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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
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♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
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00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:30,007
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
4
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:34,144
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
5
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:37,914
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
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00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:42,085
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
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00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:45,788
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
8
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♪ Dah-ling I love you
but give me Park Avenue
9
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:57,300
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
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00:00:57,324 --> 00:01:00,003
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
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♪ Good bye, city life
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00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,464
♪ Green Acres we are there
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- What are you looking for?
14
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:18,688
- My dress shirt.
15
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,657
- Oh, that's in the D drawer.
16
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:21,681
A, B, C, D.
17
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:24,749
Here you are.
18
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,197
- That's a dress.
19
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,132
- Well, what are
you looking for?
20
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,667
- My dress shirt.
21
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:33,192
- Oh, that is in the S drawer.
22
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,772
- Which one is the S drawer?
23
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,107
- Well, look in the I drawer,
24
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:39,742
that's where I keep
my information.
25
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,745
Now why can't I come
to the dinner with you?
26
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,748
- Because it's for the County
Bar Association, no women.
27
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,317
Just men.
28
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:51,221
- Oh, it's going to be one
of those kinds of things.
29
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:54,224
- No, it's not one of
those kind of things.
30
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,325
- Well couldn't I just go along
31
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,394
and just listen to your speech?
32
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,762
- I'm afraid it'll
be very boring.
33
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,698
- Well, I find all
your speeches boring
34
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,634
but I still like to
listen to them.
35
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,668
- Oh, that's very...
36
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,170
- What are you gonna talk about?
37
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:10,940
- Oh, society's obligation
of reformed convict.
38
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,111
In my opinion...
- Hold it, Charlie!
39
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:15,278
- What?
40
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,647
- What do you
think you're doing?
41
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,316
- I'm gonna put my pants on.
42
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:22,319
- Not in front me, you're not.
43
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,488
- Lisa, we're married.
44
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:29,126
- For better or worse but
not for putting on your pants.
45
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,650
- All right then, turn around.
46
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:37,667
- Why did you pick the
subject of reformed convict?
47
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,503
- Because it's important.
48
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,505
It's seems that all
society cares about
49
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,173
is putting a man in jail,
50
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:47,366
they don't care about what
happens to him after he gets out.
51
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:49,879
You can turn around now.
52
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,949
- I didn't hear the zipper.
53
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,406
- I had it oiled.
54
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,255
- I wish I could go with you.
55
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,011
- Yeah so do I but...
56
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:03,092
Did you see my cummerbund?
57
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,384
- No, I had my back turned.
58
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:15,405
- May I have your
attention please?
59
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,839
We're running a little late
60
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,941
but while the waiters
take your dessert order,
61
00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:21,344
I'll introduce our guest
speaker for the evening.
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00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,812
- What do you
have for dessert, sir?
63
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,382
- He will address us this
evening on the subject
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00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:28,885
of society's obligation
to the released convict.
65
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,320
- What'll be sir?
66
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,722
Rice pudding, canned
peaches, or stewed prunes?
67
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,391
- Will you give a warm welcome
68
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:37,360
to Mr. Oliver Wendell Douglas?
69
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,361
- Peaches.
70
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,629
Douglas.
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00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:43,733
- Sir, I'll put you down
for the stewed prunes.
72
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:44,568
- It's fine, fine.
73
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,358
Thank you, thank you.
74
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:48,595
Mr. Kelsey.
75
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,430
Stewed members, uh...
76
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:57,880
Distinguished members of
the County Prune Associ...
77
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,274
Of the County Bar Association.
78
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,756
When a man has committed a crime
79
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,192
and the gates have
closed behind him,
80
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:13,184
we on the outside...
81
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:18,268
It is up to us as attorneys
or more importantly
82
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:21,771
as human being to see that
they are given the opportunity
83
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,207
to make a new start in life.
84
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,876
We have got to give
them jobs in our offices,
85
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,235
our shops, our stores,
and on our farms.
86
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:34,884
They have paid
their debt to society.
