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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
2
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:25,935
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
3
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,873
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
4
00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:34,244
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
5
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:37,981
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
6
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:41,718
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
7
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:45,889
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
8
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:50,082
♪ Dah-ling I love you
but give me Park Avenue
9
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:57,234
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
10
00:00:57,258 --> 00:01:00,404
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
11
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,538
♪ Good bye, city life
12
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:05,130
♪ Green Acres we are there
13
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,754
- Lisa?
14
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,256
Lisa?
15
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,457
- What's the matter?
16
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,159
- Have you seen my attache case?
17
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,660
- What's that?
18
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,695
- It's that case I used
to carry to court with me.
19
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:26,696
- Oh!
20
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:27,720
You're lunchbox.
21
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,000
- No, it's a case I
carried papers in.
22
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,001
- Oh that.
23
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,071
It's under the bed.
24
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:35,572
- It's under the.
25
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,929
What's it going under there?
26
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,180
- Holding the bed up.
27
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,636
- Well that's a...
28
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,517
- Well aren't you
going to fix it?
29
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,818
- I'll fix it when I get back.
30
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,820
- Am I supposed
to sleep on the slant
31
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,722
all the time while
you're in New York,
32
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,391
living the gay life?
33
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,025
Dancing with secretaries?
34
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,695
Boozing it up with
the hat check girls?
35
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,231
- It'll do you good to sleep
36
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,433
with your feet lower
than your head.
37
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,835
It'll take the pressure
off your little brain.
38
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:09,339
- Well, guess who
won't be glad to see who
39
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,208
when you get back!
40
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,243
- Look, get Eb to fix it.
41
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,244
I haven't got time.
42
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,278
My plane leaves in an hour.
43
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,948
Excuse me,
44
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:23,186
Excuse me governor,
your car awaits without.
45
00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,488
- Yeah, I'll be right...
46
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,889
Why are you wearing
that stupid hat?
47
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:30,193
- This ain't a stupid
hat, it's a chauffeur's hat.
48
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,229
A stupid hat has
a point on the top
49
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,333
and they make you wear it
when you sit in the corner.
50
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,634
- Would you mind taking
my bag out to the car please?
51
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,569
- Yes sir, governor!
52
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,105
- Now I'm going to
miss you, sweetheart!
53
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,706
- I'll be right back!
54
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,208
I'm only going to the airport!
55
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:48,066
- I believe she
was talking to me.
56
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,514
- Is that true?
57
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:52,215
- Get the bag!
58
00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:53,239
- Yes, sir.
59
00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,218
- How long will you be gone?
60
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,219
- Just an hour.
61
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,720
- Out!
62
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:08,131
- It's going to be lonesome
here without you, Oliver.
63
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:09,966
- I'll only be gone
three, four days.
64
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,468
- Are you going to
call me every day?
65
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:12,636
- Sure.
66
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,660
- Why?
67
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:15,838
- Well, you just asked me to.
68
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,440
- Otherwise you
wouldn't call me?
69
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:19,942
- Of course I would.
70
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,444
- What time will you call?
71
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:23,647
- Whenever there's a break
in my meetings with Carling.
72
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,415
- What's her name in real life?
73
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,185
- He's a lawyer!
74
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,386
- Oh.
75
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,388
- Oh, goodbye, Lisa.
- Oh!
76
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:32,822
Have a good time!
77
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,831
- Carling, where is this Duncas?
78
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,400
- No, no, Douglas.
79
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,101
Oliver Wendell Douglass.
80
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,469
- Well, whatever his name
is, he's not very prompt.
81
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,871
- Well, maybe his plan is late.
82
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,674
He had to fly in
from Hooterville.
83
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,075
- What?
84
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,477
- Hooterville, that's
where he lives.
85
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,246
See, Douglas was a
member of our law firm
86
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,780
until several years ago.
87
00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,016
Then he decided to give
up law and become a farmer.
88
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,318
- He didn't get into any trouble
89
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,885
with the Bar
Association, did he?
90
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,008
- Oh, no, no!
91
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,989
He's a fine attorney!
92
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,292
Matter of fact, he
worked on this case
93
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,527
while he was here.
94
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,929
- Yes, well, he's
not very dependable.
95
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,897
- Oh, thank you, Susie.
