All language subtitles for Vampires Suck-English

What would you do
to save someone you love?

For Edward,
I would stop at nothing.

What is he doing?

Hey, party in the fountain!

Edward!
Yoo-hoo!

Edward! Edward!

Edward!

Edward? Where?

Oh, my God! There he is!
Edward, we love you, you're the best!

No, Jacob's the best!

He's exposing himself!

No! No.

Edward!

Let me start
from the beginning.

I used to live
with my mom in Nevada.

But now she's always
on the road,

because she started
doing some pro golfer.

So, I came here to the foggy town
of Sporks, Washington.

Population: 3,120.

Holy shit!

Make that 3,119.

Anyway, I came here
to live with my dad, Frank.

He's the town sheriff.

I haven't seen you in a while.
Your hair's longer.

I grew it out.

I guess it's hard for me to accept
my little girl's growing up.

I mean, look at the size
of those tits.

Dad!

What?

I feel so lonely

Nobody gets me

I am so unhappy

Why can't I find

a cool alternative boyfriend?

There is something
strange about this town.

I couldn't put
my finger on it.

I used to live here
when I was younger.

But I haven't been
back in a long time.

I kept your room
just as you left it.

Great.

Remember your hamster,
Herman?

Might have missed
a couple of feedings.

You could play
with your dollies.

I don't think so.

What's that?

Oh, that's a special edition
feel-real dolly.

I warm it up in the tub first
so it's not creepy.

It's been lonely
since your mom left.

Oh, hey.

You wanna come downstairs?
Some people are excited to see you.

Who wants their pacie?

Good girl.

Dad, I'm a teenager.

Right.

I guess I'd better get you
some new stuff then.

Frank didn't get me.
I wasn't his little girl anymore.

Becca, you remember
Bobby White.

Yeah.

You're looking good.

Good? I'm in a wheelchair.

I can't feel anything
below my waist.

You know what's
below my waist?

My penis!

Sorry.

We're all glad you're here,
especially your dad.

He wouldn't
shut up about you.

Careful there, Bob,
I'm gonna roll you down the hill.

Oh, boy, I'm real scared.
Bring it on.

Boy, here we go!

You're in trouble
there, mister!

Hi. I'm Jacob.

Hi.

We used to make
mud pies together.

Play doctor?

Oh, right, right.

I remember now.

I gave you a prostate exam.

So, are we going to be
at the same school?

I go to school
on the reservation.

It must be fun to drink
and gamble all day.

Too bad we're not
gonna be at school together.

It'd be nice to know
at least one person.

Got you a welcome
home present.

What do you think?

I think that you're trying to buy
my affection with that piece-of-shit truck

to make up for the years that
you neglected me as a father.

Told you she'd like it.

That's great.

I fixed up
the engine myself.

Thanks, Jacob.

Go ahead, hop in.

Okay. So you gotta pump
the gas to start her up.

Damn fleas.

Jacob, your foot.

Ever since puberty, I've been
feeling a little different.

Excuse me.
I gotta take a leak.

I guess my body is just
going through some changes.

Cat!

Come here, cat!

Come here!

Transferring to a school that's
already in session.

Being the new kid
is never easy.

Nice clothes. Still shopping
in the boys' section?

Give her a break. That's what I used
to wear when I was a virgin.

Where'd you get that haircut,
"Fantastic Lesbians"?

Hey, new kid!

Hi, I'm Derric.

I'm Becca.

I'm the eyes and ears
of this place.

I can hook you up
with anything you need.

Cheat sheets, human growth hormone,
harvested organs.

No, thanks.

Oh, I get it.

You're one of
those antisocial,

long-suffering
loner types.

Actually, I'm more of the humorless type.
Kind of a sourpuss, really.

Full of insecurities,
with no great personality,

yet every hot guy
finds me irresistible.

You must be Becca.
I'm Rick.

Damn, girl, you seem
really boring and frigid.

