All language subtitles for Benny Hill - s02e02

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (SoranĂ®)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:38,790 That will surely be a catastrophe. 2 00:00:40,239 --> 00:00:43,700 But what a typical English sailor boy you are, to be sure. 3 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,800 Splash the men, please. 4 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,080 What'll it be then, gents? 5 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,580 Bitter? One bitter coming up. 6 00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:54,720 Nine! Nine bitters coming up. 7 00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:59,220 Give us a kiss and show us your knickers. 8 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:00,520 Say what? 9 00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:07,060 Being typical British servicemen, we shall have a typical British drink. We 10 00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,060 have a swipe. 11 00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:09,290 Two martinis. 12 00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:11,170 Dry? Nein, dry. 13 00:01:11,510 --> 00:01:12,590 I mean, no, two. 14 00:01:13,150 --> 00:01:14,650 Just two martinis. 15 00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:18,410 I see we've got that big fat pig going on a run, ain't we, eh? 16 00:01:18,770 --> 00:01:19,770 Fat pig. 17 00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,550 Great fat pig. 18 00:01:21,970 --> 00:01:24,610 I've got more brains than him. I'm only half his size. 19 00:01:25,010 --> 00:01:26,010 I beg your pardon? 20 00:01:51,370 --> 00:01:54,250 It's construed what I'm about to say to you, but I'm going to tell you about the 21 00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:55,350 women in my life. 22 00:01:55,870 --> 00:01:59,050 Now, I know some gals are real refined, but they always tend to get the other 23 00:01:59,050 --> 00:02:01,590 kind, and maybe that's why I've never found a wife. 24 00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:05,650 Now, I used to know a gal in Crewe. She was five foot two. She had eyes of blue, 25 00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:07,850 and she told me that her name was Lottie. 26 00:02:08,350 --> 00:02:12,070 But I think she was funny in the head. She used to sleep underneath the bed. 27 00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:14,150 parents thought she was a little potty. 28 00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:18,270 I kind of liked the way she smiled, so I went around with her for a while, and I 29 00:02:18,270 --> 00:02:20,110 kind of thought of her as my bride -to -be. 30 00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:24,770 Hey, you're the one gal in my life I'd like to have you for my wife. She said, 31 00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:26,390 now what would your wife do with me? 32 00:02:27,130 --> 00:02:32,330 Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women. Those wild, wild women around. 33 00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:39,010 Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women. And never let them take you down. 34 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,990 Now one day I met a movie star. She's just getting out of a Rolls Royce car. 35 00:02:43,190 --> 00:02:45,150 She's all covered in diamonds and mink. 36 00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:49,810 gal with money, and this one, she was a real honey. I said, maybe one day you 37 00:02:49,810 --> 00:02:51,090 and I could have a little drink. 38 00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:55,430 She said, you're just my kind of man. She stuck a phone number in my hand. She 39 00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:57,470 said, call me up next time that you're in town. 40 00:02:57,890 --> 00:03:01,830 I said, is this your penthouse? She said, no, fish and chip shop down below, 41 00:03:01,830 --> 00:03:03,690 you just call me up and they'll call me down. 42 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,870 Now, I was in a Chelsea bar one day. There's a chap stood about 10 feet away. 43 00:03:07,870 --> 00:03:09,450 was both admiring a girl about 21. 44 00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:13,590 I said, you just can't help but stare at the cute little chick with the long 45 00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:15,990 blonde hair. He said, that chick just happens to be my son. 46 00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:20,760 I said, I didn't mean to offend you. You must let me make amends. At least let 47 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,280 me buy you another rum. 48 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,760 I said, you must think me an awful cat. I didn't know you was his dad. He said, 49 00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:28,520 I'm not your twit. I'm his mom. 50 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:52,940 It's a nice hat, isn't it? 51 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,540 It's got the little selfridges in the restaurant. 52 00:03:56,860 --> 00:04:01,040 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show, and it's nice to welcome back my 53 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:05,380 friend Nicholas Parsons, and here he is talking to the children of St. Solomon's 54 00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:07,840 School. And what are you drawing? 55 00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:09,680 I'm going to do a picture. 56 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,120 Oh, 57 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:13,120 dear God. 58 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,019 Oh, dear God. Oh, dear God. 59 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:22,780 Billy at the tuck shop gave him all little girl chocolate dollies and he 60 00:04:22,780 --> 00:04:24,440 boy chocolate dollies. 61 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,760 There isn't that much difference, is there? 62 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:28,880 Oh, how much is a girl's chocolate? 63 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,740 He said, no, but there's that much more chocolate. 64 00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:37,760 He's silly. I know he's my brother, but he's still silly. 65 00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:42,880 I sleep by myself. I'm not afraid to sleep by myself, but he is. 66 00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:45,020 And so is Mummy. 