96
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,166
Would you call the
airport and see if the plane
97
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,568
from Hooterville is in?
98
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:19,569
- Yes, sir.
99
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,671
- Oh, I'm sorry I'm...
- Mister Douglas!
100
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:22,695
Oh!
101
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,310
- Susie!
102
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,546
- Oh, I'm sorry
Mr. Carling, but I was just
103
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,481
so glad to see
Mr. Douglas that I...
104
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:33,182
- Next time just wag your tail.
105
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,952
- Oh, it's good to see you.
106
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:38,378
- Well, yes.
107
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,292
- Oliver, I'd like you
to meet our clients.
108
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:43,993
Mr. Robinson.
109
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,061
- How do you do?
- Mr. Robinson.
110
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:46,296
- And Mr Sternwiess.
111
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,530
- How do you do?
- Mr. Sternweiss, yes.
112
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:48,565
I'm sorry I'm late
gentlemen, but I was...
113
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:52,535
- Oliver, you've got a little...
- Oh!
114
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:55,328
Yes.
115
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,507
Mm?
116
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,208
There we go.
117
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,210
Well, yes, my plane was late.
118
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:04,180
You see we had to make a
forced landing at Stankwell Falls.
119
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,082
- Stankwell Falls?
120
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,452
- Yes, normally
Trans-Pixley Airlines
121
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,355
doesn't land there, but they
had some mechanical difficulty
122
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:15,425
with the plane, the
rubber band broke.
123
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,127
- Rubber band?
124
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,962
- Oh, yes, the pilot
had it on his compass
125
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,031
holding it, well anyway.
126
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:25,368
- Fine, fine, now
may we get started?
127
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,771
We have an awful
lot of ground to cover.
128
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,839
- I'll call Ms. Glassworth
in to take some notes.
129
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,708
- Our problem is
twofold, Mr. Douglas,
130
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,276
you see on the
one hand we have...
131
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,400
- Yes, Mr. Carling,
did you... Mr Douglas!
132
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,547
- Janet!
- Oh!
133
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,520
- Oliver.
134
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,021
- Yes, I'm sorry.
135
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,657
- Excuse me, it's just so long
since I've seen Mr. Douglas!
136
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,659
- May we please get started?
137
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,795
- Oh, yes, yes of course.
138
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:54,864
- Oliver, better wipe the...
139
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,167
- Oh!
140
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,938
- Susie, we don't
want any interruptions.
141
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,708
- Tell he if my wife
calls, to put her through.
142
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:05,642
- You're married?
143
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,843
- Yes.
144
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,545
- You coulda fooled me.
145
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:16,508
- Holy smoke!
146
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,694
"Please take care
of little Freddie,
147
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,930
I'm sure you'll give
him a good home."
148
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,053
Mrs. Douglas!
149
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,390
Mrs. Douglas!
150
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,771
Mrs. Douglas!
151
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,105
- What's the matter?
152
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,608
- Somebody left a
doorstep on your baby!
153
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,343
I mean a baby on your doorstep.
154
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:41,800
- Oh, let me see!
155
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:46,038
Oh, Eb!
156
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,518
This is not a baby!
157
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,119
That's a poopy.
158
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,143
- It is?
159
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,290
So that's what a
poopy looks like!
160
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,980
- Oh, isn't he cute!
161
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,195
- His name is Freddie.
162
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,563
- When did he tell you that?
163
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,299
- This note was
pinned to his blanket.
164
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:06,803
- Well, his mother
has a nice handwriting.
165
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,607
But how could she
leave a cute little...
166
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,141
- What are you
gonna do with him?
167
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,644
- Well, like the note says, I'm
gonna give him a good home.
168
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:17,781
- What's the matter with him?
169
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,115
- Oh, he must be hungry.
170
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,617
What do you feed a poopie?
171
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,885
- I don't know.
172
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,020
My ma always fed our
dogs that same thing
173
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,021
she fed us kids.
174
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,022
- What's that?
175
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,046
- Dog food!
176
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,526
- We don't have any dog food.
177
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,494
I'll make him something.
178
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,296
How about some hot cakes?
179
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,266
- He sounds like Mr. Douglas
when you mention that word.
180
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:39,669
- Well!
181
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,770
- I'd give him some milk.
182
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,004
- That's a good idea.