You want to go to
the prom with me?

See?

I'm Jennifer,
future prom queen.

I'm gonna pretend to be your BFF,
but if you touch Rick's wang,

I'll cut you.

Who are they?

Oh! Those are the Sullens.

They're, like,
all adopted by Dr. Carlton,

so they're not
biologically-related,

but they're really,
really close.

They moved here
a few years ago,

and they're, like,
super-weird.

It's a total mystery.

Their skin is ice-cold,
they feed on human flesh,

and they all
sleep in coffins.

Maybe they're Canadian.

And who's that?

Snooki, JWOWW, DJ Pauly D...
No.

Not the douchebags
from the Jersey Shore.

Him.

The really pale dude with big hair
and constipated look.

Edward Sullen.

He's a complete hottie.

But, evidently,
no one here is worthy.

He wouldn't even accept me
as his Facebook friend.

"Favorite activity.

"Searching for a soul which has been cast
into eternal damnation"?

But I don't care about Edward.

I've got another guy
on the side. Yeah.

Sadly, he went off to fight in
Iraq for a year.

But we write to each other all the time.
His name is John.

"Dear John,
two weeks together.

"That's all it took
to fall in love with you.

"And in those two weeks, you did things to me
no guy had ever done before.

"I just hope I'm able
to poop again soon."

Are you, like,
even listening?

Oh! You guys are having,
like, an instant connection.

How can you tell?

Duh. Hardwicke 101?

You're both staring
at each other in slow motion,

which although
cheesy and obvious,

it underscores your
respective yearnings.

Right.

Ah! Becca.

Why don't you take the empty seat
next to that mysterious boy

you're destined to have a fatalistic
relationship with

that will spawn four books
and a movie franchise?

Do I smell?

Yeah. Like tuna.

Lunch.

I'm Becca.

I'm Edward.

So you're new to Sporks.

How do you like
the weather?

I don't like cold,
wet things.

So you must
hate Slurpees.

I'm just trying
to figure you out.

All right, class.
Turn to page 63 in your books.

This is biology. Why are we reading
The Vampire Diaries?

In the '80s,
coke was all the rage.

The '90s, grunge.

Now it's the era
of vampires.

It's just super-trendy.

That's amazing.

Hi.

Why aren't you
wearing a shirt?

I work part-time at
Abercrombie & Fitch.

It's always the same
inane questions.

"Who are you?"
"Why are you doing this?"

"Does the carpet
match the drapes?"

Yeah.
Oh, that's hot.

I got a serious
case of the munchies.

And I think you know
what I need to eat.

Cheetos?

Oh, hell, yeah.

Thanks, dawg.
You a'ight with me.

Antoine?
What?

The killing.

Right. My fault.

You know who we are,
don't you?

Yes.

You're the
Black Eyed Peas!

Come on. Not again.

Why does everyone always think we're
the Black Eyed Peas?

I mean, her, I get. I get it.
She looks just like Fergie.

And he looks
like Will.i.am,

but, Jesus Christ, they don't even have
a white guy in their band!

He hit me!
That's right!

Mixed martial arts,
Tae Bo,

and Yogalates
created this!

How you like that,
pretty boy? Huh?

Get him off me!
Get him off me!

Now the elbow!

Son of a bitch!

I am not afraid of you!

You should be.

Damn that overwrought
unrequited teenage love.

I couldn't stop
thinking about Edward Sullen.

Amazing dexterity.

He can't be human.

Meanwhile, uptown, Blair
was getting cozy with Nate,

who was secretly
crushing on Serena.

Excuse me, but you're
interrupting my narration.

Oh, shit!
Wrong show!

X-O-X-O, Gossip Girl.

Becca!
Jacob.

I heard about the accident.
Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I got you these.

Thanks, Jacob.
You're so sweet and thoughtful.

Any girl would be
lucky to have you.

Just not me, of course.
You're like my little gay brother.

I heard you were hanging out with
Edward Sullen.

