Original subtitles

♪ There is more to life than what you're living

♪ So take a chance and face the wind

♪ An open road and a road that's hidden

♪ A brand new life around the bend

♪ There were times

♪ I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail

♪ And at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up to you my friend

♪ Nights are long but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life around the bend ♪

That's it. That's it.

-Love the lens. -Love the lens?

Yeah, that's photographer's talk.

And...

Ooh!

You know, Mona, I don't know how I let you talk, me into this calendar stuff.

Are you kidding me?

A year's supply of hunks

is a great way to raise money

-for the animal shelter.

You know, animals for animals.

That's good, cute.

It's a wrap.

-MONA: Cute, huh, nice?

Oh, come on.

Oh, please, this is disgusting.

It's humiliating.

Me, Mr. February, shortest month of the year.

Well, you do have the cutest little ditty.

You promised not to peek, Mona.

No, I think Mother means the horrid little poem.

"Tony cleans with manly power for ad exec Angela Bower."

Well, I like it.

I wrote it, but I still like it.

This tasteless calendar has made the rounds of the office.

It's now hanging above the water cooler,

turned conveniently to February.

Yeah?

Well, Angela, I didn't mean to make you feel so uncomfortable.

I guess that's just a little added bonus.

You know, Tony, you are no better.

You are so shallow.

Letting yourself be ogled like a, like a piece of meat.

Excuse me, Angela,

I think the expression is "side of beef."

-Let me get that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, Mr. Beef.

Hello?

Yes, this is ad exec, Angela Bower.

Yes, Mr. February is here.

It's one of your calendar groupies.

I just want to say one thing.

Whoever this woman is, she's only interested in you for your looks.

You're just a hunk hanging on her wall.

A sex object.

Great! Give me the phone.

Hello? Yeah, this is Mr. February, heh,

all 28 days of him.

Hey, I... I wish it was a leap year myself.

You like Mr. March?

Hey, listen... You are?

Well, that's uh, look, I'm really flattered, I really am, but, uh,

I'm kind of tied up right now.

No, no, I mean busy.

Um...

Uh...

Look, Cassandra, thanks a lot,

but, thanks anyway, but maybe some other time, okay?

Yeah, bye.

Ooh.

You actually turned her down?

Hey, Angela, what, are you kidding me?

You think I just go out with anybody even though I don't know them?

Tony, I take back what I said about being shallow.

She could be a real tire-biter, you know?

I take back what I took back about being shallow.

Tony, would you do me a favor?

For you, buddy, anything.

Make a muscle.

Hey, watch this.

Huh?

Here it is, girls. Mr. February.

A nickel a look.

Maximum attraction.

Jonathan!

What are you doing charging these girls a nickel?

Really, my dad's worth at least a dime.

Hey, hey, and I want a piece of the action.

Oh, look, look, there goes Mr. August.

Oh, what a hot month!

-Oh. Let me see! -Right there. Right there.

-Let me see! -Right there. Right there.

-Oh, I'm dying! -I know.

Hey, Mrs. Wittner, I had the stool first.

Tough.

Oh, my God. Look at the overdeveloped pecs on Mr. April!

What are overdeveloped pecs?

Something an orthodontist's wife never gets to see, sweetheart.

Angela, let's get up to Mona's party and run barefoot through muscles.

Wendy, I am not going to that tacky calendar-signing party.

I've got work to do.

The Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes?

People win these.

Look at Mr. Smith of Scottsdale, Arizona.

Angela, If I go up there all alone,

lose control and run off with a hunk

and Herb is left to raise those motherless children,

it will be on your head.

Okay, okay, I'll go.

I just want Herb to remember this when Jonathan needs braces.

It's a wonderful clinic, we're talking state-of-the-art spay and neutering.

He's so sensitive. Unbelievable.

Here you are, say hello to Mr. Bucci. Okay.

Uh, who's next?

We are.

WOMAN: Beautiful.

What's the matter, cat got your tongue?

No, uh, he doesn't bite, does he?

No, but I might.

Who would you like me to sign this to?

Cassandra.

You're not the Cassandra I talked to on the phone?

The Cassandra you turned down for Friday night.

Oh, well, hey, that was because I didn't know you.

Now that I know you, is 7:30 okay?

Purr-fect.

-Purr-fect. -Felix,

say hello to Mommy's new friend.

-Hey, hiya, Felix.

It will be just the two of us, right?

Look at all these men.

If I die tomorrow, I'd be happy, especially if I was with one of them.

Okay, you've seen them. Let's go.

I've got to buy a calendar.

Yoo-hoo, Mr. November.

Oh, Angela, there you are. What a nice surprise.

I'm afraid Mr. March hasn't arrived yet.

