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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,711 EXCUSE ME. YES. 2 00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,756 I CAN'T READ THIS TEXT. 3 00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:20,542 I THINK MY BOYFRIEND BOUGHT ME AN HD TV. 4 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:21,847 BUT I LEFT MY GLASSES AT HOME. 5 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,197 I CAN'T SEE IT. 6 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:24,937 CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THAT SAYS? 7 00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:27,288 OH, IT SAYS, "YOU PROBABLY HAVE HPV. 8 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:28,898 "I THINK YOU SHOULD GET IT CHECKED OUT. 9 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:31,074 I'M SORRY." "I'M SORRY." 10 00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:34,730 SO, THAT'S NOT A TV? 11 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,123 THAT'S, UM... 12 00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:38,603 NO. THAT'S AN STD. 13 00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:41,215 MY BOYFRIEND GAVE ME AN STD. 14 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:42,825 I'M AFRAID -- WELL, UM... 15 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,566 I THINK HE'S SAYING SOMETHING. 16 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,394 I THINK THAT'S WHAT HE'S SAYING. 17 00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:47,830 OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. 18 00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,527 OH, MY GOD. 19 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,707 SOMEBODY TOLD ME I SHOULD STUFF MY PANTS. 20 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,100 HYAH! 21 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,624 A LITTLE LOWER DOWN THERE. 22 00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:02,410 OH, YEAH. WORK IT! 23 00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:04,716 OH! 24 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:05,935 ARE YOU BEING BAD? 25 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,378 OH, HI, THERE. 26 00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:17,947 I'M JUST SETTING UP FOR A LITTLE IMPROMPTU POTLUCK DINNER 27 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,732 THAT I ARRANGED WITH MY FRIENDS LAST MINUTE. 28 00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:22,691 OH, HERE THEY ARE NOW. 29 00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,954 HI, BETTY! 30 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,174 I BROUGHT MY DELICIOUS PASTA SALAD. 31 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,611 - IT LOOKS GREAT. - YEAH. 32 00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,830 AND I BROUGHT MY FAMOUS PECAN PIE. 33 00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:34,006 OH, HONEY, IT SMELLS DELICIOUS. 34 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:36,835 AND WHAT DID YOU MAKE, BETTY? 35 00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:43,451 EH, UH, I MADE, UH...PHONE CALLS TO ALL OF YOU. 36 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:44,887 LET'S EAT. 37 00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,111 OH. 38 00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:52,982 OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. 39 00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:54,157 OH. 40 00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:56,812 OH, NO. OH, NO! 41 00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:00,685 DAMN IT. 42 00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,080 OH. 43 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,647 I CAN FIX IT. 44 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,782 YOU JUST HOLD IT FOR ME. NOBODY WILL KNOW. 45 00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,133 WHAT? IT WILL BE OUR SECRET. 46 00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:14,917 OKAY. 47 00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:16,571 SMELLS GOOD, DOESN'T IT? YEAH. 48 00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:18,050 OH, GOD. 49 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,666 YEAH, I WILL. 50 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,844 YOU THINK THAT'S ENOUGH? DID I PUT IN ENOUGH? 51 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:32,239 NO. 52 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:33,631 THANK YOU. 53 00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:36,112 YOU OKAY? 54 00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:37,244 YEAH. 55 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:38,593 ALL RIGHT. 56 00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:41,944 I DON'T THINK HE EVER EXPECTED TO END UP HERE. 57 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,337 THANK YOU. 58 00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:02,921 MISS. A MOMENT. 59 00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:06,011 YOU CAN'T HAVE EAR BUDS IN WHEN YOU'RE WALKING HERE. 60 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,317 OKAY. 61 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:08,710 HANG ON. HANG ON. HANG ON. 62 00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:09,885 THERE'S A FINE FOR THAT. 63 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:12,322 ARE YOU SERIOUS? YES. 64 00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:13,758 HOW MUCH IS THE FINE? 65 00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:15,760 FIVE CENTS A MINUTE. HOW LONG WERE YOU ON IT? 66 00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:18,937 OKAY, SO I WAS ON IT FOR A MINUTE. 67 00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:20,069 ONE MINUTE. 