:03:23,447 - ♪ In living color♪ - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 49 00:03:23,521 --> 00:03:25,682 ♪ In living color♪ 50 00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:28,691 ♪ In living color♪ 51 00:03:28,759 --> 00:03:30,693 ♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪ 52 00:03:30,761 --> 00:03:32,752 ♪ You see, it's never too late and it's never too soon ♪ 53 00:03:32,830 --> 00:03:34,695 - ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪ - Hi-yah! 54 00:03:34,765 --> 00:03:36,198 ♪ In living color♪ 55 00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:38,861 ♪ And how would ya... How would ya... How would ya f... ♪ 56 00:03:38,936 --> 00:03:40,870 ♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪ 57 00:03:40,938 --> 00:03:43,099 ♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪ 58 00:03:43,174 --> 00:03:46,632 [Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪ 59 00:03:46,711 --> 00:03:50,169 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 60 00:03:50,248 --> 00:03:52,307 ♪ In living color♪ 61 00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:54,874 ♪ In living color♪ 62 00:03:54,952 --> 00:03:58,479 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 63 00:03:58,556 --> 00:04:02,822 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 64 00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:07,593 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 65 00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:11,601 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 66 00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:13,603 - [Turntable Scratching] - ♪ In living color♪♪ 67 00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:16,105 [Laughing] 68 00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:25,071 [Male Announcer] Coming this fall to Fox, the all new Circus of the Black Stars. 69 00:04:25,149 --> 00:04:28,277 You'll see daring acrobats Garrett Morris and Nell Carter. 70 00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,320 Hold still. I'm gettin' ready to jump. 71 00:04:30,388 --> 00:04:32,720 At least let me put a parachute on. 72 00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:34,724 Shut up.! We gonna do this on three. 73 00:04:34,792 --> 00:04:37,386 Three! 74 00:04:37,461 --> 00:04:39,895 I'm comin', Jesus! 75 00:04:39,964 --> 00:04:43,559 [Announcer] You'll see Sinbad the lion tamer. 76 00:04:43,634 --> 00:04:46,467 Man, look at that lion! 77 00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,903 - Man, that's a big old lion, man. - [Whip Cracks] 78 00:04:48,973 --> 00:04:51,533 Lion be sittin' there lookin' at me, talkin' 'bout... [Snarling] 79 00:04:51,609 --> 00:04:53,543 "Hey, Sinbad. I ain't lyin'." 80 00:04:53,611 --> 00:04:57,411 And I'm not! Man, the last time I saw a lion was at the zoo. 81 00:04:57,481 --> 00:04:59,415 - [Growling] - [Whip Cracks] 82 00:04:59,483 --> 00:05:01,417 Get back. I mean it, man. 83 00:05:01,485 --> 00:05:04,079 [Announcer] You'll thrill and gasp as you watch the stars... 84 00:05:04,155 --> 00:05:07,181 perform the ancient art ofknife throwing. 85 00:05:07,258 --> 00:05:10,853 Hi, I'm Shari Belafonte. You people there would be less of a target... 86 00:05:10,928 --> 00:05:12,862 if you got hooked on Slim-Fast like me. 87 00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:16,764 Look at me. Dig this. I've got a good figure, a famous father... 88 00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:18,768 How come I'm not working more? 89 00:05:18,836 --> 00:05:21,464 You have to talk a little louder, Shari. 90 00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:23,700 I have to throw the knives at your voice. 91 00:05:23,774 --> 00:05:28,108 [Announcer] And thrill as Jackée is turned into a human cannonball. 92 00:05:28,179 --> 00:05:31,376 Ooh! I hope this don't mess up my nails. 93 00:05:31,449 --> 00:05:33,383 Hey, tall, dark and handsome. 94 00:05:33,451 --> 00:05:36,443 Why don't you point this here cannon in the direction of your apartment... 95 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,489 and I can meet you there after the show? Ooh! 96 00:05:39,557 --> 00:05:41,491 [Screaming, Grunts] 97 00:05:41,559 --> 00:05:45,723 Ooh, look. It's rainin' men. Ooh! [Giggles] 98 00:05:45,796 --> 00:05:50,961 [Announcer] So don't miss the Circus of the Black Stars. 