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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:12,003 --> 00:01:29,000 - Last time on Dream On. 2 00:01:29,003 --> 00:01:33,000 ? Silent night ?. 3 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,000 - Please come to Pennsylvania with me. 4 00:01:37,003 --> 00:01:39,000 - I don't know, I have a date tonight. 5 00:01:39,003 --> 00:01:41,000 - Some Amish village is supposed to present Richard 6 00:01:41,003 --> 00:01:44,000 with this giant quilt they made for the baby. 7 00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:47,000 - It's Mary. 8 00:01:47,003 --> 00:01:48,000 - Mary who? 9 00:01:48,003 --> 00:01:50,000 - The Virgin Mary. 10 00:01:50,003 --> 00:01:51,000 - The cracks. 11 00:01:51,003 --> 00:01:53,000 - It's Adele Mad. 12 00:01:53,003 --> 00:01:55,000 - We don't have to if you don't want to. 13 00:01:55,003 --> 00:01:56,000 - No, I do. 14 00:01:56,003 --> 00:01:58,000 I really do. 15 00:01:58,003 --> 00:02:01,000 - Looks like we're going to have a white Christmas after all. 16 00:02:01,003 --> 00:02:06,000 - Are you actually blaming an unborn child because you couldn't read a map? 17 00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:08,000 - No, no, no, no. 18 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,000 I'm blaming him because we're stuck 19 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:12,000 in this Pennsylvania Dutch nightmare in the first place. 20 00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:14,000 - Dan, hey, where are you? 21 00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:16,000 - Uh-huh. 22 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:19,000 Oh, no, no, no, I understand. 23 00:02:19,003 --> 00:02:22,000 - I turned and I looked and there she was. 24 00:02:22,003 --> 00:02:24,000 - The posted thingies are five bucks. 25 00:02:24,003 --> 00:02:25,000 - I can see. 26 00:02:25,003 --> 00:02:27,000 - Your mother and I are stuck in Pennsylvania, okay? 27 00:02:27,003 --> 00:02:28,000 All the highways are closing. 28 00:02:28,003 --> 00:02:30,000 We're gonna have to spend the night. 29 00:02:30,003 --> 00:02:31,000 - Mm-hmm. 30 00:02:31,003 --> 00:02:33,000 - I'm expecting a friend of mine around eight o'clock now. 31 00:02:33,003 --> 00:02:37,000 Her name is Mary Beth and I have a pregnant woman here. 32 00:02:37,003 --> 00:02:38,000 - There's nothing I can do. 33 00:02:38,003 --> 00:02:40,000 There's just no room at the end. 34 00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:42,000 - This isn't Beth Lamb. 35 00:02:42,003 --> 00:02:46,000 - Oh, God. 36 00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:47,000 - Okay, here we go. 37 00:02:47,003 --> 00:02:49,000 - I think I already went. 38 00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:52,000 - He's calling me back to the flock. 39 00:02:52,003 --> 00:02:54,000 I know now what I must do. 40 00:02:54,003 --> 00:02:55,000 - Martin. 41 00:02:55,003 --> 00:02:56,000 - What? 42 00:02:56,003 --> 00:02:58,000 - I think my water just broke. 43 00:03:02,003 --> 00:03:05,000 - She's gonna have a baby. 44 00:03:05,003 --> 00:03:11,000 ? Sleep in heavenly peace ? 45 00:03:11,003 --> 00:03:17,000 - Why? 46 00:03:17,003 --> 00:03:19,000 Why do we have to get out of the car? 47 00:03:19,003 --> 00:03:20,000 I like it here. 48 00:03:20,003 --> 00:03:21,000 It's warm and there's maps. 49 00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:21,000 - Judith. 50 00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:24,000 Jude. 51 00:03:24,003 --> 00:03:29,000 I'm sorry, but you cannot have the baby in the car. 52 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,000 It's okay, I'm fine. 53 00:03:34,003 --> 00:03:37,000 - Okay, okay, that doesn't, you see that light? 54 00:03:37,003 --> 00:03:39,000 See there, way off there. 55 00:03:39,003 --> 00:03:41,000 Now we're gonna go get help while you can still walk. 56 00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:44,000 - No, but maybe they're mean farm people who don't like strangers. 57 00:03:47,003 --> 00:03:51,000 - That's crazy. 58 00:03:51,003 --> 00:03:54,000 I'm sure they're very nice farm people. 59 00:03:54,003 --> 00:03:58,000 I'm sure there's a very nice farmer and his very nice wife. 60 00:03:58,003 --> 00:03:59,470 And while we wait for the ambulance, you 61 00:03:59,482 --> 00:04:01,000 can sit in a chair by the fire, you know, 62 00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:03,000 and she'll hold your hand and give you herb tea. 63 00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:06,000 So we won't have to have the baby in this fucking car. 64 00:04:06,003 --> 00:04:09,000 - You wash his mouth out with soap? 65 00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:14,000 ? You'll be UN-subtletive ? 