183
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,506
Why don't you give him some milk
184
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:46,876
and I call Mr. Douglas and
I'll tell him the good news.
185
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,819
- I don't think we can approach
the matter on that basis.
186
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,987
- But according to the
decision laid down in the case of
187
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,489
Harris versus the
Paradise Company...
188
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,023
- Gentlemen, please.
189
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,993
I think there's a very simple
solution to the whole case.
190
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,629
All we have to do is...
191
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,198
- Susie, I said no... What?
192
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,266
Oh.
193
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,034
Oliver, it's for you.
194
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,937
Your wife is calling
from Hooterville.
195
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:17,440
- Look, excuse me
gentlemen, I'll only be, hello?
196
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,441
- Guess who?
197
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:19,442
- Lisa!
198
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,177
- Right on the first guess.
199
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,547
- Lisa, I'm in a middle of a...
200
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:27,684
- Well, I wouldn't have called
you if it wasn't important.
201
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:30,954
Because you always
told me never to call you
202
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,422
unless it was
important and this is!
203
00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,057
This is very important...
- Yes, Lisa?
204
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,594
Look, would you try
to get to the point?
205
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:38,618
- What point?
206
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,063
- Whatever you called me about.
207
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:43,099
- Here is the whole
thing in a nutcracker,
208
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,289
can I keep little Freddie?
209
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,670
- Is that what you
called me about?
210
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:51,273
I don't care what...
Who's little Freddie?
211
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:53,209
- Ooo, didn't I tell you that?
212
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,612
He's the one that we
found on the doorstep
213
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,748
in a basket, wrapped
in a blanket with a note
214
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,049
from his mother.
215
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,073
- What?
216
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,352
- What's the matter?
217
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,055
- My wife found a baby in
a basket on our doorstep.
218
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,925
- Congratulations, can
we get back to work?
219
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,026
Just a second.
220
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,762
Lisa, you can't keep him!
221
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,463
- But the note said
we should keep him
222
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,032
and give him a good home!
223
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,901
- Well, I don't care
what the note said,
224
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,302
just call the sheriff,
he'll know what to do.
225
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,804
- I know what to do.
226
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,707
I've been feeding him and...
- Lisa, Lisa?
227
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:28,110
The law says that, look,
please do me a favor?
228
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,980
Call the sheriff and tell
him what happened, huh?
229
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,415
- I won't do it.
230
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,451
- But Lisa, you...
- I won't do it.
231
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,053
- Well then I'll do it!
232
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,321
I'm sorry gentlemen.
233
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,390
- Now can we get back to work?
234
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,159
- I have to make one call.
235
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,127
Susie, would you please get me
236
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:46,563
the sheriff of
Hooterville County?
237
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,754
- County
what-you-ma-call-it's office.
238
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,890
- Is this the sheriff's office?
239
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:14,891
- Yes, sir.
240
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,994
This is, uh, uh...
- Mr. Kimble?
241
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,395
- Oh, yeah, I guess it is.
242
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:22,298
- Please may I
speak to the sheriff?
243
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,900
- He's on vacation.
244
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,501
I'm babysitting
with the prisoners.
245
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,070
- What?
246
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:29,271
- Yeah, I come in
every day to feed 'em.
247
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,773
The sheriff found out
if they went out to eat,
248
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,197
that a lot of them
didn't come back.
249
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,846
- Yeah, well, isn't
there a deputy there?
250
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,280
- Oh, no, it's his day off.
251
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,783
- Can we please get
on with this meeting?
252
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,218
- I'll only be on
the line a minute.
253
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,753
- Well, then I'll hang up.
254
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,088
- Well, no, no,
no, don't do that!
255
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,089
- Do what?
256
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:47,090
- Hang up!
257
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:48,114
- Yes, sir.
258
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:52,762
Oh, you miserable...
259
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:57,299
Susie, would you get that
number back for me please?
260
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,968
- Are you gonna spend
the whole day on the phone?
261
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,437
- No, no, just bear
with me now, please.
262
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,832
- County Sheriff's office.
263
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:09,812
- Mr. Kimble!
264
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:10,813
- Oh, Mr. Douglas!
265
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,117
Are you through using the phone?
266
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,184
- Look, Mr. Kimble, I
want you to listen carefully.
267
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,786
I am in New York.
268
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,121
- What if you happened
to see my cousin?
