All language subtitles for Universal Basic Guys s02e04 Down the Shore.eng

Aw c'mon, dude. Look at these
jerks trying to cut the line.

- Ridiculous.
- Eh. I'm on vacation.

I ain't gonna get worked
up about it.

Come on!

Yo, would you stop
letting people in?!

Ugh. Unbelievable.

Oh look, there it is.

Silverfish Pier.
We're getting close.

Can't believe it's shutting
down for good after Labor Day.

Yep, it's a travesty.

Place is a landmark. But
at least we get one last run.

It's gonna be special.

Yo, you see that Dar?

That's the Goofy Galleon, okay.

That thing's gonna change
your life.

I don't see what the big deal
is about a ship that swings.

Nah nah nah,
it doesn't just swing, okay.

This is the only ride
in the country

that does a full
360 degree backflip.

It's literally the GOAT ride.

Didn't some guy get like,
decapitated on there?

Yeah well, that's what
makes it a thrill ride, okay.

There's real risk involved!
[car horn]

Oh great, here we go.

Hey man, can you let me in?

Please! My wife is pregnant!

Mark, maybe let 'em in.
I think she's in labor.

Uh no. He said his wife
is pregnant, okay.

Don't be a sucker.
- Please!

Her water just broke.
She's going into labor!

Oh, is she? yeah? Yeah-
is- that's why

you're going down
the shore?

- Mark!
- The hospital's in Oceanwood!

Oh yeah, right.
Nice try.

Uh, I dunno know, Mark.

She seems pretty, uh... like
in pain there.

No this is B.S, Hank, okay.
Trust me.

Oh, my God! It's happening.
She's giving birth.

Oh, my God!
Just breathe, hun.

They are committed,
I'll give 'em that.

Mark, stop it!
Let him in.

Ugh. Fine.

Yo, uh, congratulations, pal,
alright.

Oh! Thank you! Oh.

Suckahhh!
Hahaha!

- Oh my God!
- Dammit!

Well, frickin' told you, Tam.

? Well, I used to work
in hot dog factory ?

? until them
robots came along, ?

? and now there is no
job for me, ?

? but I get three thousand
bucks a month. ?

? Thanks to UBI. ?

? Now we're Universal
Basic Guys. ?

? It may not sound like much, ?

? but we're still gonna try.

? We're just Universal
Basic Guys. ?

Oooh, baby.

Oh, I can't wait to set my
chair right by the water

so I can get my toes wet
and just read my book.

Yo, let me tell you okay,

nobody deserves a nice, relaxing
weekend down a shore like you.

Y'know, with all those double
shifts you've been working.

Aw thanks, hun.

I can't believe you snagged
a house in Oceanwood

for Labor Day weekend.
- Not just any house okay,

this one's right
on the boardwalk.

Seriously? Oh, I don't even
wanna know how much this costs.

How about uh, free?

Free? How the hell'd
you do that?

Ah you know, pulled some
strings. No big deal.

Lemme tell you, Tam, okay.
This house is classic.

- Whoa. Sick location, Mark.
Yeah, it's pretty sweet, right.

Wait a minute...
I know this street...

Uh.. why are we at
my sister's house?

Uh, it's not your
sister's house, okay.

It's your family's house.

It's your house too, Tam.

Uh, we have a shore house.

Oh yeah, big time. Primo spot,
right on the boardwalk.

But unfortunately, your
mom won't set foot in it, so...

Yeah, because your Aunt Renee
lives there now and

we don't speak.
- I have an Aunt Renee?

- Oh yeah, and cousins.
- What?

Mom, why haven't
you told me this?

Ugh. Because your Aunt Renee is
nuts. She's a whiny,

self-indulgent crybaby.

I mean, she seemed
nice on a phone.

You called my sister, who I
haven't spoken to in 15 years?!

Where do you get off!

Whoa, I did this
for you Tam, okay.

This feud has gone on
on long enough,

and given Silverfish Pier
is closing...

and every other place was
either booked or too expensive,

which is not why I did this,
to be clear,

I felt I had to
take a drastic action.

Ugh. We're going home right now.
Turn this car around.

We just sat in traffic
for three frickin' hours.

- Now you wanna go home?!
- Uh, yeah, Mark.

Unless Dr. Phil's showing up
at that house,

there's no way I'm
going in there.

Are you nuts?

I mean, it would be cool
to meet my cousins.

