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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
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00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:25,935
♪ Farm living is the life for me
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00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,939
♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide
4
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:34,011
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
5
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:38,048
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
6
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:41,985
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
7
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:45,989
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
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00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:50,182
♪ Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
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00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:57,267
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
10
00:00:57,291 --> 00:01:00,003
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
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♪ Goodbye, city life
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00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:05,531
♪ Green Acres, we are there
13
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Hmm?
14
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,730
- Oliver, there is somebody
knocking at the front door.
15
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,068
- You're right.
16
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:33,659
- Oliver.
17
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:35,172
- Oh, ignore it.
18
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:36,506
Maybe they'll go away.
19
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,945
- They didn't go away.
20
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,013
- Well, what do
you want me to do?
21
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,582
- What'd you say?
22
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,952
Oh, for the love of it, grab
your robe and see who it is.
23
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,853
- Oh, for the love of it.
24
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,027
Oh, Ralph.
25
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,440
What do you want?
26
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,274
- Did I wake you up?
27
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,542
- Yes.
28
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:13,810
- I'm sorry, but I
wanted you to be
29
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,845
the first to hear the good news.
30
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:17,414
Guess what?
31
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:18,582
- You're for arrest.
32
00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:20,883
- I'm engaged.
33
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:22,852
I'm gonna be married.
34
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,254
- Congratulations.
35
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,429
- Who was it?
36
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,730
- It was Ralph.
37
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:34,764
- What did she want?
38
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,856
- She'll tell you.
39
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,404
- You big jerk.
40
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,106
Oh, hi, Mrs. Douglas.
41
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,974
- What's the matter, Ralph?
42
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,876
- Didn't the sorehead
tell you the good news?
43
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,746
I'm gonna be married.
44
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,015
- Oh, isn't that marvelous?
45
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,283
Who's the lucky man?
46
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,884
- Oh, what a
horrible thing to say
47
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:57,576
about some poor nearsighted guy.
48
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,525
- If I weren't so happy, I'd
kick you right in the slacks.
49
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:03,726
- Look, Ralph.
50
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,028
- Who is it?
51
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:08,265
- Well, his initials are H.K.
52
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,399
- Harry Caray?
53
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:11,768
- Hank Kimball.
54
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,304
- Ralph, I wish you
both a lot of happiness.
55
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,206
- And so do I.
56
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,607
How did it happen?
57
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:18,841
- Well, as you know...
58
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,644
- Do you mind if I
go back to bed now?
59
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,779
I've got an old dream to finish.
60
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,948
- Oliver, you're
terribly impolite.
61
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:27,150
Now come on, come on.
62
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:28,385
Tell me all about it.
63
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:29,352
Sit down.
64
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,054
You too, Oliver.
65
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:34,357
- Well, as you know, Hanky
and I have been going together
66
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,059
for almost eight years,
67
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,928
but he was always too
shy to pop the question.
68
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,197
Well, anyway, last
night we went to
69
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,432
a drive-in movie
like we always do.
70
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,634
Except this time, there
was something different.
71
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,203
- What was that?
72
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,704
- The back seat was broken
73
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,639
and he had to sit
up front with me.
74
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,331
- How did you manage to
break it without him knowing it?
75
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:55,679
- Oliver.
76
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,180
Go on, Ralph.
77
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,216
- Well, anyway, they were
showing this torrid love scene
78
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,651
between Cary Grant
and Sophia Loren
79
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,153
and I turned to
Hanky and I said,
80
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,356
"I bet you can make
love better than that."
81
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:08,991
- And what did he do?
82
00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:10,927
- Oh, nothing, he'd
gone off to get popcorn.
83
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:13,530
- Oh boy.
84
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,332
- Anyway, he was gone
about a half an hour
85
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:18,101
when I heard this girl
in the next car scream
86
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:21,538
and I looked over and the door
flew open and Hanky flew out.
87
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:22,739
- What?
88
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,141
- He'd gotten
into the wrong car.
89
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:26,075
- The wrong...
90
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,277
- Then this big fellow got out
91
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,511
and he started
beating up on Hank
92
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:29,812
and I jumped out
and I started swinging
93
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,249
and I heard this siren
and, well, anyway,
94
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:35,452
coming home from the
emergency hospital, Hank proposed
95
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:38,855
and I accepted before the
shot they gave him wore off.
