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1
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,590
He's open...
2
00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:09,590
he's open!
3
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,600
Touchdown!
4
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:16,100
( doorbell rings )
5
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,600
Hi there.
6
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,110
Dennis Lundy,
Domestic Cleaning Consultant.
7
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,110
A door-to-door
vacuum cleaner salesman?
8
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:27,610
I thought you guys
went out with hula hoops.
9
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,110
Yeah,
we're a dying breed.
10
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:31,110
I'm a fourth-generation
vac man myself.
11
00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:33,120
May I show you my product?
12
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,120
Uh, I really don't need
a vacuum.
13
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,620
Well, you do now.
14
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,120
Hey, what, what
are you doing?
15
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,120
That's a move
Grandpa showed me.
16
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,630
And that got him slugged
what percentage of the time?
17
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,630
All right,
come on in.
18
00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:47,130
Just clean this mess up
19
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,630
and then,
get out of here, okay?
20
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:50,130
Exactly what I'm planning
to do, my friend.
21
00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:53,640
Now, this Hosemaster
is an engineering miracle.
22
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,140
This bad boy has got
the cleaning power
23
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,640
of three, count them,
three, hurricanes.
24
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,640
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Just clean it up.
25
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:01,640
Done.
26
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:03,650
Done?
27
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:05,650
Wow.
28
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:07,150
It just sucked it right up.
29
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,150
I didn't even hear
you turn it on.
30
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:12,160
That's the patented
"whisper drive."
31
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,660
Care to, uh, take her out
for a spin?
32
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:18,160
Uh, n-no, really, we
already have a vacuum cleaner.
33
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,660
But you don't have
the Hosemaster
34
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:24,670
with the unconditional
lifetime eternal guarantee.
35
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:27,170
Listen, I am trying
to watch the playoffs.
36
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:31,170
For the last time, I am not
going to buy a vacuum cleaner.
37
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:34,180
Man, this thing
is unbelievable.
38
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,680
They're starting
the overtime.
39
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:37,680
Who cares?
40
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,680
Lift your feet.
41
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,190
Again?
42
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,700
Joe, you vacuumed
the whole house last night.
43
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,700
The spores,
Helen, the spores.
44
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,200
You've got to
get the spores.
45
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,200
Give it a rest,
will you?
46
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,710
Okay. All right.
47
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,210
Ah! I love that!
48
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:13,220
Ooh. This is one
kick-ass machine.
49
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:16,220
Morning, guys.
50
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:17,720
HELEN:
Morning.
51
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,720
Oh, Joe,
I'm done with the bathroom
52
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,720
and I spilled some talcum powder
on the floor.
53
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,730
Go knock yourself out.
54
00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:26,230
Thanks. I owe you.
55
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,730
HELEN:
Joe!
56
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,730
Don't you have
an early flight this morning?
57
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:30,730
Oh, oh, that's right.
58
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,740
Oh, geez,
I better put this away.
59
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:33,740
Uh, no, I'll do it.
60
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:35,240
Wait. Helen, I don't know.
61
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:38,740
There are very specific
storage procedures.
62
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:40,240
I know.
Don't you remember?
63
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,750
Last night, you popped open
a bottle of champagne
64
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,250
and made me watch
the instructional video.
65
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:46,750
Just go ahead.
Let's get going.
66
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:47,750
Okay. Oh, damn.
67
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,250
I didn't realize
it was so late.
68
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:53,260
Yeah, I guess time really flies
when you're sucking up dirt.
69
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:56,260
You know, it really does.
70
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:00,760
What do you think?
71
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:01,760
Should we fire it up
72
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,270
and see what the fuss
is all about?
73
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,270
Well, why not?
74
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:06,270
Be a nice change of pace
75
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,270
to see a woman
vacuum around here.
76
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:19,780
Whoo! Boy, this baby's got
some ponies under the hood.
77
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:26,290
(vacuum clanking)
That must be the patented
"whisper drive!"
78
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:31,290
Oh, that wasn't
in the video.
