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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
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00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,902
♪ Farm living is the life for me
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♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide
4
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:34,177
♪ Keep Manhattan just
gimme that countryside
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♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
6
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♪ I get allergic smelling hay
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♪ I just adore a penthouse view
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♪ Darling I love you
but give me Park Avenue
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00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:57,467
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
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♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
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♪ Goodbye, city life
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♪ Green Acres we are there
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- Mr. Douglas!
14
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Mr. Douglas!
15
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- What is this?
16
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- The new truck you
ordered from Mr. Haney.
17
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:37,707
- This isn't the truck I bought!
18
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,509
- It's the one he gave me.
19
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,144
- That miserable Haney.
20
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,345
I shoulda known better than to
21
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:46,438
buy anything from...
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- Good morning.
23
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,420
- Mr. Haney.
24
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,523
- I can see by the pleased
expression on your face
25
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,793
how happy you are
with your new truck.
26
00:01:56,817 --> 00:02:00,330
- Mr. Haney this is not the
truck that I bought from you.
27
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,231
- It isn't?
28
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,599
- No.
29
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:03,866
The truck you showed me
30
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,403
and the truck I bought
was almost brand new.
31
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:08,871
- Oh well I couldn't
give ya that truck.
32
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:11,441
See that was a floor sample.
33
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,809
- A floor?
- Now shall we
34
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,277
get down to business?
35
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:17,180
You gave me $200 deposit.
36
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:20,372
So you still owe me
a balance of $250.
37
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,588
- I'm not giving you any $250.
38
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:28,780
- Well then I'm afraid I'll
be forced to take legal steps.
39
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:33,796
- Mr. Haney, if there are
any legal steps to be taken,
40
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,332
I'm the one that's
gonna take 'em,
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00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:38,235
because this time you
made a big mistake.
42
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,358
- Impossible.
43
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,272
- You gave me a bill of sale
44
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:44,574
with the other truck's
motor number on it.
45
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,344
So you're guilty of fraud
and perhaps larceny.
46
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You can go to jail
for what you've done.
47
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:50,780
- To jail?
48
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:54,784
Well rather than have
a dissatisfied customer,
49
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:57,309
I'll return your $100 deposit.
50
00:02:58,745 --> 00:02:59,745
- $200.
51
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,792
- Are you sure?
52
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,428
- I have your receipt.
53
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:09,065
- Well in that case, well
I'll give ya the money.
54
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,833
Here's your.
55
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:15,026
Doggone I must have a hole
in the pocket of my other suit.
56
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:17,774
- Mr. Haney.
57
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I want the money.
58
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,678
- I'll have it here by
the first of the month.
59
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,180
- Now.
60
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:26,616
- Well it'll take a
little longer than that.
61
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,386
- Alright, I'll give ya
'til six o'clock tonight.
62
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,587
- Aw but...
63
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,523
- It's either
that or go to jail.
64
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,560
- Where am I gonna
get that kinda money?
65
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:37,794
- That's your problem.
66
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,919
Come on Eb, let's
get out in the corn.
67
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,055
- $200!
68
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,169
Well I can get the $10 back
69
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,770
that I let my
brother-in-law have
70
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:51,040
for letting me use his
truck as a floor sample.
71
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,566
But the other $190
might not be that easy.
72
00:03:56,136 --> 00:04:00,383
- Why I ever buy anything
from Haney is beyond.
73
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,984
What the?
74
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:04,354
What happened to my corn?
75
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,388
- I don't know.
76
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,090
I never saw it look so good.
77
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,958
- Musta been Colby's cow.
78
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,460
- You mean Irene?
79
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,862
- This is the 2nd time this
week she's trampled my crops.
80
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:16,165
- At least somebody's getting
some enjoyment out of 'em.
81
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,435
- I told Colby
to fix that fence.
82
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,736
- It wouldn't do any good.
83
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,504
She's in love with your bull.
84
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,406
Barbed wire
wouldn't keep her out.
85
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,408
- You know I don't have a bull.
86
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,844
- Then she must
be in love with you.
87
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,078
She's not in love with.
88
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,347
- Uh oh.