96
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:43,426
- Isn't that a romantical story?
97
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:44,594
- Yeah.
98
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,095
- When is the
wedding going to be?
99
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,597
- A week from next Sunday.
100
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,165
- Oh, isn't that wonderful?
101
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,600
I'll tell you what
we're going to do.
102
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,369
Mr. Douglas and I are going to
103
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,604
give you the
wedding as a present.
104
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,972
- Lisa.
105
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,329
- Oh, thank you.
106
00:04:58,965 --> 00:04:59,965
Thank you.
107
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,312
Oh!
108
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:03,846
- Wait till I tell Hanky.
109
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:07,784
- Lisa, why did
you say that we'd...
110
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,520
- Well, Oliver, it's just
going to be a simple affair.
111
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,657
We'll get the chef from
the 21 Club from New York
112
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:16,826
to fly out and cater it
and we'll get a big band.
113
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,429
- Yeah, how 'bout
John Philip Sousa?
114
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,498
- Well, if that's who
you like, we'll get him.
115
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:22,732
Now, Lisa, will you please...
116
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:25,268
- Oliver, just leave
the details to me.
117
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:29,906
- The one thing I
don't understand
118
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,474
is why they're getting married.
119
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,010
It seems kind of old-fashioned.
120
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,612
- What do you
mean old-fashioned?
121
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:36,813
- Well, you hardly
see a movie today
122
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,381
where anybody's married anymore.
123
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,518
- Eb, you're seeing the
wrong kind of movies.
124
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:44,387
- No, sir, this was Snow
White and the Seven Dwarfs.
125
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:45,689
Nobody was married in that.
126
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,157
- Eb, why don't you just...
127
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,359
- What are you gonna
give Ralph and Mr. Kimball
128
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:50,593
for a wedding present?
129
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,195
- We're gonna pay
for the wedding.
130
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,931
- Golly, you're a
real generous man.
131
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,466
Not with me, but
with everybody else.
132
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,558
- Look, Eb.
133
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,740
- Hey, here comes the
blushing bridegroom.
134
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:06,576
- Aw, Eb, why
don't you watch it.
135
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,711
- Hi, Mr. Douglas.
136
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:08,545
Hi, Eb.
137
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,146
- Hiya, Mr. Kimball.
138
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,749
I understand
congratulations are in order.
139
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,016
- Oh, they are?
140
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,719
Congratulations.
141
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,253
What did you do?
142
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,588
- I didn't.
143
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,690
We're talking about the wedding.
144
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,954
- Oh, somebody getting married?
145
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,260
- You are.
146
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:25,762
- To who?
147
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,018
- Ralph Monroe.
148
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,265
- Oh, that wedding.
149
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,200
Yeah, got engaged last night.
150
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,536
Yeah, how do you like
the engagement ring?
151
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,838
Oh, I guess I gave it to Ralph.
152
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,272
We're gonna take
turns wearing it.
153
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,742
- Oh boy.
154
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,309
- Did you know Mr. Douglas
is paying for the wedding?
155
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,333
- What wedding?
156
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,279
- Yours.
157
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,215
- Gee, that's mighty
nice of you, Mr. Douglas.
158
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,284
I hope you'll invite me.
159
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:49,386
I love weddings.
160
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,122
- Yes, if there's
room, I'll try to.
161
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,491
- Yeah, well, thank you.
162
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,961
- You know, it
doesn't seem right
163
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,230
to do that to anybody,
even to Ralph.
164
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,323
- Oh, Eb!
165
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:13,933
Lisa?
166
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,368
Lisa?
167
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,314
- What do you want?
168
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:19,416
- Haven't you
started dinner yet?
169
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,650
- No, I've been busy.
170
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,018
I've been on the phone
talking to New York
171
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,454
to get the estimates
for the wedding.
172
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,388
- New York?
173
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,989
- Yes, I've got three estimates.
174
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,091
Which one do you want,
the most expensive one?
175
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,794
- No, the cheapest.
176
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,228
- $17,000.
177
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:34,454
- 17,000.
178
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,668
How much is the
most expensive one?
179
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,303
- $98,000.
180
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,605
That's with the Rockettes
dancing the Wedding March.
181
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,543
- We don't need the Rockettes.
182
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:47,911
- You don't have any class.