79
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:39,800
Hey, Hackett,
80
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,810
do I have any food
in my teeth?
81
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:48,810
Roy, I told you yesterday, yes.
82
00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:53,320
Look, uh,
I was wondering if
83
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,320
you could do me a favor.
84
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:58,320
Just as long
as there's no flossing involved.
85
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,320
All right, favor number two.
86
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:04,830
Uh, my niece, Lydia is coming
to the island for a few days...
87
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,830
Yes, I-I see.
I see where this is going.
88
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:10,830
Listen, Roy, uh, I'm sure
that any niece of yours
89
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,340
would have to be...
90
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:14,840
well, there's no other word
for it-- dreamy--
91
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,340
but, uh...
92
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,840
it just so happens that
I'm going to be busy
93
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:22,350
for the next, uh, however long
she's going to be here.
94
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:23,350
Relax, Hackett,
I was just going to ask you
95
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,850
if you could recommend
some fun places we could go.
96
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:27,850
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
97
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,850
Uncle Roy.
98
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,350
Hey, Lydia!
99
00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:32,860
( chuckling )
100
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,360
How are you, kiddo?
101
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,860
I'm great now that I'm
with my favorite uncle.
102
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,860
Oh, you look terrific.
103
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:39,860
New hair oil?
104
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,870
You got to stay current.
105
00:04:43,870 --> 00:04:44,870
I-I don't believe this.
106
00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:47,870
Fay, Fay, do you see
that beautiful woman over there?
107
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,870
That's Roy's niece.
108
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:53,380
She's related to Roy?
109
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:55,380
I know.
110
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,880
What possible side
of the family
111
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,880
could she be from?
112
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,380
None. It's got
"switched at birth"
113
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:02,890
written all over it.
114
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:05,890
Hey there, Roy.
115
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,390
Uh, aren't you going
to introduce us?
116
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,390
Oh, yeah,
where are my manners?
117
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:12,400
Uh, Hackett,
uh, this is Lydia.
118
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,400
Lydia, this is the guy
who was running for cover
119
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,900
when he thought
you were an "oogly."
120
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,400
( forced laugh )
121
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,400
Roy, you're such a big funny.
122
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,910
You know, Uncle Roy, I
am really looking forward
123
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:24,910
to us spending the
next few days together.
124
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,910
Me, too, honey, and since
it's your first night here,
125
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,910
what do you say we
pull out all the stops
126
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:29,910
and go out for Polish.
127
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,410
Mind if I join you?
128
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:32,420
Well, fine with me,
129
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:34,420
if it's okay with
you, Uncle Roy.
130
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:36,420
What do you say, Uncle Roy?
131
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:37,920
Forget it, Hackett.
132
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,420
I haven't seen Lydia
in a long time.
133
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:40,920
We got a lot of
catching up to do.
134
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,430
It's on me.
135
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:43,930
Taste Of Warsaw, 7:00.
136
00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:46,430
Hey. So, how'd it go
at the vacuum repair shop?
137
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,430
Can he fix it?
138
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,930
They won't know
till they take it apart.
139
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:52,440
How am I gonna tell Joe?
140
00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,440
Oh, well, just look him straight
in the eye
141
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,440
and tell him
the cleaning lady did it.
142
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,440
He is the cleaning lady.
143
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:04,450
Helen, I don't know
what you're so worried about.
144
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:07,450
I mean, for God's sakes, it's
just a stupid vacuum cleaner.
145
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,950
Yeah, I guess you're right.
146
00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:11,950
I mean, it's not
like it's the only thing
going on in his life.
147
00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:15,960
840 watts of pure cleaning
muscle, my friend.
148
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,460
Wow!
149
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,960
I-I thought my carpet sweeper
packed a wallop.
150
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,970
Tell me about the accessories.
151
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:25,970
It has got a crevice tool
that'll break your heart.
152
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:26,970
Oh...!
153
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,970
Ten inch or 20?
154
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,470
Oh, you dog!
155
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:34,980
You, you sprung for the big boy,
didn't you?
156
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:37,980
You don't go halfway when
you buy a thrill machine.
