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1
00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:07,590
Okay, Roy.
What'll it be?
2
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,090
Oh,
3
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,090
what's the difference?
4
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,600
Uh, the usual B.L.T.
5
00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:13,100
Okay. Casey?
6
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,600
Same old chicken salad.
7
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,100
Okay. Brian.
8
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,100
(grunts)
9
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,600
Burger.
10
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,600
(groans)
11
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,100
No onions.
12
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:22,110
Fay?
13
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:24,110
I guess I'll have
a tuna melt.
14
00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:25,610
Guess again. I'm all out
15
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:26,610
of cheese.
16
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:30,610
What is that wonderful
aroma wafting in here?
17
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,620
Oh, it smells like
freshly baked bread.
18
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:33,620
Yeah, yeah,
19
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,620
and freshly
roasted coffee
20
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:38,120
with just a hint
of hazelnut.
21
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,620
(sniffs)
22
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:40,620
And meat.
23
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:42,130
(sniffs)
24
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:43,630
I smell meat.
25
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,130
ALL:
Oh...
26
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:53,640
Carte blanche. Please!
27
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,640
People around here
don't go for that fussy stuff.
28
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,640
They like
plain old American food
29
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,140
served up with
a side of good conversation.
30
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:05,650
Hey, Fay, you're in luck!
31
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:08,150
I just found a fresh can
of cheese!
32
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:18,660
Oh! I never thought
it could be like this.
33
00:01:18,660 --> 00:01:23,670
I know. It's like my
first time all over again.
34
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,170
Oh, wow.
35
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:31,170
Something smells delicious.
36
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:32,680
What is that smell?
37
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,180
Egg salad.
38
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,180
No. I know that smell.
39
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:39,680
Whoa. What is that?
40
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,190
HELEN:
Oh, it's just
a food cart.
41
00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:45,690
Everybody's trying to make
that poor woman feel welcome.
42
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,690
Move one cheek
off that stool
43
00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:51,690
and we're headed
for court.
44
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:55,700
Joey, what are you doing
eating Helen's cooking?
45
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,700
There's food over there.
46
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,200
I am perfectly happy
47
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,200
with Helen's
delightful egg salad.
48
00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:03,710
Ooh.
49
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:05,210
Ooh.
50
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:06,210
Ooh! Ooh!
51
00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:09,710
Oh, thank God.
52
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,720
This time
it's only a shell.
53
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,720
BRIAN:
Hey, Antonio.
What's up?
54
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:16,720
Me. I'm up.
55
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,720
I'm making a new start.
56
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,720
No more lonely Saturday nights
lying in a dark room,
57
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,230
listening to the faucet
drip, drip, drip
58
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:26,730
and wondering what's the point
of going on.
59
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:27,730
Yeah? What are you
going to do?
60
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:28,730
I'm volunteering
61
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:30,730
at the Suicide Hotline.
62
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,240
All right.
63
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,740
Party on!
64
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:36,240
It sounds like it's
right up your alley.
65
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,740
I hear you.
66
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,240
I mean, who knows more
about despair, misery
67
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,750
and human suffering than me?
68
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,750
I am so jazzed.
69
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,260
Hello. Excuse me...
70
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,760
Hey, man,
71
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,260
don't do it.
72
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:56,760
You don't even have
to tell me the story.
73
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,760
The misery is etched
in your face.
74
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,260
No. No, no, no.
75
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:03,270
Uh, I'm Antonio,
the new counselor.
76
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,770
Aw! Sorry!
77
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:07,770
For a minute there,
I thought I had a walk-in.
78
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,770
I'm Barry.
79
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:10,270
Welcome aboard.
80
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,780
Phone, chair, girly mags
in the left-hand drawer.
81
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:13,780
Good luck.
82
00:03:13,780 --> 00:03:15,280
Thanks, thanks. You know,
83
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280
it's really a great honor
to be able to help people
84
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,780
in their darkest hour.
85
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,790
Bottom left-hand drawer,
you said?
86
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:22,790
(clicks tongue)
87
00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:32,300
Suicide Hotline.
88
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:37,800
Yell-o.
89
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,310
Ah.
90
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,320
(phone rings)
91
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,820
Yell-o.
92
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,320
(ringing continues)
93
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,320
Suicide Hotline.
94
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,820
(ringing continues)
95
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,820
Hello, hello, hello.
