Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

[BOTH] ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas And a happy New Year ♪

GEOFFREY: ♪ Chestnuts roasting ♪

♪ On an open fire ♪

Aah! Aha!

♪ Jack Frost nipping-- ♪

[BABBLING]

♪ --at your nose ♪

[GEOFFREY HUMMING]

Geoffrey, don't you think there's something

just a little impersonal about a postage meter

on a Christmas card?

Why? It's got a Christmas message on it.

"Peace on Earth. Bulk rate."

TONY: Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.

Heh. 'Tis the season to be jolly.

Oh, hi, Geoff.

[TONY GRUNTS]

What a beauty, huh?

Huh? That's gonna look great all lit up.

Yeah, just like the guy who sold it to me.

[LAUGHS]

Huh?

This is gonna be a great Christmas.

You should see the goose I got.

You sat on Santa's lap too?

You know, Mona,

I was gonna tell you about my special stuffing,

but now I'm afraid.

Aah... Let's just say,

this Christmas is gonna be a festival of Yuletide yummies.

Mm.

You'd better tell him. I know.

I'm talking six digits in calories here.

Six digits.

If you've got a belt, open it one notch.

In fact, forget the belt. Get suspenders. Heh!

Tony. Hey,

I'm talking Scrooge would smile if he saw this dinner.

If Tiny Tim came to this dinner,

he'd leave as Tim the Refrigerator. Heh.

Tony.

I know, it's a lot, Angela.

I know it's a lot.

But, hey, Christmas comes just once a year.

And you should see the way she packs it in. Whoa.

Tony.

Jonathan, Mother and I have been invited

to Christmas dinner at Geoffrey's mother's house.

Oh, well...

They're all so anxious to meet Angela. And her family.

Oh, well, I'm having dinner here.

Tony's got a shovel with my name on it.

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHING]

Oh, Geoffrey, I have a great idea.

Why don't we invite them all here?

Great idea. Great idea. Yes.

The more the merrier, right?

Tell you what. I'll make six kinds of pie.

I was only gonna make three, but with guests--

Tony. Tony, it won't work.

I won't make pie. I'll make plum pudding.

You don't understand. It's impossible.

Mother's already booked the caterers. She's hired the help.

Eh, well, I...

I wouldn't wanna upset the help.

Hey, Tony.

Let's go get the Christmas lights, huh?

I have a sudden urge to string something up.

Hey, hey.

I'm sorry. I hope you understand.

Oh, yeah. I understand. Are you kidding me?

It's Christmas. Families.

Caterers. Heh. Hey...

This is just like a regular Dickens' story.

You know, all you need is Mr. Magoo.

Mm. Huh...

I can't believe I didn't find a thing for Tony.

Well, it wasn't a complete waste of time.

You found a lovely present for me.

I did?

It's on your charge card.

And you shouldn't have been so extravagant.

Mother, what am I gonna do?

Pay it out in installments.

No.

I mean, about Tony.

Well, we found a lot of things that Tony liked.

Look, the wallet, the belt, the girl at the perfume counter.

No. I-- I wanna find him something that's just right.

Something that--

Something that lets him know how I feel about him.

How do you feel about him?

Well, you know.

I feel that we have a...

But it's not what you'd call...

And yet...

Just tell that to the saleslady. Heh.

Thanks again for the present.

Oh. You're welcome. You're so easy to shop for.

By the way, Mother, what did I get you?

I can't tell you that, Angela.

I want it to be a surprise.

TONY: Good shot, good shot.

JONATHAN: All right. Try and beat that.

Oh, no, you won my Mickey Mantle!

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Dr. Ferguson,

you'd take a kid's most valuable card?

You bet.

Ah, the Christmas spirit. Ha-ha-ha.

Come on, Sam, popcorn's all strung. Come on.

Hi, guys.

Aw, the stores were just mobbed. I didn't have time for dinner.

Ooh, popcorn.

Go ahead, Angela. Finish it.

It comes with its own dental floss.

Okay, Dr. Ferguson...

double or nothing.

What baseball player do you want?

You know the only baseball card I really want?

A Tony Micelli.

Did they ever make one of those?

Yeah, they made a few. Heh.

Are you kidding? I-- I had a great pose.

You know, I had that face on that said,

"Wouldn't you like this guy to endorse your product?" Heh.

Sort of like this. Hey.

Boy, I'd really like that baseball card.

It'd make a great Christmas present.

Well, I wish I had one to give you.

You don't even have one?

