Original subtitles

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD. LISTEN, I WAS THINKING, YOU KNOW, YOU RUN, I RUN.

MAYBE WE SHOULD, YOU KNOW, SHOWER TOGETHER.

YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I DON'T THINK SO. THANKS FOR THE OFFER.

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?

HEY!

TAKE MY PICTURE!

OH!

OH, MY GOD!

HIT ME.

COME BACK HERE!

SAY "BIG BOOBS."

AAAAAH!

OH, HELLO, THERE.

WELCOME TO "OFF THEIR ROCKERS."

WHAT I LOVE IS

ALL OUR SENIOR MOMENTS ARE FUNNY AND ON PURPOSE.

I AM SO EXCITED.

MY SUPER MARGARITA X-6000 JUST ARRIVED.

WHAT DOES IT DO?

WHAT DOESN'T IT DO? IT DOES EVERYTHING.

WAIT, HERE. OH, SEE.

I KNOW SOME OF YOU MIGHT BE CONCERNED ABOUT A PERSON MY AGE

OPERATING A HIGH-TECH MARGARITA MACHINE,

BUT I'VE BEEN TRAINED ON IT.

I GRADUATED WITH A 3.0.

AND THAT WAS JUST MY GPA, NOT MY BLOOD-ALCOHOL.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

HI, GOOD.

YOU'RE AWFULLY CUTE.

I'M INTERESTED IN PARTYING. ARE YOU?

I MEAN, I'M OLD, BUT I'M ALSO SEXY AND HORNY.

ARE YOU SURE?

NOT AT THE MOMENT, NO.

I CAN TEACH YOU A LOT.

NO. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

REALLY? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.

GOOD LUCK.

THANKS. I'LL KEEP TRYING.

NOT THAT ONE.

THIS ONE.

HEY.

GREAT FLIP FLOPS.

I LOVE THOSE.

ARE THOSE GOOD QUALITY, YOU THINK, YAMA?

THEY LOOK VERY NICE. YEAH.

VERY NICE.

JUST WONDERING WHERE YOU BOUGHT THOSE FLIP FLOPS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT -- THEY'RE COLLEGE.

THEY'RE FROM INDIANA UNIVERSITY.

I GOT THEM WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL.

REALLY? GREAT.

OH, THANK YOU.

UH, YAMA,

WRITE THIS FELLOW A CHECK

FOR $460 FOR THOSE SHOES.

$460? WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

DAVID MULLER.

DAVID, D-A-V-I-D, MULLER.

OH, WAIT, CANCEL THAT, YAMA.

I SEE -- I SEE A NECKTIE I HAVE TO HAVE.

I HAVE TO HAVE IT. OH, LOOK AT THAT NECKTIE.

OH, MY. OH.

WHAT A BEAUTY.

THAT IS A NECKTIE.

EXCUSE ME, GUYS.

COULD I INTERRUPT YOU FOR JUST A SECOND?

I HATE TO INTERRUPT YOUR LUNCH.

THEY'RE HAVING A PUBLICITY SHOOT IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES,

AND THEY'RE LOOKING FOR VERY DESIRABLE AND APPEALING PEOPLE,

AND YOU TWO ARE PERFECT.

BUT WOULD YOU MIND COVERING YOUR FACE

WHEN THE CAMERAS START TO ROLL?

BECAUSE -- YEAH. PERFECT.

WHEN YOU'RE DEALING WITH WILD, UNPREDICTABLE SENIORS,

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.

SO WE KEEP A MEDICAL TEAM ON HAND AT ALL TIMES,

LIKE THIS WONDERFUL DOCTOR WHO'S HERE WITH ME NOW.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY, BETTY?

OH, DOCTOR, I STUBBED MY TOE.

COULD YOU EXAMINE IT?

WELL, OF COURSE.

OKAY, I'LL GO DISROBE FOR MY SWEDISH MASSAGE.

MS. WHITE, YOU DON'T NEED A SWEDISH MASSAGE

FOR ME TO EXAMINE YOUR TOE.

OKAY, THEN I'M ASSUMING

YOU DON'T NEED A LONG, COSTLY MALPRACTICE SUIT.

FINE.

OH.

WATCH THIS.

OKAY.

SIR, I PRINTED OUT THE WRONG CHECK.

HERE YOU GO.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

HELLO?

YOU OKAY?

SYLVIA!

WORKS EVERY TIME!

OH, MY GOD.

IS HE REALLY JUST LIKE, RUNNING?

Woman: WHERE'D HE GO?

HE RAN AWAY.

IS THIS GUY SERIOUS?

LIKE...WATCH THIS. DON'T TELL HER.

WHAT THE ?

WHOO!

WHOO-HOO-HOO!

WHOO!

WHOA!

WHOO!

WHOO!

WHOA!

LET'S GO GET A BEER AND A HOT DOG.

YEAH, OKAY.

YOU WANT TO COME?

- YEAH, I'LL COME. - COME ON, MAN.

UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR. COULD I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

I WANTED TO BUY SOME BEER, AND I FORGOT MY I.D.,

AND I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU COULD GO IN

AND GET IT FOR ME.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET CARDED?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULDN'T?

YOU LOOK YOUNG, BUT YOU DON'T LOOK UNDER 18.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T LOOK UNDER 18?

WELL, THAT'S THE FACT OF THE MATTER.

OH, WHAT AN INSULT.

Man: EXCUSE ME.

I HAVE A BET I WANT TO -- CAN YOU HELP US OUT HERE?

A BET? A BET.

OKAY, BET.

IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY.

CAN YOU GUESS HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN MARRIED?

UM, 50 YEARS.

50 YEARS?

- I'M ONLY 25. - ARE YOU KIDDING?

SHE'S ONLY 25.

HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I'M REALLY GOOD, AND I'M HUNGRY.

GOOD. WE HAVE REALLY BIG SALADS.

I THINK I'LL HAVE A BIG SALAD,

THE GRILLED OCTOPUS.

GRILLED OCTOPUS.

WE ALSO HAVE A FISH STEW TODAY.

YEAH, I'LL HAVE THAT SOUP.

AND I GOT THE WRONG SOUP, I THINK.

I THINK I'LL HAVE THE CHICKEN SOUP.

CHICKEN SOUP?

IF I'M GONNA HAVE THE ROMAINE,

IT ALREADY COMES WITH THE CHIPOTLE BARBECUE CHICKEN SALAD.

THAT ONE'S ALSO REALLY POPULAR.

THAT'S AWESOME, RIGHT? MM-HMM.

WAIT A MINUTE. IT HAS ONIONS.

WHICH SALAD DID YOU WANT?

WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE THE CHINESE CHICKEN SALAD, BUT...

UH, WHAT KIND OF DRESSING DOES THAT COME WITH?

IT HAS A SESAME DRESSING.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M ALLERGIC TO SESAME. OKAY.

OH, WHAT ABOUT THIS VINAIGRETTE?

IS IT -- "WITH SHERRY VINAIGRETTE" --

IT'S NOT REAL SHERRY, IS IT?

IT IS.

OH, IT IS?

SEE, I CAN'T DRINK AND DRIVE.

IT'S NOT STRONG ENOUGH.

- OH. - IT'S JUST LIKE COOKING SHERRY.

I KNOW, BUT I'M VERY, VERY SENSITIVE TO ALCOHOL.

BUT I HAVE A QUESTION.

ARE THE CROUTONS -- DO THEY HAVE GARLIC?

THEY DO. OH.

NO CROUTONS.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T FIND CROUTONS WITHOUT GARLIC.

I KNOW. I'M SO SORRY.

ANYTHING ELSE FOR YOU TODAY, SIR?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M NOT EVEN THAT HUNGRY.

I'LL HAVE AN ICED TEA.

NO FOOD -- JUST THE ICED TEA.

OKAY.

WOULD YOU STOP STARING AT MY HUSBAND?

I KNOW HE'S HOT,

BUT, YOU KNOW, HE'S NOT LIKE A...

PIECE OF MEAT THAT YOU JUST STARE AT LIKE THAT.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

IT'S OKAY. JUST KEEP YOUR EYES TO YOURSELF.

OHH!

OH, I ALMOST FELL.

I'M SO SORRY.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

OH, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

OH, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

OH, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU'RE VERY KIND.

EMBARRASSED. YOU DIDN'T SEE ANY OF THIS.

- I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. - THANK YOU SO MUCH.

SORRY.

UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR. UM...

I HAVE THIS BUCKET LIST THAT I'M TRYING TO COMPLETE,

AND I ONLY HAVE ONE THING LEFT ON IT,

AND IT'S TO, UM,

DO IT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WITH A TOTAL STRANGER.

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO HELP ME

CHECK THIS ONE OFF MY BUCKET LIST?

HAVING... YEAH.

YOU MEAN RIGHT HERE? YEAH!

OR WE COULD GO AROUND THE CORNER

TO AN ALLEY IF YOU'D BE COMFORTABLE.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT?

NO, MISS...PROBABLY...

I MEAN, I WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT,

BUT...YOU KNOW, IT'S...

WELL, I'VE BEEN TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.

I'VE VISITED THE GRANDKIDS.

I WENT TO THE GRAND CANYON. I'M GOING SKYDIVING NEXT WEEK.

AND THEN, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX TODAY.

YEAH, IT'S PROBABLY NOT SOMETHING...

YOU KNOW, I WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT, BUT...

OKAY, WELL...

YOU'RE JUST GONNA DO IT IN THE ALLEY? YEAH.

EVEN IF PEOPLE ARE, LIKE, WATCHING THIS?

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW,

IT'S A BUCKET LIST.

YEAH, I UNDERSTAND. GOOD LUCK.

THANK YOU.

OKAY, TEAM. FROM HERE ON OUT, WE'RE IN LOCKDOWN.

