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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:22,032 ♪ Green Acres is the place to be 2 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:26,036 ♪ Farm livin' is the life for me 3 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:29,939 ♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide 4 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:34,144 ♪ Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside 5 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:38,115 ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay 6 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:42,152 ♪ I get allergic smelling hay 7 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:46,056 ♪ I just adore a penthouse view 8 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:50,249 ♪ Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue 9 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:57,401 ♪ The chores ♪ The stores ♪ Fresh air 10 00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,969 ♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife 11 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,971 ♪ Good bye, city life 12 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:05,597 ♪ Green Acres we are there 13 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,988 Mr. Douglas, Mr. Douglas! 14 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:21,113 Mr. Douglas, Mr. Douglas! 15 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,120 Mr. Douglas! 16 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,667 You'd be more comfortable if you slept on the couch. 17 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,191 - You fizzle head! 18 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,305 - Oliver, you'd be more comfortable if you slept 19 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,428 on the couch. 20 00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,008 - I wasn't... 21 00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,610 - You should have seen what was going on in town. 22 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,679 There was a big parade, and somebody made a speech, 23 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:45,048 and they closed the high school for the rest of the day. 24 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:46,283 - What happened? 25 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,085 - You got a special delivery letter. 26 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,252 - What? 27 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,687 - Isn't it exciting? 28 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,189 - It sure is. 29 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,756 It's the first special delivery letter that's been received 30 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,393 in Hooterville since Jack Barnum wrote to Carl Bailey 31 00:01:56,417 --> 00:02:00,197 asking him if he wanted to go into the circus business. 32 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,698 - Who are they? 33 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,534 - Surely you've heard of the Jack and Carl circus. 34 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:06,035 - Eb, may I please have the letter? 35 00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,704 - I haven't got it. 36 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:08,638 - Where is it? 37 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,340 - It's still at Drucker's. 38 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,874 - Well why didn't you bring it? 39 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:15,145 - Mr. Drucker says he has to deliver it in person. 40 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,913 - Well, when is he gonna deliver it? 41 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,616 - Thursday, that's special delivery day. 42 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,051 - Oh, for... - Well who was it from? 43 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,287 - I don't know, Mr. Drucker wouldn't let me get near it. 44 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,157 But it was a big official looking envelope. 45 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,182 - Oliver, maybe you've been drafted. 46 00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,029 - Oh, it's impossible. 47 00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:36,666 - No sir, they're scraping the bottom of the barrel. 48 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,503 - Look Eb... - For World War One. 49 00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:40,737 - Eb, if you don't know... 50 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,772 - I bet I know who the letter is from. 51 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:45,942 The Department of Infernal Revenue. 52 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,277 - Infernal? 53 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:50,147 - You know, the ones you're always cheating. 54 00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,914 - I don't cheat. 55 00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:55,552 - Then why did they send you special delivery letter? 56 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,387 - We don't know who sent it. 57 00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,589 - You will Thursday when Mr. Drucker delivers it. 58 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,823 - I'm not waiting till Thursday. 59 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,392 I'm going in and picking it up now. 60 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,793 - You can't do that. 61 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,028 - Why not? 62 00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:06,329 - It's on display for the thousands of people 63 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,665 who've never seen a special delivery letter. 64 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,034 People are lined up for miles, excursion buses 65 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,469 are coming in. 66 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:15,071 The airlines are flying special charter planes, and... 67 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,428 - Come on, Lisa. 68 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:23,446 - Well, if it isn't from the draft board, 69 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:26,416 or the Infernal Revenue, who do you think it's from? 70 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,451 - I haven't the... - Oh I know. 71 00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,054 I bet it's from that bookie you owe money to. 72 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,856 - I don't owe any bookie any... 73 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,113 No, I paid him. 74 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,126 - Maybe it's from... 75 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,928 - Lisa, will you stop worrying? 