67 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:50,500 Yes, she is. Because when Daddy goes away for the weekend, Mummy always has 68 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,080 have Uncle Percy come and see me. 69 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,020 He's not my real uncle. What? 70 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:03,000 What did you say? 71 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:08,060 I'm not sure, but it's something about modern permissive trends upsetting the 72 00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:13,380 fabric of present -day society. I told you he was silly, didn't I? He was 73 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,740 I've nearly finished now. 74 00:05:15,070 --> 00:05:17,510 What's it going to be? It's going to be a picture of God. 75 00:05:18,930 --> 00:05:23,110 I know maybe it knows what God looks like, but I haven't finished my picture 76 00:05:23,110 --> 00:05:24,550 yet, have I? Oh, shut up. 77 00:05:25,810 --> 00:05:27,150 Come, mother, do help. 78 00:05:27,430 --> 00:05:28,890 Oh, look, leaves. 79 00:05:31,310 --> 00:05:32,310 Well, 80 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:40,730 today we're letting them paint anything they like and... He appears 81 00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:41,730 a lady. 82 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,060 She have no clothes on. 83 00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:48,620 She have no dress. 84 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,360 She have no shoes. 85 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,220 No stockings. 86 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,320 No knickers. 87 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,960 She is a naked lady. 88 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:06,300 And the gentleman, he is a naked too. 89 00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:09,460 The gentleman is very fond of the lady. 90 00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:12,780 What is your name? 91 00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:22,320 We have to draw what we want to be when we're grown up. 92 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,240 She wants to be married, but she don't know how to draw it. 93 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:31,520 I do. It's all like fighting and screaming and kicking and shooting and 94 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,100 babies. And I know. 95 00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:34,879 You never. 96 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,900 I do know, because me dad said to me, do you want to have a little baby brother 97 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,500 or would you like to have a little baby sister? 98 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:41,820 And what did you say? 99 00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:45,110 I said, if it wouldn't put me ma 'am to too much trouble, I'd like a pony. 100 00:06:47,070 --> 00:06:50,450 And he said, no, it's the stock, and it's going to come flying round our 101 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:53,210 It's going to fly in round and round. It's going to fly right in the window of 102 00:06:53,210 --> 00:06:57,030 me ma 'am's bedroom there. And I said, I hope it don't upset me ma 'am, because 103 00:06:57,030 --> 00:06:58,150 she's in the family way. 104 00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:02,670 What do you want to be when you grow up? I'm going to be a boxer. 105 00:07:03,130 --> 00:07:06,230 I know about fighting. You can't. I know about fighting, I do. 106 00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:11,310 I do. I beat Ginger Tompkins, and I had Lofty Bat on the floor at the 107 00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:13,140 playground. And she's in the big girls. 108 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:18,540 My dad, he wants me to become a prime minister, but I don't want to do that, 109 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:23,620 because I don't want to go sailing the boat all the time. I should be sitting 110 00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:25,680 the deck, and I should be sitting on the floor. 111 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:39,960 We're trespassing, you know. 112 00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:44,720 Water bailiff, he said so, and he don't think of his trespassers, not him, once 113 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:45,720 he caught me with me rod. 114 00:07:45,980 --> 00:07:48,300 He said, you dirty, rotten, sloppy clod. 115 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,940 He said, you're fishing. I said, no, I'm teaching the worm to swim. 116 00:07:55,180 --> 00:07:58,800 He said, I've told you twice before, poaching salmon is against the law. 117 00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:02,880 I suppose you're up to get one in your neck. I said, I'm after stickleback 118 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,300 He said, oh, what are they like? I said, I don't know, I ain't caught one yet. 119 00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,130 I used to have trouble with my flies. 120 00:08:12,550 --> 00:08:16,490 And then Joe here put me wise. God, he knows all about fishing that there is to 121 00:08:16,490 --> 00:08:21,050 tell. Do you know, I've known him tickle a trout and then, like lightning, whip 122 00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:22,050 it out. 123 00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:24,150 I've known him catch a girl that way as well. 124 00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:31,650 Here, once we took a boat out in the bay, 40 cod we got that day. 125 00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:34,549 Told you I'd find you a good place, says Joe with pride. 126 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,409 Well, it's market then, says Pat. 127 00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:40,120 I says, are we going to do that? That isn't easy. Put a chalk mark on the 128 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,980 I says, that is diabolical. That's stupid. That's illogical. 129 00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:48,980 I says, mark the side with chalk, you silly goat. I says, if we come down this 130 00:08:48,980 --> 00:08:52,300 way and fish us another day, chances are we get a different boat. 131 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,120 He says, 132 00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:04,080 he says, the Heskimos cuts all in the ice, floats on some peas and waits quiet 133 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:04,959 as voice. 