Original subtitles

Thank you.

Oh, Papa, stoke up the road. Mama's got a ride tonight.

Oh, come on, Papa, ride me around.

That's it, Papa, that's it. Give your baby a ride.

Papa's doing all he can, Mama.

Here, move up just a little bit.

That's it, right there.

Oh, yeah, that's a ticket view.

Just hold that eye like that for a while.

Just how long is a while?

Well, that's up to you, Papa.

I mean, you got it up. We may as well go till we get it off.

Oh, yeah.

Ship me, Papa.

Gotta pop it in the second.

Come on, Emma.

Stop that wheezing.

You ain't getting off the hook that easy.

I wasn't trying to, Mama.

Oh, come on, Papa.

You're down old enough to be a classic.

I was down until ten years ago.

I'm not judging by the evidence.

Oh, that was lovely evidence.

Oh, God.

Ah, look what you've done.

You broke the stride.

And put my evidence back where it was.

Gladly, my dear.

All right.

Take me where I want to go.

Oh, I want you to drive me. I want you to drive me hard.

Step on it, Papa.

Give me some speed, baby. Come on, faster.

Don't give up now.

We're almost there. We're getting there.

That's the way to drive me. Yeah, we're getting there good.

Just a bit quicker.

Thank you, driver. That's right.

Yeah.

Oh, we're almost there. We're almost there.

And Martin, don't forget it, Mrs. Don't forget it.

Okay?

And Friday Penny.

Oh, and Mark.

Kind of watch it with Sissy.

She's a bit prone toward puppy love.

That wasn't funny, Mark.

You can leave your sense of humor home with your cocker spaniel.

Well, how would you feel?

Manny's kept us as far removed from him as possible, and suddenly I... All of a

sudden me.

I hadn't meant that personally.

Maybe we're going about this all wrong.

I know I'm supposed to be your teacher or something, but I do think this is a

first for you.

I mean, before you can make love to someone, you have to seduce them.

And you don't know the first thing about seducing somebody.

Oh, seduction is very big around here.

It's just one man after the other.

Why don't we make a game out of it?

What do I win?

How about a vacuum cleaner? Or how about a free cruise to Tijuana?

Look, first of all, let's figure that we're really at a party.

And you picked me up downstairs.

You got me to meet you up here, right?

Were you easy?

I'm not supposed to be, but for you, that was a pushover.

One smile.

Seems I have a head start.

Why don't you help me catch up?

You can't seduce me, Tony, unless you get to me.

Edward, are you all right?

Well, it might be a little more fun if you investigated what you found.

I bet they don't like it as well as women do.

There's nothing more of a turn -on to a man than watching a woman dress up.

Rub your hand over the head like that.

Put up your mouth.

That's it. Open wide.

Put your tongue out.

I want you to leave it there.

Keep your mouth open.

That's right.

Put it over.

All the way in.

Keep your tongue out.

Up and down now.

That's it.

Doesn't that feel good?

Now keep your tongue out of your mouth now.

It's like a cushion on the bottom. That's right.

Like one of your little pillows.

Thank you.

Mark?

Yeah?

Can I ask you a personal question?

Go ahead.

Well, what do you do when you're not seducing young girls anyway?

Well, believe it or not, I spend a lot of my time in the park or always skating

or playing basketball.

You're teasing me.

It's easy enough to check me out on that.

My father used to say that when people have too much money, they have a

to get a little crazy and tend to overindulge themselves.

That's sort of how it is with Duke Benton.

The old buzzard must be worth over five million, and all he wants to do is play

cowboy. He bought this ranch about ten years ago, and I don't think he's been

off it since.

Now, Duke's got one boy.

He'd love to get the kids settled down. The important thing here is not to get

into any kind of competition.

Now, if the kid seems to go for one of you, the other one just fades out of the

picture. Do we all understand that?

What's his name, son?

Well, his name's Jason, but I think he calls himself Jase.

Oh, that's cute.

I could call him Jasey.

No, honey, you'll call him Jase.

Whatever you say, Maddie.

You remember what I told you, boy.

Miss Stone's an old friend of your daddy's, and you're going to be nice to

daughter.

Are you listening to me, Jase?

Well, I hear you, Pa, but I got me a mess of work to get done around here

Damn it, boy, don't give me none of your bullshit.

You bless you, Daddy.

You can forget about being foreman around here, and I'll kick your ass off

that agriculture college in the city.

Well, Pa, I sure don't want to go to no agriculture college in the city.

