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- [Laughing]- ♪ In living color♪
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00:00:04,689 --> 00:00:08,386
♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
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- ♪ In living color♪- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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00:00:16,701 --> 00:00:18,862
♪ In living color♪
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00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:21,871
♪ In living color♪
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♪ You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon ♪
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♪ You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon ♪
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- ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪
- Hi-yah!
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00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,378
♪ In living color♪
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00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:32,041
♪ And how would ya...How would ya... How would ya f... ♪
12
00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:34,050
♪ How would you feel knowingprejudice was obsolete ♪
13
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♪ And all mankind dancedto the exact beat ♪
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[Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safeto walk down the street ♪
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♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
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♪ In living color♪
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♪ In living color♪
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- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
19
00:00:51,736 --> 00:00:56,002
- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
20
00:00:56,074 --> 00:01:00,773
- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
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- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪- ♪ In living color♪
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- [Turntable Scratching]- ♪ In living color♪♪
23
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[Laughing]
24
00:01:12,557 --> 00:01:16,653
- ♪♪ [Hip Hop]- [Announcer] This is Dirty Dozens.
25
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,662
Now entering our studio...
26
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:21,392
a video store clerkfrom Houston's Fifth Ward...
27
00:01:21,466 --> 00:01:23,400
Amfeny Clark.
28
00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:30,005
A bicycle messengerfrom uptown New York...
29
00:01:30,074 --> 00:01:33,134
- T-Dog Jenkins.
- [Mouthing Words]
30
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,745
And a housewifefrom Clearwater, Florida...
31
00:01:38,816 --> 00:01:40,943
- Katie Corell.
- [Cheering, Muffled]
32
00:01:42,587 --> 00:01:45,112
And now the hostof Dirty Dozens...
33
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:48,716
- Stu Dunfey.!- [Audience Cheering]
34
00:01:48,793 --> 00:01:52,854
Oh, thank you so much.
Hello and welcome to The Dirty Dozens...
35
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:55,490
where talkin' trash
can get you cash.
36
00:01:55,566 --> 00:01:57,659
So, if you listen,
you'll hear some dissin'.
37
00:01:57,735 --> 00:01:59,669
[Laughing]
38
00:01:59,737 --> 00:02:01,864
All righty.
Let's look at our categories.
39
00:02:01,939 --> 00:02:03,873
Your Mama's So Stupid.
40
00:02:05,309 --> 00:02:07,709
Your Mama's So Fat.
41
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,713
Your Mama's So Old.
42
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,715
And Pot luck.
43
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,774
T-Dog, start us off.
44
00:02:13,851 --> 00:02:18,254
I'll take Your Mama's So Stupid,
uh, for a hundred, Stu.
45
00:02:18,322 --> 00:02:20,790
All righty.Your mama's so stupid...
46
00:02:20,858 --> 00:02:24,885
Your mama's so stupid, she jumped
out the window, and the ho went up.
47
00:02:24,962 --> 00:02:28,955
- [Bell Chimes]
- Yes.
48
00:02:29,033 --> 00:02:30,967
T-Dog gets a hundred.
49
00:02:31,035 --> 00:02:34,368
So let's reveal the first piece
of tonight's mystery dis.
50
00:02:35,873 --> 00:02:37,807
Care to take a guess, T-Dog?
51
00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:42,642
Uh, your mama's so fat, uh,
they had to baptize her at Sea World?
52
00:02:42,713 --> 00:02:44,647
- [Buzzer]- [Stu] Hoo, hoo, hoo.
53
00:02:46,384 --> 00:02:48,318
Nice dis, but no.
54
00:02:48,386 --> 00:02:50,616
You still have control
of the board, T-Dog.
55
00:02:50,688 --> 00:02:53,088
I think I will stick with Stupid, Stu.
56
00:02:53,157 --> 00:02:54,852
And Stupid you get.
57
00:02:54,926 --> 00:02:57,656
Your mama's so stupid...
58
00:02:57,728 --> 00:03:01,960
Uh, yeah. Your mama's so stupid,
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
59
00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:03,967
- [Bell Chimes]
- Correct.