89
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,648
Here's your sweetheart.
90
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:32,582
- Out!
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00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,717
- You two wanna be alone.
92
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:34,784
- Eb, will ya stop it.
93
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:35,719
Out, get out.
94
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,254
Out, go on.
95
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:40,323
- Irene, he's trying to tell
ya that the romance is over.
96
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,166
So there you are, Irene.
97
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,536
- Look, Mr. Colby, look
what your cow did to my corn.
98
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,004
- Not Irene.
99
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:59,476
Why I've taught Irene to
tiptoe through a corn field.
100
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,545
- Look, can't you keep your
cow on your side of the fence?
101
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:03,413
- Not unless you fix it.
102
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:04,748
- Why should I fix it?
103
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,283
- 'Cause it's your fence.
104
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,217
- The fence is on
the property line,
105
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,919
it belongs to both of us.
106
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,555
- Looks like the break
was on your side.
107
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:15,392
- The break is on both sides!
108
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,626
- Well if you fix your side,
109
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,861
I won't have to
worry about mine.
110
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,598
- Alright, I'll fix it, but if that
cow breaks through again
111
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:25,234
and does any damage
to my crops I'll, I'll.
112
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,638
Well I wont' be
responsible for my actions.
113
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,340
- You'd better listen
to him Mr. Colby.
114
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:33,242
There's no telling what he'll
do when he gets his riles up.
115
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,599
- Come on Irene.
116
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,814
- Alright Eb, now
let's get some tools
117
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,338
and fix the fence.
118
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,422
- Oh hello there.
119
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,255
- And good morning.
120
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:47,290
My card.
121
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,314
- Thank you.
122
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,766
- Lady.
- Oh, you want your card back.
123
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:57,967
- Madam please.
124
00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,101
My name is Wheeler.
125
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,637
I'm with the
advertising department
126
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:03,005
of the Salt Lake City
salt lick company.
127
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,975
- Oh, I was once
in Salt Lick City.
128
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,511
- No ma'am, that's
Salt Lake City.
129
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,213
We manufacture a salt lick.
130
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:13,316
- Well we're not very
big salt lickers here.
131
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:16,319
- Well maybe you
could tell me something.
132
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:19,389
Do you own that property down
there along the county road?
133
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:20,323
- No.
134
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,491
- Do you know who does?
135
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,581
- My husband.
136
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:27,731
He keeps everything in
his name, except my name.
137
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:28,998
- All I really wanna know is,
138
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,668
would your husband allow
us to put up a billboard
139
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:35,271
advertising our salt lick on
that property along the road?
140
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:36,639
- I don't think so.
141
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,074
- We'd be willing to pay him.
142
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,876
- Well, that wouldn't
make any difference.
143
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,211
He's a real hot head
about billboards.
144
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:46,215
He always said that the
countryside should remain unspoiled.
145
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,451
That if Mother Nature
wanted billboards,
146
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:51,721
she would have
gotten in touch with you.
147
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:52,989
- Well thanks anyway.
148
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:53,923
- You're welcome.
149
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,258
Did you want your card back?
150
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,115
- No, you can have it.
151
00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:05,935
- Well that's good and solid.
152
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,738
The cow won't be able
to get through there again.
153
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,673
- Huh, she won't have to.
154
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:12,764
She found another way in.
155
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,334
- Oh that miserable.
156
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,482
Get out, get out!
157
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,117
Go on, get out!
158
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,152
Look at these tomatoes.
159
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,821
- Yeah, they look better
than they did last year.
160
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,010
- Mr. Kimball.
161
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:28,925
- Yeah, I noticed your
corn field looked better too.
162
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,993
- Look, Mr. Kimball,
we're a little busy.
163
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:32,462
- Hey, you better fix
that hole in the fence
164
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:35,498
or that cow is liable to
go over to Colby's place
165
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:36,933
and cause a lotta damage.
166
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,101
- That's Colby's!
167
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,303
- Well how'd she get in here?
168
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,805
- Through that
hole in the fence!
169
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:44,307
- Boy you oughta fix that.
170
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,909
- Look, I...