Suicide Hotline.
96
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:03,330
This is Antonio speaking.
97
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,830
Please still be there.
98
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,830
I'm Elise, and I, um...
99
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,330
I just need someone to talk to.
100
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:12,340
Ah, ah. Uh, I can do that.
101
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:14,340
Tomorrow is another day,
102
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:16,340
so you turn that frown
upside down,
103
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:19,840
because when life gives
you lemons, you make lemonade.
104
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,350
You just put on a happy face.
105
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,850
Um, maybe I just need someone
to listen.
106
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:28,350
Oh. Okay, sure.
Sure, I can do that too.
107
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,860
Go ahead.
108
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:39,860
Don't... don't, don't be afraid
to open up, Elise.
109
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,360
Elise? Ah!
110
00:04:43,870 --> 00:04:45,870
ELISE:
...and that's why
I'm so depressed.
111
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,370
Oh... wow, who wouldn't be?
112
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:50,370
That-that-that's some story.
113
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:53,380
(sniffling):
I just can't believe
Eric dumped me.
114
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:55,380
We were together
for four months.
115
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,380
I thought we were in love
116
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:00,380
(voice cracking):
But when I came home tonight,
he was gone!
117
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:01,890
Oh, that's rough.
118
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,390
Ah, maybe he was right to leave.
119
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:07,390
He always said
I wasn't very interesting.
120
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,890
He-he said that?
121
00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:10,390
Oh, well, if you want
my opinion,
122
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:12,900
this Eric guy sounds
like a real creep, you know?
123
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,900
I think you're better off
without him.
124
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,400
Yeah, but it's not just Eric.
125
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,900
Guys always leave me.
126
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:21,900
I guess I'm just not
pretty enough or smart enough.
127
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:25,410
Now, don't, don't you
be so hard on yourself.
128
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:26,910
No. You know,
129
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,910
you're going to look back
on this someday, and...
130
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,910
Oh, what the hell am I saying?
131
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:33,420
I've been there.
132
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,420
You know, being dumped sucks.
133
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:38,420
It's like-like someone reached
in, ripped out your heart
134
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,420
and did a clog dance on it.
135
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:41,930
You just want to...
136
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,930
want to climb up to the top
of a bridge and just...
137
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:50,430
That was so the wrong thing
to say.
138
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:52,940
No! No, no, no. It wasn't.
I...
139
00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,440
You really understand
140
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,940
how I feel.
141
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:57,940
I didn't think anyone would.
142
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,940
I-I felt so alone.
143
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:01,940
Oh, no, no, no.
You're not alone.
144
00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:02,950
I'm... I'm here.
145
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:04,450
Thanks, Antonio.
146
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:05,450
(Elise sniffles)
147
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,950
You know,
you're really good at this.
148
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,450
Nah. Me? You think so?
149
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:11,450
Yeah, yeah. How long
have you been doing it?
150
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:14,460
Well, it's funny you should ask
151
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:18,460
because believe it or not,
152
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:20,960
tonight is my first time
on the hot line.
153
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:26,470
Joe, I've got
Black Forest ham...
154
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,970
I don't want...
155
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,470
Got creamy Jarlsberg,
156
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:32,480
with white wine Dijon,
all on a fresh baguette.
157
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,980
Come on.
158
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:35,980
You know you want it.
159
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,480
No, I don't.
160
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,980
Why would I want that when
Helen already made me...
161
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,990
something... brown?
162
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:46,990
Hello, boys.
163
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,490
Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho!
Oh!
164
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:50,490
(Joe and Brian laugh wickedly)
165
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:54,000
Oh, I know that look!
166
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:57,000
There's only one thing
that can put a smile
167
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,500
like that
on a man's face!
168
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,000
What did you have
off the cart?
169
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:06,510
A delectable puff pastry,
but that's not why I'm smiling.
170
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,010
No, no. I had
an incredible night
171
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:13,020
at the Suicide Hotline.
172
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:14,020
Is there any other kind?
173
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:15,520
Yeah. Did you get a call?
174
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:19,020
Ah, yes. In fact,
I not only got a call,
175
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:20,020
I got a date.
176
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,520
Hey, hey!
All right!
177
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:24,530
That's great, Antonio,
but you know what?
178
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,030
You, uh, you want to
be a little careful
179
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,030
'cause dating a co-worker
can be kind of dicey.
