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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:27,544 EXCUSE ME, HON. DO YOU TEXT? 2 00:00:27,613 --> 00:00:28,718 YEAH, I DO. 3 00:00:28,787 --> 00:00:30,064 I FORGOT MY GLASSES, 4 00:00:30,133 --> 00:00:31,134 AND I CANNOT SEE THIS. 5 00:00:31,203 --> 00:00:32,894 WOULD YOU TEXT MY BOYFRIEND FOR ME? 6 00:00:32,963 --> 00:00:34,241 HERE. CAN YOU HOLD THAT FOR JUST A SECOND? 7 00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:35,311 SURE. OH, THANK YOU. 8 00:00:35,380 --> 00:00:37,209 OKAY. READY? YEAH, READY. 9 00:00:37,278 --> 00:00:38,383 "LEO..." 10 00:00:38,452 --> 00:00:39,522 "LEO..." 11 00:00:39,591 --> 00:00:40,799 "...YOUR MOTHER..." 12 00:00:40,868 --> 00:00:42,283 "...YOUR..." 13 00:00:42,352 --> 00:00:45,148 "...WON'T STOP CALLING ME." 14 00:00:45,217 --> 00:00:46,805 "...WON'T STOP..." 15 00:00:46,874 --> 00:00:49,980 "YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING..." 16 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:50,981 "...YOU WERE GOING..." 17 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:55,676 "...TO MOVE OUT OF HER HOUSE 18 00:00:55,745 --> 00:00:57,609 RIGHT AFTER COLLEGE." 19 00:00:57,678 --> 00:00:59,024 "...RIGHT AFTER COLLEGE." 20 00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,716 YES. AND HIT "SEND" FOR ME. 21 00:01:01,785 --> 00:01:02,717 OKAY. 22 00:01:04,236 --> 00:01:07,067 THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR PICKING UP GUYS AT COLLEGE BARS, RIGHT? 23 00:01:09,310 --> 00:01:13,073 WHOO! LOOKIN' GOOD, SWEETHEART. 24 00:01:27,466 --> 00:01:28,640 NAILED IT. 25 00:01:56,426 --> 00:01:57,427 OH! 26 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,407 OH, HI, THERE. 27 00:02:11,476 --> 00:02:13,892 AND WELCOME TO "OFF THEIR ROCKERS." 28 00:02:13,961 --> 00:02:17,344 I WAS JUST READING ABOUT ALTERNATIVE HEALING METHODS. 29 00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:20,588 I'M REALLY INTERESTED IN TRYING A DETOX CLEANSE, 30 00:02:20,657 --> 00:02:23,764 AND I THOUGHT I SHOULD PASS IT ON TO MY FRIENDS. 31 00:02:23,833 --> 00:02:25,006 HEY, BETTY. 32 00:02:25,075 --> 00:02:27,871 YOU THINK THIS LEECH THERAPY ACTUALLY WORKS? 33 00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:30,943 OH, STEVE-O, I WAS TALKING ABOUT A JUICE FAST. 34 00:02:31,012 --> 00:02:32,117 YEAH, WELL, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW 35 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:34,015 HOW TO GET THESE THINGS OFF OF ME, WOULD YOU? 36 00:02:34,084 --> 00:02:35,224 I DON'T KNOW. 37 00:02:35,293 --> 00:02:38,330 BUT YOU BETTER FIND OUT. ONE'S HEADING SOUTH. 38 00:02:38,399 --> 00:02:40,884 AAAAAH! 39 00:02:56,072 --> 00:02:57,522 EXCUSE ME. WHAT YEAR ARE YOU? 40 00:02:57,591 --> 00:02:58,523 UH, SENIOR. 41 00:02:58,592 --> 00:03:01,457 SENIOR -- PERFECT. CHAPTER NINE. 42 00:03:01,526 --> 00:03:04,563 I NEED ALL THE PROBLEMS DONE BY TUESDAY. 43 00:03:04,632 --> 00:03:07,394 I HEAR YOU'RE THE BEST. DON'T LET ME DOWN. 44 00:03:07,463 --> 00:03:09,982 THE CHECK'S IN THE MAIL. 45 00:03:10,051 --> 00:03:11,950 LEAVE IT IN THE USUAL SPOT. 46 00:03:16,575 --> 00:03:18,370 WHAT? I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT GUY IS. 47 00:03:23,133 --> 00:03:25,895 NO, I THOUGHT YOU KNEW HIM. 48 00:03:25,964 --> 00:03:27,310 WOW. 49 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,836 YO. YOUR FLY'S OPEN. 50 00:03:35,905 --> 00:03:37,044 SAY WHAT? 51 00:03:37,113 --> 00:03:38,390 MADE YOU LOOK. 52 00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,093 HI. 53 00:03:52,162 --> 00:03:54,855 EXCUSE ME. WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? 