87
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:38,388
Now let society
pay it's debt to them.
88
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,224
I thank...
89
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,825
I thank you.
90
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,465
Sorry, I didn't realized
I had talked so long.
91
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,634
- Right through
the stewed prunes.
92
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:51,534
- What?
93
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:52,791
- You blew 'em.
94
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:57,307
- You blew the stewed prunes.
95
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,909
- Well, I guess I got
wound up in my subject.
96
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,146
As I pointed out, these
men have made a mistake.
97
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,881
They go to jail to pay for it.
98
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,883
When they come
out, they need help.
99
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,385
I think we should all...
100
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:12,455
- Are you starting with
that pants business again?
101
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,556
- I'm getting undressed.
102
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,057
- Living with you is like living
103
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,416
in one of those nudie films.
104
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,664
- Look, close your eyes.
105
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:24,167
What I said was just because
a man had made a mistake
106
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,769
and gone to jail for it,
107
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:29,339
when he comes out, he
needs all the help he can get.
108
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,874
Just because a
man is an ex-convict,
109
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:33,476
people shy away from him.
110
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,411
They won't give him a job.
111
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,446
They won't accept him socially.
112
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,515
Before you know it,
he has no choice left
113
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,850
but to return to
a life of crime.
114
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,819
Lisa, you can open your eyes.
115
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,481
Lisa.
116
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,720
Well, I've done it again.
117
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:00,670
Oh, good morning.
118
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,239
- Have you got your pants on?
119
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,808
- Yes.
120
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,264
- All right then.
121
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,011
- What's for breakfast?
122
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,448
- Would you like me to make
you some harmony grits?
123
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,472
- Harmony?
124
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,452
No, just some corn flakes.
125
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,476
- Yes sir.
126
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,157
How do you want them?
127
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,748
Scrabbled or fried?
128
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,194
- Just pour them in a bowl.
129
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,397
- Oh, you want them raw.
130
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:28,421
- Yeah, raw.
131
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,801
- Mr. Douglas.
132
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,302
You're famous.
133
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,738
- What do you mean?
134
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:35,972
- They printed the
speech you made last night
135
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,374
in the County Seat Paper.
136
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:38,908
- What page is in on?
137
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,767
- One, two, three,
four, and five.
138
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:43,980
- What?
139
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,147
- That's only half of it.
140
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:46,282
They couldn't
print the other half
141
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,985
because the
reporter fell asleep.
142
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,721
Look Eb.
143
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:52,756
Who's that?
144
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:53,945
- I'll get it.
145
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,296
Oh, hello there.
146
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,564
- Hi.
147
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,000
Does Oliver Winkle
Douglas live here?
148
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,636
- Oh, the only Oliver Winkle
Douglas who lives here
149
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,337
is called Wendall.
150
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:09,361
- Oh.
151
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,877
Oh yeah, yeah.
152
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,379
I don't see too good
without my glasses.
153
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:17,447
- Neither do I.
154
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,282
That's why I never wear them.
155
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,717
Who would like to come in?
156
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:21,951
- Thank you.
157
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,185
- Oliver.
158
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,221
Oliver, there's a
man here to see you.
159
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,088
- Oh?
160
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,323
You wanted to see me?
161
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,992
- Yeah, my name
is Willie Dunhill.
162
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:32,161
I read the speech
you gave last night.
163
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:35,998
Did you mean all that stuff
you said about helping ex-cons?
164
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,668
- Oh, I'm not in the habit of
saying things I don't mean.
165
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,502
- Good.
166
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,504
When do I go to work?
167
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:42,672
- What?
168
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,441
- He said when
does he go to work.
169
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:45,675
- Yes, I heard him.
170
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,144
- Well then why did
you say what for?
171
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,168
- Because...
172
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:52,248
Are you an...
- I just got out.
173
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,149
- Got of what?
174
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,584
- A stir, lady.
175
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,920
- What's a stir lady?
176
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,788
- He means he was in prison.
177
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,745
- Well, isn't that nice?
