Original subtitles

[jjj]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ I found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

[♪♪♪]

[HUMMING]

What's in those?

Well, here we have Mona's lingerie.

And here we have the trash.

It's a little tough to tell the difference.

You know, I cannot believe she's moving.

Yeah, the hot tomato goes to the Big Apple.

Yeah. Yeah.

I hope she's going to be all right.

Giving up her home,

going to work with Uncle Cornelius,

leaving us. Yeah.

Oh, it's all so stressful.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Is this fun. I love moving day.

She's taking it a lot worse than I thought.

Is this the trash? TONY: Yeah, yeah.

Mother, those are my baby pictures!

There must be some mistake.

No, no, that's no mistake. That's you? Cute gums.

Mother, how could you do this?

Well, I'm sorry, dear,

but I mean, when you're moving into a hotel suite,

there's no room for bric-a-brac.

Tony, would you mind packing this for me?

Oh. Careful.

Careful. Oh, don't worry, Mona.

This ain't gonna get--

♪ All shook up, uh-huh ♪

Mona, we cleaned all the junk out of your bedroom dresser.

Except for one drawer. It was locked.

What's in there, Grandma?

[LAUGHS]

We're gonna have Geraldo Rivera open that for you

when you're 21.

Hey, I'll be there.

[LAUGHS] You little...

You know, Mona, I've been thinking.

It's such a shame that your apartment is going to be empty

when there are so many deserving people

who need a roof over their head, and a cordless telephone.

Hey, Sam, that's a terrific idea.

It is? Do you have call-waiting?

Now wait a minute, wait a minute, Samantha.

There's no way you're moving into Mona's apartment.

Not Sam. You.

Me? Tony?

Dad? What does he need his own place for?

Well, everybody needs a little privacy.

Besides, he's a healthy young adult.

He might enjoy having other healthy young adults over.

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, uh-- But I-- But I have responsibilities here.

Oh, come on, live a little.

Look, it's a 10-foot commute.

You can be here in 20 seconds, even during rush hour.

Well, what do you think about it, Angela?

Well, I suppose it would be nice for you to have your own space.

You mean, you wouldn't mind sleeping alone

in this big house?

[LAUGHS] I have slept alone before.

Must you air your clean laundry in public?

Would you stop?

Well, what about you, Sam?

I mean, wouldn't you miss having your dear old dad

right down the hall?

[LAUGHING] No way.

I mean-- I mean, sure I would, Dad.

But it would be a growth experience.

Come on, what do you say?

Well, I mean, hey, I would--

I would get a chance to think and read,

and, you know, get to know myself a little better.

Mm-hmm. My Jacuzzi has six jets.

I like bubbles.

[KEYS JIGGLE]

So, Philly, what do you think?

Nice touch, huh?

Oh, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony.

Bachelor rule number one: no flowers.

It ruins the ambiance.

What do you know about ambiance?

You live at the Y.

But I've done great things with my locker.

[SCOFFS]

Come on, give me a hand with that Astro-Lounger.

It weighs a ton.

Ho, anybody home?

Oh... [GRUNTS]

Tiny! Hey!

You need some help? Yeah, get out of my way.

Oh, excuse me.

Hey, guys, wait till you see this.

Look at this here. It swivels, it tilts.

This thing adjusts to nine different ways.

Whoa! I think I'm in love.

You know, this place is really starting to look decent.

But something is still missing.

The piece of resistance, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Genuine synthetic.

Oh, that's... Huh?

That's really nice, Philly. It's really nice.

It's gonna look nice with those jungle print dish towels

you got me.

Tony, you got one love den here.

Hey, you know what I should do?

To show it off I think I'll give like a little pad-warming party.

Yeah!

Yeah. Invite the gang from the old neighborhood.

Now, wait a minute. You guys gotta behave yourselves.

Last time we partied, I spent a week cleaning footprints

off the ceiling.

Yeah, but these are a lot higher.

You know, this party is gonna show the guys

that they were wrong about Tony. Right.

Wrong about what?

It's not pretty.

Neither are you. Tell me.

Well, it's just when you moved to Connecticut

to take up dusting,

word on the street was you'd gone soft.