66 00:04:16,003 --> 00:04:21,000 ? Hey, hey, hey, hey ? 67 00:04:21,003 --> 00:04:23,000 ? You should've dropped some rats ? 68 00:04:23,003 --> 00:04:25,000 ? Now you're talking sorry ? 69 00:04:27,003 --> 00:04:31,000 - Martin? 70 00:04:31,003 --> 00:04:33,000 - No, I'm Jeremy. 71 00:04:33,003 --> 00:04:37,000 - I mean, he sounded young on the phone, but not that young. 72 00:04:37,003 --> 00:04:38,000 I'm her bath, who are you? 73 00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:40,000 - I'm his son. 74 00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:42,000 - Oh my God, he must be old. 75 00:04:42,003 --> 00:04:43,000 - Yeah, yeah, it really is. 76 00:04:43,003 --> 00:04:44,430 Look, he said to tell you he's sorry, 77 00:04:44,442 --> 00:04:46,000 but he won't be able to see you tonight. 78 00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:48,000 He's stuck somewhere in Pennsylvania. 79 00:04:48,003 --> 00:04:49,000 - Well, shit. 80 00:04:49,003 --> 00:04:52,000 Shitty shit shit. 81 00:04:52,003 --> 00:04:54,000 What's he doing in Pennsylvania? 82 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,000 Get out of the car! 83 00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:58,000 Get out, get out of the car, get out of it! 84 00:04:58,003 --> 00:05:01,000 - I don't know, sightseeing or something? 85 00:05:01,003 --> 00:05:03,000 - Well, this is just tremendous. 86 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,000 My very first night in New York City 87 00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:07,000 and I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do with myself. 88 00:05:07,003 --> 00:05:09,000 You got a paper? 89 00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:09,000 - I guess so. 90 00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:15,000 - So, Jeremy, what's a good looking kid like yourself 91 00:05:15,003 --> 00:05:18,000 doing home on Christmas Eve, waiting for Santa? 92 00:05:18,003 --> 00:05:19,000 - Yeah, yeah, that's it. 93 00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:24,000 - Everything catch? 94 00:05:24,003 --> 00:05:27,000 - Yeah, kinda sucked, a lot. 95 00:05:27,003 --> 00:05:31,000 - Well, already I can tell, you're just a wellspring of enthusiasm. 96 00:05:31,003 --> 00:05:32,000 You got anything to drink? 97 00:05:32,003 --> 00:05:35,000 - My dad's got some scotch or something. 98 00:05:35,003 --> 00:05:36,000 - You got any Yoo-hoo? 99 00:05:39,003 --> 00:05:47,000 - Okay, Martin. 100 00:05:47,003 --> 00:05:48,000 Where's the nice farmer? 101 00:05:48,003 --> 00:05:51,000 Where is the nice farmer's wife? 102 00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:54,000 Where is my herbal tea? 103 00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:57,000 - I'm sorry, I thought it was a house. 104 00:05:57,003 --> 00:05:59,000 - And yet, I see sheep. 105 00:05:59,003 --> 00:06:01,000 It didn't-- 106 00:06:01,003 --> 00:06:02,000 - Dude, dude! 107 00:06:02,003 --> 00:06:05,000 - I am not having my baby here, I'm not. 108 00:06:05,003 --> 00:06:09,000 No, no, no, no, not with that cow staring at me. 109 00:06:09,003 --> 00:06:12,000 - Okay, okay, fine, let's go. 110 00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:14,000 - Go, you crazy, go there! 111 00:06:14,003 --> 00:06:16,000 - What, you wanna stay here? 112 00:06:16,003 --> 00:06:20,000 - Hello, I believe we have already discussed that opportunity. 113 00:06:20,003 --> 00:06:22,000 - All right, okay. 114 00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:26,000 Look, you stay here and I'll go for help, okay? 115 00:06:26,003 --> 00:06:28,000 - Don't leave me! 116 00:06:28,003 --> 00:06:31,000 Please, please, don't leave me. 117 00:06:31,003 --> 00:06:32,000 - Stop it! 118 00:06:32,003 --> 00:06:37,000 - I don't wanna have my baby in a fire. 119 00:06:40,003 --> 00:06:46,000 - Another scotch? 120 00:06:46,003 --> 00:06:49,000 I'm gonna make this one a double. 121 00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:51,000 Save you the trip later. 122 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,000 - You sure you wouldn't like some dinner, Mr. Charles? 123 00:06:54,003 --> 00:06:56,000 - All right, all right. 124 00:06:56,003 --> 00:06:58,000 Bring me that bowl of maraschino cherries. 125 00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:03,000 - Bon appetit. 126 00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:06,000 - Hey. 127 00:07:06,003 --> 00:07:09,000 Cheer up. 128 00:07:09,003 --> 00:07:11,000 'Tis the season to be jolly. 129 00:07:11,003 --> 00:07:14,000 - Oh man, just leave me alone. 130 00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:17,000 - Come on, come on, where's the mirth? 