76 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,197 It's probably nothing. 77 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:43,200 - Then why did they send it special delivery? 78 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,569 - I'll know that as soon as we get to Drucker's. 79 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,204 - Well it must be bad news. 80 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,738 - Oh for... 81 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,507 - I remember when we lived in Hungary, my father got 82 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:52,975 a special delivery letter telling him he was 83 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,245 no longer the king. 84 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,914 - Your father wasn't the king. 85 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,417 - Not after he got that letter, he wasn't. 86 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,919 We had to move out of the palace, and he got a job 87 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:06,456 as a waiter in an Italian restaurant. 88 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:10,293 He had to go to school at night to learn a new accent. 89 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,828 - Lisa, will you just relax? 90 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,731 - And while my father was working in the restaurant, 91 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,733 you know what my poor mother had to do? 92 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,167 She had to take... 93 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,278 - Oh good afternoon, folks. 94 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,179 - Hello there, Mr. Drucker. 95 00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,482 - Say, you missed a parade. 96 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:33,717 - Parade? 97 00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,184 - Yeah, well they closed down the high school, 98 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,319 and there was speeches. 99 00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:38,187 - You mean Eb wasn't kidding? 100 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,689 - Oh no, sir. 101 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,491 This happens every year, to celebrate the founding 102 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,727 of the Jack and Carl circus. 103 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:47,764 - This town is absolutely... Is that... 104 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,832 What are you doing? 105 00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,968 - Dusting my pickles. 106 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,202 - Dusting your... 107 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,738 - Oh well these are just plastic pickles. 108 00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:57,173 Keeps people from swiping 'em. 109 00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:59,542 I got a barrel full of the real ones out back. 110 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,744 How many do you want? 111 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,945 - Ah, Mr. Drucker, I heard you had a special 112 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,581 delivery letter for me. 113 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:05,771 - Oh yes, sir. 114 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:11,688 - Why would plastic pickles be more expensive? 115 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:14,991 - I don't do much repeat business with them. 116 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,593 - Could I please have the letter? 117 00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,027 - Oh yes, sir. 118 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,363 - What do the plastic pickles taste like? 119 00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,498 - Doggone if I know. 120 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,366 - May I have my letter, please? 121 00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,434 - Letter? 122 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:25,868 Oh yeah, your letter. 123 00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,338 Say, you know that's the first special delivery letter 124 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,973 we got since Jack Barnum wrote to Carl Bailey... 125 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,676 - I heard this story. 126 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,445 - Oh, well, it's too bad you missed that parade. 127 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,746 - The letter? 128 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,715 - Oh, here you are. 129 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,082 - Alright, thank... 130 00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,884 Well, Mr. Drucker, this letter isn't for me. 131 00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,320 It's for Mr. Kimball. 132 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,254 - Let me see that. 133 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,157 Doggone, I must have given him your letter by mistake. 134 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,794 - Oh, how could you do a thing like that? 135 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:51,761 - Well, you know Hank. 136 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,663 He can confuse anybody. 137 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,264 - Well, what about my letter? 138 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,033 - Well, if you just wait till Monday... 139 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,301 - Monday? 140 00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:01,237 - Yeah, that's misdelivery day. 141 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,005 That's the day I go around exchanging all 142 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,542 the letters I've misdelivered. 143 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:06,943 - Eh, never mind. 144 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,110 I'll go over to Kimball's and get it myself. 