- I can't move her.
171
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,611
- That's no way to
try to move a cow.
172
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,648
I took a course in
college on cow moving.
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00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,082
There was one method
that was advocated
174
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,652
by Professor Lucius Feltweiner.
175
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,886
- What was that?
176
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,221
- You get a shotgun
and scare her off.
177
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:01,858
- If I had a shotgun
I think I would.
178
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,225
- Would you like to borrow mine?
179
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,727
- No, I...
- I took another course
180
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:05,995
in college that might work.
181
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,931
Animal psychology.
182
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,332
- Look, Mr. Kimball.
183
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,733
You're just wasting our...
- What's her name?
184
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:11,568
- Irene.
185
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,592
- Irene huh?
186
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:17,095
My dear, I would
like to talk to ya.
187
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:21,578
You understand?
188
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,622
- Holy hole in the fence.
189
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,591
Did you see that?
190
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,593
- What did you say to her?
191
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:37,927
- Well I told her you said
192
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,362
that if she didn't
get out of here
193
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:43,454
you were gonna borrow my
shotgun and blow her head off.
194
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,569
- Goodbye Mr. Kimball.
195
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,160
- Oh, well goodbye Mr. Douglas.
196
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:55,845
- How come you're so dirty?
197
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,113
- Huh? Oh!
- We were fixing the fence
198
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,649
to keep Mr. Douglas'
girlfriend out.
199
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:00,817
- Oh?
200
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,351
- Her name is Irene.
201
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,253
And she's in love with him.
202
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,722
- She's a cow.
203
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,524
- Well that's a nice
way to talk about a girl
204
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,025
who's in love with you.
205
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,093
- He's an 18 karat cad.
206
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,829
- She's Mr. Colby's cow.
207
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,397
And she keeps
breaking down the fence
208
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,232
and trampling my crops.
209
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,635
And if she does
it once more, I'll...
210
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:19,569
- You'll what?
211
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,103
- He'll blow her head off.
212
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,338
- Eb will you?
213
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,140
- He's gonna borrow
Mr. Kimball's shotgun.
214
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,474
- That's enough Eb.
215
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,375
- But.
216
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,011
- Just run along.
217
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,035
- Yes sir.
218
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,415
- Well you certainly
are a hot head.
219
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,783
- I am not a hot head.
220
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,018
- Well then why did
you want to borrow
221
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,087
Mr. Kimball's shot
gun to shoost the cow?
222
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:40,523
- I didn't want to borrow it.
223
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,425
- Here's the shotgun you
wanted to borrow Mr. Douglas.
224
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,927
- But.
- Well!
225
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:46,195
If I ever saw anybody with
a guilty look on their face.
226
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:49,298
And a shotgun in
their hand, that is you.
227
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,232
- Look, I didn't...
228
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,168
- Mr. Douglas, Mr. Douglas.
229
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,636
Guess who broke down the fence
230
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:56,138
and is in your apple orchard
eating all your apples?
231
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,807
- Oh that miserable.
232
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,508
Well I'll fix her.
233
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:00,710
- Oh Oliver, don't do it.
234
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,734
Don't do it!
235
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,683
- We'll put the billboard
up right over there Phil.
236
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,184
- This side would be
better Mr. Wheeler.
237
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,053
- No that property
belongs to a hot head
238
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,520
who doesn't like billboards.
239
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,024
- Oh, well we don't wanna
tango with another one of them.
240
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,993
Remember the farmer
that took his shotgun to us?
241
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,127
- Vividly.
242
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:21,330
Come on, let's unload the truck.
243
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,932
- Irene I warned you.
244
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,634
Now get outta here.
245
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:25,658
Go on, out!
246
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:29,672
- Was that a shotgun?
247
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,974
- Yeah and it's coming
from the direction
248
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,842
of the hot head's farm.
249
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,377
Will you get outta here?
250
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:37,780
- We're going, we're going.
251
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,248
Let's get moving.
252
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:50,559
- Irene, what would it
take to make you go home?
253
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,787
I'm sorry, but I'm married.
254
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:09,812
- I think it's a good idea
for you to talk to Mr. Colby.