Ohp, sorry, Dar.
Unfortunately, you're gonna to

have to wait until
your mom dies.

Ugh. Look at this place.

Completely neglected and
fallen apart.

This is so Renee.

Yeah, I dunno, I kind of
like it. It's got uh, character.

There she is!
- Hi, Renee.

It's so good
to see you.

Aw, man. Look at your
wrinkles, they're so pretty.

Hey, I'm Mark. Great to
finally meet you, Renee.

I know who you are!
Tammy ain't the only

one who knows how to
creep on Facebook.

And you must be Darren. I'm
your Aunt Renee, the pretty one.

Hi.

Oh, my God. You look
just like your father.

Hey, let's hope you
don't also run

away and never come back,
right?

- Uhp! Alright.
- Hey, come on in.

I'd grab your bags, but I just
had a procedure done and

Dr. Rashadidod said
I shouldn't lift heavy

things for at least
a few weeks.

If not more,
right into the holidays.

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that.
What was the procedure?

Hank, don't.

I had to get a bursectomy to
drain some fluid from my elbow.

It was supposed to
take an hour,

ended up taking six hours,

because there's scar tissue on
the ulnar nerve.

On top of having to
get scraped for fibroids.

Hey. Who's hungry?

- Oh, what's the ulnar-oof?
- In the house. Let's go.

Haha, damn,
look at this place!

Yo, this is unbelievable.

Yeah. Looks just like
I remember...

except everything is worse.

Yo Dar, check it out,

you got the plastic uh,
lobster decorations!

Dude these are classic!

Oh no. That's actually our
dinner from a couple nights ago.

Ray, I told you to get rid of
the frickin' lobsters, didn't I?

- I plan to use them.
- Whoa!

Yo. Scare me there, dude.

I'm guessing you're Ray?
Mark Hoagies.

Great to meet you.
- I put googly eyes on 'em.

- Sorry, what was that?
- I put googly eyes on 'em.

- Ah- What do you mean?
- The lobsters.

I'm waiting for 'em
to dry out,

and then I'm gonna put
some googly eyes on them.

Oh, yeah?
Nice.

Sounds uh, hysterical.

Thank you.

Envy!
Neo!

Get out here and meet
your Aunt's family!

Darren, meet your cousins,
Envy and Neo.

Neo's short from Neapolitan,
it's the only ice cream

my stomach can handle.

- Sup?
- Punch me as hard as you can.

Uh... no?

You're not gonna hurt me.

Honey, I don't know if Darren's
comfortable hitting a girl.

No, it's alright.
Her dojo lets her

spar with boys all the time.

Are you a bitch, Darren?

What the hell?

Ugh, whatever. Just hit her.

Okaaay.

- Oh my God!
- Damn, dude.

Ow! Get- get off me.

Renee, could you get your
daughter off my son?

- That's enough Envy.
- But- he didn't tap.

Ow! How do I tap?

Ow. O- Okay!
I tap!

- Ugh.
- Oww!

Damn, dude, we got frickin'
Ronda Rousey over here.

- Watch this! Ha!
- Oh my... Oh my god.

Yo, you alright, dude?

Ray always lets her
practice on him.

If you want, I can teach
you some basic techniques.

No one will ever mess
with you again.

Uh... okay. Yeah.

Yo, what's up
with the helmet, bud?

You got like a... weird head
going on or somethin'?

It's for everyone's safety.

Neo can move things
with his mind

Whoa, I want to see that.

No, I'm still learning
how to control it.

It's a gift,
but it's also a curse.

Whoa.

Hey, let me show you guys to
your room.

We cleared this room
out for yous.

Oh yeah. Thanks. What about
the other guest room?

Oh, Ray's using that as his
new workshop now.

Ugh. Are you kidding me?

Ah, don't worry about
it, Renee. We're- good.

Thanks, Mark.

There should be two air
mattresses in the closet.

Alright well, we're gonna
unpack and get situated.

Ugh. This is so like her.
Putting us all in one room.

They didn't even put
pillowcases on the pillows, ugh!

Ah, come on. This is great, yo.
It's like a big sleepover party.

Enough, Mark. I am
so annoyed at you,

I don't even have words.

Uh, I did this for you, Tam,
okay. Are you planning

on taking this
grudge to the grave?

Yes.

Alright, well uh,
Ray seems chill.

Guy's got a chin
on him. He took that

roundhouse like the
frickin' Terminator.