68 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,940 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 69 00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:25,683 OKAY. WAIT A MINUTE. YOU NEED CHANGE. 70 00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:33,691 Man: WOULD YOU LADIES LIKE TO TRY A DOUGHNUT? 71 00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,302 OH, NO. BUT THEY LOOK DELICIOUS. 72 00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:36,781 YOU SURE? JULIE, YOU WANT TO TRY ONE? 73 00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:38,522 I ACTUALLY KIND OF WOULD. YES. OKAY. 74 00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:41,960 - THAT'S VERY GOOD. - DO YOU LIKE IT? 75 00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,310 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? 76 00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:45,312 I FOUND THEM IN THE TRASH OVER THERE, 77 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,705 AND I JUST TOOK OUT A COUPLE CIGARETTE BUTTS. 78 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,054 HMM. 79 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,795 WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER ONE? 80 00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:54,059 OKAY. 81 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,106 WELL, HAVE A GOOD DAY. 82 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,412 OKAY. BYE. 83 00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:04,287 ♪ NA NA NA NA NA ♪ 84 00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:09,205 EXCUSE ME, LADIES. 85 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:11,033 I HAVE TO RUN AND FRESHEN UP AT THE LADIES ROOM. 86 00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,687 COULD YOU WASH MY SCOOTER FOR JUST -- YEAH, NO PROBLEM. 87 00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,471 THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 88 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,655 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING THIS SCOOTER FOR ME. 89 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,788 I NEEDED TO FRESHEN UP. I FEEL A LOT BETTER. 90 00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:28,616 HAVE A GOOD DAY. 91 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,545 HI. WE'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU TWO TO LUNCH. 92 00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:45,546 AND HAVE A FEW DRINKS WITH US. 93 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,156 ON US. 94 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,723 WE JUST HAD LUNCH. HE HAS TO GO BACK TO WORK. 95 00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:49,854 YOU WANT TO MEET US FOR DINNER? 96 00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:51,465 I HAVE TO GO. 97 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:52,944 - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. - I DO. 98 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,729 I GOT TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST. 99 00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,121 WHAT'S UP? 100 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,949 WE'RE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A COUPLE 101 00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:00,778 TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH BOTH OF US. 102 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:03,607 AND WHEN WE SAW YOU COMING, WE GO, "THOSE ARE PERFECT 10s." 103 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,653 SHUT UP! 104 00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:07,481 YOU TWO ARE JUST GORGEOUS. 105 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,526 Man: WE'LL BUY YOU DRINKS IF YOU WANT. 106 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,311 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 107 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,182 IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, JUST LOOK FOR US ON CRAIGSLIST. 108 00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:16,141 BYE. THANK YOU. 109 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,360 Woman: BYE NOW! 110 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,410 HI, SIR. 111 00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:25,586 DO YOU MIND IF I INSTAGRAM YOUR FOOD? 112 00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:28,980 OH. 113 00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:32,027 #DREADFULFOOD. 114 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,475 I THINK IT'S SO IMPORTANT 115 00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:48,173 TO BE PREPARED IN THE EVENT OF A DISASTER. 116 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,002 THAT'S WHY I'M PACKING MYSELF A SURVIVAL KIT 117 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:53,831 FULL OF THINGS I WOULDN'T WANT TO GO WITHOUT 118 00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,355 IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY. 119 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:56,965 OKAY. 120 00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:58,662 GET IN. 121 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,040 - CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? - YEAH. 122 00:06:29,214 --> 00:06:30,738 I'M SNEAKING OUT TONIGHT. 