Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for living ♪

♪ Take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you My friend ♪

♪ The nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life Around the bend ♪

We're here, in Tony's test kitchen,

where impartial judges will be telling the Bower Agency

what flavors they like best with rice cakes.

How come we have to wear a blindfold?

Because if you saw what this stuff looked like,

you'd never eat it.

That's it for me. Come on, you guys,

this is important.

I'm trying to land the Ping rice cake account.

Yeah, now, come on, Angela's been working hard

coming up with these flavors,

so get with the program, join the rice cake generation!

What about you, Dad?

I'm too old.

Okay, kids, I want you to taste this,

I want you to give me your honest opinion.

Go ahead.

TONY: Oh, stop. Stop it. Well...

Is that honest enough for you?

Oh, it tasted like dead fish.

Okay, okay, you don't like the sushi flavor,

there are others.

Okay, Mona, it's your turn.

It's your turn. Now, open wide!

No! Don't I at least get a blindfold?

What, you want a last request too, Mona?

Yes. You eat it.

Hey, you kiddin' me? This ain't bad.

This pizza flavor?

Uh-huh. Should get beer flavor to wash it down with.

Not bad.

Well, I hate to spit and run,

but I have an important English test.

Jonathan, have you ever read Tom Sawyer?

Oh, yeah, it's a great book. Oh, good,

then you can tell me all about it on the way to school.

Angela, let's get to the office,

I'm having breakfast at that place across the street.

Mother, there's nothing across the street but a big hole

and a bunch of construction workers.

Have a nice day.

[♪♪♪]

Excuse me, Miss...

Hey, uh, Angela. Where do you want this stuff?

My goodness, more office supplies?

Mother, when you start a business,

you need certain things. These are essentials.

Oh, my new espresso machine!

That's essential?

Yes, it's a very classy thing to have.

It enhances your image.

Besides, you want your clients alert.

What about this case of champagne?

You don't want them too alert. [TONY LAUGHS]

Hey, what about, my favorite,

this gumball machine?

That says that our agency is special and unique.

All the agencies have one.

Angela,

I may have missed one or two episodes

of Wall Street Week,

but shouldn't the money be coming in,

instead of going out?

Mother...

you have to spend money in order to make money.

Just like tomorrow in San Francisco with Mr. Ping.

I'm taking him to the finest restaurant in Chinatown.

That should be a lesson to all of us here in the office.

Oh, we should all go to San Francisco for lunch?

No, Tony,

we have to start thinking first class here.

I want fresh cut flowers in the office,

limousines and theater tickets for our clients.

That's the way you create an aura of success.

Oh. That way they don't know we're desperate, right?

Exactly.

See? I watch Wall Street Week.

[♪♪♪]

[WHIRRING]

Tony!

The boss is 3000 miles away,

take a break.

Would you like another cup of espresso?

No thanks, Mona, I already had 5 cups.

Doesn't it make you feel successful?

No, it makes me feel like buffing the roof.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello? Yes? The Bower Agency, would you hold, please?

Mona, I don't want to tell you your job,

but when people call, aren't we supposed to talk to them?

Shows you what you know.

Then they'll think we're not busy.

But we're not busy.

But we don't want them to know that.

See, that's how you create the aura of success.

Oh...

I get it.

Ah, would you put that over there,

right next to the Toyota account?

So sorry to keep you waiting,

Yes...

Oh, Angela.

Angela, calm down, no, no,

no, we don't have the Toyota account, no.

I was just trying to create an aura,

you know.

Yeah, yeah, the kids are fine, everything's fine.

Yeah, he's here, hold on a minute. Get on the phone.

Me? Oh, conference call. Yeah.

Hi, Angela, how's San Francisco?

Huh? Are you all ready for your big lunch with Ping?

You kidding? You're gonna do great.

Hey, remember, the little chopsticks? They're for salad.

[LAUGHS]

All right, honey, knock him dead.

And as soon as you get back, we're going to celebrate!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

What the heck? Let's celebrate now.

I'll get the champagne. I'll get the glasses.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Champagne. Hey, was it great,

or was it great to hear Angela so fired up again, huh?

Oh, yeah, that's my little over-achiever.

