All language subtitles for Gossip Girl - S01E09 - Blair Waldorf Must Pie!-stream-2-subtitle-subrip

Your one and only source
into the scandalous lives

of Manhattan's elite.
How's your mom doing
with the divorce and everything?

So my dad left her for
another man. She lost 15 pounds,

got an eye lift.
It's been good for her.
My mom kind of left us
a couple months ago.

My dad and my sister
don't really see that.
I don't know what's happened
with my wife or my marriage,

and you showing up here randomly
doesn't make figuring that out

any easier.
Am I the only one who thinks
this is extremely weird?

(Jenny) Forget about it. If dad
can let it go, so can you.
(Serena) I can't believe

you didn't tell me
your mom came home.
Your wife despises me.

I wouldn't say that.
Well, she did.

You should deal with your
father. He needs you. I don't.
We broke up, okay? He was gonna
get back together with me,

but only so my mom
would help his dad.
I need your support here,
son, and your trust.

Well, you better hope
for your sake

they don't call your son
to the stand.

(Blair) Do you like me?
(Chuck) Define "like."

And who am I?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.o.x.o., gossip girl.

As per gossip girl's
Thanksgiving tradition,

I'm trading my laptop
for stove top,

and for the next 16 hours,

the only thing I'm dishing
is seconds.

When the cat's away,
the mice will play.

Have fun, little rodents.

I mean, who gets wasted
on Thanksgiving?

The holidays
are lonely for people.

I wanted to keep 'em company.
Whoo!

(Bell dings)
(Nelly furtado)
♫ you're looking for a girl ♫

Your mom is freaking out,
so my mom is freaking out.

What, which means you freak out?

Blair, just cut the cord.
Go nuts. Come on.

Let's do shots. Come on!
I told Lily
that you were buying a pie.

(Chuckles) Oh, pie.

Where is your purse?
Uh, my purse...

Oh, great. All right.
You stay here, okay?

I'm gonna go look.

Don't drink or hit on anything.

Pie's been secured.

Thanksgiving no longer
needs to be canceled, all right?

Um...

(Tires screech)

(Horn honks)

Hey, mom, you know,
I need to go. I'm sorry. Bye.

(Horn honks)
Oh, man.

(Tires screech, horn honks)
(Man) Hey! What are you doing?

Hey, right of way, pal.

(Man) Screw you, buddy!
Hey, uh, excu... excuse me.

D-do you need, like,
a crossing guard or a cab maybe?

Oh, pie.

It's more like roadkill now,

but, uh, better it
than you, right?

Um...

I'm... I'm Dan... Humphrey.
Hi.

Hi. Uh, I don't know.
We met last year.

Uh. You m...
You might not remember.

Yeah, I... you probably don't,
but look,

you should be more careful.
You need to keep
your hands off of her.

Blair!
Trying to take advantage
of her on the holidays.

Come on. Let's go, Serena.

(Giggles) Bye, Dave.

Bye.

Bye.

(Car door shuts)

Bye, Serena.

Hey.

And hello to you.

Big national holiday.
You excited?
Kind of am.

Might be the first Thanksgiving
in a while

that I actually remember.
Yeah, I bet.

Huh?

Nothing. Uh, you...
Uh, you at Blair's?

Almost. Her dad's gonna be
home for the first time

since he left,
so she's really excited.
Oh, well, family reunions
are all around then.

Uh, we, too,
have a full Humphrey household.

Hopefully, it'll stick.
Well, it seems like
your mom is really trying.

Better Thanksgiving than never.

Call me between every course?

Okay.

Mwah. Bye.

Mom, is it really okay to cook
with this much heavy cream?

Our arteries give us
a free pass on Turkey day.
It's a shame our family doesn't
have a few hundred more members.

Do you think
I bought too much?
Only by several tons.

But it's our first holiday back.

I wanted to make sure
it was special.
(Rufus) Mm.

I think they call that guilt.
Yeah, I guess they do.

But if it means more midnight
Turkey sandwiches for all of us,

then so be it.
Yeah, see, Dan? Uh,
we on this side of the kitchen

choose to be positive.
Yeah, Dan.
What's it gonna be?

(Rufus)
You with us or against us?

Uh... (Chuckles) Fine. Fine.
But only if I can

take the cranberry sauce
out of the can.

That is my specialty.

I have to find this recipe
before my dad gets here.

Harold Waldorf's
famous pumpkin pie.

Well, it may have
been Bobby flay's,

but it didn't stop my dad
from taking credit for it.

It's gonna be perfect!
Look at you.
Quite the chipper sous-chef.

Well, I'm in a good mood.

It happens. Sometimes
'cause I increase my Lexapro,

sometimes
because my dad's in town.

And sometimes, mostly because
things are good with a boy.

You and Nate get back together?

You mean since gossip girl

published pictures
of him and some skank?

So that's a no.
What's Chuck doing today?

Why are you asking me?

Well, you guys are friends.

And, Blair, look, you know
you can tell me anything.

I'd be the last person
to judge anyone.

With good reason.

Blair, I saw you with Chuck.

(Sighs) I don't know
what I was thinking.

I mean, sleeping with him once,
maybe you could understand,

but twice?
Wait. You slept with him?

Shh!
Ugh. Blair!

What happened to no judging?
I'm not, but I thought
you wanted to wait.

I thought you wanted
to make things special.
Oh, so Nate gets the free pass,
and I'm the slut?

Tell me you didn't
sleep with Chuck for revenge.

Well, it wasn't because
I like his natural musk,

and besides, nothing hurts more

than sleeping with
the best friend, right, s.?

Way to prove a point.

Well,
I learned from the master.
If you're sleeping
with Chuck,

I'd say the student's
become the master.

Are you jealous you didn't
get to sleep with him first?

There had to be somebody left
on the Upper East Side.

Blair, darling, are you
going to help me at all?

Serena, do you know
when your mother's arriving?

She's not. We're not doing
Thanksgiving here anymore.

Oh. Why?

Because I uninvited them.

Happy holidays, Eleanor.

(Serena) Mom, I know
it's my fault that we're here,

but let's not get crazy.
Well, I don't know
what you're complaining about.

I'm just trying
to provide my family

with a home-cooked meal.
You don't know how to cook.

(Laughs)
Well, don't blame me.
Talk to your sister.

She's the one that got us
exiled from the Waldorfs.
Oh, I'm sorry.

And even if you did cook,
we don't have an oven.
Preaching
to the converted, Eric.

Look, we'll just pick up
a few things and try to make do.

Like Peking duck
on Thanksgiving.
Hmm. Not a bad idea.

No, mom.
All the other shops are closed.
There's nothing wrong

with having Chinese food
on Thanksgiving.

What?
Jews having been doing it
on Christmas since forever.

Look, a pumpkin.
Isn't this...

This is festive, yes?

We're gonna eat a pumpkin?

Mom.

(Cell phone rings)
Oh.

So you couldn't make it
past the salad, huh?

I opened the Cranberries.
My work is done.

How's Blair's?

Uh, I wouldn't know.
She gave me the boot.

Wh... she kicked you out
of her house? What happened now?

Uh, don't ask,
but the good news is,

my mom is gonna slice us
up a pumpkin.

Oh, and there's duck.

No, no, no. You can't eat duck
and raw pumpkin on Thanksgiving.

Uh, you know what?

I'm the guardian of Vanessa's
sister's Van for the weekend,

and we here
at the Humphrey manor

have an oddly large
kitchen table.
What are you suggesting?

These smell great.
Yes, so we can starve
in a fragrant hotel room.

We're not starving.
Look, I got us into this mess,

so I'm gonna get us out of it.
Elaborate, Serena.

Thanksgiving at the Humphreys.

Dan invited me, and Eric's
friends with his sister,

and his dad's really cool.
(Eric) Awesome.
I'm leaving the pumpkin.

What do you say, mom?

(Chuckles nervously)

(Laughs)

♫♫

Found it.
Sous-chef, you're needed.

Ready and awaiting orders.
I see we have extra help.

Yes, well, Serena's spending
Thanksgiving with us this year.

Ah, the more the merrier.
Happy to have you, my dear.

Whoo! Yes!

The canapés were a huge success.

I saved one for you, Blair.

I'm not really hungry.

Well, what does that mean,
you're not really hungry?
Well, I had, like,

15 of them this morning
when daddy first made them.
15?

Serena. Serena!

(Under breath)
Do you think that's wise?

Darling, she's fine.
She has been for two months.

What did the doctor say?
Don't drive us crazy, okay?

So, please.

Ah, fine.

We are going to need to set
another place at the table.

Laurel brought one of the models
I'm working with.

Do I know her?
What's her name?

His name is Roman.

Ah. Roman.

Not this one, Harold.

We have to work together.

(Nate) Hey, you!

(Gasps) Happy Thanksgiving.
You, too. Good to see you.

Mwah. Want one?
Ah, sure.

(Eleanor) Good boy.
Nate the great.

Mmm. So what'd I miss?
Mm, nothing.

You're about to witness
the return of sober Serena.
Oh, Nate! (Laughs)

(Nate) Oh, no. Oh, no.
Or maybe not. Sweetie,
would you take her upstairs?

Put her in the bath
before your mother gets wind

of this whole situation?
What, and leave you all alone?
Thanksgiving is our thing.

Nate, will you please
take care of her? Please?

Oh, I will. Come on.

Here.
Daddy, can I help
with the pumpkin pie?

Of course.

Thank you.
Crush them.

Thank you very much.
Crush them.

Caterers?

What's going on here?

Everyone is getting ready
for our lovely dinner,

and you should be, too.

Everyone except daddy.
Where is he?

I thought you knew.

Knew what?

Your father isn't coming.

He didn't tell you?

(Scoffs)

He decided to stay in Paris.

He's got either too much work,
or Roman is too much work.

Who knows?
I-I don't understand.
If he wasn't coming,

why wouldn't he just call me
and tell me himself?
Darling,
you should know by now

that your father is not a fan
of the difficult conversation.

Now why don't you run along
and change into something

a little more...

Enchanting?

That's good.

Are you sure you don't want us
to stay with you?

Yeah, we don't want
to leave you, mom,

if you don't feel well.
Oh, no.
You kids have fun.

I don't have
an appetite anyway.
(Knock on door)

Oh, hold on a second.
That must be Dan.

Hey!

Room service.
Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no, sir.
You have the wrong room.

Oh, no, you're early.
I lied.

Mom.

(Sighs)

All I care about
is that you two are together.

I don't want
to be an imposition.
No.

(Knocks)
Man with Van, at your service.

Hey.
Hey.

Uh, bold choice of attire,
Mrs. Van Der Woodsen,

unless it's what they're wearing
on the runway these days.

No, my mom sicked out because
she didn't want to be imposing.

You know what?
I am fine just curling up

and reading a good book.
But you're supposed to be with
your family on Thanksgiving.

Yeah, and Nicholas sparks
is hardly family.

I'm not taking no for an answer.
In fact, I'm not even asking.

You are coming with us.
I'm adult-napping you.

Fine, just stop talking,

and I'll get ready.

Make it snappy.
I'm double-parked. Thanks.

Hey, Rufus Humphrey.

Leave a message,
and I'll get back to you.
(Beep)

Rufus, it's Lily.
Um, your very persistent son

insisted
that I join you for dinner.

I want to remind you
that my kids do not know

that we are friendly, and I
would like to keep it that way.

That said...

I look forward to seeing you.

Ugh! How could
he just blow me off?

Thanksgiving is our ritual.
You know, he didn't even call?

How hard is it
to pick up the phone?

Miss Blair,
maybe you pick up phone,

call your papa.

Maybe he tell you
the real story.

Real story?

With pearls.

Tastes good, mom.

Thank god
citarella was still open.

I had to improvise since we were
disinvited from the Waldorfs

at the last minute.

(Clears throat)

Just like I was asked

to step down from the committee
for the snowflake ball,

and how I wasn't asked back to
the Lincoln center foundation.

I thought at least,
your father's lawyer

might join us for dessert.
Mom, stop. You were all for
acting like nothing was wrong

until it landed on you.
Nate.

I forgot to call
the bail bondsman.

Maybe he has nowhere to go.
Mom, no one
is more mad than I am,

but this is not the right way.
Nathaniel, I don't need you
to fight this fight for me.

