Original subtitles

♪ There's a time for love And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

[HUMMING]

All right. All right.

Dr. Bower, we're ready for the heart.

Ooh, boy.

Oh, Jonathan, this isn't a heart.

This is a spleen,

but he'll never know the difference.

If you stretched your intestines from end to end,

they reach 25 feet.

When I'm lost in the woods,

I'll leave a trail.

That's disgusting.

You're my kind of guy.

Let me have that.

I can't believe Bonnie.

She is so irresponsible.

We're supposed to be at the Molly Ringwald film festival,

and she flaked on me.

And for what?

Uh, uh, a date?

No. Some dumb college prep course.

Ooh, college prep.

Some people have no priorities.

Bonnie's taking a college prep course?

Why aren't you taking a college prep course?

College is three years away.

Pretty in Pink starts in 20 minutes.

You're a sophomore now.

You're going to be taking your college boards soon.

You should be thinking about this stuff.

I don't even think I want to go to college.

What? You don't want to go to college?

What, are you kidding?

That's insane. It's crazy.

This is the blackest day in my--

Could we talk about this?

There's more than one way to get an education.

Maybe Jesse and I will bum around Europe a couple years.

Oh, bumming. That's good.

When you're finished with that,

you can come back

and start your career as a bag lady.

Who's to say a bag lady

hasn't learned from her experiences

and graduated from the school of life?

I'm to say.

Oh. Oh.

Well, don't you think there are other options?

Yeah, college or death.

Hey, look, the day you were born,

that's the day I bought the frame

for your college diploma.

You'll be the first Micelli to go to college.

I'll be the first Micelli to work to pay for it.

MONA: Right this way, please.

As you can see,

this is a typical Ridgemont College classroom.

Ample sunlight,

good use of space,

and an unobstructed view of the men's gym.

Where are you going? Get over there.

The idea of this trip

is to get Samantha interested in higher education.

All right. All right.

Sam, right in this very classroom,

I studied Plato, Aristotle, Spinoza,

all the great thinkers.

Grandma, how come your phone number's carved on this desk?

I also did some tutoring.

Sam, the idea is that this isn't just a room.

This is a place

where you can be whatever you want to be.

I want to be at the Cineplex.

Sam, look at what you can study:

anthropology, archaeology, biogenetic engineering.

Ooh, biogenetic engineering, eh?

That has a nice ring to it.

Picture this.

You're walking down the hospital corridor.

You're wearing your white coat.

Everybody's saying good morning.

"Good morning, Dr. Micelli.

"Isn't that Samantha Micelli,

our new biogenetic engineer?"

Aw, Dad.

Or you could be a movie critic, huh?

I'm just saying that college is a great place to be.

How would you know? You never went.

Don't take my word.

Take it from people who know:

magna cum laude and magna cum rowdy.

Girls, she's all yours. Work her over good.

You won't have to work me over.

I'm going to college.

Maybe biogenetics isn't such a bad idea.

It could help avoid future mutants.

Jonathan, why don't we go

and take a look at the old globe?

I already know all the countries

and their capitals--

Sam, my four years in college

were the most glorious years of my life,

and believe me, I've had a pretty glorious life.

Sam, come here.

You know, when I first went to college,

I was a shy little wallflower.

But when I graduated,

I was a woman

who knew something about the past

and was excited about the future.

I was exposed to ideas

I never even knew existed.

And when I walked up there

and got my diploma,

I had such a feeling of pride.

It was more than just a piece of paper.

It was thousands of years

of history and knowledge

and teachers and students all saying,

"Angela Bower,

you're one of us."

That was beautiful, dear.

So, sweetheart, what do you think about college?

TONY: I'm going!

What did you say?

I'm going to college.

Tony Micelli is going to be one of them.

Hi. Hi.

Um, let's see...

Dad. Yeah?

You know, I've been thinking,

Ridgemont looks like a really nice college.

But if you get in and then I decide to go there,

then you'll be a junior when I'm a freshman,

and we might end up in the same class.

Oh, boy, won't that be great?

No.

Wait, what do you mean, Sam?

Come on, hey, we could have lunch together.

We could hang out in the student union.

We could be study buddies.

Or we could pretend we don't know each other.

Good thinking, Dad. That might work.

Sam if I don't finish my essay for my application,

you're not going to have to worry

whether or not I'm going to college.

Okay, I'll go quietly. Okay.

[SLURPS]

In the living room. Thank you, sweetheart.

Okay. Okay. All right.

This is good.

I hope.

How are you doing?

Oh, working away. Working away.

I've been working on my math

and on my essay

and on my vocabulary skills too.