269
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,488
He lives in New York!
270
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,158
Well, not in New York,
he lives across a river.
271
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,392
New Hampshire.
272
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:26,495
- Just listen!
273
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,165
My wife called me
a little while ago,
274
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,700
she said somebody left a baby
275
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,168
in a basket on our front porch.
276
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,804
Now, I wanted her to
turn it into the sheriff...
277
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,973
- Why, what did the kid do?
278
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,709
He didn't.
279
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:43,046
Look, do me a favor, go
over and tell Mr. Drucker
280
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,682
about it, I'm sure he'll
know the right thing to do.
281
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:46,949
- Yes, sir!
282
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,761
Haney, I don't need
a new cash register.
283
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,430
- But, Sam, my new
change giving register,
284
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,265
it's used in all
the super markets.
285
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,867
- Well, I don't care, I...
286
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,636
- Do you realize all of the
wasted motion you go though
287
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,605
with this old
fashioned register?
288
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,807
- It's perfectly all...
289
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,274
- Now suppose somebody
comes in and buys
290
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,532
$6.32 worth of merchandise.
291
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,279
Haney, will you...
292
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:20,016
- Now, he tenders a
$10 bill as payment.
293
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,218
You've got to count that out.
294
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,642
$6.32 from $10, that's $3.68.
295
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:31,015
50, 60, 65, 68 and
three dollars makes ten.
296
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,602
Now, with my new
register you eliminate...
297
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,838
- Haney, would you
put the money back?
298
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:42,805
Hmm?
299
00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:44,073
- The money?
300
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,175
- Oh, I guess I got carried away
301
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,310
with the live demonstration.
302
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:51,881
- Yeah, well, after this...
- Hi, Haney.
303
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:52,882
- Hi Hank!
304
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,217
- Guess what, Sam?
305
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,081
Mrs. Douglas has had a
baby on her front porch.
306
00:12:57,077 --> 00:13:00,289
- Well, bless my gooseberry pie!
307
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,324
- Well, that's impossible!
308
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:04,060
She wasn't even
expectin' a baby!
309
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,261
- Yeah, I know.
310
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,528
The kid just showed
up in a basket!
311
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:10,199
- A foundling, well
bless my codfish balls!
312
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,002
- Where did you hear about this?
313
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,203
- Mr. Douglas told me.
314
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,506
- Well bless my apple pan dowdy!
315
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:21,978
I think I'll go over an
congratulate the little mother.
316
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,179
- Haney!
317
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,447
- Sam, I'd like to
stick around and have
318
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,183
some gooseberry pie and
some codfish balls with ya,
319
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,418
but I gotta get back
to the sheriff's office.
320
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,320
Find out who's
been shootin' at me!
321
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,726
- Maybe Mr. Douglas
didn't call the sheriff.
322
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,262
- Oh, yes, he called him.
323
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:42,165
He has a heart of
stone in his head.
324
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,533
Oh, the poor little thing.
325
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:47,003
What are we going to do
when the sheriff gets here?
326
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,938
- We'll hide him!
327
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,940
- How do you hide a sheriff?
328
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,943
- No, ma'am, I meant
we'd hide Freddie.
329
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,847
Uhoh, I think the fuzz is here!
330
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,949
- No, I think it's Mr. Haney!
331
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:06,522
- Mrs. Douglas, if you
don't look the picture
332
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,891
of merry motherhood!
333
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,793
- He knows about little Freddie!
334
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,395
- You can't keep a
think like that a secret!
335
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:17,433
I brought the little
tyke this pair of booties.
336
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,369
- Oh, that's very nice
of you, Mr. Haney,
337
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,438
but he needs four of them.
338
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:23,728
- Four of them!
339
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,508
- Yeah, he's got four feet!
340
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,178
- No wonder somebody
left him on your doorstep.
341
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:32,748
Now, getting the little
one unexpectedly,
342
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,251
you're gonna need
all kinds of supplies.
343
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,986
And that's why I'm here.
344
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:40,356
Now if you will just step
back to my show room,
345
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:44,961
I'll show you what the
well-equipped baby should have.
346
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,496
- But, Mr. Haney,
you don't understand.
347
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,131
Freddie...
348
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:52,701
- Feast your eyes on this
magnificent display of baby needs.
349
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,971
Now take this electronic cradle.