99 00:05:51,035 --> 00:05:53,526 - [Jackée Screaming] - Coming from Fox. 100 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:59,140 ♪♪ [Funk] 101 00:06:31,776 --> 00:06:33,710 ♪♪ [Ends] 102 00:06:36,447 --> 00:06:38,608 - Miss. Miss. - Miss. 103 00:06:38,683 --> 00:06:42,084 How did you feel when you won the fantasy date with Magnifico himself? 104 00:06:42,153 --> 00:06:46,522 Oh, I just couldn't believe it. I mean, he's so gorgeous. [Giggles] 105 00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:49,525 He certainly is. [Makes Sizzling Sound] 106 00:06:49,593 --> 00:06:53,051 Now why don't we show Julie to her table, huh? 107 00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:55,928 - Okay. - Julie! 108 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,401 Oh. What the hell is keeping him? 109 00:06:59,470 --> 00:07:03,270 Well, ever since Cosmo named him the sexiest man, he's been absolutely impossible. 110 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,241 You know, I haven't even laid eyes on him since he left for Europe. 111 00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:08,972 - That was six months ago. Yeah. - [Motorcycle Approaching] 112 00:07:09,046 --> 00:07:12,709 - [Motorcycle Engine Stops] - Ah-ha.! I am here.! 113 00:07:18,255 --> 00:07:21,452 - Yeah. Linda! - [Groans] 114 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:25,655 So fantastic it is to feast my looks upon your sexual appearance. 115 00:07:29,934 --> 00:07:34,064 - Magnifico has arrived. - My God. What the hell have you done to yourself? 116 00:07:34,138 --> 00:07:36,504 Nothing, thank you. And yourself? 117 00:07:36,574 --> 00:07:38,633 Aha! My press. They hunger for me. Out of the way! 118 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,643 [Chattering] 119 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,645 - Yo, man. Excuse me. - I got it. I got it. 120 00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:44,908 Magnifico. Would you care to comment on your new look? 121 00:07:44,982 --> 00:07:47,348 [Cackles] What do you mean? What do you speak of, this new look? 122 00:07:47,418 --> 00:07:49,386 Okay. Well, some people might say... 123 00:07:49,453 --> 00:07:52,115 that you really, really, really... Damn! Really let yourself go. 124 00:07:52,189 --> 00:07:54,851 Ha-ha! Well, I may have put on a pound or two. So what? 125 00:07:54,925 --> 00:07:59,328 It is no matter. The camera loves me. I am... Magnifico. 126 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:03,958 Is it true that you've been linked with recent cattle disappearances in Oklahoma? 127 00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:06,832 Well, I, uh... I forget, but it is no matter. 128 00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:11,466 I am sexiest, most beloved man in world! I am... Magnifico. 129 00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:15,706 Now, where is she, the luckiest lady in the world? 130 00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:18,806 Aha! Here she is. Take a walk, goofy. 131 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:24,444 My little furry one, are you ready to ride the wild wind... 132 00:08:24,522 --> 00:08:27,889 on the back of a pony named "love," huh? 133 00:08:27,958 --> 00:08:29,687 Who are you? 134 00:08:32,229 --> 00:08:37,360 You, uh... You are intimidated by my stunning good looks, yes? 135 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,766 Do not be ashamed by your plainness. 136 00:08:39,837 --> 00:08:45,503 To Magnifico, it is, uh, a woman's insides who are most beautiful. 137 00:08:45,576 --> 00:08:47,635 - [Belches] - [Coughing] 138 00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:52,378 Now, who do I have to make long, passionate love to... 139 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,417 to get a beer around here, huh? 140 00:08:54,485 --> 00:08:58,615 - Magnifico, first we need to take some publicity shots. - All right. Okay. 141 00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:00,623 - Come on. Get up! - [Screams] No! 142 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:06,056 Yes. I will, uh... I will now strip downwards... 143 00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,189 to my flimsy, velvet jockstrap underwears. 144 00:09:08,265 --> 00:09:10,756 - Prepare to be tantalized. - [Screams] No! 145 00:09:10,835 --> 00:09:14,999 - No, no, no. That won't be necessary. - All right. 