Original subtitles

EXCUSE ME.

SIR, I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW,

AND I JUST READ THE APPLICATION.

THEY WANT A PICTURE ATTACHED.

COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND JUST TAKE A REAL QUICK PICTURE?

YEAH. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

NOW, GIVE ME A THREE COUNT.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

DID YOU GET IT?

NO. YOU DIDN'T GET IT?

WAIT. WELL, TAKE ANOTHER ONE.

THE STRIP CLUB NEEDS A FULL BODY SHOT!

YOU KNOW, I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO THIS SONG.

- WHOA. - OH!

WHOO! OH!

SHAKE THAT BAD BOOTY, BABY.

I MEAN, TO MAKE SURE THERE'S NOTHING STUCK IN MY TEETH.

OH, MY GOD!

White: FOR SENIORS,

THE BATHROOM CAN BE THE MOST DANGEROUS ROOM IN THE HOUSE.

THAT'S WHY I NEVER BATHE ALONE.

♪ HEY, HEY, OH ♪

EXCUSE ME. I WONDER IF YOU COULD HELP ME A MINUTE.

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS JOB A LONG TIME,

AND NOBODY EVER THROWS ANYTHING ON THE GROUND.

I MEAN, IT'S RIDICULOUS. OH.

WOULD YOU MIND HELPING ME OUT SO THAT I DON'T LOSE MY JOB?

JUST HOLD SOME OF THIS STUFF.

NOW WALK JUST A COUPLE OF STEPS THAT WAY,

AND JUST THROW IT ON THE GROUND.

THROW IT ON THE GROUND, ON THE GROUND.

AW! LITTERBUG!

THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! YOU'RE TERRIBLE.

LITTERBUG RIGHT HERE! WE GOT A LITTERBUG!

THAT'S WHAT WE GOT. WE CAUGHT A LITTERBUG.

SHE'S LITTERING THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

SHE'S LITTERING THE WHOLE PARK.

TERRIBLE.

HEY, WANT A FREE BACK RUB?

FIVE MINUTES OF YOUR TIME. THAT'S IT.

IT'S COMPLETELY FREE.

YOU DON'T NEED TO TIP ME OR ANYTHING.

I PROMISE. YEAH? LET'S GO.

JUST PUT YOUR FACE IN HERE

AND SPREAD OUT LONG.

OKAY. STAY LIKE THAT.

IS THAT NICE?

YEAH.

OH! HI, THERE!

WHERE'S THE OTHER LADY?

OH, SHE'S GONE.

I'M WHAT YOU GET.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE SOME MUSTARD.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE SOME MUSTARD.

♪ LET'S GO CRAZY ♪

♪ LET'S GO, LET'S GO ♪

EXCUSE ME.

I'M MEETING MY BOYFRIEND HERE,

AND I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HIM,

AND I WAS WONDERING, COULD YOU PRETEND LIKE YOU KNOW ME?

Man: IS THIS THE GUY?

YEAH, THIS IS HIM.

NO, NO, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.

- TELL YOU WHAT. - YEAH, COME ON. OH, HONEY.

COME ON, COME ON, HONEY!

WHAT ARE YOUR UNDERWEAR DOING IN MY HOUSE?

YEAH, RIGHT.

MISS?

- MY BROTHER JUST DIED. - I'M SO SORRY.

I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO SHARE A LITTLE DRINK WITH ME.

I CAN'T WHILE I'M RUNNING. I'M SO SORRY. I KNOW.

BUT, YOU KNOW, JUST TWO SIBLINGS LEFT,

AND THEN I GET THE WHOLE INHERITANCE.

HALLELUJAH!

THANK YOU. NEXT TIME WE'LL HAVE A DRINK TOGETHER.

OKAY.

AT MY AGE, YOU'VE GOT TO BE WARY OF SETUPS.

CHANCES ARE, IF SOMEONE SETS YOU UP ON A BLIND DATE,

YOUR DATE MAY ACTUALLY BE BLIND!

WHOA, GIRL!

THE SUN IS SHINING SO BRIGHT, I CAN ALMOST SEE YOU.