145 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,713 - Then would you mind giving him this? 146 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:10,980 - Oh sure, yes of course. 147 00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,215 Come on, Lisa. 148 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,450 - Mr. Drucker, I don't think I'll take any 149 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,017 of the plastic pickles. 150 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,786 They don't taste very good. 151 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,331 - Huh. 152 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,521 Huh, huh, huh. 153 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,460 - Oh, hello there, Mr. Kimball. 154 00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,708 - Oh, hello there. 155 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,665 I'll be right with you. 156 00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:48,150 - What is he looking at in the microphone? 157 00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,286 - The microscope. 158 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,988 - Very interesting specimen. 159 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,323 Care to look at it through the microphone? 160 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,292 - Now see, he called it a microphone. 161 00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,194 - I don't care what he called it. 162 00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,863 - It's a specimen of a female corn borer. 163 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,097 - Oh? 164 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,031 - Like to see what one looks like? 165 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,289 - Say, yes, I certainly would. 166 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,560 What the... 167 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,709 - Those corn borers are really built, huh? 168 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,477 Now, what can I do for ya? 169 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,345 - Oh, Mr. Drucker said that he gave you a... 170 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,448 - Mr. Kimball, what are these? 171 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,383 - Oh, that's my fruit fly collection. 172 00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,185 Yeah, I've been a fruit fly fan for years. 173 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,855 - What's a flew fly flan? 174 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,958 - Uh, no no, it's a flute fly flam. 175 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,294 Or is it a flew flum flop? 176 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:34,898 No, I believe it's a flee flew flip. 177 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,132 - Mr. Ki... 178 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,334 - I used to collect she sells by the seashore. 179 00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:39,235 - Seashells. 180 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:40,369 - Flop flip flap? 181 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,271 - Show shells by the shoe store? 182 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,173 - Flick flock flew. 183 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,675 - Look, perhaps I can straighten this out. 184 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,266 Mr. Kimball is a fruit fly fan. 185 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,681 And you collected seashells by the seashore. 186 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,917 And that we've cleared that up, I'd like my special 187 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:56,018 ledivery detter did... 188 00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,822 My sp-... 189 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,590 Do you have it? 190 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:01,524 - Have what? 191 00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:04,293 - His special ledivery detter. 192 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,162 - Special ledivery? 193 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,353 - Special delivery letter. 194 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:10,967 Mr. Drucker gave it to you by mistake, 195 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,536 and he gave me your letter. 196 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,905 - Oh, well that seems fair. 197 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,207 Is there anything else I can do for you? 198 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,408 - I want my letter. 199 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,744 - Letter, who was it from? 200 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:23,079 - I don't know. 201 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,448 - Then how do you know it was for you? 202 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:28,518 - Would you please pull your little mind together? 203 00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,520 - How do I do that? 204 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:31,988 - I'm talking to him. 205 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,756 - How do I do that? 206 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:34,946 - Mr. Kimball. 207 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,595 Did Mr. Drucker give you a letter this morning? 208 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,629 - Yes, he did. 209 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,253 - Now, what did you do with it? 210 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,834 - Oh well, let's see. 211 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,925 I gave it to Fred Ziffel. 212 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,339 - Why did you give it to him? 213 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,174 - Well, he said he'd be going by your house later, 214 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,043 and he'd drop it off. 215 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,478 - Thank you very much. 216 00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:56,668 Come on, Lisa. 217 00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,282 - Hey, just a minute, just a minute, here. 218 00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,007 What about my letter? 219 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,877 - You have it in your hand. 220 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,224 - Well how'd it get there? 221 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,393 - Goodbye, Mr. Kimball! 