123 00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:33,131 I HAVE A DATE WITH A YOUNGER GUY. 124 00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,829 - AND I NEED A YOUNGER GUY'S ADVICE. - AREN'T YOU A NUN? 125 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,265 YES. OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 126 00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,136 - OH, MY AUNT'S A NUN. - MAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME. 127 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,442 SHE'S A GOOD NUN. 128 00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:41,009 WELL, MAYBE I'M NOT SO GOOD. 129 00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:43,446 WHAT KIND OF UNDERWEAR DO GIRLS WEAR THESE DAYS? 130 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,579 - ARE YOU SERIOUS? - YEAH, WHAT DO YOU LIKE? 131 00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:46,841 YEAH. 132 00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,364 I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T FEEL RIGHT 133 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,061 HAVING THIS CONVERSATION 'CAUSE MY AUNT'S A NUN. 134 00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:51,846 - SHE HELPED RAISE ME. - WELL, I'M NOT YOUR AUNT. 135 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,587 I KNOW. 136 00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:55,371 BUT IT'S NOT BAD --LOOK ONLINE. VICTORIA'S SECRET. 137 00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,112 THANK YOU. 138 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:06,251 TODAY I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A GOOD WINGWOMAN. 139 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,992 EVERY GIRL NEEDS A BACK-UP 140 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:11,082 IF SHE'S GONNA TRY TO BAG A HOTTIE AT THE BAR. 141 00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:14,956 YOU DEFINITELY DON'T WANT A WINGWOMAN THAT'S GONNA COMPETE. 142 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:18,438 SO MAYBE PICK SOMEONE WHO'S UGLIER THAN YOU. 143 00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,440 ALSO, A GOOD WINGWOMAN 144 00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:24,139 NEVER, EVER LETS HER FRIEND DRINK TOO MUCH 145 00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:26,141 OR GETS DRUNK HERSELF. 146 00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,317 WOW. I JUST REALIZED. 147 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:31,755 I'M THE WORST WINGWOMAN IN THE WORLD. 148 00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:39,720 SIR? 149 00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:42,853 YOU HAVE TO FEED THE METER. 150 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:45,377 SIR, YOU GOT TO FEED IT. 151 00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:49,294 GOT TO FEED THE METER. 152 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,382 FEED THE METER. 153 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,689 I'M JUST GONNA SIT HERE. 154 00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,431 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ANY KIND OF MONEY 155 00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,520 IF YOU DON'T FEED THE METERS? 156 00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,566 COME ON. FEED THE METER. 157 00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:03,657 YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A QUARTER? 158 00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:05,789 GOT TO FEED THE METER. 159 00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:07,574 WHERE YOU GOING? 160 00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:10,794 SIR, YOU GOT TO FEED THE METER. 161 00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,492 NOBODY WANTS TO FEED THE METER. 162 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,629 EXCUSE ME, MA'AM. 163 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:21,370 WE GOT A CRANE COMING OVER. 164 00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:22,763 YOU JUST HAVE TO WEAR THIS. 165 00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,068 IT'LL BE -- IT'S COMING OVER THIS WAY. 166 00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:25,461 JUST WEAR THIS HARD HAT. 167 00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:26,549 SOMEONE WILL TAKE IT ON THE OTHER END. 168 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,509 YEAH, YEAH. JUST PUT IT ON YOUR HEAD. 169 00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:34,818 STOP. HERE? 170 00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:36,037 YEAH. OKAY. 171 00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:37,604 THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMITMENT. 172 00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:39,127 YOU MAY GO. 173 00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:41,782 - THANK YOU! - THANK YOU! 174 00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:49,267 EXCUSE ME. CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? 175 00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:50,834 SURE. 176 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,749 I JUST GOT A TEXT FROM MY NEW BOYFRIEND. 177 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:55,447 HE SAYS HE'S COMING HOME WITH CRABS, 178 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,319 AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PREPARE IT. 179 00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,234 OH. IT'S FROM HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND. 180 00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:00,714 IT'S A FUNNY GIFT, ISN'T IT? 181 00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,716 YEAH. I HAVE NO IDEA. I'VE NEVER PREPARED -- 182 00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,892 HE SAYS HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND GAVE HIM CRABS, 183 00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:07,459 AND IF I HAVE TO COOK THAT, I DON'T KNOW HOW. 184 00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,200 WELL, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GOOGLE SOMETHING. 