Stay away from him. There's just
something really odd about that guy.

Becca!

I'd better go.

Hey, sweetheart.
There you are.

There was a killing today.

Fisherman Sculley,
by the docks.

The blood was drained
from his body

and he had multiple bite wounds
all over his neck.

You know what
that means?

The Kardashians
are in town.

Here.

I want you
to have this.

Mace?
You're my little girl,

and there's a killer on the loose.

I'm not gonna leave until I know
you can protect yourself.

Now, I'm going to come at you,
and I want you to mace me.

Dad...
Honey, I've been trained for this, okay?

Here I come.

Good God!

God damn it!

It's so painful! It burns!

Sorry, Dad.
No! I'm proud of you.

Are you okay?

Mace will only temporarily
stop your attacker.

You have to hit a man
where he breathes, Becca.

You got the franks and beans there.
Good for you.

But I'm still coming at you.

Rip off the moustache, Sweetheart.

But you love your moustache.

If anything happened to you,
I could not live with myself.

Do it! Do it! Do it!

You're good to go.

Edward?

Am I dreaming?

Right.
You're dreaming.

So you're not
really here?

Exactly.

Go back to sleep.

Yeah.

Got to...

Got to TiVo
Wizards of Waverly Place.

Patron! Mario Lopez!

Becca, you're
sleepwalking.

Hey, you're sleepwalking.

Just you breathing is the greatest gift
you could give me.

I started to wonder,
maybe I wasn't dreaming after all.

I had to figure out the riddle.
Who was Edward Sullen?

Was he human, or something
different entirely?

Oh, snap!

He dropped his business card!

Good morning,
Sporks High students!

Tickets are now
on sale for prom.

And after school today, don't forget to visit
the quad for the blood drive

generously sponsored
by the Sullen family.

Prom! Come to prom!
Prom's almost here! Prom!

Here! Get your
flyer for prom.

Check it out.

We finally got a theme.
It's gonna be awesome.

The theme is vampires?

We just came up
with it randomly!

Cool, huh?

It's gonna be like the festival of
St. Salvatore,

like the one they have
in Italy every year

that celebrates
the killing of vampires.

And we're renting out
a huge stone courtyard.

It's gonna feel just like
we're in the 15th century.

It should be super fun.
Lots of red capes, blood and binge drinking!

You in?

I don't know.
Prom's really not my thing.

Well, it's my thing.
I mean, really, Becca, what is with you?

Prom is, like, the pivotal moment
in any girl's life.

I've only been dreaming about being
crowned prom queen

since I was a sperm
in my dad's balls.

We need to talk.

Your skin is pale white.

You dress fashionably.
And you abstain from sex.

I know what you are.

Say it.

Out loud. Say it.

Jonas brother.

That's right.

Wait, what?

No, I'm a vampire. Duh.

That was my next guess.

Then ask yourself
the most obvious question.

What do we like to eat?

Vampire cereal?

You need to see what
I really look like.

This is why we don't
show ourselves in the sunlight.

People would know
we're different.

You're shining.

No, that's just my bling.

You don't get it.
I am a killer!

Are you texting?
Yeah, Jennifer.

I am the world's most
dangerous predator.

I want to eat you!

That's cool.

Most guys aren't into that.

My family, we're not
like other vampires.

We can control our thirst
to only hunt animals

and the Real Housewives
of Atlanta.

But I don't know if I can control
myself around you.

Look, Ed.

I don't like to play games, so

I'm just gonna lay
my cards on the table.

I really like you.

I dig the Eurotrash
heroin-chic look.

You're totally happening,

and I wanna be with you.

I can read everybody's minds
but yours.

You have to tell me exactly
what you're thinking.

You're pretty,

so you don't
have to be smart.

Would you like to go
to the prom with me?

Yes.

That's awesome.

There were three things
I was absolutely positive about.

First, Edward was a vampire.

Second, American Idol
is gonna blow without Simon.