183
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:51,314
- Oh, Lisa, I'm not
spending anything like that.
184
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:52,816
- Well, if you'd
just come outside
185
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,820
and let me show you
what I have in mind.
186
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:59,188
I thought we'd have
the wedding out here
187
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,957
on account of all the guests.
188
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,759
- Well, how many
people are you expecting?
189
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,961
- Well, Ralph gave
me the list of her side.
190
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:05,985
485 people.
191
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,188
- 485?
192
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,502
- 12 of them are relatives
and the rest of them
193
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,938
are members of the
County Carpenter's Union.
194
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:17,463
- Oh, great.
195
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:21,678
How many people does
Mr. Kimball get to invite?
196
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:22,946
- Six, including him.
197
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:28,785
Now, what I had in mind
is we have the alter there
198
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,787
and the aisle down here.
199
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,822
- May I make a suggestion?
200
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,591
- Mr. Haney.
201
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,225
I didn't hear your truck.
202
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,194
- Oh, well, that's
easy explained.
203
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,598
You see, the motor is
tuned to such a high pitch,
204
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,500
it can only be heard by dogs.
205
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:45,869
- Oh, brother.
206
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,370
- Now, shall we talk
about the wedding?
207
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:48,738
- Yes, I'd like to hear it.
208
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,974
- Lisa, don't get
involved with him.
209
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:54,544
- Mr. Douglas, how many
weddings have you supervised?
210
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,078
- None.
211
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:59,315
- Then I'll thank you to keep
your inexperience out of this.
212
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,987
Now, the Haney Super
Wedding Service Service
213
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,588
comes in a package.
214
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:09,826
We furnish everything except
the bride and the bridegroom.
215
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,829
Course we do supply
a standby groom
216
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:15,331
in case the real
one don't show up.
217
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,566
That way, you're not stuck with
218
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,367
a lot of soggy hors d'oeuvres.
219
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,037
- Oh, we don't intend to have...
220
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,239
- Now for the
flower arrangement.
221
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,675
I suggest that the
alter be covered
222
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,578
with a bower of nasturtiums.
223
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,135
- Nasturtiums?
224
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,951
- Or if you prefer,
chrysanthemums.
225
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,054
- Chrysanthemums.
226
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,390
- I can see that he don't
know much about botany.
227
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,560
No, he doesn't.
228
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:47,430
- Leading to the alter,
I suggest a 75-foot
229
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:52,334
red plush carpet and the
ceremony starts promptly at three.
230
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,236
- Why does it have
to start at three?
231
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,739
- So I can get the carpet
back to the middle aisle
232
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,642
of the Beisel Theater for
their evening performance.
233
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,513
Now, on one side of the
alter will be an organist
234
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:07,550
and on the other side,
the Tabernacle Choir.
235
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,385
- What tabernacle choir?
236
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:10,887
- Well, you can have a choice.
237
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:14,023
Either the Salt Lake City
or the Stankwell Falls.
238
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,194
And I would recommend
the Stankwell Falls Choir.
239
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,796
They have a better bass section.
240
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,064
- That's what I heard.
241
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,531
- Now, where did you hear that?
242
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:26,725
- Now we come to the actual
nuptuation part of the ceremony.
243
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,239
- I was afraid you
were gonna forget that.
244
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,541
- Now, to perform the
wedding ceremony,
245
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:36,345
you have a choice
of a ship's captain,
246
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,515
a judge who was turned
down for the Supreme Court,
247
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,785
or a Dalai Lama.
248
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,553
Course the wedding
will have to be moved
249
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,288
to Tibet if you want him.
250
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,126
- Ralph says she
wants Mr. Drucker.
251
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,862
- A non-union
justice of the peace?
252
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,666
- Well, she's known
him all her life.
253
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,200
- It's all right with me.
254
00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,769
Course you
realize if you furnish
255
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:03,806
your own justice of the peace,
there'll be a corkage charge.
256
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,976
- What does that mean?
257
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,779
- What about the reception
after the ceremony?
258
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:13,449
- Well, I would
suggest a buffet table
259
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,753
laden with foods
from all over the world.
260
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,321
Melons from the Island of Casaba
261
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:23,592
and smoked salmon
from the Delta of the Nile.
262
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:27,463
Artichoke hearts from
Abyssinia and chicken livers.
