Original subtitles

♪ There is more to life than what you're living

♪ So take a chance and face the wind

♪ An open road and a road that's hidden

♪ Brand new life around the bend

♪ There were times I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail and at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up to you, my friend

♪ Nights are long but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life around the bend ♪

First I'll tell them

how important advertising is.

How it can impact on all of society.

Ooh, impacting. It's good, it's good.

And then I'll segue into the role advertising plays

in a thriving healthy economy.

Smooth, smooth.

And then I'll bring it all home by telling them about

the exciting lifestyle of an advertising executive.

-Ooh, I know I'm excited. -Huh!

Hey, how about you, Mone?

Huh, yeah?

Good, very good, Angela. Very good.

Ah, Angela, you're going to make a terrific teacher.

You're gonna be even better than Sister Blandina.

And probably a better dresser, too.

Mom, look, you're famous!

Yeah, the catalog just came from Southport University.

-Really? -There you are,

"Angela Bower, Introduction to Advertising."

So, how come they picked you, Angela?

I don't know.

Because they wanted the best.

Well, thank you, Mother.

And when he wasn't available they got Angela.

Why don't I learn?

Ah, Angela, I think what you're doing is terrific.

I mean, adult education, oh, it's important.

It's really important. It's...

It's educating adults.

Yeah, here's an important course,

"Introduction to Origami."

What's origami?

Not as much fun as it sounds.

"Mmm, mmm, good."

"Ring around the collar."

"Two, two, two mints in one."

Now, can anybody tell me what

all these slogans have in common?

They're annoying.

But you remember them.

Now these little slogans have moved

millions of dollars of products.

And in this class, I am going to show you why.

But first, let's get to know each other better.

Roll call.

-William Abbot. -Here.

Okay, Bradley Guylas?

Uh, present.

Did I pronounce your name correctly?

Uh, no, but I like your way better.

I came to learn!

And you will.

-Uh, Karen Meyer. -Here.

Anthony Micelli... Tony?

Yo, Teach!

Sorry I'm late. Hey, hey! Oh!

I hope nobody squeezed the Charmin yet?

Can you believe this guy

trying to kiss up to the teacher?

Yeah, there's one like that in every class.

Two.

Parker, Singer, Steinkelner?

Mr. Micelli, may I speak to you a moment?

-Me? -You're in trouble.

Sure, Angela, uh...

Miss Bower, uh, you're surprised to see me.

You look surprised.

Hey, I brought you an apple.

-And it's a firm one. Not mushy. -Tony...

Well, you know, I know how you hate those mushy apples.

Tony, I am teaching a class here.

Yeah, I know. I'm gonna take it.

Why?

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, Angela.

Tony, Tony.

Come on, I've been living with you

for about a year and a half now...

Oh, easy A.

Ah, well, I mean...

You know what I do for a living, you know,

not that you could do it.

But I would like to know more about what you do.

Well, I'm very flattered,

but I don't know.

It might be awkward with you in the class.

I don't feel awkward.

Hey, I really want to stay.

I matriculated and everything.

-Oh, okay. -Okay.

We'll give it a try, but no special treatment.

Hey, I don't want no special treatment.

Are you kidding?

But, um, now that you mention it,

I may be a little late Tuesday.

Angela Bower.

Is she a great teacher, or what?

Angela taught us all of that

in just the first half of the class!

What did she do in the second half?

Walk on water?

Hardy har har.

I'm telling you, Mone. She's a great teacher.

Well, I know where she gets it.

After all, I've taught a few old dogs

some new tricks myself.

All right, all right, who among you can tell me the five most

important rules when making a TV commercial.

Darn!

And I knew them only yesterday.

-Good morning. -ALL: Good morning, Miss Bower.

Cute.

Very cute.

Hey, Angela, check this out.

I give my family Fiber Puffs every morning

to get them going, huh, huh.

Product identification, personal endorsement.

Rules two and three.

Very good, Tony.

And each bowl contains 100%

of the daily recommended dose of fiber.

So does a box of toothpicks.

But we wouldn't wanna put that in the ads.

That's right, Tony.