I MUST DISAVOW ANY CONNECTION WITH YOU

UNTIL AFTER OUR MISSION IS COMPLETE.

I HAVE A QUESTION.

I'M SORRY. DO, UH -- HAVE WE MET?

BETTY, IT'S ME, MICHAEL.

I KNOW.

THAT WAS A TEST.

OH.

HOW DID I DO?

ANN.

NICE SHOT!

AHH.

MAN, THAT'S A GOOD-LOOKING SALAD.

WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S THE SPECIAL.

THE SPECIAL.

SPECIAL CHICKEN SALAD.

LET ME TRY JUST A LITTLE BIT OF THAT.

OH, MAN!

THAT'S HEALTHY.

I THINK THE LEMON DRESSING WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, MATE.

NO, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

THIS IS GOOD.

I THINK I WOULD'VE GOTTEN THE STEAK.

ALL RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME.

COULD YOU WATCH THIS WHILE I GO TO THE BATHROOM?

THANK YOU.

OH, EXCUSE ME, DEAR, COULD YOU HELP ME?

IT'S MY FRIEND.

MY FRIEND, SHE'S NOT BREATHING ANYMORE.

OH, UM...

HELLO?

I'M ALSO NOT BREATHING ANY LESS!

HOLY . THAT IS NOT FUNNY!

♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE ♪

♪ HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FROM THE COUNTER TO YOU ♪IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY.

IT'S NOT?

NO, IT'S NOT FOR ME.

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES, I'M TAKING IT BACK!

WHAT THE WAS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S NOT EITHER ONE OF OUR BIRTHDAYS.

WOW.

MOVE THE HELL OUT THE WAY, !

WHAT THE -- GOD BLESS YOU.

OH.

AH.

HOW ARE YOU? HOW YOU DOING?

I'M GOING TO VISIT MY GRANDCHILDREN.

THAT'S EXCITING.

YEAH. ASHLEY'S 5, JOEL IS 3.

MY DAUGHTER SAYS THEY'RE AFRAID OF ANIMALS,

SO I FIGURE THEY HAVEN'T BEEN EXPOSED TO THEM ENOUGH,

SO I PICKED THEM UP A VERY SPECIAL GIFT.

I WENT DOWN TO THE POUND, AND I FOUND THIS AMAZING CAT.

I'D SHOW HIM TO YOU,

BUT I GAVE HIM SOME MEDICATION FOR THE FLIGHT.

DO YOU? YEAH.

OH, DO ME A FAVOR. I'M GONNA GRAB SOME WATER.

WOULD YOU JUST WATCH IT FOR A MINUTE?

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

THIS IS "SENIOR TV."

WE'RE AT HERMOSA BEACH PIER TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

FAYETTEVILLE, ARKANSAS.

ARKANSAS. YES, SIR.

SO, WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE IN FAYETTEVILLE, ARKANSAS?

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, I KNOW YOU. I KNOW YOU.

YOU'RE THAT WEATHERMAN FROM "SENIOR TV."

YEAH, LAST WEEK, YOU PREDICTED IT WAS GONNA BE SUNNY,

AND IT RAINED ALL OVER MY PICNIC.

.

YOU, JOHNNY RAINDROP, YOU!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

!

HEY, HEY! HEY!

LEAVE MY WALKER ALONE, YOU SON OF A MOTHER!

YOU BETTER RUN, YOU SON OF A...

I'LL GET YOU.

SON OF A...

HOW MUCH IS A COKE?

COKE? $2.

UH, YEAH. LET'S HAVE A COKE.

MA'AM.

NO, A COKE BOTTLE.

- ONE COKE. - HERE YOU GO.

UH, YOU JUST DRANK OUT OF THE BOTTLE.

IT'S VERY GOOD. MISS?

- FIRST OF ALL, THIS IS GATORADE. - ANOTHER?

NO, A COKE -- NO, A COKE BOTTLE LIKE THAT.

COKE. YES.

YES, ONE COKE BOTTLE.

BUT IT'S NOT COLD.

NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO... OPEN IT.

NO, JUST LIKE, DON'T TASTE IT.

JUST GIVE IT TO ME, AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE MONEY.

TASTE IT. TASTE IT.

NO, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TASTE IT.

THANK YOU, YES, GOOD.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TASTE IT.

GOOD.

$4.

NO. THAT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY. ANOTHER COKE.

NO, IT'S OKAY.

OKAY, BYE.

WELL, THAT'S OUR SHOW.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN?

OH, YEAH, TYLER.

OLD PEOPLE ARE MEAN.

THAT'S A TIME-OUT FOR YOU, TYLER.

JAMIE?

DON'T UNDERESTIMATE PEOPLE BASED ON THEIR AGE

BECAUSE A LONG LIFE COMES WITH MANY YEARS OF WISDOM.

OKAY, YOU'RE JUST KIND OF BEING A SUCK-UP.

WHAT JAMIE IS BASICALLY SAYING IS,

DON'T MESS WITH US OLD FOLKS.

WELL, THAT'S OUR SHOW.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME.