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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,710 I JUST BOUGHT THESE X-RAY GLASSES. 2 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,668 - REALLY? - AND IT'S VERY EMBARRASSING, BUT I CAN SEE 3 00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:20,455 THAT YOU'RE WEARING THE SAME UNDERWEAR THAT I'M WEARING. 4 00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:24,111 WHAT? 5 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,251 EXCUSE ME. MISS? 6 00:00:40,866 --> 00:00:43,478 WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE TODAY'S SPECIAL? 7 00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,880 HI, THERE, AND WELCOME TO "OFF THEIR ROCKERS." 8 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:59,015 YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO START OFF EVERY EPISODE WITH A TOAST. 9 00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:00,799 UH, WHAT SHOULD WE DRINK TO? 10 00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:03,019 LET'S DRINK TO NEW GLASSES. 11 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,978 OH, THESE AREN'T NEW. I'VE HAD THEM FOR MONTHS. 12 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,458 NO. 13 00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:09,721 BUT THESE ARE. 14 00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:12,942 TO YOUR HEALTH. 15 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,598 OOH. 16 00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:22,604 HI. 17 00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:23,953 CAN YOU HELP ME? 18 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,520 I'M GOING TO MY GRANDSON'S BIRTHDAY. 19 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,174 OKAY. 20 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:31,526 AND I CAN'T WRITE BECAUSE I HAVE ARTHRITIS, 21 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:32,918 SO IF YOU COULD WRITE FOR ME. 22 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,181 ACTUALLY, SHE HAS BETTER HANDWRITING. 23 00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:35,530 - OKAY, SURE. - OH, GOOD. OKAY. 24 00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:36,487 "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BILLY. 25 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,533 "NOW THAT YOU'RE 12, 26 00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:42,014 YOU SHOULD KNOW... YOU ARE ADOPTED." 27 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,104 WHOA. 28 00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:45,757 I THINK HE SHOULD KNOW. 29 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,498 ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS IN A CARD 30 00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:49,196 - INSTEAD OF A CONVERSATION? - NO, I -- YEAH. 31 00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,372 OKAY. "ENJOY YOUR CAKE. 32 00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:54,288 NOT YOUR REAL GRANDMOTHER." 33 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:57,204 WELL, IT'S THE TRUTH. 34 00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:58,944 THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 35 00:01:59,119 --> 00:01:59,945 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 36 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,426 THANK YOU. 37 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,601 HAVE A GREAT DAY. 38 00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:11,609 SIR? YES? 39 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,089 DID YOU JUST TOUCH MY BUTT? 40 00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:16,658 I DIDN'T TOUCH IT. I GRABBED IT. 41 00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,181 WELL, I KNEW SOMEBODY DID. 42 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,922 - I MEAN, IT'S REALLY COOL. - GUILTY AS CHARGED. 43 00:02:20,096 --> 00:02:22,751 I MEAN, NO, NO, NO. I MEAN, I LIKE MY BUTT TOUCHED. 44 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:26,146 OF COURSE YOU DO. DO YOU WANT TO TOUCH MINE? 45 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,582 - YOU SURE? YOU SURE? - TOUCH IT. TOUCH IT. 46 00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:28,626 HERE WE GO. 47 00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:41,987 EXCUSE ME. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? 48 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,207 I HAVE A DENTAL APPOINTMENT AT 11:30. 49 00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,643 Man: IT'S 11:17 RIGHT NOW. 50 00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:47,297 OH, OH. OH, GOOD. 51 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:48,777 SO I HAVE ABOUT 10 MORE MINUTES BEFORE IT'S 11:30? 52 00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:50,866 WILL YOU BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THERE? 53 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,608 YEAH, IT'S JUST DOWN THERE. IT'S JUST DOWN THERE. 54 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:55,218 IT'S JUST, LIKE, YOU KNOW, 55 00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:58,090 I'M STUCK ON THIS POLE FOR A LITTLE BIT, THAT'S ALL. 56 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,182 I THOUGHT I HEARD MY NAME, AND I JUST TURNED. 57 00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:03,618 AND I DON'T KNOW. 58 00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:07,491 SOMEHOW MY NOSE RING GOT STUCK IN THIS POLE. 59 00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:10,146 YEAH. HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? 60 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,975 NO. OH. OH. 61 00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,456 ALL RIGHT? YEAH. IT'S -- 62 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:16,979 NOT UNCOMFORTABLE.Y 63 00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,415 ALL RIGHT. 