Me? Soft? Okay, what bum said that?

Me.

Oh. Well then, who else?

Hey, don't worry, Tony. Don't worry, Tony.

You can still prove yourself with a place like this.

Show those guys you still have the old Micelli magic.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, remember the old days?

You'd say the word "Abracadabra."

I mean, women would pop right out of thin air.

Hey, those were the days, huh? [LAUGHS]

Gee, I-- I haven't said that word in a long time.

Abracadabra.

Yoo-hoo, anybody home?

It still works!

Oh, hi, Angela. Come on in.

I bought you a little welcome present.

Hello, Philly, Teeny.

That's Tiny.

Well, uh, thanks for the flowers there, Angela.

A violation of bachelor rule number two:

Never own anything pink.

Oh, except for Pepto-Bismol.

[LAUGHS]

Well, Angela, come on in.

Take a look around. What do you think?

Well, it, uh--

Whoo, it certainly is eye-catching.

She hates it. Yeah.

No, it's just that I always thought

you had more conservative taste.

That's because you've never seen this side of me before.

And what side is that?

The wild side.

Badda-boom!

You? Wild? You're the most responsible person I know.

No, no, no, no.

Well, for your information, Angela, for your information,

I am throwing a very wild party this Saturday night

to celebrate my being on my own.

[ALL LAUGH]

I mean, if it's okay with you.

[LAUGHS] Of course it is.

Oh, okay, because I really want you to make it.

You see, from now on, it's housekeeper by day

Micelli magic by night.

Abracadabra.

Welcome Wagon.

Amazing! Amazing!

[THE CHAMPS' "TEQUILA" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

ALL: ♪ Tequila ♪

Hey, Tony!

Hey, Cookie. Oh! What's up?

Oh, hey. Great digs, Tone.

Well, it's not much,

but you know, I like to call it home.

Hey, you notice the 'cuzzi's got six jets?

Oh, he's still a wild man. Ha!

I cannot be caged.

[LAUGHS]

Tiny, Tiny, would you have some respect?

You know, leopard stains.

So, what's one more spot?

Hardy-har-har.

Look out, everybody. The party machine has arrived!

All right, Philly!

What's happening, Philly? What's with the sheet?

Why not? I got great shoulders.

Toga! Toga! Toga!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

The neighbors, Philly.

Tony, this is a party. Now get hearty. Get cool.

All right, I'm hearty. I'm cool.

Okay. I'm getting a headache.

Abracadabra.

Get lost, creep.

Maybe you got to be Italian.

♪ Tequila ♪

Hi, Angela. [LAUGHS]

Wanna boogie?

No. No thanks, Tiny.

Oh, I understand.

I'll be back when it's a slow dance.

[WHISTLES]

Angela, Angela. Oh, am I glad to see you.

I mean, I mean, I'm glad you could make it.

Well, it's a very successful party.

Everybody looks like they're having a good time.

Yeah, yeah, they're-- They're a happy bunch.

TINY: Tony, Tony, Tony.

You remember the Futterman twins?

Hi, Tony. Hi, Tony.

Oh! TONY: Hi. Hi.

Angela, I'd like you to meet--

Now wait a minute. Which one's Sally and which one's Suzy?

This is Sally.

[LAUGHS]

Are you sure? Maybe I should check.

Get lost, creep. Get lost, creep.

Bye, Tony. Bye, Tony.

TONY: Bye.

I wonder if they do everything together.

Uh, old friends.

Yeah, yeah, I see your lips go way back.

[PERCY FAITH'S "THEME FROM A SUMMER PLACE" PLAYS]

Um...would you like to dance?

Well, it's either you or Tiny.

I'm a lot easier on your toes.

Okay.

You, uh-- You look real nice. Is that a new dress?

Yeah. You don't think it's too conservative

for a happening scene like this?

Nah, it's perfect. It's perfect.

Hey, hey.

[RECORD NEEDLES SCRATCHES]

Settle down, ladies and dirtbags!

A few of us guys pitched in for a special

pad-warming present for Tony here.

[ALL CHEER]

All right, all right, already!

Let's see what I got for my two bucks.

