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Mmm. Eyeballs, rats,
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bats, vampire teeth.
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Boom. Vampire teeth.
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Good.
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Spider webs.
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Done.
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Fake blood capsules.
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They didn't have any.
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Really?
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That's gross. I love it.
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We are throwing
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a Halloween party
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at our house.
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It's gonna be
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the greatest thing ever.
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Someone will die.
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Of fun.
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And of murder.
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There's going to
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be beer, pumpkins...
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Bloody goblins.
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Fake ones.
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It's gonna be awesome.
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We have decorations.
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Dead people that
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we just murdered.
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Not murdered,
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but pictures of dead
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people from TV or movies.
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Mutilated bodies.
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But fake ones.
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Candy, dancing, tequila.
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All kinds of food and snacks.
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Blood orphans.
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No blood orphans.
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I don't know what that is.
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I want you on message,
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and the message is
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Leslie Knope.
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If you're not
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talking about you,
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you're talking
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about the wrong thing.
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I hate talking about myself.
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Get over it. I talk
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about myself constantly.
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Everyone loves me for it.
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I really am amazing.
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When you work in government,
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people often suspect
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that you're anti-business.
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So I'm throwing
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a little meet and greet
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with business owners,
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and I've asked
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Tom's company to help.
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Here's my opening line.
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Hi. I'm Leslie Knope,
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and I'm in the business
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of being City Councilor.
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Oh, my God.
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I'm not going to use that.
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This is your primary target.
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President of the
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Chamber of Commerce,
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Martin Kernston.
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Oh, yes.
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From Kernston Rubber Nipples.
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The Nipple King.
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Photos, bios, likes, dislikes,
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prescription medications.
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I've heard of Martin Kernston.
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I know a little bit about him.
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Oh, really? Well,
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which of his advisors
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does he trust more,
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Ted Flirtman or Rex Baggs?
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Well, it depends.
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Flirtman is more
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of a confidant.
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I made up both those names.
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Okay, I'm on it.
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Get at me.
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Jean-Ralphio, stop crying.
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What? Hold on.
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Slow down. Hold on.
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Allergic to chestnuts and...
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Good haircuts.
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It's too tight. Looser.
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I feel like we need
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to inflate it more.
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No, I told you.
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I'm a sumo wrestler
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after he lost the weight.
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I take it
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we're having a party.
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Dude, I knew
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there was something
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I forgot to tell you. Sorry.
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No, no, no. It's fine.
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Why should you guys
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tell me you were gonna
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have an enormous party?
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I didn't tell you
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I was gonna be quietly
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working in my room.
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That's a good point.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I guess we're even.
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If you need me,
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I'll definitely be awake,
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because I won't
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be able to sleep
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because of the party.
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You know? So...
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All right.
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My family is very
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non-confrontational.
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My parents' method
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of problem solving is
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to kind of keep
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everything bottled up
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and just subtly hint
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at what's bothering them.
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And after 36 years,
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they are still divorced.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa!
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Tom, this is not
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what I pictured at all.
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This looks like a party
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for Entertainment 720.
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Is Entertainment 720
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running for office?
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It's a small business.
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You're trying to
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show people you have
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a good relationship
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with small businesses.
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Now the party?
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That's all about you, boo.
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Okay. Then shouldn't my face
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be on these rugs?
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I'm sorry, no.
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It's always been
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a dream of mine to be a rug,
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and it's finally happened.
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Tom, now is not
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the time for you
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to explore your
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weird dreams, okay?
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I want all of this gone.
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All of it.
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Except that cake.
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Keep that cake here.
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Just scrape off the words.
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Donna? Blue shirt,
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badge, night stick.
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You are a policewoman.
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Yep. You're a regular...
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Sherlock Holmes.
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I solved that mystery
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before you did.
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Okay, this was fun.
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Andy, you are U.F.C. legend,
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Chuck Liddell.
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That's right.
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Girl from The Ring.
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To me,
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Sherlock Holmes
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is literally
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the greatest character
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in the Western canon.
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Smart, intuitive, handsome.
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Replace his pasty
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British frailty
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with superhuman
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physical fitness,
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and you get...
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Sherlock Traeger.
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Mr. Potato Head.
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That's right.
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Hey, where's my
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lovely daughter tonight?
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She's at home.
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I knew that
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you would be here,
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and I was worried
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that you might be
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concerned seeing us
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together at night.
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You're a very
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thoughtful guy,
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but really,
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I have no problem
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with the two of you
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dating, really.
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I mean, look at you.
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You're just,
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you know, beautiful.
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You're beautiful.
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On the inside where
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your spirit lives.
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Listen. Tell her,
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"Come to the party,"
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and I don't mind at all.
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Oh, good. I'll text her.
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Okay. You can text
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without looking at your phone?
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I think it's rude
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not to maintain eye contact
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with the people
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that I'm talking to.