64 00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:20,287 YEAH, YEAH. THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, THOUGH. 65 00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,114 ALL RIGHT. NO PROBLEM. OKAY. 66 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,255 EXCUSE ME, LADIES. I WAS SITTING INSIDE. 67 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,996 I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU. 68 00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:36,477 I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU, BUT I JUST HAD TO. 69 00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,305 TODAY IS MY HUSBAND'S BIRTHDAY, 70 00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:41,221 AND EVERY YEAR, I GET HIM THE SAME PRESENT. 71 00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:43,353 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 72 00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,442 I GIVE HIM A FREE PASS. 73 00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:46,965 A FREE PASS OF WHAT? 74 00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:49,446 WELL -- IT'S MY HUSBAND FOR MANY YEARS -- 75 00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:50,839 TO GIVE HIM THE FREEDOM 76 00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:53,233 TO JUST BE AND DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO. 77 00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:56,497 I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU ARE SO MY HUSBAND'S TYPE. 78 00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:59,369 I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU 79 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:02,503 AND SEND IT TO HIM, BECAUSE HE IS SO -- 80 00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:04,809 REALLY, WE'VE BEEN MARRIED 45 YEARS. - I'M SORRY. I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THAT. 81 00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,985 THANK YOU. 82 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,857 - OHH! OH, HE'S GONNA BE SO DISAPPOINTED. - I APPRECIATE IT. 83 00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,859 BUT JUST KNOW HE IS FABULOUS IN THE SACK, 84 00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,034 AND HE'S HUNG LIKE A HORSE. 85 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,341 OKAY. 86 00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:16,343 WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? 87 00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:23,132 THAT LADY TRIED TO PIMP ME OUT TO HER OLD-ASS HUSBAND. 88 00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,352 THAT WAS THE WEIRDEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 89 00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,223 RIGHT. 90 00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:34,317 MMM! OH. OH. 91 00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,537 I ASKED MY NEW CHEF TO WHIP UP 92 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,887 SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR US TODAY. 93 00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:43,283 BETTY, YOUR NEW CHEF IS AWFUL. HOW CAN YOU STAND IT? 94 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:44,588 IT'S TOO HOT. 95 00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:46,764 HOW'S THE SOUP, BETTY? 96 00:04:46,938 --> 00:04:48,549 PERFECT. 97 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,638 AHH. 98 00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,944 TOO HOT? 99 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:55,991 THERE'S NO SUCH THING. 100 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:58,602 I-I'M SORRY I'M RELENTLESS, BUT I'M OLD. 101 00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:01,213 I JUST TEXTED HIM. I DESCRIBED YOU, TOO. 102 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:02,824 I'M NOT INTERESTED. 103 00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:04,739 YOU WOULDN'T PUT THE BERET ON JUST TO SEE? 104 00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:06,697 NO! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!ASK HER FOR A PICTURE. 105 00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,220 'CAUSE HE'S SO INTO YOUR FRIEND. 106 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,918 SHE'S SO -- I'LL SHOW YOU HIS PICTURE. 107 00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,963 HERE HE IS. HERE'S LARRY. 108 00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:13,443 THERE'S LARRY. 109 00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:16,054 YOU KNOW, I USED TO HAVE RED HAIR, OKAY? 110 00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:17,534 AWW. I'M SORRY. 111 00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:19,319 OKAY, WELL, HE'S GONNA CRY, BUT... 112 00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,843 SERIOUSLY? 113 00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:26,021 WHY ARE PEOPLE SO CRAZY? 114 00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:27,892 GOD, THAT WAS FUNNY. 115 00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,862 OH, MAN. 116 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:42,254 OOH! 117 00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:47,085 I HAVE THIS NEW APP. 118 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:50,132 IT LETS YOU KNOW IF THERE'S A SEX OFFENDER IN THE AREA. 119 00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:52,352 IT STARTS BEEPING, AND IT GETS A LITTLE LOUDER EVERY TIME. 120 00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,746 I THINK IT'S GETTING LOUDER. 121 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,922 YEAH. AND THEY HAVE TO REGISTER. 