185 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,332 THAT COULD HELP. 186 00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:11,768 OKAY. THANK YOU. 187 00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,814 GOOD LUCK. 188 00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,562 SIR, COULD YOU HELP ME A MINUTE, PLEASE? 189 00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:23,911 JUST HOLD THIS. 190 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,260 I GOT TO TAKE MY BONER PILL. 191 00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:29,046 I'M HAVING A PARTY IN ABOUT AN HOUR. 192 00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:30,918 I GOT ALL THESE CHICKS COMING OVER, 193 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,397 SO I GOT TO GET IT UP 194 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,269 BECAUSE IN 45 MINUTES, I GOT TO BE READY TO GO. 195 00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:35,705 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 196 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:36,967 YOU WANT TO COME TO THE PARTY? 197 00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,186 YOU'RE WELCOME TO COME TO IT. 198 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,404 IT'S GONNA BE GREAT. WE GOT ETHEL, 199 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,797 MARGARET, AND PEARL. 200 00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,538 AND HERE THEY ARE! OH, HEY, LADIES! 201 00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,279 HOW YOU DOING? OH, MY GOD. 202 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:45,889 YOU'RE GONNA MISS A GREAT PARTY. 203 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:48,588 OKAY. COME ON, GIRLS. LET'S GO. PARTY TIME. 204 00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:03,777 WELL, HELLO. I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 205 00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:07,955 THE AWARD FOR THE WORST BICYCLE SECURITY GUARD 206 00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:09,913 GOES TO YOU, SIR. 207 00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:11,306 CONGRATULATIONS. 208 00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:17,094 IS THERE ANYONE YOU'D LIKE TO THANK? 209 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:22,099 NO? OKAY. WELL, WELL DESERVED. 210 00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:23,623 THANK YOU. 211 00:10:31,761 --> 00:10:33,502 DO YOU MIND TAKING A PICTURE FOR MY WIFE? 212 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:34,503 I'M HERE ON VACATION. 213 00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:35,765 OKAY. ONE, TWO. 214 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,898 TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT READY. 215 00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:39,334 - I'M GONNA TAKE OFF MY HAT. - OKAY, I'M READY. 216 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,293 THE ONE YOU JUST TOOK IS FOR MY WIFE. 217 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,339 - THIS IS FOR MY EX-WIFE. - OH, ARE YOU SERIOUS? 218 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,430 MY EX-WIFE IS A BITCH. 219 00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:51,781 BYE. THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. 220 00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:54,131 THANK YOU. 221 00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,184 - I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION. - OKAY. 222 00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:05,708 MY DAUGHTER -- SHE WEARS GRANNY PANTIES, 223 00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:07,188 AND I CAN'T STAND IT. 224 00:11:07,362 --> 00:11:08,798 AND I WANT TO MAKE HER LIFE A LITTLE SEXIER. 225 00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,539 OKAY. 226 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:13,673 I CROCHETED HER THESE BIKINI, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER THEY ARE. 227 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:16,806 - CAN YOU SLIP THIS ON? - YEAH, OF COURSE. 228 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,199 OH, THANK YOU. 229 00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:19,287 IF IT WORKS OR NOT. 230 00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:21,289 OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC. 231 00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:22,986 IT WILL WORK. 232 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:28,470 IT'S JUST MAYBE I HAVE A BIGGER ASS THEN SHE DOES. 233 00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:30,602 YOU LOOK LIKE THE SAME SIZE. 234 00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:31,908 OH, FANTASTIC. I LOVE IT. 235 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:33,127 GOOD, GOOD. THANK YOU. 236 00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:34,737 THAT'S GREAT. YOU'RE WELCOME. 237 00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:38,045 I THOUGHT I'D TRY TO MAKE A LITTLE BRA, TOO. 238 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,221 - WOULDN'T THAT BE CUTE? - YEAH, REALLY CUTE. 239 00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:41,439 NICE MEETING YOU. GOOD LUCK. 240 00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,441 THANK YOU A LOT. 241 00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:49,012 ♪ BA BA BA BA BA, BA BA BA BA BA ♪ 242 00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:55,889 HERE WE ARE, HENRY. YOUR FAVORITE SPOT. 243 00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:58,282 I MISS YOU SO MUCH, HENRY. 244 00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,285 HERE GOES. 245 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:05,986 DON'T YOU LOVE IT, HENRY? I KNOW. 246 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,422 THIS IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE. 247 00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:11,165 OOH. COME ON, HENRY. 248 00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:12,601 OH. 249 00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:14,951 HENRY LOVED THIS PLACE. 250 00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,867 GET THAT NICE AFTERNOON SUN. 251 00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,784 THERE YOU GO, HENRY. 252 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,830 OH. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 253 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,483 TOM. TOM? 254 00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,790 YES. HENRY, THIS IS TOM. 255 00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:30,401 A LITTLE BIT MORE. 256 00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,534 THERE YOU GO. 257 00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:33,970 IT WAS A PLEASURE MEETING YOU. 258 00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:35,929 YOU AND HENRY HANG OUT FOR A WHILE. 259 00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:38,453 OKAY. 260 00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:46,766 Man: SIR? YES? 261 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,985 WHAT DAY IS TODAY? 262 00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:50,073 FRIDAY. 263 00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:51,161 AND WHAT YEAR IS THIS? 264 00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:52,597 2013. 265 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,861 OH, THEN THE ZARPICHINE DOES WORK. 266 00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:56,253 I'M BACK FROM THE FUTURE. 267 00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:58,299 AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 268 00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:01,128 YOUR GRANDCHILD IS GONNA DESTROY THE WORLD. 269 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,260 SO LET ME TELL YOU. 270 00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,393 JUST, UH, DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH SEX. 271 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:06,611 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 272 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,135 IT'LL HELP THE WORLD. 273 00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:10,441 AND I'M GOING BACK TO THE FUTURE. 274 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,487 OKAY. 275 00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:26,370 HEY, WILL YOU TAKE MY PICTURE? 276 00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:28,677 OKAY? YEAH. 277 00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,073 OKAY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 278 00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,814 LET'S SEE. LET'S SEE. 279 00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:38,905 PERFECT. 280 00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:40,167 THANK YOU. 281 00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:44,649 ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH-OOH ♪ 282 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,695 ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪ 283 00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:51,439 I TOLD MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW I'D CHECK OUT THIS PARK. 284 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:52,962 HAVE YOU BEEN HERE BEFORE? 285 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:56,009 WHERE ARE YOU FROM? 286 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,186 REALLY? OH. 287 00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,537 NOTE TO SELF -- AVOID FOREIGNERS. 288 00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,410 FIND MORE OF AN AMERICAN PARK. 289 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:08,760 REALLY. 290 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:12,242 I DON'T TRUST THEM. 291 00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:14,592 OH, MY GOODNESS. 292 00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:19,728 NOTE TO SELF -- STAY AWAY FROM RUDE FOREIGNERS. 293 00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:26,866 MISS. 294 00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:30,260 I'M JUST GONNA ASK YOU ABOUT THOSE JEANS. 295 00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:31,696 OKAY. 296 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,611 IT'S ABOUT INDECENT EXPOSURE. 297 00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:34,961 OH, MY GOD. 298 00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:36,788 THAT'S A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH. 299 00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,181 I'M GONNA HAVE TO WRITE YOU UP FOR THAT. 300 00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,705 - YOU'RE JOKING. - DO I LOOK LIKE I'M JOKING? 301 00:14:43,752 --> 00:14:46,668 OKAY. ARE YOU SERIOUS? 302 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,322 LOOK. I'M ONLY DOING MY JOB. 303 00:14:48,496 --> 00:14:50,541 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'VE BEEN DOING THIS ALL DAY. 304 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:53,501 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TICKET EVERYBODY WHO'S IN VIOLATION, 305 00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:54,806 WHICH YOU ARE. 306 00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,808 YOU TAKE THAT. YOU TAKE THIS. 307 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,767 I QUIT. I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE. 308 00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:00,290 I'M DONE. I'M DONE. 309 00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:01,770 I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMORE. 310 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,773 IF YOU CAN DO A BETTER JOB, GOD BLESS. 