255
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,749
With your husband running
around with a loaded shotgun.
256
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:16,941
- Oh I don't think that
Mr. Douglas would shoot anybody.
257
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,211
- Uh oh.
258
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:25,762
Holy smoke.
259
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,396
- What is it?
260
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,898
- Irene.
261
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,489
- Why is she sleeping this way?
262
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,603
- She ain't sleeping.
263
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:35,938
- You mean she.
264
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,674
- As a doornail.
265
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,309
Mr. Douglas finally did it.
266
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,333
- Oliver.
267
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,013
Oliver how could you?
268
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,138
- Stay here.
269
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:53,679
Holy toledo.
270
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,528
- Is the cow really...
271
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,720
- She died a grade A death.
272
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,901
I guess she went out
the way she wanted to.
273
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:07,170
With her cream on top.
274
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:09,438
Boy if Mr. Colby
finds out about this,
275
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,808
he's gonna come
gunning for Mr. Douglas.
276
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,264
- What can we do?
277
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,249
- May I be of assistance?
278
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:23,720
- Mr. Douglas shot
Irene in a fit of rage.
279
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:26,310
- Your husband is a cow killer?
280
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,791
- What can we do?
281
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:31,560
Mr. Colby might
shoost my husband.
282
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,753
- Let me examine
the corpus delicious.
283
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,100
It's a dud.
284
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:54,839
Maybe there's some way
I can parlay this into $190.
285
00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,722
- Well Mr. Haney?
286
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:04,026
- It's Irene alright and
she's beyond morsel help.
287
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,062
- Oh the poor thing.
288
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:09,165
- But at a time like this,
we must think of the living,
289
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,867
namely Mr. Douglas.
290
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:13,936
And how to protect him
from Mr. Colby's wrath.
291
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,437
- Yeah.
292
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,007
- Now you two go home and
act as if nothing had happened.
293
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:21,744
And I'll get rid of the
rigor before mortise sets in.
294
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,612
- How much is that
gonna cost Mr. Haney?
295
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,250
- Let's not discuss
money at a time like this.
296
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,852
- Oh that's very kind of you.
297
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:32,977
- Oh I'll be around
later for my $50.
298
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,434
- Why are you staring at me?
299
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,636
- It's the first time I've
been this close to a killer.
300
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,306
It's a little frightening.
301
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,274
- What is he?
302
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,276
- Oh Oliver, oh Oliver.
303
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,410
Why did you do it?
304
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,034
Why, why, why, why?
305
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:01,583
- Have you been taking
Joan Crawford lessons?
306
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,719
- Just like pretty boy Floyd.
307
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,354
He's gonna brazen it out.
308
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,057
- Eb, take this gun
back to Mr. Kimball.
309
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,292
- Oh no.
310
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:10,793
You're not gonna get
my fingerprints on it.
311
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,362
I ain't gonna take
the rap for ya.
312
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,831
- What?
313
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:18,434
- You should be ashamed of
yourself, trying to frame him.
314
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:22,004
- You two haven't been at
the antifreeze again have you?
315
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,173
- Oliver, why did you do it?
316
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,674
Why, why, why?
317
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,645
- Will ya stop with the
vi vi and tell me vat vat?
318
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:32,337
- You shot Irene that's vat vat.
319
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,318
- You're outta your mind.
320
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:38,321
- No Oliver, you're the
one that's out of your mind.
321
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,089
That's how we're
going to get you off.
322
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:44,327
You're going to plead
temporary insanitation.
323
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,195
- Yeah there's always been
324
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,965
a streak of insanitation
in my family.
325
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,867
- Oh but don't worry Oliver.
326
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,556
I will stick by you.
327
00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:55,537
- Lisa, I appreciate
your loyalty,
328
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,341
but I did not kill
Mr. Colby's cow.
329
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,509
- You fired the
shotgun, didn't you?
330
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,078
- In the air, straight up.
331
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,479
- That's the way we found her,
332
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:07,350
with her legs in
the air, straight up.
333
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,951
- Lisa I did not...
334
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:11,220
- Anyway Oliver, you
don't have to worry.