And third, the next time
I saw Edward,

I was gonna hump
the shit out of him and...

Oh, gosh, you scared me.

There is something
that I wanted to try.

Me, too.
I love role-playing.

That's not what I meant.

Don't move.

Kiss me already.
I know it'll be okay.

That was amazing.
I've never gone to first base before.

Now let's go
all the way.

Purity ring.
Yeah.

I won't be able
to resist my urges

to kill you!

I don't mind.
What?

Oh, God!

Becca, no!

Oh, yeah?
I like it rough.

Stay away from me.

No, please, please, Don't come any closer!
This is for your own safety.

I'm trying to protect you.

Becca?

Becca?

If this is going to work, we're gonna
have to take things slow.

I guess that's okay.

Even though my teen
hormones are raging

and I want to
have sex with you,

I feel conflicted
about losing my virginity.

I know you'll never have sex with me,
because you're a vampire,

so, really, it's the ultimate
pubescent girl fantasy.

That was
incredibly insightful.

I read it on Stephenie Meyer's
Twitter page.

Becca, I promise, as long as
you're with me, you'll never get hurt.

Starting now.

Shit!

Well, I think we all know whatever
killed Fisherman Sculley was no animal.

Look at those tracks.

It could only mean
one thing.

Canadians.

Damn border-jumpers.

They come here and take all the shitty jobs
us lazy Americans don't want,

and now they're killing
our fishermen, too.

Yeah, Frank, I think you're
missing the big picture.

That is a big picture.

It was my 18th birthday,

and the Sullens were
throwing me a party.

Well, this is home.

Hey.

There is no reason
to be nervous.

Well, I'm different
than you.

They might not accept me.

It's like the time when my
ex-boyfriend, DeShawn,

invited me to his grandmama's house
to celebrate Kwanzaa.

Dandelion, come where
the sunshine shines

When you clock that second
And your heart starts ticking

May it land on mine

If we make it to space
I'll meet you

Oh, my dandelion

I want you
to meet my family.

You must be Becca.
I'm Edward's mom, Eden.

We've heard so much
about you.

Finger food?

That's Alex and Rosalyn.

I just know we're going
to be great, great friends.

And this is Iris.

I hope we will be.

No, she already knows
it will happen.

Some of us have
special powers.

Iris has visions
of the future.

But I'm not on my period.

You will be.
It's coming early this month.

Relax, Becca.

We're just like any other
normal American family.

Except, of course,
we have no souls,

and we walk the earth
trying to satisfy

an unquenchable
thirst for blood.

I'm Jeremiah.

He's new to the family.

He's still trying to control
his hunger for humans.

Look, I don't want to cause any problems.
Maybe I should go.

But you have to
open your presents.

Paper cut.

You're bleeding.

Really bad, actually.
I must have hit an artery.

Becca, your nose!

I knew I shouldn't have partied
last night with Lindsay Lohan.

Every time I bring a girl home,
you guys try to eat her!

It's not fair!
Come on!

Someone here
order Chinese food?

Quick, they'll be hungry again
in half an hour.

What happened back there
can never happen again.

I now know, as long as I'm around you
you'll never be safe.

That's why I want you to bite me,
and turn me into a vampire.

No.

I keep aging and
you stay the same.

I'm 18 now.
I'm practically a cougar.

I just...

I couldn't live with myself
if I turned you into a vampire.

You're always sexy and healthy,
and super good-looking,

with tons of free time
and money to travel the world.

It's a lot like being
George Clooney.

Strangely, the only thing that does
keep aging is your ass.

It gets pretty
wrinkly over time.

You'll never see me again.

Just promise me that you won't do
anything reckless.

Okay. I promise
I won't date Chris Brown.

Farewell.

Edward?

Edward! Edward!

Edward!

You're just gonna leave me
here alone in woods

in an area filled with vampires
who want to eat me?

Looks like Edward
left us a treat.