311 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:20,310 EXCUSE ME, LADIES. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN A SCOOTER? 312 00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:21,616 MY MOBILITY SCOOTER. 313 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,097 I GOT THIS APP ON MY PHONE. 314 00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:26,838 IT TELLS YOU WHERE YOUR SCOOTER IS, RIGHT? 315 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,884 IT SAYS IT'S AROUND HERE. 316 00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,233 YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK APPS? 317 00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:34,455 IT WORKS! HOT DANG! 318 00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:36,718 HEY. 319 00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,981 YEAH, RIGHT. 320 00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:41,462 AHH. 321 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,777 Man: EXCUSE ME. HI. 322 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,257 COULD YOU HELP ME A MINUTE, PLEASE? SURE. 323 00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:55,867 WONDER IF YOU CAN HELP ME A MINUTE. 324 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,087 I TOLD MY WIFE THAT I WAS GOING ON A BUSINESS TRIP, 325 00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,829 AND ACTUALLY I'M HERE JUST HAVING A GOOD TIME RELAXING 326 00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:02,222 AND READING THE NEWSPAPER. 327 00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:03,745 BUT I NEED, LIKE, AN ALIBI. 328 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,529 CRINKLE THE PAPER. IT WILL SOUND LIKE STATIC. 329 00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,270 LET ME GET HER ON THE PHONE. 330 00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,011 HONEY. OH, YEAH. 331 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,795 THE RECEPTION IS AWFUL. 332 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,015 OH, IT'S JUST AWFUL. 333 00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:14,930 THE STATIC IS REALLY, REALLY BAD. 334 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:16,845 COULD YOU TAKE ONE OF THESE PAPERS 335 00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,847 AND JUST CRINKLE IT AND WE'LL MAKE IT SOUND LIKE STATIC? 336 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:20,066 I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. JUST DO IT. 337 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,545 YOU SURE? 338 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:22,503 YEAH, YOU SHOULDN'T LIE TO YOUR WIFE. 339 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:23,983 BUT IT WILL HELP ME A LOT. 340 00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:31,207 HERE AT "OFF THEIR ROCKERS," WE RUN A TIGHT SHIP. 341 00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:34,515 BUT SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T GO ACCORDING TO PLAN. 342 00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:41,870 INTERESTING. 343 00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,915 WE'RE THE WRONG GUYS TO FOOL WITH THAT, THOUGH. 344 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,482 WE SEE THE CAMERAS. 345 00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,441 WE KIND OF KNOW WE'RE BEING FILMED RIGHT NOW. 346 00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:49,443 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 347 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:52,185 CAN YOU YELL, "HEY, MARVIN"? 348 00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,056 - I CAN'T. - MARVIN! 349 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:57,364 TELL HIM, "I'M OVULATING. LET'S MAKE A BABY." 350 00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:59,061 IS THIS A PRANK SHOW? 351 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:02,064 THIS IS LIKE THAT BETTY PA-- AND I CAN SEE A CAMERA. 352 00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,370 OH! 353 00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,067 I NEED YOU TO TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF. 354 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,373 YOU'RE THE LADY FROM "OFF THEIR ROCKERS," AREN'T YOU? 355 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,027 NO. WHAT'S THAT? 356 00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:10,594 IS THIS THE -- AM I ON THE BETTY WHITE SHOW RIGHT NOW? 357 00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:12,770 YOU ARE THAT LADY. I'VE SEEN THAT SHOW. 358 00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,250 Woman: I'M NOT THAT LADY. I'VE SEEN THAT SHOW SEVERAL TIMES. 359 00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:15,817 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 360 00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:17,558 IS THIS A JOKE? 361 00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,342 THIS IS A JOKE, ISN'T IT? 362 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:25,000 WHO? 363 00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,436 IS SHE AN ACTRESS? 364 00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:29,570 I KNOW THAT THIS IS A LITTLE BIT AWKWARD, 365 00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:33,704 BUT HE TOLD ME YOU WOULD BE HERE AND I'M DATING YOUR EX 366 00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:36,185 AND I JUST WANTED TO GET YOUR PERMISSION. OKAY? 367 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,231 I'VE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND IN MY LIFE. 368 00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:41,582 AND WE'RE ON "WORLD RECORD BREAKERS" 369 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,192 AND HE'S GOING TO ATTEMPT 370 00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,542 THE LONGEST ON-SCREEN KISS WITH EDNA. 371 00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:46,891 WITH YOU? 372 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,415 IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? 