(Utensils clatter)

Where do you think
you're going?
Anywhere but here.

Thank you.
What's taking Dan
and Serena so long?

(Dan) Hey, we're here.
There you are.

You're lucky you made it
while the Turkey's still hot.

Mom, this is Serena,
and this is her brother Eric.
It is so nice
to meet you both.

It's nice to meet you, too.
(Eric) Nice to meet you. Hi.

(Dan) And this is
their mother, Lily.

Happy Thanksgiving.

(Ok go's "here we go again"
playing)

Just in time, but I thought
you were gonna bring pie.

I did, but it kinda
got run over by a taxi,

uh, as I was trying to help
this girl stay out of traffic.
Ah, well, who needs dessert

when we have a real-life hero
in our midst?

Your brother
just saved a girl.
I thought you needed to be
near a girl for that to happen.

Not just any girl. The girl.

Oh, the blonde
you stalk at school?
Just the one.

A thing for blondes.
You are your father's son.
Not just any blonde.

Apparently, I like the ones
who get drunk on Thanksgiving

and almost die.
Well, your dad liked 'em

dangerous and troubled,
too, so...
You were dangerous?

Who said
I was talking about me?
Well, I didn't realize
there was anyone else.

Well, it is so nice to meet you.

Alison. Right,
it's nice to meet you, too.

Lily, was it?

Yes. (Chuckles)

Well, I'm just gonna take
these coats and put them in, um,

Dan's room.
Uh, you know what?
It's okay. I've got them.

(Whispers) Oh.

Oh, thank you. Mm.

Okay, Eric and Jenny,
napkin duty.

Serena and Dan, I want
every water glass filled,

and every candle
you can find lit.
I am sorry. I did not know
that you were...

Back? Well, I am.

And why would you know?

Well, Dan never mentioned it
when he invited me.

I called.
I didn't hear the phone.

You know what?
It's fine. It's fine.

Let's just have a great time.
This holiday's about sharing.

Right. And if you don't mind,
um, could we not share too much?

I haven't exactly told my kids
about my past.

Well... our past.

Hey, Turkey's almost room temp,
guys. Come on down.

You grab the mashed.

(Alison chuckles) I got that.

(Rufus) Happy Thanksgiving.

(Eleanor)
If it's on the web site,

then I'll go look at it.
Otherwise, I'm not gonna.

(Laurel) Well, that goes
without speaking. We know that.

And who's designing the page?
Well,
I wanted to talk to you.

The guy with no hair?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Blair...

(Lowers voice)
You haven't touched your food.

Come on, darling.
What has gotten into you?

Well, I was going to wait
till after dinner,

but I guess now
is as good a time as any.

Did you call daddy and say
that I didn't want to see him

this Thanksgiving?

Of course not.
What a ridiculous accusation.

So you didn't tell him that I
was so angry at him for leaving,

that I didn't even want
to talk to him today?

(Sighs)
You had no right
to uninvite him.

When are you gonna get it
through your head?

He left us.

He didn't leave us.
He left you.

That's enough.

(Lowers voice)
That's enough.

If you want
to take this up with me,

we can discuss it later,
after our guests have left.

Right now you either eat
or you leave the table.

I told you, I'm not hungry.

Or maybe dessert
will change your mind.

Where is daddy's pie?
Hmm?

(Man) Care for dessert, sir?
I don't see his pumpkin pie.

Well, there were
so many delicious choices

coming from the caterer,

we just sent that one
down to the doorman.

What is Thanksgiving
after all, hmm?

Now choose one
of those amazing desserts.

Mm-hmm.

(Door opens and closes)

So, uh, Mrs. Van Der Woodsen,

um, what were thanksgivings like
when you were growing up?

Serena said you were raised
in California?
Oh, I grew up
on a little ranch in Montecito.

I didn't know
there were little ranches.
There aren't.

♫♫

(Cell phone ringing)

I don't want to be rude,
but I should take this.
Yeah, sure.

Hey, we're right
in the middle of di...

Yeah. O-of course.
I'm on my way.

What's up?

I'm sorry,
but I have to go.
Is everything all right?

No, but, um, it will be, I hope.

I'm sorry. I can't really say
more, but it's nothing about us.
Okay.