222 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:11,417 - Uh, bye. 223 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:15,965 Ah, doggone it. 224 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,968 I shoulda given him this to mail for me. 225 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:19,992 Oh, well. 226 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,714 - Mr. Douglas. 227 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,783 - Eb, you're supposed to be working. 228 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,317 - How can I work until I know what was in your 229 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:38,154 special ledivery detter? 230 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,389 - I don't know, I didn't get it yet. 231 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,892 - Didn't Mr. Ziffel bring it over here? 232 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:43,826 - No Ma'am. 233 00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,327 How did Mr. Ziffel get it? 234 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,597 - Well, Mr. Drucker gave it by mistake to Mr. Kimball, 235 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,732 and Mr. Kimball gave it to Mr. Ziffel, 236 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,201 to bring it over to Mr. Douglas. 237 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,904 - Golly, what a suspenseful story of Mr. Douglas 238 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,339 and the United States Mail. 239 00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:58,975 Will he ever get his letter? 240 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,778 What mysterious message does it contain? 241 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,212 Is it from one of his former wives, 242 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,214 threatening to expose him? 243 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,516 - What former wife? 244 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,851 - Or maybe it's a message from your mother 245 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:11,688 with your allowance check. 246 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,023 - Will you please get to work? 247 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,224 - Yes sir. 248 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,158 If you want me, I'll be out in the cornfield 249 00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:19,028 looking for female corn borers. 250 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,229 - Ooh, that... 251 00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:22,231 - Oliver, aren't you going over to Mr. Ziffel 252 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,666 to get the letter? 253 00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:24,834 - Oh, he'll bring it over himself. 254 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,958 He's a very reliable man. 255 00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:31,207 - What are ya lookin' at, Fred? 256 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,876 - Marathon movie matinee. 257 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,244 - When did it go on? 258 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:37,535 - September the 12th, 1965. 259 00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,149 - You know Fred, when I married you, 260 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:43,086 I didn't think you had a sense of humor. 261 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,823 It's taken me 25 years to find out I was right. 262 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,557 - Doris, I'm trying to watch the movie. 263 00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:51,527 Will you stop flappin' your gums? 264 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,162 - Well what about that special delivery letter 265 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,297 you were supposed to take over to Mr. Douglas? 266 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,866 - Just soon as this is over. 267 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,034 - When will that be? 268 00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,058 - 1989. 269 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,305 - Fred, if I wasn't a prisoner of love, 270 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,996 I'd walk out on you. 271 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,532 Now you oughtta get over there, it's probably important. 272 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,384 Now, where's he going? 273 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,248 - To the Pixley Plunge for his swimming lesson. 274 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,290 Oh, give him a quarter. 275 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:22,792 - Give him a quarter, what for? 276 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:25,427 - So as he can get somethin' to eat with the other kids 277 00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,263 after his swimmin' lesson. 278 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:33,002 - Doggone it, it cost a fortune to raise kids nowadays. 279 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,026 Oh, Arnold. 280 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:38,041 On your way to the station, drop this off at the Douglas'. 281 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,232 Now, no back talk. 282 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,519 Doggone kids. 283 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,454 You do everything for them, and then you ask them 284 00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,757 to do something, they don't want to do it. 285 00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,393 - Well, you were the one that wanted children. 286 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,164 - Lisa. 287 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,598 Yes? 288 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:03,900 - Oh, did Mr. Ziffel bring the letter over yet? 289 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,134 - No. 290 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,203 But I think I figured out who it is from. 291 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,738 - Who? 292 00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:12,008 - Oliver, I'm sorry to tell you, but your bank ruptured. 293 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,509 - What? 294 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,913 - Well the letter is from the bank, and you are ruptured. 