157
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,480
Ah, what I wouldn't give
158
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,990
to get my hands
on a hellcat like that.
159
00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:45,490
Well, I think maybe
I could arrange that.
160
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:46,990
Don't tease me.
161
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,490
I'm not teasing.
162
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:49,990
Tomorrow night,
you stop by my house,
163
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,990
we'll take a look at the
instructional video,
164
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:54,000
I'll let you take it for
a lap around the area rug.
165
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,000
Hey, what's going on, guys?
166
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,000
Hosemaster party
167
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,000
tomorrow night,
your place.
168
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,510
We're going to
get down and dirty.
169
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,010
Um, Joe,
170
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,010
I have to talk to you.
171
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:11,010
I was just thinking
172
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:14,020
that we've been given
so much in our lives.
173
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:17,020
I mean, we have a good
home, we love each other
174
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,020
so even though the
vacuum's broken...
175
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,520
Uh, hey, the,
the vacuum's broken?
176
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,030
W-What did you do?
177
00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:24,530
Did you vacuum up
something you shouldn't have?
178
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:25,530
Did you take it outside?
179
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:28,030
You didn't vacuum
the driveway, did you?
180
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,530
All I did was turn it on.
181
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:32,040
Without supervision?
182
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,040
Oh, damn!
183
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,540
I blame myself for this.
184
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:37,040
I should have activated
the childproof lock.
185
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:41,040
Joe, would you
just calm down?
186
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,050
I took it to
the repair shop.
187
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:46,050
Okay, well, I just hope
it's going to be all right.
188
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,550
Listen, Joe, it's
out of our hands.
189
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:50,550
All we can do
now is pray.
190
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,070
Mr. Lundy?
191
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:03,570
I just heard what happened.
192
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:04,570
How is it?
193
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:05,570
Relax, Mr. Hackett.
194
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,570
She's purring like a kitten.
195
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:08,570
In fact, you can take her home.
196
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:11,070
Oh...! Oh, what a relief.
197
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:12,580
See?
198
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:14,080
I told you everything
was going to be all right.
199
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,580
That'll be $185.
200
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:17,580
What?
201
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,580
Uh, you said it was
unconditionally,
202
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,090
eternally guaranteed.
203
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,590
No, I didn't.
204
00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:27,090
Yes, you did; those
were your exact words.
205
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,090
No, that wasn't me.
206
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,590
That was... my twin.
207
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,600
Your twin?
208
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,100
Right. I do repairs
and he does sales.
209
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,600
Oh, okay.
210
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,100
Well, then, uh, why don't
we talk to your twin
211
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,100
and see what he has
to say about it?
Where is he?
212
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,610
No idea.
213
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,110
We're not that close.
214
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:46,610
Look, this
is ridiculous.
215
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:49,110
Just tell me
who to write the check out to.
216
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:50,610
No, w-wait,
what are you doing?
217
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:51,610
You put that away.
218
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:52,620
This guy's a liar.
219
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,120
We are not paying you
one dime.
220
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,120
Well, then you're not gonna
get your vacuum back.
221
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,620
Now, you listen, pal,
222
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:01,120
right now, airborne dust
is settling in my house.
223
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,630
You don't want to mess with me.
224
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:04,630
Now, boys, boys, boys.
225
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:07,130
We all know
that emotions run high
226
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,130
when a vacuum's at stake
227
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:13,140
so why don't we come back
when everybody settles down?
228
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:14,140
That's fine.
229
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:15,640
I should tell you though
230
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,640
if you don't pay for it
in 30 days
231
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,140
I'm going to sell it.
232
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,640
You wouldn't dare!
233
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,150
You're right.
I wouldn't.
234
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:25,150
But my twin would.
235
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,160
Ah, Fay, Fay.
236
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,660
What is it about
having a great night
237
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,660
with a beautiful woman
238
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,660
that just puts
a smile on your face?
239
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:45,170
How the hell
would I know?
240
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:46,170
No, no.
241
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,670
I was talking about me
and Roy's niece, Lydia.