I was having a lot of fun,
though. Bye.
All right.

(Whispers) I'm sorry, mom.
I have to go.
Oh, of course.
You're such a good friend.

Look, um, I hope you don't mind,
but my daughter has to go.

Do you need to go with her?
No, no, no, mom.
Stay. Have fun, please.

Thanks, guys.
(Alison)
It was nice to meet you.

(Clears throat)
Is she gonna be okay?
Yeah, uh, yeah. I don't think
it has anything to do with her,

but, um, you were talking
about your ranch.

Did you have any horses?

Yes, I had a few.
Um, I had my own, rosewood.

My dad has a song
called "rosewood."
Oh, but no,
not that rosewood.

(Dan) I completely forgot
about that song.
Yeah, it's about my mom.

You know, 'cause she had this
perfume that she always wore.

And it was Rose and...
(Dan) Sandalwood.

(Jenny) Sandalwood. It was
like her own personal scent.

I'm a fool.
(Whispers)
You're not a fool.

Um, raise your hand
if you're over 30

and acting really weird
right now.

I'm sorry, Alison.

I never told Rufus
about that horse.

So I'm sure
it's just a coincidence.
Wait a minute here.

Why are you talking
like you know each other?

Do you two know each other?

Uh, we kinda did
know each other,

a long, long time ago.
What?

Know each other how?

Oh, my god.

This is unbelievable.
You know what? I need some air.

Don't follow me.

You have
a lot of explaining to do.

(Dan) Mom, wait.

May we please be excused?
Yeah, sure.

(Nate laughs)

Watch it. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

I don't want a bath.

Oh, too bad.
Blair's direct orders.
Blair's not the boss of me.

Sit.
Oh, are you new here?

'Cause Blair's the boss
of all of us.

Oh, seriously, Serena, you smell
like the floor of a brewery.

I do not.
Yes, you do.

Oh, my god. Yes, I do.

(Chuckles) Yeah.

Brewery floor with a hint
of secondhand smoke?

(Laughs) And a pint
of old spice.

Whoa. Whoa.

Blair's a bossy genius.
Oh, yes, she is. Mm.

So what about you?

What about me? I don't
smell like an ashtray.

But you look like
an ass tray. Aah!

Aah! Hey, Serena.
Stop, stop, stop.

Stop, Serena.
Serena, stop.

What's wrong with you? God.
Oh.

Ow. God.

Aah!
Aah! Go away!

Oh, what, what, what, what,
what? You started it, dude.

You started it.
You started it. Oh! What?
Stop it!

What are you guys doing?

(Laughs) Uh...

Um...

Aah!

My hair! My... aah! Aah!

(Screaming)

I got you both!

I'm king of the world.

I'm king of the world!

(Laughs)
(Blair screams)

(Beeps)

(Knock on door)

Hey, it's me.

(Sniffles)

I didn't mean for it to happen.

(Sniffles, sighs)

I didn't see your dad
downstairs.

My mother just decides
everything, you know?

Everything in the world
is just totally up to her.

I know.

(Kisses)

Hey, why don't
we get out of here?

I'm not going back
to that party.

No, I mean, outta here,
outta here.

Out of this apartment,
to a place a little more sane.

Any place would qualify.

(Sniffles)
(Chuckles)

So you actually threatened
Lily Van Der Woodsen

with physical violence?

Mom, you are a badass.

Yeah, well, what can I say?

I was younger then
and wearing steel-toed boots.

No, no. No, we never
actually came to blows.

I focused on transforming
my anger into art.

I made some collages.

I wrote a trilogy
of 1-act plays about her,

named the character Milly,
to try to be, you know, subtle.

It's clever.

So what was so bad about her?

And I mean aside from
the superior fluttering eyelids

and punishing sarcasm.

Well, uh, she was
your dad's first great love,

as she liked to remind me
every chance she got.

It's kind of hard
to compete with that.

(Door opens)

You've uh, been in here
for a half-hour.

Yeah, well,
not nearly enough time

to fathom how you allowed me
to walk into this situation.

Allowed you? Th...

You were the last person

I expected to come through
my front door today.