Angela, I'm intensely cognizant

of your pulchritude this eventide.

Well, thank you, Tony.

You look foxy too.

Wow! You know what I said.

College education.

You know, if I get in,

we could have more of these conversations,

although who'd want to?

[LAUGHS]

You've been working night and day for two weeks.

I'm really proud of you.

With us Micellis

it's nothing half-hog.

It's the whole pig or nothing.

Hey, check out what I've gleaned from these tomes.

That means learned from these books.

Oh, very good. Very good.

Come on. Ask me some questions.

Okay. I'll test you on your verbal skills.

All right, "Glove is to hand as sock is to..."

Foot.

Correct.

Give me something a little harder.

Give me something to flex my brain cells on.

Okay.

Oh, here's one.

Desk is to book as bench is to...

Judge.

No. No, of course not.

Not judge.

Uh, uh...park.

"Desk is to book as bench is to..."

All right. I know what the question is.

All right, don't get rattled. Just concentrate.

As bench is to...

basketball.

No. Not basketball.

Um...uh....

I could use some help here.

Tool. Oh, tool.

Why did you tell me?

All right.

Let's just switch gears.

We'll go on to math.

I know you knew. Sit down.

Tool. I should have known that.

All right.

"You have a jar of red and green jelly beans.

"The ratio of red jelly beans to green jelly beans

is 5 to 3."

5 to 3. Okay.

"If the jar contains a total of 160 jelly beans,

how many of them are red?"

Red. Okay.

Okay, 5 to 3...

160.

Carry the bean.

Uh...

60. 100.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. No way.

She's right, Tony.

She's right? Yeah?

Then answer this one.

A girl's a half-hour late going to bed.

Her allowance is $15.

What does she lose

before saying good night?

Good night.

Good luck tomorrow, Dad.

Thanks. I'm going to need it.

What are you talking about?

You don't need luck. Everything's fine.

Maybe I'm not cut out to be a college man.

Because you flubbed two questions?

You're overreacting.

But, Angela, it's just...

something about me and tests.

You know what I mean?

I never do good on them.

You don't do well.

See? No, you'll do well.

You'll do good.

Stop fretting.

All right.

Okay. Come on.

[LAUGHS] I get it.

Oh, gosh.

Do you know the answer to that one?

Haven't got a clue.

I know.

Figures.

Miss Goody Two-shoes.

Nice hair.

I hope she doesn't ask me.

Yeah. Me either.

That's one tough battle-ax.

All right.

Anthony.

Uh...who, me?

Daydreaming again, Anthony?

No, Sister. What was the question?

How many jelly beans are red?

Uh...what jelly beans?

Where's the jar? How should I know?

You know. Help me.

Help me! Help me!

It wouldn't be fair.

I'm waiting, Anthony.

Well, uh...

Does anyone else know the answer?

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Samantha.

I know, Sister. That's easy.

It's 54.

That is correct, Samantha.

And just for that,

you can go to the Molly Ringwald festival.

Oh, thank you, Sister!

I believe it's my duty to say that...

Anthony tried to get the answer from me.

Ooh. Ooh.

No. No.

I didn't do it.

Well, Anthony...

I'm going to have to call the Mother Superior.

That's it for you.

[BELL RINGS]

BOY: Uh-oh. You're dead.

Is there a problem, Sister?

Is it Anthony again?

Yes, Mother.

I'm afraid he doesn't test well.

Wait a minute, Sister.

Sister...

I wrote my essay good.

It's "well," Anthony.

Anthony, this page is blank.

No, it can't be.

Sister, I know I wrote it.

I wrote it good.

Anthony, I am afraid you're in over your head.

He'll never be a student.

You're wrong.

In over your head.

Never be a student.

You're wrong.

Never be a student.

You're wrong. You're wrong.

You're wrong.

You're wrong.

You're right.

[HUMMING]

Hi. Hi.

You should be taking your test.

Well, uh...I decided not to take it.

What are you talking about?

What made you change your mind?

You and that superior mother of yours.

I don't understand.

Angela, I'm just not going to college.

Things would fall apart here.

First dust balls, then dirty dishes,

then a bad case of grout mold.

Tony, we've already discussed this.

Your housework's finished in three hours.

Spend the rest in your classes.

Angela, let's forget it.

I made my decision.

If you won't listen to me, listen to yourself.

Not my essay. It's terrible.

"College.

"It means different things to different people.

"To some, it's a way to meet girls

and blow 50 grand of your parents' savings."

I know what I wrote.

"When I was a kid, I'd look up at the stars

"and think, 'there's a lot more out there

"'than I can see,

and there's more to each of us than we know.'"