Okay, okay, okay, and without further ado...

Hit it, Shalimar!

[ALL CHEER]

[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS]

[CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]

Oh...

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, no, Angela, where are you going?

Just-- Really, I don't want to leave the festivities,

but I've got work to do.

Oh, that's all? Here, let me walk you home.

Oh, no, that's all right.

I don't want you to leave your party.

Oh, no, you know, you seen one-- One veil, you've seen them all.

[CHUCKLES] Excuse me.

Hey, guys, keep the ceiling clean, huh?

Yo! Hey, Philly, come on. It's your turn.

Are you kidding? I'm not wearing anything under this.

No one will notice.

[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, thank you for a lovely party.

You're welcome. You're a lovely guest.

I mean, you didn't eat anything, you didn't drink anything.

I don't think you stole anything.

Well, see you in the morning.

Okay, good night.

Oh, hey, Angela, you know, speaking of morning,

maybe tomorrow I make something special for breakfast, huh?

Juice and coffee will be just fine.

Good night.

Oh, hey, Angela. Yes?

You know, uh, if you need me, I'm 10 feet away.

I'll be here, you know...

I know, I know. Now, you go back to your party.

You have a good time.

Hey, how could I miss? Are you kidding?

Well, good night...again.

Good night.

[DOOR CLOSES AND BOLTS]

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Oh, it's no fun without Tony around.

Well, sweetheart, I miss him too,

but you know we could have fun together.

Want to go to the movies?

With my mother?

Come on, come on.

We'll go to the multiplex. I'll sit in a different aisle.

In a different theater?

All right.

You see? We are a fun couple.

Hey. JONATHAN: Tony!

TONY: Hey! Hi, neighbor.

I just came by to pick up my jacket. Hey, buddy.

You want to go to the movies with us, Tony?

We don't have to sit with Mom.

[ANGELA LAUGHS]

Jonathan, I'm sure Tony has more exciting things to do

on a Friday night than be with us.

Sorry, pal of mine, but I do have some plans.

You do? TONY: Uh, yeah.

Philly and I, we're going out for a big night on the town.

Again? What do you do every night?

Well, a lot of fun things.

Hey, guy things.

I can't wait till I'm a guy.

Oh. Hi, Dad.

Bye, Dad.

Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where you going?

To Bonnie's.

Oh. Okay, you can go.

I know. Angela already told me.

Yeah, well, be back by 11.

I know. Angela already told me.

Can I have a hug, or did Angela already do that?

Mwah.

See you later, Angela. See you tomorrow, Dad.

[DOOR CLOSES] Hmm.

So...hey what movie are you guys going to see?

101 Dalmatians.

Oh, I love that movie.

Aw, tonight's the last night.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Well, hey, I guess I'm off to do my guy things, huh?

[HORN HONKING] All right, all right.

Hey, keep your pants on!

Oh, it's just a figure of--

Never mind.

Oh, hey, Philly, it was not my fault.

Oh, yeah?

Those chicks were plenty hot on us,

especially the one with the little hearts on her stockings.

Those were not hearts. Those were tattoos.

Who cares? We both could have had nights to remember.

But you had to tell the blond

that she didn't know how to make shrimp scampi.

Hey, I'm not interested in anyone

who doesn't use fresh garlic.

Last night, you weren't interested in the stewardess

because she vacuumed with a canister instead of an upright.

I got high standards.

What are you, the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval?

You know, we used to have good times.

But I think the guys are right. You've changed.

Don't say that, Philly.

I am still the same old wild man I always was.

Hey, hey, want to watch Little House on the Prairie?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV]

I wonder if Michael Landon's hair is real.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[TURNS TV OFF] Tony...

[SCREAMS]

I'm sorry, Philly.

Hey, that's okay. I have that effect on ladies.

Oh. Please come in.

Well, gosh, I thought you two guys were out on the town.

Is anything wrong?

It's Tony.

Oh, my God. What happened?

I'm afraid he's not making it as a wild man.

Oh! Oh, you had me scared.

Well, it is scary. I mean, right now he's up there

watching Little House on the Prairie.

Well, I thought you two were out doing guy things every night.