263
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,098
- Where does that come from?
264
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,833
- Usually from chickens.
265
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:35,271
- I oughta...
- What about dancing?
266
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,674
- The wedding guests
will dance to the music
267
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:41,110
of the ever popular
John Philip Sousa.
268
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,846
- That's your favorite.
269
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,114
- He can't...
270
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,316
- Mr. Haney, what
would this cost?
271
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,118
- A lot less than you think.
272
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,587
- I was thinking of $100.
273
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,757
- Well, if you're willing
to give up the melons
274
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,760
from the Island of
Casaba, we got a deal.
275
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:06,192
- Ralph.
276
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,637
Ralph!
277
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,229
- Oh, look what you made me do.
278
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,777
- Why do you have
to hammer at this, ow!
279
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:16,312
Ooh.
280
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,181
- What's the matter, your
corns bothering you again?
281
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,316
- What are you building?
282
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,451
- A hope chest to
put all my things in.
283
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,195
- What you got, you
can put in a paper sack.
284
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,691
- If I wasn't so happy,
I'd bash your head in.
285
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:29,926
- You're not really gonna marry
286
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,594
that feather-brained
Kimball, are you?
287
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:35,431
- Hanky is good and
kind and sweet and true.
288
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:36,699
Besides, he loves me.
289
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:38,403
- That's what I said,
he's a feather brain.
290
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,236
- Alf, I...
291
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,503
- You realize what it'll
mean if you marry him?
292
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:43,272
It'll be the end of
the Monroe Brothers.
293
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,641
All those years of
chicken coop building
294
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,543
gone in one puff of passion.
295
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,346
- Alf, look at it this way.
296
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,513
You're not losing a brother.
297
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:53,082
You're gaining a county agent.
298
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,017
- What do I need
a county agent for?
299
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,518
Ralph, don't leave me.
300
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:58,087
You know I'm afraid to
sleep alone in the house.
301
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,321
- Buy yourself a dog.
302
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:00,757
- Nobody can take your place.
303
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,560
- Alf, if you...
- What do you got in here?
304
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,028
- My trousseau.
305
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:08,564
- That's my trousseau
and these are my pajamas.
306
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:09,799
- Aw, Alf.
307
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,467
I just wanna borrow
them for my wedding night.
308
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,236
I haven't got anything
feminine to wear.
309
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:14,470
- These are not feminine.
310
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:17,240
They're official Roy
Rogers sleepies.
311
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,277
If you want them,
you can have them.
312
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,466
- Thanks, Alf.
313
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:25,081
You know, I'm gonna miss you.
314
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,283
- I'm gonna miss you too.
315
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,018
We had a lot of fun together.
316
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,452
- Yeah.
317
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,088
Remember that
three-story chicken house
318
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,423
we built over at
Crabwell Corners?
319
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,658
- Yeah.
320
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:36,759
I wonder if that
fellow ever found
321
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:38,427
a three-story chicken for it.
322
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:45,067
- Oh, remember the barn we
built for Charlie Kenworthy?
323
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:46,602
- Yeah, we did a
great job on that.
324
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,971
- Uh-huh, stood up
for almost two weeks.
325
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,431
- Oh, Sunday it'll all be over.
326
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,879
Remember, sis, if
it doesn't work out,
327
00:13:56,903 --> 00:14:00,950
you can always come back here
and be a Monroe Brother again.
328
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,140
- Thanks, Alf.
329
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,586
- Good luck, Ralph.
330
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:15,965
Lisa, did you iron...
331
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,266
- You can't go in there.
332
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:18,201
- Why not?
333
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,635
- Ralph is getting dressed.
334
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:20,769
- I need a handkerchief.
335
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:21,938
- Later.
336
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:24,240
- Later?
- Oh, you look very handsome.
337
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,574
- Yeah, you look beautiful.
338
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:28,744
- Weddings always bring
out the beautiful in me.
339
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:31,714
- Oh, you don't need a
wedding to look beautiful.
340
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,850
- You're after something.
341
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,484
- A handkerchief.
342
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,486
- I'll bring out
one for you later.
343
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,388
How are things going outside?
344
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:40,589
- Oh, fine.
345
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,391
- Did Mr. Haney bring
the refreshments?
346
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,692
- Yeah, the last I saw of him,
347
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,761
he was putting prices
on the sandwiches.
348
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,231
- Oliver!
349
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,732
- Oh, don't worry,
everything's gonna be fine.
350
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:52,801
Sam, just talk into
the mouthpiece.
351
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,536
- Dearly beloved, we
are gathered here...
352
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,637
- No, no, no, no.
353
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,273
You've got to press the button
354
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,876
to activate the
public addresses.
355
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:03,880
- Mr. Drucker,
what are you doing?
356
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,748
- Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here.
357
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,853
- What is that thing?
358
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,488
- Well, that's the $35
359
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,891
public address system
that you ordered.
360
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,959
- I didn't order that!
361
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:18,194
- You didn't?
362
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,562
Well, it's right
here on the list.
363
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,799
Right underneath the
Rockette dancing girls.
364
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,034
Oh, I'm sorry, this is a list
365
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:28,104
for the $800 Blakewell wedding.
366
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,338
- I don't care.
367
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,440
Look, all I want
is what I ordered.
368
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,776
- Everything's here.
369
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,644
- Where are the
chairs for the guests?
370
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,380
- Well, they'll be
along in a minute.
371
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:41,017
You see, the funeral lasted
a little longer than I figured.
372
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:43,752
- The funeral?
373
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,021
Look, Mr. Haney.
374
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,822
- Oh, by the way.
375
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,691
Which wedding march do
you want the organist to play?
376
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:51,127
- Who's the organist?
377
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,151
- Me.
378
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:53,919
- You?
379
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,599
A mouth organ?
380
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,937
- Well, with the $35
public address system,
381
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,805
you don't need
all of them pipes.
382
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,340
Just listen.
383
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,879
- I'm here.
384
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:11,903
I'm here.
385
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,351
- Ralph, Ralph.
386
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:16,652
- It was a false alarm.
387
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,487
- Well, I told you
they weren't ready yet.
388
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,356
Now go back into the
house and get ready.
389
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,824
- All right, promise
you'll call me.
390
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,962
- She's a nervous wreck.
391
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:28,564
- If you think she's nervous,
you oughta see Mr. Kimball.
392
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,407
- Mr. Kimball.
393
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:39,608
- Oh.
394
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:40,943
Is it time to go yet, Warden?
395
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,479
- Oh, come on, relax, relax.
396
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,348
It'll be over
before you know it.
397
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,882
- Before I know what?
398
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,684
- Oh, now, Mr. Kimball, here.
399
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,252
Come on, come on now, here.
400
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,820
My legs are weak.
401
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,623
- Hey, maybe a
little snort would help.
402
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,025
- Yeah, maybe it would.
403
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,090
Boy, you're right, it did help.
404
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,164
You know, I keep wondering
if I'm making a mistake.
405
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,000
- You love Ralph, don't you?
406
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,234
- Who's Ralph don't you?
407
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,437
- Ralph Monroe.
408
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,007
- Oh, yeah, yeah,
I guess I love her.
409
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,375
Well, every time
she comes close,
410
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,010
I break out in a cold sweat.
411
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,468
My hands get clammy
and my legs get weak.
412
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:19,615
Is that love?
413
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:24,220
- Well, either that or she's
a Hong Kong flu carrier.
414
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,991
Mr. Kimball, having doubts
is perfectly natural and all.
415
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:31,427
You're gonna have
a beautiful wedding
416
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,363
and you're gonna have a
lot of fun on your honeymoon.
417
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,665
- Could I talk to
you man to man?
418
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,134
Mm-hmm.
419
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:41,803
- Well, you see, my father
never had a talk with me about...
420
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:46,575
Well, you're married and
maybe you could tell me,
421
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:49,445
well, you know,
the facts of life.
422
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:50,712
- What do you wanna know?
423
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:54,372
- Well, when Ralph
and I are alone in the...
424
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,320
When do I put on
the aftershave lotion?
425
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,623
- Try it after you shave.
426
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,328
- Now, do I do that before
or after I take off my shoes?
427
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:09,798
- Look, don't worry about it.
428
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:13,069
These things have a way
of taking care of themselves.
429
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,537
- They do?
430
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:17,073
Boy, I feel better already.
431
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,274
- Look, it won't be long now
432
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,177
before Mr. Drucker
ties the knot.
433
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,081
Oh, come on now,
easy, easy, easy.