335
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,222
We got rid of her.
336
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,179
- Thank you, very much.
337
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:22,053
- Boy, there goes a
real coup cow killer.
338
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:29,805
- Well I know that you and
Irene were very good friends.
339
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,274
- Mrs. Douglas.
340
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:32,875
- Oh Mr. Haney.
341
00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:35,044
- Is the killer around?
342
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:38,881
- No he's out in the apple
orchard fixing a fence.
343
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,383
- Good.
344
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:44,586
You'll be happy to know I
took care of that little matter.
345
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,324
I gave her a nice service,
dignified but simple.
346
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,181
Now may I have my $75?
347
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,195
- I thought you said $50.
348
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,564
- Well I figured you'd
want an organist.
349
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,600
- Well I don't have
the money with me.
350
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,491
- A check will be fine.
351
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,539
- Well thank you.
352
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:06,075
- Oh, if you don't mind,
just make it out to cash.
353
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,176
- Who's he?
354
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,444
- Uh, he's the organist.
355
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,468
Ogden Cash.
356
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,714
- There you are.
357
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:15,051
- 'Course we're not
outta the woods yet.
358
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:15,952
- We're not?
359
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,186
- No ma'am.
360
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,988
Mr. Colby hasn't
missed Irene yet.
361
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:21,557
And when he does, he'll
know what's happened
362
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,460
and he'll come a
gunning for your husband.
363
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,095
- What can we do?
364
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,030
What, what, what?
365
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:31,000
- That's one of the finest
impressions I've ever seen
366
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,935
of Joan Crawford.
367
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,437
- Thank you.
368
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:37,073
- Now the only way to keep
Colby from missing Irene
369
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:40,176
is to replace her
with another cow.
370
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:44,580
You wouldn't happen to
have a cow would you?
371
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,148
- Well just Eleanor.
372
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,583
But I can't give her up.
373
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,185
I couldn't do that to her.
374
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,320
- Well either you
do it to Eleanor
375
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,890
or Mr. Colby'll do
it to your husband.
376
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,847
- Oh I'm sorry Eleanor.
377
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:02,865
- Now if you will just make
me out another check for $15.
378
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:04,333
- What is that for?
379
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,003
- Transporting
Eleanor over to Colby's.
380
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,971
Now normally
there'd be no charge,
381
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:12,975
but unfortunately I'm
driving a unionized truck.
382
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:13,999
- Oh, well.
383
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:24,086
- But I don't need a cow.
384
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,989
- All I'm asking for is $100.
385
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,425
- And I wouldn't
give you $35 for her.
386
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:30,449
- Sold, $35.
387
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:33,896
- What's the matter with her?
388
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,364
Dried up?
389
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:39,402
- Colby, I resent you casting
nasturtiums on my honesty.
390
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,103
- Why are you so
anxious to sell her?
391
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:44,473
- Well I'm having a
gigantic cow clearance sale.
392
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,075
I'm getting rid of all my cows
393
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:51,047
to make room for a flock of
sheep I'm considering buying.
394
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,648
$35 eh?
395
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:53,904
You got a deal.
396
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:15,971
- Oh, Mr. Haney.
397
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:19,075
- Is the moo moo
murderer at home?
398
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,076
- No.
399
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,544
He went to Drucker's.
400
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:25,414
- Probably to get a tranquilizer
for his jagged nerves.
401
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,650
- No, he went
to get a fertilizer.
402
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:32,555
- Well that'll take the edge
off of a jagged nerve too.
403
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,890
- Anyway, I brought it over.
404
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,058
- Brought what over?
405
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,082
- Follow me.
406
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,996
I'm sorry it took so long.
407
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:42,531
- What took so long?
408
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:47,236
- Having Irene stuffed and
mounted as per your order.
409
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:50,428
Ain't that a work
of taxidermical art?
410
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,543
- Yes, but I didn't order it.
411
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,245
That wasn't your
voice on the phone
412
00:18:56,269 --> 00:19:00,116
saying to have Irene stuffed
and mounted for $100?
413
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,883
- No, it wasn't.
414
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:04,886
- Perhaps it was your $50 voice?