131 00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,000 Just Christmas, you know? 132 00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:21,000 - Christmas sucks. 133 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000 - What'd you say? 134 00:07:23,003 --> 00:07:26,000 - I said Christmas sucks. 135 00:07:26,003 --> 00:07:30,000 - Nobody. 136 00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:36,000 Nobody talks that way about Christmas to Santa Claus. 137 00:07:36,003 --> 00:07:38,000 Come on, step outside. 138 00:07:38,003 --> 00:07:39,000 - Hey, hey, hey, all right, all right, man. 139 00:07:39,003 --> 00:07:40,000 Just chill out. 140 00:07:40,003 --> 00:07:42,000 You just had too many little kids sitting on your lap. 141 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,000 Just sit down. 142 00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:50,000 - Oh, you think that I'm one of those phony department store Santas. 143 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:55,000 Well, I'll have you know that you were looking at the genuine article. 144 00:07:55,003 --> 00:08:02,000 - Well, I hate to break this to you, Virginia, but there is no Santa Claus. 145 00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:10,000 - Well, then I guess that you won't feel it when I do this. 146 00:08:13,003 --> 00:08:17,000 - Get out of here! 147 00:08:17,003 --> 00:08:19,000 - Come on, get out of here! 148 00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:23,000 - Yeah, and that's when I heard this voice in my head. 149 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,000 - This voice? 150 00:08:26,003 --> 00:08:31,000 - Yeah, yeah, it was a very calm, sincere voice, 151 00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:34,000 kind of like Harry Smith on the CBS morning news. 152 00:08:34,003 --> 00:08:37,000 - And what did this voice tell you? 153 00:08:37,003 --> 00:08:42,000 - The voice said, "Toby, it's time to have a new life. 154 00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:46,000 "Take a new road, become a nun.". 155 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,000 - You know, Santa Claus, how the hell do you know? 156 00:08:51,003 --> 00:08:52,000 First of all, you're black. 157 00:08:52,003 --> 00:08:56,000 What fucked up racist ghost is the Christmas that you grew up with? 158 00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:58,000 Aha, Santa would have never said fucked. 159 00:08:58,003 --> 00:09:03,000 - Yo, Mr. Charles, Mr. Kringle, you guys knock it off from calling the cops. 160 00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:04,000 I don't care if it is Christmas. 161 00:09:04,003 --> 00:09:08,000 - I don't know if you know any of the sisters 162 00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:10,291 over at St. Margaret's, but I wanna 163 00:09:10,303 --> 00:09:13,000 tell you, this was a tough bunch of nuns. 164 00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:17,000 I mean, these were definitely not your Dominique, nique kind of nuns. 165 00:09:17,003 --> 00:09:18,000 - What if that's the way you feel? 166 00:09:18,003 --> 00:09:20,000 Why do you want to become one yourself? 167 00:09:20,003 --> 00:09:21,000 - Oh, don't get me wrong. 168 00:09:21,003 --> 00:09:27,000 I love some nuns like Maria and how to solve a problem like Maria 169 00:09:27,003 --> 00:09:30,000 or Sister Betru, I loved her. 170 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,000 - Miss Petalby, the decision to devote oneself 171 00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:35,000 to Christ's work is a terrible serious one. 172 00:09:35,003 --> 00:09:37,000 Ideally, it should be based on something more 173 00:09:37,003 --> 00:09:40,000 than the hope of someday being able to fly. 174 00:09:40,003 --> 00:09:43,000 I'm sorry, I'm afraid we have no place for you here. 175 00:09:43,003 --> 00:09:46,000 - Oh no, please, you gotta let me. 176 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:49,000 Look, I know I'm not your regular nun type kind of person, 177 00:09:49,003 --> 00:09:53,000 but believe me, Sister, this is what God wants for me. 178 00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:55,000 Sister, you don't wanna start up with God. 179 00:09:55,003 --> 00:10:00,000 - Did I mention that I happen to be intermittently psychic? 180 00:10:00,003 --> 00:10:04,000 For instance, I know why you're all twisted up inside yourself tonight. 181 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,000 - You do? - Mm-hmm. 182 00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:07,000 It's about S-E-X, right? 183 00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:10,000 - Maybe. 184 00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:12,000 - You think you might be gay, right? 