54 00:03:56,477 --> 00:03:57,823 YOU GOT TO GO ACROSS THE AISLE. 55 00:03:57,892 --> 00:03:59,169 STRAIGHT ACROSS. 56 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,309 IT'S ACTUALLY ALMOST STRAIGHT DIRECTLY ACROSS. 57 00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:01,965 THE AISLE WE'RE IN --YEAH? 58 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,035 OVER THERE. 59 00:04:03,104 --> 00:04:04,692 - OH. THANK YOU. - OH, I'M SORRY. 60 00:04:04,761 --> 00:04:06,142 IT'S TOO FAR FOR ME TO WALK. 61 00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:08,109 I APPRECIATE IT. 62 00:04:22,952 --> 00:04:26,266 ATTENTION SHOPPERS -- 63 00:04:26,335 --> 00:04:31,685 SOMEONE JUST CUT A HUGE FART IN THE PRODUCE DEPARTMENT. 64 00:04:34,688 --> 00:04:37,829 CAN WE GET SOME AIR FRESHENER OVER THERE? 65 00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:39,382 THANK YOU. 66 00:04:44,594 --> 00:04:48,184 SOME OF MY FRIENDS COMPLAIN ABOUT HAVING TO BABYSIT, 67 00:04:48,253 --> 00:04:50,393 BUT I JUST LOVE IT. 68 00:04:50,462 --> 00:04:52,430 CAN WE GO HOME NOW? 69 00:04:52,499 --> 00:04:55,881 AS SOON AS YOU GET THAT THIRD COAT ON THE EXTERIOR. 70 00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:57,849 HERE YOU ARE, GREAT-GRANDMA. 71 00:04:57,918 --> 00:04:59,402 OH, THANK YOU, SWEETHEART. 72 00:04:59,471 --> 00:05:00,507 MMM. 73 00:05:02,992 --> 00:05:05,753 NEEDS A TOUCH MORE HAPPY JUICE. 74 00:05:05,822 --> 00:05:08,618 AS YOU WISH, GREAT-GRANDMA. 75 00:05:09,895 --> 00:05:11,449 SUCH GOOD KIDS. 76 00:05:18,387 --> 00:05:20,009 OKAY. BREAK TIME'S OVER. 77 00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:21,769 OPEN UP THE SHOP. 78 00:05:21,838 --> 00:05:23,771 AND THE TOILET'S STILL CLOGGED. 79 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,980 HERE YOU GO. 80 00:05:26,049 --> 00:05:29,329 IF YOU GOT TIME TO LEAN, YOU GOT TIME TO CLEAN. 81 00:05:40,926 --> 00:05:44,620 HI, EVERYONE. WHAT'S GOING ON? 82 00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:48,727 BETTY, WE THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. 83 00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:52,110 YOU'RE A PRANK-AHOLIC. THIS IS AN INTERVENTION. 84 00:05:53,456 --> 00:05:56,356 GUYS, I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE IDEA OF THIS SHOW. 85 00:05:56,425 --> 00:06:01,188 I MEAN, WE SENIORS GO OUT AND PLAY PRACTICAL JOKES ON JUNIORS. 86 00:06:01,257 --> 00:06:03,949 BUT, BETTY, YOU'RE TAKING THIS TOO FAR. 87 00:06:04,018 --> 00:06:06,607 LAST WEEK, MICHAEL SPRAINED HIS ANKLE 88 00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:09,472 RUNNING AFTER YOUR REMOTE-CONTROL RASCAL. 89 00:06:09,541 --> 00:06:13,373 AND ANN STILL CAN'T GET THE PURPLE DYE OUT OF HER HAIR. 90 00:06:13,442 --> 00:06:16,617 WE THINK YOU NEED TO GET SOME SERIOUS HELP. 91 00:06:16,686 --> 00:06:18,274 WELL -- 92 00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:19,689 W-WAIT A MINUTE. 93 00:06:19,758 --> 00:06:22,865 ISN'T THERE ANOTHER WAY? CAN'T WE TALK THIS OUT? 94 00:06:22,934 --> 00:06:27,421 YOU KNOW WHAT'LL HAPPEN TO A GIRL LIKE ME ON THE INSIDE. 95 00:06:27,490 --> 00:06:29,768 GOTCHA! 96 00:06:29,837 --> 00:06:31,667 YOU FELL FOR IT! 97 00:06:31,736 --> 00:06:32,806 OH! 98 00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:34,048 GOOD WORK, GUYS. 99 00:06:34,117 --> 00:06:37,293 OH, YOU GOT ME GOOD. 100 00:06:37,362 --> 00:06:39,778 HEY, DO YOU WANT SOME OF MY HOMEMADE LEMONADE? 