134 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,520 Open to catch a cod or a hake or a nice sole. 135 00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:12,720 He says, they wait there patiently until the fish comes up for a pee. 136 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,120 He says, what then? He says, they kick him in the eyes off. 137 00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:25,120 Once he told our local barmaid how one day he caught a mermaid. 138 00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:27,300 He said, I got her just off Plymouth Town. 139 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:32,040 Her bust it measured 42, her waist it measured 22, and the rest of her was 18 140 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,040 pence a pound. 141 00:09:34,319 --> 00:09:35,980 Dear, oh, Lord, he's a lad, isn't he? 142 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,680 Here, once he took out fidgety flow. 143 00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:41,360 She says, isn't that swan swimming slow? 144 00:09:41,860 --> 00:09:46,040 And there's the horse, and there's the cow, and that pig's a boar. And, oh, 145 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,420 at that, Joe. He says, all right, love, I know. She says, what do you want to go 146 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:50,420 and threaten it for? 147 00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:55,080 He married her one day. 148 00:09:55,540 --> 00:09:57,020 What, it was a tiddler on the way. 149 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,180 And he was born. We all wanted to know the weight. He says, he weighs near 150 00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:02,180 enough a pound. 151 00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:05,740 So Charlie, he turns round, he says, go on, you only just got back your boat. 152 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:18,720 He'd be a young man today, going his own pop -happy way, chasing some 153 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:19,920 unattainable dream. 154 00:10:20,590 --> 00:10:24,350 But perhaps when he's older and a bit more wise, he'll begin to realise the 155 00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:25,630 of just sitting by a stream. 156 00:10:25,910 --> 00:10:30,770 For in a world filled with aggression and hate and fear and depression, an 157 00:10:30,770 --> 00:10:32,750 out here, oh, you just don't know what it's worth. 158 00:10:33,530 --> 00:10:36,670 Spend an hour with fishermen, and you'll find peace again. 159 00:10:37,030 --> 00:10:40,610 They're the most peaceful, kindly gentlemen on earth. 160 00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:42,190 I got one! 161 00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:44,110 I got one! I got one! 162 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,900 Howdy, all you folks out there in television land. 163 00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:09,760 I come up here this time, I come over on an airplane. 164 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,339 I don't know you folks remember the first time you ever went up in an 165 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,060 Sure, it's a lot scarier, isn't it? You know, first thing you happen, you sit 166 00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:18,800 down, this sassy little gal come along and she straps you in your seat. 167 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:24,220 Then she sort of hovers over you, you know, with that tight white blouse fit 168 00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:25,220 bust. 169 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:27,980 She says, anything I can do for you. 170 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,140 I said, I've had a lot of good when you hogtied there, isn't it? 171 00:17:32,810 --> 00:17:36,410 And in comes another sassy little gal. Oh, she's pushing a trolley. On that 172 00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:37,890 trolley, there is everything. 173 00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,410 There is whiskey. 174 00:17:39,630 --> 00:17:40,609 There is gin. 175 00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:42,350 There is Martina. 176 00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,170 There is Duboni. 177 00:17:47,290 --> 00:17:48,530 Bo Jolly. 178 00:17:49,910 --> 00:17:50,910 Pam Perry. 179 00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:59,510 That ain't for you. That's going up the front of the airport. 180 00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:03,330 You won't know who's up the front of the airplane. 181 00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:05,070 The driver, that too. 182 00:18:05,930 --> 00:18:10,090 And he starts talking at you. He says, uh, this is your captain speaking. 183 00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:13,810 He got like a deep, rich, brown voice. 184 00:18:14,190 --> 00:18:16,790 That sort of lulled you into a false sense of security. 185 00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:21,730 I mean, that might not be his normal voice. 186 00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:28,610 I mean, only flower I ever knew had a voice so high, only people that could 187 00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:29,630 understand him was dogs. 188 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:34,739 his old Paris. 189 00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:36,040 He used to make his own dresses. 190 00:18:38,020 --> 00:18:42,980 And he says, uh, I'd like to welcome you aboard this here Boeing airplane. 191 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,300 That's the right name for airplane, isn't it? Boeing. 192 00:18:49,380 --> 00:18:53,640 Not Speedy or High Flyer or something like that, but Boeing. 193 00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:56,880 Well, you know what I sound like, don't you, Boeing? 194 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,320 I sound like a piece just dropped off. Boeing! 195 00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:10,790 I says to myself, our plane gonna be flying 30 ,000 feet. 196 00:19:11,190 --> 00:19:14,250 You get your hands on that gin bottle, you gonna be flying 50 ,000 feet. 197 00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:18,930 Anyway, I get over here. You know the thing I like over here about you English 198 00:19:18,930 --> 00:19:21,590 people? I like your natural health service. 199 00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:22,749 I like that. 200 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:26,210 Because you know, back home in Little Creek, they charge you $5 just to look 201 00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:28,850 down your throat and $30 to look up your birth certificate. 