180
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:31,030
Oh, oh.
I wouldn't date a co-worker.
181
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:33,040
That...
that would be inappropriate.
182
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,040
I'm, I'm dating a caller.
183
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,540
Hold on, hold on.
184
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,040
Are you telling me
185
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,540
that a woman called you
at the Suicide Hotline
186
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,050
and you asked her out?
187
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,550
Yeah. So?
188
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,550
Technically, isn't
that manslaughter?
189
00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:47,550
Antonio, what's wrong
with you?
190
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,050
Did no bells go off?
191
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:52,560
Bells? No!
That's just for a jumper.
192
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,060
In my entire life,
193
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:56,560
I never thought I would hear
myself utter these words:
194
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,560
Antonio, you can do better.
195
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,560
Oh, really? Because yesterday
196
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,570
I was this close
to answering an ad:
197
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:06,070
"Mountain woman seeks mate."
198
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,070
Come on, Antonio.
199
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,070
No, no, no.
You didn't talk to Elise.
200
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:12,070
I'm telling you, there is
something special about her.
201
00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:13,080
JOE: Okay, look.
202
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,580
All we're saying is that
203
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:17,580
you're asking for trouble
dating a woman like this.
204
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:21,580
Uh, Antonio, there's an
Elise here to see you.
205
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:25,590
Antonio?
206
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:31,090
Think there's any more
on the ledge like her?
207
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,610
(sighs)
Well, here we are.
208
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:49,110
Yeah. Here we are.
209
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:53,120
Listen, I'm sorry I spilled
that red wine on your dress.
210
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,620
Oh, that's okay.
211
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:57,620
And the chicken scaloppine.
212
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,620
I'm sure it'll come out.
213
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:02,130
And the raspberry sorbet.
214
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:06,130
You know, I never really liked
this dress anyway.
Yeah.
215
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:10,630
Take care.
216
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:14,640
Maybe we'll, uh... we'll
bump into each other one day.
217
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,640
Oh.
218
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,640
Oh, I get it.
219
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,640
You don't want to see me again.
220
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,650
Well, I-I'm sorry that you
didn't have such a good time.
221
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,150
Wait. Wait, wait. You...
222
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:29,150
You think
I didn't have a good time?
223
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:31,150
It's okay. I mean,
I understand why.
224
00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:32,660
I yakked all the way
through dinner.
225
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:35,160
You never even had
a chance to talk.
226
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,660
Why do I always do that?
227
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:39,660
No. I-I-I loved hearing
all your stories.
228
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,160
Oh.
229
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:45,670
Oh, so you
just don't find me attractive.
230
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,170
That's okay.
231
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,670
What...? What...?
232
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,170
What world is this?
233
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:52,680
No... no...
234
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,180
How can you possibly think that?
235
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:56,680
You... you're beautiful.
236
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,180
People haven't stared
at my date this much
237
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:02,690
since I took the big-face girl
to the planetarium.
238
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:08,690
Well, I... Antonio, I don't
know what you think, but, uh...
239
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:13,200
I haven't had
a lot of success with guys.
240
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,200
Yeah. Right.
241
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,200
And I report all my tips.
242
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,200
Don't get me wrong.
I mean, I've had boyfriends.
243
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,700
Uh, the rock star...
244
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,710
a C.E.O., uh, a hockey player...
245
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,710
I'm tired of rich,
246
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:30,210
handsome, powerful,
brilliant guys.
247
00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:33,720
I like you.
248
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:36,720
Wow.
249
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:40,720
Maybe... maybe we do have
something in common.
250
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,230
I've only dated
washroom attendants
251
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,230
bag ladies and shut-ins.
252
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:49,230
Who knew, what I really needed
was a beautiful woman.
253
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:54,740
Maybe I just needed
a regular, average guy.
254
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:58,240
Well, i-i-if that's the guy
you want, you've found him.
255
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,240
I don't mean this to sound
like a come-on, but, baby,
256
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,250
I am the most run-of-the-mill
schmo you'll ever meet.
257
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:26,770
Hi, Fay.
258
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,770
Welcome
to Helen's Doo-Wop Diner.
259
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:31,270
So, what'll it be?
260
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:32,780
A Bee-Bop-A-Loo-La Burger?
261
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:34,280
Oh. Helen, face it.
