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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
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♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
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00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:30,173
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
4
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:34,478
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
5
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:38,315
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
6
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:42,219
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
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00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:46,189
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
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00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:50,382
♪ Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
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00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:57,534
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
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♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
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♪ Good bye, city life
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♪ Green Acres we are there
13
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- Lisa, have you
finished packing yet?
14
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:23,793
The plane leaves in an hour.
15
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,028
- Oliver.
- What?
16
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,996
- Do you like this
cocktail dress?
17
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,032
- Well, you've
already packed two.
18
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:31,868
- Well, the way you
drink, I need at least three.
19
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,904
Now, would you please
find me another suitcase?
20
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,096
- I'll look in the closet.
21
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,245
- Mr. Douglas, Mr. Douglas!
22
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,613
Where's Mr. Douglas?
23
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,015
- He's in the closet
looking for a suitcase.
24
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,039
- Oh.
25
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:49,652
You ought to turn
the light on in there
26
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,888
so you can see better.
27
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,256
- Why don't you be more...
28
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,691
- Mr. Douglas, you're famous.
29
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,226
Mr. Drucker wrote a
whole story about you
30
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,494
in the World Guardian.
31
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,329
They got a picture
of you and everything.
32
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:00,353
Look.
33
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,537
- That's not a very good
picture of you, Oliver.
34
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:08,771
- That's not me.
- Oh, his picture's
35
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,174
on page six with
the underwear ads.
36
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:14,444
But listen to what
they wrote about you.
37
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:18,081
Local pig to become
multimillionaire.
38
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:19,938
- I'm not a local pig.
39
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,120
- Arnold Ziffel will
leave for Chicago today
40
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,621
to put in his claim
for the estate
41
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,857
of the late Gustav
Burnbacher, the pork king.
42
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,660
In his will, Mr. Burnbacher
left his entire fortune
43
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,129
to Herman the pig,
44
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:35,064
whose picture appeared on
every Burnbacher pork product.
45
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,966
- I thought you said
this story was about me?
46
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,735
- You're comin' up soon.
47
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,271
Unfortunately, Herman
died of a broken heart
48
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,473
grieving over
Mr. Burnbacher's demise,
49
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,008
and under the terms of the will,
50
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:48,411
the estate goes to any of
Herman's living relatives.
51
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:51,781
- There is nothing sadder
than a pig with a broken heart.
52
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,951
- I think this whole
thing is a lot sadder.
53
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:57,320
- What does it say
about Mr. Douglas?
54
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,821
- Later.
55
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,324
Arnold's claim to the
estate is based on his ability
56
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,426
to predict the
weather with his tail,
57
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:06,062
a trait which he inherited
from his great grandfather,
58
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:09,699
Herman, who was also
a famous tail predictor.
59
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,301
- This is ridiculous.
60
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,302
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
61
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,237
Here you are.
62
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,473
Arnold will be
accompanied to Chicago
63
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:21,311
by Oliver Wendell Douglas,
the famous pig lawyer.
64
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,479
- Pig lawyer?
65
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,013
- And when you went to Harvard,
66
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,082
they said you wouldn't
amount to anything.
67
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,651
- They were right.
68
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,886
- Arnold will also be
accompanied on his trip
69
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:33,290
by Mrs. Lisa Douglas, the
beautiful and glamorous wife
70
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:36,793
of Oliver Douglas,
the famous pig lawyer.
71
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,062
- Why do they keep saying that?
72
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:42,666
- Because Arnold is a
pig, and you are his lawyer.
73
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,768
- Also in the party will
be Arnold's lifelong friend,
74
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:46,792
Eb Dawson.
75
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,971
- Oh no.
76
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,940
Oh no, you're not going.
77
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,842
- It says right here
in the paper I am.
78
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:57,547
- I don't care what it says in
the paper, you are not going.
79
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,149
- Mr. Douglas, you've
gotta take me with you.
80
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,185
I'm the only one that can
translate Arnold's grunts
81
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:05,622
into English and his tail
into weather forecasts.
82
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,856
- I don't care.
83
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,425
You are not going.
84
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,594
I want you to stay here
and take care of the farm.