Angela, you're embarrassing me.

"My friend, Frankie Pesce,

"had an encyclopedia set

"that his mother bought at the market.

"I got up to volume C, and then he moved away.

"I know everything about aardvarks,

"Bastille Day, and Samuel Clemens.

"But there's still lots of questions I need answers to.

"To me, college is a place to dream out loud.

A place to catch up on volumes D through Z."

Dad, you wrote this?

All these years you could've been doing my book reports.

Tony, it's a beautiful essay.

It's sincere, eloquent, and honest.

Well... you do think so?

Yes.

The first joke could be sharper,

but it builds nicely.

Shouldn't you be at your test?

Ah...

your father's decided not to go to college.

You're not serious.

There's nothing you wanted more.

Maybe I don't want it.

You just made up this stuff you wrote?

Well, no.

If I didn't know you better,

I'd say that you were--

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

Go ahead and say it.

Chicken.

How could you say that?

Dad, it's okay.

Just do what you tell me to do when I have a test.

Take a deep breath, count to 10, and jump in.

I said that? Gee.

Sounds kind of feeble.

That's what I thought.

But it worked.

Yeah?

Maybe I'm smarter than I thought.

Well, I think so.

But just in case,

here's my lucky number 2 led pencil.

Oh, gee. Thanks, Angela.

But, gee, it's...

it's all chewed up. Yuck.

You're not the only one who gets scared before a test.

Hey, I'm not scared.

I'm, uh...

I'm chicken.

Hey, but I'm going.

I'm out of here.

Hey, brain don't fail me now.

Hey, hey.

I'm going.

I'm going.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Mail call.

Gangway!

Did it come?

I haven't gone through the mail yet.

Let me do it. Let me do it.

Oh, it didn't come.

Look what I found in my other hand.

Give me that!

Oh. Oh. I can't open it.

I can!

Get your mitts off.

Hey, my whole life is in here.

If I scored 450 or better,

I go to college.

If I didn't,

they retire my mop

and put me in the housekeeper's hall of fame.

Come on, 450.

Come on, 450.

And it's a...2.

200?

No. 2.

Gee.

That was some lucky pencil you gave me.

Well, well, well.

Well.

Well?

You couldn't have scored a 2.

Nobody is that stupid.

We know that, Mr. Mackey.

What is the problem?

See where it says, "Don't mark this space"?

He marked that space.

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

Oh. So I started marking my answers

on the wrong line. That's right.

[LAUGHS]

You threw that computer into an awful tizzy.

Well, then, hey, I didn't get a 2, huh?

I don't know what you got.

The computer can't score it.

Could you score it by hand?

I don't see why not.

You mean right now?

If it's not too much trouble.

All right.

You know, this reminds me

of days before we had the computer.

We did everything by hand.

Worked much better. And faster.

Yeah, well... Mr. Mackey, please.

All right.

Oh, this will amuse you.

You know, several years ago Harry Truman paid a visit--

[WHIMPERS]

All right.

You're in a hurry.

Yeah.

[MURMURING]

[THEME FROM JEOPARDY! PLAYING]

All right.

Now we'll add it up.

[HUMS]

100.

[HUMS]

200.

200.

[HUMS]

300. Ho! 300.

[HUMS]

400.

400. Come on, 450.

Come on, 450!

410.

Hoo! 10, 10!

420.

20! 20!

400...

430.

430, 430.

440.

Would you come on!

Well, he's driving me crazy!

You made me lose my place.

I'll have to start all over again.

What?

Just kidding.

[LAUGHS]

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Young people don't have a sense of humor nowadays.

Let's see. Your score is...

445.

Oh, hold your horses.

I forgot to carry the one.

What does that mean, means I got 446?

Your final score is 545.

545?

545!

I'm in! I'm in!

I love you!

Oh, Tony, Tony, you did it.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Mackey.

Angela, we did it.

Hey, Angela, you feel like having a brew at the Rathskeller

with a college man?

Rah-rah, sis-boom-bah.

Mr. Mack.

[BOTH LAUGHING] Oh, boy!

Ooh, I love college life.

The student union, the library,

the beer nuts at the Rathskeller.

Even the nuts taste smart.

You ought to be a genius.

You ate a pound of them.

Very good, Angela. Excellent hyperbole.

[LAUGHS]

College, college.

Looks like you two

have been celebrating the big 545.

TONY: That's right, Mona.

Now that I'm matriculating,

I'm doing the Joe College things.

In that case, quit the partying and hit the books.

Oh, get her. What a kidder, huh?

I am not kidding, Anthony.

Anthony, I am not kidding.

She's back!

[♪♪]