295 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,347 - Eh, Lisa... 296 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,116 - It must be from the bank, because the last time 297 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:23,052 you got a special delivery letter, it was from them 298 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,055 reminding you that you owe money on the note. 299 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,191 - I don't have any notes outstanding. 300 00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:30,059 - Alright, Mr. Wise Guy. 301 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,461 Then who is the letter from? 302 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:35,231 - I haven't the faintest idea. 303 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,499 - Well aren't you worried? 304 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,202 - Look, would it make you feel better if we took a ride 305 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,070 over to the Ziffels and get the letter? 306 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,471 - It certainly would. 307 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,495 - Let's go. 308 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,512 - Answer the door! 309 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:53,582 - I will, as soon as the next commercial comes on. 310 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,606 - Oh... 311 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,153 Well, howdy, Ms. Douglas! 312 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,222 - Oh, hello there, Mrs. Ziffel. 313 00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:02,191 - Oh, Ms. Douglas, my, don't you look scrumptious. 314 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,392 - Why thank you. 315 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:04,961 - Did you make that dress yourself? 316 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:07,130 - No, it's a Christian Dior. 317 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:10,900 - Oh, I never got a catalog from them. 318 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,735 - Eh, Ms. Ziffel, do you think we could interrupt 319 00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:14,436 Mr. Ziffel for a moment? 320 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,460 - Oh, sure. 321 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,741 - Now, what did you do that for? 322 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:19,675 - Watch it! 323 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:20,709 We got company. 324 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,179 - Why, hello, Mrs. Douglas. 325 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,847 - Oh hello there, Mr. Ziffel. 326 00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:27,416 - You know, it's always a pleasure to see a woman 327 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,851 that looks like a woman. 328 00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,820 - Oh, wait till they leave. 329 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,655 - Eh, Mr. Ziffel... 330 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,557 - What about that special delivery letter you've got? 331 00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:38,861 You didn't go bank ruptured or nothin'? 332 00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:40,663 - I never got the letter. 333 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,698 - Well we gave it to Arnold earlier this afternoon 334 00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,834 to drop off at your place. 335 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,435 - He never brought it. 336 00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,670 - He didn't? 337 00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,427 Arnold, come in here. 338 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:54,265 - He's painting his room. 339 00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,569 Isn't that an awful color? 340 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,351 - Arnold, what did you do with Mr. Douglas' letter? 341 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,156 Now, what did you want to go and do that for? 342 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,024 - What'd he say? 343 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,225 - He said he ate it. 344 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,463 No, he said he mailed it when he was over in Pixley. 345 00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,565 Wish you'd stop slurring your words. 346 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,991 - What did you... 347 00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:24,440 I mean, what did he mail it for? 348 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,944 - Uh, after he had his swimming lessons, 349 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,812 he went and had hamburgers with the kids. 350 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,182 And he didn't want to lose the letter, 351 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,018 so he put it in the mailbox. 352 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,387 - That was very smart of him. 353 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,522 - I don't think that was very smart. 354 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:41,958 - Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. 355 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:42,892 They probably got your letter 356 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,027 over at the Pixley Post Office. 357 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,428 - Let's go get it. 358 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,432 - Arnold says that the post office at Pixley 359 00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,935 closes at five o'clock. 360 00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:55,404 - Oh for the love of... 361 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:59,597 Well, then I'll go up there first thing in the morning. 362 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:06,983 Which window? 363 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,672 This one. 364 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,287 - Good morning, may I help you? 365 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,956 - Yes, I wanted to... - I'm with him. 366 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,457 - Um, Lisa, you... 367 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,859 - Well I just wanted him to know so that he doesn't think 368 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,695 that there is a long line. 369 00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:21,197 - Fine now. 370 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,965 I want to talk to you about a special delivery letter. 