85
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:12,529
- Well, you're going
to look pretty silly
86
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,832
when the Burnbacher lawyer
asks you what Arnold's tail
87
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:19,102
says about the weather
and you sit there staring at it
88
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,738
with a dumb look on your face.
89
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,206
- Look, Lisa...
90
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,442
- I can be a bigger help to
you in Chicago than I can here.
91
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:28,010
I can pigsit at night
while you and the beautiful
92
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:32,682
and glamorous Mrs. Douglas
are out gettin' crocked.
93
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,584
- Eb, you are not going.
94
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,609
Come in.
95
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,058
- Howdy, folks.
96
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,082
- Howdy.
97
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,887
The Red Baron flies again.
98
00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:53,303
- Mr. Ziffel, we were going
to pick Arnold up on the way
99
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:54,504
to the airport.
100
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,806
- Well, Arnold couldn't wait.
101
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,742
He's anxious to
get on the plane.
102
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,846
- What's the weather gonna
be for the flight, Arnold?
103
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:04,781
Great.
104
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,783
According to Arnold's tail,
it's gonna be fair and warmer
105
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,252
with a few scattered
clouds over Nebraska.
106
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,854
The barometer reads
30.2, and the dewpoint is...
107
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:14,123
- Will you knock it off?
108
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,526
- Well, anyway, his tail
does say fair and warmer.
109
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:17,716
Now, can I go?
110
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:20,486
- No.
111
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,766
- Hear that Arnold?
112
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,470
Mr. Douglas ain't
gonna let me go with you.
113
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:30,106
Arnold says if I
don't go, he don't go.
114
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,376
- Well, fine, then
I won't have to go.
115
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,679
I'm not crazy about
the whole idea anyway.
116
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,114
Going to Chicago
to represent a pig.
117
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:44,153
- Mr. Douglas, me and Doris
and Arnold are countin' on you,
118
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,856
and we want you to know that
when Arnold gets his money,
119
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:51,060
we won't forget the pig
lawyer that made it possible.
120
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:55,131
- If people don't stop
calling me a pig lawyer.
121
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:58,034
- Oh, Oliver, my father
always said it doesn't matter
122
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:02,038
what they call you, as long
as you know who you are.
123
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:05,475
- That sounds like something
your father would say.
124
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,311
- Mr. Douglas, I'd feel a
lot better if you'd take Eb.
125
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,814
He'd be a lot of company for
Arnold, and he could babysit
126
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:14,451
with him while you two
are out gettin' crocked.
127
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:18,755
- Who started all this
business about getting crocked?
128
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,458
- You did with
all your drinking.
129
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:24,661
Lisa, I don't think that...
130
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:25,995
- Arnold says we
better get going
131
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,664
or we're going
to miss the plane.
132
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:28,688
- Tell him.
133
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,902
Never mind, get the bags.
134
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,371
Put 'em in the car.
135
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:35,805
- Includin' mine?
136
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,829
- Okay, including yours.
137
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,732
- Chicago, here we come!
138
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,515
Your attention please.
139
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,384
Now arriving at Gate Six.
140
00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:50,987
Transbixley Airlines
Flight 14 from Hooterville.
141
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:54,424
Passengers, please claim
your baggage at counter three.
142
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,273
- Where is Arnold?
143
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,341
- He stopped to buy a camera.
144
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,843
- A camera?
145
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,945
- Yeah, he said he wanted
to send pictures of Chicago
146
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,447
to Doris and Fred.
147
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,416
- Oh, I hope he won't get lost.
148
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,683
- I couldn't be that lucky.
149
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,118
- Oliver.
150
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,753
- Oh, that we could
forget this whole nightmare
151
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,822
and get back to...
- Baggage checks, please.
152
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:28,012
- Oh, I have eight pieces.
153
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,127
- There are only
seven checks here.
154
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,061
- Oh, here is one.
155
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,530
This is for my jewelry case.
156
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,064
- That black one's mine.
157
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,566
- Yeah, and that brown
one right there is mine.
158
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,034
- Could we get a porter?
159
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:41,059
- Sorry, Mack, but
there aren't any.
160
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,907
Just a second, sport.
161
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:44,996
What are you?
162
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:47,966
That's a pig.
163
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:52,515
- Care to have him
take your picture?