350
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:59,208
This relieves a mother of
the tedious job of rocking.
351
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:03,212
You simply place the baby in
the cradle, fasten his seatbelt
352
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,214
and push this button.
353
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,456
Now the great thing
about this cradle is
354
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,725
after the child out grows it,
355
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,028
you can use it to
make malted milks.
356
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,697
- Well, I don't
think that Freddie...
357
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:25,134
- Now, I also have a complete
line of educational toys.
358
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,703
Like this fascinating gadget.
359
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:31,896
It keeps a child amused
for hours, and not only that,
360
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,912
but he might win enough to
pay his way through college.
361
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:39,048
- Mrs. Douglas,
Freddie's hungry again!
362
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,850
Oh, the poor thing!
363
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,719
- So that is Freddie!
364
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,722
If I didn't know that you
found him on the doorstep,
365
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,858
I'd say he's the spittin'
image of Mr. Douglas.
366
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,762
- What a terrible thing to
say about a cute little puppy!
367
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,065
You know what Mr. Douglas
wants us to do with him?
368
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,967
Turn him over to the sheriff!
369
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,969
- Well, bless my chicken liver.
370
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,371
- Do we have to
do that, Mr. Haney?
371
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,441
- Well, I'm not an
attorney, but I believe I have
372
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:09,078
the perfect solution
for your de-lemon-ia.
373
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,947
- What's that?
374
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,482
- There's statue on
the books that says
375
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:18,054
that anyone finding an ipso
facto puppy on their doorstep
376
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:21,857
must turn the ipso
over to the facto.
377
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,427
Unless the puppy can
be placed into the home
378
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,063
of a qualified puppy raiser.
379
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,897
- Where do I find one of those?
380
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:29,921
- My card.
381
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:34,270
- Mr. Haney, raiser
of found poopies.
382
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:37,739
- Now, to conform with
the aforementioned statue,
383
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:40,076
I will buy the puppy
from you for $2,
384
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:44,713
move him into my
qualified puppy raisin' home,
385
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,516
keep him 'til he's old
enough to be adopted,
386
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:51,720
then sell him back to
you for the $2 plus a small
387
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:55,024
charge for boardin' and
training and schooling
388
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:58,861
and clothing and whatever
ex-cet-er-as that he might need.
389
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:02,987
I'd say the whole thing
would come to, oh, only $900.
390
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,268
- I don't know.
391
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,037
What do you think, Eb?
392
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,339
- $900 sounds fair to me.
393
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,541
- You're a good boy, Eb.
394
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,944
- I don't know what
Mr. Douglas is going to say
395
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,713
about laying out so much money.
396
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,482
I better call and ask him.
397
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:29,892
- Look, I've gone over
this nine different times,
398
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:32,061
and I don't think
that's the solution.
399
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:33,896
- But it's the only
course of action we have!
400
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,697
Don't you agree, Oliver?
401
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:36,721
- Huh?
402
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,935
Oh, I wasn't listening to
what you said, I'm sorry.
403
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,970
- I don't think you've listened
to anything we've said.
404
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:45,807
- I apologize, but I'm
concerned about that baby.
405
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:48,411
My wife just doesn't know
how to handle a baby.
406
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,946
Look, you mind if I
make just one more call?
407
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:53,549
- Douglas, we're involved
in a a $2 million lawsuit!
408
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,318
- I'll make it as
brief as, Susie!
409
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,509
Look, would you get, what?
410
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:00,644
Oh, put her on.
411
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,825
My wife is calling me.
412
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:05,428
Yes, hello, Lisa?
413
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,695
- Oliver!
414
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:07,763
- Yes, I was just
about to call you!
415
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:08,797
- Okay.
416
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:15,460
- Susie, would you get
that call back for me?
417
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:21,567
- Hello!
418
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,380
- Hello, Lisa.
419
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,748
- Oliver, I am so
glad you called.
420
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,951
I wanted to talk to
you about little Freddie.
421
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,186
- Have you still got him?
422
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,554
- Yes.
423
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,189
- Didn't Mr. Drucker come over?
424
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,423
- Oh, why should he?
425
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,258
- Well, I called
the sheriff's office,
426
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,593
but the sheriff was on vacation
427
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,195
and the deputy had the day off,
428
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,829
so Mr. Kimble was
babysitting the prisoners.