I'm not interested in Mr. March or any other month.

I'm just here for Jonathan's teeth.

Oh, hi.

Nice kitty.

Big kitty.

He's wonderful with children.

Oh, the matching collars.

It's a nice touch.

Would you like an hors d'oeuvre?

I want one with liver or tuna.

We got cheese.

We don't like cheese.

You'll, you'll have to excuse us, we've got to...

-Get out of here. -Yeah.

Hey, hey, Angela, great party, huh?

Tony, who let that woman out of her cage?

That woman is Cassandra.

The one who called?

Oh, it's a good thing you're not going out with her.

Oh, to tell you the truth...

See you 7:30 Friday.

Tiger.

Oh...

You are going out with that creature?

No, I'm going out with the lady.

Let me help.

Good-bye.

-Tony. -Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah... -Tony.

You hardly know that woman.

What could you two possibly have to talk about?

Oh, come on, Angela. There's a million things to do on a date besides talk.

And I'm looking forward to every one.

Tony, you're letting your hormones run your life.

Someone's gotta take charge.

Why wouldn't he go out with her?

Angela, the woman would make Herb's hair grow back.

Personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Excuse me.

I can't believe that anyone would find that kind of blatant sexuality...

Attractive.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Guss McGee.

Mr. March,

page six.

It's him. It's him.

"Guss is here with happy tidings,

"to install your gutters and aluminum sidings."

Can I sign somebody's calendar?

To Angela.

Angela Katherine Bower.

-A single person. -ANGELA: Shut up.

Thank you.

Great party, Angela.

No, this isn't the party.

The party is around the back and up the stairs.

That sounds kind of complicated. Why don't you show me?

-She'd love to. -No...

You'll find it. Just follow the noise.

-You want to have dinner? -Oh. She'd love to.

Thank you, I've, I've, uh, I've just eaten.

How about Friday night?

I, I couldn't possibly...

Angela, could I talk to you for a minute please?

Excuse us, Guss.

Are you crazy, turning him down?

Don't you know that March goes in like a lion, and out like a lamb?

Wendy, what could I possibly have in common with this man?

Who cares?

I do.

Okay.

Tell me, Guss, do you like the theater?

Yeah, saw Rambo for the fourth time.

I don't suppose you have any interest in ballet?

Modern art?

PBS?

So he's not a Renaissance man. He's gorgeous!

Angela, come on, are we on or what? Hmm?

-Well... -He likes blue!

You like blue!

-Wendy... -Angela, do it for me.

Do it for every married woman in America.

I can't.

What do you mean you can't, Angela?

For once in your life, flow with your juices.

I mean, if Tony can do it,

so can you.

Well, all right.

He does have Paul Newman eyes.

So, uh... Friday night,

8:30? Hmm?

Make it 8:00.

A date with Mr. March, page six.

You are a credit to your gender.

It couldn't have happened to a nicer person without wrecking my marriage.

Do you live your entire life vicariously?

Well, you know Herb.

Angela. Angela, I need some more ice for the party

and did I not see Mr. March just leaving?

See you later, hot stuff.

Bye, Mona.

"Hot stuff"?

Guss wanted to know where the party was, so I merely...

Guss?

I think that was him name.

He wanted to know where the party was so we told him and

he left to go there.

Angela,

a mother always knows when her child isn't telling everything.

I'm not a child anymore, and I don't have to tell you everything.

Oh, Mother, I've made a terrible mistake.

What's the matter, sweetheart?

I accepted a date with a hunk.

My God, we'll have to sell the house and move to another town.

-How about a younger brother? -Mother.

Tony's never gonna let me live this down after the big deal I made

about him dating Sheena, queen of the jungle.

Angela, then you are just going to have to do the adult thing.

Don't tell him.

Deny everything and lie through your teeth.

Oh, I... I couldn't.

I'd never...

I don't think...

Good idea.

Mother. Mother. Mother!

My goodness, well, I can see it's going to be a very casual evening.

♪ Wait a moment wait a moment ♪

Oh.

-Quiet night at home, right, Angela? -Yes.

-Very quiet. -That's good. That's good.

Isn't it about time for you to leave for your date?

Cassandra's picking me up.

-Here? -Yeah, she got a new Cougar.

Hope that's a car.

Oh. It's 7:30.

Uh, what time is she coining?

-Well, I...

Oh, gorgeous, intriguing and punctual.

Oh, what more could I want?

How about human intelligence?

Hi, Cassandra.

Hi, Tony.

Hi.

Well, I bet you two are really hungry.

The restaurants get so crowded on the weekends.

I got reservations. Can I get you a drink?

Oh, yes, there's a darling bar. It's right in the village. It's so...