Yeah, well, at the very least,

you knew that Serena would
come home and tell me all about

the wonderful Thanksgiving
she had with Dan, his father,

oh, and his mother.

Is this really how you think
I deserve to find out?

I don't know what I do
or do not owe you.

I mean, we haven't
actually defined

what we are to each other.

Well, maybe this is the perfect
opportunity to do it.

But, Lily...

These past few weeks have...

Have been what?

You can't even say it, can you?

I can, but I shouldn't.

Look, for better, for worse,
you're one of my oldest friends.

Mm. Oldest friends?

That's certainly not how it felt

when you kissed me
at Eleanor's party.

What?

(Groans)

Alison, honey...

Dan, will you go and...

Uh, check on Jenny
and Eric. Yeah.

(Door slams)
(Nate) Mom, where's dad?

(Anne) How dare you do that.

Leave in the middle
of Thanksgiving dinner?

I need to talk to dad. Dad?

Dad? Oh, my god. Dad. Dad.

Mom, call 9-1-1. Hurry!

Dad, please, wake up. Dad!

(Serena) Dorita. (Giggles)

(Laughs)
(Laughs) Easy.
Take a seat, honey.

Oh, goodness.
Oh, how do I smell now?

Uh, you smell fantastic,

but you might not wanna
keep asking people that.

Serena, you look wonderful.
That shirt was made for you.
Actually,
it was made for you.

Well, I knew there
was a reason I liked it. Hmm?

Yours, too, I see.
And mine.

(Nate) No, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no.

Would you help me
with the potatoes?
Yes.

Ah! (Laughs)
(Nate and Serena laugh)

Don't tell me it's a big deal.
I'm well aware of the stakes.
Hey. Who's dad talking to?

(Captain) What now?
The office. Something about that
deal with the Dutch company.

So it looks like I'll have
to slip out for a few minutes.

Dad, it's a holiday.
Not in Amsterdam.

Well, we are in America. Tell
them it will wait till tomorrow.

Sweetheart, I don't
want to go. I have to.

I brought this deal in,

but if Meltzer
closes it without me,

I don't get the commission.
Forget the commission.
I'll write you a check myself.

Sit.
We're just about to eat.

I think I just lost my appetite.

(Sighs)

Your father and his headaches.

Probably took the Vicodin
and forgot.

Had some whiskey,
and the next thing you know...

Mom, seriously, did you hear
anything the doctor said?

With what he took, he could
have cured 30 headaches.

Mom, he's got a problem,

and ignoring it
almost killed him.

Oh, no.
This is not my fault.

I'm not blaming anybody.

You can blame whoever you want,
just not me.

All I'm guilty of is trying
to make his life easier.
Easier? You've made
his life impossible.

What do you mean?

He's had everything he ever
wanted just handed to him.

My father set him up
with his own firm.

He gave us the house that we
live in, the Hamptons, the boat.

He's never had to earn a dime,
and how do you think
that's working out for him,

mom, huh? Wake up!

All he had to do was sit
behind a desk, put on a suit

and not get arrested, and he
couldn't manage to do that.

You want me to give him more
responsibility in the family?

(Sighs deeply)

Look, I don't know
what the answer is,

but we can't keep going on like
this, or else we'll lose him.

Excuse me.

Sorry to interrupt,
but Mr. Archibald is awake.

He was asking for you.
Thank you.

You're welcome.

(Sniffles)
I'll go see how he's doing.

No. I will.

I'm not saying
you're overreacting per se,

just having a reaction
that is above and beyond

what is appropriate.
I have been killing myself
trying to make up

for what happened in Hudson.
Which is not an overreaction,
I might add.

And then I find out
that the two of you

are making out
at theme parties?
Oh, it was hardly making out,
and there is an explanation.

Hey, guys. I'm back,
and I... brought... Blair.
(Blair) Hey.

Wow. Weird vibe.

Okay. Where's Dan?

There's no chance
we're related, right?
Oh, look at Eric's roots.

What do you mean?
What's wrong with my roots?
They're kind of Rufus-like.

(Serena) Hey.
Serena and Blair.

Blair?
Yeah, it's me.

Explanation to follow,
but first,

what's
going on with our parents?
Oh, uh,
our dad dated your mom.