Kids are a little weird,
but you know,

so is Darren, so I
guess that's a wash.

Darren, what do
you want to do?

Do you want to stay
or you wanna go?

Uh...

C'mon Dar.
Don't you want to get

to know your cousins... who have
a shorehouse on the boardwalk?

The cousin who just beat the
crap out of you?

I mean... it'd be cool
to learn some moves.

Yoooo. There we go dude,
there we go! Let's go!

Ugh. Fine. Well you all can
spend a whole weekend with them.

I'm going to the beach to
try and salvage my vacation.

Hey, check it out. I found
an antique whoopie cushion.

That's a colostomy bag, Hank.

[seagulls]

- Great. It's gonna
friggin' rain.

Ugh...

Hey Tam, 'member
when we used to

catch those little
sand crab things?

Yeah. Heh. And we built
little towns for 'em.

Yeah, right?... Y'know, I think
those things are extinct now?

Haven't seen 'em
in years...

Kinda a familiar feeling,
ya know, Tam?

[sighs]
So, how are you, Renee?

Uh, ya know, it's been a
month, Tam, and let me tell you.

My blood pressure's all over
the place so Dr. Randaso

says I need to switch
my ACE inhibitors again right,

but my new insurance
won't cover it,

and so guess who's on
the phone for hours,

and of course, they're just
giving me the runaround.

- You want one of these?
- No, thanks.

Yeah so anywho,
took me three hours

just to get someone to tell me

I need prior authorization,
right?

And then yesterday, I find out
my pain clinic was shuttered.

Shoot me now!
- Ugh...

Ahh, love that smell of caramel
corn and dead horseshoe crab.

Ooh, ooh, Hank, look.

It's the place where we got
the semi-automatic potato guns.

Ohh, yo, and that's
the place with

the blacklight Bob
Marley posters where

they sell the bongs with
the switchblades attached.

Ohp! Ohp! There she is, baby.
Even crappier than I remember.

Uh... it looks like it's gonna
collapse into the ocean.

I know, right?
Yo, it's the best.

Hey, Mark, just a heads up.
My weather app says

there's a 60% chance of rain
in the next hour.

Ah that's all good, dude. That
means the lines will be shorter.

Yohohooo, shiver me timbers,
dude.

It's go time for the Galleon.

Oh, man.

Awesome.

Ooh, baby.

I'm getting the chills
right now, Hank.

After all these years, we're
finally gonna ride this thing!

Aw man, sometimes,
dreams really do come true.

Uh wait, I thought you said
this was your favorite ride.

Yeah, but I never actually
been on it.

It's always shut
down for some kind of

mechanical issue
like a kid fell out of

it or something.
- Oh, Cool. Cool.

Uh. Are you sure this
thing is safe?

Darren, you really
think that I would

take you on a ride
that wasn't safe?

Dammit.

Now I got adrenal
fatigue syndrome,

so I had Ray get rid of the
router. I saw on TikTok

that the biofields
can mess up your metabolism.

Do you know I put on 15
pounds just from the Wi-Fi?

Yeah, I mean maybe...
I don't know,

you could make some
different lifestyle choices.

Really, Tam? I haven't
seen you in 15 years

and now you're gonna
lecture me about

my eating habits.
Ohoho, here we go...

Uh for your information,
I'm not eating the whole bag.

I'm sharing 'em with
my friends.

Alright, well this was
a bad idea.

I'm gonna head back.

Uh, I believe there's
something you wanted

to say to me?
- What are you talking about?

Your husband said you
wanted to apologize.

Uh... he said what now?

He called me and said if
I invited you guys

down the shore this weekend,
you'd apologize to me.

Yeah well, he's full of crap.
He just wanted to use the house.

And I got nothing
to apologize for.

Unbelievable. You're gonna
shut down the entire ride

because of one minor
mechanical issue. Ridiculous.

It was my fault.

Whoa. You did that?

Yes. I must learn to
control my powers.

Hmm. Excuse me for a moment.

What the hell?

Yo Hank, we gotta get out
of here dude, okay.

Silverfish Pier is shut down and
Ray is starting to creep me out.

I thought you were a
fan of him.

Yeah well, I was also a
fan of Bill Cosby, so...

Ooh, Shriveler's. Hey, is
it cool if I get some taffy?

Ooh, I'll check that out.

Ugh, gah.
Alright.