185 00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:15,000 - No, no, anything is the opposite. 186 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,000 - Uh-huh, I'm sure in time we'll understand exactly what that might mean. 187 00:10:19,003 --> 00:10:20,000 - No, no, no, no, look, forget it, all right, 188 00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:23,000 why don't you go see cats, they sing memories, you'll like it. 189 00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:26,401 - Shimmy Hawk, the little town that I'm 190 00:10:26,413 --> 00:10:30,000 from, has a population approximately less 191 00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:31,000 than this apartment building. 192 00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:34,000 Sometimes it gets so crazy, I just pick up the phone, 193 00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:37,000 dial me a number and start talking. 194 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,000 It's time it's your daddy, in fact. 195 00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:45,000 I found in my vast life experience, it's easier to talk to a stranger 196 00:10:45,003 --> 00:10:47,000 than Frank Whitley Moore-Rewarden. 197 00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:57,000 Richard was supposed to deliver the baby in warm water 198 00:10:57,003 --> 00:11:00,000 with music playing, then he composed himself. 199 00:11:00,003 --> 00:11:04,000 Now I have to have my baby on a thing. 200 00:11:04,003 --> 00:11:09,000 - We're gonna be okay, I mean, I'm here, 201 00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:11,769 you know, and all your little barnyard 202 00:11:11,781 --> 00:11:15,000 friends, I mean really, we're gonna be fine. 203 00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:17,000 Help! 204 00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:18,000 - Oh! 205 00:11:18,003 --> 00:11:19,000 - Help! 206 00:11:19,003 --> 00:11:21,000 - God! 207 00:11:21,003 --> 00:11:25,000 - Okay, okay, I lied, we're not gonna be fine. 208 00:11:25,003 --> 00:11:29,000 I'm not a doctor, I can't handle this, I can't, I can't. 209 00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:31,000 - Try, try, just try. 210 00:11:31,003 --> 00:11:35,000 - Are we kidding, we can't have a baby in a barn? 211 00:11:35,003 --> 00:11:36,000 Help! 212 00:11:36,003 --> 00:11:42,000 - I'm sorry I slapped you. 213 00:11:42,003 --> 00:11:44,000 - Totally justified, not to worry. 214 00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:51,000 - Look, we just have to remember everything we learned in birthing class. 215 00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:53,000 - First off, we get you in shape. 216 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:56,000 You skip rope till you think you're becoming a school girl. 217 00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:59,000 Then you start bouncing a rubber ball till you bounce like one yourself. 218 00:11:59,003 --> 00:12:01,000 - There you go, it's gonna be a snap. 219 00:12:01,003 --> 00:12:09,000 - Just leave me alone. 220 00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:11,000 - Oh, come on, take it. 221 00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:15,000 - Look, I'm sorry that I got so pissed. 222 00:12:15,003 --> 00:12:18,000 This is a really stressful time of year for me. 223 00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:24,000 You know, with all of the presents to deliver. 224 00:12:24,003 --> 00:12:32,000 - So now, for the rest of my life, whenever I think back in my first time, 225 00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:36,000 all I'm gonna see is that expression on Shannon's face, like, huh? 226 00:12:36,003 --> 00:12:39,000 Oh, and forget Christmas, you know, Christmas is fucked forever. 227 00:12:42,003 --> 00:12:46,000 First time I ever left Jimmy Hawkeye is 15 years old. 228 00:12:46,003 --> 00:12:50,000 My Aunt Jolene took me down to Dallas, see that fancy on I-Show? 229 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:53,000 I used to look just like cartoon characters more than real people. 230 00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:58,000 Anyway, after the show, I snuck backstage and I met Jimmy Buckets. 231 00:12:58,003 --> 00:13:00,000 Starred as Woofy the dog in the show. 232 00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:05,000 Got drunk on Orange Ne-Hyde Southern Comfort. 233 00:13:05,003 --> 00:13:08,000 And I ended up having sex for the very first time 234 00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:12,000 pressed up against one of those Zamboni machines. 