101 00:06:39,847 --> 00:06:40,952 YEAH. YOU BET. 102 00:06:49,063 --> 00:06:52,066 OH, NEVER PRANK A PRANKSTER. 103 00:07:06,322 --> 00:07:09,187 DID YOU SEE A SENIOR BUS TOUR AROUND HERE? 104 00:07:10,395 --> 00:07:12,570 WE -- WE JUST POPPED INTO THE BUSHES 105 00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:14,779 FOR A LITTLE PRIVATE TIME. 106 00:07:14,848 --> 00:07:16,574 I THINK IT'S DOWN THIS WAY, GUYS. 107 00:07:16,643 --> 00:07:18,196 Woman: COME ON, LOU! LET'S GO! 108 00:07:18,265 --> 00:07:20,854 Lou: I'M COMING. I'M COMING. 109 00:07:20,923 --> 00:07:22,096 - JUST A SECOND. - COME ON. 110 00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:23,270 I'M COMING. 111 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,283 - HI. HOW YOU DOING? - HI. GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? 112 00:07:36,352 --> 00:07:37,353 SORRY. 113 00:07:37,422 --> 00:07:39,735 SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT MY NAME IS LOU, 114 00:07:39,804 --> 00:07:42,151 AND I JUST NEED SOME ADVICE ON SOMETHING, 115 00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:43,463 ESPECIALLY FROM A WOMAN. 116 00:07:43,532 --> 00:07:44,602 OH. 117 00:07:44,671 --> 00:07:46,604 I'VE BEEN OUT OF THE DATING GAME FOR A WHILE, 118 00:07:46,673 --> 00:07:48,019 AND I NEED AN ICEBREAKER. 119 00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:49,883 I WROTE A FEW. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. 120 00:07:49,952 --> 00:07:52,023 BE HONEST. OKAY, HERE'S ONE. 121 00:07:52,092 --> 00:07:55,026 "I GOT THE MILK CRATE, IF YOU STACK THE FIREWOOD." 122 00:07:55,095 --> 00:07:56,061 ISN'T THAT GOOD? 123 00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:57,684 - SURE. - IS THAT GOOD? 124 00:07:57,753 --> 00:08:00,134 I WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT. 125 00:08:00,203 --> 00:08:01,377 NO, NO, DO YOU THINK IT WOULD WORK? REALLY? 126 00:08:01,446 --> 00:08:02,827 - IT COULD. - OH, GOD, THANK YOU. 127 00:08:02,896 --> 00:08:04,242 OKAY, WAIT, WAIT. I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER ONE. 128 00:08:04,311 --> 00:08:07,003 "WILL YOU COME TO MY PLACE? AND WE COULD HAVE SEX TOGETHER." 129 00:08:07,072 --> 00:08:09,765 WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE, I WOULD SAY. 130 00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,042 REALLY? 131 00:08:11,111 --> 00:08:12,699 IT'S OVER-THE-TOP, HUH? 132 00:08:12,768 --> 00:08:13,907 WELL, YOU KNOW, 133 00:08:13,976 --> 00:08:15,909 YOU'RE JUST PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE REAL FAST. 134 00:08:15,978 --> 00:08:17,704 OKAY, HOW'S THIS ONE? "ARE YOU A TAXI? 135 00:08:17,773 --> 00:08:19,947 'CAUSE I'M LATE FOR A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT." 136 00:08:21,121 --> 00:08:23,399 UM, YEAH. IS THAT NO GOOD? 137 00:08:23,468 --> 00:08:27,092 YOU KNOW, I WOULD GO WITH JUST LIKE, "HI. HOW ARE YOU?" 138 00:08:27,161 --> 00:08:28,577 I JUST START WITH -- 139 00:08:28,646 --> 00:08:29,888 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I'M WRITING IT. 140 00:08:29,957 --> 00:08:31,200 OKAY, WRITE THAT ONE DOWN. THAT'S A GOOD ONE. 141 00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:33,236 WELL, I TRIED, "HOW ARE YOU?" BUT I'LL TRY THAT AGAIN. 142 00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:35,687 YOU KNOW, "HOW ARE -- HOW ARE YOU?" 143 00:08:35,756 --> 00:08:37,033 MAKE SURE YOU SPELL IT CORRECTLY. 144 00:08:37,102 --> 00:08:39,967 COULD I PUT, "WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO BACK TO MY PLACE?" 