[CORK POPS] [BOTH CHEER]

Here is to the Bower Agency,

because we are going to go all the way to the top.

Yeah, we're gonna ride those little rice cakes

right to the stars.

Hi there. Hey, hey, hey.

Welcome to the Bower Agency. Come on in, come on.

Have a seat here, have a seat. Thank you.

Have a glass of champagne. Ooh.

Hey, hey, hey.

And how about a gumball, huh?

I feel a red coming on!

So, uh, what can we do for you?

Well, it's not really what you can do for me,

it's what I can do for you.

I'm a salesman. Give me that.

Ah. Uh...

I get the message.

Well, look, I'll just, um, I'll just leave you my card.

I rent limousines, um,

and I'm sure that you'll find that our rates are competitive.

All right. Well,

have a nice day. Yeah.

Let me see this. By the way,

you do use limos, don't you?

Oh, sure, all the time.

Not yet, but soon, yeah.

Oh, that's good,

because then you'd probably qualify for our volume discount.

Well, just give me a call.

You know...

nah, nah. What? What? What?

Well, it's just that I might be in the position

to, uh, save you an awful lot of money.

This guy. Look, pal, we're not buying a limo.

Oh, well, that's good,

because that would be very unwise of you.

We're talking about leasing.

Mona, this guy's smooth.

I wish.

Actually, I don't even have a sales pitch,

I just give you the figures.

You see, you rent a limousine,

for four hours, it cost you $200.

You do that twice a week, that's 400.

That's $1600 monthly,

and that's just for two clients a week.

However, if you lease a limo,

then it's yours, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

And all of this, for just $1000 a month.

That's 250 a week,

30 a day, $1.50 an hour.

And that four-hour ride that cost you $200,

now just cost you $6.

And that's less than a taxi cab. Are you with me?

[IN UNISON] Uh-huh.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

We're not gonna be in the limo every hour of every day, though.

Ah, that's the beauty part.

You see, when you're not driving some clients around,

then you can rent it out.

And we already know what that can add up to, right?

Oh, yes, that's simple arithmetic.

Now, now, now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

We're not in the limo business,

we're in the advertising business.

Exactly. And what better advertising

than a shiny limo, parked out there by the curb?

With a personalized license plate that says "Bower."

Now that is class.

It gives the whole operation something I like to call,

an aura of success.

Let me see that.

Angela?

What are you doing here? It's 6:00 in the morning.

What flight did you take?

Whoa, man, are your eyes red.

Whoo!

Guess that means you took the redeye, huh?

How-- How did things go with Ping?

Not good, huh? Well, of course they didn't go good.

If they would, she wouldn't look like that.

Not that you look bad.

Can I iron your coat?

How was the airplane food?

More bad things, huh?

Uh... Angela, would you say something?

I'm getting lonely.

Jim Peterson. Bingo, that's a start now,

that's a start. That's the crumb bun

who took your job at Wallace & McQuade.

And the man who just stole my client, Mr. Ping.

What? How?

Jim Peterson had his secretary call Mr. Ping's office

pretending to be my secretary.

He moved our lunch to another restaurant.

Mr. Ping showed up at the other restaurant,

but I wasn't there, but guess who was?

Tony Bennett.

You said to guess. [SIGHS]

Jim Peterson

slithered in with a rice cake presentation in his briefcase.

Why that no...

What are you gonna do?

I'd like to rip out his heart and leave it in San Francisco.

That seems fair.

Mr. Ping thinks I stood him up, he wouldn't even talk to me.

So I flew home.

Economy.

That's the new word around here, Tony.

Um... When you say "new word,"

do you mean "flew" or "home"?

It's not "economy," is it?

Yep, no more frills.

Ah, frills. Frills.

Well, when you say frills, what do you mean?

Well, I mean the espresso machine goes back.

Well, that's good, 'cause I saved the box for it.

And the gumball machine. Oh, that's okay,

I saved the box for that too. And Tony,

I may be a little jet lagged, but I see a limo

parked in the driveway.

Yeah, but I ain't got the box for that.

You bought a limo?

No, no, no, no, no.

That would be very unwise.

We leased a limo.

Yeah, yeah, and it's only costing you a $1.50 an hour.

Oh, my God! That's a thousand dollars a month!