Yeah, but we're not doing it with any women.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Tell me about it.

Hey, let me ask you something, Angela.

Um, are you and Tony...

well, how can I put this delicately?

Are you doing the horizontal mambo?

I beg your pardon?

Is there something between you and Tony that--

That I don't know about?

No, of course not.

[LAUGHS] I didn't think so.

I mean, you and Tony.

I just can't figure it out.

He's got me worried.

He's acting like a homesick puppy.

You know, Philly,

you are a very good friend to Tony,

and a surprisingly sensitive man.

Well, that's what my parole officer says.

[THEME FROM BONANZA PLAYING OVER TV]

[TURNS OFF TV]

Good night, Little Joe.

[SIGHS]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Oh, Tony. What are you doing home so early?

Well, I just walked in the door.

You know, Philly pooped out.

Yeah, well, the reason I'm calling, Angela,

is, you know, the pilot light went out on the stove today,

and I'm not sure I relit it.

So I thought maybe I'd come over and check.

Well, I'm-- I'm right here. Just a sec.

No, no, it-- It's fine. But thanks.

Well, okay. You know, I was--

I was just a little worried. But now I'm not.

Okay. Good night. Good night to you too. Yeah.

[BLOWS]

[♪♪♪]

Oh, thank you.

It is the weirdest thing.

One minute it was on, and the next minute, boom,

it was off.

Well, boom, now it's on.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Well, since it's on, would you like a cup of tea?

Oh, sure. I'll make it.

No. No, it's after hours. You are my guest.

And I can boil water.

Well, hey, knock yourself out.

So far, so good.

[BOTH LAUGH]

You know, I just realized how nice this kitchen is.

Well, Mother's kitchen is nice too.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's nice and cozy.

But it's not like this one, you know.

I mean, it's not-- It doesn't have all the light,

and the plants, and that nice little spoon rest

on the stove there.

You know, Tony, I was thinking--

Oh no, Angela, I couldn't take your spoon rest.

[LAUGHING] No.

Um, what I mean was--

You know, sure, tonight it was the pilot light,

but, you know, it could have been a prowler.

And, I mean, what if the kids needed you

in the middle of the night?

Or I couldn't find my furry slippers?

They're in your closet, second shelf on the left.

You see? No, uh, I think, Tony,

that maybe it's best if you move back into the house.

Now I know-- I know how much your bachelor life means to you,

and I know how much it would mean asking you to give this up.

Yeah, well, I would be giving up a lot, you know.

I'd be giving up a great apartment.

Got to cut down on all those wild nights.

I was still hoping to find that key to Mona's drawer.

But, hey, if it would make you feel better...

It would. It really would.

Well, hey, you're the boss.

[KETTLE WHISTLES]

Oh. Oh, no, no, hey.

I think now that I'm back, this is my job, isn't it? Huh?

[WHISTLING STOPS]

All right.

You know, uh, I noticed in the paper

that they held over 101 Dalmatians.

Would you like to go with me Saturday?

I'll let you sit with me.

Okay. Okay.

Yeah, that's a...

It's-- It's a great film, you know?

I love the part when the little Dalmatians all get home,

back where they belong.

That's my favorite part.

Mine too.

[WHISPERS] Tony-- What the...?

Did you hear something too?

No, Angela. I'm out here checking for termites.

Well, Tony, maybe it's the chain saw murderer.

[SCOFFS]

Angela, you've been watching way too many movies.

[WHIRRING] [GASPS]

Angela, hold me.

Drop that...

Oster-izer?

Mother?

Mona?

Protein drink, anyone?

Mother, what are you doing here?

Why aren't you at the hotel?

My brother and I have finally come to an agreement.

We disagree about everything.

Besides, I've decided if I'm going to have to spend my life

with somebody who drives me nuts,

it might as well be you.

Oh, Mother, that's the sweetest thing

you ever said to me.

[LAUGHS] Oh, this is--

This is great! Whoa!

I'm so happy. I'm so happy, Mona.

But there is one thing I guess I should tell you:

there's some footprints on your ceiling.

Oh, you found them.

[♪♪♪]

Closed Captions: Katie Radford