Great. This is exactly
what I was talking about.

Take that!

I came here to
help you, bitch!

Sorry.

There's nowhere
else to run.

Your beloved Edward
isn't here to save you.

Come on, Jack.
Where's the bro code, huh?

You know you don't try
to eat someone's girlfriend

right after they
break up with them.

Kardashians.

Jack, no!

Let's go!

Becca.

I'm going to have to suck
the venom out of you.

This is going to
be tough for me

because the taste of your blood
could send me into a frenzy.

But on the other hand...

Just do it already!

Okay, Edward,

I think you got
all the venom out.

You can stop now.

And just like that,
Edward was gone.

I just couldn't get over him.
Why did he have to leave me?

And the rain is pouring down

And the tears are falling
But they never make...

Time passed,

but my yearning for Edward
never subsided.

Everyone reminded me of him.

I couldn't get
Edward out of my mind.

No matter where I looked.

No matter what I saw.

Without Edward, my life was over.
I felt like dying.

And every night,
I had nightmares

that would make me scream
really, really loud.

Becca. Becca. Becca.
Becca! Becca! Becca!

You're so upset.

Let me check
your levels.

Oh. That's not good.

You've got more angst than
The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

You know, honey, I'm not real good at the
whole parenting thing.

But I do know that
breakups are hard.

Especially when
you're dumped by someone

as handsome
and hunky as Edward.

That boy can really
fill out a pair of pants.

I'm like, "Mmm! Look at that!
Look at that!"

Yeah.

And let's face it, honey.
You're no looker. And you twitch a lot.

It's kind of irritating.

That's for sure the best piece
of ass you'll ever get.

My advice,

get yourself some of
those big, juicy onion-butt implants.

Fix your hair up
pretty like Beyonc�

and, who knows, honey, maybe
a black guy will do you.

That's my girl.

Your friend Jennifer keeps calling.
You should hang out with her.

Probably cheer you up.

I want you to say good night
to your new mommy.

Good night, Becca.
I love you. I love you.

She really does.

Well, we're gonna get busy.
Good night, sweetheart.

I don't get it. Why would anyone want
to date a vampire? Lame.

Yeah. So lame.

That movie's
totally going to flop.

I can't believe they get married
and have a vampire baby.

Thanks for the spoiler alert,
dumbshit!

It's too bad Edward
dumped you

and now you don't have
a date for the prom.

'Cause that dress would have looked
great on you.

But you don't need a dress,

because Edward left you behind
in the woods like bear shit.

So I'm going
to wear it instead!

And check this out. Everyone's going to be,
like, super jealous.

Couldn't you just die?

No.

But you can.

Well, this is me.
Where are you parked?

Uh...

Over there.

Right next to those mean
and scary biker dudes?

See you at school tomorrow!

Hey, baby! Come over here!
You can sit on my bike.

Becca. Those guys
are dangerous. Walk away.

Edward?

Shit. Those guys
are dangerous.

Told you.

This is your brake.
And this is your throttle.

Jacob, there's...

There's something different about you.
I don't know what it is.

I've been meaning to tell you.
I'm a man now, Becca.

Are you telling me that...
That's right.

I've had my bar mitzvah.

Mazel tov!

So will you date me now?

Say again?
I couldn't hear you.

Right.

Will you go on a date with... No, no.
What?

Maybe if you'd stop
revving the bike

whenever I'm about to ask you something
really important, you'd hear me.

Right. Sorry.

Thank you.

Becca, I wanted to ask
if you would just...

Oh, come on!

Becca, will you go
on a date with me?

Sorry, but I don't like
to be yelled at, Jacob.

I think I'll just take her for a spin.
Just one thing first.

Becca, you just
cut the brake line!

Becca, stop.
You're going to hurt yourself.

Hey, Eddy
Well, I know it might seem petty

But I can't stop
obsessing over you

Put down that guitar
and stop singing like Taylor Swift.