235 00:13:12,003 --> 00:13:15,533 The whole time, all I kept thinking was, 236 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:19,000 I wish you'd take off that stupid head. 237 00:13:19,003 --> 00:13:21,000 - What? 238 00:13:21,003 --> 00:13:26,000 - Believe me, I know how important your first time is. 239 00:13:26,003 --> 00:13:32,000 - Remember when Jeremy was born? 240 00:13:32,003 --> 00:13:34,000 - God, it was such a nutcase. 241 00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:37,000 - Oh no! 242 00:13:37,003 --> 00:13:40,000 No, no, no, you weren't so bad. 243 00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:42,000 - Martin, you had to get stitches. 244 00:13:42,003 --> 00:13:45,000 - Well, it wasn't your finest hour. 245 00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:48,000 - You know, it's funny when I think back on that, 246 00:13:48,003 --> 00:13:52,000 I actually don't even remember the pain. 247 00:13:52,003 --> 00:13:54,000 - It is funny, I do. 248 00:13:54,003 --> 00:13:58,000 - Thank you for being here. 249 00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,000 No, I mean, you were right before. 250 00:14:00,003 --> 00:14:03,000 I am always dragging you back into my life and it's not fair. 251 00:14:05,003 --> 00:14:10,000 - I am really glad you're here. 252 00:14:10,003 --> 00:14:14,000 - Me too. 253 00:14:20,003 --> 00:14:20,000 - Oh God! 254 00:14:20,003 --> 00:14:21,000 - God! 255 00:14:21,003 --> 00:14:22,000 - God! 256 00:14:22,003 --> 00:14:23,000 - God! 257 00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:35,000 - Jeremy, honey, you've had one life alternate experience this evening. 258 00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:37,000 Maybe that's enough for one night. 259 00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:38,000 - I appreciate your concern. 260 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:45,000 You're not just doing this on a pity or something. 261 00:14:45,003 --> 00:14:47,000 I mean, that would be okay. 262 00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:48,000 I was just wondering. 263 00:14:48,003 --> 00:14:51,000 - I don't think you're cute as hell. 264 00:14:51,003 --> 00:14:56,000 Besides, I just hate the thought of Christmas being roomed for you forever. 265 00:14:56,003 --> 00:14:59,000 - Breathe. 266 00:14:59,003 --> 00:15:00,000 Breathe. 267 00:15:00,003 --> 00:15:01,000 Breathe. 268 00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:02,000 Breathe. 269 00:15:02,003 --> 00:15:03,000 I am breathing. 270 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:07,000 Listen very closely. 271 00:15:07,003 --> 00:15:09,000 This is the sound of me breathing. 272 00:15:09,003 --> 00:15:09,000 - Uh-huh. 273 00:15:09,003 --> 00:15:10,000 - Oh God! 274 00:15:10,003 --> 00:15:11,000 - Oh! 275 00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:12,000 - Uh-oh! 276 00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:13,000 - Oh! 277 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:24,000 - Now we're gonna take this real spot. 278 00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:28,000 I'm never the sex again. 279 00:15:28,003 --> 00:15:29,000 I'm never the sex again. 280 00:15:29,003 --> 00:15:30,000 - No, no, fight the pain. 281 00:15:30,003 --> 00:15:31,000 You'd conquer the pain. 282 00:15:31,003 --> 00:15:33,000 What does that mean, conquer the pain? 283 00:15:33,003 --> 00:15:35,000 You fucking conquer the pain! 284 00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:43,000 ? My friends will ride in armor ? 285 00:15:43,003 --> 00:15:46,000 ? Just to keep my hand ? 286 00:15:46,003 --> 00:15:48,489 - When you were having Jeremy, it wasn't 287 00:15:48,501 --> 00:15:51,000 about now they started giving you drugs. 288 00:15:53,003 --> 00:15:57,000 - I have to do it. 289 00:15:57,003 --> 00:15:58,000 Do it. 290 00:16:00,003 --> 00:16:07,000 - That was much better than last time. 291 00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:08,000 - Oh boy. 292 00:16:08,003 --> 00:16:12,000 Jeremy honey, I'd tell you. 293 00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:16,000 Well there's a certain improvisational nature to your technique. 294 00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:21,000 You've got some natural talent that is most impressive. 295 00:16:21,003 --> 00:16:26,000 What you thinking? 296 00:16:26,003 --> 00:16:28,000 - We do it again. 297 00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:34,000 - How could he have forgotten what this was like? 298 00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:35,000 - I don't know. 299 00:16:40,003 --> 00:16:44,989 So, how come you're not at home setting 300 00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:50,000 out to Stockins with the wife and kids? 301 00:16:50,003 --> 00:16:51,000 - Divorced. 302 00:16:51,003 --> 00:16:55,000 - Oh, I'm sorry. 