How did she do that?

Quick, tell her about the beauty part.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Angela, you wanna hear the beauty part?

This is it. When we're not using the limo,

we park it in front of the building to impress people.

Tony, that's a no parking zone.

Damn.

Angela, here is the other beauty part.

See, when we're not using it for our clients,

then we can rent it out for an enormous profit.

Yeah, yeah. And look,

not that you haven't got the rice cake account,

this is gonna bring in a lot of extra money.

Who's going to rent it? People.

Oh, people. What kind of people?

People that aren't smart enough to lease their own limo.

Oh, stupid people.

Who's going to drive it?

I will.

Who's going to do your work around the house?

I will.

Who's going to run the Parents Association,

and coach Samantha's team,

and pick up Jonathan from Cub Scouts?

I will, I will, I will.

Come on, Angela, I can handle this.

And anyway, look, this is gonna be good for the company. Hey.

You'll be drinking espresso

and chewing gumballs in no time.

Yeah, Bonnie, Dad said that if I wash the limo,

he'd take us for a spin.

Oh, we're gonna look so cool!

Are you still blabbing on that phone?

I thought you were gonna help me wash the limo.

Gotta go, Bonnie, having problems with the child.

Now what's wrong?

I washed the entire limo all by myself.

Oh, Jonathan, now doesn't that

give you a sense of accomplishment?

No, it gives me a sense of being treated like dirt.

Touchy, touchy.

Okay, kids, let's hit it, let's do it, let's move it!

Limo leaves in 10 minutes. Great.

First, we'll swing by Bonnie's and pick up the gang,

and then we'll stop by football practice.

Oh, and then we gotta stop by-- Samantha, ho, hey. Hey, hey.

This limo's a business,

not a one-way ticket to popularity.

Yeah, that's what you think. I have three dates this weekend.

That's what you think.

But Dad, you said that if I-- I know what I said, Samantha,

but hey, I'm busy like crazy here.

I just got another pick up, I'm running myself ragged.

You know, I could use a little cooperation from my family here.

And Jonathan, did you get the dry cleaning out of the trunk?

I looked, but there was nothing in the trunk.

What are you talking about? It's gotta be there.

I put it in there just before that drop off at JFK...

Oh, no.

Angela's dry cleaning is checked through to Brussels.

Bye.

N-No, look, I am sorry,

we are not an escort service.

We rent cars, not women.

How much?

[PHONE RINGS]

Could you hold?

Yes, the B-Bower Agency--

I mean, Mona's Limo.

No, no, yeah, I do.

Yeah, I mean, Mona's Limo,

a subsidiary of the Bower Agency.

Yeah, yeah, could you hold?

Angela, line one!

Or was it line two?

Mother. Hello?

Mother, there is a man on the phone who wants to know

what my hourly rates are.

He means the limo, dear.

No, he doesn't.

Hey, hey, hey, ho, here we go.

All right, two runs down and raring to go. What's next?

That's it for the day.

Thank God.

You know, this isn't working.

my office is in chaos.

My housekeeper's too busy to keep my house,

and I have no idea where my dry cleaning is.

Somewhere over Normandy.

And to top it all off,

Mr. Ping is now sipping champagne in a suite

at the Plaza, ready to sign with Wallace & McQuade.

I have never been so depressed in my life.

You know where to reach me.

Bloomingdales?

Fourth floor.

Ho, ho, wait a minute, wait a minute.

What ever happened to economy? Tony,

it doesn't cost anything to try things on.

And besides, the feel of cashmere next to my skin

always cheers me up.

Here we go, here.

Mona? Mona, what are you up to?

Mr. Ping's limo is going to arrive to pick him up

just a little sooner than he expected.

Oh, dirty pool.

Just call me Fast Mona.

[♪♪♪]

So Mr. Ping,

what takes you to Wallace & McQuade?

A little advertising business?

No, big advertisement business.

TV, radio, magazines, buses.

You see my face everywhere.

Who could resist?

Thank you.

[SPEAKS IN CHINESE]

You know, Ping, I pick up a lot of dirt

up here in the driver's seat,

and I can tell you that since they lost their president,

Wallace & McQuade haven't been the same.

Oh, no, no, no, I'm quite satisfied.