122 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,926 CAN YOU HEAR IT? 123 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:04,102 IT'S LOUDER AROUND YOU! 124 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:05,930 NO. OH, MY GOD! 125 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,454 OH, YEAH. 126 00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,804 OH, GOD. I DON'T WANT TO BE NEAR YOU. 127 00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,283 I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE. 128 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:13,416 OHH! 129 00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:23,818 HI, EVERYONE. 130 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,995 TODAY I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THE 80s. 131 00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:29,954 IT WAS A REALLY DECADENT TIME. 132 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:34,263 THE PARTIES, THE MEN, THE ANYTHING-GOES ATTITUDE. 133 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,310 BUT THEN I TURNED 90. 134 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:43,794 AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, NOT MUCH HAS REALLY CHANGED. 135 00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,280 HI. HOW'S YOUR DAY GOING? 136 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:54,109 GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? OH, GOOD. 137 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:56,764 SO, UH, YOU ARE THE GUY FROM CRAIGSLIST, RIGHT? 138 00:06:56,938 --> 00:06:59,331 NO. 139 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,986 UH, YOU SAID THE CODE WORD, AND YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA MEET ME AT THIS TABLE. 140 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,989 WHAT? YEAH, I MEAN, I BROUGHT THE WHIP. 141 00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:06,774 THE HANDCUFFS ARE IN MY PURSE. 142 00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,819 YOU ORDERED A DOMINATRIX, RIGHT? 143 00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:10,647 NO, I DIDN'T. 144 00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:12,736 SURE, YOU LEFT YOUR CREDIT-CARD NUMBER AND EVERYTHING. 145 00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,260 NO. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 146 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,872 WE'RE GONNA RUN THE CARD FOR A GRAND. 147 00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:19,526 A GRAND? YEAH. 148 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:22,964 HOLLY, APPARENTLY, I PAID A GRAND FOR A DOMINATRIX. 149 00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:24,139 WOW. 150 00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:26,489 WAIT, IT'S TWO GRAND FOR A THREESOME. 151 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:29,274 SHE JUST WHIPPED THE TABLE. 152 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,494 - IS SHE INTO WHIPS? - WHOA! 153 00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:32,669 I'LL JUST WHIP HIM. 154 00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:33,975 YEAH, JUST WHIP ME. 155 00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,846 BUT I'LL USE THE CUFFS ON YOU. 156 00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,501 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT -- THERE'S A PLACE AROUND THE CORNER, 157 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,155 AND, YOU KNOW -- AND, UH... 158 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,723 LOVE IT. GET READY. 159 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,176 OH, OH. OH, OH, OH. OH. OH, OH. 160 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:02,482 WATCH YOUR STEP, HUH? 161 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:03,744 OH, SORRY. SORRY, SORRY, SORRY. 162 00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:05,180 THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MAN. THAT'S OKAY. 163 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:06,616 WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO. IT'S ALL YOURS. 164 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:07,748 UH, OKAY, OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. GO, GO. 165 00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:09,532 OH, OH, OH, OH! 166 00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:11,099 THIS MUST BE "JACKASS" OR SOMETHING. 167 00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,710 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. OH, OH, OH. 168 00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:15,059 OH, OH, OH. 169 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,365 OH, OH, OH, OH! SORRY! 170 00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,019 WHOA! SEE? SEE WHAT I'M SAYING? 171 00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:21,979 OH, OH, OH, OH. 172 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:32,903 COULD YOU HELP ME GET OFF THE LEDGE HERE? 173 00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,296 HELP YOU GET OFF THE LEDGE? 