Angela, Angela, I was thinking of having it here.

Gee!

What would you like? Can I get you a beer, wine, a zombie?

-Do you have any milk? -Milk?

See that, Angela? Milk.

It does a body good.

You sleep with 16 cats?

Mmm.

In a big wicker basket.

How unique.

Oh, look at the time.

-Sixteen? -Mmm.

It's almost 8:00. Shouldn't you be going?

Oh, yeah, you're right. We'll never make our reservation. Come on.

CASSANDRA: Oh, it's raining!

Oh, can't we just wait till it passes?

I hate to get wet.

It makes me feel so icky.

Please?

Well, you know, I hate when my dates feel icky.

-It's just a little sprinkle. It's starting to clear up.

Uh, eh, Cassandra...

You know your nails are sort of piercing my flesh.

Does that mean you want me to stop?

Let's give it a try.

TONY: Hey, Guss!

Hi, Guss. Uh, what are you doing here?

What do we got? We got problems with our gutters?

I don't know. I just came to pick up my date. Hey, Angela.

Angela, am I early?

You and him?

I don't want to hear one more word out of you.

Oh, of course not, not a word,

but what word is it you don't want to hear?

Is it ogle? Is it shallow? Is it driven by hormones?

That's not a word. That's a phrase.

Excuse me, Guss, I have to change.

-I'll only be a minute. -TONY: Ah-ha.

-A minute, huh.

That's what they all say, Guss. We'll see.

Well, here I am.

Hey, my favorite color!

Guss and I have so much in common. Shall we go?

Oh, Angela, it's raining cats and dogs out there.

Oh, I hate that expression.

Hey, I don't believe we've met. I'm Guss McGee.

Mr. March, page six.

Oh, sorry, I never got past February.

Easy, easy, easy.

Angela, I hope you've been taking care of your downspouts.

I beg your pardon?

Your gutters.

Yeah, your gutters can spell big trouble when it's raining.

Oh, yeah, that's a good point, Guss. Good point.

You know they hardly give you any trouble when it's sunny.

Ah, you got me there.

I'm gonna go out and check them for you, all right?

Thank you.

Hey, Angela, how about a brewski, huh?

Coming right up-ski.

Angela, Angela, it's in the kitchen. In the refrigerator.

That's that big white box in the corner there.

-Oh, maybe I'll help you, Angela.

I'll be right back.

that Cassandra and I aren't exactly a match made in heaven.

-Really? -Yes, in fact,

I was even thinking of calling the whole thing off.

-You were? -Yeah.

She's sexy.

Yeah, I know,

but, but there's something about a girl who keeps using your arm as a scratching post.

Well, at least she's not boring.

-No. -I mean, she's

twisted and bizarre and sort of creepy, but she's not boring.

Then there's Mr. March.

BOTH: Page six.

The great communicator.

Well, look, he's a hunk.

Yeah, that's all.

-Tony? -Yeah?

I don't want to go out on this date.

Me either.

I'm scared.

Well, how are we gonna get them out of here?

We can't just throw them out.

Why not? Cassandra would land on her feet.

Oh, my, doesn't that look like fun?

Hey, good news, Cassandra.

-The rain has stopped. - What's that?

Oh, this is Grover. He's my best friend.

He likes you, look.

-You're a dog person. -Yeah.

Well, you know, me and Grover, we go way back.

Oh, Tony.

Dog people and cat people just don't mix.

Oh, I'm so sorry you feel that way, Cassandra, really.

Oh, no. I'm sorry, Tony,

because this would have been a night you would have remembered

for the rest of your life.

That's such a long time.

Oh...

Oh, tough luck, pal.

Angela, those gutters are a disgrace.

You're on.

Guss...

I have to tell you the truth.

Go ahead, tell him.

Although I'm physically attracted to you, that's all there is.

Terrific!

Oh, I just don't think that that's enough to build a relationship on.

Who wants a relationship?

No, Angela, I just thought we could go out and have some fun tonight.

You know, a great dinner, maybe a little dancing,

TONY: Who's the Boss? will be back in a minute. Stick around.

♪ I know one day my dream will... ♪

Oh!

-What a day. -Why, what happened, Mona?

Well, I have been asked to resign as chairperson for the Fairfield Animal Shelter.

You're kidding me, wait a minute, I...

I thought those calendars were selling like beefcakes.

Yeah, they were, and after all my good work with spaying and neutering,

Grover snuck out and got a cocker spaniel in trouble.

Grover, you dirty dog.

Yeah, you, you better wipe that smile off your face.

Bad dog!

You bum, you. I'm shocked. I am shocked.

I'm shocked.

-Was she cute?

Give me some skin.