60
00:03:04,035 --> 00:03:06,196
Amfeny in the house with 200.
61
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:09,330
- Amfeny, what'll it be?
- Stupid for 300.
62
00:03:09,407 --> 00:03:13,036
Okay. Your mama's so stupid...
63
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:17,547
Your mother's so stupid, she scored
below average on a recent I.Q. Test.
64
00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:19,776
- [Buzzer]
- Ooh.
65
00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:21,876
No. I'm sorry. Anybody?
66
00:03:21,953 --> 00:03:24,319
Yeah. Your mama's so stupid...
67
00:03:24,388 --> 00:03:27,357
she asked for a price check
at the 99-cent store.
68
00:03:27,425 --> 00:03:29,586
- [Bell Chimes]
- Yes.
69
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:31,787
Now, that's one stupid mama.
70
00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:34,731
Amfeny controls the board.
71
00:03:34,799 --> 00:03:37,734
Uh, Stu, I'll take Pot Luck for 100.
72
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:40,464
Wild card category.Let's get the 411.
73
00:03:40,538 --> 00:03:42,597
Your Mama's So Short.
74
00:03:42,673 --> 00:03:45,699
Your mama's so short,
she poses for trophies.
75
00:03:45,776 --> 00:03:48,643
- [Bell Chimes]- [Stu Whoops]
76
00:03:50,014 --> 00:03:53,074
Casting aspersions on your mama.
What's next, T-Dog?
77
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:56,278
I will stick with Pot Luck,
for 200, Stu.
78
00:03:56,354 --> 00:03:58,219
And this one is... OOh.
79
00:03:58,289 --> 00:04:00,655
Your Mama's So Stank.
80
00:04:00,725 --> 00:04:03,853
Your mama's so stank,
she's really unpleasant to be around.
81
00:04:03,928 --> 00:04:06,954
- [Buzzer]
- No. Up for grabs.
82
00:04:07,031 --> 00:04:10,990
Your mama's so ugly, when she sits
in the sand, the cat tries to bury her.
83
00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:13,002
- [Laughing]
- Oh. Judges?
84
00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:15,004
- [Buzzer]
- No.
85
00:04:15,072 --> 00:04:18,473
I'm sorry. We can't accept that.
The category was Mama's So Stank.
86
00:04:18,543 --> 00:04:20,977
Not Mama's So Ugly. Stank.
87
00:04:22,213 --> 00:04:24,238
But you still have control
of the board, Amfeny.
88
00:04:24,315 --> 00:04:26,476
Yeah, uh, let's go to Fat
for a hundred.
89
00:04:26,551 --> 00:04:29,315
Okay. Your mama's so fat...
90
00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:31,355
Your mama's so fat,
she sat on a quarter...
91
00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:34,118
and squeezed a booger
out of George Washington's nose.
92
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,125
[Bell Chimes]
93
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,855
[Audience Cheering]
94
00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:43,433
[Sighs]
95
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:46,368
Whoot. There it is.
96
00:04:48,306 --> 00:04:52,242
I think I will stick
with Your Mama's So Fat, for 200, Stu.
97
00:04:52,310 --> 00:04:54,301
All righty.Your mama's so fat...
98
00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:57,313
Uh, yeah. Your mama's so fat,
when she sits around the house...
99
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:59,315
I mean she really
sits around the house.
100
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:02,682
- [Bell Chimes]
- I'm down with that. Pick again.
101
00:05:02,753 --> 00:05:05,244
Uh, let's go to Pot Luck
for 300.
102
00:05:05,323 --> 00:05:08,952
Last in the category.
Your Mama's So Nasty.
103
00:05:09,026 --> 00:05:12,723
Your mama's so nasty,
the punk bitch...
104
00:05:12,797 --> 00:05:15,664
only changes her stanky,
funky drawers...
105
00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:17,667
every 10,000 miles.
106
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:20,101
[Audience Whooping, Cheering]
107
00:05:21,505 --> 00:05:23,700
Word to your mama.
108
00:05:23,774 --> 00:05:26,242
Looks like Katie's down
with O.P.P.
109
00:05:27,511 --> 00:05:29,672
And it looks like you're
on the board with 300.