OH.

YOU TOO.

I'M NOT SURE IF ANYONE'S STILL OUT THERE.

IT'S DAY 15 OF THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

I'VE BEEN HOLED UP IN MY HOUSE

WITH MY "OFF THEIR ROCKERS" CAST MATES.

THINGS ARE STARTING TO GET UGLY

NOW THAT WE'VE RUN THROUGH OUR SUPPLY OF CHARDONNAY.

ONE OF US EVEN SUGGESTED

THAT WE MIGHT SOON HAVE TO START EATING EACH OTHER,

BUT I COULDN'T GET ANYBODY ELSE TO GO ALONG WITH THE IDEA.

GOT TO GO.

THEY FOUND MY SECRET STASH OF RED WINE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TO WIN A $25 GIFT CARD?

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?

WELL, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A PICTURE.

AND I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.

AND I JUST WANT YOU SPELL IT.

IT IS CALLED A POVIISK.

A "PO-DOOSK."

POVIISK.

- POVIISK. - MM-HMM.

P-O-V-I-S-C.

OHH. SO CLOSE.

LET'S LOOK AT THIS ONE, OKAY?

BIILSTK.

ONE MORE TIME.

BIILSTK.

B-I-S-C-K.

OHH. ONE LAST ONE, OKAY?

IT IS CALLED A MAMALAAG.

MAMALAAG.

MAMALAAG.

M-A-M-A-L-A-A-G.

OH, SO CLOSE. YOU JUST FORGOT THE UMLAUT.

UGH.

SORRY. OKAY. THANK YOU.

EXCUSE ME.

DID YOU GUYS SEE A BALL?

WE JUST CAME OFF OF THE BUNKER BACK THERE AND WE GOT LOST.

THANKS A MILLION.

I THINK WE'RE GONNA DO A MULLIGAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT, ANNIE, I TELL YOU WHAT?

INSTEAD OF HITTING THESE BALLS,

LET'S JUST GO TO THE 19th HOLE AND HAVE A DRINK, OKAY?

LET'S DO IT.

WE'RE A LONG WAY OFF THE COURSE.

EXCUSE ME.

COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND SEND A TEXT FOR ME?

I LEFT MY GLASSES AT HOME.

OF COURSE. YEAH. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT?

RUNNING LATE.

"RUNNING LATE."

ON MY WAY.

"ON MY WAY." AND THAT'S IT?

THAT'S IT. I WANT TO THANK YOU SO MUCH

BECAUSE EVERYBODY'S BEEN TREATING ME SO WEIRD

SINCE I HAD THIS BACTERIAL INFECTION, YOU KNOW?

AND THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S PROBABLY NOT CONTAGIOUS,

AND IT ALMOST STOPPED ITCHING.

SO, THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

AFTERNOON, MA'AM. HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING YOUR MEAL.

WE HAVE A LITTLE SHORTAGE IN THE RESTAURANT,

AND WE NEED TO GET THOSE PLASTIC CONTAINERS BACK.

WELL...

WE DON'T MAKE THE RULES.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

White: I MAY BE A SEVEN-TIME EMMY WINNER.

AND I AM.

BUT IF I WANT TO TAKE MY CAREER TO THE NEXT LEVEL,

I'VE GOT TO BECOME A BRAND.

AND TO BECOME A BRAND, YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE A SEX TAPE.

OR SELL PRODUCTS.

THIS IS A LIMITED EDITION BETTY WEEZY SNEAKER.

AH, SO FLY.

YOU LIKE THE SHADES?

25 G's.

BUT MY "FAVEY" THINGS

ARE DEFINITELY MY NEW BEATS BY BETTY HEADPHONES.

DEEJAY BETTY IN THE "HIS-HOUSE."

ROCK ON!

ROCK ON!

ROCK ON!

♪ I SEE SKY WHILE YOU SEE CLOUDS ♪

YOU KNOW, I JUST FINISHED MY CHINESE FOOD.

AND I GOT A FORTUNE COOKIE.

BUT I HEARD THAT IF YOU READ IT YOURSELF,

THEY DON'T COME TRUE, SO COULD YOU READ IT TO ME?