242
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:52,180
You're dating a Biggins?
243
00:09:52,170 --> 00:09:53,680
Yeah, she's...
244
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,180
she's terrific.
245
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:59,180
But, Brian,
she's a Biggins.
246
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,680
I don't care.
I'm not ashamed.
247
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,690
Well, I am, but I don't care.
248
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:07,190
Hey, Roy,
I just want to tell you
249
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:10,190
I had a fantastic time
last night.
250
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,190
I really like Lydia.
251
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:14,200
In face, I was thinking of
asking her out again tonight.
252
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,200
You got it, pal.
253
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,700
Tonight, how about
the three of us...?
254
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,700
Oh, no, no, no.
255
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:21,700
Actually, I was thinking that
it would just be me and Lydia.
256
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:22,710
You know?
257
00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:24,210
Just you and Lydia?
258
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:25,710
Well, what am I
supposed to do?
259
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,210
Well, Roy, uh...
260
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:30,210
I don't know
how to say this
261
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,710
but I don't care.
262
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:33,720
Let me lay this
out for you, Hackett--
263
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,220
you want to see Lydia
264
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,720
you got to show me
a good time.
265
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,220
All right, I see.
266
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:42,730
All right, I was thinking about
maybe having a little dinner.
267
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:44,730
Just dinner?
On a second date?
268
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:46,230
Forget it.
269
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,230
Wait, wait.
270
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,730
Did I just say dinner?
271
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:50,730
I meant dinner in New York.
272
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:51,730
I'm listening.
273
00:10:51,730 --> 00:10:52,740
And a Broadway show.
274
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,740
Throw in some ice skating
at Rockefeller Center,
275
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:56,240
you got yourself a date.
276
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,740
Great, I'll pick you up
at 6:00.
277
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,740
Make it 6:30.
278
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:01,240
I got to wash my hair.
279
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,750
Look, you have got to put me
through to Mike Wallace.
280
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,750
I am telling you, this is going
to blow the lid off
281
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,250
the whole door-to-door vacuum
cleaner sales
282
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:13,260
and repair industry.
283
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:14,760
Hello?
284
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:15,760
Hello?
285
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,260
Hi, Joe. How's it going?
286
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:20,260
It's unbelievable, Helen.
287
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:21,760
No one cares.
288
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,270
I called the police,
289
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:24,770
the Better Business Bureau,
290
00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:26,270
even a guy
named Freddie Eyelids
291
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:27,270
who said it wasn't worth
292
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,270
strapping on
the brass knuckles for.
293
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:31,770
Listen, Joe, I hate to say this
294
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:35,280
but let's just give
Mr. Lundy the 185 bucks
295
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,280
and just be done with it.
296
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,280
No way. No way.
297
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,280
He sold that to me
298
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:41,280
with an unconditional
eternal guarantee.
299
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,290
Now, I am not letting
that sleazeball rip us off.
300
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:45,790
It's a matter of principal.
301
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,290
In the Old West,
do you know what
302
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,290
would have happened
if one man stole
303
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,790
another man's vacuum?
304
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,800
Well, Joe,
those were rugged times.
305
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,800
I make a lot of promises, Helen,
306
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,300
but I swear to you
by all I hold dear
307
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,310
that by 6:00 tonight
308
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:05,810
I am coming home
with a Hosemaster.
309
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,810
You're a good man,
Joe Hackett.
310
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,320
Thanks again, Mr. Lundy.
311
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,320
You're the best.
312
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,820
Anytime, Mrs. Harrison.
313
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,820
Hi, Mr. Lundy.
314
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,830
Well, if it isn't
the nut job's wife.
315
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:26,830
Bring your checkbook?
316
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,330
Well, I was thinking.
317
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,330
I think we got off
on the wrong foot the other day.
318
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:33,840
So as a peace offering,
I made you some oatmeal cookies.
319
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,840
Go ahead. Have one.
320
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,840
You first.
321
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:40,840
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
322
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,350
They're not poisoned.
323
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:44,350
How could you be so suspicious?