Hey Ray, yo we're
gonna pop in here

for a bit. So I'll meet you guys
back at the house, alright?

- I want fudge!
- I want fudge as well.

Ah, damnit.

Okay, ooh, vanilla...

Oh yeah peppermint, gotta get
the peppermint.

Ooh, gotta get
the mustard ones.

Oh, wait, lemon.

Yo, I don't know if
I can handle

3 days with these
friggin' weirdos.

I mean I think they're nice.
Neo's got superpowers.

No he doesn't. He's just got
a helmet because one of

those kids with a
weird shaped head.

- Weather alert.
- Gah! Whoa! Ah!

I didn't see you there.

There's been an interesting
turn of events.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, according to the
weather app,

this rain is part of the outer
ring of Tropical Storm DeSean.

It appears to be turning
inland, hmm?

Oh, man. Ooof.

Well, then I guess we should
head back to Glantontown.

Okay, but you are welcome to
hunker down with us.

I would love to show
you my Googlyverse.

The hell's a Googlyverse.

It is an expansive,
fictional nether-realm

that I have
been working on for years.

It's got a deep lore that
I think you are really,

really going to enjoy.

Oh. Right. Yeah,
Totally. Totally.

Hey, uh, Hank, yo.
Let's get a move on, okay.

You've seen this taffy
demonstration like 100 times.

Yeah, but I want to see if
they got any new techniques.

Okay, Darren. Now I'm going to
show you a teep kick.

Okay, cool.
- Hi-ya!

- Oh my God!
- Yo what the hell!?

Go pack your things and get
the hell out of my house!

Ohoho. Your house?
Last time I checked,

mom left this house to
both of us.

Maybe it's time for
you to leave.

I can't! I need to
be near salt air,

air from my chronic sinusitis!
You know that.

Oh, please. Spare me with
your woe-is-me,

attention-seeking fake
illnesses.

Yo! Little help here!
Uh, someone get the door?

Alright, yo, ohp. Sorry, Hank.

Ohp. Watch your head.

The hell happened to you,
Hank?

Oh, I uh, got sucked into
the taffy machine.

Actually, uh, frickin' Chun-Li
over here kicked him into it.

It's not my fault he didn't
have a solid base stance.

Eh, that's ok, I mean, the
urgent care doctor said

I didn't rupture any
vital organs.

Alright well anyway, pier's shut
down and uh, the storm's coming,

so uh, time to get outta here.
Let's go pack our bags guys.

Thanks, Renee!
'Preciate it.

No, Mark.
We're not going anywhere.

Uh...

[pumping noise]

Yo Hank, can you
turn that thing down?

Oh sorry, Mark.

The doctor said I need to sleep
with an air mattress pump

in my butt for two
weeks to re-inflate.

Mom, can we please leave?
Envy is kinda psycho and

it's like a legit
hurricane outside.

Nope. Sorry, Darren.
We're spending

Labor Day weekend
at our shore-house.

Just like everyone wanted.

Ugh. Alright,
I can't sleep in here.

C'mon, Mark.
I thought you wanted

to have a big sleepover party.

Ha, ha, ha. I'm going to
sleep in the other room.

Hey Dar, uh, you mind, rolling
my legs under the blanket.

Oh yeah. Jackpot.

What. The. Hell?

Welcome to the Googlyverse.
It's hysterical, right?

Yeah... uh... laugh riot.

This is an original cinematic

universe full of
silly characters.

It's sort of like Muppets
meets Pet Sematary.

Are those... uh...
Are those real animals there?

Oh, yes they are.

They passed away, but they
live on here in the Googlyverse.

Oh. Cool.

Thanks, I thought you'd
like it.

You know, one day
I intend to be added

to the Googlyverse in lieu
of traditional burial.

Uh... I'm actually gonna...
go back to my room.

Are you sure? You can sleep
in this bed, if you'd like.

Uh... I- I'm good, thanks.

Alright, everybody pack up.
We're leaving.

Nope. We're not going anywhere.

Alright, Tammy, no, no, no.
We gotta leave, okay.

Ray is a sick freak.

Well, maybe you should have
thought about that before

you told my sister I was
coming here to apologize.

Alright. I admit it.
You were right. Okay?

Sometimes grudges are a
good idea.

Let's go home,
forget about the house,

and never talk to
your family again.

No, Mark. You were right.
Who does she think she is,

just taking over the family
shore house and neglecting it?

I'm not leaving.
She's leaving.