110
00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:33,012
- [Bell Ringing]
- Katie... Oh, but look at that. We're out of time.
111
00:05:33,084 --> 00:05:36,611
Hey, we'll have to reveal the missing pieces
and have a look at the mystery dis.
112
00:05:36,687 --> 00:05:38,917
The category is...Mama's So Fat.
113
00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:41,151
- T-Dog.- [Clock Ticking]
114
00:05:41,225 --> 00:05:44,160
Uh. Your mama's buttis so big...
115
00:05:44,228 --> 00:05:46,594
it looks like two pigs
fightin' over a Milk Dud.
116
00:05:46,664 --> 00:05:50,327
- [Bell Chimes]- Correct.! And that gives T-Dog the game.!
117
00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:52,528
So come on over
for the lightning round.
118
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:55,231
Oh!
119
00:05:55,306 --> 00:05:58,298
Nicely done, sir.
Let's meet...
120
00:05:58,376 --> 00:06:00,606
Let's meet... your challenger.
121
00:06:00,678 --> 00:06:02,771
The reigning four-time
Dirty Dozens champion...
122
00:06:02,847 --> 00:06:05,338
and my main man... ScottyJ.!
123
00:06:05,416 --> 00:06:08,146
- ♪♪ [Hip Hop]- [Audience Cheering, Whooping]
124
00:06:10,988 --> 00:06:14,185
Ah, the Terminator in the house.
125
00:06:14,258 --> 00:06:16,726
You both know the rules.
This is the lightning round.
126
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,819
Dozens from any category
are accepted.
127
00:06:18,896 --> 00:06:20,830
The first man to flinch
is eliminated.
128
00:06:20,898 --> 00:06:23,332
All right. On your marks...
and go.
129
00:06:23,401 --> 00:06:26,029
Your mama gums is so black,
she spits Yoo-Hoo.
130
00:06:26,103 --> 00:06:28,037
- [Bell Chimes]
- Ouch.
131
00:06:28,105 --> 00:06:31,438
Your mother's teeth so rotten, when she smile,
it look like she got a mouthful of dice.
132
00:06:31,509 --> 00:06:34,239
- [Bell Chimes]
- Fresh.
133
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,609
Your mother's so old,
when God said, "Let there be light"...
134
00:06:36,681 --> 00:06:38,979
- she hit the switch.
- [Bell Chimes]
135
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,611
T-Dog. Dope.
136
00:06:42,687 --> 00:06:45,850
Like, your mother's so fat,
she eats biscuits like Tic Tacs.
137
00:06:45,923 --> 00:06:48,323
- [Bell Chimes]
- Fresh.
138
00:06:48,392 --> 00:06:50,883
- [Scotty] Come on.
- Your mama so black, the police shot at her...
139
00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:52,895
and the bullets came back
for flashlights.
140
00:06:52,963 --> 00:06:55,761
- [Bell Chimes]- [Mutters]
141
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,664
- What's up?
- Your mother got a mouth in the back of her neck.
142
00:06:57,735 --> 00:07:00,966
- The witch chew like this.
- Back to you.
143
00:07:01,038 --> 00:07:03,472
Your mama got a leg right here, right here,
right here, right there.
144
00:07:03,541 --> 00:07:06,476
- The witch walk like this.
- Proper.
145
00:07:06,544 --> 00:07:08,341
Your mama's so ugly...
Your mama ugly!
146
00:07:08,412 --> 00:07:10,346
Mama so ugly, when a person
come up to her with a cat...
147
00:07:10,414 --> 00:07:12,473
[Imitating Screeching, Hissing]
148
00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:15,246
- And that ain't the cat.
- [Bell Chimes]
149
00:07:15,319 --> 00:07:18,447
- Fresh.
- Come on! Come on! Come on!
150
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,456
Your mama got a ear right here.
She talkin' about...
151
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,891
- I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna hear it.
- [Bell Chimes]
152
00:07:23,961 --> 00:07:26,122
- To you.
- What's up?
153
00:07:26,197 --> 00:07:29,394
- [Buzzer]- ♪♪ [Hip Hop]
154
00:07:31,335 --> 00:07:33,269
- Wow.