178
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,828
- What's nice about it?
179
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:05,895
What were you in for?
180
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,018
- Which time?
181
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,600
Well, how about the job?
182
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,034
I really can't use any...
183
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:15,472
- Oh then, your whole
speech was malarkey.
184
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:18,240
- When did you learn
how to speak malarkey?
185
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,109
I didn't.
186
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:23,012
Look, I'd gladly
give you a job here
187
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,881
but this is a farm.
188
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,749
You have to know
something about farming.
189
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,284
- Well, farming is my racket.
190
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,019
This last stretch
I did they put me
191
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,588
to work on a prison farm.
192
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,790
I learned all about adjiculture.
193
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,291
- That's what we
need around here
194
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:38,795
is somebody who knows
something about adjiculture.
195
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,531
- What we need around here is
someone who can pronounce it.
196
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,265
- I'm trying to go straight.
197
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,067
And if I don't get a job...
198
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:48,270
- All right, I'll try you out
for a couple of weeks.
199
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:49,772
See how you work out.
200
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:52,208
- That's the same deal he
gave me when we got married.
201
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,232
- Lisa.
202
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,645
Have you got some work clothes?
203
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,313
- Just these.
204
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,582
- I'm talking to Willie.
205
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:01,117
- In my suitcase.
206
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,853
- Uh-huh, well, you share our
hired hand's room in the barn.
207
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,154
Now why don't you go change.
208
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,689
We'll put you to
work right away.
209
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,892
- I'd appreciate it if
you won't tell anybody
210
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,359
that I'm an ex-con.
211
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,095
The minute people find
out that you was in stir,
212
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:15,532
they look at you as if you
were some kind of freak
213
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,465
or something.
214
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,434
- Oh, that's all right with me.
215
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,336
You've paid your
debt to society.
216
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,739
Look, we'll forget your past.
217
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,841
Nobody ever needs to
know you were in prison.
218
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:25,865
- Thanks.
219
00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:31,347
- Honey, this is a nice
thing you are doing.
220
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,650
Now if you just learn
to take your pants off
221
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,575
in the bathroom,
you'll be perfect.
222
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,051
- Willie?
223
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,263
Oh.
- Ready to go to work.
224
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,365
- All right, the first thing...
225
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,533
What are you wearing?
226
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:51,768
- My work clothes.
227
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,203
These are what I
wore on the prison farm.
228
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:57,506
- Well, if you don't want
people to know about your past,
229
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,275
I wouldn't wear those.
230
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,243
- I ain't got anything else.
231
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,936
- I'll go into Drucker's
and buy you some...
232
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:09,819
- Hi Mr. Douglas.
233
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,776
I just dropped by to...
234
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,013
Oh boy.
235
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,725
Can I talk to you a minute?
236
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,961
- Yes, what's the matter?
237
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,428
- Don't look now
238
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,831
but there's an escaped
convict standing right back of ya.
239
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:24,533
- Mr...
- Act nonchalant.
240
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,638
- Mr. Kimball.
241
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,239
He's not an escaped convict.
242
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,775
He was in prison,
he's been released.
243
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,376
I hired him.
244
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:38,414
- Does he know anything
about adjiculture?
245
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,949
- Willie.
246
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,785
Willie, this is our county
agent, Mr. Hank Kimball.
247
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:46,255
He's with the
Department of Adji...
248
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,190
Department of Agriculture.
249
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:49,726
- How do you do?
250
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,260
- Hey, I used to read a
lot of your farm bulletins
251
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,495
when I was in stir.
252
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,796
- Did you ever read
the bulletin we put out
253
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:57,734
called How to Control
the Meadow Spittlebug?
254
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:58,567
- No.
255
00:10:58,591 --> 00:10:59,869
- Well, don't bother.
256
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,370
We're gonna make
a picture out of it.
257
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,304
- What?
258
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,740
- Yeah, MGM just bought it.
259
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,942
Boy, I hope they put
Debbie Reynolds in it.
260
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,398
She'd be perfect.