415
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:07,323
- Well why would I want
to have Irene stuffed?
416
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:11,893
- As an object lesson to your
husband to curb his temper.
417
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,663
By having this
stuffed version of Irene
418
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,666
in such a prominent
place as your bedroom,
419
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:22,338
it will serve as a constant
reminder of his dastardly deed.
420
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:26,609
And I guarantee that he'll
never kill another cow again.
421
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:29,111
- Well, if it help to
curve his temper,
422
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,368
it's worth $25.
423
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:35,851
- Uh, I believe the last
figure mentioned was $50.
424
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,387
- $35 is the highest.
425
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:41,223
- Make it $45 and
you've bought yourself
426
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,825
a stuffed constant reminder.
427
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,229
- Alright, you put it in the
barn and I'll get your money.
428
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:49,565
- Mr. Douglas, this
ain't gonna work.
429
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:50,832
- Why not?
430
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:54,270
Something's broken,
you tie splints to it.
431
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,206
- Boy you've really blown
your mind since you...
432
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,274
- Since I what?
433
00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,675
- Since you.
434
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,143
Holy smoke.
435
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,167
Look!
436
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,384
It's the ghost of Irene
come to haunt you.
437
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:09,485
- What?
438
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:10,319
- Haunt him.
439
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,676
He did it to ya.
440
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,257
But I tell ya it was
the ghost of Irene.
441
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:18,026
- How can it be the ghost of
Irene when the ghost of Irene
442
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,818
is in the barn,
in there stuffed?
443
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,137
- Where did you get this?
444
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,639
- I bought it from Mr. Haney.
445
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,508
He had it stuffed for me.
446
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:33,842
- This ain't Irene.
447
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,177
This is a phony.
448
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:36,478
- Are you sure?
449
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,547
- Yeah, look what
it says right here.
450
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,684
Property of the Salt Lake
City salt lick company
451
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,219
advertising department.
452
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,753
- I should've known better.
453
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:47,856
Mr. Douglas never
could shoost anybody.
454
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,092
- He might start now when
he finds out about all the money
455
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,027
you gave Mr. Haney.
456
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,597
- Well maybe we
better not say anything.
457
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,098
- It's okay with me,
458
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:58,133
but how are you gonna
explain where Eleanor is?
459
00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:00,302
- Oh, I forgot all about her.
460
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:03,004
You go over to Mr. Colby
and get her back.
461
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:03,839
- Okay.
462
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,374
What about stuffy?
463
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:07,776
- Well I have to find out
a way to get rid of her
464
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,234
before Mr. Douglas gets back.
465
00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:16,118
- Looking for something?
466
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:18,887
- Yes, we had a stuffed
cow on top of our truck
467
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,789
and it fell off along
here somewhere.
468
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:21,624
- Have you seen it?
469
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,492
- Well that all depends.
470
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,182
Is there any reward?
471
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,396
- $10.
472
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:28,753
- Don't go away.
473
00:21:32,325 --> 00:21:34,370
May I be of assistance?
474
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:35,771
- Mr. Haney.
475
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,873
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
476
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:38,707
- Why?
477
00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:39,642
What did I do?
478
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:41,143
- Starting from the beginning.
479
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:44,480
You made me think that my
husband was a cow shooster.
480
00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:47,449
Then you charge me to
get rid of the evidence.
481
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:50,753
And then you charge me
again for this stuffed phony and...
482
00:21:50,777 --> 00:21:52,688
- You haven't told your
husband, have you?
483
00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:54,222
- No, and I better not.
484
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:58,594
Otherwise we'll have a
stuffed Mr. Haney around here.
485
00:21:58,618 --> 00:22:01,497
- You'd better get rid of this
before Mr. Douglas sees it.
486
00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:03,766
- Well that was I
was trying to do.
487
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,867
- Let me take it
off of your hands.
488
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:07,903
- How much will that cost?
489
00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:09,371
- Nothing!
490
00:22:09,395 --> 00:22:11,395
Just a $10 trucking fee.
491
00:22:12,598 --> 00:22:14,710
- I like nothing better.
