Original subtitles

There's 104 days of summer vacation, and school comes along just to end it. So

the annual problem for our generation is finding a good way to spend it.

Like maybe building a rocket or fighting a mummy or climbing up the Eiffel

Tower.

Discovering something that doesn't exist or giving a monkey a shower.

Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein's brain.

Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent, or driving our sister insane!

As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before school starts this

fall! So stick with us, cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it!

A sci -fi show you obsess over? Space adventure?

It got me through hoof and mouth disease.

And I have already downloaded my favorite episode.

Heart pass. I'd rather wallow in misery.

Too bad. You are a captive audience and cannot leave.

Here goes.

Diary of Captain Dirk Mortensen.

I'm taking the U .S. Army on a tour into the evil Honey Badger Empire to steal

the plans for their latest space station, the dreaded Spiky Ring.

Status report. Navigator, uh... Cadet Sophia Sharkboard, Captain.

Right. Welcome aboard.

You've met everyone.

Second in command, the fierce and determined Lieutenant Zarna.

Nosh, the 17th best pilot in the galaxy.

Oh, right.

19th. And there's our security officer, Lamont. Master of the profound mystical

arts of... Blom's luck.

Nice to meet you, but this is a mistake.

I'm just an intern. I shouldn't be navigating. Calm down, Noob. You've got

decent grades and we need a navigator. Case closed.

Now, status report, Noobie Navigator.

Uh, we're approaching the Honey Badger home plan.

Deploy the harmless asteroid camouflage.

We'll take a shuttle and sneak aboard the command station where they keep

secret plans.

Knot, Cerner, Lamont, you're with me.

DSL -4, you're in charge.

Okay, only one officer between us and the plans. We've got to take him out

quietly.

Zorna, Zorna, not, not again.

Three times since we snuck aboard is enough. Plus, I think you enjoy it a

too much.

I enjoy it just enough, thank you. You have a problem.

Lamont, try using those powers of yours to knock him out with something.

I don't think I can, sir. You can't do it.

Thank goodness for my patented Mortensen chop.

I'm in. Access in plan.

Captain, their first target is listed here.

Earth?

Again? Of all the planets in the galaxy, of which there are many, why is it

always Earth?

Okay, we've got to get these planets to space fleet so they can find the

weakness and stop that spike. Let's go.

Hey, you janitors aren't supposed to be in here.

Go ahead.

Let me navigate.

Any sign they've detected the Minotaur?

None, sir.

Set a course for Earth. Oh,

I just thought of something really cool we could do right now. Not that.

Execute the galaxy -famous Mortensen Victory Flyby.

We got your plan.

Bite me, honey badger.

Wait, they got away undetected? Why would he come back like that? Because it

cool.

I think we lost the honey badgers. Mission accomplished.

Was that really necessary? You're not still carrying on about the Mortensen

victory flyby, are you? You know us, Earthman.

We gotta celebrate life's win.

Lamont, can you sense if the honey badgers... Ah, hey!

I thought we talked about you keeping those rocks on the bridge.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm still learning the ways of Sloughbomb's luck. Okay, okay,

okay. See if you can use that Sloughbomb's lucky earth to detect the

badgers' fleet out there. I will try, sir.

Why not use the ship's sensors?

Lieutenant Zarna, Schluckbaum's luck is a power that goes back to when the

universe was young. We can't turn our backs on it. Already picking up the

incoming honey badger fleet.

Do you sense the honey badger fleet? No.

Sensor, 320 honey badger ships. I am sensing evil, but the universe is a

dangerous place, Captain, and I kind of sense evil all the time. How?

Sir, I'm sensing the honey badger fleet approaching.

Nice work, Lamar.

Jerk Morton, son.

Come on. Sorry, sir. You got here in the room.

Commander Erg, what can I do for you? Captain, your crazy maneuvers scared the

dickens out of our tech. I should blow your ship to bits. But I'll cancel that

and the spike launch if you just...

apologize. Commander Erg, you don't apologize for doing something cool.