261
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,880
- He reminds me of a
cellmate I had in Joliet,
262
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,170
Crazy Cronkite.
263
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,518
- Willie, why don't you see
264
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,553
if Mrs. Douglas needs some
help around the house, huh?
265
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:18,910
- Right, warden.
266
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,224
- When did they
make you the warden?
267
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:23,159
- I'm not...
268
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,360
- Boy, wait til I tell the chief
269
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,295
that I'ce met an honest
to goodness ex-con.
270
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,731
- Oh, I'd prefer that
you didn't tell anybody
271
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,366
that you met Willie.
272
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,600
- Why not?
273
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,969
- You know how people
are, they're prejudiced.
274
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,470
- Well not me.
275
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:37,273
Boy, some of my best
friends are ex-cons.
276
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,876
Well, not some
of my best friends.
277
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:43,279
Although, I guess my brother
was one of my best friends.
278
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,981
- Your brother was an ex-con?
279
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,916
- Yeah, I wish you
wouldn't mention it.
280
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,819
You know how
prejudiced people are.
281
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,321
- I'll keep your secret
if you keep mine.
282
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:53,678
- That's a deal.
283
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,826
What is your secret?
284
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,561
- Ask my hairdresser.
285
00:11:58,585 --> 00:11:59,585
- Oh.
286
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,365
What's your hairdresser's name?
287
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,267
- You'll find it in
the phone book.
288
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,726
- Oh gee, thanks Mr. Douglas.
289
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:13,843
- After I got out of Joliet,
I wanted to go straight
290
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:17,279
so I got this job in a
bank as a night janitor.
291
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:18,848
And I was coming
to work one night
292
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,550
and I thought I wonder
if anybody ever thinks
293
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,821
of cleaning the money
so I opened the vault
294
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,923
and I started dusting it
295
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:31,116
and all the bells start
ringing all over the place.
296
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,898
And for that, they give
me 10 to 20 in Alcatraz.
297
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,189
- Just for being Mr. Clean?
298
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:42,004
- Well, it really wasn't
too bad on the rock.
299
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,906
We had a great basketball team.
300
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,242
Al Capone, Frank Nitti,
301
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,377
Big John Dillinger,
and Doug Schultz.
302
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,312
We was friends for life.
303
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:54,250
And that's what most
of 'em were doing.
304
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:59,021
- Friends that you make in
school are the ones that last.
305
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:00,589
- Yeah, yeah.
306
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,424
I kind of miss them guys.
307
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,626
Hi.
308
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,362
- Cheese it, here's
the head screw.
309
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:07,897
- Oh, hi warden.
310
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,665
Oh now, stop calling me...
311
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:10,532
Look, here are your clothes.
312
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:12,101
Go change.
313
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,771
Lisa, did you... What?
314
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,839
- Permission to leave.
315
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:19,842
- You don't have to
ask permission to leave.
316
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,277
- Just an old habit.
317
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,579
You know after being
inside for over 40 years.
318
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,047
- Try to forget it, huh?
319
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:25,982
- Thank you.
320
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,151
- Do you know he's famous?
321
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,175
- Him?
322
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,755
- You've heard of the
bird man of Alcatraz.
323
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:36,192
He's the mushroom
man of Sam Quentin.
324
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,161
- San Quentin.
325
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:40,462
What do you mean
the mushroom man?
326
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:43,232
- Well, one day he
was digging this tunnel,
327
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,701
he snuck his head through
the hole in the ground,
328
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,204
and the guard knew
he wasn't a gopher
329
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:51,874
so they threw him
in solitary refinement
330
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,309
- Confinement.
331
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,145
- Wherever he was,
it was damp and dark
332
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:59,081
and there were mushrooms
growing all around the wall.
333
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,650
Well he didn't have anything
else to do so he studied them.
334
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,752
He's going to write
a book about it.
335
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:04,954
- Oh, fine.
336
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,823
- He's got an idea
for another book too.
337
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:09,625
Where he's giving crook lessons.
338
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,093
- Crook lessons?