202 00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:34,370 I don't like your quarantine. 203 00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:37,890 People are there so much, though, because they wouldn't let me bring my 204 00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:40,390 I've got two dogs. I've got two loveliest little dogs you've ever seen 205 00:19:40,390 --> 00:19:43,630 life. I've got a little Dachshund. A little Dachshund that's like a dog and a 206 00:19:43,630 --> 00:19:44,690 half long and half a dog high. 207 00:19:46,550 --> 00:19:49,290 I like him because all the kids can pet him at the same time. 208 00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:53,590 And I feel sorry for him when we get snow on the ground because he's got 209 00:19:53,590 --> 00:19:54,590 short legs. 210 00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:56,830 I feel sorry for that little boy. 211 00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:02,190 Anyway, I absolutely feel sorry for him. We've got an Afghan. 212 00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:03,490 He's a high... 213 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:11,140 My wife trained him to do his little bits of business on the newspaper while 214 00:20:11,140 --> 00:20:12,140 reading it. 215 00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:18,700 Anyway, wouldn't let me bring my dog, so I brought my wife over with me. 216 00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:21,140 Well, I saved kissing her goodbye, you know. 217 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,700 Because I sure as heck don't like kissing her goodbye. 218 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,580 Only time I ever kiss her is when I can't find a table napkin. 219 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,300 She's over here now. 220 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,940 We're going to sing at you. I don't know why you're doing us no harm. 221 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,840 Anyway, here she is, Roundtree. I call her Roundtree on account of her clear 222 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:39,840 gums. Come on, gal. 223 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,740 It's up in the music, Barry. Come on. 224 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,240 Now, down on the farm, everything that you did, it seemed so right somehow. 225 00:20:49,740 --> 00:20:53,780 Like the way you always warmed your hands before you milked the cow. 226 00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:58,220 And that old muley up and kicked me in the head one day. 227 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:02,230 The tears. roll down my cheeks as I saw the formula limp away. 228 00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:06,970 That day you helped a poor old lady across the street in the snow. 229 00:21:07,210 --> 00:21:11,190 Believe me, it wasn't easy. She didn't want to go. 230 00:21:11,610 --> 00:21:15,590 I said I didn't smoke or drink and that necking wasn't wise. 231 00:21:16,310 --> 00:21:17,990 I said, what do you do then? 232 00:21:18,190 --> 00:21:20,050 And you answered, I tell lies. 233 00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:30,770 Came round your house a -courting. 234 00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:32,850 Late on a Saturday night. 235 00:21:33,170 --> 00:21:35,250 I said I don't want to see you. 236 00:21:35,470 --> 00:21:37,230 So I switched out the light. 237 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:41,610 Later that night you banged on my door and started to holler and shout. 238 00:21:41,890 --> 00:21:45,930 You kicked up such a rumpus that I had to let you out. 239 00:21:46,190 --> 00:21:50,510 And to that painful wedding by my father you will go dead. 240 00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:52,410 That marriage was illegal. 241 00:21:52,650 --> 00:21:54,510 The shotgun wasn't loaded. 242 00:21:55,010 --> 00:21:56,790 Last week I saw you with the butcher. 243 00:21:57,260 --> 00:21:59,040 You were kissing and cuddling and such. 244 00:21:59,260 --> 00:22:03,460 Oh, how could you kiss the butcher when we owe the milkman so much? 245 00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:07,640 The days are far behind me. They're in the long ago. 246 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:12,960 They only serve to remind me just how I love you so. 247 00:22:27,070 --> 00:22:29,810 With Oliver Twith, featuring Nancy... 248 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:09,680 Get these out. 249 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,140 Could somebody get me rice pudding? Could you order me rice pudding? 250 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,340 Then send in the prisoner. 251 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,920 No more whipping! 252 00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:30,500 No more beatings! I beg of you! 253 00:23:32,780 --> 00:23:37,840 Tell me the name of the man who saved my brother's life and you shall go free. 254 00:23:39,510 --> 00:23:42,870 The name of the man who saved your brother's life. 255 00:24:08,590 --> 00:24:11,510 why all we thought is enemy. But why? 256 00:24:11,970 --> 00:24:14,510 The reason will be most rewarding. 257 00:24:15,610 --> 00:24:18,190 Send in the Duke of Dundee. 258 00:24:21,090 --> 00:24:27,930 You sent for 259 00:24:27,930 --> 00:24:28,930 me, Your Majesty? 260 00:24:30,290 --> 00:24:31,530 Even a queen. 261 00:24:31,790 --> 00:24:34,690 must thank the man who saved the life of her brother. 262 00:24:35,330 --> 00:24:39,130 Come, my lord of Denby, give me your hand. 263 00:24:39,850 --> 00:24:42,370 Nay, my lord, the other hand. 264 00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:44,650 Nay. 265 00:24:45,910 --> 00:24:48,930 Nay, my lord, both hands. 266 00:24:51,650 --> 00:24:54,450 She didn't have to have both hands, did she? Could have done it with one. 267 00:24:54,830 --> 00:24:56,950 I can't let the bloody thing off, can I? 268 00:24:57,610 --> 00:24:58,610 Oh, dear. 269 00:24:58,710 --> 00:24:59,910 Hello, Madge. 270 00:25:05,550 --> 00:25:09,530 Not if they look like that. They are. Oh, it's all about washing up. Oh, you 271 00:25:09,530 --> 00:25:11,230 want to try barmolive, my dear. 272 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:12,610 That's washing up liquid. 273 00:25:12,990 --> 00:25:14,170 That's what your hands are in now. 274 00:25:14,630 --> 00:25:15,930 Oh. Oh, yes. 275 00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:18,530 Oh, barmolive is especially mild. 276 00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:23,210 And there's none gentler. Oh, barmolive will keep your hands lovely and soft. 277 00:25:23,270 --> 00:25:25,010 Wait. You see what I do? 278 00:25:34,220 --> 00:25:38,160 So bloody rough. Then send in the traitor. 