Hey, one class, I know it all.

Well, maybe not all.

I hate these things.

That's why we have advertising

to make you think you like them.

Mona, Mona, Mona,

commercials are the cornerstone

of a free market economy.

And they give you time to go to the bathroom

when you're watching TV.

Oh, that's why nobody watches public television.

Tony, have you come up with an idea for your assignment yet?

Homework?

You've got homework on the first day?

Boy, his teacher must be a real battle-ax.

I'm having each student

make a commercial for a laundry detergent.

Yeah, and I've got a great idea, let me tell you.

Nobody's going to the bathroom during my commercial.

Let's hear it.

-I'll give you some pointers. -Oh, no, no, no, thanks, Angela.

I want it to be a surprise.

Oh, Tony, there's more to making a good commercial

than you might think. I just want to help you.

Well, to tell you the truth, Angela, you already have.

You're my inspiration.

And I love, I love the way you care about your students.

Did I tell you guys what kind of great teacher she is?

ALL: Yes!

Oh, isn't this great?

Me and you doing our homework together.

Yeah, Dad. I'll color your storyboard

if you read Silas Marner.

What are you trying to say, this is easy?

You try staying inside these lines.

Tony, you should've seen your teacher in action today.

I sold a twenty-million-dollar campaign

and I did it in 20 minutes.

Whoa, a mil a minute.

Way to go, Angela!

And with all the art directors, copywriters,

and creative geniuses on my staff,

who do you think came up with the winning idea?

-Ah... -Me.

Of course you, of course you did.

-Let me see, let me see. -Okay.

I love the excitement of advertising.

Ta-da.

That's it?

-What's wrong with it? -Oh, nothing.

It's, uh... It's cute.

"Cute"?

It's bold, it's dynamic, it's innovative.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just not as bold, dynamic,

or innovative as mine.

Well, I can't wait to see yours...

Not just yet. Not just yet.

But it's going to knock your socks off. Right, Sam?

Yeah, made me want to drop a load into the washer.

Tony, come on.

I showed you mine, why don't you show me yours.

Angela, are you still playing that game?

-Can I be the nurse? -Get outta here.

Not now, Mother.

Now, Tony, all the other students have shown me

their storyboards. They seem to want my help.

Yeah, well, all the other students ain't got this.

Huh! Brilliant.

-Mona. -Even better.

Tony, you seem to forget that

I'm going to be grading you on this.

Oh, hey, no problem there, Angela.

We're talking Straight-A City.

Well, students,

tonight is the night we've all been waiting for.

Tonight we are going to view the commercials

of the advertising executives of the future.

Ooh, I feel like I'm on Star Search?

Who would like to be first?

Oh...

Ah, Mr. Guylas.

This is gonna be a tough act to follow.

Sure, sure, sure.

As I discussed with Mrs. Bower,

I decided to go with the celebrity endorsement,

but who?

I wanted someone fresh, someone with integrity...

Someone you haven't seen on commercials before.

Mrs. Bower, I think you'll find my selection

quite effective.

When does this guy come up for air?

Hello, I'm Princess Di.

When my Charlie has had a rough day on the polo field,

I wash all of his riding togs in Buckingham Soap.

It also does wonders for the heir apparent's diapers.

So to make your whole family feel like royalty,

use Buckingham Soap.

I do.

Beat that, Micelli.

In my sleep.

Well, Bradley, that was a wonderful

example of humor in advertising.

It was really very funny.

It wasn't supposed to be.

Well, never can tell with the British, can you?

Uh, any comments from the class?

I didn't know Princess Di did her own laundry.

All right.

Settle down, settle down.

Now, Bradley, we'll come back to this later, all right.

Now, let's move on. Mr. Micelli?

-Yo! -I believe you're next.

All right! Hey gang, you've seen the rest,

Princess Di, now get ready to see the best.

Tony, we'll be the judge of that.

Okay, okay, I am just warming them up, Teach.

Not that you guys need warming up,

because this commercial is hot.

Ow!

And I do mean hot. Now stay tuned.

-Would you just play the tape? -Okay, okay, okay, hey...