303 00:16:55,003 --> 00:16:57,000 - No, no, no, no, no, man, don't be. 304 00:16:57,003 --> 00:16:59,000 I'm just not the married guy type. 305 00:16:59,003 --> 00:17:02,000 You know, I do much better with the single thing. 306 00:17:02,003 --> 00:17:08,000 - Getting drunk on Christmas Eve, eating cherries for dinner. 307 00:17:08,003 --> 00:17:11,000 What a life. 308 00:17:11,003 --> 00:17:16,000 - Hey, hey, why the hell aren't you at home with Mrs. Claus? 309 00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:20,000 - There is no Mrs. Claus. 310 00:17:20,003 --> 00:17:22,000 Some PR guy made her up. 311 00:17:24,003 --> 00:17:28,000 You know how people get when you work with kids. 312 00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:29,000 - Mm, yep. 313 00:17:29,003 --> 00:17:34,000 - It gets real lonely up at the pole. 314 00:17:34,003 --> 00:17:38,000 Of course, there are the elves, but we ain't close. 315 00:17:38,003 --> 00:17:39,000 - Uh-huh. 316 00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:48,000 - I'm getting too old man to be alone. 317 00:17:48,003 --> 00:17:53,000 There comes a time in a man's life when he just wants to be sure 318 00:17:53,003 --> 00:17:56,000 that somebody is gonna be there. 319 00:17:56,003 --> 00:17:59,000 - Somebody to curl up under the covers. 320 00:17:59,003 --> 00:18:02,000 Somebody to laugh at your jokes. 321 00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:08,000 And not take any of your crap. 322 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:11,000 - Yeah, I guess. 323 00:18:11,003 --> 00:18:12,000 - Don't guess. 324 00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:15,000 You don't wanna end up like me. 325 00:18:15,003 --> 00:18:18,000 - So what do I do? 326 00:18:18,003 --> 00:18:20,000 - I don't know, man. 327 00:18:20,003 --> 00:18:22,000 I just make the toys. 328 00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:35,000 - I fell off my stool. 329 00:18:38,003 --> 00:18:40,000 There I must be shit-faced. 330 00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:44,000 - And you understand in becoming the bride of Christ, 331 00:18:44,003 --> 00:18:46,000 you would have to take a vow of celibacy. 332 00:18:46,003 --> 00:18:49,000 Not a big change in my lifestyle, if you know what I mean. 333 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:53,000 And you'll be called on to relinquish all worldly possessions as well. 334 00:18:53,003 --> 00:18:54,000 - Not a problem. 335 00:18:54,003 --> 00:18:58,000 Although there is this armchair that Mr. Snuffles likes to sleep in. 336 00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:00,000 - And Mr. Snuffles would be? 337 00:19:00,003 --> 00:19:01,000 - My cat. 338 00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:05,000 Don't worry, he only yells when entertainment tonight is on. 339 00:19:05,003 --> 00:19:08,000 - Oh, we don't allow animals in the convent. 340 00:19:08,003 --> 00:19:09,000 - Wait a minute. 341 00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:10,000 You don't? 342 00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:11,000 Oh, he doesn't. 343 00:19:11,003 --> 00:19:14,000 - It's our policy. 344 00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:17,000 - It's crazy. 345 00:19:17,003 --> 00:19:21,000 I can't confort my babies. 346 00:19:21,003 --> 00:19:22,000 I can't. 347 00:19:22,003 --> 00:19:25,000 I just can't. 348 00:19:25,003 --> 00:19:27,000 Forget it. 349 00:19:27,003 --> 00:19:32,000 I don't wanna be part of any religion that doesn't allow pets. 350 00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:33,000 - Forget it. 351 00:19:33,003 --> 00:19:34,000 I'm not gonna do it. 352 00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:38,000 Forget it, I'm not gonna cut the umbilical cord with my teeth. 353 00:19:38,003 --> 00:19:41,000 - Martin, we were awfully close here. 354 00:19:41,003 --> 00:19:42,000 What do you propose we use? 355 00:19:45,003 --> 00:19:46,000 - Well, I don't know. 356 00:19:46,003 --> 00:19:48,086 I don't know, you can raise that baby still 357 00:19:48,098 --> 00:19:50,000 connected to your vagina for all I can. 358 00:19:50,003 --> 00:19:51,000 I'm not gonna do it. 359 00:19:51,003 --> 00:19:53,000 - What the hell are you doing in my barn? 360 00:19:53,003 --> 00:19:54,000 - Thank God. 361 00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:56,000 We need a doctor right away. 362 00:19:56,003 --> 00:19:58,000 - You're Richard Stone's wife, aren't you? 363 00:19:58,003 --> 00:20:01,000 - Yes, I am. 364 00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:02,000 Everybody's looking for you. 365 00:20:02,003 --> 00:20:04,000 It's all over the news and here you are in my barn. 366 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,000 I know this is so exciting. 