145 00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:41,106 AT THE END OF THAT? 146 00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:42,487 SURE. YOU THINK THAT REALLY WORK? 147 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:43,799 YEAH, PROBABLY. 148 00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:45,870 YOU KNOW, YOU'VE REALLY GIVEN ME SOME GREAT IDEAS. 149 00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:48,079 I'M GONNA GO TO THAT COFFEE SHOP OVER THERE, WRITE SOME MORE. 150 00:08:48,148 --> 00:08:50,253 AND IF YOU'RE HERE, I'LL COME BACK AND SAY HELLO TO YOU. 151 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:51,565 OKAY, GREAT. 152 00:08:51,634 --> 00:08:53,429 THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 153 00:08:53,498 --> 00:08:54,844 GOSH DARN IT. 154 00:09:09,410 --> 00:09:11,343 EXCUSE ME. 155 00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:14,657 CAN YOU READ THESE LETTERS TO ME WHILE I PUT THEM IN? 156 00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:16,003 THANKS. 4... 157 00:09:16,072 --> 00:09:17,591 4... 158 00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:19,559 X... X... 159 00:09:19,628 --> 00:09:20,560 B... 160 00:09:20,629 --> 00:09:22,354 B? OKAY. "B" AS IN "BOY." 161 00:09:22,423 --> 00:09:23,666 N... N? 162 00:09:23,735 --> 00:09:25,944 YES, "N" AS IN "NOOK." THAT'S IT. 163 00:09:26,013 --> 00:09:27,946 OH! OH, WOW. 164 00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:32,157 I NOW HAVE ACCESS TO EVERY PORN SITE ON THE WEB. 165 00:09:35,505 --> 00:09:36,472 OH, NO. 166 00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:38,647 THEY TRACKED MY I.P. ADDRESS. 167 00:09:38,716 --> 00:09:40,821 I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. 168 00:09:47,828 --> 00:09:49,278 EXCUSE ME A MINUTE. 169 00:09:49,347 --> 00:09:51,004 COULD YOU HOLD THIS JUST FOR A SECOND? 170 00:09:51,073 --> 00:09:52,315 JUST HOLD IT. JUST HOLD IT LIKE THAT. 171 00:09:58,045 --> 00:09:59,737 WET FLOOR. 172 00:10:12,784 --> 00:10:14,165 OH. 173 00:10:14,234 --> 00:10:15,787 EXCUSE ME, GIRLS. HI. 174 00:10:15,856 --> 00:10:17,202 COULD I GET YOUR OPINION ABOUT SOMETHING? 175 00:10:17,271 --> 00:10:19,032 OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 176 00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:21,344 I HAVE JUST STARTED DATING AGAIN, 177 00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,552 BUT I'VE MET THIS GUY, 178 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,693 AND THIS MORNING, HE SENT ME A TEXT. 179 00:10:24,762 --> 00:10:27,247 HE WANTS ME TO SEND SOME PICTURES. 180 00:10:27,316 --> 00:10:28,455 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 181 00:10:28,524 --> 00:10:31,078 DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY WHO'S EVER DONE THIS? 182 00:10:31,147 --> 00:10:32,942 NOT PERSONALLY, NO. NO. 183 00:10:33,011 --> 00:10:34,116 YEAH. 184 00:10:34,185 --> 00:10:35,704 DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YOURSELF? 185 00:10:35,773 --> 00:10:36,774 GO TO THE CAMERA. 186 00:10:36,843 --> 00:10:38,292 THERE'S A BUTTON THAT SAYS "REVERSE" 187 00:10:38,361 --> 00:10:39,431 DOWN AT THE BOTTOM CORNER. 188 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:40,812 OH, GREAT. HE'S GONNA LOVE THESE. 189 00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:44,091 I'M GONNA RUN AND BUY MYSELF SOME LINGERIE, MAYBE A MIRROR. 190 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,368 HE'S GONNA LOVE THESE. 