339
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,628
- Yes, he showed
me some of them.
340
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,897
How to open a
lock without a key.
341
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,465
How to open blow a safe.
342
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,868
And how to pock pickets.
343
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,303
- No, not pock pickets.
344
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,603
Pick pockets.
345
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:23,405
- Well whatever they call it.
346
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,864
Do you want your wallet back?
347
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,305
I wonder if he'll squeal
to the fuzz on me.
348
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,821
- Hiya Marty.
349
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:42,091
I want you to meet Willie
Dunhill, my new cellmate.
350
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,359
- Let's get to work.
351
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,560
- Yes sir.
352
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,795
- What do you want me to do?
353
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,564
- Weed this corn.
354
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,699
- Which is the corn?
355
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,501
- Well, this is.
356
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,237
I thought you worked
on a prison farm.
357
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:58,040
- Well I did but we
never grew junk like this.
358
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,230
- Nobody does.
359
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,510
- Eb!
360
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,412
- These stalks are
planted too close together.
361
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:07,316
And this soil would
be better for beans.
362
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,550
- He's right.
363
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,752
You oughta do
a stretch in prison
364
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:12,288
and learn something
about farming.
365
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,290
- Eb, just get started, will ya?
366
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,314
- Yes sir.
367
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,295
- What are you waiting for?
368
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,763
- Oh, we never started working
369
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:23,465
until the head screw
blew the whistle.
370
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:25,201
- I haven't got a whistle.
371
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:26,657
Just get to work.
372
00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:33,999
Now what?
373
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,913
- I know this is silly
but I'd work better
374
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:40,182
if you'd stand over
me with a shotgun.
375
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,550
- Look, you're not in prison.
376
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,685
You don't need all
those fancy trappings.
377
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:45,944
Now let's just get started.
378
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,899
- Mr. Haney, what are you doing?
379
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:59,924
- Installing your
$50 burglar alarm.
380
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,339
- What do I need
a burglar alarm for?
381
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,875
- Well, you have a burglar
living here, don't you?
382
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,644
- He's not...
- Will you hold this please?
383
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,316
Ooh!
384
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:14,550
- Thank you.
385
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:18,076
I never can tell which
one has the electricity.
386
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,523
- Here, take this.
387
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:25,716
- Mr. Douglas, you just
ruined a $400 burglar alarm.
388
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:28,965
- I thought you said it was $50.
389
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,166
- I'll take it.
390
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,101
- I don't want it.
391
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:35,771
- $50 is a small enough
price to pay for protection
392
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:39,964
unless you wanna rent a
$30 Haney safe deposit box.
393
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,979
- No, I don't want to.
394
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,281
- Are you just gonna
leave your wife's jewels
395
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,750
and baubles lying around
within reach of any crook
396
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:51,887
that happens to be living here.
397
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:55,746
- Mr. Haney, how can
you call anybody a crook?
398
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:03,488
- Mr. Douglas, I detect a
note of innuender in your voice.
399
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:07,936
- It's more than innuender.
400
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,573
The only difference
between you and Willie Dunhill
401
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:14,943
is that he made the
mistake of being caught.
402
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,046
- Mr. Douglas, would
you mind repeating
403
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,170
that into my elk's tooth.
404
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,284
- Your?
405
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,642
- Teaching one, two, testing.
406
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:30,393
I wanna tape your
accusations for the slander suit.
407
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,995
- Mr. Haney.
- And speak slowly.
408
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:36,732
I'm recording you at
two and seven eights.
409
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:39,935
- Get in your truck
and get out of here.
410
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,371
- Well, I guess under
the circumstances,
411
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:46,242
there's nothing to do but
go home, lick my wounds,
412
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:50,179
and return some other time
when you're more rational.
413
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,203
- Out!
414
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:00,556
Good morning.
415
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,490
- Hello there.
416
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,225
- What are you trying to do?
417
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,127
- Stirring the hotcake batter.
418
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,328
- Must you?
419
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:09,131
- I am making this
especially for Willie.
