Original subtitles

["BRAND NEW LIFE" PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

["WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS]

Tony, isn't my bride beautiful?

Oh, she's more than beautiful.

She's Mona.

Friends and relatives,

we're gathered together to join this man and this woman

in holy matrimony.

Usually, I ask this question later in the ceremony,

but, all things considered,

I'd like to clear it up now.

Is there anyone present who objects to this union?

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

MAN 1: I object.

MAN 2: Me too.

Mona, I thought we had a date Friday night.

Wait a minute, she's going out with me.

[ALL ARGUING]

Mother! Mother, this is embarrassing.

No, it's not, dear.

Boys, settle down.

Hey!

Settle down!

Guys, thanks for the memories.

It was great while it lasted,

and some of you lasted longer than others.

But from now on,

I am a one-man woman.

Now all things have come to pass.

Just think, they're lighting candles in singles bars all over New England.

Oh, you big lug,

I'm yours forever.

So, that's my dream.

It's so clear in my mind.

I can almost hear the tin cans rattling behind my rolls.

Oh, Max, you paint such a romantic picture.

Yeah, Mona getting married.

Makes me want to throw wild rice.

[LAUGHS]

So, am I to assume that I have your permission to marry Mona?

Oh, Max,

take my mother, please. [LAUGHS]

Oh, you have made me so happy.

Welcome to the family. Oh.

Hey, Mona kissed a lot of frogs to get to this prince.

Ah! ANGELA: Oh!

All right. All right, guys, now listen.

I want your advice on how to pop the question.

I want to make this a very special moment for Mona.

Oh, I know exactly what to do. Oh, yeah. Come on, sit down.

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

Take her to a little French restaurant for candle-light dinner.

And when she's not looking,

you slip the ring into her champagne glass.

But make sure she doesn't chug-a-lug. [LAUGHS]

But... you know, Angela,

I'm a little surprised.

I thought you might go for something, you know, a bit more romantic.

Like, picture this--

You're at Yankee Stadium.

Yankee Stadium?

On hat day.

In one hand, you got a hot dog, mustard and relish.

In the other hand, you got a cold beer. Okay?

In your lap is a box of Cracker Jacks.

Now, during the seventh-innings stretch,

you go for the Cracker Jacks, you open the box,

and you pull out the prize.

And let me tell you, it ain't no plastic whistle.

It's a diamond ring.

Oh!

Suddenly,

the organ player plays...

♪ Da-da-da-da da-dah ♪

And you hear over the loudspeaker,

"Angela Bower, will you marry me?"

[IMITATING ECHO] Me-me-me...

You say yes, the crowd roars, and we live happily ever--

Well, I mean, you and the lucky guy

live happily ever after.

That is beautiful, Tony. Oh, it's--

That is so sweet.

[BOTH IMITATING ECHO] Sweet-sweet-sweet sweet-sweet-sweet.

What is sweet? ALL: Oh.

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Good things come to those who wait.

TONY: Yeah. Wait-- wait?

Wait for what, huh? Oh, it's a surprise.

Oh, come on. Come on, now...

Give me just a little hint.

All right, I'll give you just one little hint.

Will you marry me?

What?

Guess he couldn't wait till baseball season. [CHUCKLES]

Well, will you?

Oh, you big lug,

I'm yours forever.

Just as I pictured it.

But my answer is no.

No? No?

No.

There's that echo again.

You know, I'm getting tired

of carrying all this romantic junk

up to grandma's apartment.

I wish she'd say yes to Max.

Yeah, at least say no to nougats.

I'm going to blow up like a balloon.

You want me to take some away?

No!

Sam, is this how you get a girl to like you,

by spending a lot of money?

You got it.

No, there are other ways to. I mean, you could be cute,

or charming, or funny.

Spend money.

Are Max and Mother joining us for dinner?

Yeah, I think so,

unless he's wining and dining her again.

Let me tell you, this guy don't give up.

He is so romantic.

You know, I don't understand why Mother's not responding.

Well, she's responding, she just hasn't said yes.

Well, she said yes, but not to marriage. Yeah, well...

You know Mona. Come on.

She needs her space. She wants her freedom.

She's like a wild gazelle,

roaming the plains of the Tri-State area.

She cannot be tamed.

Well, maybe he could hit her with a stun gun.

Tony, I just don't want to see my mother alone

for the rest of her life.

Oh, come on, Angela, she's not going to be alone.

Hey, let me tell you something, two people can love each other

and be together without being married.

Um, I'm going to take out the garbage.

Whoa. Get a load of this.

I told Mother to pull down the shades.

Not that. Come here.

Look.

Oh!

MONA: Wow.

I never had my name in the sky before. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, Max,

the candy and the flowers

and now this.

You are spoiling me rotten,

and I'm a pushover for rotten. [CHUCKLES]

Then the answer is yes?

Well...

everything's going so well for us.

Why change it?

Mona, I want to be with you all the time.

Well... We'll take a cruise around the world, for a year.

Mona, I want to take you away from all of this.

Well, I don't want to get away from all of this.

I want to keep my job.

I want to watch my grandson grow up.