279 00:25:38,540 --> 00:25:42,300 Aye, I'll send in him. 280 00:25:43,340 --> 00:25:47,100 To think a captain of the guard could treat his queen so. 281 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,260 He shall pay dearly for this. 282 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,700 Captain, I would speak with you. 283 00:26:05,930 --> 00:26:06,930 I can hear thee. 284 00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:10,150 I can hear thee full well from here, your majesty. 285 00:26:10,410 --> 00:26:12,330 I command you to come here. 286 00:26:14,610 --> 00:26:18,590 I couldn't have heard of that there, John. 287 00:26:20,250 --> 00:26:21,510 It's not my fault. 288 00:26:22,750 --> 00:26:24,750 Well, could you get a welder, then? 289 00:26:26,050 --> 00:26:29,830 Another fine day here in Sherwood Forest. 290 00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:31,210 What say you to that? 291 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,520 Splendid day for hanging a sheriff. 292 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:46,640 Hold hard. 293 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:49,940 Hanging's too good for him. 294 00:26:51,260 --> 00:26:52,760 What do you say to that, eh, little John? 295 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:55,040 No. 296 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,800 I told you to keep to the left. I did keep to the left. 297 00:27:01,180 --> 00:27:05,560 Shut that door, then. Yes, and I'm going off for tea. Well, I don't... Nay, my 298 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,040 liege. I tell you nay. 299 00:27:07,290 --> 00:27:09,810 Nay, you shall not take me alive. 300 00:27:10,090 --> 00:27:16,750 Never. For with yonder sword... With 301 00:27:16,750 --> 00:27:23,230 yonder sword, shall I... With yonder poison tablet, which 302 00:27:23,230 --> 00:27:28,430 conceals beneath my doublet, which is next to my thinglet, shall I truly kill 303 00:27:28,430 --> 00:27:32,310 myself. And so, so do I die. I die. 304 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,760 Shall I truly kill myself? And so... Blood! 305 00:27:46,420 --> 00:27:47,420 Blood! 306 00:27:48,820 --> 00:27:49,980 Shut that door. 307 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,920 Ah, how quickly the blood doth congeal. 308 00:27:54,260 --> 00:27:56,900 And so... Sorry. 309 00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,100 And so do I, darling. 310 00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:34,880 asked here at Thames Television is, will there be a fourth channel? 311 00:29:35,340 --> 00:29:37,100 No, I don't know. 312 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,520 But are we satisfied with the television programmes that we're getting? 313 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,420 Yes, the answer is no. 314 00:29:45,460 --> 00:29:50,880 But should there be a fourth channel? Of course not. Unless the public demand 315 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:56,160 it. And then I say, yes, we shall not take no for an answer. 316 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:05,400 Now, with me in the studio here is a man who is directly concerned with this, 317 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:10,460 the head of Scuttlevision, Mr. Frederick Scuttle. Good evening, sir. 318 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:11,720 Good evening, fans. 319 00:30:12,620 --> 00:30:17,100 Mr. Scuttle, if you were in charge of the fourth channel, what audiences would 320 00:30:17,100 --> 00:30:18,100 you aim for? 321 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:23,520 The thinking man, sir. Yes. The thinking man is fed up with the superfluity and 322 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:25,780 frivolousness of television. 323 00:30:26,220 --> 00:30:27,640 All that frolics. 324 00:30:30,100 --> 00:30:35,100 Yes, sir. He's fed up with nothing but dancing ladies wearing nothing but 325 00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:37,860 braziers and open -neck trousers. 326 00:30:40,060 --> 00:30:43,420 Some of the costumes the girls wear nowadays are disgraceful, sir. I've seen 327 00:30:43,420 --> 00:30:44,900 more cotton in the top of an aspirin bottle. 328 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:50,580 There was a dancer the other week, a white -haired club, wearing a kilt six 329 00:30:50,580 --> 00:30:51,880 inches above the knee. 330 00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:55,860 What's wrong with that? He didn't have six inches above the knee, sir. 331 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:01,900 What would you put in its place? 332 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,000 In what place, sir? 333 00:31:07,580 --> 00:31:12,200 The dancers, the frolics. I'll tell you what I'd put in. The masters, sir, the 334 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,680 classics. The classics. Lady Fandomia's Wind. 335 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,120 The Tale of Two Cities. 336 00:31:23,820 --> 00:31:24,820 Taker Gobbler. 337 00:31:26,580 --> 00:31:29,280 Dillon from Class, sir. Yes, sir, I would, sir. 338 00:31:30,879 --> 00:31:34,480 Continental artiste and book bit and book by myself. 339 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:36,760 What was that again? 340 00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:39,840 I can't speak my card. Listen, I go over there, you know. You do? 341 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,880 Oh, sir, yeah, I speak five languages, you know. Sprechen Sie Deutsch? 342 00:31:44,340 --> 00:31:45,480 Oui, oui, monsieur. 343 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:48,520 That is French. 344 00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:49,700 Is it? Yeah. 345 00:31:50,380 --> 00:31:51,420 Six languages. 346 00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:57,560 I've handled them all, you know, sir. 347 00:32:00,030 --> 00:32:01,850 Les champignons de la chanson. 348 00:32:03,250 --> 00:32:04,670 The singing toadstools. 349 00:32:07,250 --> 00:32:09,150 Lost paranoics, I've handled them. 350 00:32:10,130 --> 00:32:12,010 Sophia Loren, I've never handled her. 351 00:32:12,970 --> 00:32:19,850 No, but we reach for the stars, we do. I offered Maria Callas's... I offered 352 00:32:19,850 --> 00:32:24,030 her 30 quid and 10 luncheon vouchers to come over here and mime to a verse and 353 00:32:24,030 --> 00:32:25,430 chorus of Cozy Fanny Tootie. 354 00:32:26,410 --> 00:32:28,310 Did she acquiesce? 