164
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:54,050
- Leave that bag alone.
165
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,051
- That's his.
166
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,185
- Where's his check?
167
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,787
- He ate it.
168
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,557
- I'm sorry, no baggage
without a check.
169
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,561
- You'd better show a
little more respect to Arnold.
170
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:05,995
You know what he's worth?
171
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,263
- Oh, with the
current pice of pork,
172
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,599
I'd say about 30 bucks.
173
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:12,301
- He's worth $20 million.
174
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,492
- $20 million?
175
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,973
Hey, is this the pig I've been
reading about in the papers
176
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,075
that's gonna inherit
the Burnbacher fortune?
177
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,243
- That's him, Arnold Ziffel.
178
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,615
- Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Ziffel.
179
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:28,406
It's a pleasure
to meet you, sir.
180
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,789
You don't need no baggage check.
181
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,390
- How about a porter?
182
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:35,725
- Oh, he doesn't
need a porter either.
183
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:36,826
I'll take his bag.
184
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,294
Right this way, Mr. Ziffel.
185
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,062
Say, I got an invention you
might be interested in backing.
186
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:41,686
- Oh, for the love.
187
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,717
- How do you do, and
how may I help you?
188
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,284
- May we have a room please?
189
00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,720
- And do you have a reservation?
190
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,321
- Yes, the name is Douglas.
191
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,924
- Douglas, let me see.
192
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:10,092
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm afraid we
don't have any reservation
193
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,327
for a Douglas.
194
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,429
- Oh, well maybe he made
it under another name.
195
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:16,265
Some time he
uses Smith or Jones.
196
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,800
- Lisa.
197
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,468
The name is Douglas.
198
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,993
- Well, I'm sorry, sir, but...
199
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,397
What is that?
200
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:28,912
- It's a pig.
201
00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:30,312
- I'm sorry, sir.
202
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:33,016
We do not allow
animals in our hotel.
203
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,617
- He has a reservation.
204
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:35,852
- Not here.
205
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,787
Maybe at the stockyards.
206
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,191
- Mr. Ziffel says he
wants to see the manager.
207
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,382
- Well, you tell Mr. Ziff.
208
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,296
Did you say Ziffel?
209
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,866
- That's right, Arnold Ziffel.
210
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,369
- Isn't that the
gentleman who's heir
211
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,572
to the Burnbacher estate?
212
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:56,573
- That's the one.
213
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,007
- Look, about our room.
214
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,676
- Just a moment.
215
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,579
Mr. Ziffel, I can't tell
you what an honor it is
216
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,513
to have you stay with us.
217
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,883
We've reserved the
presidential suite for you.
218
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,821
- Arnold wants to know if
you got something better.
219
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,512
- Well, there's the royal suite.
220
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:21,497
- He says he'll take that.
221
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,967
Very good.
222
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:27,436
Show Mr. Ziffel
to the royal suite.
223
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,072
- Yes, sir.
224
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,763
May I have your bag, Mr. Ziffel?
225
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,782
- If you have any
trouble getting a room,
226
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,539
have 'em call Arnold.
227
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,189
- Are you with
Mr. Ziffel's party?
228
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,226
- Yes, my husband is his lawyer.
229
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,794
- Lisa, do you have
to tell everybody I'm...
230
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,163
- Well, if you're
with Mr. Ziffel,
231
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,833
I'm sure that we can
find something for you.
232
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:57,857
Let me see.
233
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,325
- After you, please.
234
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,241
- What is this?
235
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:07,910
- It's called a
junior suite, sir.
236
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:08,978
- Suite?
237
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,669
- Excuse me, please.
238
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:13,916
- Watch it.
239
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:14,851
- I beg your pardon.
240
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:15,875
I'm sorry.
241
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,243
Here we go.
242
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:23,392
It should just be a moment here.
243
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,583
This is the bathroom, sir.
244
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:27,897
What the?
245
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,398
- Oh, that's handy.
246
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:33,269
You can step right out
of bed and into the tub.
247
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,204
- Oh, I'm sorry.
248
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:38,229
And this is your
cedar-lined closet.
249
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:43,001
Well, door's warped again.
250
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,783
You see, you're right
over the boiler room here,
251
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:49,251
and the steam comes
up through the floor.