How can you not have your own baseball card?

But, Dad-- TONY: I--

I used to have one, but...

a terrible thing happened. Terrible.

What?

Uh, well, there was--

There was this sports fan, and...

And he was in the hospital.

And it was his final wish

to have a Tony Micelli baseball card.

So, what could I do? I gave him my last one.

You know, his wife called me. She said,

"Hey, you could have it back after-- You know."

But, just my luck, the guy gets better

He hits the lottery and he moves to France.

Go be nice to people, huh. It's unbelievable.

Oh...

Tony, you did the right thing.

Well, you know, I...

Dad-- Samantha, um...

Don't you think we should go and hang

what's left of this popcorn on the tree?

Come on. Come on.

Okay. Thank you. Excuse us.

Gee, I can't believe

the guy doesn't have his own baseball card.

It's a piece of his history.

That's it.

His baseball card. It's the perfect gift.

Oh, Angela, thank you.

[CHUCKLES] No, not for you. For Tony.

Oh.

Boom. Guy in a hospital?

Wins the lottery? Moves to France?

Dad, you lied to Dr. Ferguson.

Me? Lie?

Are you saying that your father lied?

Like a rug.

You have that card, I just saw it the other day.

All right, Samantha, I lied.

But I had a good reason.

If he knew I had that card, he'd want it.

Dad, he would not take your last baseball card.

Yes, he would. You saw him.

He takes cards from children.

Are you kidding me? I want that card in our family.

Someday you're gonna grow up and have kids,

and I want them to see

what their old Grandpa Tony used to do, you know.

You don't remember my baseball days, huh?

Sure I do. Yeah.

Yeah.

They had the best peanuts and the best popcorn.

Oh, and those foot-long hot dogs...

Ah, they just don't make junk food like they used to.

Yeah, yeah. You too.

No, no, what I mean is--

I mean, when your old man was out on the field,

hitting home runs and turning a double play

at second base.

No. You were all dressed alike.

Well, those happen to be very special times in my life.

That's a very special time.

You know, sometimes I dream about it.

I think about the crack of the bat,

and the sun on the back of my neck, the crowd cheering.

Then I wake up and it's gone.

And all that's left

are a few memories and that baseball card.

All right.

I won't tell Dr. Ferguson.

But, Dad, the next time you tell that story,

lose France and kill off the guy.

Ooh. Yeah. I'll bury the card with the guy.

Oh, nice touch.

I like that. I like it too.

So you gonna come back in? No. I've gotta get

Angela's Christmas present finished.

Ooh, let me see it.

Come on, hurry up. How's it coming?

Oh, it's coming great. It's coming great.

Uh-huh. It's a little primitive,

but that handmade look is in, you know.

She's gonna love it. Look at that.

This one here...

Are you sure you read the instructions right?

Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me?

When this is finished...

it's gonna look just like this.

That's amazing.

[LAUGHS]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

Yeah, yeah. Uh...

Ho, hey, I thought Santa came down the chimney.

It's Geoffrey Wells. Ha-ha-ha.

Ah, yeah, well,

that would have been my next guess.

Can I give you a hand with that, Geoff? Ha-ha-ha.

No, I think I've got it. Yeah.

That's an awful lot of stuff.

Yeah. Just doing my part for the retail sector. Heh.

Aah. Way to trickle down, Geoff.

Thank you. So, uh...

how many of these are for Angela?

Oh, none.

Her present's right here.

Oh, that's sweet, Geoffrey. Your love and affection.

No.

Diamond earrings.

Oh, well, they're good too. Heh.

You don't think they're too big, do you?

No. No, are you kidding?

They're perfect. They're perfect.

She could use them to signal passing ships.

So, what are you getting Angela?

Oh. Oh, I got her something great.

Something really great. Pfft.

Yeah, it's fabulous.

But I wanna keep it a secret.

See, it's top secret. I'm not gonna tell anybody.

All right, ladies, what's your pleasure?

We got Jim Palmer in his jockey shorts,

Bucky Dent beefcake

Uh, actually, we're looking for a baseball card.

But I'll browse.

You drool on it, you buy it.

So you're looking for a baseball card.

I've got them all. I know every player that ever was.

I'd like one Tony Micelli, please.

Never heard of him.

I'll give you $50 for it.

Oh, that Tony Micelli! Yeah, yeah.

He played, uh... Second base.

Right, right. For the... St. Louis...

Bird team.

Cardinals. Right.

Oh, you know him. I'm so glad.