And I want to insult my daughter.

Why, fine,

then we'll get married and stay here.

Max, what's the rush, huh?

Can't we just enjoy the moment?

Good moment. Mm. [CHUCKLES]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Uh, that must be my darling grandson

delivering some more of your romantic goodies.

Beat it, Jonathan!

WOMAN: Suzanne Roberts.

Hmm, I don't know any Suzanne Roberts.

I do. That's my ex-wife.

Beat it, Suzanne!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

SUZANNE: Is Max there?

I'd better get it.

She's a very persistent lady.

Hello, Max.

Suzanne, what are you doing here?

Aren't you going to invite me in? No.

He never means what he says.

You must be Mona.

And you must be 25.

Next April.

[SIGHS] Suzanne, what was important enough

to bring you all the way up here to Connecticut?

You.

Remember what you said when we split up?

That it was the biggest mistake of our lives.

You were absolutely right.

Don't do that.

Now, if you'd like to talk, we'll talk. but this isn't the time or the place.

Okay, how about my apartment tonight?

Uh, how about right here,

right now?

You don't mind?

No, of course not.

I'll be downstairs at Angela's.

How very gracious of you, Mona.

Max and I have a lot to catch up on.

Well, take your time.

Oh, and if you need a break,

there's a scratching post in the kitchen.

[HUMMING] [TIMER DINGS]

Ho! All right, all right.

Oh, baby.

Oh.

Oh, come to papa.

Oh, a center cut roast,

new potatoes, baby carrots,

and gravy to die for.

Perfection in a pan.

It's too bad I'm stuffed.

I never should have had that last chocolate.

Yeah. Or the 40 before it.

Life is wonderful.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that, Mona.

I hope you're hungry.

No, I couldn't eat a thing.

Oh, wha-- Why don't I just pack up my meat thermometer

and go where people eat.

[CHUCKLES] Well, maybe I'll have a little later on.

It's just that--

Well, right now I'm just too excited.

Well, what do you mean?

Well...

I've decided to marry Max.

ANGELA: Oh! Aah!

Oh, Mona, that's terrific!

Well, that's wonderful! What made you change your mind?

Who cares what made her change her mind.

Oh! We're getting married!

[ALL LAUGH]

Ladies and young ladies, presenting in this living room only,

the future Mrs. Mona Robinson-Muldoon!

So, what do you think?

Uh, well, Mother... Don't you think that's a little risqué for the wedding night?

This is for the wedding. [ALL LAUGH]

Hey, hey, hey!

Let me tell you, we had the greatest time out there.

It's bride's heaven out there, huh.

We picked out stemware, flatware,

china patterns, sheets, and towels.

I could not get him out of housewares.

Yeah, all she wanted to see was ceiling mirrors.

Come on, Samantha.

You can help me unwrap all the packages.

Ooh, great. I can't wait to see what you got.

Yeah. Mona, don't let her near that red box.

Gee, you know,

weddings are a lot of work.

Makes you wonder if they're even worth it.

What? I thought this is what you wanted.

I thought it was too.

Well, so what's wrong?

Mona's happy. Max is happy. I'm happy.

You're a wet blanket.

Tony, something just doesn't add up.

One minute, she wants to be free as a gazelle.

And the next minute, she's making a lifetime commitment.

Well, that's Mona.

You know, flighty, free-spirited...

wacko. Heh.

But, hey, she can take care of herself.

Yeah, well, maybe you're right.

Aren't I always, huh? Huh.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Gosh, you know, isn't life funny?

You know, I mean, one minute you're saying, "no, no, no."

And the next minute, you're saying, "I do, I do, I do."

Well... [CHUCKLES]

Mother, what was that magic moment

that made you change your mind?

Well, actually, there were several, dear.

We'll talk about it when you're older.

Uh...

Mother, I just can't help but thinking that-- [TONY HUMMING]

Ah, Tony, just the man I wanted to talk to. Oh, yeah?

Do you think that we should invite the Simmons to the wedding?

Oh, the Simmons, I don't know. You know, at the last party he went to he got drunk,

he put a lampshade on his head, and he started taking his clothes off.

You're right. They're in. [TONY CHUCKLES]

Um...

Hey. TONY: Hey, look who's back! All right!

Hi, how were the Ice Capades?

Oh, it was terrific. You should have seen the costumes.

Oh, and the routines.

And the legs on those babes.

Tongue to the floor.

Where does he get these things?

Pee-wee's Playhouse.

I almost forgot. Got some munchies here for you.

Oh, boy! Hey, Mona,

do not ruin your appetite.

I reheated this roast twice already.

One more time, I'll be wearing it on my feet.

Tony, Cracker Jacks.

With a prize.

Oh! Crac--

Open it up, Mona.

You know, it's a good appetizer for roast.

It's...

You know, the last time I opened one of these things,

I got one of those things you click

that makes cricket noises... TONY: Yeah.

[GASPS]

Whoa, that's some cricket clicker.

We helped pick it out.

We? You wanted to get the smaller one.

I was the one who held out for the major rock.

That's my girl. Heh, heh.