174 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:35,340 IF YOU DON'T MIND. BE A GOOD PAL. 175 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,603 GO. YOU GOT ME? 176 00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:38,039 OHH. 177 00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:39,344 THANK YOU. GOT IT? 178 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,129 - YEAH. I GOT A QUESTION. - WHAT'S UP? 179 00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:44,524 HAVE YOU SEEN A COUPLE OF THOUSAND BEES RUNNING AROUND HERE? 180 00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:45,437 I HAVE NOT. NO? 181 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,396 I HAVE NOT. 182 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:48,963 - YOU HAVEN'T, HUH? - NO. YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU FIND THEM? 183 00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:51,966 WELL, IF YOU SEE A BIG SWARM OF THEM, YEAH. 184 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,142 - I'LL JUST YELL? - JUST GIVE A SHOUT-OUT. 185 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,143 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? BEE MAN. 186 00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:56,231 BEE MAN? BEE MAN. 187 00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,537 - THAT'S YOUR NAME? - YEAH. 188 00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:58,973 BEE MAN. 189 00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:00,322 AND IF YOU JUST SEND THEM DOWN HERE. 190 00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:02,063 - SEND THEM DOWN HERE. - SEND THEM DOWN HERE. 191 00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:04,413 - GOT IT. ALL RIGHT. - JUST -- YEAH, OKAY. 192 00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:05,936 THANK YOU. 193 00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:09,287 OKAY. 194 00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:14,858 LIVING AND WORKING IN HOLLYWOOD 195 00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:18,296 MEANS YOU GET TO MEET A LOT OF FAMOUS FOLKS. 196 00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:22,866 SO PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS ASKING ME HOW THEY CAN DATE A CELEBRITY. 197 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,694 IT'S EASY. 198 00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:26,566 DON'T BE SHY. 199 00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,351 JUST ASK ME OUT. 200 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,271 YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT, SWEETIE. 201 00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:37,489 HEY, GUYS. 202 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:38,665 I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 203 00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:40,405 YOU NEED TO USE THE RESTROOM? 204 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,886 COULD YOU JUST WATCH HIM? WILL YOU WATCH HIM FOR A MINUTE? 205 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,453 - SURE. - HERE, HONEY. WAIT HERE. 206 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:45,715 DOES HE NEED HELP? 207 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,152 THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 208 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,893 Man: THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 209 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,852 JUST -- YEAH. 210 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:53,767 HI. 211 00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:56,247 I-- HI. IS SHE GONE? 212 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,510 YEAH, YOU'RE GOOD. WHAT -- 213 00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:01,165 HAVE YOU EVER USED A DATING SERVICE? 214 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:02,819 OH, LIKE A... YEAH. 215 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:05,300 I-IS SHE -- IS SHE BLONDE? 216 00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:06,823 OH, YOU... 217 00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:08,999 I-I -- 'CAUSE I --YOU CAN'T SEE HER? 218 00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:11,045 N-NOT VERY GOOD. N-NO, NO. 219 00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:13,308 I WOULDN'T SAY SHE'S A BLONDE. 220 00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,092 DID THEY TELL YOU SHE WAS A BLONDE? 221 00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,572 YEAH, I ASKED FOR A BLONDE. 222 00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,008 SO, IS SHE BLONDE? 223 00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:20,707 HOW OLD DID THEY TELL YOU SHE WAS? 224 00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:23,013 WELL, IS SHE 21? DO YOU THINK SHE'S 21? 225 00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:26,016 SHE'S ABOUT 35. 226 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,714 OH. OH, SHE'S 3-- AW. 227 00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,106 UH, OKAY. MAYBE 40. 228 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,326 IS SHE PRETTY? IS SHE PRETTY? 229 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:34,416 YEAH, I'D SAY SHE'S A -- SHE'S A GOOD-LOOKING LADY, BUT HER HAIR'S NOT BLONDE. 230 00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,898 OH. WELL, WHAT -- WHAT COLOR IS HER HAIR? 231 00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:39,203 UH...WHITE. 232 00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:41,031 WHITE. PLATINUM WHITE. 233 00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:43,860 OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S -- OH, I LIKE THAT. 234 00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,079 DIRTY WHITE. 235 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:47,647 D-D-DIRT-- OH, OH. OH, OH. 236 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:49,344 SHE'S NOT 21. I'LL TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW. 237 00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:50,998 I'M LOOKING AT HER. 238 00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,042 SHE LOOKS LIKE A LOVELY WOMAN, THOUGH. GOOD LUCK. 239 00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:53,653 HI. Woman: HI. 240 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:55,742 HE'S A VERY PLEASANT MAN. YOU'RE VERY LUCKY. 241 00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,221 THANK YOU. I THINK HE'S A SWEETHEART. 242 00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:58,527 HE'S WONDERFUL. 