SURE!

I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT. HERE. READ IT TO ME.

"YOU'LL GET THE NUMBER OF THE NEXT PERSON YOU MEET."

OH!

SO

I GUESS IT WORKS.

THERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU.

AND I'LL BE CALLING YOU.

OKAY?

OKAY. THANK YOU!

Man: SHE'D HAVE CURED WORLD POVERTY IF ANYONE HAD BOTHERED TO ASK.

TIBETAN MONKS USE HER HAIR AS BEDDING.

AS A CHILD, SHE SINGLE-HANDEDLY CHEERED UP THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

BUT SHE'S OUT RIGHT NOW,

SO PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP.

DOING YOUR OWN OUTGOING MESSAGE IS SO LAST YEAR.

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

I'M HAVING THIS WEIRD, REFLECTIVE DAY,

JUST KIND OF THINKING ABOUT MY LIFE.

DO YOU EVER DO THAT?

SOMETIMES, YES.

I KNOW. IT'S SO STRANGE, ISN'T IT?

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU'RE HAUNTED BY YOUR PAST?

YEAH. YEAH.

OH. SO YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN.

IT'S SO BIZARRE. WELL, THANKS FOR LISTENING.

EXCUSE ME. I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT LATELY.

DO YOU GUYS EVER FEEL

LIKE YOU'RE LOOKING INTO YOUR OWN FUTURE?

THAT LADY JUST TOLD US THAT.

SOMEONE JUST SAID THAT TO YOU?

YEAH.

WEIRD.

WEIRD.

EXCUSE ME.

CAN YOU JUST PUSH ME RIGHT OVER THERE?

THANKS.

THIS IS PERFECT. I JUST NEEDED TO SEND A TEXT.

THANKS A LOT.

EXCUSE ME.

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE A SCREEN BRIGHT?

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX THAT?

OH!

THAT'S MY JAM.

IT'S MY GIRL CALLING.

YOU GOT A SECOND?

WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING THIS FOR ME JUST FOR A SECOND?

SURE. THANK YOU.

I GOT AN IMPORTANT LUNCH DATE.

IT'S ACTUALLY A BUSINESS LUNCH,

SO I GOT TO LOOK RIGHT, YOU KNOW?

HEY. THANKS A LOT. APPRECIATE IT.

DO YOU MIND JUST PUTTING IT IN MY CLOSET FOR ME?

PLEASE.

OH, EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

HI.

I'M GOING TO A NEW HAIR STYLIST TOMORROW,

AND I WAS WONDERING, COULD I TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR HAIR?

- SURE. - LET'S SEE. MAYBE I CAN...

AH. OKAY, NO.

I'M GONNA TELL HER ANYTHING BUT THAT.

COULD YOU HELP ME OUT FOR JUST A MINUTE?

- YES, OF COURSE. - OH, THANK YOU.

MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY RECENTLY,

AND WE BOUGHT THIS URN BEFORE HE DIED,

BUT IT'S NOT RIGHT.

AND I PICKED THIS URN UP,

AND I WANT TO TRANSFER THE ASHES

BEFORE I GO OVER TO THE CHURCH.

WOULD YOU HELP ME DO THAT? WOULD YOU?

YEAH. SURE. GO AHEAD, RYAN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'LL HOLD THIS,

AND IF YOU JUST POUR RIGHT IN HERE. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE.

THAT'S GREAT.

THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN HIS ARM.

HOLD THAT FOR ME. OKAY. HERE.

- JUST HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. I'LL FINISH THE REST. - OKAY.

GET IN THERE, MORTON. GET IN THERE!

OH, MORTY!

MORTY!

OH, I'LL JUST TAKE THIS. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OH, MORTY. MORTY! OH, MORTY.

- I'M MEETING A DATE HERE. - OH.

AND I HAVEN'T GONE OUT IN YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS.

OH, GEEZ.

YEAH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

REALLY?

JUST LIKE YOU CAME UP TO ME RIGHT NOW AND SAID --

BUT I WASN'T --

NO. I DON'T.