What are we supposed to do?
She's being crazy.

There's only one way to
settle a feud like this, Darren.

We're gonna have to Dr. Phil
our way outta it.

[TV] Looks like tropical
storm Desean has turned

into a Category 2 hurricane.

Here's live footage from
Oceanwood, where Silverfish Pier

has collapsed into the ocean.

Oh, man. That's not good.
Doctor said I should

stay away from any high winds.

[TV] There's massive flooding
across the Jersey Shore and

officials are urging those
who can't evacuate to

stay indoors and to move
to higher ground.

Alright, everyone.
It looks like we're stuck with

each other for now, so
we're gonna hash this out.

It's time to get real.

You both have carried a
lot of pain and

anger of these past 15 years.
And while I'm sure that's

that's been hard on you.

At present, it's way more
annoying for everyone else.

Yeah well,
you try dealing with

Renee's narcissistic,
self-pitying,

manipulative B.S.
your whole life.

How dare you!

I have serious
medical conditions.

Oh, yeah?

Like when you poured ketchup
all over my bed

and said you had
an "explosive period."

Ew.
- Well, maybe you should have

thought about that before
you smeared chocolate into

my American Girl doll's hair.
- I was 10 years old!

You shoulda known!

Alright ladies, let's slow your
goose hens and get the cows

back into the stable, alright?

What?

So Renee,
can you tell us exactly

what Tammy said that's been,
you know,

hounding your hog all
these years?

She said that she didn't
care if I died.

[gasps]
Yo, that's not good.

Yikes. Yo, that's kinda
messed up, Tam.

Isn't that messed up, folks?
It's pretty messed up, right?

Yeah.

Uh... I'm not sure
this is helping.

Well, I'm not gonna to
apologize for telling the truth.

Take some frickin'
responsibility over your life.

- I'm over it.
- Okay, you know what?!

You want to erase me
from your life? Fine.

I guess I'm just a
worthless piece of crap!

So I'm gonna take this worthless
piece of crap out of this

stupid house and don't
ever speak to me again, okay?

Uh, it's a hurricane, hun.

What do you care!?

Oh, she does this sometimes.
She'll be back.

Well folks,
I think we learned a lot today.

When you try and
baptize a chicken,

you're just going to end
up with wet eggs.

Ooh, true.

Oh no!!!
Oh, my God. Reene!

Renee?! You alright down there?

Mom!

Oh boy. I think Renee might
be headed to the Googlyverse.

Oh my God. She can't swim!

? [dramatic]

Just hold tight. I'm sure
someone will see us.

You just saved my life.

Yeah well, you're my sister.

You really think I'm gonna
let you die?

...or at least die alone.

Help!!! Anybody!!!

Mom!

Alright. Alright. Clear out.
Clear out. I'm going in!

No. Stand back.

Frickin' knew it.

Alright, enough of this, okay.
Tam, I'm coming to get ya!

Wait. It's... almost... here...

The hell?

He did it!

It's done.

Whoa.

Welp. If we're
gonna die, there's

something I need
to get off my chest.

You know that whole American
Girl doll thing with

the chocolate?

Well... that wasn't chocolate.

What?

Oh my God!

Oh no.
-Hahaha!

You ain't right!
You ain't right!

I see them!
I see them over here!

Hey, Tammy.
Hey, Renee.

- What?
- Are you kidding me?

Yo, Tam! Check it out!
I'm finally riding the Galleon!

Oh. My. God.

Shiver me timbers yo!
All aboard!

Careful, I got milk wrist.

Well, Tam. Looks like we
learned a valuable lesson today:

Sometimes the rides that
kill people,

are also the ones
that save people.

Uh... guys?

Oh no!
Everybody hold on!

Arggghhhh!

Hell yeah!
Finally!

Okay yep, sounds good.
I'll talk to Mark and see

what he's doing, but I'm sure
he'd love to come.

Hey Darren, wanna go see your
cousin's MMA match next Friday?

I do not.

Darren's excited.

Oh my God.
I gotta go, Renee.

I thought you said this
was just for decoration?

C'mon, Tam. I got the
most epic ride in my backyard.

I can't not ride it!
Alright Artie. Fire it up.

Let's goooo!
Wooooo!

[crash!]

Uh, Mark? Why is there a
ship in my begonias?

- Oh hey, David.

Yo, Jinglebells, you
gotta try the boat, dude!

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