191 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:46,438 BYE. 192 00:10:46,507 --> 00:10:48,371 OOH. THANK YOU. 193 00:11:05,803 --> 00:11:08,012 EXCUSE ME. DO YOU LIKE THIS? 194 00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:09,772 YES, IT'S VERY NICE. 195 00:11:09,841 --> 00:11:11,187 IT LOOKS COMFY, RIGHT? 196 00:11:11,256 --> 00:11:14,328 AND I THOUGHT IT WAS -- THE GRAY IS KIND OF CLASSY. 197 00:11:14,397 --> 00:11:15,605 TOTALLY. COULD YOU HOLD THIS? 198 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,643 IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S A GOOD QUALITY. 199 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,301 YEAH. I THOUGHT SO. I LIKE THE WHOLE LOOK. 200 00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:23,027 YOU MIND IF I LIE DOWN AND JUST SEE HOW IT FEELS? 201 00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:24,373 OH, I DON'T WORK HERE, SO SURE. 202 00:11:24,442 --> 00:11:25,857 OKAY. 203 00:11:25,926 --> 00:11:27,825 I REALLY ADMIRE YOUR TASTE, SO THAT'S WHY I STOPPED YOU. 204 00:11:27,894 --> 00:11:29,205 AW, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 205 00:11:29,274 --> 00:11:31,311 OH. IT'S COOL. 206 00:11:36,419 --> 00:11:37,524 HELLO? 207 00:11:40,009 --> 00:11:41,079 HELLO? 208 00:11:43,116 --> 00:11:44,289 MA'AM? 209 00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:50,537 MA'AM? 210 00:11:52,263 --> 00:11:54,196 I HAVE TO GO. 211 00:12:13,871 --> 00:12:17,598 ISN'T IT AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN DO ON THE INTERNET THESE DAYS? 212 00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:20,774 I JUST EARNED A DEGREE ONLINE. 213 00:12:20,843 --> 00:12:23,639 BETTY, HURRY. THE BABY'S HEAD IS CROWNING. 214 00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:25,434 OH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 215 00:12:25,503 --> 00:12:26,642 OH. 216 00:12:26,711 --> 00:12:28,540 DON'T WORRY. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. 217 00:12:28,609 --> 00:12:30,784 I JUST WATCHED ONE OF THESE THINGS ON YouTube. 218 00:12:43,935 --> 00:12:45,385 EXCUSE ME, LADIES. ONE MOMENT. 219 00:12:45,454 --> 00:12:47,697 DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE THE TIME? HUH? 220 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,698 YEAH. 221 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,079 YEAH? WHAT? 222 00:12:50,148 --> 00:12:51,218 11:45. 223 00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:53,186 11:45!11:45! 224 00:13:08,718 --> 00:13:10,237 HELLO. 225 00:13:10,306 --> 00:13:12,653 SOMEONE DROPPED THIS BABY OFF AT THE CONVENT, 226 00:13:12,722 --> 00:13:15,484 AND WE CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH AS A RELIGIOUS ORDER. 227 00:13:15,553 --> 00:13:18,418 WE DECIDED THAT WE WANTED TO FIND HER A GOOD HOME, 228 00:13:18,487 --> 00:13:21,214 AND YOU LADIES LOOK LIKE YOU'D MAKE A WONDERFUL MOTHER. 229 00:13:21,283 --> 00:13:23,285 SO, ENJOY AND CONGRATULATIONS. 230 00:13:25,735 --> 00:13:27,082 WHAT? 231 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,188 GOOD LUCK TO YOU! 232 00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:53,453 HI. HI. 233 00:13:53,522 --> 00:13:56,249 I'M SORRY. I JUST GOT TO GET THIS OUT. 234 00:13:56,318 --> 00:13:57,491 IT'S NOT YOU. 235 00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:58,803 IT'S ME. UH-HUH. 236 00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:01,806 IT'S JUST NOT WORKING OUT, YOU KNOW? 237 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,394 SO, WE'RE JUST GROWING APART. 238 00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:06,776 SO, YEAH, I'M DONE. 239 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,400 DID SOMETHING HAPPEN, THE FINAL STRAW? 