IF I SAID, "THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME TO BREAKFAST,"

IT'S OKAY?

IT'S TERRIBLE.

WELL, WOULD YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME?

I THINK YOU'RE NICER.

I KNOW. I'M REALLY AFRAID TO.

OKAY. THANKS.

♪ I GUESS THAT'S WHAT I'M LIVING FOR ♪

♪ I GUESS THAT'S WHAT I'M DREAMING FOR ♪

Woman:

HEY, THERE'S NO LAW AGAINST SEXTING AND SCOOTERING,

YOU KNOW?

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR JUST A SECOND?

NO PROBLEM.

THEY ARE BUILDING A STRIP CLUB ACROSS THE STREET,

AND WE WANT IT TO BE AN ELDERLY STRIP CLUB.

REALLY.

WE'RE SUCH AN UNDERSERVED COMMUNITY.

AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D PLEASE SIGN THIS.

JUST 'CAUSE WE'RE HANGING LOW

DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T KICK IT UP.

I SUPPOSE. WOULD YOU GO?

NO. REALLY?

WE'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OH, IT'S A GOOD CAUSE, ISN'T IT?

YOU'VE HELPED A LOT OF ELDERLY PEOPLE TO WORK!

YEAH, THIS IS GOOD.

YEAH. LET'S TALK HERE FOR A MINUTE.

I'LL GIVE YOU THESE FOR 60 BUCKS.

- HERE, JUST TAKE IT. - THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

I TAKE ONE OF THESE WITH A COUPLE OF DRINKS,

- AND I'M GOOD, YOU KNOW? - YEAH.

HOW DID THE OTHER DRUGS WORK OUT?

IT WORKS FINE WITH THE CHICKS.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GO ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.

WONDERFUL.

PLEASE, DON'T SAY A WORD.

LISTEN.

DON'T BE A STORYTELLER.

RIGHT. DON'T BE A RAT.

DON'T BE A RAT.'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU SNITCH, YOU GET A STITCH.

- SILENCIO. - SILENCIO.

- MA'AM, I'M TAKING A QUICK SURVEY. - YEAH.

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, HOW HOT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

- HOW HOT? - YEAH.

WELL...

I'M GONNA GO WITH WHAT HE SAID.

A 10.

ACTUALLY, WE HAD YOU RATED AT A 7.

OH, REALLY?

SO, HAVE YOU HAD SOME WORK DONE OR SOMETHING

BETWEEN NOW AND MAYBE A YEAR AGO?

UM...NO.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. WE'RE GONNA BE BACK HERE.

WE'RE GONNA TAKE THE SURVEY AGAIN.

MAYBE YOU CAN HAVE SOME WORK DONE,

PIN YOUR EARS BACK OR SOMETHING,

AND MAYBE WE'LL BE ABLE TO AGREE WITH THE 10 WITH YOU.

OKAY.

OKAY. WORK ON THAT. THANK YOU.

OKAY. BYE-BYE. THANK YOU!

- GOOD MORNING. - HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

CHAMPAGNE, COMPLIMENTS FROM THE LADIES OVER THERE.

HELLO! WHOO-HOO?

GO FOR IT. THANK YOU.

AND THE AWARD

FOR THE MOST INTELLECTUAL GIRL

MAKING THE MOST OF HER TIME,

WITH LONG BROWN HAIR,

WHILE WAITING FOR A TRAIN, GOES TO YOU.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A SPEECH?

UH...

SURELY, THERE MUST BE SOMEONE YOU WANT TO THANK.

NO.

WELL DESERVED.

TO LIVE A LONG AND HAPPY LIFE,

YOU'VE GOT TO DANCE LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING,

SING LIKE NO ONE IS LISTENING,

AND MAKE LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HEARD.

BETTY, ISN'T IT "MAKE LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT"?

IF IT DOESN'T HURT, YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

THE SUN IS SHINING SO BRIGHT, I CAN ALMOST SEE YOU.

OH!

OH-HO! THAT'S MY JAM.

AH! LITTERBUG! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!

YOU'RE TERRIBLE.

- SILENCIO. - SILENCIO.