324
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:46,850
It's happened before.
325
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,350
Once poisoned, twice shy.
326
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:50,850
Oh, you're so funny.
327
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:53,360
Well, go ahead. Have one.
328
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,860
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
329
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,860
Okay, look...
330
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,370
Oh, you missed one.
331
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,370
Look, if you
want your vacuum,
332
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,870
write me a check.
333
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:11,870
Otherwise, take
your plate and go.
334
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:13,880
Well, I can't write a check.
335
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,880
Well, then, I've
got work to do.
336
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,380
I can't... I can't write a check
because, um...
337
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:21,880
because we're broke.
338
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:22,890
Broke?
339
00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:25,390
You just spent $400
on a vacuum cleaner.
340
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:27,390
That thing cost $400?
341
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,890
Boy, my husband is a nut job.
342
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:33,400
LUNDY:
Yeah, your life,
your problem.
343
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,400
Now, if you'll
excuse me...
344
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,400
No, please,
listen to me.
345
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,900
What is it?
346
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,400
Well, see...
347
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,400
um...
348
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,910
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late,
Mr. Lundy.
349
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,410
Thunder had to go
number four.
350
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:47,910
LUNDY:
No excuses.
351
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,910
I want you to take that vacuum
over to my wife's brother
352
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:51,910
and tell him if the
check bounces again
353
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:53,420
he's gonna have
to answer to Thunder.
354
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,420
Yes, sir.
355
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,420
Go on in the back, boy.
356
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:57,420
No! Wait!
357
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,420
Oh, just look
at that little dog.
358
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,920
Hello, little puppy.
359
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,430
I'm done.
( growls )
360
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:03,930
He hates people.
361
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,430
He only likes me.
362
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:07,430
Go on in the
back, boy, yeah.
363
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,430
Mr. Lundy...
364
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:09,930
Yes. Mrs. Hackett...
365
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,430
I've got some work
to do now,
366
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,440
so if you'll
just excuse me...
( Thunder growling )
367
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,940
Quiet Thunder!
368
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:18,440
Listen, uh,
what I would like...
369
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,440
Play with Mr. Chewy.
370
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,950
( crashing )
371
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:25,950
JOE:
Help! Get him off me!
372
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:28,450
Please, don't eat me.
373
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,450
Good boy, Thunder.
374
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:32,960
Way to go. Come on.
375
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:35,960
Well...
376
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,460
what are you doing here?
377
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:38,960
Um, I'm sorry.
378
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:39,960
Have we met?
379
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,470
I'm Joe's twin brother, Bob.
380
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:43,470
Oh, please.
381
00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:45,970
You were trying
to steal your vacuum.
382
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:47,470
Look, I'm not
trying to steal anything.
383
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,470
I'm just trying
to take what's mine.
384
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:51,970
Come on, let's just
pay him the $185
and get out of here.
385
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:53,480
No, it's not $185 anymore.
386
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,980
No, now it's a thousand.
387
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:56,480
A thousand?
388
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,480
Mm-hmm, and if you don't pay it,
I'm pressing charges.
389
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,480
For what?
390
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,980
Attempted grand theft
391
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,490
and destruction of property.
392
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:03,990
Well, yeah, good luck
trying to prove it.
393
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,490
Yeah, it's your word
against ours.
394
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:06,990
I don't think so.
395
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:07,990
See, I got a security camera
in here
396
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,490
that's been recording
everything.
397
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:12,490
So if you don't pay it,
I'll show that tape in court.
398
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:16,000
Yeah, right. Nice bluff.
399
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,500
A security camera
in this dump.
400
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,000
What do you think we are,
a couple of idiots?
401
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,000
Let me tell you something.
402
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,510
I am going to get
that vacuum back
403
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,010
one way or another.
404
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,010
So when you come down here
one morning,
405
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:27,510
that window is broken and that
vacuum is gone,
406
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,510
just know that Joe Hackett
was the one who did it.
407
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:33,520
Joe Hackett...
408
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,520
Hey, Roy, listen.
409
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,030
Uh, I've been thinking.