Everybody got a good seat? You, you look a little short.

You want to move to the front row?

Would you just play the damn tape?

You can't wait to see it, can you?

Okay.

Hi, in my line of work,

the right detergent is very important.

-Boy, you really fight dirty! -Yeah, I do.

But when I want to come clean

and get rid of that ground in grime...

I wash my dainties in Bouncy Flakes.

The detergent of the champions.

TONY: Bouncy Flakes...

To give your laundry a thrill.

Hey, thank you, thank you, thank you,

but I can't take all the credit.

I gotta thank Jungle Jane and Gritty Gertie.

Don't forget, my inspiration, Angela Bower.

I inspired that?

So what'd you think? Was it great or was it great?

Well, it was very graphic.

Ooh, graphic, graphic, graphic is good.

Not always.

It was this time.

So, what's my grade?

Tony, it's not the grade that's important.

It's the experience that counts.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, right.

Hey! You guys all think I got an A, right?

-A, A, A, A, A, A... -Tony, Tony!

The class is not grading this.

I am. Now, I need a little while to think about it.

-Please sit down. -Oh, but, Angela!

Tony! Don't push me on this.

Angela, it's my grade. I earned it.

-It's offensive. -Offensive?

Yes, it's offensive.

It's the most offensive television commercial

I have ever seen!

Are you saying it's not an A?

An A?

An A?

It's an F.

An F, as in flunk,

fail, phooey!

But you're gonna grade on a curve, right?

You know what your problem is, Angela?

-You are jealous. -Jealous?

-Yeah. -Jealous?

I don't know why you signed up for my class.

You seem to know it all.

You don't even want to know what is wrong with it.

Well, the class seemed to like it.

The class doesn't know diddley.

That's why they're the class and I'm the teacher.

Oh, oh, excuse me, Miss Madison Avenue big shot.

I bet you're the only one who knows anything about anything at all.

Well, I know one thing for certain.

Your commercial won't sell one lousy Bouncy Flake.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, why's that, Angela?

Well, you're the advertising genius, you figure it out.

So, how was class?

I don't wanna even talk to you.

You know, you know, you brought this on yourself.

If you had just asked for my help.

Aha, aha, so that's it.

You gave me an F

because I did it myself and it was good.

It stank.

Stank?

Dad, you got an F?

Ooh, you're grounded for a week.

Yeah, but if you smile and look cute,

you can get off in three days.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Both of youse, up to bed.

Dad, it's only eight o'clock.

Yeah, but it's ten o'clock on the moon.

Tony,

I knew it wasn't a good idea for you to take the class.

I'll talk to the school about reimbursing you.

Ho, hey, ho, ho, hey.

I ain't dropping that class.

I may be a failure, but I'm no quitter.

Angela, you shouldn't have flunked him.

Now he'll never get into grad school.

Mother, he was impossible.

He disrupted my entire class.

He showed the most offensive piece of junk

that anybody's ever seen and then he strutted around

the room like he was Francis Ford Coppola.

Our Tony, overconfident? Huh!

Then I tried to tell him what was wrong with the commercial

very gently.

Oh, you mean like it being the most

offensive piece of junk you've ever seen?

Well, it really was, Mother.

So, what you're saying is you tore his work apart,

you humiliated him in front of the class,

and you shattered his ego.

Well, if he can't take a little constructive criticism.

Well, that's why he's taking the class, isn't it?

No, Angela, he took the class because of you.

He wanted to impress you.

And he wanted to make you proud.

-Really? -Yes.

He worked very hard on his project.

I know he did

and there are some very good things about it.

Well, did you tell him that?

Well, no.

But, he just makes me so mad.

He just, he just won't listen.

That's because he cares too much what you think about him.

Unless of course you don't think he's wonderful,

then he doesn't want to hear about it.

Mother, how am I going to get through to him?

Well, you're the teacher.

Hit him with a ruler.

Oh...

Oh, Angela, he's just another student.

No, he's not, he's not just another student.

He's Tony.

And I expected more from him.

More than half-naked women covered in mud.

Degrading themselves.

It was offensive!

It was disgusting!