355 00:32:28,590 --> 00:32:29,730 Not with me, she didn't, sir, no. 356 00:32:30,930 --> 00:32:33,570 But, sir, you know, the thing is... Well, tell him what else we're going to 357 00:32:33,570 --> 00:32:36,150 him, sir. Oh, the greatest, sir. Our serial. 358 00:32:36,390 --> 00:32:38,650 The continuing story of Acker Street. 359 00:32:39,470 --> 00:32:43,690 Oh, the critics liked it? The two crickets went potty over it, sir. Mary 360 00:32:43,690 --> 00:32:47,270 said, if I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would not have believed it. 361 00:32:49,330 --> 00:32:50,810 Virginia Ironside. 362 00:32:53,790 --> 00:32:55,250 There's a name to conjure with. 363 00:32:56,970 --> 00:32:59,070 referred to it as Poetry in Motion. 364 00:32:59,530 --> 00:33:03,670 And Alan Bryan said it makes Hocal Cutter look like a blue Peter. 365 00:33:05,550 --> 00:33:08,350 So, you see, they all enjoyed it, you see. Oh, I'm sure they did. And I'll 366 00:33:08,350 --> 00:33:10,610 you what else we're going to give. We're going to give, for the first time on 367 00:33:10,610 --> 00:33:11,790 television, Poetry in Jazz. 368 00:33:12,250 --> 00:33:16,530 Really? Poetry in Jazz? Poetry in Jazz, yes, with Melody Malcolm, with a voice 369 00:33:16,530 --> 00:33:17,530 like Talcum. 370 00:33:18,050 --> 00:33:20,490 And his minstrels. They're ready now. His minstrels? 371 00:33:20,790 --> 00:33:23,850 They'll give us a couple of them, if you like. Oh, they'll give us a potpourri? 372 00:33:24,390 --> 00:33:25,990 I wouldn't put it as strongly as that. 373 00:33:26,879 --> 00:33:29,680 I'll tell you a couple of things. You see, you never know with Malcolm what 374 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:34,300 going to do. We give him a free hand in its entirety, sir. You see, we never tie 375 00:33:34,300 --> 00:33:36,440 him down. No. Unless it's a full moon. 376 00:33:37,020 --> 00:33:39,240 And then we have to, you know, sir. 377 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:46,560 Full moon, a Will's Whip, a cup of Benji's, and a Tizer, 378 00:33:46,580 --> 00:33:47,580 and he's off! 379 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,480 Real darn, sir. He's a non -conformist. I think he's C of E, actually, sir. 380 00:33:52,820 --> 00:33:55,820 I would like to say. And you never know what one minute, sir, he'll give you. 381 00:33:55,860 --> 00:33:59,820 Eskimo Nell, and then, like lightning, you get the rubber yacht of Jaime Cohen. 382 00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,000 The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam. As well, sir, yes. 383 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,300 And the Minstrel, sir. Oh, the group. 384 00:34:06,500 --> 00:34:09,360 Oh, the group. Are they strict tempo? Never touch a drop, sir. 385 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,780 They don't, sir, no. They smoke quite a bit, which you see, sir. 386 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:18,719 They are lovely music, sir. Yes. Lovely music. I heard them last night at 387 00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:20,679 Teddington Town Hall. You should have been there. It was magnificent. 388 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:25,159 The music sort of swelled up. It swelled up and it sort of filled the halls, 389 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,800 sir. Yes. Several people left to make room for it, actually. 390 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,260 Are they ready now? Come over here. I'll show you, sir. I'll show you. 391 00:34:32,420 --> 00:34:32,820 4 392 00:34:32,820 --> 00:34:41,219 -0 393 00:34:41,219 --> 00:34:42,520 Prunella was built like a fella. 394 00:34:44,010 --> 00:34:48,010 So she went down to see Dr Kerr. He said, no, they'll make eighth. When she 395 00:34:48,010 --> 00:34:50,030 stripped to the waist, he could hardly stop calling her sir. 396 00:34:52,190 --> 00:34:55,830 He started to gape at her absence of shape. And he laughed, and he hardly 397 00:34:55,830 --> 00:34:59,510 speak. And he started to joke. She said, it's no joke. They've been swallowing 398 00:34:59,510 --> 00:35:00,510 like that for a week. 399 00:35:01,750 --> 00:35:02,930 He explained the position. 400 00:35:03,150 --> 00:35:04,150 He said, I'm a physician. 401 00:35:04,430 --> 00:35:06,250 I graft you two on just like that. 402 00:35:06,650 --> 00:35:08,290 And he went and got plastered. 403 00:35:08,530 --> 00:35:09,530 Silly old Paul. 404 00:35:10,310 --> 00:35:11,950 And he grafted them onto her back. 405 00:35:13,210 --> 00:35:17,390 Now poor old Prunella, she can't get a fella to walk or to talk or romance 406 00:35:17,730 --> 00:35:21,170 Because no one wants to chat when a girl looks like that. But by golly, she's 407 00:35:21,170 --> 00:35:22,270 great fun to dance with. 408 00:35:28,770 --> 00:35:29,770 Here's another. 409 00:35:30,870 --> 00:35:32,950 My mate Ted has got a big head. 410 00:35:35,770 --> 00:35:37,830 He's a snob, he's aloof, he's high -ass. 411 00:35:38,030 --> 00:35:41,270 Some blokes say, by heck, he's a pain in the neck. My opinion is lower than 412 00:35:41,270 --> 00:35:42,270 that. 413 00:35:42,970 --> 00:35:45,730 When he was at school, he made it the rule to be Miss Coombe's favourite 414 00:35:45,730 --> 00:35:46,730 student. 415 00:35:50,030 --> 00:35:53,310 She said, you stay behind. He said, I don't mind the joke and the gossip if 416 00:35:53,310 --> 00:35:54,310 don't. 417 00:35:54,390 --> 00:35:57,610 Once I said, Miss Coombe, may I leave the room? And I put my hand over my 418 00:35:57,770 --> 00:36:00,690 She replied with a grin, now you can stop in and fill up the inkwells 419 00:36:02,430 --> 00:36:09,010 There was one little lad who always looked sad. The reason we would soon 420 00:36:09,010 --> 00:36:11,250 discover, Botox was his name. 421 00:36:16,399 --> 00:36:22,520 He wanted more knowledge, so he went to college, one of them intellectual 422 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,780 palaces. I said, no, don't call us. He said, I left there with honors, and 423 00:36:26,780 --> 00:36:28,300 Sally's, and Irene's, and Alice's. 424 00:36:33,060 --> 00:36:38,900 He married Miss Meacher, 425 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,660 and he was a schoolteacher. 426 00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:44,700 She should have been teaching the men. 427 00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:48,500 On their wedding night, she said, that's not right, now do it all over again. 428 00:36:52,100 --> 00:36:54,740 He says, I went to night school. 429 00:36:55,460 --> 00:37:02,140 He says, I went to the right school, now I go to night school. Every 430 00:37:02,140 --> 00:37:03,440 Tuesday from eight until ten. 431 00:37:03,740 --> 00:37:06,880 That's why I'm so bright, because every Tuesday night I learn about world famous 432 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:07,880 men. 433 00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:10,680 Now Venus was chased all over the place. 