Original subtitles

♪ There's more to life than what you're livin'

♪ You take a chance and face the wind

♪ An open road and a road that's hidden

♪ A brand new life around the bend

♪ There were times when I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail, and at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up to you my friend

♪ Nights are long but you're on your way

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life around the bend ♪

Woah, ho-ho.

-Harry, that's him. -No, it's not.

I'm telling you, that's him.

You're famous, right?

No.

Yeah, you're that good-looking Italian guy, right?

Well.

Rambo, right?

No. No.

What have I seen you in?

How about rubber gloves and an apron.

I'm a housekeeper.

Why don't we all go?

So long winter coats and mufflers...

Hello tank tops and bikinis.

-Hey. -Oh, uh, listen,

tomorrow we were thinking of taking a ride to the beach

and showing you all our ocean.

-KIDS: Yeah! -Oh, it's

not really ours, but they let us use it.

Hey, Jonathan, look who's here.

Oh, oh! Hi, sweetheart!

Hi Mom!

He probably didn't want to get you wet.

Angela, you know, uh...

since Heather and I are getting married and

settling down and

you know how much fun it's been to have Jonathan with us

and well, you can see how much he likes California.

What are you saying?

He wants custody of Jonathan.

Can you believe the nerve of this guy?

He wants Jonathan to come live here six months out of every year.

No way. No way is he getting custody. No way.

You mean, you're really just a housekeeper?

-Yeah. -Come on Harry. He's nobody.

I told you he wasn't anyone.

Good luck, Harry. Huh.

Can I get you anything else?

Yes.

Bring me the head of Michael Bower.

I'll check with the chef.

Hey, so?

What happened? Did you call your lawyer?

Oh, yes. She called him.

But you think he was there?

-He was in court. -Ha.

And he calls himself a lawyer.

You know, what is it with Michael?

All of the sudden he wants to be a dad so much.

Where was he for the tough times, huh?

When Jonathan was sick or woke up scared at night?

Yeah, and what about the time he fell off the jungle gym

and you had to race him to the hospital.

Wait a minute. That wasn't you.

Oh, that was Kramer vs. Kramer.

If Michael wants to live out some fantasy of his

with a 24-year-old nymphette who's named after a shrub,

that's fine with me.

But he can't have my son.

Excuse me, I've got another dumb meeting.

Michael's in for some fight.

Yeah, I just hope Angela wins.

What?

She's got a good lawyer, right?

Yes Tony, but in a case like this,

lawyers are at a disadvantage.

What do you mean?

Well, they can't fight dirty.

But grandmothers can.

Mona, whatever you're thinking of doing...

I want in.

Ooh, Mona, I mean he's ugly.

Mmm-hmm.

When Heather gets a look at this,

she'll think twice about taking Jonathan.

-Dad. -Ooh.

-Yes, honey. -I've got a problem.

Oh, well, what's the matter, honey? You know

you can always talk to me, right?

-Shoot. -Okay,

well, is it worth it to get a tan on my back?

-What? -Well, I mean

I can get a little tan on both sides

or I could get a super tan on the front, where it shows.

Never mind.

I just answered my own question.

Glad I could help.

- Oh, who is it? -Who is it?

It's me, Heather.

Hey!

I've got to go. There's a lounge chair out there with my name on it.

Okay, Sam.

-Hi, Heather. -Hi.

Come on in.

I've got it.

Jonathan's tuxedo, isn't it adorable?

Look, a tiny little bow tie,

a tiny cummerbund and look,

two tiny little cufflinks!

Aw.

Heather, I have a tiny little idea.

How about you leave my grandson in Connecticut

and I'll buy you a Ken doll to play with?

Mona!

Oh, bad vibes, huh?

It's that custody thing, right?

Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

In fact, Mona and I were just speaking about how brave you are

that you're gonna take Jonathan six months out of every year. Ah...

-Brave? -Ah, yeah, but, don't worry about it.

I mean, Jonathan's a terrific kid.

Yeah, he's not like some kids, you know,

how they're always bringing home stray puppies

and begging you to keep them.

Oh, I hate that in a kid.

But you don't have to worry about that with Jonathan.

He don't bring home no puppies, does he?

No.

He brings home disgusting things.

Slimy things.

-Hairy things.

Hairy things?

Oh and you know what's great?

You don't have to even worry about feeding them, because

he feeds them to each other.

I mean, just since he's been here, he's adopted this.

Oh, look at it.

It's so cute!

Oh, hi there, little fella.

Ohh, hi!

Isn't he cute?

Oh...

-Hey, sweetheart. -Oh, hi, Mom.

Hey, where are you going?

I have to buy a best man magazine.

Oh, well, could use some money?

Sure. Three bucks.

Okay, one, two, three.

They also have candy.

Don't push your luck.