410
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:48,030
I want to have a really romantic
evening with Lydia tonight
411
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:51,530
so I booked a cozy little booth
at the Bay Tower Room in Boston
412
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,540
for the three of us.
413
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,040
Yeah, Hackett, that
sounds great, but...
414
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,540
W-W-Wait. I'm not
finished yet.
415
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,040
Belgian truffles, Roy...
416
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,040
Oh...
417
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,550
Your favorite.
418
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,550
Oh, Hackett...
419
00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:08,550
I'm afraid I'm going to have to
lay this on the line
420
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:11,050
for you, Hackett.
421
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:13,560
We can't see you anymore.
422
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,560
What? Wha...?
423
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,060
Did I do something wrong?
424
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,560
I can change.
425
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,060
No, no, no, no, no.
426
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:21,060
It's not you-- it's us.
427
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:24,570
But I-I thought
we had something... special.
428
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,570
Sure, we had some laughs,
but, uh...
429
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:29,070
to tell you the truth,
we met someone else.
430
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:31,070
Wow, I...
431
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:32,580
I feel so...
432
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:34,080
cheap.
433
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,080
You used me.
434
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,080
Hackett, we never promised you
anything.
435
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,580
Don't torture yourself.
436
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:43,090
Move on; we have.
437
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:45,090
Uncle Roy,
are you ready?
438
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:46,090
All set.
439
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,590
These are for you.
440
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,090
( chuckling ):
Oh, you...
441
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:51,590
You shouldn't have.
442
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,100
Yep.
443
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:02,100
10:00 tomorrow morning,
your office.
444
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:04,110
Okay, thanks. Bye.
445
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,610
Helen, I got some great news.
446
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,110
I just got off the phone
447
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,610
with some attorneys
in Boston.
448
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:10,610
For only $500 an hour
449
00:17:10,610 --> 00:17:14,120
we can have our very own
vacuum cleaner dream team.
450
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:18,120
Joe, you've got to get
some perspective here.
451
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,620
It's just a vacuum.
452
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:21,620
We'll get you
another one.
453
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:25,130
It is not just a vacuum;
it's a Hosemaster!
454
00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:28,630
But more importantly,
it's the principle of the thing.
455
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,630
I don't care about
the principle.
456
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:33,640
All I want is for my husband
to be a whole man again,
457
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,140
standing on a chair,
vacuuming the drapes...
458
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:39,140
Don't you think
I want that, too?
459
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:40,640
Look, Joe.
460
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,640
I just got back
from the bank.
461
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,150
I got a cashier's check
for $1,000.
462
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:49,150
Let's give it to Mr. Lundy
and get on with our lives.
463
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,150
Please, Joe!
I'm begging you.
464
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:53,160
Stop the madness.
465
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,660
( sighing )
466
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:56,160
Okay... okay.
467
00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:57,660
Oh, honey...
468
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:00,660
It's just... it kills me
to think of that sleaze bag
469
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:01,660
getting away with this.
470
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,670
I know, but you got to admit
471
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:06,670
this whole thing has
gotten out of control.
472
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,170
Yeah, I guess you're right.
473
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,170
It really has gone too far.
474
00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:12,170
( phone rings )
475
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,180
Hello?
476
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,180
What?
477
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:17,680
When?
478
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,180
Who-who is this?
479
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:21,680
Hel-Hello? Hello?
480
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,190
They hung up.
481
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:24,190
Who was it?
482
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:25,690
It was some guy.
483
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:28,690
He said he's got information
about my vacuum cleaner
484
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,190
I'll be very interested in.
485
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:31,690
He wants to meet me
in the terminal at midnight.
486
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,700
Oh...
487
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,700
Now, that is just insane.
488
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:39,700
I am so glad that
we have put this
craziness behind us.
489
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,700
Finally! A break
in this case.
490
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,710
Oh, we shouldn't
have come here.
491
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:54,220
I don't like the looks
of this place.
492
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:57,220
What are you talking about?
It's the terminal.
493
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,220
I know.