243 00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,529 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING HIM. 244 00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:03,358 - OKAY, OKAY. YES, THANK YOU. - HEY, GOOD LUCK. 245 00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:34,041 WHAT'S THE END OF THAT FIRST PARAGRAPH? 246 00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:37,609 "UPSTAIRS, THE CHILDREN COWER AND SCREAM." 247 00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:42,049 OKAY. THANK YOU. 248 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:45,792 TAKING NOTES? 249 00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:47,489 I'M WITH THE NSA. 250 00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:49,447 I SEE. 251 00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:52,015 OUR SYSTEMS ARE DOWN, SO I'M -- 252 00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:57,064 I'M DOING IT OLD-SCHOOL, BY LONGHAND. 253 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,333 THANK YOU FOR COOPERATING. 254 00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:18,694 EVER SINCE "OFF THEIR ROCKERS" STARTED, 255 00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:21,828 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN PITCHING ME IDEAS FOR A NEW REALITY SHOW. 256 00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,091 IT'S ABOUT A FAMILY OF LITTLE PEOPLE 257 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:26,571 WHO CATCH PORCUPINES WITH THEIR BARE HANDS. 258 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,225 WE'LL CALL IT "LITTLE PRICKS." 259 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:31,751 UH, BETTY, BACHELORETTES COMPETE 260 00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:35,015 TO BECOME TO BECOME SISTER-WIFE TO A MORMON COUPLE -- 261 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:37,713 WE'LL CALL IT "JOHN AND SUE PLUS YOU." 262 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,628 I DON'T LOVE IT. HMM. 263 00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:42,936 HOW ABOUT THIS -- WE'LL CALL IT "BERMUDA UNWRAPPED." 264 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:45,677 WELL, GO ON. 265 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:48,289 IT'S ABOUT FIVE YOUNG, SINGLE MEN 266 00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:51,727 LIVING AND WORKING TOTALLY NUDE IN BERMUDA. 267 00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:52,728 AH. 268 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,730 I HATE IT. OHH. 269 00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:57,080 BUT LET'S CAST IT ANYWAY. 270 00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,909 LADIES, PACK YOUR BAGS. I'LL BOOK THE FLIGHTS. 271 00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:08,004 EXCUSE ME. 272 00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:11,573 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TO WIN A $25 IKEA GIFT CARD? 273 00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:12,922 SURE. 274 00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:14,141 IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND, OKAY? 275 00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:15,795 I'M GONNA SHOW YOU AN ITEM, 276 00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,622 AND THEN I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, 277 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,320 AND I JUST WANT YOU TO SPELL IT, OKAY? 278 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:20,800 OKAY. YOU SEE THIS ONE? 279 00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,149 IT'S CALLED A... 280 00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:27,894 F-L-E...UM... 281 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:33,900 FLERDFULL. D? 282 00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:34,814 OH. 283 00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:36,380 ONE MORE TRY. HERE WE GO. 284 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:42,212 F-E... KEEP GOING. 285 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,041 U... 286 00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,826 K-U... 287 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,611 OKAY, L-L-LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE. 288 00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:58,750 OKAY, G-R-O-N -- KULA -- K-U-L-A. 289 00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,362 OHH. YOU WERE SO CLOSE. 290 00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:03,364 YOU JUST FORGOT THE UMLAUT. 291 00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:05,627 OH. THANK YOU FOR TRYING, OKAY? 292 00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,324 - NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT. - OKAY? 293 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:10,240 UM, COME BACK AND TRY AGAIN. ALL RIGHT. 294 00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:18,858 EXCUSE ME, SIR. 295 00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,903 YEAH? 296 00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:23,601 WE HAVE A NEW DRESS CODE IN THIS PARTICULAR SECTION OF THE FOOD COURT. 297 00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:25,473 - MM-HMM. - AND, UH, WE WERE HOPING 298 00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,910 THAT YOU WOULD DON THE PROPER COAT AND TIE, 299 00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:31,305 AND IF NOT, WE WILL HAVE TO SECURE YOUR MEAL. 300 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,089 MY ASSISTANT IS HERE TO ASSIST YOU. 301 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:35,048 HAVE A GREAT DAY. THANK YOU. 302 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,788 UH, I'M NOT INTERESTED. THANK YOU. 303 00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:37,877 WOULD YOU PUT THIS ON? 304 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,487 - YOU'RE NOT? - NO. 305 00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,097 WELL, THEN I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE YOUR MEAL. 306 00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:44,405 SO, IF YOU'D JUST PUT IT DOWN. 307 00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,059 JUST PUT IT DOWN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 308 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:46,929 YOU CAN KEEP YOUR DRINK. 