434
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,015
Relax, I got you, I got you.
435
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:30,586
- If there be any
man here with reason
436
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,889
why these two should not
be joined in holy wedlock,
437
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:38,194
let him speak now or
forever after hold his peace.
438
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,098
Do you, Ralph Waldo Monroe,
439
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,700
take this man to be your
lawful wedded husband?
440
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,034
- I do.
441
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,237
- And do you, Henry
Wadsworth Kimball,
442
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:51,929
take this woman for
your lawful wedded wife?
443
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,477
- Answer him.
444
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:56,568
- What was the question?
445
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,281
- Just say, "I do," dummy.
446
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:00,305
- I do, dummy.
447
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,741
- Now, who has the ring?
448
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,390
Take this ring and
place it on her finger
449
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:11,582
and say, "With this
ring, I thee wed."
450
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,097
- Well, say it.
451
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:16,031
- Why should I say it?
452
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,055
It's his ring.
453
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:21,403
- Mr. Kimball,
you have to say it.
454
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:22,427
- I do, dummy.
455
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:24,473
- No, no.
456
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,842
With this ring, I thee wed.
457
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:28,410
- Oh.
458
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,701
With this wed, I thee ring.
459
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:32,581
- Is that close enough?
460
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:33,605
- That's fine.
461
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,552
- By the power vested in me,
462
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:39,488
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
463
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,459
- Hanky, I'm waiting.
464
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:44,483
- Oh.
465
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,263
Welcome aboard.
466
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,902
- Good luck, Mrs. Kimball.
467
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,171
- Mrs. Kimball.
468
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,339
Doesn't that sound
wonderful, Hanky?
469
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,574
- Mrs. Kimball?
470
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,318
You can't use that,
that's my mother's name.
471
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,679
Congratulations, Hank.
472
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:04,780
- Thank you.
473
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:05,804
- Goodbye.
474
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,040
Throw the bouquet.
475
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:13,422
- What am I supposed
to do with this?
476
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,894
- Woo, that's over.
477
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:21,664
- Ooh, that was a
wonderful wedding.
478
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,765
- Well, everything's
satisfactory?
479
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,100
- Oh yes, Mr. Haney.
480
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:26,368
It was very nice.
481
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,036
- Thank you.
482
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,605
Your bill.
483
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,363
- The bride isn't
cold yet and...
484
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:37,413
All right, I'll send you
a check in the morning.
485
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,380
Come on, Lisa.
486
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,682
Time for some champagne.
487
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:41,584
- Oh, you sure tie
a mean knot, Sam.
488
00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:43,118
- Oh, thank you.
489
00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:45,487
- Oh, Mr. Drucker, that
was a beautiful ceremony.
490
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:48,123
- Yeah, it was a
real doobie-whacker.
491
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:49,658
- Well, I'm glad you liked it.
492
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:52,027
You know, this marks kind
of a milestone in my career.
493
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:54,763
This is the 295th
wedding I've performed
494
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,732
since I became a
justice of the peace.
495
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,567
- Well, congratulations.
496
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,002
- Sam, can anyone be
a justice of the peace?
497
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:02,238
- Oh yeah, I suppose so.
498
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:03,405
All you gotta do is apply
499
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:04,940
to the state capitol
for a license.
500
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,174
Then you just have to make sure
501
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:07,976
that you renew
it every 10 years,
502
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,213
like I have to renew mine
the 10th of this month.
503
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:12,781
- Last Wednesday was the 10th.
504
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,583
- Last Wednesday.
505
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,417
It was?
506
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:16,585
- Uh-huh.
507
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,754
- Holy smoke, I'm expired.
508
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:22,625
- Well, they're
not really married.
509
00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:24,893
But Oliver, they're
on their honeymoon.
510
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,829
Do you know what that means?
511
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:28,964
- That ain't funny.
512
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,699
You realize my
sister's going to a motel
513
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,033
with an unmarried man?
514
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,305
- Hank, you'd better
go get the bags.
515
00:21:36,329 --> 00:21:38,073
- Oh yeah, I'll be right back.
516
00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:39,675
Well, put me down.
517
00:21:39,699 --> 00:21:40,699
- Oh yeah.
518
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,914
- Hanky?
- What?
519
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:48,150
- Aren't you gonna
kiss me goodbye?