If this is what it takes to be with you,
Edward, so be it.

Becca! Don't drink that milk.

You know you're lactose intolerant.

This is for you, Edward.

Oh, God.

Sorry. But I did
try to warn you.

Becca!

Are you trying to get
yourself killed?

Uh-huh.

You're bleeding. Here.

Your body is so...

...furry.

Are those teats?

Yeah, 10 of them, actually.

I'd better go
get you some help.

That was fast.

You are so scrumptious.

No!

Be happy it was me
that found you and not Rachel.

Why? What happened
to Rachel?

She was...

...recast.

She wants to torture you
for what you did to Jack.

At least I will
eat you fast.

Becca!
Jacob, run!

That's it?
A Chihuahua?

Yeah, I guess so.
This whole transformation thing is new to me.

You can't stop me.
You're no werewolf.

That's why I always
travel in a pack.

It's raining men

Hallelujah
It's raining men

Amen

I'm gonna go out
I'm gonna let myself get

Absolutely soaking wet

It's raining men

Hallelujah
It's raining men

Amen

It's raining men, yeah

Please.

Get him, girls!

Hey.

Sign this?

Now, let's get you home.

You'll be all right now.
I know it's worked!

Why can't they
just be together?

There you are!
I've been looking everywhere for you.

You look like shit.

What do you want?

Look, we're all sorry we tried to
drink Becca's blood, even Jeremiah.

But something terrible
has happened to her.

Becca who?
I am totally over her.

I've moved on. I am done
with normal chicks.

I've finally found
someone as freaky as me.

My first wish
Turn the music up as loud as it gets

My second wish
Me and the girls are in the hottest outfits

My third wish

Too freaky?

Edward, I had a vision!
Becca was riding a motorcycle.

She tried to kill herself.

I fear Becca may be dead.

No.

I've got to find out.

How do you feel?
It's Edward, isn't it?

Here.

Why did you just
take off your shirt?

My contract says I have to
every 10 minutes of screen time.

Hmm.

Look, Edward left you.

But I would never do that.
I want to take it out of the friend zone.

I really like you, Becca.

I like you, too.

When I'm with you,
I just feel so safe and secure.

Thanks.

As opposed to how
I feel about Edward,

which is all passion,
lust, complete forbidden fruit stuff.

I mean, with him,
it's all about my pussy.

Okay!

Do you mind getting that?

Sure.

Hello.

Officer Crane?

No, he's not
here right now.

Where is he? It is very important
that I speak with him.

He's at the funeral.

Oh, God, no.
Yeah.

And supposedly,
the body was so mangled

that the undertaker
had to use Krazy Glue

to stick the head back on and put marbles
where the eyes once were.

Hello? Hello?

It's true.

Becca's dead.

Edward, I'm so sorry.

I can't live without her.

Goodbye, Iris.
I'm going to kill myself.

I just had another
vision about Becca!

Becca's fine. You don't have to
kill yourself anymore.

Edward!

Shit.

Prom rocks!

I love drinking!

What's the matter, Becca?
Still no date for the prom?

Loser!

Here, have a drink, bitch!

She promised me sex tonight!
High point of my life!

Becca! Get in the car, now!

What's wrong?
Edward thinks you're dead.

Why would he think that?

Beats me.

He won't live without you
and he wants to die.

He's such a romantic.

Becca!
Jacob?

Becca, don't go.
You belong with me.

I need to know, who's it going to be?
Is it going to be me or him?

Jacob, I...

I'm not gonna take
no for an answer.

I'm not going to let go
until you tell me, once and for all.

All right!
Jacob, I'll tell you.

I choose...

Cat!

Come back here, pussy!

Edward is going to the Zolturi
to have them kill him.

I saw it. I had a vision.

What are you talking about?
Who are the Zolturi?

They are the evil bloodsuckers who
only care about themselves

and their own narrow
vision of the world.

They're kind of
like Fox News.

Oh, my God.