309 00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:48,409 YOU CAN KEEP YOUR DRINK. 310 00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:01,465 EXCUSE ME. 311 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,076 MY BOYFRIEND CALLED ME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE 312 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,992 FOR HIM TO BREAK UP WITH ME, AND I'M SO PISSED. 313 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,342 HE TOOK THESE PICTURES AND SENT THEM TO ME. 314 00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:09,952 I WANT TO PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET. 315 00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,606 I WANT TO GET EVEN WITH HIM. 316 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,347 I MEAN... 317 00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:15,915 I'M GONNA PUT THIS ON THE INTERNET. 318 00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:19,222 I MEAN, LOOK AT THESE! HE SENT THESE TO ME. 319 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,398 I WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW -- LOOK AT THAT! 320 00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,661 I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE... 321 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,926 OH, WAIT A MINUTE. I'M IN THIS ONE. 322 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:30,059 YOU KNOW WHAT? MM-HMM. 323 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,801 I THINK I'M GONNA GO CALL HIM 324 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,759 AND MAYBE TRY TO MAKE UP WITH HIM. 325 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,326 THANKS. YOU'VE BEEN A LOT OF HELP. 326 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,166 SIR. A MOMENT? 327 00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:51,646 HEY, YEAH. WHAT'S UP? 328 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,735 YEAH, I'M WITH -- I'M WITH PARK SECURITY, 329 00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:56,172 AND WE HAVE A NEW REGULATION 330 00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:59,219 THAT ANYBODY WHO'S SIX FEET TALL 331 00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:00,655 IS TOO TALL FOR THE PARK... 332 00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:02,787 ALL RIGHT. ...BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN BANGING 333 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,094 THEIR HEADS INTO THE BRANCHES, 334 00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:07,270 AND WE GOT, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF SECURITY ISSUES. 335 00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,055 ALL RIGHT. THERE'S A LOT OF OVERHANG. 336 00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:11,144 RIGHT. OKAY. 337 00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:12,884 SO, UH, WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO, 338 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,364 FROM HERE ON TO THE EXIT, 339 00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,801 IS SHOW ME THAT YOU CAN BE UNDER SIX FEET. 340 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,890 - JUST -- RIGHT. - JUST CROUCH DOWN. 341 00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:20,370 - JUST ABOUT THIS? OKAY. - RIGHT. RIGHT. 342 00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:22,590 THAT'S RIGHT. JUST KEEP SCHLUMPED. 343 00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,287 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO STAY IN THAT POSITION. 344 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,724 ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 345 00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:31,207 RIGHT. STAY SCHLUMPED. STAY SCHLUMPED. 346 00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:37,866 AAH! 347 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,868 - WHAT'S WRONG, DEAR? - ZOMBIE! 348 00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:49,269 OH, THAT'S NOT A ZOMBIE. HE'S JUST SLEEPWALKING. 349 00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:55,579 ALTHOUGH YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE WHEN HE'S AWAKE. 350 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,717 Man: EXCUSE ME. 351 00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:04,936 ARE ANY OF YOU GUYS, UH, WILLING TO BE 352 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,895 ON "WORLD RECORD BREAKERS," BREAK A WORLD RECORD? 353 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,505 FOR WHAT? 354 00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:11,900 WELL, IT'S ACTUALLY FOR THE LONGEST KISS ON CAMERA. 355 00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:15,512 AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS KISS EDNA FOR THREE MINUTES. 356 00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:17,775 - I'M DOWN. - OKAY, COME ON. 357 00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:19,951 - WHAT'S YOUR NAME? - REED. 358 00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:21,475 REED, STAND RIGHT HERE IN THE MIDDLE. 