252
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,653
- That's why it's so hot here.
253
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:52,288
- Isn't there a
window in this room?
254
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,957
- Yes, sir, but
it's in the closet.
255
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,025
- Oh, we're not going to...
256
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,116
- I'll get your bag, sir.
257
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,251
Oh, excuse me.
258
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:05,356
Here, would you mind
moving over just a tiny bit.
259
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,369
That's it.
260
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,537
I think I got it now.
261
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,328
Okay, sure it's fine.
262
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,643
I'll just be a second here.
263
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,335
Just takes nothing but a minute.
264
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,304
Be back in a moment, sir.
265
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,021
- Oh, sorry.
266
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,288
I'm gonna call the manager.
267
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,590
Where's the telephone?
268
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:29,715
Come in.
269
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,461
I can't open the door.
270
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,429
- Just a second.
271
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,954
Excuse me, let me get through.
272
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,337
- Hi.
273
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:44,640
Oh, you got yourself
a junior suite.
274
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,976
- This isn't a...
- Where is Arnold?
275
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,979
- Oh, he's up in our
suite taking a sauna bath.
276
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,614
- You have a sauna bath?
277
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,416
- Yeah, it's right off
the fourth bedroom.
278
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,085
Or it it off the dining room?
279
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,854
No, the dining room's
off the ping pong room,
280
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:00,223
right next to the throne room.
281
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,457
- The throne room?
282
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:04,560
- All royal suites
have a throne room.
283
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,028
- Look, I'm in no mood for...
284
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,563
- Anyway, Arnold wants to
know when we're all goin' over
285
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,098
to see the Burnbachers' lawyer.
286
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,399
- Look, I'll call for
an appointment
287
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,534
as soon as I can
find the telephone.
288
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,536
Your luggage, sir.
289
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,172
- I didn't order any luggage.
290
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,374
- No, that's ours.
291
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,708
- Where do you want it, sir?
292
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,377
- Well, where would you suggest?
293
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,412
- Well, most people
who take this room
294
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,714
just keep it right on the bed.
295
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,483
- That's handy.
296
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,085
- So is the bathtub.
297
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:32,554
You can step right out of
bed and step into the tub.
298
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:36,647
- Golly, this is really a
well thought out hotel.
299
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,597
- Would you like
anything else, sir?
300
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,632
- If I did, where
would you put it?
301
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,234
Where's the phone?
302
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,757
- Right here, sir.
303
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:50,572
- Thank you.
304
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:52,341
- Have a nice day.
305
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,010
The maintenance man
will be up right away to fix
306
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,145
the closet door.
307
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,079
Excuse me.
308
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,670
- Well, I think I'll freshen up.
309
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,151
Oh, Oliver.
310
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,953
Oliver, would you
please move the bed?
311
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:04,977
- Oh, yeah.
312
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,491
Would you mind
getting out of the way?
313
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:10,515
- Yes, sir.
314
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,566
- Get off the bed!
315
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,101
- Well, you told me
to get out of the way,
316
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,437
and the only way to go was up.
317
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,962
- Well, see you fellows later.
318
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:30,746
- Who's there?
319
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:31,513
Maintenance man.
320
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:32,871
- Just a second.
321
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:39,989
Come in.
322
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:40,890
- Is this the suite with
the stuck closet door?
323
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,914
- Yeah, yeah come on in.
324
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:55,972
- Hello?
325
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,340
I want long distance.
326
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,763
Hooterville 2331.
327
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,278
I want to talk to Sam Drucker.
328
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,113
He appointed me the
Chicago correspondent
329
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,414
for the World Guardian.
330
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,983
I'm supposed to call
him every day and tell him
331
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,752
what's happening with
the Arnold Ziffel story.
332
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,653
- Sure is stuck.
333
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,656
The steam from the boiler
room makes the wood swell up.
334
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,125
Someday that old
boiler's gonna come up
335
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:18,649
right through this room, blow!
336
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,730
- Right up through the...
- Hello, hello?
337
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,687
Didn't they answer yet?
338
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,269
- There we are.
339
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,304
Hey, you get a nice view of
the lake if you don't hang up
340
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,405
any clothes in there.
341
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:33,109
- What kind of a hotel...
- Hello, hello?
342
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:37,513
- I'd better check that
one too, pardon me.
343
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,714
- Hello there.
344
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:39,949
How do you do?
345
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,751
- Close the door,
you bird brain.
346
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,287
- Who you calling a bird brain?
347
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,288
- Mr. Drucker?
348
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:46,488
- Hello, hello?
349
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:47,623
- Hello.
350
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:48,624
- Eb?
351
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,159
- Oh no, the name is Kimball.
352
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,093
Hank Kimball.
353
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,561
Well, not Kimball Hank Kimball.
354
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:53,396
- Please.
355
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:54,230
Hello?
356
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:55,464
- Hello.
357
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,333
- What's happenin' in Chicago?
358
00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:00,002
- Gee, I don't know,
I haven't been there.
359
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,337
- I'm trying to talk to Eb.
360
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,171
Hello?
361
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,195
- Hello.
362
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:04,996
- Eb, what's?
363
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:07,276
I can't hear you.
364
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,478
What's all the commotion there?
365
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,502
What?
366
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,815
Holy sesame seeds.
367
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,750
Mr. Douglas is havin'
a fight with some fella.
368
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:15,952
- What about?
369
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:16,986
- This fella opened the
door on Mrs. Douglas
370
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,754
while she was in the bathtub.
371
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:22,091
- Wowee, that Chicago
really swings, huh?
372
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:22,925
- Hello?
373
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,126
- Hello.
374
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,128
- What about Arnold?
375
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,363
- Oh, didn't you hear?
376
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,831
He went to Chicago
to get $20 million.
377
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,767
- Hank, will you keep
your big nose out of this?
378
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:35,704
Look, Eb, when is Arnold
gonna get his money?
379
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,873
I can't hear ya, will
you talk a little louder?
380
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:39,330
- I'd be glad to.
381
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:41,810
- Hello?
382
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,678
- Hello.
383
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:43,801
- Look, what?
384
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,649
Oh, okay, I'll hold on.
385
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,319
The house detective just came
to take the other fella away,
386
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,954
and the hotel
doctor's trying to stop
387
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:53,422
Mr. Douglas' nose bleedin'.
388
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,158
- Boy, there's never a
dull moment in Detroit.
389
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,860
- They're in Chicago.
390
00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,096
- Didn't they like Detroit?
391
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:00,896
- Hello?
392
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,564
- Hello.
393
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,100
- What?
394
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,603
When is Mr. Douglas gonna
see the Burnbacher lawyer?
395
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,638
Oh, as soon as his
nose stops bleedin'.
396
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,474
Well, look, you call me
back and let me know
397
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:12,875
after they have their meeting.
398
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,076
- I'd be glad to.
399
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:14,910
- Good bye.
400
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,367
- Well, good bye.
401
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,215
- Of all the dad-blamed.
402
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:29,058
- It's a pleasure to meet you
Mr. Douglas, Mrs. Douglas.
403
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,526
- Sorry we're late.
404
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,061
- You see, we had to
wait for Mr. Douglas' nose
405
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:33,496
to stop bleeding.
406
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,297
He got into this terrible
fight with this man
407
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:38,767
who opened the bathroom
door while I was taking a bath.
408
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,036
- I don't understand.
409
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,704
- Well, you see, we've
got this junior suite.
410
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,373
Well, I guess it's
not really a suite.
411
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,908
It's a small room.
412
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:49,545
And you've gotta push the bed
over against the opposite wall
413
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,180
in order to open
the bathroom door.
414
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:54,850
- It has a lovely view of
the lake from the closet.
415
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:56,874
- From the closet?
- Yes.
416
00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:59,988
- Won't you sit down?
417
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,012
- Thank you.
418
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:06,495
- I was hoping that you would
bring the Ziffel pig with you
419
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,131
so that we could settle this
matter as quickly as possible.
420
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:11,434
- Eb was supposed to
meet us here with Arnold.
421
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:14,403
He's Arnold's interpretator.
422
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,272
- Did you have an
opportunity to read that copy
423
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,574
of Mr. Burnbacher's
will I sent you?
424
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,975
- No, I didn't.
425
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,878
- Lisa, Mr. Gerber's
talking to me.
426
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,213
Yes, yes I did read it.
427
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:26,515
It's a pretty strange document.
428
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,551
- Well, Mr. Burnbach
was a pretty strange man,
429
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:31,520
but it was his money, and if
wanted to leave it to a pig...
430
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:32,988
- Didn't he have any relatives?
431
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,856
- Just a sister-in-law
and her son,
432
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,392
but he couldn't stand them.
433
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:39,027
- That's the way my father
feels about Mr. Douglas.
434
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:42,398
That's why he's cutting
him out of his will.
435
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:45,134
- Your father doesn't have
anything to leave anybody
436
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:48,504
except a trunk full of
old Rubinoff records.
437
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,572
- Well!
438
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,806
My father has...
439
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,409
- May we please stick
to the subject at hand?
440
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,343
- Certainly.
441
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,245
- What is it?
442
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,481
When does Arnold get the money?
443
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,916
- Well, first we have
to establish that Arnold
444
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,918
is related to Herman.
445
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:06,122
Now, our research shows that
Mr. Burnbacher met Herman
446
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:09,291
in Hooterville, and your
Arnold comes from Hooterville.
447
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,927
- And Arnold can tell
the weather with his tail
448
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,562
just like Herman could.
449
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,998
- As soon as you can prove
that to my satisfaction...
450
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,590
Come in.
451
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,903
- Howdy, sorry we're late,
but Arnold wanted to stop
452
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,262
and pick up his sports coat.
453
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:27,709
- Sports coat.
454
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,745
- Isn't that beautiful?
455
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,581
- It looks like something Al
Capone would have worn.
456
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,316
- It was made
by Al's old tailor.
457
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:40,122
Arnold says it has a
built-in holster for his gat.
458
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,558
- If you don't mind, I'd
like to see a demonstration
459
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:44,326
of weather-predicting ability.
460
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,727
- Certainly.
461
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,129
Eb?
462
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,597
- Yes, sir.
463
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:51,567
All right, Arnold,
for $20 million,
464
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:54,336
what's the weather
gonna be like today?
465
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,773
- They don't even make
movies as bad as this.
466
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:00,509
- Come on, Arnold,
your forecast.
467
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,179
Holy smoke, he's
forecasting snow.
468
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:04,203
- In July?
469
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,316
- That's what his tail says.
470
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,951
See, it's curly and blue.
471
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:11,753
That means snow.
472
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:15,224
- May I read the official
United States weather forecast
473
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:17,526
for you for today?
474
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:21,719
Continued hot weather with
temperatures ranging in the 90s.
475
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,668
- How about two out of three?
476
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:29,860
I'm sorry, I'm afraid
this is not the pig.
477
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,813
- Just a moment.
478
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,781
And where do you
think you're going?
479
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:40,616
- To our room.
480
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,306
- Oh no, you're not.
481
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:44,953
- Why not?
482
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:48,624
- You, sir, are persona
non grata in this hotel.
483
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,826
- Well, that's the first
time you ever registered
484
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,683
under an Italian name.
485
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:55,931
- He means that...
486
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:58,734
- And would you
please get that filthy pig
487
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,391
out of our elevator?
488
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,672
- He ain't no filthy pig.
489
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,840
That's Mr. Ziffel.
490
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,530
- He was Mr. Ziffel.
491
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,967
Predicting snow in July?
492
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,349
- I just can't understand it.
493
00:21:13,373 --> 00:21:15,851
It's the first time his tail
has ever been wrong.
494
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,942
- Well, maybe his
coat was too tight.
495
00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:21,690
- No, I think it's because
he spent too much time
496
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:22,858
in the sauna bath.
497
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,728
The heat affected his predictor.
498
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:26,962
- His predictor?
499
00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:29,265
- You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
500
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:32,668
Pawning off a fraudulent
pig as a millionaire.
501
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:35,971
- I don't know why
you're blaming Mr. Grata.
502
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:38,507
When you thought that
Arnold was a millionaire,
503
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:41,710
you fell all over him,
but now that he blew it
504
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:44,946
with his tail, you're treating
him like he was a nothing.
505
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,782
Well, to you he
may be a nothing,
506
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,807
but to me he'll
always be a big pig.