371 00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:24,166 - Special delivery? 372 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,368 That's window two. 373 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:26,202 - Thank you. 374 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:27,226 - Thank you. 375 00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:32,174 - Good morning, may I help you? 376 00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:33,776 - He looks familiar. 377 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,644 Didn't we see him at the other window? 378 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:36,678 - Oh not me. 379 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,080 That's my twin brother. 380 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,270 - Your twin... 381 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,244 - What's with him? 382 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,395 - Look, uh, I wanted to inquire about 383 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,862 a special delivery letter. 384 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,032 Well, the rates have been changed, it'll cost... 385 00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:56,966 - No, no. 386 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,401 I don't want to mail a letter. 387 00:15:58,425 --> 00:15:59,402 I'm looking for a special delivery letter that 388 00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:00,769 was sent to me. 389 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,372 My name is Douglas, Oliver Wendell Douglas. 390 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:07,509 - And I am Mrs. Douglas, Oliver Wendell Mrs. Douglas. 391 00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:08,744 - Will you please... 392 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,646 - You'll have to go to window one. 393 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,570 - No, we were just... - Window one. 394 00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,851 - Oh, for the love of... 395 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:16,953 Your brother told us... 396 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,788 - I don't have a brother. 397 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,379 Just a twin sister. 398 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:28,831 Now what can I do for you? 399 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,700 - Uh, I received a special delivery letter. 400 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,135 - From whom? 401 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,004 - I don't know, I didn't receive it. 402 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,472 - But you just said... 403 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,474 - If you'd just let me tell you the whole story... 404 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,909 - It's very interesting the way the whole thing happened. 405 00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,411 You see, he got a special... 406 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,213 - Lisa, Lisa, why don't you go over and look at 407 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,481 the wanted posters? 408 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,017 See if your uncle is still up there. 409 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,486 - Your uncle is wanted? 410 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,356 - No no, he just makes things up like that. 411 00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,380 You see... 412 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,448 - Oh. 413 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,861 You were saying, sir. 414 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,397 - This special delivery letter was sent to 415 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,166 the Hooterville Post Office, and Mr. Drucker... 416 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,668 - He's the Postmaster. 417 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:09,372 - Yes, I know him, he's a very nice man. 418 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,241 - Oh yes, he's one of the nicest men I ever met. 419 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,310 - He's real... - Ahem. 420 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:15,611 - Oh, I'm sorry. 421 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,513 Go right ahead. 422 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,981 - Thank you. 423 00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,384 Anyway, Mr. Drucker gave the letter 424 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,252 to Mr. Kimball by mistake. 425 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,721 Mr. Kimball gave it to Mr. Ziffel, 426 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:28,124 who was supposed to bring the letter over to my farm. 427 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,559 But instead, he gave it to his pig, who came up here 428 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:35,431 to Pixley to take his swimming lesson, and he mailed it. 429 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,699 - The pig mailed it? 430 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,723 - Yes. 431 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,071 - I see what you mean, honey. 432 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,606 - Look, where could the letter be now? 433 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,742 - Why don't you ask at window four? 434 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:47,766 - Uh huh. 435 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,679 Well there is no window four. 436 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,549 - I'm sure you'll imagine one. 437 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,351 - Look, just answer this. 438 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,654 If somebody put a letter in the mailbox here in Pixley 439 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:02,891 yesterday afternoon, where would it be now? 440 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,226 - It was probably put on the cannon ball 441 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,695 and taken back to Hooterville. 442 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,800 - Oh, hello there, Mr. Haney. 