420
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:13,469
- Look, he's already
paid his debt to society.
421
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:16,327
- I learned this
from a hamburger.
422
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,941
Oh, hello Eb.
423
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,543
- Hello.
424
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:23,079
What a night I had.
425
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,780
I didn't sleep a wink.
426
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:27,849
That cellmate of
mine, holy sassafras.
427
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:29,185
- What did he do?
428
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,220
- First of all, when it
was time to go to bed,
429
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,788
he moved all the furniture.
430
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:33,989
- What for?
431
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:36,758
- He was looking for
the sink in the corner.
432
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,660
I finally convinced
him there wasn't any.
433
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,564
So now we go to bed, then
he wouldn't turn out the light.
434
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:43,132
- Well why not?
435
00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:45,468
- He was waiting
for a bed check.
436
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:49,660
- Well, I guess it isn't
easy to adjust to civilian life.
437
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,142
- Permission to enter.
438
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,076
- Oh, come in.
439
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,178
- Oh, hello Willis, sit down.
440
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:57,513
- Thank you.
441
00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:00,716
- Breakfast will be
ready in a moment.
442
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,351
- Hey, how was
the food in prison?
443
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,586
- Oh, fair.
444
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,787
For breakfast, you'd
get fresh orange juice,
445
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,190
strawberries and cream or melon,
446
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:10,292
eggs with ham,
bacon, or sausage,
447
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,829
and then they had these
little biscuits with honey.
448
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,932
- According to those prison
pictures, the food is lousy.
449
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,967
I saw one where the
cons banged on the tables
450
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,470
and yelled, "Yah, yah, yah!"
451
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,306
- Hey, that might have
been the picture I was in.
452
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,375
This movie company
come up to the big Q
453
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,010
and they used some of us.
454
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,078
I had a speaking part.
455
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,781
The guy comes in and he
puts the food down in front of me
456
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,350
and I took one look at it
457
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:37,653
and I said, "I ain't
gonna eat this slop.
458
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,443
"Yah, yah, yah, yah!"
459
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,259
- Here's your breakfast.
460
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,227
- I ain't gonna eat this slop.
461
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,896
Yah, yah, yah, yah, yah.
462
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,166
- Holy smoke, the
warden's gone stir crazy.
463
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:53,569
- Yah, yah, yah,
yah, yah, yah, yah.
464
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,159
Yah, yah, yah, yah.
465
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:02,611
Oh, hi Willie.
466
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:03,812
- Hi.
467
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:04,946
- Just gonna bed
Eleanor down for the night.
468
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:05,970
- Oh.
469
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,350
- What are you doing?
470
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,685
- I'm whittlin'.
471
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,721
It's a hobby I picked
up while I was in stir.
472
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,312
How do you like it?
473
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,725
- Oh, a...
474
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,327
- Of course, it'll look
like the real thing
475
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,629
when I smear some
black shoe polish on it.
476
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,198
We all use to make these.
477
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:25,100
Used to drive the screws crazy.
478
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:26,302
- I could imagine.
479
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,703
- I was thinking
tonight is the night
480
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,905
they always showed
movies in stir.
481
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,373
I don't suppose you show 'em?
482
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,397
- Oh, no.
483
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,177
Look, why don't
you watch television?
484
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:36,867
- Too much violence.
485
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:39,781
- They have comedy shows.
486
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:44,753
- A widower with three kids
or a widower with two kids.
487
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:47,155
What's funny about that?
488
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,691
- Look, why don't you read?
489
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,726
- Oh, is there a
library around here?
490
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,160
- There's one in Hooterville.
491
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,263
Oh, that closes at 5:30.
492
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:57,065
- In stir, they always
stayed open til' eight.
493
00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,269
I use to love them
art books they had.
494
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:03,439
I use imagine what
the pictures was like
495
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:04,962
that they cut out.
496
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:07,075
- Well, maybe you...
497
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,778
- I sure miss that old
gang in our cellblock.