262
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,280
Everyone knows
the Bee-Bop-A-Loo-La Burger
263
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,780
is the same as the Sumo Burger
you served Monday
264
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:42,290
when you were
Helen's Taste of Tokyo Café.
265
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:45,290
Oh, sure.
Go to the cart.
266
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:48,290
How do you know what's in
that fresh-cooked turkey?
267
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,290
At least with mine,
you can read the ingredients
268
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:51,290
right on the can.
269
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,300
Um, listen.
270
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,800
I didn't want to be
the one to tell you this,
271
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,800
but I don't want you
to hear it from
anyone else.
272
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,800
What?
273
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,310
Right now Joe is
in his office
274
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:05,310
with the shades drawn,
and he's with...
275
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:08,310
(gasps)
...a portebello
mushroom tart.
276
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:11,310
Oh, my God.
277
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:23,330
JOE:
Oh, baby, mmm,
mmm, that's good, oh.
278
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,330
Oh, yeah...
279
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:25,330
(gasps)
280
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,830
Joe!
281
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,330
Uh... Helen...
282
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:31,330
this is not
what it seems like.
283
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:33,340
Oh, how could you?
284
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:34,340
Um, look, it...
285
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:35,840
It was just this one time.
286
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,340
It's never happened
before, I swear.
287
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,840
I-I-I didn't even enjoy it.
288
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,840
How could you pay for something
289
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,350
that you could get
at home for free?
290
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:47,850
Helen, look,
I walk by it every day.
291
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,350
It's in my face.
292
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:50,350
I'm a man, Helen.
293
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:51,850
I have needs.
294
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:54,860
Well, I hope
your little tart was worth it.
295
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:56,360
Look...
296
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,360
Look, if it means
anything to you
297
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,870
I was thinking about your food
the whole time I was eating it.
298
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:04,870
You can just save it.
299
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:07,370
I may not have fresh eggs
300
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,870
and I may not
have fresh cheese
301
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,870
and I may not have fresh meat,
but I have my pride.
302
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:22,380
(knocking)
303
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:23,890
Oh, no.
304
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,890
Come in.
305
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:31,390
Oh, it's you.
306
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,400
Hey. What's going on?
307
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,400
I'm in hell.
308
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,400
What's the matter?
309
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,910
It's Elise.
310
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:43,910
She dumped you, huh?
311
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,910
No. She's crazy about me.
312
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:47,910
Wait a second.
313
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,910
I'm, I'm not quite grasping
the problem here--
314
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:52,420
seeing as Elise
is a gorgeous woman
315
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,420
and your last girlfriend
316
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:57,920
was Pencil Patty
who lived under the bridge.
317
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,920
Hey, hey, hey.
318
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,430
Patty and I had some laughs...
319
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:08,430
till... till she left me
for Oil Drum Dave.
320
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:11,430
I'm telling you,
I don't get this.
321
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,940
If Elise didn't dump you,
then why are you so miserable?
322
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,440
Because I know
the dumping is coming.
323
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,440
It's only a matter of time.
324
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,440
The woman's
at the lowest point of her life.
325
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,440
That's why I look good to her.
326
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,940
A dead-end job,
327
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:22,950
a crummy apartment--
328
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:25,950
sure, that's going
to turn her head.
329
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:28,450
The minute she gets
a shred of confidence,
330
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,950
she'll take
one look at me
331
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,950
and run screaming
into the night.
332
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:32,960
Now, come on.
333
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:33,960
You don't know that.
334
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,460
JOE:
You might be perfect
for each other.
335
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:36,960
Come on, let's face it.
336
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,960
She's completely
out of my league.
337
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,460
That is absolutely not true.
338
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,460
He's right.
That is not true.
339
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,970
So, we're all agreed
I'm going to get dumped.
340
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,470
Oh, the world spins,
doesn't it?
341
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,970
Look, why don't
just, you know,
342
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:51,970
enjoy it
while it lasts?
343
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:53,480
Think of your
relationship
344
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,980
like it's a
roller-coaster ride.
345
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:56,980
It's fast, it's fun,
and occasionally,
346
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,480
you get to be upside down.
347
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,980
Ah, I'm not a roller-coaster
kind of guy.
348
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:04,990
They... they scare you
and make you sick.
349
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:07,990
I like
the little putt-putt boats.
350
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,490
You know, the steering wheels
351
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:12,490
don't really control
those things.