359 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,043 Man: YOU CAN DO IT! 360 00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:26,436 ALL RIGHT, THIS IS REED, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 361 00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,786 AND WE'RE ON "WORLD RECORD BREAKERS," 362 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,614 AND REED IS ABOUT TO PERFORM 363 00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,182 THE LONGEST ON-CAMERA KISS WITH EDNA. 364 00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:34,575 - THERE YOU GO. - OH, NO! 365 00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:35,576 REED? 366 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,404 THAT'S DECEPTIVE. 367 00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:41,625 ♪ LET'S GO CRAZY ♪ 368 00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:46,587 ♪ COME ON, LET'S GO CRAZY, BABY ♪ 369 00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,502 ♪ LET'S GO, LET'S GO ♪ 370 00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:53,072 SIR, EXCUSE ME. CAN I ASK YOU ADVICE, PLEASE? 371 00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:56,205 MY GIRLFRIEND JUST CHANGED HER FACEBOOK STATUS 372 00:17:56,379 --> 00:18:00,296 FROM "RELATIONSHIP" TO "IT'S COMPLICATED." 373 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:03,169 WOW. 374 00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,040 I DON'T KNOW. DID YOU GUYS HAVE AN ARGUMENT RECENTLY? 375 00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,782 WE DIDN'T HAVE AN ARGUMENT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I DID? 376 00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:10,393 I ASKED HER TO HAVE A THREESOME WITH HER BEST FRIEND. 377 00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:12,613 UH, THAT'LL DO IT. 378 00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,745 YOU REALLY THINK THAT DID IT? YEAH. 379 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,834 I MEAN, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? 380 00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,184 - AS A WOMAN? - YEAH, AS A WOMAN? 381 00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:19,924 I WOULD BE UPSET. 382 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,578 "LIKE, YOU THINK I'M NOT ENOUGH? 383 00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:23,841 "WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME TO DO A THREESOME? 384 00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,800 NOT ONLY A THREESOME, BUT WITH MY BEST FRIEND." 385 00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:27,454 - AH. - YEAH. 386 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,412 THAT'S REALLY GOOD ADVICE. YOU KNOW WHAT? 387 00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:30,848 I'M GONNA GET SOME CHOCOLATE, 388 00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:32,546 AND MAYBE -- MAYBE SHE'LL RECONSIDER, 389 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,069 AND WE'LL HAVE A WONDERFUL THREESOME, OKAY? 390 00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,244 YEAH. THANKS, BUDDY. 391 00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:36,680 - GOOD LUCK. - GOOD LUCK. THANK YOU. 392 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:46,342 HI. WOULD YOU TAKE MY PICTURE? 393 00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:47,648 SURE. 394 00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:49,476 OH, GOOD. 395 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,173 ENJOY IT. 396 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,435 OH. 397 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:04,534 HOW YOU DOING TODAY? 398 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:05,840 GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? 399 00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:07,972 YOU GONNA EAT THAT LIKE THAT? 400 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,845 I GOT CONDIMENTS. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 401 00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,716 I GOT MUSTARD, KETCHUP. 402 00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:15,023 WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE? 403 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:16,764 I GOT RANCH DRESSING. 404 00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:18,679 - NO, THANK YOU. - YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT? 405 00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:20,115 HOLD ON. HOLD ON. I GOT A CALL. 406 00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:22,900 ONE SECOND. 407 00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,338 WHAT DO YOU WANT? RANCH? 408 00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:26,469 OKAY, I'LL BE THERE IN 10 MINUTES. 409 00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:37,350 AND NOW "BETTY WHITE'S PEARLS OF WISDOM." 410 00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:40,179 I MAY BE AN AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS 411 00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:44,835 WITH OVER 70 YEARS' EXPERIENCE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY, 412 00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:47,795 BUT I'D LIKE TO BE THOUGHT OF FIRST AND FOREMOST 413 00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,101 AS A GOOD PERSON. 414 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,104 SO I FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE RULES -- 415 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:56,325 A SMILE CAN BRIGHTEN SOMEONE'S DAY, 416 00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:59,589 DONATE WHATEVER YOU CAN TO CHARITY, 417 00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:01,765 AND IF YOU DO ENOUGH GOOD, 418 00:20:01,939 --> 00:20:06,248 EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU GET TO BE BAD. 419 00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:08,729 AND I DO A LOT OF GOOD. 29324

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