Jason, get off your ass and help these girls out of the car. Come on. Come

on.

Yeah, I guess I'll just fade out right now.

You and Charlie haven't had a daughter?

Charlie and I didn't.

They're Harry's.

You know, Charlie, that I always loved to travel.

Forever on the move, that old buzzard and me.

Yeah.

You two never good stay in one place too long.

Goddamn, honey, you feel like a heifer in here.

Get this thing off of here.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Let's get this over with.

Now you're talking, huh?

I'm going to put you in my herd, hon.

I'm going to brand you right now.

Sissy, honey, I'm branding you right now.

I'm going to put my number on you, sweetheart.

Look at that.

love at first sight.

You know, we're going to have us a great life.

I mean, a real life.

Like folks has forgotten to live.

We're going to be up at five every morning to get our own fresh eggs and

And you're going to love milk, and I can just tell somehow.

Yeah. Then we'll cook us up a real breakfast.

Yeah. Then pretty soon, we'll have a whole mess of young 'uns around here,

you'll have yourself your own little garden. Everything be nice and fresh.

And then every Sunday, we're going to have the whole family over for fried

chicken. Real fried chicken.

We're going to cook them up ourselves.

I tell you, we'll slaughter little shits right here in the backyard.

And it's, you know, it's easy. I'll show you how you do it. You just grab a

little bucket by the neck, see?

I don't know what I said. Wait, come on.

I don't know what I said.

Chickens.

Come on, Percy, come on.

Disaster. One of the best pox I have ever had.

Wouldn't say long.

Early in my army career.

She was a 12 -year -old nymphette.

Only that could be.

She was wonderful.

And, of course, I was.

Untouchable, but that had nothing to do with me.

Of course, of course, I didn't believe in any of that.

It's a wonderful party.

Hey, girls, don't forget.

You either get a proposal or are pregnant.

Or else.

Harrison, it looks like your final guests are coming.

Baroness, before the night's over, all my guests will be coming.

Ah, yes.

Probably only once.

insisted on his game being in private.

And look what happened to him. Poor solitary fornicator that he was.

These must be your charming daughters.

Where have you been keeping them?

Out of harm's way, Harrison.

Until tonight, that is. May I present Penelope and Cecilia.

Girls, Mr. Harrison Price, our divine host.

Light. Your presence lights up my house.

Baroness may I present dear old friend, Madeline Stone and her daughters.

Maddy used to be quite a game player.

Before my time, I'm sure.

Oh, my dear Baroness, I'm sure nothing was before your time.

Ladies, shall we join my guests?

Come along, darling.

Right through there.

And smile, Baroness, smile.

Ah, General, I'd like you to meet Madeline Stone, my daughter.

Which one is mine, Harris?

My two daughters.

This is Cecilia. Penelope. Girls, this is... Oh, Dancer the Third. Oh, it must

be. I suppose every woman in the world must recognize me by now.

Yes, of course.

Excuse me, Mr. Dancer. We have to freshen up.

You still haven't told me which one is mine, Harrison.

How come nobody's snatched up that gorgeous man yet?

Well, don't worry. Plenty have tried.

These aunties have felt quite... The lover, doesn't he?

Well, he brags that he can lay any woman he wants, so why get tied down?

He could tie me down any time, any place he wanted to.

I told you to lay off.

Now, Harrison will be passing out envelopes with instructions on how to

games for the evening.

Just do what it says on the cards.

Trust your mother.

And don't forget, I could care less who wins any of Harrison's contests tonight.

We're after a bigger game, right?

You're right.

But, Andy?

Yes? How are you doing this dancer? Any thoughts?

He's got his eye, don't he?

Oh, he's got more than his eye, darling. Anybody could have seen the bulge in

his pants from across the room.

Mother!

Mother, really?

Damn!

Now, honey, you know perfectly well that there is no more sincere compliment in

the world than a hard -on.

I don't even know what to do next.

You could screw him half to death and then tell him that you forgot to take

birth control pill.

Mother. Sissy, I forgot something from the car.

You guys never want me to know anything. Sometimes, God help me, I think you

know too much. What did you leave?

An extra pack of cigarettes. I have smarty -five.

All right.

Penny, honey.

You know, it is really working.

I mean...

Finally, it's really working.

Big deal.

Oh, I know Charles Vance of the Third is insufferable, but he's rich, rich,

rich.

Nanny, this whole thing out there is some kind of really thick, I mean really

thick circus.