- [Shouting]
155
00:07:33,337 --> 00:07:35,396
Folks. Folks.
156
00:07:35,473 --> 00:07:37,407
There you have it.
157
00:07:37,475 --> 00:07:39,466
T-Dog is our champion.
158
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,841
Join us tomorrow for another edition
of The Dirty Dozens.
159
00:07:41,912 --> 00:07:43,846
Good night, everybody.
160
00:07:43,914 --> 00:07:45,973
[Announcer] Some contestantson The Dirty Dozens will receive...
161
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:47,984
Dry Notion antiperspirant...
162
00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:51,112
made for a man,but strong enough for your mama.
163
00:07:51,188 --> 00:07:54,157
- ♪♪ [Hip Hop]- ♪♪ [Man Rapping]
164
00:08:21,685 --> 00:08:24,085
♪♪ [Fades Out]
165
00:08:28,526 --> 00:08:30,460
I hate goin' to the beach...
166
00:08:30,528 --> 00:08:32,962
'cause I'm flatter than
a Michael Bolton high note.
167
00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:36,966
Oh. I used to hate it, too,
before I discovered these.
168
00:08:37,034 --> 00:08:39,594
Okay, sun, do your thing.
169
00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:41,695
[Sizzling]
170
00:08:43,541 --> 00:08:46,066
Laurie, you got breast implants?
171
00:08:46,143 --> 00:08:48,077
You know how dangerous
those are?
172
00:08:48,145 --> 00:08:50,079
Oh, calm down, Serena.
173
00:08:50,147 --> 00:08:54,174
They're Ball Park breast implants.
174
00:08:54,251 --> 00:08:58,347
- Ball Park breast implants?
- Yeah. They plump when you cook 'em.
175
00:08:58,422 --> 00:09:02,916
Just apply heat, and out they pop...
tender, perky, juicy.
176
00:09:02,993 --> 00:09:05,188
And they're great between a bun.
177
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:09,530
See?
178
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,727
Yeah, but are they safe?
179
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:15,465
Is a hot dog safe?
There's nothing to worry about.
180
00:09:15,539 --> 00:09:19,168
Ball Park breast implants
are made of 100% natural animal lips...
181
00:09:19,243 --> 00:09:21,871
tongues, ears and entrails.
[Laughs]
182
00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:26,708
Exactly what hot dogs
are made out of.
183
00:09:26,784 --> 00:09:29,776
Yeah, but what if you want to,
you know, take them out?
184
00:09:29,854 --> 00:09:32,322
Oh, Serena, that's easy.
185
00:09:32,389 --> 00:09:34,755
All you gotta do is eat them.
186
00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:37,726
Just make sure
you heat them thoroughly.
187
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:42,094
- Ah!
- [Sizzling]
188
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:45,260
- Oh!
- They're still plumping.
189
00:09:45,336 --> 00:09:49,272
This is amazing. Maybe I should
get Ball Park implants too.
190
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:52,309
Well, it's about time
you moved up from the minors.
191
00:09:52,376 --> 00:09:56,244
[Both Laughing]
192
00:09:56,313 --> 00:09:59,680
Hey, ladies. Got some mustard
for these buns?
193
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:01,684
Ooh!
194
00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:04,448
Now that I've got
a Ball Park butt enhancer...
195
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,887
I can hang
with the homeboys anytime.
196
00:10:06,957 --> 00:10:09,255
Hey, Arsenio!
Hooh! Hooh! Hooh!
197
00:10:09,326 --> 00:10:13,353
- Better move on. You are blockin' my sun.
- [Both Laughing]
198
00:10:14,999 --> 00:10:18,594
[Announcer] Ball Park breast implantsand Ball Park butt enhancer.
199
00:10:18,669 --> 00:10:22,298
Available in chicken, turkeyand new "lite"varieties.
200
00:10:22,373 --> 00:10:24,739
They plump when you cook 'em.
201
00:10:26,110 --> 00:10:28,169
♪♪ [Olympic Fanfare]
202
00:10:31,348 --> 00:10:33,339
[Man] Welcome to the final roundof the 12th annual...