429
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,898
- Babysitting with
the prisoners?
430
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:45,401
- Yeah, he just
comes in to feed him.
431
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:46,902
They found out that a
lot of 'em didn't come back
432
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,237
if they let 'em go out to eat.
433
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,940
Lisa, I told Mr. Kimble to
tell Mr. Drucker to come over.
434
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,177
- Well the only one that
showed up was Mr. Haney.
435
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:57,346
He wants to sell me
some baby supplies.
436
00:18:57,370 --> 00:19:00,616
- Don't buy anything from him!
437
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,320
- Mr. Haney has a good
solution for our di-lemon-ia.
438
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:08,457
He wants to buy little
Freddie from me for $2.
439
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,758
- What?
440
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,093
You can't do that!
441
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,461
- But Oliver!
442
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,929
- Lisa, you can't do that!
443
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,431
- Do what?
444
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:18,634
- This guy wants to buy
the baby from my wife for $2!
445
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,902
- I'll give her three for him
if we can get back to work.
446
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,805
- Lisa, look you can't sell...
447
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,307
- You didn't let me finish.
448
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,309
Mr. Haney's only
going to keep him
449
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,311
til he's old enough
to be adopted.
450
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:33,715
Then he's going to sell
him back to us for $900.
451
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:34,916
- $900?
452
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,519
$950.
453
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,543
- Lisa?
454
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,157
Do us both a favor,
call Mr. Drucker!
455
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,491
- Mrs. Douglas?
456
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,026
- What's the matter, Eb?
457
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:47,129
- Freddie got under the kitchen
sink and ate a bar of soap!
458
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:50,366
- Oh, my goodness,
that's terrible!
459
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,567
- What's the matter?
460
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,402
- Freddie just
ate a bar of soap.
461
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:54,903
- Oh, no!
462
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,104
- Now what?
463
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,506
- The kid just
ate a bar of soap!
464
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,308
- I'd like to visit Hooterville,
465
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,143
it sounds like more
fun than Disneyland.
466
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,047
- Lisa, Lisa, I want
you to listen to me.
467
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,315
Now, keep calm!
468
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,651
Take Freddie to the
emergency hospital,
469
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,085
they'll know what to do.
470
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,287
And then call me back.
471
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:14,490
No, don't call me
back, I'm coming home!
472
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:17,159
- What do you mean,
you're going home?
473
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,594
- What else can I do?
474
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:21,797
I gotta go home and
protect that poor little kid!
475
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,203
Lisa?
476
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:28,504
Lisa?
477
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,805
- Oh, hello there!
478
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,773
- Where is he?
479
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:33,742
- Oh, you're a good father.
480
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,245
Coming all the way home
because you were worried
481
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,779
about little Freddie.
482
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:38,814
- Yeah, how is he?
483
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:39,848
- Oh, he's fine.
484
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,483
They got all the
soap out of him.
485
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,552
- Oh, thank goodness.
486
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,887
You oughta know better than
to let him get under the sink!
487
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,590
- Oh, he gets into everything!
488
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:50,226
He was stuck under
the refrigerator too!
489
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:52,794
- Holy smoke!
490
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,230
Where is he?
491
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,531
- Outside.
492
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,733
Arnold is teaching him
how to play baseball.
493
00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,935
- You've gotta be out of your,
494
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,937
how could you let
him play with a pig?
495
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:04,306
Nice catch, Freddie!
496
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:05,429
- Nice catch?
497
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,277
What the?
498
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:10,735
- Great, okay, bring it here!
499
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:19,087
Boy, Freddie's gonna
make a great outfielder!
500
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,856
- Is this Freddie?
501
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,392
- Yes, isn't he cute?
502
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:26,295
- Lisa, why didn't you
tell me it was a puppy?
503
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,096
- Well, you never asked!
504
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:32,268
- From the way you talked,
I thought it was a baby!
505
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:34,936
- You have a pretty
vivid imagination.
506
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:40,876
- Do you realize that dog
cost me a $5,0000 fee?
507
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,711
- Well, isn't is worth it to see
508
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:44,780
the smile on his little face?
509
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,036
- No, it's not!
510
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:52,588
- Arnold wants to know
if Freddie can play ball
511
00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:53,822
with him tomorrow?