Oh, I know. The richer they are, the nuttier.

Look, in this life, darling, the rich only get richer, and it's the obligation

of the poor to do something about it.

Nanny. As far as I'm concerned, there's more to life than that.

You say that because you have the least conception of poverty.

Well, let me tell you something, young lady.

Poor people have a very unattractive odor and bad teeth.

And that is hardly the most healthy climate for a lifelong romance.

You know?

All right, Maddie.

What do I do next?

Brush your teeth.

You've been with her all this time?

Mm -hmm.

Who else would put up with all my crap?

Maddie isn't so bad, but she can sure piss me off sometimes.

Try to be patient with her, Sissy.

I think that... You may remind her of her own past.

Speaking of time, I think you better get back in there.

Hey, from what I hear about this party, I think you're going to need both your

tits.

Let me have it. Give me the gum. Come on.

Everything's going to work out okay. Thank you. Have a good time.

Oh, honey, you really look sumptuous.

I never could figure out why you've always thought of us as your salvation.

Well, because you're pretty and young and bright.

And you're supposed to be washed up at 40, huh?

Well, I wouldn't say exactly washed up, but we have to be practical about such

things, you know.

Because you certainly do have what it takes. You've got the knowledge.

You've got the know -how with these type of people and men.

You haven't lost your looks at all.

In fact, the only thing you've lost, Mother, is your self -confidence.

Well, that kind of goes when the first crowfoot shows up, you know.

Mother.

Come on.

I guess I have been really sort of hard for her.

I haven't really acted like a mother at all.

And you're right.

I am scared.

Tell me, what is entailed in your body?

Tell me, child, have you read the story of Earl?

Yes.

I think I read about him in the next whole choir.

It's not a him, it's a her.

What happened to your mother, General?

Wasp them at the cleaners, actually.

I really find you quite attractive.

But you need to be a bit more assertive.

Assertive?

What do you mean?

I have a feeling that there's a real tiger lurking somewhere deep within you

that's just waiting to leap out.

I doubt that.

You let me make a judge of that.

Why don't we just split and take a cruise on my yacht?

The Riviera?

Bangkok?

Rangoon?

How about a trip to the Mouton Rock Shire? I'm out of wine.

Thank you.

You're a challenge, aren't you?

Don't worry.

You'll melt.

I must say, Mr. Price, sir, you do give excellent tables.

The best food for the best people.

The best action.

Do they know the rules?

Not yet.

Have you forgotten?

I never invite the same people to game night.

Their perversions are known only to me.

That prevents change as time goes on. Only for the sophisticated, like you and

me.

The others, they're still locked into their simple -minded, repetitive

In other words, the same old shit.

Tell us about how the game is to be played, old sport, so we can get on with

In time, dear General.

In time.

What's the winner getting this game?

Knowing and showing that he...

Or she is the most versatile sexual athlete in

this gathering of renowned superstars.

You may serve the coffee. Yes, sir.

In the envelope are your instructions for the two games to be played. If my

judgment is right about your productivity... You should love the

But if you can't cope with the second one, the person who lasts the course is

the ultimate winner.

Have fun, my sweets, and come all you like, if you can.

You might even learn something about yourself.

We'll let them play their little games.

You were going to read the cards?

What's the...

Nature of our little wager.

From these cards, I'll predict the winner of the games.

I'll bet you 5 ,000.

Against a candlelight dinner with an old friend.

You're on.

I've never made it with royalty before.

Well, I've never been with a fashion model, for that matter. Not even in your

imagination?

Say, as you leaf through the pages, I love your outfit.

I thought you would. I brought one for you.

Let's see what's happening.

I've lived through these stages every time I see a picture of you.

Autocracy is very vocal these days.

So far, she's a winner.

But not for long.

I'm exhausted.

This is for you.

Read it to me.

God, no way.

God damn it, Terry. You motherfucker.

All class, that broad. All class.

You know, Maddie, if I hadn't rigged this, animals think you did.

Girl, time for a whipping, eh?

Are you ready for my special brand of pain?

Are the nerve endings in that magnificent body of yours tingling in

of what I'm going to do to them? Has fear frozen that lovely mouth of yours?

Speak to me.

What the hell was that?

I don't feel too good.

You're going to feel a lot worse before I'm through with you.

See this?

This is my genuine 16th century ivory Bostonado cane.

Must have been all that rich sauce we had with dinner.