203
00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:35,510
African-American Revival Competition.
204
00:10:35,586 --> 00:10:39,249
Hello. I'm Harv Firestone, and I'm here
with a man who has no trouble being heard.
205
00:10:39,323 --> 00:10:42,884
Of course, I'm talking about
commentatorJohn "Super Bowl" Madden.
206
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:46,259
Thank you, Harv. Tonight, in addition
to some exciting performances...
207
00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:48,594
we're gonna get some
of that real good peach cobbler.
208
00:10:48,666 --> 00:10:52,659
Sister Sadie's gonna be sellin' it downstairs
in the locker room right afterwards.
209
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,670
[Firestone]So let's move on, shall we?
210
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,672
It looks likeourjudges are in place.
211
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,674
Let's go to the competition.
212
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:02,439
[Madden] Our first competitor is a memberof that Greater Mount Olive Adult Choir.
213
00:11:02,513 --> 00:11:05,846
That's a real good bunch there. And when youhear "revival,"you just think of one name...
214
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,850
- Ms. Rosetta McKee.- ♪♪ [Organ: Gospel]
215
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,853
[Firestone] How right you are.It's always good to see Ms. Rosetta again.
216
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,651
I'm a very good friend ofher husband's...a greatjai alai player.
217
00:11:13,724 --> 00:11:16,921
A two-time gold medalist,she certainly is a favorite here.
218
00:11:16,994 --> 00:11:20,987
My Lord! [Gasps]
My Lord! [Gasps] My Lord! [Gasps]
219
00:11:21,065 --> 00:11:24,159
Oh, mercy! Mercy!
Mercy! Mercy!
220
00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:26,930
Mercy! Ohh! Mercy!
221
00:11:27,004 --> 00:11:30,440
Mercy! Mercy!
[Vocalizing]
222
00:11:30,507 --> 00:11:33,533
Oh, mercy! Mercy!
Mercy! Mercy!
223
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:37,273
Well, that's incredible.
That's just smash-mouth.
224
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:39,680
That's flat out.
She brought the whole load there.
225
00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:42,116
She goes into what they call
the "Stompin' Saint Shuffle."
226
00:11:42,186 --> 00:11:45,747
But that vibratin' might cost.
Let's take a look at the instant replay.
227
00:11:45,823 --> 00:11:48,257
She... Boom!
She nails the triple "My Lord"...
228
00:11:48,325 --> 00:11:50,259
but then she starts runnin'into a little interference right here...
229
00:11:50,327 --> 00:11:52,261
with the double-reverse"Mercy, Mercy."
230
00:11:52,329 --> 00:11:54,388
- Right, Harv.- Stop it right there. Now, you see that?
231
00:11:54,465 --> 00:11:57,559
She is clearly cabbage patching.Definite violation.
232
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,568
That's right. Let's see if the judges
are gonna be merciful.
233
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,196
Oh.! A 5.0.
234
00:12:02,272 --> 00:12:05,571
- Oh.!- Tough break for Sister Rosetta.
235
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,735
Next up is a deaconessfrom Louisville, Kentucky...
236
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,904
Mrs. Darline Whittiker.
237
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:13,575
Now, to me, Darline has always beenthe real class of the competition.
238
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:17,245
- A well-known agnostic.
- Ho! Ho! Ho!
239
00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:19,482
- [Continues, Indistinct]
- Glory! Glory! Glory!
240
00:12:19,556 --> 00:12:21,547
Hi! Batter, batter,
batter, batter, batter!
241
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:24,025
- Diggety-dig! Diggety-dig!
- [Firestone] I don't believe it.!
242
00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:26,028
She's talkin'in tongues,and she's down.!
243
00:12:26,096 --> 00:12:28,030
Ladies and gentlemen, amazing.Look at...
244
00:12:28,098 --> 00:12:30,658
- [Shouting Gibberish]
- Oh, and she's back up.!
245
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:33,362
Woo woo woo!
Nyuk, nyuk!
246
00:12:33,437 --> 00:12:37,305
Down again. They're gonnahave to give her an eight count.
247
00:12:37,374 --> 00:12:40,400
- [Madden] That's right.
- Let's see what the judges say.
248
00:12:40,477 --> 00:12:43,275
A 10, a 9.5.
249
00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:47,807
Another 10.That gives her a 9.75.
250
00:12:47,885 --> 00:12:51,446
Now here's the reigning champion...Ms. Sarah Mae Brown.
251
00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,547
I tell you,Sarah's such a joy to be around...
252
00:12:53,624 --> 00:12:55,558
'cause she's so down to earth.
253
00:12:55,626 --> 00:12:57,856
She's like a "'round the way"banshee girl.
254
00:12:57,928 --> 00:13:00,226
- She used to spar with Mike Tyson.
- [Shouts]
255
00:13:00,297 --> 00:13:02,288
And is biologically a man.A lot of people don't know that.
256
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:04,095
Two-time Golden Glove winner.
257
00:13:04,168 --> 00:13:06,534
This is her fourth consecutive appearanceat the Shouting Olympics.
258
00:13:06,603 --> 00:13:08,662
- She's just ready to go. Let's watch the action.
- [Gargling]
259
00:13:08,739 --> 00:13:11,230
As you see, the spit bucketfrom her years in the ring.
260
00:13:11,308 --> 00:13:15,176
In the old days, she would've spitright on the floor, but times have changed.
261
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:18,510
- She's off and running.- Speaking of running, shejust left the auditorium.
262
00:13:18,582 --> 00:13:20,550
- Here she comes.- Oh.! She lost her wig.
263
00:13:20,617 --> 00:13:23,108
- I think she's gonna pull it off.- Oh, that's beautiful.
264
00:13:23,187 --> 00:13:25,314
Praise him!
Praise the Lord!
265
00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:28,256
- Yes, O Mighty!
- Oh, she's not done yet.
266
00:13:28,325 --> 00:13:32,887
- Mighty! Mighty! Mighty! Mighty!
- Sarah said that her competitionbetter be here today.
267
00:13:34,765 --> 00:13:36,824
There she goeswith the soft shoe.
268
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,562
A lot of people don't knowshe was in the chorus...
269
00:13:39,636 --> 00:13:41,763
of the original production ofThe Wiz.
270
00:13:42,773 --> 00:13:44,707
[Cheering]
271
00:13:44,775 --> 00:13:47,266
[Shouting]
272
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,380
- Now, Lord!
- [Bursting]
273
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,683
Ms. Sarah Mae Brown, folks.
274
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,049
Ms. Sarah Mae Brown
brings it on home...
275
00:13:57,121 --> 00:13:59,919
with a spectacular
"Gone to Glory" gainer.
276
00:13:59,990 --> 00:14:01,924
And, you know, John,
the only thing wrong...
277
00:14:01,992 --> 00:14:05,359
with doing a wonderful routine like this
is you can only do it once.
278
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:07,522
Right you are, Harv.
This is has been incredible.
279
00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:09,532
She had the Holy Spirit
shootin' out of her ears.
280
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,364
The fire, the brimstone... boom, bang...
flyin' all over the place.
281
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:15,303
This is the best thing I've seen
since David met Goliath.
282
00:14:15,372 --> 00:14:19,001
There you have it, folks. This is Harv Firestone
with John Madden saying...
283
00:14:19,076 --> 00:14:22,637
stay tuned for Heavyweight Collection Plate
Lifting and Synchronized Baptisms.
284
00:14:22,713 --> 00:14:25,682
- Good night and happy to you.
- [Chattering]
285
00:14:28,003 --> 00:14:31,234
Oh, my God. This must have
been one hell of a fire.
286
00:14:31,307 --> 00:14:33,935
Man, I can't tell
if those are his lungs or beef jerky.
287
00:14:35,244 --> 00:14:38,441
- [Monitor: Steady Beeping]
- We've lost him.
288
00:14:38,514 --> 00:14:40,448
Time of death: 4:16 p.m.
289
00:14:40,516 --> 00:14:42,950
Nurse, call the coroner.