146 00:09:15,072 --> 00:09:17,563 Now is... Is there any way to make him look good? 147 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:20,371 - Um... No. - Oh. Okay. 148 00:09:20,444 --> 00:09:24,437 My dear, refresh my brain. What was your Magnifico fantasy date? 149 00:09:24,515 --> 00:09:27,109 Oh, just to meet you and then quickly leave. 150 00:09:27,184 --> 00:09:29,744 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was so much more. Now I am remembering. 151 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,947 You wanted me to lower myself down upon your lips... 152 00:09:32,022 --> 00:09:33,956 - slowly but surely grinding myself... - No! No! 153 00:09:34,024 --> 00:09:36,424 [Screaming] 154 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:39,087 [Screaming Continues] 155 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:48,604 Yes, yes. This is a night they will never be forgetting. Ha-ha! 156 00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:53,336 - Because the camera loves me. I am... Magnifico! - [Camera Shutter Clicks] 157 00:09:53,410 --> 00:09:55,605 Ladies and gentlemen... Uh, ladies and gentlemen... 158 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:59,012 as you all know, Magnifico's new CD, Hungry For You... 159 00:09:59,083 --> 00:10:01,017 hit record stores this week. 160 00:10:01,085 --> 00:10:03,019 Yes, and tonight, he's going to be singing... 161 00:10:03,087 --> 00:10:06,716 his new hit single, "The Way I Look Tonight." 162 00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,951 Magnifico! 163 00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:12,154 - ♪♪ [Slow Rock] - Thank you, Linda. You're so beautiful. 164 00:10:13,464 --> 00:10:17,400 ♪♪ [Singing] 165 00:10:17,468 --> 00:10:19,459 I, uh... I, uh... 166 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:22,266 ♪♪ [Continues] 167 00:10:44,094 --> 00:10:46,289 Oh, excuse me. I've to get this... 168 00:10:46,363 --> 00:10:48,422 ♪♪ [Continues] 169 00:11:00,644 --> 00:11:03,078 Come back here. I love you. You can't go. 170 00:11:03,147 --> 00:11:05,980 - I will crush you. No, come here. - Magnifico. Come back here! 171 00:11:06,050 --> 00:11:09,247 [Shouting, Indistinct] 172 00:11:11,789 --> 00:11:14,189 - [Turntable Scratching] - ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 173 00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:25,533 - [Man Speaking] - ♪♪ [Woman Singing] 174 00:11:30,841 --> 00:11:32,832 - [Turntable Scratching] - ♪♪ [Continues] 175 00:11:44,221 --> 00:11:46,155 ♪♪ [Ends] 176 00:11:49,159 --> 00:11:52,822 Thank you. Thank you. And now for my next trick. 177 00:11:52,896 --> 00:11:55,126 I will close the curtain on this chamber... 178 00:11:55,199 --> 00:11:59,636 and when I open it again, my lovely assistant, Rhonda, will have disappeared. 179 00:12:00,671 --> 00:12:02,832 [Drumroll] 180 00:12:06,076 --> 00:12:08,340 [Drum Fill, Cymbal Crash] 181 00:12:08,412 --> 00:12:12,212 - Hi howdy, folks. - Who are you? 182 00:12:12,282 --> 00:12:14,546 I'm Fire Marshal Bill Burns... 183 00:12:14,618 --> 00:12:17,917 and this magic show, while entertaining to young and old alike... 184 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:21,355 could be a hazard to life and limb! 185 00:12:21,425 --> 00:12:24,917 Some broad nearly knocked me down goin' through that secret passageway. 186 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:30,956 Sir, I assure you. What I perform is magic. It is completely safe. 187 00:12:31,035 --> 00:12:35,768 That's what they said about the World Trade Center, son. But me and my friend Abdul... 188 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:38,672 and a couple of pounds of plastique explosive showed 'em different. 189 00:12:38,742 --> 00:12:42,075 [Cackles] 190 00:12:42,146 --> 00:12:44,137 Let me show you something. 191 00:12:44,214 --> 00:12:48,241 Say you're about to wow the audience with a little sleight of hand. 192 00:12:48,318 --> 00:12:51,310 - [Drumroll] - You go to tap your wrist with the magic wand... 193 00:12:51,388 --> 00:12:55,654 when somebody yells out, " Look! Siegfried and Roy just made a salami disappear." 194 00:12:55,726 --> 00:12:59,457 In all the excitement, you pick up your magic machete instead. 195 00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:03,364 And before you know it... presto hacko. 