-Bye, Mom. -Bye, darling.

Hey, look who's here.

Michael, this hotel is not big enough for the two of us.

May I have an ice tea?

Oh, come on, Angela, can't we be nice about this?

-Fine. You wanna be nice? -Yeah.

I'll be nice.

I'll come to your wedding.

I'll even buy you a present.

That'd be great. We're registered at Neiman Marcus.

I'm only doing this for Jonathan's sake,

and I don't want him to know anything about this

until the lawyers have settled it.

Oh, Angela, did you have to go and get your lawyer involved?

Yes.

Well, my lawyer says I'll win.

Did your lawyer also tell you what you'd be doing to Jonathan.

Taking him away from school

and friends and everything he's used to.

Yeah, but I'll also be giving him something, me.

Oh, wouldn't you just love to find that in a Cracker Jack box.

Look, Angela.

Look at the facts. A married couple,

versus a single working mother

who leaves her son with a housekeeper all day.

Tony is more than just a housekeeper.

Oh?

He knows more about raising children than you do.

I know plenty about children.

What do you know about children?

I used to be one.

You still are one.

Sticks and stones, Angela.

Oh, Michael, grow up.

Well, so, the best man has to carry the ring

and you also have to make the toast at the wedding.

But they're not having toast.

They're having little quiches.

No, no, no, Jonathan, that's a different kind of toast.

This is when you stand up

-and say something nice about your dad. -Ohh, I see.

Don't worry, sweetheart.

If you can't think of anything, everyone will understand.

But what about the bachelor party?

We need entertainment.

Hey, how about mud wrestling?

Sweetheart, I don't think your father expects you

to throw him a bachelor party.

But I have to. I'm the best man.

I know daddy will want it.

Well, daddy can't always have everything he wants.

But I want to wrestle in mud!

Angela, Angela, wait a minute.

What if, uh... What if I help him with it, huh?

And we'll do it right here.

And we'll make it so wholesome even you could come.

No, you can't. No girls allowed.

Hey, get out of here. We'll keep it clean, Angela.

-All right.

All right, Buddy.

What do you got in mind?

Well, first we need a stag film.

NARRATOR: And as the herd moves south for the winter,

we say goodbye to the Majestic North Elk.

Well, that was some great stag film, right guys?

Hey, hey, it was either this or Debbie Does Dallas.

All right, men, time for the root beer chug-a-lug.

-Hey, Michael. Congratulations. -Thanks, Tony.

You're one lucky guy, huh?

What a life you've got.

You and Heather traveling around the world.

Just you and her.

In the jungle.

In a tent.

In a sleeping bag.

Well, but I guess it's worth giving all that up, huh?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, once Jonathan's in school, you know,

Heather's gonna have to stay with him.

-But, that's no good. -Yeah, well,

I had a feeling you'd see it that way.

We'll have to hire a tutor.

-A what? -A tutor.

Yeah, that'll be great. Listen,

Jonathan will learn more on these trips

than he ever would in any classroom.

-Thanks, Tony. -Okay.

Excuse me, it's time for one of the bachelors to go to bed.

Hey, the party's picking up, guys!

Angela, let him stay up five more minutes

just for the toast, all right, come on, buddy. You're on now.

Okay.

Here's to my dad.

I'm glad he's marrying Heather because I like being with them,

and she has a convertible.

My dad wanted me to be the best man,

but I think he's the best.

And I love him.

I love you, too.

And now for dessert.

Uh, uh, wait a minute, buddy.

We didn't order dessert.

You didn't, but I did.

Bring it in, guys.

ALL: ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

Whee!

-Does that hurt? -Nah.

Not usually.

Do you think I have to shave for the wedding?

Well, let's see.

Nah, maybe not this one.

Maybe yours.

-When I grow up? -Yeah, that's right. When you grow up.

Well, I wish I were grown up now.

Then I wouldn't be so scared.

Wait a minute, will you.

Your telling me your nervous about this wedding?

Hey, well, don't worry about it, Buddy, because everybody gets scared.

Not you, Tony, you're cool.

Well, maybe now I'm cool, but when I was your age...

Hey, let me tell you a story. Come here.

Up you go, hey you, okay.

When I was your age,

I was the second Wise Man in the Christmas school play, okay?

You know, the one with frankincense?

And you were scared?

Well, I wasn't scared. I was petrified.

But you did great, right?

Well, I dropped the frankincense

and I threw up on Baby Jesus.

Boy, was Jonny Drago mad.

He was Baby Jesus.

So, anyway, the moral of the story is that everybody gets scared.

But I figure if you keep your lunch down,

you're two steps ahead of me.

Thanks, Tony. I needed that.

All right, my buddy.

Angela, I need your finger.

Oh.

-Okay. -Here we go.

What'd you get them, Mother?

A wok.

Oh no, that's what I got them.