492
00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:16,779
- But...
- Nothing!
493
00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:20,849
- Very well, I'll do it
as an act of mercy.
494
00:22:20,873 --> 00:22:22,484
- Yep, this is it.
495
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:23,419
- Good.
496
00:22:23,443 --> 00:22:25,754
May I have the $20 reward?
497
00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:27,088
- I said $10.
498
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:28,357
- Oh that's correct.
499
00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:30,826
But I had to pay $10
outta my own pocket
500
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:32,361
to the folks that found it.
501
00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:36,465
Because they had
become so attached to it.
502
00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:38,367
- Alright, here's your $20.
503
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:39,768
- Good.
504
00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:41,291
This should do it.
505
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:43,928
- Eb, Eb!
506
00:22:44,897 --> 00:22:45,808
- What's the matter?
507
00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:47,075
- Eleanor's missing.
508
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:49,277
- Well then why are
you calling for Eb?
509
00:22:49,301 --> 00:22:51,046
- Do you know where she is?
510
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:53,749
- What does she look like?
511
00:22:53,773 --> 00:22:56,151
- Are you stalling me?
512
00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:57,986
Where is Eleanor?
513
00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:01,423
- The question is
where is Eleanor?
514
00:23:01,447 --> 00:23:02,524
- Here she is.
515
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:03,525
- There she is.
516
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,661
Does that answer your question?
517
00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:07,963
- Eb, where've you been?
518
00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:09,865
- Oh we were jogging.
519
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:10,889
- Jogging?
520
00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:13,123
Let me have her.
521
00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:16,672
- You owe Mr. Colby $35.
522
00:23:16,696 --> 00:23:18,173
- $35!
523
00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:21,009
- What was that about $35?
524
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:22,611
- Who said that?
525
00:23:22,635 --> 00:23:23,779
- You did.
526
00:23:23,803 --> 00:23:25,614
- I didn't hear it.
527
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:26,849
- Eb.
528
00:23:26,873 --> 00:23:28,784
Take Eleanor to the
barn and milk her.
529
00:23:28,808 --> 00:23:29,808
- Yes sir.
530
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:35,223
- Lisa, what's going on?
531
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:36,892
You two've been
acting funny all day.
532
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:39,016
First you accuse me of...
533
00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:42,898
- Mr. Douglas, Mr. Douglas.
534
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,132
- It's five to six,
535
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:46,468
I suppose you've come
to ask for an extension.
536
00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:47,636
- No sir.
537
00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:50,160
I have come to
give you your $200.
538
00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,876
If you'll count it please.
539
00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:55,644
- Where did you
get all this money?
540
00:23:55,668 --> 00:23:56,945
- Oh I picked it up.
541
00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:59,047
A little here
and a little there.
542
00:23:59,071 --> 00:24:00,203
- Mostly here.
543
00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,452
- Satisfied?
544
00:24:03,476 --> 00:24:04,352
- No.
545
00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:06,789
There's only $195 here.
546
00:24:06,813 --> 00:24:08,323
You're $5 short.
547
00:24:08,347 --> 00:24:09,925
- I am?
548
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:14,095
Somewhere along the line I
didn't charge somebody enough.
549
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,232
Surely you'll trust
me for the other $5.
550
00:24:17,256 --> 00:24:20,335
- Mr. Haney, I've put up with
enough of your shenanigans.
551
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,003
This time I'm gonna
teach you a lesson.
552
00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:23,527
I want the $5 now.
553
00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:26,708
- Well I haven't got it.
554
00:24:26,732 --> 00:24:30,901
But I could tell you a $5
story about a stuffed cow.
555
00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:33,348
- Nevermind Mr. Haney.
556
00:24:33,372 --> 00:24:35,350
Here's your $5.
557
00:24:35,374 --> 00:24:36,374
- Thank you.
558
00:24:38,778 --> 00:24:40,622
- Why did you give him the $5?
559
00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:43,091
- Well I heard the
stuffed cow story
560
00:24:43,115 --> 00:24:44,860
and I don't think
you would've liked it.
561
00:25:27,727 --> 00:25:31,896
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.
36704
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