This is so important to me. Oh, yeah?

Uh, but not that important.

Prices tend to go up

when one appears to want things too badly, dear.

Right.

It's, um, no big deal.

It's just a little stocking stuffer.

Oh, you need it by Christmas.

All right, I'll give you $100 for it.

Check back in January.

Hundred and fifty.

Hey, how about a nice Mets beer mug?

Two hundred.

What if she just signs over her firstborn?

You know, people don't realize

how much is involved in hunting these things down.

How much is involved?

About another 150 bucks.

[GASPS] Three hundred and fifty dollars?

You must think I just fell off a turnip truck.

I'll give you $325.

Not a penny more.

Deal.

You drive a very hard bargain.

[GRUMBLING] Mother.

So how much you want for this?

Oh, that's a very rare poster.

Forty-five dollars. I'll give you 6 bucks.

Sold.

♪ You better watch out You better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming To town ♪

Samantha. Samantha.

Stop singing that obnoxious Christmas music.

Dad, you better watch out

because, you know, Santa Claus is coming,

and he is not gonna like that attitude.

Well...

Sam, I know, I--

I'm acting just like a grinch.

But I just can't figure out

what to get Angela for Christmas.

Well, what about the scarf?

Oh, come on, honey. It's not good enough.

Angela's used to the best, and my wallet isn't.

Aw. Dad, she'll love it because you made it yourself.

You know, it's just like that ashtray

I made for you in first grade.

It's not that bad, is it?

Oh, wha-- Oh. No.

Not that I didn't like your ashtray, sweetheart.

I loved your ashtray. Okay, okay.

I don't smoke, but I loved your ashtray.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Tony Micelli.

Yeah, I used to play for the Cardinals.

There's a guy on the phone wants to buy my baseball card

for 25 bucks.

Tell him it's not for sale.

Oh, you ain't kidding it's not for sale.

Hey, look, pal, I'm sorry, but it's not for sale.

That-- That card is a piece of my history.

It's worth a lot more than 25 bucks.

Heh. Hey, it's worth more than 50 bucks.

A hundred bucks?

Are you sure you've got the right Micelli?

Hey, look-- Hey, forget it.

Forget it--

Hey, look, they don't print enough money

for me to sell that card.

Yeah. How do you like this guy, huh?

Wants to buy my card for 100 bucks. Heh.

I'm a legend in my own time. Heh.

Well, you told him, Dad.

Yeah, I sure did. I sure did.

Not that 100 bucks wouldn't come in real handy right now.

Wish I could get Angela something really special.

Ah.

Look, I hung up on the guy, I don't even know who it is.

No.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Yeah-- Hey, look-- Oh-- Oh, yeah?

Yeah? You may think everybody's got their price but--

Two twenty-five? That's mine.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

You sold your card?

Dad, whatever happened to showing your grandkids

what Grandpa Tony used to do?

Uh... I'll dress up in my uniform

and tell them stories.

Hey, here it is. Here it is.

This is gonna blow Angela away, huh?

Two hundred and fifty dollars.

Dad, you always told me

it's just the thought that counts.

Yeah, that's right.

I thought, and now I'm gonna buy.

♪ Santa Claus Is coming to town ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[LAUGHING]

Oh. Oh, Ed is so thoughtful.

Look, he remembered.

Passion pink is my favorite color.

Yeah. They all remembered, Mona.

Okay, what's next?

Well, how about a few more presents, huh?

MONA: Okay. What do you say, James?

Come in here.

ANGELA: Oh! Oh! Heh.

TONY: This way, this way, this way.

Ha-ha-ha. That's my boy.

Let me tell you something, Geoff.

I've gotta hand it to you.

This Rusty the Robot, what a great gift.

Well, I figured he'd be a great help in your work,

with the dusting, buffing and sweeping.

Plus, he'll be a fun pal to hang around with.

Oh, yeah, he'd be a great pal, you kidding?

We can watch a game and split a six-pack of STP.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, boy, an ant farm! Oh.

GEOFFREY: Heh. Thanks, Geoffrey.

Oh, you're welcome, Jonathan.

But now remember this isn't just a toy.

There's a lesson to be learned here.

Ants work very hard, they're industrious.

They're nature's little achievers.

Yeah, but no matter how busy they are,

they always have time for a picnic, Jonathan.

Oh. Ha-ha-ha.

Uh, ahem.

Santa gave me something for you, Angela.

[GASPS] Oh, Geoffrey.

They're gorgeous.

Wow, they look just like real diamonds.