498
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:14,082
Sneaky, Clyde the Pink,
Mort the butcher, great guys.
499
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,786
We use to sit around at night
planning how to break out.
500
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,054
- Look, you're free.
501
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,022
You don't have to
plan to break out.
502
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:24,526
- I know, it takes all
the challenge out of life.
503
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:28,964
I don't know if I like
being on the outside.
504
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,766
- Look, Willie,
tomorrow's your day off.
505
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:31,933
- Well, what does that mean?
506
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,335
- You don't have to work.
507
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:34,770
- What am I suppose to do?
508
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,295
Lie around in my cell all day?
509
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,344
- Willie, why don't
you go to Pixley?
510
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:45,914
They got a movie theater
there, bowling alleys, a pool hall.
511
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:48,751
- I don't know anybody there.
512
00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,719
- You'll meet somebody.
513
00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:53,555
People who live in farming
communities are very friendly.
514
00:21:53,579 --> 00:21:55,123
- Well.
515
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:58,661
- Willie, you're just
having trouble adjusting.
516
00:21:58,685 --> 00:22:01,430
In a couple of weeks,
you'll get use to being out.
517
00:22:01,454 --> 00:22:03,231
- I sure hope so.
518
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:04,655
Bang, bang, bang.
519
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:29,291
Go away, go away.
520
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:30,315
Go away.
521
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,105
- You waiting for somebody?
522
00:22:44,129 --> 00:22:45,040
- No.
523
00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:45,974
- Well, what are you doing?
524
00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:47,710
- I'm just standing here.
525
00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:50,178
- We got a law against
loitering, move on.
526
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,202
- Yes sir.
527
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,115
- He's going to plead guilty?
528
00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:30,318
- Yes, I offered to defend him.
529
00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:33,188
- But he wants to take the wrap.
530
00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:34,356
- Yeah, he wants to...
531
00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:35,791
- What are they
going to do with him?
532
00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:37,426
- Send him back to Sam Quentin.
533
00:23:37,450 --> 00:23:38,616
- San Quentin.
534
00:23:40,052 --> 00:23:41,296
- Yeah, I...
535
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,464
- Well why didn't
he take it on the lam,
536
00:23:42,488 --> 00:23:43,932
instead of standing there
537
00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:47,636
and letting the fuzz
catch him with the loot?
538
00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:48,670
- Lisa, it's obvious.
539
00:23:48,694 --> 00:23:49,705
He wanted to be caught.
540
00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:51,740
He wanted to go back to jail.
541
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:54,743
He kept talking
about his friends.
542
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:56,712
It was almost as
if he enjoyed it.
543
00:23:56,736 --> 00:23:59,481
- I guess it must
be a fun place.
544
00:23:59,505 --> 00:24:00,282
- How could it be?
545
00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:01,316
You're locked in.
546
00:24:01,340 --> 00:24:02,785
You can't go any place.
547
00:24:02,809 --> 00:24:05,120
Somebody always telling
you what to do all the time.
548
00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:07,456
You have to eat what
they throw at you.
549
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,480
Just like being married.
550
00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:13,562
- I have a feeling we're
going to regret we said that.
551
00:24:13,586 --> 00:24:14,586
Aren't you?
552
00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:17,766
- Oh, I wasn't talking
about our marriage.
553
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:20,268
I don't feel like I'm in jail.
554
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,503
- Well.
555
00:24:21,527 --> 00:24:24,328
- No, more like
being in bootcamp.
556
00:24:25,364 --> 00:24:26,575
- Oliver!
557
00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:28,209
- You know I didn't mean that.
558
00:24:28,233 --> 00:24:29,044
See you in a little bit.
559
00:24:29,068 --> 00:24:30,479
- Where you going?
560
00:24:30,503 --> 00:24:32,948
- I'm going to the bathroom
to take my pants off.
561
00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:35,383
- Wow, at least
Willie did some good.
562
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:37,975
He made a gentleman out of you.
563
00:25:15,915 --> 00:25:19,817
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darlin'.
37015
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