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That's from me.
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Wow! That's amazing!
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High five.
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Wow.
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Hey. Ron. Good to see you.
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Weren't you
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a pirate last year?
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Yes. This is my
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Halloween costume.
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Andrew, are you aware
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that your bathroom
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faucet is leaking?
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Are you kidding me?
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I just stuffed
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a sock in it yesterday.
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What else
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do they want me to do?
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There's an exposed wire
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above the bathtub as well.
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Oh, yeah. Shock wire.
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I call it that,
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'cause if you take a shower,
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and you touch the wire,
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you die!
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Yes, that is accurate.
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Do you have a tool box?
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Yeah.
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No home is complete
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without a proper toolbox.
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Here's April and Andy's.
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A hammer, half of a pretzel,
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baseball card, some cartridge
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that says Sonic and Hedgehog,
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a scissor half,
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and a flashlight.
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Filled with jelly beans.
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Although I have not worked
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with you professionally,
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as a private citizen,
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I have personally patronized
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each and every one
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of your establishments.
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I've never seen
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you buy a salad
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at Sue's Salads.
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That's because
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I don't hate myself, Tania.
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I'm sorry.
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I know I should be
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chasing your vote,
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but I stand
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behind my decision
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to avoid salad
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and other disgusting things.
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And I think
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I have a lot of support
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in the community for that.
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Despite the fact that
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this seems like
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a party for Tom's face,
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uh, I think
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it's going pretty well.
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When in doubt,
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in Pawnee, slam salad.
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I'm just especially
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thankful that you could
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come, Mr. President.
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Martin.
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You were responsible for
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the Harvest Festival, right?
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No. Yes.
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Well, it was a team effort.
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I barely did anything.
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I held them back, actually.
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They succeeded despite me.
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I'm sorry. I worked very hard
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on that event. I'm just...
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Bureaucrats aren't used to
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bragging about themselves.
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Tom, come over here and
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talk about how great I am.
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Martin! Tom Haverford.
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I threw this shindig.
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Yes. Tom, tell Martin
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how hard I worked
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on the Harvest Festival.
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It was incredible.
300
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,850
A lot of people say
301
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,850
the Harvest Festival
302
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:06,620
is what launched
303
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:06,620
Entertainment 720.
304
00:07:06,690 --> 00:07:08,020
No one says that.
305
00:07:06,690 --> 00:07:08,020
I just said it.
306
00:07:08,090 --> 00:07:10,150
My company,
307
00:07:08,090 --> 00:07:10,150
Entertainment 720,
308
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,990
has an amazing
309
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,990
business opportunity
310
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,990
for Kernston's.
311
00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:16,120
Mind if I steal you
312
00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:16,120
away a few seconds,
313
00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:16,120
give you the 'tails?
314
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,130
The 'tails?
315
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,130
The details.
316
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,260
Most people would
317
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,260
probably say the deets.
318
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,260
I say the 'tails.
319
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:22,930
Just one example
320
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:22,930
of innovation.
321
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:28,000
Look, I don't like
322
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:28,000
to throw around the word
323
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:28,000
butt-head too often.
324
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,340
If you call
325
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,340
everybody a butt-head,
326
00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:30,810
then it kind of
327
00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:30,810
loses its impact.
328
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,080
But I can say
329
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,080
without hesitation
330
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:35,480
that Tom is
331
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:35,480
being a real dick.
332
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:40,680
Hey. You stole
333
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:40,680
the Nipple King.
334
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:40,680
Thanks a lot, traitor.
335
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,520
I'm sorry.
336
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,520
I just needed to ask him
337
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,520
about this one thing.
338
00:07:42,590 --> 00:07:44,920
But we're all good now.
339
00:07:42,590 --> 00:07:44,920
What if I just
340
00:07:42,590 --> 00:07:44,920
introduce you for your speech?
341
00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:46,930
I have a better idea.
342
00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:46,930
Why don't you go over
343
00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:46,930
to one of your rugs
344
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,230
and sit on your own face?
345
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,230
I don't need
346
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,230
your help anymore.
347
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:55,100
Hi, there.
348
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:55,100
Is there a project
349
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:55,100
you're working on?
350
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,610
I know more than you.
351
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,610
All right.
352
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,500
When April
353
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,500
and Andy married,
354
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,510
I didn't get them
355
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,510
a wedding present.
356
00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:04,810
In my experience,
357
00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:04,810
wedding presents
358
00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:04,810
are nothing more
359
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,640
than kindling on
360
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,640
the divorce bonfire.
361
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:11,450
But I think I found a way
362
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:11,450
I can really help them
363
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:11,450
make a home.
364
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,020
You, bean bag,
365
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,020
come with me.
366
00:08:16,090 --> 00:08:17,390
I'm an eggplant.
367
00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:19,550
I don't care.
368
00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:19,550
Come with me.