494
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,720
I've been meaning to
tell you for years.
495
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,720
I don't like the looks
of this place.
496
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,730
It needs a coat of
paint, something...
497
00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:06,730
MAN (over PA):
Joe Hackett...
498
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,730
Wha-What is it?
499
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,230
Who are you? Where are you?
500
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:11,730
What is all this about?
501
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:14,240
You stumbled
on to something--
502
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,740
something bigger
than a Hosemaster...
503
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:20,740
even bigger
than a Hosemaster 2000.
504
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,240
A "Hosemaster 2000"?
505
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,250
I thought I had
the top of the line.
506
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:28,750
( evil laughter )
507
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,750
You fool!
508
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:34,260
( evil laughter )
509
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,260
Ow!
510
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:36,760
What'd you do that for?
511
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,260
It's the guy from
the vacuum store.
512
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:40,260
No names.
513
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:42,260
My whole career's at stake.
514
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:43,770
What are you doing here?
515
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:46,770
Teddy-- Teddy Kolb.
Nice to meet you.
516
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,770
What is all this about, Teddy?
517
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,270
This is from the store's
security camera.
518
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:54,780
I know what Lundy's
been doing to you,
519
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,280
and I know it's wrong.
520
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,280
And this tape is gonna help you
get back at him.
521
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,280
We already know
what's on that tape.
522
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,290
Oh, but you don't know
what's on this tape.
523
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:07,290
I must say, Mr. Lundy,
you always give me
the best service.
524
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,290
Dennis...
525
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,790
Wanda!
526
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,790
( both moaning )
527
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,300
What about that?
528
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,800
So what?
529
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,800
It's just two clumsy
people having sex
530
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,800
in the back of
a repair shop.
531
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,810
And that is not
the way you use
that attachment.
532
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:30,310
Teddy...
533
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,310
Oh, no, no, no.
534
00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:32,310
This is my favorite part.
535
00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:33,320
Ooh...
536
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,320
Okay, it's over.
537
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,820
Look, look, look.
538
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:42,320
This is very interesting
and moderately stimulating,
539
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,830
but, you know, how is
this going to help us?
540
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:49,330
Because the woman in the tape
with Mr. Lundy
541
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:50,830
is not Mr. Lundy's wife.
542
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:52,830
When he finds out
you have this tape,
543
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:55,840
he'll be happy to trade it
for your Hosemaster.
544
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,340
Or maybe even
a Hosemaster 2000!
545
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:00,340
Well, finally,
546
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,340
this nightmare is over.
547
00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:03,850
But-but wait a minute.
548
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:06,850
Why are you doing this?
What is in this for you?
549
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:09,350
Lundy's been ripping people off
for years.
550
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:13,360
I think it's just time
somebody stood up to him.
551
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,860
Oh, Teddy, we really appreciate
you giving us this tape.
552
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,860
I want you to know that
I really admire a man
553
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,360
who stands up
for his principles.
554
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:20,860
Well, thank you.
555
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:24,370
Oh, but there's just one
other... little thing.
556
00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:28,370
Okay, let's see.
557
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:33,380
50 Bucks to replace a pair
of dog-eaten trousers...
558
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:38,880
$150 for the consultation
with the vacuum dream team
559
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:45,390
and, of course, the $1,500
we paid Teddy for the videotape.
560
00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:46,890
And the total comes to...
561
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:49,890
$1,700 to get back
a vacuum cleaner
562
00:21:49,890 --> 00:21:52,890
that we could have had
for 185 bucks.
563
00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:56,400
It feels good to win,
doesn't it, Helen?
564
00:22:03,910 --> 00:22:05,410
There you go.
You think you're
ready to solo?
565
00:22:05,410 --> 00:22:06,410
I watched the video
566
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:08,910
and I did pretty well
on the written test, so...
567
00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:10,410
yeah, I'm ready.
568
00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:12,410
Okay. I'll be right back.
569
00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:18,420
( engine coughing )
570
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:19,920
( engine dies )
571
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,430
Joe! Helen broke your vacuum.
39170
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