352
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:15,000
Antonio, you
missed my point.
353
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,500
No, no, I got it.
354
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,500
I-I just... I just can't
enjoy this relationship
355
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,000
knowing it's going to end.
356
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,510
Well, hey, if it's
making you feel that bad
357
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,010
then go break up with her.
358
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,010
Are you insane?
359
00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:27,510
I'm crazy about her.
360
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:28,510
She's a goddess.
361
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,510
She's everything
I want in a woman.
362
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:32,510
Brian, what do you think?
363
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:37,020
I think there's fresh dill
in this in this panini.
364
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:45,030
I just... I just can't
stand not knowing
365
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:46,530
when it's going to end.
366
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,030
You know, there must
be something I can do.
367
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,530
All right, then you
know what you should do?
368
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,530
Go over there and say,
"Excuse me.
369
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:53,540
"Can you please tell me
370
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,040
when we're going
to break up?"
371
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,040
That's it.
(snaps fingers)
372
00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,040
Finally, an idea
I can wrap my mind around.
373
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,040
No, no, Antonio,
I was just kidding.
374
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,550
No, no, no, no,
it's perfect.
375
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:05,550
I'll find out exactly
376
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,550
when she's going
to cut me loose, see?
377
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,550
At least that way,
I'll know where I stand.
378
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:11,050
Believe me, the
last thing I need
379
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:13,060
is another scene
like the one
380
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:15,060
under the bridge
with Pencil Patty.
381
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:27,570
(feigning accent):
Here you go, amigo.
382
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,070
One Tijuana tuna melt.
383
00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:33,580
Mmm! Mmm! Ohh! Mmm!
384
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,080
Muy bueno.
385
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,080
Okay, almost 5:00.
386
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,590
Cart lady should
be here any minute.
387
00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:45,090
BRIAN:
Is she here yet?
388
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:46,590
Not yet.
389
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:47,590
I saved you
a place in line.
390
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,090
Hey, no cut-sies!
391
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,590
Ow, ow, ow!
392
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:52,590
FAY:
Oh, thank God,
she's here!
393
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:54,600
Wait a minute.
394
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,100
Where's
the cart?
395
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,600
I don't
see the cart.
396
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,600
I'm moving the cart to Boston.
397
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,100
No, no, no, you
can't do this to me.
398
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,610
You can't leave me.
399
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,110
I'm sorry, but I just can't
stay in business here.
400
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:06,610
I need more volume.
401
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:08,610
More volume? Okay.
I'll do my part.
402
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,610
I don't usually
snack between meals
403
00:17:10,610 --> 00:17:11,610
but I can change!
404
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:13,120
I can eat more.
405
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,620
Oh, me, too.
406
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:16,620
You know where I stand.
407
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:19,120
Look, I'm sorry,
but I have to go.
408
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,120
BRIAN:
Oh, sure. Oh, yeah.
409
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,620
Just walk away!
410
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:24,130
Yeah, sure, let us starve,
why don't you?!
411
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:27,130
Now what are we
going to do for food?
412
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,640
Buenos dias, amigos.
413
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,640
(knocking)
414
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:42,140
(deep inhale)
415
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:45,150
Antonio, hi.
416
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:46,650
I-I wasn't
expecting you.
417
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:48,150
Don't worry.
418
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,150
This won't take long.
419
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,150
Listen, I... I
just need to know
420
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:55,660
exactly when I'm
getting dumped, okay?
421
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,660
Now, Fridays are good.
422
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:00,660
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
423
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,660
And, Antonio,
I can't think right now.
424
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:05,170
My-my ex-boyfriend
is on his way over.
425
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:07,670
Okay. So today's the day.
426
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,670
(knocking)
427
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:11,170
Oh, my God, it's Eric.
428
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,680
Eric? You mean
the guy who dumped you?
429
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,180
(knocking)
430
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,180
Eric.
431
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,680
Elise.
432
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,680
My God, I didn't realize
how much I'd missed you.
433
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:23,190
Eric, really...
434
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:25,190
No, no, don't say anything.
435
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:27,190
I came to apologize.
436
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,190
Hi.
437
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,190
Hi.
438
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:32,190
Look, I don't know what
I was thinking, leaving you.
439
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:35,200
I guess all I can say is,
I felt so much for you,
it scared me.
440
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,700
Eric...
Not through.