It deserved an F!

Mother, it deserved lower than an F!

It deserved a G!

Well, Princess Di liked it.

And now I'd like to introduce to you

the speaker for this evening, Mr. Jeremy Eichen.

He's the Vice President in charge of advertising

for Sunshine Laundry Detergent.

Soap is my life.

He's looked at your commercials

and he's agreed to give you an objective opinion.

We're very lucky to have him.

Not only is he a good friend of mine,

but he is the man who pioneered the dripless spout.

It was nothing.

-Micelli did it. -I don't know what got into me.

I lost my head.

Mr. Micelli,

may I remind you that this is adult education?

I'm not gonna take her again next quarter.

And now, without further ado,

I would like to turn the podium over to Jeremy.

Soap...

Everybody needs it, but how do you sell it?

Now this woman you see before

you could sell cold water detergent to an Eskimo.

Thank you, Jeremy.

But the question is, can you?

I'm sure you've all heard there

are five rules of advertising.

-I know them. -Forget 'em.

There's just one rule I go on, guts.

Let me write that down for you.

I wonder who could have done that?

I'm sorry, Jeremy.

You were speaking about guts.

That's right.

I've been looking at some of your commercials,

and quite frankly, my guts says some of them stank.

ANGELA: Oh.

Jeremy, they're just students.

Well, you're right, Angela,

but selling soap is a dirty business.

The American consumer isn't going to buy

detergent from some guy wearing a tiara.

I don't care who he says he is.

Hey, hey, you should have taken origami.

And one of you had the audacity

to put a couple of half-naked women in mud.

Jeremy, please...

And it's that kind of audacity that sells soap.

It is?

It is?

-Where's Micelli? -Yo.

Your Bouncy Flakes commercial had me in a lather.

Come on up here, Micelli. I want to shake your hand.

Hey, see that, Angela, he liked my commercial.

And this is the guy who pioneered the dripless spout.

Well, I agree, Jeremy, it was very imaginative

in a muddy sort of way.

Yeah, then why did you give me an F?

An F?

Yeah, you know, like in fail, flunk, phooey.

I gave you an F

because your commercial had one very serious flaw.

Now can somebody tell us what that was?

-I know, I know! -Mr. Micelli.

Hey, hey, I'm with him remember.

I liked it.

Will it make you buy soap?

By the truck load.

What about you, Jeremy?

Well, actually, I don't buy the soap in my family.

My wife does.

That's very interesting,

because in my household

the pig-headed male housekeeper buys the laundry detergent.

You have a male housekeeper?

-That's certainly... -Watch it, pal.

Interesting, unusual, very today.

So if women are the ones who are buying the soap,

what would that mean, Mr. Micelli?

That would mean my commercial stank.

I forgot rule number five...

Know your target audience!

Thank you, Your Highness.

And if women are my target audience,

they probably wouldn't like the mud wrestling

as much as I do.

Ooh, I hate it when I'm wrong.

And I hate it even more when you're right.

Thank you, Tony. I accept your apology.

Tony, one more thing.

Your commercial wasn't the most offensive piece

of junk I've ever seen.

I knew you liked it. I knew you liked it.

Sit down, Mr. Micelli.

Yes, ma'am.

All right, then...

Now that we've cleared the air...

-Angela, don't...

Does this belong to someone?

TONY: Who's the Boss? will be back in a moment. Stick around.

I made you some tea and those yummy cookies you like.

Thank you, Tony.

Oh, gee... What are you doing there?

You're doing the grades?

Yep, I just got to Micelli.

-Isn't that a coincidence? -Oh, well.

Might I ask, any changes?

Yes, Tony, in light of your new

understanding of advertising,

I have decided to change your grade.

I knew those cookies would get to you.

To a "C".

A "C"?

Angela, I made those cookies from scratch.

Well, we did have a slight behavior problem, didn't we?

Aw, rats.

All right, Tony,

I will forget about the airplane,

and the whoopee cushion, and Battle-Ax Bower,

and grade you just on the merits of your commercial,

-which means a "B".

If you promise me there will be

no more childish pranks.

-Deal? -Deal.