240 00:14:09,469 --> 00:14:12,058 YEAH, YOU -- WE'RE JUST GROWING APART. 241 00:14:12,127 --> 00:14:15,475 AND I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU, OKAY? 242 00:14:15,544 --> 00:14:18,409 OKAY. WELL, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT. 243 00:14:18,478 --> 00:14:19,479 YOU GET IT? WE'RE DONE. 244 00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:22,723 SO, HOW DO YOU THINK I DID? 245 00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:24,070 OKAY. YOU DID GREAT. 246 00:14:24,139 --> 00:14:25,623 I DID GREAT? 247 00:14:25,692 --> 00:14:28,212 I'M MEETING MY BOYFRIEND, AND WE'RE BREAKING UP. 248 00:14:28,281 --> 00:14:29,661 YOU KNOW? OHH. 249 00:14:29,730 --> 00:14:31,491 22-YEAR-OLDS ARE SO SENSITIVE, 250 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:32,768 SO I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE IT SOUNDED GOOD. 251 00:14:32,837 --> 00:14:34,459 SO, I DID GOOD? IS HE 22? 252 00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:36,220 YEAH. 253 00:14:36,289 --> 00:14:37,324 YEAH. 254 00:14:37,393 --> 00:14:38,498 - IT SOUNDED GOOD? - IT SOUNDED GOOD. 255 00:14:38,567 --> 00:14:40,224 - YOU KNOW WHAT? - GREAT. 256 00:14:40,293 --> 00:14:43,434 YOU JUST GOT TO JUST BE STRONG IN YOUR CONVICTION. 257 00:14:43,503 --> 00:14:44,573 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 258 00:14:44,642 --> 00:14:46,126 YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S NOT EASY. GOOD LUCK. 259 00:14:46,195 --> 00:14:47,369 THANK YOU. 260 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,855 SIR, IS THERE A FREEWAY ENTRANCE UP HERE SOMEPLACE? 261 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,754 UH, YEAH. IT'S THAT WAY. 262 00:15:27,823 --> 00:15:30,446 MY GRANDSON HAS BEEN KEEPING ME UP ALL NIGHT CRYING -- 263 00:15:30,515 --> 00:15:31,482 JUST CRYING. 264 00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:33,967 AND, YOU KNOW, I GOT TO GET HIM HOME. 265 00:15:34,036 --> 00:15:35,037 I GOT TO GET HIM HOME. 266 00:15:48,602 --> 00:15:50,811 YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS GET EXCITED 267 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,986 GOING OUT WITH SOMEBODY FOR THE FIRST TIME. 268 00:15:53,055 --> 00:15:54,954 SO, TO CALM MY NERVES, 269 00:15:55,023 --> 00:15:58,164 I MAKE SURE I'M TOTALLY PREPARED. 270 00:15:58,233 --> 00:15:59,544 THERE WE GO. 271 00:15:59,613 --> 00:16:00,787 AHH. 272 00:16:00,856 --> 00:16:04,066 AH. I JUST HAVE ONE MORE THING TO DO. 273 00:16:07,311 --> 00:16:08,726 HOW ARE HIS FINANCES? 274 00:16:08,795 --> 00:16:09,899 HE OWNS HIS OWN HOME, 275 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,109 AND HE HAS A HEALTHY RETIREMENT PLAN. 276 00:16:12,178 --> 00:16:13,179 HEALTH HISTORY? 277 00:16:13,248 --> 00:16:15,215 SOME MINOR KIDNEY STONES IN 2010, 278 00:16:15,284 --> 00:16:17,873 BUT OTHER THAN THAT, FIT AS A FIDDLE. 279 00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:19,185 FAMILY? 280 00:16:19,254 --> 00:16:22,464 OH, BETTY, WE MAY HAVE A PROBLEM HERE. 281 00:16:22,533 --> 00:16:23,810 REALLY? WHAT'S UP? 282 00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:25,985 HE HAS AN IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER. 283 00:16:26,054 --> 00:16:29,747 MY INTEL SAYS THEY SOMETIMES LIKE TO SWAP THEIR PARTNERS. 284 00:16:29,816 --> 00:16:31,300 WELL... 285 00:16:31,369 --> 00:16:33,716 THIS DATE'S TURNING OUT TO BE TWICE AS INTERESTING 286 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,856 AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. 