Original subtitles

Oh, very good.

Oh, look at your dog.

Can't take his eyes off of me.

I guess he ain't never seen no one dressed like this before.

It ain't that, Reverend.

You got his bow.

biting your finger. Now stop it. If you keep biting your fingers, you'll get as

fat as a balloon. Now stop it.

Oh, I know what you've been doing.

My wife, sir.

If I don't stop drinking.

Just a minute, just a minute. What do you think you're doing? You can't go in

there without a ticket. And they're two pounds each.

But Mr. Treader said we could go in here, didn't he?

Yeah. Well, I've never heard of this Mr.

Treader.

What does he look like?

That's where you'll find the cafe au lait.

The food tastes like hell. It's not easy to tell the dishwater from soup of the

day. Now the patrons have got a new waitress.

She's called Anna Maria LaBelle.

I don't mind if they'd want that her hair's in a bun, but it's in the right

pudding as well.

She went out in the park one night in the dark and was kissing our chef by

When along came his wife with a long -handled knife, she cut off his knees

two legs.

But when I saw her, she was down by the river, quietly plucking a duck.

Then just as she feared, the gamekeeper appeared.

She looked up and said, what rotten luck.

She cut the duck in the legs of the gamekeeper's face.

He said, you're feeling that duck, I suppose.

She said, come off it, Jim. He's just having a swim. And I'm sitting here

minding his clothes.

The new class had picked Taurus next door to the cafe au lait.

And they advertised big, juicy sweetbreads from the bulls that were

today. I saw it.

Complained to Maria, these sweetbreads are tiny and thin.

Maria said, sure, but respect his senor. You see, sometimes the bull wins.

We stood by her poor old grandfather as he lay upon his deathbed.

And after he sold me his gold -watching chain, he said,

the joys of drink last but a moment.

Cigarette makes you sick, you could die.

But the love of a beautiful woman, oh, it's the best thing that money can buy.

I won't marry the lovely Maria.

She cost family honour for me.

It's all right, I'm sure, with my ma and my pa, but it would upset my wife and I

too.

Just what I wanted.

Yes, it's a lovely pullover. It fits perfectly.

Oh, pink's my favourite colour.

Yes. I always put it on when I'm taking the dog for a walk.

How old are you?

I think I'm either four or five. I don't know which.

Do you drink?

No. Do you go out with girls?

No.

Hello Who thank you there is no one here called stink

citizens attired in their togas and long flowing white robes, their politicians

parading with laurel wreaths around their heads, and the centurions striding

through the streets wearing breastplates through the wide open spotless streets.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is ancient Rome.

It's not, you know.

I beg your pardon.

this one wouldn't quite date.

Sorry, darling, couldn't get to my key.

I've got three votes away and three chances.

Everything OK?

No, it's not. Perkins has gone to Scotland.

Oh, no. His mother's ill.

Oh, what a time to choose.

I rang the agency and they said they'd try and send somebody else. Today of all

days.

Heavenly body.

I beg your pardon? I say good evening, heavenly body. I think he means good

evening, everybody.

You go on.

You're fat.

I beg your pardon?

I say you're fat.

riff around the corner.

But he doesn't mention ma 'am's servant or waiter. Have you waited at the table

before? Yeah, I a good waiter.

And valet?

Valet! Valet good waiter, yes!

I'm flubberberry.

Not necessary.

I'm flubberberry best writer in Hockley, Britain.

Hello, dear. How is here?

Look here.

When I get the ride, Pick up a tray and say, would you consider some

refreshments? Consider certain what?

Have a drink.

Oh, thank you very much.

That's nice. Yeah. Very warming.

That's vodka.

Oh, vodka.

No, vodka.

Oh, vodka. Oh, yeah, vodka. Start with a wee, not with a woe you.

Yeah, got that, yeah.

Sherry. Sherry. No, sherry.

Sherry. No, sherry.

You're saying... Shelley, Shelley.

You see, it's not difficult when you try.

No, no.

Yeah, yeah, nice, yeah.

Well, answer it. All right, I know what you've done, madam.

Oh, God.

All right, then I know what you've done, God.

No, Mr.

McGee, sir.

Certainly, Mr.

McGee, sir.

No, I am madam.

Madam, yes. I am madam. Madam, madam.

Now let them in and apologise.

for the house being so untidy. I'll be in the bedroom.

Oh, yes, OK.

All right.

Hello, dear.

The madame of this disorderly house is waiting for you in her

bedroom.

Madame, you've got your first customer.

No, no.

I'm Mr Nicholls and this is Mrs...

You have a double chin.

Beg your pardon?

You have a double chin.

You have a double chin.

Oh, double chin.

You have water with wee.

With what?

With wee.

It's spelt with a wee, not with a wobble you.

Check it, check it, check it. Oh, thank you very much.

Too bloody small for me, innit?

Wow!

George, Margaret, lovely to see you. I say, I like your dress.

Oh, just a little something I ran up. You nearly fell off the top.

Not a something, eh, George?

Wouldn't mind a little drinky -poo. How about a spot of Harry Shampers?

Your wife like a drink, yes?

She's not my wife. I haven't got a wife.

Oh.

Who lay for you?

I beg your pardon? I say, who lay for you?

Hip, hip, who lay for you?

You a bachelor?

Or your father?

I'll do that. Thank you. All right.

Get out of the way, will you?

The agency said they'd send someone round.

I'm sorry about this.

Charles, switch the stove off under the minestrone.

the human being I have ever encountered.

It is too late to apologize.

very good man

What is it called?

Muck.

Your voice would thrill a nation.

Your face would be adored.

You'd make a great sensation with wealth and fame. Your reward.

And if you should kiss the way you kiss when we are...

Aren't we forgetting something now of what Daddy says before each meal?

Go easy on the butter.

Oh, yes, my dear.

I see you before the altar.

Standing at the altar.

Yes. And you're all in white. You're dressed all in white.

Yes, my dear.

You are going to become a droid.

How many pockets he has?

Oh, Ethel, look. Ethel, look at that. Look at that. What does he look

like? What sort of woman could fancy anything that looks...

We had a puncture and had to change the tyre. Ah.

Oh, look, Timmy, bath them all.

Were they all right?

Oh, I had a little bit of trouble with the redhead, but once I showed him over

his bath, he was as good as gold.

Right? Head, head.

The answer to...