(Dan) Yeah,
we're not related, though.
What?

(Eric) Ignore my roots.
Wait. Wait. What?

You know what's really weird?

There's a garage door
in the middle of your room.

Oh. Is that Cedric?
Wow. This day
just got a lot worse.

Hold on. How serious
were they... our parents?

Uh, I think it's safe to say
that they have had sex.

Ew. Oh. No, no, no.
No, I'm gonna faint.
To repeat,
we are not related.

She was a groupie,
and he was almost famous.
Suddenly,
my family seems so sane.

This is too much to handle
on an empty stomach.
Well, we're not
going back out there, so...

Well, can we leave here then,
please?

Escape. I don't know.
Maybe eat?

(Dan) Well, that's why
they call it a fire escape.
I think we're splitting hairs
here, Rufus.

An emotional affair is just
as bad as a... as a physical one.
Oh, please,
nobody's buying that.

Emotional affairs are necessary
to keep a marriage alive.
And how many times
have you been divorced?

Alison, this is not about Lily.
This is about you and me.

Exactly, and if we're
gonna have any chance,

then she can't be here.

What, for Thanksgiving?
Or ever?

Oh, you can't be serious.

I am.

Look, I have made mistakes,
and I know that,

but if she's in your life,
you're never gonna get over her.

Alison.

This is it, Rufus, okay?

If you wanna make this work,
then you have to make a choice.

She's been riding me
about my behavior.
And here she's just mad at you
for being her.

And all this time, my dad
has been giving me this advice

based on this girl he dated.
This girl... "A lot like Serena."

(Jenny) It's her mom.
When you think about it,
it makes total sense

that your mom was a groupie.
I mean, only a woman

that had completely satisfied
her sexual appetite in her youth

would ever marry
your stepdads.
Blair, can we not talk about
mom's appetite?

(Dan) Yeah. Or who...
Or who satisfied it.
(Serena) It's just...

(Dan) So...
(All) Gross.

Yeah.
Hi.

Hey, mom.
Is everything okay?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Do you... do you wanna go home?
We could call a car.

Oh, no, not yet.
Um, I need fries.

Excuse me. Could I get
some French fries?

And just keep 'em coming.
(Woman) Sure. Coming right up.

Uh, we should...

I'm gonna go, too.
Leave you guys alone.

S.

Thank you for today.

The sandwich was delicious.

I'm calling Dr. Sherman
tomorrow.

Bye.

Bye.

(Scoffs) Is that
really necessary, mom?

From what I hear, you have been
in places far dirtier than this.

Well... (Chuckles)

Please.

Try spending nine hours
with Jane's addiction

on the Ohio turnpike.

Then we'll talk about dirty.

(Laughs) Okay.

(Dan) See you later, Waldorf.

So, uh, so today was not boring.

No.

I never should have
asked mom to come home,

but I didn't see this coming.

Who could've?
Don't worry about it.

It's so weird to think that
our parents had lives before us,

you know?
I know, or that they had lives
before each other, huh?

Yeah.

Lily seemed pretty upset.

I wonder what happened
while we were gone.

Uh, I-I don't know,

but it looks like
we're about to find out.
Hey! Who's in the mood

for a little
Humphrey family scrimmage?

What'll it be?
Kids against the parents?

Boys against the girls?
Oh, definitely
girls against the boys

because last year, I got burned
by Dan's weak forward pass.
Hey, hey, I was nursing
a rotator cuff injury

from aught-5.
Uh-huh.

Aw.
Come on, mom.
Let's go work out our plays.

(Alison) Yep.

So, uh, dad, not that I'm...
Not that I'm mad, exactly,

but not telling me
about Serena's mom

was extremely uncool.

I should've said something,
I know. And I'm sorry.

Given the ick factor alone,
I would say that you set

my progress back
by at least several months.
Oh, come on.
You're a Humphrey man.

No daughter of Lily's
could ever resist.

How'd you leave it
back there with her?

Well, I wouldn't be expecting

lil over for dinner
anytime soon.

Your mom and I need to focus
on the future, not the past.

That's a lot easier for
all of us without her around.

Well...

Well, let's play
with the old pigskin then.

Mom.

Here you are.

And here you are.
You had me worried sick.

Blair, uh...

I know I-I shouldn't have lied
to you about your father.

That never stopped you before.

True.

But... the real truth...

Divorce papers from your father,

and I'm supposed to sign them.
I haven't yet.

Mom...

He's living in Europe...

With a man.

You can't be all that surprised
that he wants a divorce.

I'm not,

but what I...

What I am surprised about
is how it makes me feel.

He was my husband, after all.

My Harold...

For almost 20 years.

I couldn't face him...

During the holidays.

It was always our happiest time.

Why didn't you
just tell me that?

And let you choose
between the two of us?

I wonder
who would've won that battle.

Yeah, I would have
been entirely alone.

Well, uh, I was anyway.

(Chuckles)

(Sniffles)

It's still Thanksgiving.

Yeah.

(Both chuckle)

What do you want to do?

(Monitor beeping)

Hey.

Oh, you're still here.

I guess I must have
fallen back asleep.

Yeah, you were, uh,

you were pretty out of it
when I first came in.

Where's your mom?

She's getting coffee.

How's your mom?

She's gonna be all right.

We all are.

So...

Vicodin and whiskey, huh?

I guess I forgot I took that
medicine when I took that drink.

Dad, we're not
doing this anymore.

Okay? We're just not.

I know it wasn't an accident.

Of course it was.

And when I found you,
I thought you were dead.

I'm sorry.

I just didn't...
I couldn't...

Yes, you can.
Dad, you have to, please.

I know it might not always
feel that way, but...

We need you.

Dad, we need you.

(Vanessa Carlton's
"nolita fairytale" playing)

(Blair laughs)

Here you go, Nate.
Ah, thank you, Mr. Waldorf.
My dad will appreciate this.

It's a pleasure.
Keep out the gravy.
He's got high cholesterol.

Anne, it's Thanksgiving.
Mom, seriously.

Give the man some gravy.
Happy Thanksgiving.
It's okay.
Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, you, too, man.
All right.

See you soon.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

(Elevator bell dings)

Hello.
Happy Thanksgiving.

Hey.
Hi.

Happy Thanksgiving.
You, too.

Hi.
Happy Thanksgiving.

To you, as well.
Bye.

(Nate) Bye.

Hi.
Happy Thanksgiving, Blair.

I am looking for my daughter.
Where is my little girl? Oh.

Hi. Um...

Too much Turkey?

Uh-huh. (Laughs)

(Vanessa Carlton) ♫ fairytale ♫

♫ I used to ♫

♫ hover ♫

♫ outside my ♫

♫ truth ♫

♫ always ♫

♫ worried ♫

♫ about what I'd lose ♫

♫ take away my record deal ♫

♫ go on,
I don't need it ♫

Bye, Blair.

Happy Thanksgiving.

(Eleanor) This time,
I went for the ginger tea.

(Harold) Good.

♫ I found
some kind of fairytale ♫

Hello. Where were you?

Exquisite. Just say it.

Give me my shoe.

♫ Ooh ♫

♫ want a garden
by the ocean tide ♫

♫ because I lose my way
searching for stage lights ♫

♫ well, Stevie knows ♫

♫ and I thank her so ♫

Hey, Dan, will you pass
the mashed? It's over...

(Rufus) Ahem.
What? Oh, yeah, here.
I'm sorry.

Come on, son.
You're asleep at the wheel.

The Humphrey family Thanksgiving
dinner's a well-oiled machine.
Were you still thinking
about your dream girl?

What? No.

(Jenny) Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

No, no. No. I'm thinking about,
um, your stuffing, mom,

which looks delicious.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Your stuffing. Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Well, keep dreaming.

You know, maybe one day
she'll actually know your name.

Yeah, maybe, and then I'll have
something to be thankful for.
Oh, shut up.

(Alison) Really.
What's that all about?

♫ Nolita fairytale ♫

♫ da-da, da-da, da-da ♫

♫ da-da, da-da, da-da ♫
♫ nolita fairytale ♫

♫ da-da, da-da, da-da ♫

♫ da-da, da-da, da-da ♫
♫ nolita fairytale ♫

♫ nolita fairytale ♫

♫ nolita fairytale ♫

♫♫