Oh, Max, we're going to be so happy together,

just the three of us.

A small token of my love

and not that you'd care but it's twice as big as Suzanne's.

Suzanne? Who's Suzanne?

Oh, Max's ex-wife.

Uh, she dropped by a couple of days ago.

Let me tell you, Mona showed a great deal of class.

Oh, what was your ex-wife doing here?

She wanted to get back together again, but...

hey, hey, this guy is spoken for.

TONY: Now you're talking, Max, my man.

Is this a cute couple, or what? [ALL LAUGH]

Come on, Max, let's go up to my place.

Um, Mother, could I have a word or two with you in the kitchen, please?

No.

Uh, Mother, we really need to talk.

Well, you sure know how to spoil a girl's fun.

Don't go far, cave man.

I won't. [BOTH LAUGH]

Hey, well, Tony... Don't you think it's time that we planned my bachelor party?

Ooh, yeah. How about Tai Babilonia jumping out of a cake?

All right, all right.

So I didn't mention his ex-wife.

You know, I've got a few other things on my mind.

I just want to ask you one thing.

Was the night she came over

the night you decided to marry Max?

Who remembers?

Angela, if you will excuse me,

Max is waiting for me, and I have some gratitude to show.

Just tell me if it was the same night.

Angela, what is it with you?

Mother, just look at the facts, one minute you want to be free,

and the next minute his ex-wife shows up,

and you've got a diamond that's size of a coconut.

Oh, so that's what it's about, huh?

Coconut envy.

Give me a little credit.

I just-- I just think you feel threatened.

By Suzanne? Ha!

Mona Robinson does not know the meaning

of the word "threatened." [CHUCKLES]

It means insecure...

vulnerable...

feeling inadequate to a former wife...

who happens to be a younger woman.

Heh. Time to check my roast.

Angela, you don't know what you're talking about.

Mother, I just don't want to see you marry Max for the wrong reasons.

Well, if you feel that way about it, maybe you shouldn't come to my wedding.

What? Oh, feel what way?

Mother, I think you're overreacting.

We can find some other place to have the wedding,

some place with more room and nicer furniture.

Oh, Mona, why don't we just rent other chairs.

We'll have it at Max's apartment.

Or on the yacht. That would be very nice.

Well, time out. Wait-- What happened?

Don't worry, Tony.

You're still invited to the wedding.

What'd you do?

That woman will not listen to reason.

Do you know why she is marrying Max? Because she's afraid of losing him to Suzanne.

Oh, Angela, I don't think you're right there.

I know I'm right!

Maybe you are, but maybe you're wrong.

Hey, one thing's for sure. She's your mother. She's getting married.

And you should be there.

You heard her, Tony. She doesn't even want me there.

What is this world coming to?

It's enough to break a housekeeper's heart.

All right, Jonathan, are you ready to take over?

Sure, grandma, what do I do?

Well, right here where it says "the wedding will take place

at 3344 Oak Hills Drive."

Cross that out.

Put Pier 61.

Getting married on a boat is a neat idea.

If anybody brings a cheapo gift,

you can make them walk the plank. Heh, heh.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Yes?

How's it going?

Fine.

I couldn't be happier.

Jonathan, would you like to run out and mail those invitations?

Sure, grandma.

As soon as you marry Max, will he put me in his will?

Goodbye, Jonathan.

I came to deliver this.

Oh, our first wedding gift, huh?

Yes, it's from me.

Why?

Open it.

It's great-grandmother's sterling comb.

Yes, you gave it to me when I married Michael.

And now, I want you to have it.

Do you remember what you said when you gave it to me?

Break it and you're dead.

I-- I mean after that.

Uh...just some mushy stuff.

I remember exactly.

You said Michael wasn't your first choice for me

as a husband...

but that I'd always be your first choice as a daughter.

I said that?

Yes.

And you said that as long as I was happy,

that's all you cared about,

and now I'm saying that to you.

Thank you, dear.

And now can I please come to your wedding?

Oh, baby.

You should see Suzanne.

She's really beautiful.

Max has great taste in women.

This insecurity thing is new to me.

You've come to the master.

You could lean on me.

I will...

in just a second.

Mother, where are you going?

I'm going to stop Jonathan from mailing those invitations.

[SIGHS]

This lady is not getting married

until she's good and ready.

[DOOR OPENS]

Uh... I just hope Max understands.

Oh, of course he will.

No, I mean about keeping this coconut.

[BLOWS AIR]

Smooth.

[SIGHS]

Oh, Tony, you really know how to throw a bachelor party. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, this is wild.

You know, I gotta say, Max. You're a real good sport going through with this

even though Mona called off the wedding, you know.

Hey, don't count me out yet, you know.

I didn't become a successful businessman

by taking no for an answer.

She'll come around. Uh, I don't know, you know...

You never can tell with these Robinson women. [LAUGHS]

Hey, speaking of women...

wait till you see the video I got.

Huh! Oh, this is going to knock your socks off.

Get ready, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]

Welcome to the Ice Capades, a celebration on skates.

All right, this is hot!

[BLOWS AIR]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]