507
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,355
- Well said, Mrs. Grata.
508
00:21:53,379 --> 00:21:54,623
Well, let's go pack.
509
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:56,358
- We packed for you.
510
00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:58,193
- Well, all right,
let's get out of here.
511
00:21:58,217 --> 00:22:00,663
- Not until you've
paid your bill.
512
00:22:00,687 --> 00:22:02,152
- I'll be glad to.
513
00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:05,323
$885, for what?
514
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,771
- It's all itemized.
515
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:12,441
$350 for the royal
suite for one night.
516
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,298
$228 for room service.
517
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,078
- Room service?
518
00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:20,316
- Arnold threw a champagne
party for all the chambermaids.
519
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:24,107
- And $185 for repapering
the ping pong room.
520
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:28,990
- Arnold didn't
like the wallpaper.
521
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:32,361
- Well, all I'm paying for is
that so-called junior suite.
522
00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:33,729
Now, how much was that?
523
00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:35,397
- Six dollars for the room
524
00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:39,189
and $25 for the services
of the hotel doctor.
525
00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,125
- Here's your money.
526
00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:45,040
Eb, get a cab.
- Yes, sir.
527
00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:47,710
- And who's going
to pay the pig's bill?
528
00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:49,044
- Get it from him.
529
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:50,946
- I will, one way or another.
530
00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:52,914
- What do you mean by that?
531
00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:57,118
- If we don't get it in cash,
we'll take it out in pork.
532
00:22:59,278 --> 00:23:01,289
- Oh, don't worry, Arnold.
533
00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:03,726
We won't let them
sausage you up.
534
00:23:03,750 --> 00:23:04,827
Oliver.
535
00:23:04,851 --> 00:23:06,016
- Mr. Douglas!
536
00:23:07,453 --> 00:23:08,552
It's snowing!
537
00:23:10,089 --> 00:23:11,299
- What?
538
00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:12,768
- In July?
539
00:23:12,792 --> 00:23:15,070
- Arnold, your tail was right.
540
00:23:15,094 --> 00:23:16,705
You're a millionaire again.
541
00:23:18,865 --> 00:23:22,010
- Mr. Ziffel, I can't tell
you how honored we are
542
00:23:22,034 --> 00:23:25,302
to have you staying
at our hotel again.
543
00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:35,746
- I can't believe it.
544
00:23:37,016 --> 00:23:38,994
I just can't believe it.
545
00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:40,896
- I think it's wonderful,
546
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,165
and you're wonderful for
all you've done for Arnold.
547
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:48,203
- Well, it's a pig lawyer's
job to look after his client.
548
00:23:48,227 --> 00:23:50,472
- What about a
pig lawyer's wife?
549
00:23:50,496 --> 00:23:52,708
Does he also look after her?
550
00:23:52,732 --> 00:23:53,898
- You know it.
551
00:23:57,369 --> 00:23:59,548
There's a bottle of
champagne under the bed.
552
00:23:59,572 --> 00:24:01,049
Arnold sent it down.
553
00:24:01,073 --> 00:24:03,585
He's giving another champagne
party for the chambermaids.
554
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,153
- No wonder we
can't get any towels.
555
00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:07,355
- Oh, well, he's having fun.
556
00:24:07,379 --> 00:24:08,624
- Yeah, he better be careful.
557
00:24:08,648 --> 00:24:10,759
He's gonna spend all his
money before he gets it.
558
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:11,993
- When does he get it?
559
00:24:12,017 --> 00:24:13,695
- Oh, there's a lot of
red tape to go through.
560
00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:14,996
The will have to go to probate.
561
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:16,965
All kinds of papers
to be signed.
562
00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:19,501
- Why don't you get a couple
of glasses from the bathroom
563
00:24:19,525 --> 00:24:20,769
for the champagne?
564
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,192
- Hey, good idea.
565
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,443
I'll be right back.
566
00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:30,634
Oh, now who left
the water in the tub?
567
00:24:33,238 --> 00:24:37,407
Well, long as I'm here,
might as well take a hot bath.
568
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:44,982
Don't go away.
569
00:25:24,524 --> 00:25:28,692
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.
37891
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