434 00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:18,120 She was lovely and that's on the level. And old Aphrodite ran it out in her 435 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,860 nightie and Deuce was a dirty old devil. 436 00:37:20,980 --> 00:37:24,720 He said, you've never heard of Richard III or Rembrandt or Voltaire or Wren. 437 00:37:25,020 --> 00:37:26,320 He said, I'm no fool. 438 00:37:27,060 --> 00:37:30,180 I go to night school every Tuesday from eight until ten. 439 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:32,380 I said, I bet you don't know. 440 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:40,880 I said, I bet you don't know Charlie Glenn. He says, no, I'll buy it then. 441 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:41,769 Charlie Glenn? 442 00:37:41,770 --> 00:37:44,710 I said he's the louse who goes round to your house every Tuesday from 8 until 443 00:37:44,710 --> 00:37:45,710 10! 444 00:37:46,570 --> 00:37:52,550 Give her 445 00:37:52,550 --> 00:38:03,170 your 446 00:38:03,170 --> 00:38:10,170 hand when she's lost the way Give her 447 00:38:10,170 --> 00:38:16,810 your shoulder to cry on Whether the day is bright or 448 00:38:16,810 --> 00:38:23,510 grey Give her your heart to rely on Blow her a 449 00:38:23,510 --> 00:38:29,310 kiss from across the room Say she looks nice when she's not 450 00:38:29,310 --> 00:38:34,270 Touch her hair as you pass her chair 451 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,640 Give her your hand as you cross the street. 452 00:38:43,820 --> 00:38:46,020 Call her at six on the dot. 453 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,800 Find a day when you're far away. 454 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:54,620 Little things need a lot. 455 00:38:56,220 --> 00:38:59,800 Don't have to buy her diamonds or pearls. 456 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,960 Champagne tables and books. 457 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,540 She doesn't care much for... 458 00:39:09,850 --> 00:39:11,250 Bye. 459 00:39:24,050 --> 00:39:26,450 Bye. Bye. 460 00:39:27,230 --> 00:39:28,230 Bye. 461 00:39:47,980 --> 00:39:50,240 Good evening. 462 00:40:07,340 --> 00:40:10,460 Well, once again, we welcome from China, Mr. 463 00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:11,499 Chow Min. 464 00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:13,960 Good evening, everybody. 465 00:40:15,900 --> 00:40:19,500 And hello there, Nicholas Parsons. 466 00:40:20,860 --> 00:40:25,980 Nicholas Parsons. Nicholas Parsons. I am Nicholas. 467 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,240 Mind you don't catch a cold. 468 00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:36,180 You're not like Chairman Mao. 469 00:40:36,830 --> 00:40:39,010 Chairman Mao, have nicks on. 470 00:40:47,050 --> 00:40:51,030 Well, I am delighted to see that this time Mr. Min has brought with him his 471 00:40:51,030 --> 00:40:55,830 lovely wife, Mrs. Min. And may I say, Mrs. Min, that you are the veritable 472 00:40:55,830 --> 00:41:01,050 epitome of Eastern womanhood and beauty. With your enigmatic smile, you're the 473 00:41:01,050 --> 00:41:03,130 lotus blossom incarnate. 474 00:41:14,740 --> 00:41:18,680 I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realize that your wife spoke English. Better 475 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:19,680 you, cookie boy. 476 00:41:22,060 --> 00:41:24,780 The rotis rotten incarnate. 477 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:26,900 What a rotacobras. 478 00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:33,110 Mr. Min, where... Where did you curse come to meet your lovely wife? In 479 00:41:33,110 --> 00:41:34,450 Shanghai, I sleep. 480 00:41:34,790 --> 00:41:36,730 I was driving in the long rain. 481 00:41:37,070 --> 00:41:38,070 The long rain? 482 00:41:38,290 --> 00:41:39,990 Not a long rain, a long rain. 483 00:41:40,450 --> 00:41:41,710 The long rain. 484 00:41:42,370 --> 00:41:44,230 Oh, the wrong lane. 485 00:41:44,610 --> 00:41:47,150 In her car. 486 00:41:47,550 --> 00:41:48,610 What else? 487 00:41:50,410 --> 00:41:52,270 Then I drive over this glass. 488 00:41:52,550 --> 00:41:53,550 And you got a puncture. 489 00:41:53,670 --> 00:41:55,030 No, not a puncture on glass. 490 00:41:55,830 --> 00:41:57,710 Not a puncture on clean glass. 491 00:41:58,450 --> 00:41:59,990 Not a puncture on glass. 492 00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,160 On bloke and grass, get a puncher. 493 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,500 Get a puncher up a throat in a minute. 494 00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,820 Then I noticed that she wearing hot pants. 495 00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:15,440 Made in China? 496 00:42:15,580 --> 00:42:16,580 Made in cotton. 497 00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:24,760 She was leaning over her car and I was rugging and all full of lust. 498 00:42:25,020 --> 00:42:25,819 You were? 499 00:42:25,820 --> 00:42:26,738 A car. 500 00:42:26,740 --> 00:42:29,140 It was a lusty car. The engine was lusty. 501 00:42:31,250 --> 00:42:32,250 Rustic. Yeah. 502 00:42:32,430 --> 00:42:34,070 So I say to myself, 503 00:42:34,550 --> 00:42:41,370 It's magic. 504 00:42:42,030 --> 00:42:43,030 Because, 505 00:42:44,390 --> 00:42:48,970 you see, what I say in English is, I think maybe her leg is broken. 506 00:42:49,470 --> 00:42:51,330 Maybe her crutches are burnt out. 507 00:42:51,630 --> 00:42:55,470 And then I go over and I say, hey, you butterfly. 508 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,620 I blame... I see you no switch on. 509 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,760 And she say, I only got to take one more look at you, cookie boy, and I switch 510 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:01,760 on. 511 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,540 So, Mr. Min, this is your wife. 512 00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:08,920 What aspects of Britain do you think will most interest the people of China? 513 00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,800 I'd like to hear about Paris. 514 00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:14,140 The French capital, Paris. 515 00:43:14,460 --> 00:43:15,820 In English, Buckingham, Paris. 516 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,840 I'd like to hear about... 517 00:43:23,020 --> 00:43:25,020 And her mother, the clean mother. 518 00:43:26,860 --> 00:43:28,680 Also, Prince Philip. 519 00:43:29,620 --> 00:43:30,900 Lord Stoughton. 520 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,320 Princess Margaret. 521 00:43:32,820 --> 00:43:35,520 We like to hear about all the loyal family. 