Mortensen, you fool. You have 49 seconds to reconsider apologizing or we're

blowing your ship to bits. Not gonna happen.

Captain, couldn't we try firing all our space torpedoes and take our chance at

escaping? Now, we could fire all our space torpedoes, but their shielding is

strong. It would only anger them. Nosh, did you fire all our space torpedoes at

them?

Nosh, did you?

It says here we have zero torpedoes left.

No, Nosh. I don't think we forgot to bring torpedoes on the mission.

That's what you get for firing on us, Captain. Now prepare to be destroyed.

You may have 49 seconds to say goodbye to your crew.

Or maybe you could just say sorry to these two and we can forget the whole

thing. Not gonna happen.

We've got to get these plans to Earth.

Chief Engineer Honda, engine set. I'm doing what I can to repair them, but

last sonic blast damaged their engines. We won't outrun them. Then we'll have to

escape using a course so dangerous the Honey Badger fleet wouldn't dare follow.

Newbie Navigator, set course 2349 -23.

But Captain, that will take us straight through. That's right, Newbie Navigator.

The giant space worm's nebula.

Nosh, full engines, go!

The tiny badgers are slowing down.

Captain, I'm counting.

A lot of giant space worms. We are sure to be eaten. If we hold a steady course,

we might slide through unnoticed.

Captain,

can we use the laser cannons on it? The outer layer of the worm is too strong.

The only things effective against them are...

These torpedoes!

The mod, could you use your slough bomb's luck telepathy to tell the space

we mean no harm? I will try, sir.

Making contact!

Oops. Whoops. Well, it might have heard me think that it should not eat the ship

because it's already too fat.

I'm so very sorry, Captain. I just... Master, when will I learn to control my

thoughts? Lamont, I thought we talked about having space ghosts on my bridge.

We're going to have to escape using a course so dangerous the Honey Badger

and space worms wouldn't dare follow.

Newbie Navigator, set course 2342 -27.

But Captain, that will take us straight through. That's right, Newbie Navigator.

The giant razor crystal asteroids with volcanoes nebula.

The Honey Badgers and space worms are slowing down, Captain.

Captain, it's some kind of hidden city. My word, it's the Merlorian ambush.

No, no, no, stop firing, stop.

Ambush is a Merlorian word for hidden city. The Merlorians are mostly

Captain, I'm reading 50 Merlorian warships powering up engines.

Mostly.

For five more minutes. Don't push your luck or it'll be ten.

I sure hope the Scorpion Collective doesn't learn of this. Why not, Captain?

They hate the Malorians and vowed to be the ones to destroy them. If they even

heard that we shot at them, it would be... Picking up the entire Scorpion

Collective fleet heading straight at us. How could they even... Better look at

this, Captain.

Feeling sad on a time out for firing on a Malorian hidden city?

Gnash!

Okay, we're going to have to plot a course so doubly insane dangerous that

of them would dare follow us. Newbie Navigator, new course, 4754 .11.

Uh, Captain, I'm not really familiar with that course.

That's right, Newbie Navigator. The Carlarian Nebula of 17 suns and 14 black

holes.

If we fly through it the precise course, the immense gravitational forces should

accelerate us beyond light speed 12 and shoot us straight for Earth.

This is going to be a super -duper crazy maneuver.

Raise the ultimate control stick!

You can tell it's a really good one because it has a light inside.

Gravitational force is going fast on the...

Traveling at light speed 22 on our way to Earth.

This is Captain Dirk Mortensen calling Lunar and Landing Control.

Request to land.

Let me guess. Coming in hot? Coming in hot.

Another successful mission.

Any sign of our pursuers? What's left is a sensor saying there's something big

coming in.

Looks like the gravitational pull of that last nebula coalesced our pursuers

into a... What would you call that, Chip? A giant spike.

Okay,

maybe the Mordenson victory flyby wasn't a good idea.

Space adventure!

Wait a minute! What happened to that spiky thing? What happened to the Earth?