373 00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,852 NO. NO. HE'S NOT MY TYPE. 374 00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,071 OH. 375 00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,250 YOUR FRIENDS HAVE ARRANGED FOR YOU 376 00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,078 TO GET A GRANDMA GRAM TODAY. 377 00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,731 HERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PIE 378 00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:03,952 FROM WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL THAT I BAKED FOR YOU. 379 00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:07,999 OH, OH. I CAN'T EAT PIE. I'M DIABETIC. 380 00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:16,269 I'VE REALLY ENJOYED MY 75-YEAR CAREER AS AN ACTRESS. 381 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,053 BUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE, 382 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,273 WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS DIRECT. 383 00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:21,361 Man: MARK. 384 00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:24,668 GO SOUTH ON THE 405. 385 00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:27,062 BUT STAY IN THE SECOND LANE TO THE RIGHT. 386 00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:28,063 THAT'S A CUT. 387 00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,682 CAN I ASK YOU A QUICK QUESTION? 388 00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:42,643 I'VE BEEN GETTING THE FEELING THAT I'M BEING WATCHED. 389 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,298 AND I CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT. 390 00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:47,996 YOU HEAR ABOUT THESE THINGS, BUT IT FEELS TO ME -- 391 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,389 YEAH, NOBODY'S WATCHING YOU. 392 00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:50,999 YOU SURE? YEAH. 393 00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:52,392 'CAUSE I KNOW THEY PUT CAMERAS IN EVERYTHING. 394 00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:55,395 NO, YOU'RE FINE. YOU'RE GOOD. 395 00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:57,005 LIKE OVER HERE. 396 00:18:57,179 --> 00:19:00,182 JUST...LIKE OVER THERE IN THAT BABY CARRIAGE. 397 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:03,185 AM I LOSING MY MIND OR IS THAT A CAMERA? 398 00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:08,059 IT IS A CAMERA, BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S PUTTING IT ON YOU. 399 00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:10,714 AND WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE? 400 00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:13,369 WHAT'S HE DOING? I MEAN, THIS IS... 401 00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:18,853 HE'S JUST -- HE'S, UH...FIDDLING WITH HIS KID. 402 00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,855 HIS KID. 403 00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:23,031 AND THIS GUY... THAT IS A CAMERA. 404 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:25,599 THAT'S WEIRD. BUT HE'S NOT LOOKING AT US. 405 00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,122 LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS. 406 00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:29,298 SEE -- SEE THE BLANKET ON THE BABY CARRIAGE? 407 00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:31,822 YEAH. WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? 408 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:35,086 OH, THEY'RE JUST FUSSING WITH THEIR KIDS. 409 00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,263 HMM. I WOULD JUST WALK AWAY. 410 00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:39,003 I DON'T KNOW. THIS -- 411 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,570 IT'S A LITTLE ODD. 412 00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:41,919 I MEAN, IF I STOOD HER 413 00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:43,486 AND KIND OF THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LONG TIME, 414 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,401 I THINK I WOULD FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU DO. 415 00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:47,098 BUT HE'S -- I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 416 00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:50,537 WOW. OKAY? 417 00:19:58,501 --> 00:19:59,546 AND NOW... 418 00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:05,073 NEVER, EVER LET SUCCESS GO TO YOUR HEAD. 419 00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:09,033 IT'S MUCH BETTER TO LET IT GO TO YOUR SHOULDERS. 420 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,125 DID THAT CAMERA JUST TURN OR NOT? 421 00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:19,261 YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SIR? 422 00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,567 IT IS WEIRD. 423 00:20:20,741 --> 00:20:23,439 AND, YOU SEE, I'M NOT CRAZY. 424 00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:27,443 AT LEAST I KNOW I'M NOT PARANOID. 425 00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:28,662 WHEW! 426 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,968 I HAVE NO IDEA. 427 00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:34,624 IT IS STRANGE. 428 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,235 I KNOW. 29193

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