287 00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:46,039 EXCUSE ME. 288 00:16:46,108 --> 00:16:47,903 WILL YOU PLEASE HOLD THIS FOR ONE SECOND? 289 00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:49,422 YOU LIKE POOL? 290 00:16:49,491 --> 00:16:50,699 WATCH THIS. 291 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,496 THANKS. 292 00:17:07,716 --> 00:17:10,167 CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? YEAH. 293 00:17:10,236 --> 00:17:12,272 WE'RE HAVING A CELEBRITY DOG EVENT, 294 00:17:12,341 --> 00:17:14,481 AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO CLEAR EVERY DOG 295 00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:16,345 THAT COMES INTO THE PARK. 296 00:17:16,414 --> 00:17:18,037 NAME? 297 00:17:18,106 --> 00:17:19,590 - FOR THE DOG? - THE DOG'S NAME. 298 00:17:19,659 --> 00:17:21,833 HERMIONE. HERMIONE. 299 00:17:21,902 --> 00:17:22,834 HERMIONE. 300 00:17:22,903 --> 00:17:24,802 HERMIONE. 301 00:17:24,871 --> 00:17:25,906 OH, HERMIONE. 302 00:17:25,975 --> 00:17:28,288 I GOT A HAPPY. I GOT A HENRIETTA. 303 00:17:28,357 --> 00:17:30,118 HERMIONE. 304 00:17:30,187 --> 00:17:31,843 YEAH. 305 00:17:31,912 --> 00:17:35,192 OKAY, I DO HAVE A HERMIONE, BUT IT'S A GREAT DANE. 306 00:17:35,261 --> 00:17:36,365 WHAT KIND OF BREED IS THIS DOG? 307 00:17:36,434 --> 00:17:38,436 - THIS IS A DACHSHUND. - A DACHSHUND. 308 00:17:38,505 --> 00:17:40,438 OKAY, WELL, LET ME CHECK. 309 00:17:40,507 --> 00:17:42,061 THERE'S AN IMPORTANT EVENT GOING ON. 310 00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:43,786 IT'S A BIRTHDAY PARTY. 311 00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,029 ARE YOU REGULARS HERE? 312 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,031 YEAH. YEAH. OH, YOU ARE? 313 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,930 ALL RIGHT, I GOT -- I GOT A HERMIONE... 314 00:17:49,999 --> 00:17:51,415 AND WHAT'S --DUDLEY. 315 00:17:51,484 --> 00:17:52,657 DUDLEY. 316 00:17:52,726 --> 00:17:54,659 DUDLEY AND HERMIONE. YEAH. 317 00:17:54,728 --> 00:17:57,869 YEAH. I KNOW IT'S A RIDICULOUS NAME. 318 00:17:57,938 --> 00:17:59,595 THEY'RE DACHSHUNDS, YEAH. 319 00:17:59,664 --> 00:18:01,390 YEAH. 320 00:18:01,459 --> 00:18:03,841 YEAH, HERMIONE AND DUDLEY ARE OKAY. 321 00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:05,463 THEY CLEARED YOU. 322 00:18:05,532 --> 00:18:07,293 YOUR DOGS LIKE MINERAL WATER? 323 00:18:07,362 --> 00:18:08,984 YEAH. OH. 324 00:18:09,053 --> 00:18:10,882 HAVE A NICE TIME UP THERE. 325 00:18:10,951 --> 00:18:13,230 I HOPE THAT THE FLASHBULBS FROM THE PHOTOGRAPHERS 326 00:18:13,299 --> 00:18:16,785 DON'T SPOOK YOUR DOGS, BUT, YOU KNOW, HAVE A GOOD TIME. 327 00:18:24,758 --> 00:18:26,139 OH, LOOK AT YOUR TATTOOS. 328 00:18:26,208 --> 00:18:27,727 COULD I TALK TO YOU GUYS FOR JUST A MINUTE? 329 00:18:27,796 --> 00:18:29,625 - I HAVE SUCH A DILEMMA. - UH... 330 00:18:29,694 --> 00:18:32,214 MY GRANDDAUGHTER WANTS ME TO GET A TRAMP STAMP. 331 00:18:32,283 --> 00:18:34,423 DO YOU KNOW WHAT A TRAMP STAMP IS? 332 00:18:35,873 --> 00:18:38,047 YOU KNOW, I WANT TO BE COOL. YOUR TATTOOS ARE -- 333 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,257 - I GOT A TRAMP STAMP. - OH, YOU DO? 334 00:18:40,326 --> 00:18:41,258 WHAT DOES IT SAY? 335 00:18:41,327 --> 00:18:42,742 IT'S JUST A PICTURE. 336 00:18:42,811 --> 00:18:46,021 OH, MY GOSH. THAT'S BEAUTIFUL! 337 00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:47,402 SOMEBODY SAID YOU GET THE GUY'S NAME -- 338 00:18:47,471 --> 00:18:48,748 YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT A YOUNGER BOYFRIEND. 