367 00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:09,000 - Now would you please get us a doctor before I hit you with that bucket? 368 00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,000 - Well, that was uncalled for. 369 00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:23,000 - Night, Beth. 370 00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:27,000 Night, Beth. 371 00:20:27,003 --> 00:20:28,000 - Mm, mm. 372 00:20:28,003 --> 00:20:30,000 - One more time? 373 00:20:30,003 --> 00:20:31,000 - Mm. 374 00:20:31,003 --> 00:20:32,356 - Come on, come on, I'll probably be 375 00:20:32,368 --> 00:20:34,000 years before I get a chance to do it again. 376 00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:40,000 - Oh, Martin, it's coming. 377 00:20:40,003 --> 00:20:42,000 Oh, shh. 378 00:20:44,003 --> 00:20:46,000 - No, no, no, no, no, no, wait. 379 00:20:48,003 --> 00:20:48,000 - Wait. 380 00:20:48,003 --> 00:20:51,000 I'll be back with the doctor any second, you know. 381 00:20:51,003 --> 00:20:52,000 Just hold it in. 382 00:20:52,003 --> 00:20:55,000 - Oh, I don't think I can do this. 383 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:56,000 This is birth. 384 00:20:56,003 --> 00:20:57,000 - I don't care. 385 00:20:57,003 --> 00:20:58,000 I don't care. 386 00:20:58,003 --> 00:20:59,000 Just stop that baby. 387 00:20:59,003 --> 00:21:07,000 - Lord, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. 388 00:21:07,003 --> 00:21:11,000 I want to serve you and bask in your holy light, 389 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:14,000 but not if it means giving up Mr. Snuffles. 390 00:21:14,003 --> 00:21:16,000 Please, speak to me. 391 00:21:16,003 --> 00:21:18,000 I don't know what to do. 392 00:21:18,003 --> 00:21:20,000 Just give me a sign. 393 00:21:23,003 --> 00:21:40,000 - Well, it looks like a rabbit. 394 00:21:40,003 --> 00:21:44,000 - That's it. 395 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:46,000 I'm supposed to buy a rabbit. 396 00:21:48,003 --> 00:21:51,000 - Come on, Judith, hang in there. 397 00:21:51,003 --> 00:21:53,000 Hang in there, you can do it. 398 00:21:53,003 --> 00:21:55,000 - Martin, this is not the end I need you at. 399 00:21:55,003 --> 00:21:57,000 - I'm the plumber. 400 00:21:57,003 --> 00:21:59,000 I'm just hanging around in case something goes wrong with our pipes. 401 00:21:59,003 --> 00:22:01,000 - Right, right. 402 00:22:03,003 --> 00:22:06,000 Go. 403 00:22:06,003 --> 00:22:08,000 Go, I see something. 404 00:22:08,003 --> 00:22:09,000 I think I really see something. 405 00:22:09,003 --> 00:22:11,000 - What, what do you see? 406 00:22:11,003 --> 00:22:15,000 - Oh my God. 407 00:22:15,003 --> 00:22:16,000 - What, what is it? 408 00:22:16,003 --> 00:22:17,000 - What is it? 409 00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:20,000 - Oh, no, no, it's okay. 410 00:22:20,003 --> 00:22:21,000 It's just a foot. 411 00:22:21,003 --> 00:22:25,000 I thought it was a horrible little hand, you know, but it's just a foot. 412 00:22:25,003 --> 00:22:26,000 - A foot? 413 00:22:26,003 --> 00:22:28,000 It's not supposed to be a foot. 414 00:22:28,003 --> 00:22:29,000 It's breached. 415 00:22:29,003 --> 00:22:31,000 Oh God, Martin, it's breached. 416 00:22:31,003 --> 00:22:33,000 - Mayday, mayday. 417 00:22:33,003 --> 00:22:34,000 It's breached, it's breached. 418 00:22:34,003 --> 00:22:35,000 What do we do? 419 00:22:35,003 --> 00:22:36,000 - I don't know, I don't know. 420 00:22:36,003 --> 00:22:37,000 - What the shush? 421 00:22:37,003 --> 00:22:38,000 Should I pull it? 422 00:22:38,003 --> 00:22:39,000 - No, don't pull it. 423 00:22:39,003 --> 00:22:40,000 - Should I push it back in? 424 00:22:40,003 --> 00:22:42,000 - No, just, God. 425 00:22:42,003 --> 00:22:43,000 - What do you want me to do? 426 00:22:43,003 --> 00:22:45,000 - I don't know. 427 00:22:45,003 --> 00:22:46,000 - Let's do something! 428 00:22:48,003 --> 00:22:50,000 - I'm an amateur magician, how about a magic show? 429 00:22:50,003 --> 00:22:51,000 - Oh my God! 430 00:22:58,003 --> 00:23:00,000 - Oh, Richard! 431 00:23:03,003 --> 00:23:12,000 - Hold this for me, will you, Martin? 432 00:23:12,003 --> 00:23:13,000 - I knew you'd come. 433 00:23:16,003 --> 00:23:24,000 - You're ready to push. 434 00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:25,000 - Good. 435 00:23:25,003 --> 00:23:26,000 - Now push. 436 00:23:32,003 --> 00:23:39,000 - We have a son. 437 00:23:44,003 --> 00:23:48,000 - It's a miracle. 438 00:23:50,003 --> 00:23:59,000 - He's beautiful. 