For openers, how would you like these sawtooth clamps around your tender

breasts? And for closers, I'm going to brutally fuck every opening in your

No, it must have been the two eclairs I had for dessert.

You know, you've talked too much.

But this cylindrical shape... What the hell do you think you're doing?

What the hell does it look like I'm doing? My itch.

Oh, I must be allergic to the Baroness's perfume.

God, did you ever smell... How did you get out of that snap -lock manacle?

If I do, I'm going to throw up. What?

I said I'm going to heave all over your uniform.

If you don't get me an Alka -Seltzer, quick.

Must have been that green curry we had after dinner.

I'm not getting you anything but this cylindrical -shaped, spring -loaded...

right!

I'll get the Alka -Seltzer.

Taste of the kiss of this eight -foot bull's hide whip. You'll forget all

your upset stomach.

Oh, no.

I don't understand you. Don't you know what this thing is going to do to you?

Can't you imagine anything?

I imagine you're going to have a hard time hitting anybody with that so

whip. How did that happen?

What's going on here?

Well, why don't you try a rack?

I don't have a rack.

Well, that's not my fault.

Look, if you don't mind, I'm going to play with myself for a while. It's

awfully boring, you know.

Look, I have all these instruments.

If your pecker's anything like your instruments, you're in a heap of

You can't do this to me.

What do you mean to you, dummy?

I'm doing myself.

This isn't what's supposed to happen.

This is one game ahead.

Oh, Leo, poor dear.

Let's see what else is happening.

Chris Marchand.

Definitely a Gemini.

And in this case, a flamingly shy one.

Needs to be treated with childlike delicacy.

This is Susie.

She's kind of shy, so don't mind if she doesn't talk a lot, okay?

He's really cute. You know, I think this is going to be fun.

Why don't we show him our new underwear?

They're pretty panties, don't you think so?

That would be really fun.

Check it out with your teeth.

Thank you.

. .

.

.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Deaf or something?

Hang it up.

Hurry and get the fuck back on the bed.

Lie down on the bed.

Boy, are you out of shape.

Little prick, too.

Well, I'll have to make the best of it.

Look, I don't like you. You don't like?

Listen, turkey, you're lucky I'm here at all.

Now listen, Chris.

If you follow my instructions, we're going to have a lot of fun.

Especially me.

But you have to pay attention, and you have to keep your mouth shut.

Except when you're eating me, of course.

Now what's the matter?

You're through.

You're through. It's on my... Oh, for God's sake, what's the matter with you

anyway? Don't you want to borrow me?

I want to go home.

That means you lose, sweetie.

How could anyone make love to someone like you?

I thought that... That I was the pussycat? Right.

Another one of your little teenyboppers? Poor Chris. Didn't expect a tigress,

did you?

I hope in the next game you have to make it with a snake.

Why, you know, I'd take that little old snake and I'd eat him all up.

Exit one Gemini.

You haven't won yet.

And that's the way it's always been, women unable to resist me.

But otherwise, the rumors are all lies.

I can and I do resist women.

Unless they have a tremendous appeal to me.

Unless they have an irresistible ability to arouse me to the fullest.

Unless it's a woman like you.

I know what my touch must do to you.

How my fingers must drive you wild with lust for me.

You like this, don't you? I mean...

You loved it.

Oh, yeah.

You really turned me on, like you say.

Please be careful of my, my mouth.

I know my touch is somehow magic. And when I do this, what lump?

Oh, that's really nothing.

Merely a growth.

It's for sure not cancerous.

Not cancerous.

Probably.

Our bodies are meant to be joined in every fashion imaginable.

Sometimes the old ways are the best ways.

Don't you agree?

I mean, the simple but erotic missionary position.

Do you know I've been told that I have a reliterative hymen?

And that's why I always bleed every time.

Oh, but whatever you want.

Come on.

It's down.

It hasn't been down since I was eight.

You've ruined it.

You've ruined me.

What a lucky fucking break for me.

Goodbye, dildo head.

In fact, goodbye to you all.

Hi, turkey.

Hey, listen.

If it runs in the family, stay out of here.

Oh, look.

It's hard enough I have to resist you anyway.

At least make a plate for me so I can win the game, huh?

My God.

It came back to life.

Come on, Tyler.

Let's see how you're going to do in my tank.

Come on, Dancer.

Let's see that rhythm.

Move it, baby.

Move it, Dancer.

Yeah baby.

It's made the whole thing worth it.

It was really hot, wasn't it?

Well, I wish I could say that it was, but as far as I'm concerned, it was

lukewarm.