443 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:15,993 - Mrs. Douglas and Mr. Douglas, a good morning to you both. 444 00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,208 - Mr. Haney, are you feeling all right? 445 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:20,676 - Tip top, why? 446 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,978 - You didn't try to sell us anything. 447 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:26,282 - Mr. Douglas, it would be unethical for me to park 448 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:29,518 in front of Sam's store and try and sell you something 449 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,554 whilst his store is open. 450 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,022 - Oliver, the store is closed. 451 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,147 - In that case, I'm open. 452 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:49,271 Now, how can I be of service to you? 453 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:53,309 - You can tell us why Mr. Drucker's store is closed. 454 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,333 - He's out. 455 00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:59,047 That'll be 15 cents. 456 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,015 - For what? 457 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,651 - For answering your question. 458 00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:05,588 - You want me to pay you for answering a question? 459 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:06,612 - Yes. 460 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,693 That'll be another 15 cents. 461 00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,829 Now, will there be anything else you want to know, 462 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,599 before I total up your bill? 463 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,234 - Do you know where he went? 464 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,258 - Yes, I do. 465 00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,571 - Uh, how come you didn't charge my wife 466 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,473 for answering her question? 467 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,330 Well, it's ladies day. 468 00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,211 - When will Mr. Drucker be back? 469 00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,979 - What did she say? 470 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,549 - She said, "When will Mr. Drucker be back?" 471 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:34,573 - Later. 472 00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:39,721 You notice, I just charged you ten cents for that, 473 00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:43,225 'cause it was a second hand question. 474 00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:44,693 - Oliver! 475 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:48,118 Oliver, I think I see the letter in our mailbox. 476 00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:54,503 - I can't see anything. 477 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,273 Care to buy a pair of Japanese opera glasses? 478 00:19:57,297 --> 00:20:01,910 Made for the emperor himself, to watch Japanese operas with. 479 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,445 - How much are they? 480 00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:06,948 - 47 yen, which according to the current 481 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:08,972 rate of exchange is $47. 482 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,454 - I'm not buying... 483 00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:15,391 - Perhaps you'd like to rent 'em at 5 yen per hour, 484 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:19,183 which at the current rate of exchange is $62. 485 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:24,733 You see, the rate of exchange keeps fluctuating. 486 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,602 - I'll give you a quarter for them. 487 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,103 - I'll take it. 488 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:31,973 - We sure have had a lot of fluctuating today. 489 00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:33,275 - I can't see a thing. 490 00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:35,444 - Oliver, why don't we just go in? 491 00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,479 - We can't, the store is locked. 492 00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:42,218 - Could I interest you in a professional lock picking kit? 493 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,785 - Lock picking? 494 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:47,556 - It bears the good house breaking seal of approval. 495 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,025 - Oh, I'm not picking any locks! 496 00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:51,527 - Then perhaps you'd like one of these 497 00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:53,618 patented window smashers. 498 00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:58,767 - This model is endorsed by the FBI, 499 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,392 the federal burglars' institute. 500 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,139 - Look, will you... 501 00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:06,908 - Would you care for a $10 demonstration? 502 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,478 Haney! 503 00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:10,846 - Uh oh. 504 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:13,115 - I don't want... - You're just in time. 505 00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:16,518 Mr. Douglas was gonna break in to your store. 506 00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:17,819 - I wasn't! 507 00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,955 - Is there any reward? 508 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:20,979 - No. 509 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,126 Haney, how many times have I told you not to park 510 00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:28,230 in front of my store and cut into my business? 511 00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:31,734 - Sam, I only open my store when yours is closed. 512 00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:33,335 - I'm open. 513 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:34,759 - And I'm closed. 514 00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:42,144 See, I ain't hard to get along with. 515 00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,780 - Mr. Drucker, about that special delivery letter. 