Wallace & McQuade has given me good treatment.

They've given me a big hotel suite,

a limousine like this,

with a driver who's...

[SPEAKS IN CHINESE]

You certainly have a way with words.

You said it, toots.

You know, I'll tell you something else

about Wallace & McQuade.

The person that really made that agency what they are

is Angela Bower.

Oh, I don't like her, she stood me up.

Big flake.

Angela Bower?

That's impossible.

She has great integrity.

And she's bright, and creative,

and her agency is just small enough

to give you that down-home, personal touch.

What are you, her mother?

[LAUGHS]

You know, Ping,

I like you.

I have that affect on women.

Uh, I-I wonder, Ping,

if I could ask you a favor.

Uh, could we make one teeny, weeny stop on our way?

For you, Mona, no stop is too teeny weeny.

[♪♪♪]

[STAMMERS] What was so important

that you had me paged at Bloomingdales?

I was in the dressing room

and a sales girl pulled me out of there

and I was trying on the most incredible silk blouse.

Oh, my God, this is it.

On top of everything else, I'm a shoplifter.

Now take it easy, take it easy.

They know you. You'll call them, you'll put it on your card.

[SIGHS]

Not sure I like it.

No, are you kidding me?

It's you. It's you, it looks fabulous.

Yeah? It does, doesn't it?

You know, that's good, Angela, because you never know

when an important business client might walk

right through that door. You know what I mean?

What do you mean? Um, let me get the tag.

Come here, I got the scissors right over here. Come here.

[MONA LAUGHING]

Oh, thank you for escorting me up here.

It is so nice to have a big, strong man around.

Three times a week, Nautilus.

Ooh!

Oh, Thomas, ha-ha-ha.

The Bower Agency?

You tricked me, Red.

Yes, Ping.

I am her mother.

Meet Angela Bower.

Mr. Ping, what are you doing here?

Your mother gave me the old Shanghai surprise.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna grab a cab

to Wallace & McQuade.

Now, now, wait a minute, Ping.

This is Wallace & McQuade.

I don't see Wallace, I don't see McQuade.

Oh, they've been dead for years.

What you do see is the woman who was responsible

for nearly all of their national campaigns.

Which campaigns?

Well, Pescher Fragrances, to name but one.

Oh, Mrs. Ping loves those.

Yeah, and what about Guacamunchies to name but two?

Guacamunchies? They're disgusting.

Yeah, that's true, Ping, but, uh,

she sold millions of them,

and she can do the same thing for your disgusting rice cakes.

You must be good.

The best.

Go ahead, Angela, pitch your little heart out.

Mr. Ping, for months I've been developing ideas

for your rice cakes.

And, if given the chance,

I think I can make your product as American as apple pie.

And as tasty.

How the hell can you do that?

Step into my office. I'll tell you.

Ho, ho, ho.

Go get 'em, tiger.

Thank you.

Oh, Mother. Call Jim Peterson,

tell him I'm sorry he missed his appointment with Mr. Ping.

We'll send over a case of rice cakes.

Oh, cruel and disgusting punishment.

I'll deliver them myself.

Yes, yes, thank you. We will.

We'll deliver it tomorrow, yes.

I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it!

You did what?

We're not in another business, are we?

No, we are out of business.

I unloaded the limo.

They are taking up our lease. That's wonderful.

Who's the lucky sub-leasee?

The Happy Horizon funeral home.

Of course, they won't have any use for the bar, or the TV,

but I'm sure they'll rest comfortably.

How did you do it?

I told them the beauty part.

That it was only gonna cost them a thousand dollars a month,

which was 250 a week,

$35 a day, and that worked out to be only...

a buck fifty a stiff.

How could they resist?

[LAUGHS]

Hey, hey! Look what I got.

Found the dry cleaning, huh?

Tony, thank you!

My Harris tweed suit.

I thought it had gone to the big baggage carousel in the sky.

You know, people are always making jokes about the airlines

losing their luggage, right?

But hey, they always come through for me.

Hey, Angela, get ready to say hello to--

Your kimono?

Angela, this is great.

You can make extra money by being a geisha.

Well, Tony?

Arigato, gozaimasu, sayonara.

[♪♪♪]