196 00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,425 [Blade Hits Flesh] 197 00:13:05,502 --> 00:13:09,461 [Drumroll, Cymbal Crash] 198 00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:13,203 You're changin' your name to David Chopperfield. 199 00:13:13,277 --> 00:13:17,646 Look, folks. Nothin' up my sleeve. [Cackles] 200 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:23,346 Isn't that a wonderful trick, folks? Huh? Thank you for stopping by, sir. 201 00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:25,388 Now, if I may direct your attention... 202 00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:28,448 ladies and gentlemen, to the lovely birdcage. 203 00:13:28,525 --> 00:13:31,619 Hold it right there, MagicJohnson! 204 00:13:31,695 --> 00:13:35,859 That little aviary is an accident waitin' to happen. 205 00:13:35,933 --> 00:13:39,528 Say you go to cover these birds with one of your mystical snot rags. 206 00:13:39,603 --> 00:13:44,540 What you don't know is, Pyro, the mentally deficient fire-eater... 207 00:13:44,608 --> 00:13:47,168 has switched it with a gasoline soaked rag. 208 00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:49,178 Like so. 209 00:13:52,349 --> 00:13:54,783 Meanwhile, you're so confident... 210 00:13:54,852 --> 00:14:00,484 and so surefire cocky about your little disappearing bird trick... 211 00:14:00,557 --> 00:14:05,221 that you decide to brush up on your arc welding at the same time. 212 00:14:06,697 --> 00:14:11,066 That's what it's all about! [Cackles] 213 00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:14,730 Oh! My birds! My birds! Put that out! 214 00:14:14,805 --> 00:14:19,174 It's so... beautiful! 215 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,182 You don't understand! 216 00:14:28,252 --> 00:14:31,312 This is magic. It's not dangerous. 217 00:14:31,388 --> 00:14:34,221 The hand is quicker than the eye. 218 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:37,283 Well, I'd like to test that theory. 219 00:14:40,397 --> 00:14:46,267 - [Screaming, Cackling] - [Pops] 220 00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:55,111 Looks like a photo finish to me. 221 00:14:55,179 --> 00:15:00,173 Sir, sir, get off this stage. You're ruining the whole show! 222 00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:04,846 Son, not so fast. You don't wanna miss my grand finale. 223 00:15:04,922 --> 00:15:10,019 I brought a little illusion of my own. ♪♪ [Vocalizing] 224 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:16,663 ♪♪ [Continues] 225 00:15:28,278 --> 00:15:30,610 ♪♪ [Stops] 226 00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:34,344 Oh, Mandrake, would you be so kind as to place the top box... 227 00:15:34,418 --> 00:15:36,613 on the table over there? 228 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,788 [Muttering] 229 00:15:49,266 --> 00:15:53,566 Welcome to the world of illusion! 230 00:15:53,637 --> 00:15:56,401 That's incredible. How did you do that? 231 00:15:56,473 --> 00:15:59,772 Easy. Let me show you something! 232 00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:01,777 [Chain Saw Buzzing] 233 00:16:01,845 --> 00:16:06,077 Oh, my God.! Look out, everybody.! Run.! 234 00:16:06,149 --> 00:16:08,083 - [Cackling] - Get out! 235 00:16:19,429 --> 00:16:22,796 Oh, my God.! He's goin'for the gas main.! 236 00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:26,535 Don't worry, folks. 237 00:16:26,603 --> 00:16:32,269 That's the headless chainsaw-wielding torso of a fire marshal. 238 00:16:39,383 --> 00:16:42,546 - [Siren Wailing] - I'm ruined in the business. 239 00:16:42,619 --> 00:16:45,247 [Sniffles] 240 00:16:45,322 --> 00:16:48,621 I just got a job workin' with Gallagher. 241 00:16:48,692 --> 00:16:50,751 [Cackling] 242 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,447 If you're wondering what's next... 243 00:16:57,522 --> 00:17:00,389 straight from Elektra Records to sing their hot single... 244 00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:02,653 please put your hands together for... 245 00:17:02,727 --> 00:17:04,752 Leaders of the New School! 246 00:17:06,131 --> 00:17:08,065 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 247 00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:10,101 ♪♪ [All Rapping] 248 00:17:26,951 --> 00:17:29,215 ♪♪ [Rapping] 249 00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:28,235 ♪♪ [Rapping] 250 00:18:34,986 --> 00:18:37,147 ♪♪ [Ends] 21127

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