290
00:14:43,018 --> 00:14:46,954
- [Nurse Gasps]
- Don't touch that dial, Mary Tyler Morgue.
291
00:14:47,022 --> 00:14:49,456
- It's a zombie!
- [Screams]
292
00:14:49,525 --> 00:14:53,552
Not quite, son,
but I do appreciate the Haitian culture.
293
00:14:53,629 --> 00:14:57,588
I am Fire Marshal Bill Burns,
and nobody likes a quitter.
294
00:14:57,666 --> 00:15:00,794
- Scalpel.
- Scalpel.
295
00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:03,361
- [Shouts]
- [Screams]
296
00:15:03,439 --> 00:15:05,373
- [Flesh Tearing]
- [Grunts]
297
00:15:06,508 --> 00:15:09,306
♪ Happy entrails to you ♪
298
00:15:09,378 --> 00:15:11,141
[Yelping]
299
00:15:11,213 --> 00:15:14,341
- Rib spreader.
- Rib spreader.
300
00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:17,442
- Oh!
- [Grunting]
301
00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:19,612
- Ah.
- [Nurse] Oh!
302
00:15:19,688 --> 00:15:21,622
So that's where
my TV clicker went.
303
00:15:21,690 --> 00:15:24,853
- Staple gun!
- Staple gun!
304
00:15:24,927 --> 00:15:27,953
[Grunting]
305
00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:32,126
- Band-Aid with colorful Flintstone characters.
- Band-Aid.
306
00:15:33,469 --> 00:15:37,565
Voilà. Thanksgiving
atJeffrey Dahmer's house.
307
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,575
[Laughing]
308
00:15:40,643 --> 00:15:43,669
Boy, this hospital is an accident
waiting to happen.
309
00:15:43,746 --> 00:15:45,680
Let me show ya somethin'!
310
00:15:45,748 --> 00:15:48,080
What the hell
are you talkin' about?
311
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:50,448
Say you've got
Ben Vereen on the table.
312
00:15:52,588 --> 00:15:56,422
He's been on the highway
playing Chicken George with a Winnebago.
313
00:15:56,492 --> 00:15:58,653
You're trying to put
the puzzle back together again...
314
00:15:58,727 --> 00:16:02,424
when somebody says, " Hey, look.
There's Whoopi Goldberg with a black guy."
315
00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:06,634
You spin around
to get a gander...
316
00:16:06,702 --> 00:16:09,967
when you accidentally knock open
the valve on this gas.
317
00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:12,132
- Like so.
- [Gas Hissing]
318
00:16:12,207 --> 00:16:15,074
Next thing you know,
you're Dennis Hopper from Blue Velvet.
319
00:16:15,144 --> 00:16:17,840
[Inhaling Deeply]
Don't look at me.
320
00:16:18,914 --> 00:16:22,281
Don't you look at me!
321
00:16:22,351 --> 00:16:24,285
You're groovy.
You're happenin'.
322
00:16:24,353 --> 00:16:27,447
You're outta sight, daddy-o.
You are stardust. You are golden.
323
00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:32,187
Then the telephone rings, and you
accidentally answer the heart zapper instead.
324
00:16:32,261 --> 00:16:34,991
- Boy, this new Sprint line is really... clear!
- [Electric Shock]
325
00:16:39,802 --> 00:16:43,465
This is your brain on drugs.
Any questions?
326
00:16:46,842 --> 00:16:50,278
Now, just for the sake
of argument...
327
00:16:50,346 --> 00:16:52,940
Let's just say...
328
00:16:53,015 --> 00:16:55,381
a barracuda has been snackin'
on your patient's leg.
329
00:16:55,451 --> 00:16:57,180
[Chomping]
330
00:16:58,253 --> 00:17:00,187
This is no boating accident.
331
00:17:00,255 --> 00:17:03,986
This leg is more messed up
than a child actor on Diff'rent Strokes.
332
00:17:04,059 --> 00:17:06,357
[Laughing]
333
00:17:06,428 --> 00:17:08,362
What time is it?
334
00:17:08,430 --> 00:17:10,864
Amputation time!
335
00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:13,265
You put your leg up here
to get a little leverage...