Edward's going to expose himself
in the sunlight,

and the Zolturi
are going to kill him.

They can't allow humans to know
vampires live among them.

It could destroy us.

Okay, where is this
going to happen?

At the prom.

The Zolturi never miss a good
St. Salvatore Day festival.

They flew all the way
in from Italy.

Say what you want about them,
but they do know how to party.

Suck! Suck! Suck!
Suck! Suck! Suck!

Oh! I got skills, bitch.

Welcome, Sporks High students,
to the 2010 prom.

And don't forget, the main event is
coming up shortly.

The crowning of your
prom king and queen.

And if you haven't had
a chance to vote yet,

don't worry,
there's still time.

Just to be sure.

Becca, you're the only one
that can stop Edward.

You have to show him
you're still alive.

I'll do whatever it takes.

So, what would you do
to save someone you love?

For Edward,
I would stop at nothing.

You already saw this part,
so let's get to what happens next.

No!

Edward!

Shit!

Edward!

Edward, it's not sunny
anymore. It's twilight.

Hey, new moon.

Ah! Eclipse?

Look at me, everyone!

This is me
in all my glory.

Lucky penny.

Edward!

Becca? You're alive?

We have to go now.

Becca, I am so sorry.

I promise you that I will never
leave you again.

The Zolturi are standing
right behind me, aren't they?

Yep.
Don't worry, Becca.

Not talking
smack now, are we?

Stop it!
"Stop it!"

You're killing him!
"You're killing him!"

And we haven't
even had sex yet.

"And we haven't
even had sex..."

Really?

Even...

Becca. Becca.

Oh! Dad.

There you are.
I was worried about my little girl.

You know, there's still
a killer on the loose.

But I can see you're dancing
with your friends, so everything's all right.

Dad, no...

No, Frank, wait.

You have to know the truth.

All of the killing
was done by vampires.

Edward's one, also.

And Bobby White's a werewolf.

Sorry.

I understand.
Thank God.

The theme of the prom!

No, Dad.

Enjoy, okay?

Becca, by the way,
thanks for everything.

All through the night

Too close. Separate,
arms length apart.

Too close. Separate,
arms length apart.

Too close. Separate!
Arms length apart!

Say cheese.

Say cheese.

What...

...the hell?

Where's Becca?

Surrender now, or Salvatore will snap
her neck like a Slim Jim.

You must pay for
exposing yourself.

Tell you what I'm going to do,
Ed-to-the-ward.

I won't kill you.
But Becca has to become a vampire.

Cool?

No, not cool.
No way! Never!

All right.
Pull Edward's head off,

then rip his body apart
and set him on fire.

No, no, no. I mean, yes!
I meant yes!

Of course, she would love to
become a vampire.

She practically brings it up
all the time. Right, hon?

Uh, I guess so.

Then bite her now!

Bite!

Listen up, people!
May I have your attention?

And now the moment
you've all been waiting for.

And this year's Sporks High prom king
and prom queen is...

...Jennifer and Rick!

Triumph for the Rick!

Congratulations.

Thank you!
Yeah!

Hold on!

It seems you two received
over 69,000 votes

in a class of only 300.

I'm afraid you're disqualified.

What?

God! You asswipe!

My life is over!

As your principal, I will nominate a new
prom king and queen.

And I will pick...
I will... Let me see.

I will choose...

I pick you two!

Us?
Yes!

Because you two exemplify
what's best about this whole prom.

I mean, you really look
like a couple of mean,

evil bloodsucking vampires.

Oh, my God!
We won! We won!

Yes, yes, yes!

Move. Out of the way.

Edward!

Bite. Bite.

Do it.

Bite me now.

I don't want to wait
a second longer.

I will only turn you
into a vampire on one condition.

Marry me.

Yes.

Are you ready?

How do you feel?

Perfect.

It's how I always imagined.

I love you, Becca...

Team Jacob, bitch!

Fuck me.