516 00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,315 - Oh yes, it came in on a cannon ball 517 00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:48,384 from Pixley this morning. 518 00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:49,718 - Where is it? 519 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:50,852 - Well, I just took it out to your house 520 00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,543 and left it with Eb. 521 00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:00,262 - Mr. Douglas! 522 00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:02,063 Mr. Drucker brought your letter over and left it with me. 523 00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:03,499 - Oh, fine. 524 00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:05,233 May I please have it? 525 00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:07,670 - Do you have any identification? 526 00:22:07,694 --> 00:22:09,171 - What do I need... 527 00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:10,906 - Mr. Drucker swore me in as an assistant special 528 00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:13,975 delivery deliverer, and gave me strict orders to be sure 529 00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:17,012 and give it to the person it's addressed to. 530 00:22:17,036 --> 00:22:18,414 - Eb, if you don't... 531 00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,349 - Now, do you have anything to prove that you're 532 00:22:20,373 --> 00:22:22,318 Mrs. Oliver Wendell Douglas? 533 00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:24,742 - I don't... Mrs.? 534 00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:29,024 - That's what the assistant delivery deliverer said. 535 00:22:29,048 --> 00:22:30,459 Mrs. 536 00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:31,794 - You mean all this time it's been for you, 537 00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:33,829 and I've been... 538 00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:35,964 - May I have the envelope please? 539 00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:37,822 - Here you are, ma'am. 540 00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:41,203 - Doesn't she need any identification? 541 00:22:41,227 --> 00:22:43,772 - No, she looks honest. 542 00:22:43,796 --> 00:22:45,407 - Oh, you... - Fine. 543 00:22:45,431 --> 00:22:47,676 Well, you finally did it to me. 544 00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,177 - I did what? 545 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,780 - Boy, when you go on a fink spree, you go all the way. 546 00:22:51,804 --> 00:22:53,549 - What are you talking about? 547 00:22:53,573 --> 00:22:55,250 - Thanks to you, I missed it. 548 00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:56,774 - You missed what? 549 00:22:58,244 --> 00:23:00,255 You are cordially invited to attend a special sale 550 00:23:00,279 --> 00:23:03,826 of chinchilla coats at LaRue Frers. 551 00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:04,893 - What's a frer? 552 00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:06,895 - It's French for brother. 553 00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:08,797 - Do you notice when the sale was? 554 00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:09,832 Yesterday. 555 00:23:09,856 --> 00:23:10,856 - Oh, frer! 556 00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:13,969 - No wonder you were stalling, you didn't want me 557 00:23:13,993 --> 00:23:15,170 to get the letter. 558 00:23:15,194 --> 00:23:17,072 You made Mr. Drucker give it to Mr. Kimball, 559 00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:18,741 and Mr. Kimball gave it to Mr. Ziffel. 560 00:23:18,765 --> 00:23:19,975 - Oh Lisa, I didn't. 561 00:23:19,999 --> 00:23:21,643 - You didn't want me to go to New York, 562 00:23:21,667 --> 00:23:24,045 because you didn't want me to get the coat. 563 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:27,949 Because you're a cheapskate with a capital cheap. 564 00:23:27,973 --> 00:23:30,151 - I repeat, oh frer. 565 00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:31,175 - Oh Lisa! 566 00:23:33,513 --> 00:23:34,690 - It'll be interesting to see how he lies 567 00:23:34,714 --> 00:23:36,792 his way out of this one. 568 00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:41,930 - Lisa. 569 00:23:41,954 --> 00:23:43,353 - Don't touch me. 570 00:23:44,356 --> 00:23:45,567 - I want to talk to you. 571 00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:47,257 - Talk to my lawyer. 572 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,760 - I'm your lawyer. 573 00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:53,241 - Then talk to yourself. 574 00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:55,411 - Lisa, now you're being unreasonable. 575 00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:56,812 I didn't know what was in the letter. 576 00:23:56,836 --> 00:23:58,280 I didn't even know it was for you. 577 00:23:58,304 --> 00:23:59,970 - That's your story. 578 00:24:00,873 --> 00:24:03,652 - Now you're being silly. 579 00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:05,320 I'm going to go to sleep. 580 00:24:05,344 --> 00:24:07,088 - Now you're being silly. 581 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:09,157 Because nobody's going to go to sleep until 582 00:24:09,181 --> 00:24:11,159 this thing is settled. 583 00:24:11,183 --> 00:24:13,194 - Lisa, would it make you happy if I said 584 00:24:13,218 --> 00:24:15,497 I'd buy you a chinchilla coat? 585 00:24:15,521 --> 00:24:17,098 - No, it wouldn't. 586 00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:18,634 - What? 587 00:24:18,658 --> 00:24:21,036 - There is no sense in buying anything unless it's on sale. 588 00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:23,705 Any shnook can walk in and pay retail. 589 00:24:23,729 --> 00:24:28,477 A woman isn't a woman unless she's 30% off. 590 00:24:28,501 --> 00:24:30,779 - Oh, well then you're a woman, alright. 591 00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:33,081 Because you're more than 30% off. 592 00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,584 You're more like 70% off. 593 00:24:35,608 --> 00:24:36,608 - Well! 594 00:24:37,710 --> 00:24:39,120 - Where are you going? 595 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,923 - To make some coffee. 596 00:24:40,947 --> 00:24:45,461 Because this is going to be a long night, Wendell. 597 00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:25,734 This has been 598 00:25:25,758 --> 00:25:28,325 a Filmways presentation, darling. 39697

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