520
00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:49,752
- Where you going?
521
00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:51,920
- Well, you're going
out to get the bags.
522
00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:53,455
It'd be the first time
we'd been separated
523
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:54,923
since we were married.
524
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:56,258
- How about that?
525
00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:08,537
- Hank?
526
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,372
There's something
missing in here.
527
00:22:10,396 --> 00:22:11,407
- There is?
528
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:12,574
What?
529
00:22:12,598 --> 00:22:16,645
- The room doesn't have a B-E-D.
530
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:17,680
- You mean bed.
531
00:22:17,704 --> 00:22:18,814
- Mother was right.
532
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:19,981
All men are beasts.
533
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,751
- Gee, all I said was...
534
00:22:22,775 --> 00:22:25,008
- I wonder if it's in here.
535
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,056
Oh.
536
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,025
Gee, I never slept
standing up before.
537
00:22:31,718 --> 00:22:33,629
- You have to pull it down.
538
00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:35,230
- Oh.
539
00:22:35,254 --> 00:22:36,432
- Well, not in front of me.
540
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:40,836
Hank, why don't you go outside
541
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,471
for a little while
and have a smoke?
542
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:43,495
- Oh.
543
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:46,965
I don't smoke.
544
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:51,301
- Well, why don't
you buy a newspaper?
545
00:22:52,238 --> 00:22:53,248
- I already read it.
546
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,218
- Hank, why don't
you just go outside
547
00:22:56,242 --> 00:22:59,455
for about 15 minutes while I...
548
00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,579
- Oh, I see what you mean.
549
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:05,361
No, I don't see what you mean.
550
00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:06,795
Just go take a walk.
551
00:23:06,819 --> 00:23:08,029
- Yes, sir.
552
00:23:31,277 --> 00:23:32,443
- Who's there?
553
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:34,746
- Me.
554
00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:38,927
- Oh, for the love of,
what are you doing here?
555
00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:40,662
You're supposed to
be on your honeymoon.
556
00:23:40,686 --> 00:23:42,364
- Oh, fine honeymoon.
557
00:23:42,388 --> 00:23:43,766
- What happened?
558
00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:45,289
- It was terrible.
559
00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:49,037
When we got to the motel
room, I asked Hanky to go out
560
00:23:49,061 --> 00:23:52,140
and take a walk for 15
minutes till I got comfortable.
561
00:23:52,164 --> 00:23:53,308
First thing I know,
562
00:23:53,332 --> 00:23:55,878
a woman starts
screaming in the next room.
563
00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:58,213
The door flies open
and Hanky flies out
564
00:23:58,237 --> 00:24:00,916
and this big fellow comes out
and starts beating up on him
565
00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,118
and I hear sirens and,
566
00:24:03,142 --> 00:24:05,521
well, he's in the
emergency hospital again.
567
00:24:06,913 --> 00:24:08,390
- Oh, brother.
568
00:24:08,414 --> 00:24:11,226
- Well, it's a good thing
because after you left,
569
00:24:11,250 --> 00:24:14,496
we found out that
Mr. Drucker was expired.
570
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:15,531
- What?
571
00:24:15,555 --> 00:24:17,065
- His license was no good.
572
00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:19,668
You and Hank were never married.
573
00:24:19,692 --> 00:24:20,791
- We weren't?
574
00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:24,272
- You mean if Hank
had come back and...
575
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:26,965
Oh.
576
00:24:28,233 --> 00:24:29,445
- Oliver, Oliver.
577
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:30,879
Do something.
578
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:32,414
- As soon as I've
had some coffee.
579
00:24:33,673 --> 00:24:34,683
- Oliver.
580
00:24:34,707 --> 00:24:35,517
- Oh.
581
00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:37,085
Oh, oh, oh, where am I?
582
00:24:37,109 --> 00:24:38,854
- Oh, you're safe.
583
00:24:38,878 --> 00:24:40,121
- But I'm married.
584
00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:41,590
- Oh, don't worry.
585
00:24:41,614 --> 00:24:43,425
As soon as Mr. Kimball
comes out of the hospital,
586
00:24:43,449 --> 00:24:45,494
we'll have another wedding.
587
00:24:45,518 --> 00:24:48,029
- Shall we discuss
the arrangements?
588
00:25:25,691 --> 00:25:29,860
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.
38257
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