All will be answered in the next episode.

Okay, okay.

You're strong and cocky and dominating like Captain Dirk. Just play the next

one, please.

As you wish.

Space adventure is calling you.

Don't put on your space face and make your way to the stars.

On our space adventure.

It's an adventure in space.

The origins of this festival are from an era feudal.

Traditions practiced in the past were painful, gross, and brutal. But now it's

mostly baking. That's the whole key to the caboodle.

So sit back down and have yourself a plate of Drugen's strudel. The

will be here to put it to the test. And Drugen can be difficult to cook and to

digest. But if our recipe is...

Then they're bound to be impressed. Hear that droogin, droogin, droogin,

droogin, droogin, droogin fest. Hear that droogin, droogin, droogin, droogin,

droogin, droogin, droogin, droogin, droogin, droogin, droogin, droogin fest.

No! Okay, listen up, ladies. The mayor has tasked us, Troop 46231, with making

the official droogin strudel for the tasting today. The key to making droogin

strudel is the raisin -like dried dongle berries called the droogin. Now they

are going to be actual...

Strudel, so no distractions.

Every fiber of our full attention must be laser -focused on this task.

I wonder what Phineas and Ferb are up to. I present to you the world's largest

doodle -bearing.

Wow! I never thought the process of growing a berry that big would be so

disgusting. Mom!

The Droogan folks will love it. Now we just have to get it there.

It seems too heavy for an airlift. Perhaps if we had two trucks attached

side. Cool.

We could just roll it there. Now those are some transportation logistics that I

can get by.

Two drugs attacked side by side. How foolish would I be?

Hey, where's Harry?

Come on, come on, come on.

And back in the house we go.

When Schmertz has been spotted at Drugenfest, he's probably just there to

celebrate. Or he could try and interfere with the Drugenstrudel tasting.

Our entire economy depends on establishing trade with the

Seriously? Yes. If anything goes wrong, the tri -state area may have to sell off

one of the state areas.

Leaving just a bi -state area? What are you waiting for, Agent P? Go after him!

Do you know how bad it looks when you know something that I don't? Never know

something that I don't.

Now, Carl, where did I put my keys?

I don't know.

Looks great, ladies.

Everything's going without a hitch.

I'm just a city and I deserve to be here.

And that sounds like a hitch waiting to happen.

Hitching room is for bakers and emissaries only. I'm just here to help.

help. Definitely not evil.

What are you... you doing here dr doofenshmirtz um have we met yes wait

got it i got it are you my dentist what no you seriously don't remember me we

borrowed your spaceship and traversed an alien planet first of all it's a

galactic travelinator not a spaceship we even did that whole song sequence

together oh did it go a little something like a dog doesn't ring a bell

This is perfect place for festival, yeah?

Which is very disappointing.

All festivals in Jerusalem are set four miles west of the perfect place to put

them. Shriveled man, not shriveled enough.

And where, Droogie? Dancing mascot?

I prepare for meet and greet.

Well, I think you're going to love the Droog and Strudel we made.

I fast for weeks for this tasting of Droog and Strudel. I meet my child's

birthday for this.

I meet my own wedding.

You?

Turn coming.

Everybody lean left.

You're left or Dooku Berry left.

That is the same direction.

You should have been more clear.

No, no, Hubert.

Looks like we're taking the scenic route.

Ah,

Perry the Platypus, you're just in time. Let's squeeze in a quick ride while I

monologue. Oh, pull on the yellow tab.

Ha -ha, you're trapped.

Anyway, you know that feeling when you think you're biting into a delicious,

gooey chocolate chip cookie, but...

It's actually a gross oatmeal raisin cookie instead.

That's how I feel about drugan.

Seriously, drugans have a very discouraging flavor. I left Druselstein

get away from that stuff. My tragic childhood and all those backstories, I

pull up with that stuff. But drugans, that is where I draw the line.

But I digress.

Every day I digress. I go off topic and just ramble. Look, look, look. I'm doing

it right now. Right now I'm digressing. Anyway, behold.