441
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,200
Look, if you'd just
give me another chance,
442
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,700
I swear, I'll do everything
I can to make it up to you.
443
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:44,710
Eric, I don't
know what to say.
444
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:46,210
Okay, ride's over.
445
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:49,210
Lift the bar
and step out of the little boat.
446
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,710
No, Antonio.
Please stay.
447
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,720
Elise, please,
this is very personal.
448
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,220
Can't you ask the super
to come back another time?
449
00:18:56,220 --> 00:19:01,720
Super! Ha! That's a dream
I gave up a long time ago.
450
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,230
Antonio
is not the super.
451
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,730
He and I have been dating.
452
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,230
You've been
dating this guy?
453
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,230
Elise, I am so, so sorry.
454
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:12,740
Can you ever forgive me?
455
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:15,240
Eric...
Look, look, I know
we've had problems,
456
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,740
but we can work them out.
457
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,240
I want you to come
to New York with me.
458
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,240
I booked us
on the next flight.
459
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,740
I... I don't know.
460
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:24,250
Eric, when
you first left me,
461
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,250
I was pretty upset,
462
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,750
but these past few days,
I've been pretty happy.
463
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,250
With what?
464
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:32,250
With him? Please!
465
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:34,760
Look, you actually think
you have what it takes
466
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,260
to make her happy?
467
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,260
Well, maybe I do.
468
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:41,760
Oh, come on. I have
an apartment on Fifth Avenue
469
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,770
with a Picasso
over the fireplace.
470
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:46,770
Oh, really? I got
a tiny studio apartment
471
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,770
with a Norman Rockwell
place mat
472
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,270
I stole from a diner.
473
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:52,780
I have enough money
in my pocket right now
474
00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:54,280
to take her to Europe
for a month.
475
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,280
I could work 30 years
and never get her to Epcot.
476
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,280
I took her to Kauai
for a week,
477
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,280
and we never
left the bedroom.
478
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,290
I got the best eight
minutes in the game, pal,
479
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:06,290
and I'm always done
in time for Leno.
480
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,290
Stumped, huh?
481
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:11,290
No. Lost.
482
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:13,800
What the hell
did we just do?
483
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,300
Elise, come on.
484
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:16,800
Let's go.
485
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,300
Elise, let's go.
486
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:21,800
Elise.
487
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,310
No.
488
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,310
ERIC:
Don't be ridiculous.
489
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:27,810
Our flight leaves
in half an hour.
490
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,310
And I said no!
You're not listening.
491
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,810
That's the problem,
Eric.
492
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,320
You never listen to me.
493
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,320
Okay, okay, you're a little
emotional right now.
494
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,320
You need some time
to think about this.
495
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,320
So I'll give you
to the count of three.
496
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,320
One...
497
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:42,830
two...
498
00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:44,330
three.
499
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,330
Okay...
500
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,330
six.
501
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,830
Four... five...
502
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,830
Oh, come on!
I can't accept this.
503
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,840
I can't lose out
to this guy!
504
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,340
You're not
losing out to him.
505
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:58,340
This is not about him.
This is about me.
506
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,840
Good-bye, Eric.
507
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,350
All right.
All right.
508
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:05,850
Ten.
509
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:07,350
One...
510
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,350
two...
511
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:09,350
three...
512
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,350
four...
513
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:12,350
(giggles)
514
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,360
I can't believe I just did that.
515
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,860
I never thought
516
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:18,360
I would have had
the courage to do that.
That's wonderful.
517
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,360
I'm happy for you.
518
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:21,360
You know,
for the first time,
519
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,370
in a long time,
I feel really good about myself.
520
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:26,870
I mean, like I've got
my old confidence back.
521
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:29,370
Your confidence, huh?
522
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:30,870
It's back.
523
00:21:30,870 --> 00:21:33,380
Yeah, well, that brings us
to my original point.
524
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,380
Uh... let's see. Uh...
525
00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,380
Now, Monday I'm going
to the dentist,
526
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:39,380
so I'll be
in pain anyway.
527
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:40,880
What are you doing?
528
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,380
Planning the future.
529
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:43,390
Well, how about
530
00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:46,390
we just take it
one step at a time?
531
00:21:50,390 --> 00:21:52,900
Hey, we still got
15 minutes till Leno.
532
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:55,900
15 minutes, huh?
533
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,900
Hey, I'm up
for a marathon.
36110
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