522 00:43:36,660 --> 00:43:38,440 Also visit horse piddle. 523 00:43:41,740 --> 00:43:46,020 We visit the horse piddle, yes. We see the nurses there with the brats talking. 524 00:43:46,340 --> 00:43:49,440 Some of those nurses can disturb the patients without making a bed. 525 00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,320 They get a surprise. What kind of surprise? 526 00:43:53,940 --> 00:43:54,940 Medical surprise. 527 00:43:55,540 --> 00:43:56,540 Oh, surprise. 528 00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:58,420 Oh, you know this and you silly idiot. 529 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,600 No time, Cookie Baby, you tell me. 530 00:44:01,820 --> 00:44:03,580 Or shall we go to Reading? 531 00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,680 Reading in Berkshire. No, Reading in Church, sir. 532 00:44:07,340 --> 00:44:10,320 Ah, because he married a ceremony. 533 00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:11,439 I see. 534 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:12,520 And a drink of champagne. 535 00:44:13,300 --> 00:44:17,700 There was no gloom. Everyone was happy. How can they be happy when there is no 536 00:44:17,700 --> 00:44:19,040 gloom? Gloom not turn up. 537 00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:20,359 Oh, the groom. 538 00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:21,360 Yes. 539 00:44:21,980 --> 00:44:23,500 Oy vey. 540 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:32,000 Well, when the groom turn up, he marry... He marry 541 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,240 16 wives. 542 00:44:34,020 --> 00:44:35,040 Sixteen? Yes. 543 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,420 Four richer, four poorer, four better, and four worse. 544 00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,020 I hear more crapping that night. 545 00:44:52,060 --> 00:44:58,160 Then they have a party, and best men come in carrying a lead jerry. A lead 546 00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,180 jerry? Yes, a lead jerry. Yeah, full of custard. 547 00:45:02,870 --> 00:45:05,450 Custard? You never have Jerry and Custard? 548 00:45:06,690 --> 00:45:11,590 He's rubbery, Jerry and Custard. He's rubbery. He was a love -billy Jerry. 549 00:45:12,790 --> 00:45:15,530 And there was not enough to go around, so I give a smack in the middle, 550 00:45:15,550 --> 00:45:22,130 everybody get a bit... Also, I take a photograph, 551 00:45:22,210 --> 00:45:23,490 it was spoilt. 552 00:45:23,690 --> 00:45:25,010 Oh, spoilt, oh. 553 00:45:28,230 --> 00:45:29,710 Not I spoilt, oh. 554 00:45:30,550 --> 00:45:31,750 I spoilt, oh. 555 00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:36,280 Click it. 556 00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,640 And, uh, rugby. 557 00:45:41,380 --> 00:45:42,480 Okay. Okay. 558 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,000 No, okay. Okay with an okay stick. 559 00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:46,560 Okay. 560 00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:51,060 You know, we write best, oh, damn, to Bajo. 561 00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,640 Oh, yeah. Oh, damn, to Bajo. Good game. 562 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:58,920 Oh, damn, to Bajo. Oh, damn, to Bajo. Good game. Ready can pray also. 563 00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:03,580 Oh, summery can pray. I see a lady. She was dressed with two nipples. 564 00:46:05,260 --> 00:46:07,620 I beg your pardon? Blessed with two nipples. 565 00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:10,560 Oh, blessed with two nippers. 566 00:46:10,780 --> 00:46:12,160 Yeah, that's what I say, two nipples. 567 00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:16,220 There was a big cloud. 568 00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:17,940 Oh, a cloud of rain? 569 00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:19,300 No, a cloud of people. 570 00:46:20,140 --> 00:46:24,180 And we all come to see this man, her husband, pray. 571 00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:25,940 Oh, down to Bajo. 572 00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:30,960 So, Odonto Bajo, he takes a small round ball, a white ball, Odonto Bajo, put it 573 00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,820 under the grass, and over there is a small round hole. He tried with a stick 574 00:46:34,820 --> 00:46:38,800 a club to knock the small round hole into the little tiny... 575 00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,500 Oh, there, the ball go into the hole. But it's not quite going. 576 00:46:41,720 --> 00:46:44,920 It's just on the edge. And everybody say, oh, damn, too bad, Joe. 577 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,220 Oh, damn, too bad, Joe. That's a good game. 578 00:46:47,420 --> 00:46:51,840 I like that. I like that game. Thank you very much indeed, Mr. Min and Mrs. Min. 579 00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:53,040 Good night, Cookie Boy. 580 00:46:53,380 --> 00:46:58,540 I got a brand new pair of roses. 581 00:47:13,130 --> 00:47:16,970 I raise the chicks and then I feed the chicks and I'm feeling lonesome and 582 00:47:17,250 --> 00:47:21,450 And when I milk the cow, it seems somehow my thought keeps straying to 583 00:47:21,830 --> 00:47:25,950 And as the horse and I play the field nearby, your memory I can't erase. 584 00:47:26,410 --> 00:47:30,750 For as I look at the rear of the horse, my dear, I seem to see your face. 585 00:47:31,070 --> 00:47:35,770 I'm going to soak the scene of deep devotion, fertilizing with emotion. 586 00:47:36,610 --> 00:47:39,950 Water it with warm desire and then I'll reap the harvest of love. 587 00:47:43,029 --> 00:47:46,670 Yes, I was happy as a pig in spite of the way that you looked at me when I met 588 00:47:46,670 --> 00:47:47,609 you at the village dance. 589 00:47:47,610 --> 00:47:50,970 But you were in the ladies' excuse me, and I thought I should never have a 590 00:47:50,970 --> 00:47:55,590 chance. But you went off with Jeff, our local chef, and you courted him, came by 591 00:47:55,590 --> 00:47:56,549 the hedge. 592 00:47:56,550 --> 00:48:00,310 Then up came his wife with a long -handled knife, and she cut off his meat 593 00:48:00,310 --> 00:48:01,790 two vegs. I don't know. 594 00:48:02,090 --> 00:48:03,490 It seemed a deep devotion. 595 00:48:04,390 --> 00:48:05,750 I think it was emotion. 596 00:48:29,589 --> 00:48:32,730 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you all very much for being with us. And 597 00:48:32,730 --> 00:48:35,850 we look forward to seeing you all again quite soon. Until then, bye -bye. 598 00:50:20,089 --> 00:50:22,890 Thank you. 599 00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,240 Thank you. 47061

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.