439 00:23:59,003 --> 00:24:00,000 - He is. 440 00:24:00,003 --> 00:24:03,000 He looks just like you. 441 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,393 - This is a private conversation, but 442 00:24:12,405 --> 00:24:14,000 no extras in the scene, run along with it. 443 00:24:17,003 --> 00:24:31,000 - Peace on Earth, good will to men. 444 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:43,000 - Uh, Mary Beth, I'm never gonna forget this night. 445 00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:45,000 - Well, I should hope not. 446 00:24:45,003 --> 00:24:48,000 - I'll send you a card every Christmas. 447 00:24:48,003 --> 00:24:49,000 - I'd like that. 448 00:24:51,003 --> 00:24:57,000 - Mary Beth, is seven times really that much? 449 00:24:57,003 --> 00:25:02,000 - Let's just say men have died from last. 450 00:25:02,003 --> 00:25:04,000 Take care, honey. 451 00:25:10,003 --> 00:25:17,000 - Merry Christmas. 452 00:25:17,003 --> 00:25:18,000 - Thank you. 453 00:25:23,003 --> 00:25:32,000 - Jeremy? 454 00:25:32,003 --> 00:25:33,000 - Dad. 455 00:25:33,003 --> 00:25:36,000 - Come here. 456 00:25:39,003 --> 00:25:40,000 - Merry Christmas. 457 00:25:40,003 --> 00:25:42,000 - Are you okay? 458 00:25:42,003 --> 00:25:42,000 - Yeah. 459 00:25:42,003 --> 00:25:44,000 - I'm happy too. 460 00:25:44,003 --> 00:25:46,000 This was the most amazing night. 461 00:25:46,003 --> 00:25:48,000 You have a brother. 462 00:25:48,003 --> 00:25:49,000 - Cool, all right. 463 00:25:49,003 --> 00:25:53,000 - Hey. 464 00:25:53,003 --> 00:25:56,000 Come here. 465 00:25:56,003 --> 00:26:02,000 What are you doing up so early? 466 00:26:02,003 --> 00:26:03,003 - Uh. 467 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,000 - Oh. 468 00:26:07,003 --> 00:26:08,000 Oh. 469 00:26:08,003 --> 00:26:09,339 Just couldn't wait to get under that 470 00:26:09,351 --> 00:26:11,000 Christmas tree and open those presents, huh? 471 00:26:11,003 --> 00:26:15,000 - Yeah, yeah, that's it, the presents. 472 00:26:18,003 --> 00:26:21,000 - Oh. 473 00:26:21,003 --> 00:26:23,000 - All right, all right, so he's cute. 474 00:26:23,003 --> 00:26:25,000 He's not cute, he's perfect. 475 00:26:25,003 --> 00:26:28,000 - He looks just like Richard, only younger. 476 00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:29,000 I love babies. 477 00:26:29,003 --> 00:26:31,000 - Wow, look at this. 478 00:26:31,003 --> 00:26:33,000 This kid's making out like a bandit, huh? 479 00:26:33,003 --> 00:26:34,000 - Oh well, you know the Wisemans. 480 00:26:34,003 --> 00:26:36,000 I mean, they never know when to stop. 481 00:26:36,003 --> 00:26:39,000 - Just a coincidence. 482 00:26:39,003 --> 00:26:40,000 - Judith, he's gorgeous. 483 00:26:40,003 --> 00:26:43,000 - Could you ever see yourself having one? 484 00:26:43,003 --> 00:26:44,000 - Maybe. 485 00:26:44,003 --> 00:26:47,000 What? 486 00:26:47,003 --> 00:26:49,000 What, it could happen. 487 00:26:49,003 --> 00:26:49,000 You never know. 488 00:26:49,003 --> 00:26:53,000 - So, how were all your Christmases? 489 00:26:53,003 --> 00:26:55,000 Well? 490 00:26:55,003 --> 00:26:55,000 - Yeah. 491 00:26:55,003 --> 00:27:00,000 - Uh, this is... - Mary. 492 00:27:00,003 --> 00:27:02,000 - Jeremy, you look taller somehow. 493 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,000 - I got him new sneakers. 494 00:27:04,003 --> 00:27:07,000 - Oh, are you precious? 495 00:27:07,003 --> 00:27:10,621 Excuse me, but shouldn't we take a moment 496 00:27:10,633 --> 00:27:14,000 to remember another person born today? 497 00:27:14,003 --> 00:27:18,000 - Barbara Mandrell. 498 00:27:18,003 --> 00:27:21,000 - Maybe we should let the new mother get some sleep. 499 00:27:21,003 --> 00:27:28,000 - Martin, I just wanted to thank you for... 500 00:27:28,003 --> 00:27:30,000 Well, for everything. 501 00:27:30,003 --> 00:27:32,000 I couldn't have gotten through it without you. 502 00:27:32,003 --> 00:27:34,000 - No, no, no, really, it was Richard. 503 00:27:34,003 --> 00:27:37,000 - No, no, you were terrific. 504 00:27:37,003 --> 00:27:39,917 And, well, we would really like you to do 505 00:27:39,929 --> 00:27:43,000 us the honor of being the baby's godfather. 506 00:27:43,003 --> 00:27:45,000 - Really? 507 00:27:45,003 --> 00:27:47,000 - Yeah. 508 00:27:47,003 --> 00:27:49,000 - You can count on me. 509 00:27:49,003 --> 00:27:50,000 - I'd be honored. 510 00:27:50,003 --> 00:27:52,000 I mean, to do the honor. 511 00:27:53,003 --> 00:27:55,000 - So is it a grace? 512 00:28:00,003 --> 00:28:07,000 - Excuse me for interrupting, but have you ever noticed 513 00:28:07,003 --> 00:28:11,000 that the water stain in your bathtub looks an awful lot like Moses? 514 00:28:11,003 --> 00:28:14,000 ? Christmas time is always here ? 515 00:28:14,003 --> 00:28:16,000 ? Now it's here, now it's here ? 516 00:28:16,003 --> 00:28:18,000 ? Bringing out the joy of cheer ? 517 00:28:18,003 --> 00:28:22,000 ? La, la, la, la, la ? 36636

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