336
00:17:13,335 --> 00:17:17,635
when some wacky resident decides
to playJedi knight with a surgical laser.
337
00:17:17,706 --> 00:17:19,640
- [Buzzing]
- Look out.
338
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:22,336
♪ I knows a secret ♪
Hey, fella. Watch it.
339
00:17:22,411 --> 00:17:24,402
You can take somebody's eye out
with that thing.
340
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,539
[Screaming]
341
00:17:32,054 --> 00:17:35,649
Oh, yeah!
342
00:17:37,826 --> 00:17:41,819
You reach in for the guy's leg
like Ray Charles lookin' for the Uh-Huh Girls.
343
00:17:41,897 --> 00:17:43,888
Next thing you know...
344
00:17:45,234 --> 00:17:48,670
- [Saw Buzzing, Grinding]
- Oh!
345
00:17:50,339 --> 00:17:53,103
- I think I just hit marrow.
- [Buzzing]
346
00:17:54,977 --> 00:17:57,002
There we go.
[Sighs]
347
00:18:00,049 --> 00:18:03,143
Boy, they're right.
348
00:18:03,218 --> 00:18:05,550
It does feel like it's still there.
[Laughs]
349
00:18:06,789 --> 00:18:09,622
Oh, my God.
Get a trauma unit in here.
350
00:18:09,691 --> 00:18:13,320
♪ Don't cry for me
Ike and Tina ♪
351
00:18:13,395 --> 00:18:16,922
♪ It's you who is
in grave danger ♪♪
352
00:18:16,999 --> 00:18:19,797
♪ Let me show ya, show ya somethin'
show ya somethin' ♪
353
00:18:19,868 --> 00:18:23,702
♪ Let me show ya
show ya some-om-thin' ♪♪
354
00:18:23,772 --> 00:18:25,706
Now.
355
00:18:27,910 --> 00:18:29,844
Let's say you've got a patient...
356
00:18:29,912 --> 00:18:33,746
whose bowels haven't moved
since MichaelJackson had lips.
357
00:18:33,816 --> 00:18:37,411
So you just prescribe him
a little enema. [Yelps]
358
00:18:37,486 --> 00:18:41,616
Sir, enemas, though the subject
of tasteless humor, are perfectly safe.
359
00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:46,218
Not if you accidentally replace the warm,
soapy liquid with highly volatile...
360
00:18:46,295 --> 00:18:49,662
[Chortling]
Nitroglycerin.
361
00:18:49,731 --> 00:18:53,599
- Why would I do that?
- Maybe you're all out of Snapple, son.
362
00:18:53,669 --> 00:18:55,398
Oh, Nurse.
363
00:18:55,471 --> 00:18:57,632
- Would you pull my finger?
- No!
- No!
364
00:18:57,706 --> 00:18:59,674
Okay.
365
00:18:59,741 --> 00:19:02,175
Now a scene from Backdraft.
366
00:19:02,244 --> 00:19:04,269
[Explosion]
367
00:19:05,314 --> 00:19:07,544
[Sirens Wailing]
368
00:19:08,851 --> 00:19:10,978
My children were born
in that hospital.
369
00:19:11,053 --> 00:19:14,147
The desperate cries of the sick and injured
will now go unanswered.
370
00:19:16,758 --> 00:19:20,854
Oh, well. I guess
I'm just a splash in the pan.
371
00:19:20,929 --> 00:19:24,092
[Laughing]
372
00:19:24,166 --> 00:19:27,567
♪ Let me show ya, show ya somethin'
show ya somethin' ♪
373
00:19:27,636 --> 00:19:32,335
♪ Let me show ya
show ya some-om-thin' ♪♪
374
00:19:35,177 --> 00:19:38,112
- ♪♪ [Theme]
- Hey, hey, hey! Yo!
375
00:19:38,180 --> 00:19:40,375
That's the way we go.
That's it for tonight. Thanks for hangin'.
376
00:19:40,449 --> 00:19:42,383
We'll see ya. Peace!
377
00:19:42,451 --> 00:19:44,476
[Mouthing Words]
378
00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:33,860
♪♪ [Continues]
32117
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