339 00:18:48,817 --> 00:18:51,233 WHAT IF I GOT "PROPERTY OF" HIS NAME RIGHT ON THE BACK? 340 00:18:51,302 --> 00:18:52,683 NO, DON'T GET NAMES. IT'S A CURSE. 341 00:18:52,752 --> 00:18:53,925 BUT WHAT ABOUT -- 342 00:18:53,994 --> 00:18:55,755 SHE'S ALSO SUGGESTED, LIKE, "SLIPPERY WHEN WET." 343 00:18:56,859 --> 00:18:58,102 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 344 00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,207 YES, YOU DO. 345 00:18:59,276 --> 00:19:00,863 - IS THAT NAUGHTY? - YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 346 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:04,936 ABSOLUTELY NOT. I FEEL VERY STRANGE ABOUT THIS. 347 00:19:05,005 --> 00:19:06,317 YOU KNOW WHAT? NO, WAIT. 348 00:19:06,386 --> 00:19:08,492 NO, YOU'VE HELPED ME BECAUSE I LIKE THE COLORS. 349 00:19:08,561 --> 00:19:10,218 I THINK I'M JUST GONNA GET ANGEL WINGS. 350 00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:11,909 - OH, THAT'S NICE. - THAT'D BE PRETTY. 351 00:19:11,978 --> 00:19:14,222 THANK YOU SO MUCH. OH, THANK YOU, SWEETHEART. 352 00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:15,223 BYE-BYE. 353 00:19:29,029 --> 00:19:31,411 MOVE OUT THE WAY, BIOTCHES! 354 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,930 HAVE A GREAT DAY. 355 00:19:32,999 --> 00:19:34,380 YOU, TOO. 356 00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:38,660 WHOO! MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! 357 00:19:43,285 --> 00:19:45,908 OUT OF MY WAY! I GOT TO GET MY PRAY ON! 358 00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,566 GOD BLESS YOU. 359 00:19:55,573 --> 00:19:58,369 I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE ON OUR SHOW, STEVE-O. 360 00:19:58,438 --> 00:19:59,715 ME TOO, BETTY. 361 00:19:59,784 --> 00:20:01,441 YOU KNOW, I'VE PULLED A LOT OF PRANKS IN MY DAY, 362 00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:03,685 AND I'VE GOT SOME SCARS TO PROVE IT. 363 00:20:03,754 --> 00:20:05,100 SEE RIGHT THERE? 364 00:20:05,169 --> 00:20:07,551 I GOT THAT DIVING THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD OF MY CAR 365 00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:08,862 OFF A SKATEBOARD. 366 00:20:08,931 --> 00:20:11,313 YOU THINK THAT'S BAD? 367 00:20:11,382 --> 00:20:15,697 I GOT THIS ON MY VERY FIRST JOB AS A LION TAMER. 368 00:20:15,766 --> 00:20:17,146 WELL, RIGHT HERE -- 369 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:20,702 I GOT THAT TAKING A FACE-PLANT OFF A SECOND-FLOOR BALCONY. 370 00:20:20,771 --> 00:20:22,359 MY CHIN'S ALWAYS LOOKED WORSE SINCE THEN, 371 00:20:22,428 --> 00:20:23,705 BUT MY TEETH LOOK WAY BETTER. 372 00:20:23,774 --> 00:20:25,224 AH. 373 00:20:26,811 --> 00:20:28,192 METAL PLATE IN MY HEAD. 374 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:31,368 RUE McCLANAHAN AND I WERE ROUGHHOUSING 375 00:20:31,437 --> 00:20:33,162 ON THE SET OF "THE GOLDEN GIRLS." 376 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,578 YOU KNOW HOW YOU DO. 377 00:20:34,647 --> 00:20:36,545 YEAH, I FEEL LIKE I CAN LEARN A LOT FROM YOU, BETTY. 378 00:20:36,614 --> 00:20:40,342 I'VE ALWAYS KIND OF THOUGHT OF US AS KINDRED SPIRITS. 379 00:20:40,411 --> 00:20:41,516 AHH. 380 00:20:41,585 --> 00:20:44,001 NOW, LET'S QUIT ALL THIS SAPPY STUFF 381 00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:47,970 AND SET OUR SKATEBOARDS ON FIRE AND ROLL OFF THE ROOF. 382 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,559 SOUNDS LIKE A DUMB IDEA. I'M IN. 26233

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