Well, that does take care of that.

Not quite, Maddy.

I usually have an ace up my sleeve somewhere.

Dominique, mind you, has a little mink in Dr .'s room.

Why don't you cut it down to size?

Where the hell do you think you're going, sweetheart?

Oh, fuck you.

Well,

so much for the little trick up your sleeve, sir.

Now, let's see. Harrison Price.

Ah, yes. The devil.

Born on the cusp of leap year with his moon and escarole.

You bitch.

Thank you very much.

Mattie Stone.

What do you mean she just got disgusted and left? Where?

You asked me and I told you. She left and that's all I know.

That's right, Maddie. It's just like Sissy said.

And you, what do you mean she called a taxi?

Because she must have.

Taxi came and picked her up.

She was gone before I even knew what was happening.

Nobody seems to know what's happening.

She had it made.

I had to go and blow it.

He could have had me.

He did.

And knows the whole world could.

Shit.

I just... I don't know, I just... Can't let myself relate to the way Maddie,

uh... Behaves or... Whatever.

Well... Have you tried to tell Sissy how you really feel?

Sissy... Sissy... She loves life.

Or at least that kind of...

She wouldn't even understand.

I, uh, to be perfectly honest with you, I felt that you're the only one I could

talk to.

And that's why I called.

Maybe if you and Maddie sat down.

Hey.

I'm sorry I even bothered you.

You do bother me.

give away any confidences.

Besides, what's the matter with that?

Why haven't you done it?

You've got all the connections.

You've got the look, that's for sure.

You know what I think, Mark?

I think you're afraid.

You know what I think?

What?

You're right. Of what?

Of Maddie or what?

Doctor -patient relationships.

Oh. And what about...

Teacher -student relationships, do they frighten you also?

They happen all the time.

They're not real.

And that's what you were thinking the last time we were together.

What I was thinking the last time we were together is I must be crazy to fall

love.

I don't think that's crazy at all, Mark.

who's got the big bucks and is eligible.

So don't make a move before then.

Penelope may have fucked up on the best catch of the century, but I'm determined

to get you at least the second best.

But will he be a good lay?

Hey,

did you just relax?

It's wet from the water. I think I can untie it, though.

Sissy, I got both hands for you. Why don't you let me help you?

Thank you.

Oh, look, I can't address myself.

The movie is all right.

The protection is there now.

Listen, it's a difficult shower there. I've got to help you with it.

Are you married?

You got a girl?

Going steady?

Do you think I'm using?

You believe in love at first sight?

Matthews or Johnson? May I present Clark Dayton, the boy's father and our host.

And the owner of Tempo Steel Corporation.

How do you do, Mr. Dayton?

Listen, I'll get you a drink. And stop worrying about Sissy.

Well, as long as she's still below deck with Mr.

Dayton's son, who's worried?

I'm sure you must have your choice of just about any company you want.

But please, you mustn't let me monopolize you. Your guests are old

take care of themselves.

Now, tell me more about your daughters.

Oh, you won't believe this.

Won't believe what?

I've got a feeling one of you is going to get mad.

What are you talking about?

Well, your John and your Sissy have run off together.

They left a note on the shower door.

Weird.

Who's mad?

Not me.

That is, should I be?

Oh, that figure's taking advantage of an innocent girl. I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, Clark.

If they're really in love... Well, you actually don't mind, then?

Well, not if you don't.

Of course. If he's really in love, perhaps it'll help straighten him out.

Now he can't be all that bad.

Even worse.

Well, he's been such a total sponge, I had to disinherit him last year.

Oh, no.

That's the most outrageous story I've ever heard.

Nonetheless true.

Another week and it'll all be gone.

I'll be broke.

Poetic justice, one might say.

Truly extraordinary.

I've never met anyone as coldly designing and ruthless as you.

Boardroom of the club, of course.

Oh, yes.

I got what was coming to me, all right.

My children both run off with paupers.

Now I'm all alone and just as poor as they are.

Talk about irony.

But I've bored you enough, really.

I must be going.

Sit down.

Sit down, please.

You're going to admonish me for my sins.

Truly extraordinary woman.

That's a polite way of sending condolences to a corpse.

Your only trouble is that you've lost confidence in yourself somewhere along

way.

Now you're making fun of me.

Not at all.

Have you ever taken a good look at yourself?

I believe you.

I'm not really clumsy. It's just this enormous sex drive that has a pinnacle

it.