512
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:55,023
- No, he can't!
513
00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,158
- Why not?
514
00:21:56,182 --> 00:21:58,849
- Because Freddie won't be here!
515
00:22:00,687 --> 00:22:02,731
- Where is he going?
516
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:04,995
- I'm gonna find out who left
him here and give him back!
517
00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:08,604
- You wouldn't
do that would you?
518
00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,205
Oh, for!
519
00:22:10,229 --> 00:22:12,040
What are you crying about?
520
00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:13,642
- I like little Freddie!
521
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:14,666
Oh!
522
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:16,667
- Dry your eyes.
523
00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:19,147
- Oh!
524
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:21,116
Can't I keep him?
525
00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:22,117
- No!
526
00:22:22,141 --> 00:22:23,307
- But, Oliver!
527
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,457
Well, what is this?
528
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:29,658
- My handkerchief.
529
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,126
- So you admit it!
530
00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:32,561
- Of course!
531
00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:33,796
- Well, would you kindly explain
532
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:36,398
who the tangerine
lipstick belongs to?
533
00:22:36,422 --> 00:22:39,134
- Oh, yeah, the tangerine uh...
534
00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:40,769
- Yeah, the tangerine uh.
535
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:45,240
- That belongs to Susie,
she was one of the secretaries
536
00:22:45,264 --> 00:22:46,475
when I was with the firm.
537
00:22:46,499 --> 00:22:49,378
She was glad to
see me, kissed me.
538
00:22:49,402 --> 00:22:50,946
- That's a ding-dong-doozie!
539
00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:52,514
- Eb will you...
540
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,550
- And let's pause over
Susie for a moment
541
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:58,520
and let's hear who this
Ms. Passionate Pink is.
542
00:22:58,544 --> 00:23:01,223
- Oh, that belonged to Janet.
543
00:23:01,247 --> 00:23:03,225
She was Mr. Carling's
private secretary.
544
00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:05,794
- And she was happy to see
you too and she kissed you?
545
00:23:05,818 --> 00:23:07,028
- Of course.
546
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:08,764
- Boy, you don't have
as vivid an imagination
547
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:10,098
as I thought you did!
548
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,569
- Eb, I don't need
any of your help,
549
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:15,537
will you find something to do?
550
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:16,772
- Yes, sir.
551
00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:20,442
Oh, if you ever get
the true story out of him,
552
00:23:20,466 --> 00:23:21,543
I'd like to hear it.
553
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:23,945
Go!
554
00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:28,138
- Well, shall we get back
to your nitty gritty again?
555
00:23:29,609 --> 00:23:32,954
Do you want to try another
story with the lipsticks?
556
00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:34,923
- No, the story I
told you is true.
557
00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:37,225
- Only the names
have been changed
558
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:38,660
to protect your innocence.
559
00:23:38,684 --> 00:23:40,596
Oh, Lisa!
560
00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:42,564
- Oliver, I believe you.
561
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:43,588
- Thank you.
562
00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:48,670
- However, I don't think
little Freddie believes you.
563
00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,241
- I don't care whether he does.
564
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,710
- Well, I do.
565
00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:56,311
I don't want him to
leave here thinking
566
00:23:56,335 --> 00:23:58,447
that you're some
kind of a philanthropist.
567
00:23:59,572 --> 00:24:00,849
- Philanderer.
568
00:24:00,873 --> 00:24:02,518
- Oh, so you know the word.
569
00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:03,752
- Of course!
570
00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:05,253
- Of course.
571
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:08,857
If Freddie were to stay
here and get to know you,
572
00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:11,627
and find out what a
wonderful man you really are,
573
00:24:11,651 --> 00:24:13,829
that you are not a two-timer,
574
00:24:13,853 --> 00:24:17,633
that you are honest,
true-blue, a great man,
575
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:21,036
one of nature's noblemen,
a prince among man...
576
00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:23,226
- Okay, okay, he can stay.
577
00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:25,607
Oh, Oliver,
578
00:24:25,631 --> 00:24:26,675
you're wonderful!
579
00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:33,805
- What's that?
580
00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:37,319
- I think he still has
a little soap in him.
581
00:24:39,345 --> 00:24:44,025
- I think he has a little
Lawrence Welk in him too.
582
00:25:28,961 --> 00:25:33,130
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling
38524
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