They are.

Well, dear, you must have been very good.

[MOUTHS WORDS]

Here's a little something to go along with it.

Oh. Geoffrey.

Oh.

A rider for my insurance policy.

Oh, thank you.

Here's another one for Angela.

Oh, Geoffrey. Tiffany's.

You spoil me.

Well, actually, it's not from Geoffrey.

Tony?

Well, yeah...

[GASPS] Oh.

Oh, what a beautiful vase.

Oh, no, it's a vause.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Ooh!

Oh, Angela, Oh.

that's French lead crystal.

Boy, oh, boy,

that must have cost beaucoup de bucks.

[CHUCKLES]

Oui, oui, Madame. Ho.

Oh, Tony, it's just...

It's beautiful.

But you shouldn't have spent so much money on me.

Well, yeah, but Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

Here's one for Tony. Oh.

Oh...

From Angela. Heh.

Let me guess, a tennis racket.

No! Ha-ha-ha.

Come on. Open it up.

Okay.

See.

See, it-- It's a piece of your history.

Oh, Angela.

This is the greatest present anybody's ever given me.

I mean, look at this.

It's even bent on the corner like mine was.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

Wait a minute.

This is my card.

I mean, it was my card before I sold it.

No. No, you don't have a baseball card.

You told Dr. Ferguson that you di-- Well--

I didn't wanna give it to him.

Well, then why did you sell it?

You know...

Oh...

Oh, Tony.

I didn't realize how beautiful this vase really is.

I mean vause.

[MONA & TONY CHUCKLE]

Well, Mother's turkey's just about cooked.

Just a minute, Geoffrey.

I wanna find a really special place for this.

Well, what about my place?

[CHUCKLES]

How about...?

How about right over here, huh?

Oh.

Gee, I sure like it.

I sure like it too.

Angela.

You're standing under the mistletoe.

Well, I guess it's time to be going.

Yeah, yeah. You know, there's nothing worse

than dried up turkey. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sure Geoffrey's mother

is a very nice person.

Well, uh...

we're off. Heh. Yes.

There's another present in the car with your name on it.

Oh, Geoffrey, you shouldn't have.

Merry Christmas. Have a good time, everybody.

ANGELA: Yeah. TONY: Bye, Jonathan.

Merry Christmas. Bye, Geoffrey.

Have a good dinner, everybody, and...

Merry Christmas.

Well, what do you say?

Who's ready for a great Christmas dinner?

BOTH: I am.

Come on, ladies.

Hey, hey, hey. What are you standing there?

Clean this place up.

[BEEPING]

Merry Christmas to you too. Heh, heh.

God bless us, everyone.

Jonathan's nestled, all snug in his bed

while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

[CHUCKLES]

Sure it's not ants? Heh.

[CHUCKLES]

So did you have fun at Geoff's?

Oh, the entertainment was spectacular.

Oh, yeah? Twelve drummers drumming,

11 pipers piping,

10 lords a-leaping.

You have any aspirin?

Yeah, sure. Hey, let me ask you a question.

How did they do the maids a-milk--? Never mind.

There you go.

Hey, uh, so...

...how was the dinner?

Turkey was a little dry.

[CHUCKLES] Well, I wanna say,

but that's what you get with those catered meals.

On the other hand, you should've tasted our goose.

It was so juicy. [SLURPS]

Oh, wap.

[LAUGHS]

Would you like a little taste?

No, thank you. You sure? A little taste?

Okay, a little taste. Ha!

Aha! Here she is.

Here she is, huh? Oh.

Yeah, sit down. Oh. Oh.

Let me ask you a question, how was the stuffing?

Well, it was a little bland.

Mother Wells is on a low-sodium diet.

Ah. Poor thing.

There we go. Oh.

Just close the refrigerator.

Hey. Oh.

I got it. Here we are.

[GASPING]

Some...

Oh, are yo--? Are you having some too?

Well, I think I have room for a little myself.

There you go. Thanks.

All right.

Uh-huh.

Have some of this, Uh-huh.

a little of this, Mm.

some more of this, Mm.

and a little of this.

A couple of potatoes. Heh.

Tony, enough. That's enough.

You have any cranberry sauce? Oh, yeah.

Just happen to have some right here. Hey.

Great. There you are.

Thanks. Huh.

Uh-oh.

You ready? Look what I found.

Ahh. Ahh.

All right.

Close your eyes and make a wish.

Okay.

[♪♪♪]

Closed Captions: Sara Meyer