Ooh, well that's perfect.

Why? They don't need two woks.

No, but I need a wok.

So you put my name on your gift and I'll take this one home.

We're all set.

Why, I sure hope Heather and Michael need a wok.

Sweetheart we're ready to go. Let's go baby.

Let's hit it, let's move it.

SAMANTHA: I'm not going.

What's with her? What happened?

I'm not going out in public like this.

I look like a zebra.

-Look at that. -That's nice.

Go get 'em, baby.

-Hey Sam, it's still kind of warm out... -No!

Sweetheart, you look so handsome.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Just like daddy.

Well, you are his son.

-Mom, are you all right? -Yeah.

I always cry at weddings.

Come on. Let's go find your daddy. He's waiting for you.

Oh.

Well, this is it. You all ready?

Well, I'm kind of scared.

Oh, no, you're not.

You're a Bower.

I'm a scared Bower.

My stomach hurts.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Mommy gives me ginger ale.

Jonathan, I don't have any ginger ale now.

Come on, come on, this is my big moment, now.

I'm counting on you.

Look at him. He's scared to death.

Nah, he'll be fine.

I hope.

Oh, she looks so beautiful.

Ooh, sorry, Angela. Oh, she's a dog.

No she isn't sweetheart.

She is beautiful.

Ah, give her 20 years.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to join together this man and this woman.

Dad, I don't feel good.

Shh.

The state of matrimony is not one to be entered into lightly.

Dad, I mean it.

Jonathan, please.

If any man can show just cause

why these two should not be lawfully joined,

let him speak now or forever hold his peace.

He's tossing his cookies!

Yeah, all over Heather.

Honey!

Jonathan!

Daddy!

Gross.

There.

Now doesn't that ginger ale make everything feel better?

No, I ruined everything.

No you didn't, sweetheart.

Everything's gonna be fine, I promise.

Mom, I threw up on the bride.

Well, honey,

in some countries

that's a tradition.

Does Jonathan throw up like this a lot?

How am I supposed to know?

You're his father.

Don't you know anything about him?

Angela always took care of that kind of thing.

Oh, really?

Didn't she think it was disgusting?

Excuse me, folks.

Could we finish tying the knot?

I have a chili cook-off to bless.

Angela?

In here, Tony.

How's he doing?

He's sleeping quietly now, but

before he was having terrible dreams about

dropping frankincense?

Hey, don't worry about it.

It's a common childhood nightmare.

Let's let him sleep.

I'm really going to miss him.

Angela, we're just going to be in the other room here. Come on.

Tony, I know you don't want to hear this,

but I've decided not to fight.

I'm going to give Michael joint custody.

You're right. I don't want to hear this.

Did you see what I saw tonight?

Yeah, it was great. All over her shoes.

That little boy is so anxious to please his father

that he made himself sick.

All right, all right.

So buy her a new pair of shoes, but keep your son.

Tony, I've made up my mind.

Oh yeah, well did you think what it would be like

around the house without Jonathan?

I'll miss him.

We'll miss him.

But isn't that a selfish reason

to keep a boy away from his father?

Selfish is good if it's for the right reasons.

Jonathan loves Michael.

Hey, ho, Jonathan loves you too.

-Michael. -Hi.

Is Jonathan feeling better?

Yeah, he's sleeping. How's Heather?

Well, she's barefoot and married.

Congratulations.

Listen, Angela, I'd like to talk to you about Jonathan.

-Me too. -Angela...

All right, all right, all right, all right, but I ain't gonna watch.

I'm gonna go hang up Jonathan's jacket.

Angela, Heather and I talked about it and...

Well, I just don't think that we're ready to be full-time parents.

Even on a part-time basis.

You mean you're not going to take him?

I thought you were going to hang up a jacket.

I did. It didn't take long.

You don't want custody?

Listen, Angela, Jonathan's a wonderful boy and...

Well, you've done a great job with him.

You bet she is.

But, well, Heather and I just got married, and...

I think we need some time to be alone together.

In a tent.

In a sleeping bag.

So...

I gotta be going.

I've got a bride waiting downstairs.

Goodbye, Angela.

-Bye, Michael.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

-We got him. -We got him!

What's going on?

Nothing, sweetheart.

Absolutely nothing!

Is she all right?

Ah...

TONY: Who's The Boss? will be back in a moment.

Stick around.

Do you come here often?

I'm with my mother.

Do you think she'd mind if we danced?

Well, she's at the bar.

Oh, come on.

You know, I can't understand Michael.

I mean, he's got the chance to spend the rest of his life

with a great kid like Jonathan and he walks away.

I mean, he should have every lawyer in the country fighting you on this.

Don't tell him that.

Ah, what do you expect?

I mean, of course he's going to walk away from Jonathan.

He was dumb enough to walk away from you.