My druken chocolate swappinator!

With this, I'll swap out all the drukens in a one -mile radius for chocolate.

Then all those little druken lovers will finally know my pain. Hey, tampering

with the yellow tab is a safety violation.

Okay, this druken strudel is going to knock your rockin' hosin' off.

Hey, my dinner is done!

Anyway, these droogans look awfully chocolatey. Does that mean... Oh, the

shriveled man is chocolate!

The droogans are gone! My plan worked!

Whoa! What is this weird feeling? Is this getting a win?

Because I'm going to get used to this!

What went wrong?

It tastes like chocolate. It's not dry or discouraging at all.

No contract for you. We return to Druselstein.

Hey, that person! You waste our time, we take your stuff.

But we followed the recipe to a T.

What went wrong?

It worked, Mary the Platypus!

It worked!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sad to report that our trade agreement with

Druselstein has failed. It looks like we'll have to sell off one of our state

areas. Now it's time to panic.

Sell a state area?

That just leaves a bi -state area. I'm not taking over some lousy bi -state

area. Please don't cancel the contract. You're making a big mistake.

No drugenstrudel, no contract.

This is all your fault. If you hadn't broken my anator, I could reverse all

this. Listen, I'm going to go try to fix the drugenstrudel. You go stall those

aniferies.

You too?

So it wasn't just me?

All the Drukens in the festival are now chocolate.

Chocolate? This is a lot less discouraging.

Hey, dentist girl!

I don't know what you want, but I don't have time.

I'm not here to beef. We need new strudel, and I'm here to help.

Help? You?

You couldn't even remember who I am. I remembered who you were, but I pretended

not to because last time we worked together, you showed me up a little. But

right now, you are the only one who can make a good Drukens strudel, so will you

work with me for the good of the Tri -State area?

Okay, but if we're doing this, we're doing it Issa style. We're making the

ultimate droogin' strudel. The biggest one they've ever seen.

That sounds like you're going to need a big oven. I can take care of that.

Now we just need droogin'. But they've all turned to chocolate.

Did somebody say droogin'? We got this big doogleberry. And we saw what

at the festival.

Uh, we could build a device to concentrate sunlight and dry the

instantly. Perfect. Come on, girls. And pharmacists.

I've got some Droog and Strudel to bake.

Song montage is taking longer than I thought. I hope those emissaries haven't

left yet.

Yup, prepare to depart.

Wait, it cannot be.

Droogie, the dancing Droogie.

His dry, discouraging acting still delighted me since I was a wee child.

Hmm, let us hold briefly to enjoy this marvel.

How's it coming, dinner?

World's largest Droogie, coming right up.

Ready the jackhammers.

Is this what eating feels like?

Ding! Now I have experienced the whole cycle of digestion.

It looks good, but will it hold up to the taste test?

Oh, no.

No, it's authentic.

I just still hate droogin'. I seriously hope I never have to work with you ever

again. Um, how are we going to get this to the emissaries? It could be a real

transportation logistics problem.

Ah, it's a good thing I drove here in two trucks attached side by side.

Well, 45 minutes is enough, yeah?

Let us cease our brief holding.

Wait! Don't go!

We've got one more drugan strudel for you to try.

Harry!

A drugan strudel of this size? I have never seen the likes before.

The drugans are delightfully discouraging.

This drugan strudel is acceptable. We shall sign contract.

tri -state area shall remain whole.

The dream is back, baby!

You know, in retrospect, I should never have used my drug and chocolate

swappinator in the first place. What? You mean this was your fault the whole

time? This isn't over.

Okay, ladies, I think we've more than earned these preventing an international

incident patches.

Hey, what about me? I helped. Do I get a patch, too?

I think the good job cleaning up your own mess patch suits you perfectly.

Also, I... I was not joking about mistaking you for my dentist. You guys

really... It's eerie.

Okay, time for your root canal.

Drogon, Drogon,

Drogon

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