369
00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:19,550
Why?
370
00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:20,860
I need small hands.
371
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,160
I'm scared.
372
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,660
Look who decided
373
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,660
to join the party.
374
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,660
Bro, that's awesome!
375
00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:33,040
Where's your costume?
376
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:36,140
Honey,
377
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:36,140
he's wearing a costume.
378
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:36,140
He's going as lame.
379
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,310
That's a pretty
380
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,310
good costume, actually.
381
00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:42,480
But I think the Batman
382
00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:42,480
costume is way better.
383
00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:42,480
You should go wear that.
384
00:08:42,550 --> 00:08:44,350
Yeah, I don't think
385
00:08:42,550 --> 00:08:44,350
I'm gonna put on a costume,
386
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:48,550
because I'm not really
387
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:48,550
attending this party
388
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:48,550
that's at my house.
389
00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:51,490
Hey, listen, if you're
390
00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:51,490
mad about something,
391
00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:51,490
you should just...
392
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,490
No. I'm not.
393
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,490
I'm not mad.
394
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,120
Really? Listen,
395
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,120
I feel like you are mad.
396
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,330
So maybe you should
397
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,330
just talk to us about it.
398
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:03,340
My name's Ben. I'm mad.
399
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,030
All right.
400
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,030
That was great. Thank you.
401
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,030
So soft.
402
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:06,170
Soft lips.
403
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:06,170
Thanks for that.
404
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,510
Your fingers are salty.
405
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,510
I'm going to finish my work.
406
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:11,550
Orin, no! No! Stay out!
407
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,610
Pawnee has suffered
408
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,610
through a tough economy,
409
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:17,810
and what has kept
410
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:17,810
our town alive is you,
411
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:17,810
the small businessman.
412
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,980
And I'm not referring
413
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,980
to your stature, Gary.
414
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,420
You are a giant
415
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,420
in this community.
416
00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:24,690
So many businesses
417
00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:24,690
represented here today.
418
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,190
Food and Stuff, J.J.'s Diner,
419
00:09:27,260 --> 00:09:31,500
Glennmore Discount Cemetery,
420
00:09:27,260 --> 00:09:31,500
Tramp Stamp Tattoos,
421
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:35,560
Enormous Kenny's
422
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:35,560
Fried Dough Stand and
423
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:35,560
Mobile Phone Emporium.
424
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,540
Who else? Sue's Salads.
425
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:38,660
Ooh!
426
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:42,640
Smooth Operator Bikini Waxes,
427
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:42,640
Geoff's Savings and Loan...
428
00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:45,180
And Entertainment 720.
429
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,720
Thank you so much for that
430
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,720
amazing intro, Leslie.
431
00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:49,720
Hi, folks.
432
00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:49,720
My name is Tom Haverford,
433
00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,410
and I am here to
434
00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,410
tell you a little bit
435
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:53,460
about Pawnee's
436
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:53,460
premiere entertainment
437
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,180
and multi-media
438
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,180
conglomerate...
439
00:09:55,260 --> 00:10:00,660
Entertainment 720
440
00:09:55,260 --> 00:10:00,660
Where dreams come,
441
00:09:55,260 --> 00:10:00,660
they come true
442
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,860
How about we watch
443
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,860
this brief promotional film?
444
00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:05,300
What?
445
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:09,500
Entertainment 720
446
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:09,500
has been a fixture of
447
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:09,500
this community since June.
448
00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:13,770
Tom, listen to me.
449
00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:13,770
Turn that off or give me
450
00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:13,770
the remote right now.
451
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,540
It's short. Can you
452
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,540
let it play, please?
453
00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:17,040
You're lucky that
454
00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:17,040
Martin Kernston is here,
455
00:10:17,110 --> 00:10:18,550
'cause you're gonna
456
00:10:17,110 --> 00:10:18,550
need another nipple.
457
00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:19,910
Why?
458
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:52,210
There. I think I got it.
459
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:52,210
Yep, you got it.
460
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,380
Can you at least
461
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,380
tell me what you're doing?
462
00:10:56,450 --> 00:11:00,250
I'm a homeowner.
463
00:10:56,450 --> 00:11:00,250
I would like to
464
00:10:56,450 --> 00:11:00,250
actually learn something.
465
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,560
Yeah, I'm tightening
466
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,560
the valve stem
467
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,560
into the valve shank.
468
00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:09,220
I'm replacing the handle,
469
00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:09,220
and then
470
00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:09,220
tightening the set screw,
471
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,960
which will hold it
472
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,960
in place. Now...
473
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:14,730
Oh, my God.
474
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:14,730
We made it work.
475
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,970
It's a good feeling.
476
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,970
Sense of accomplishment
477
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,970
and pride.
478
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,600
Damn it,
479
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,600
I just love it so much.
480
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:26,140
Are you okay?
481
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:26,140
Great.
482
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:27,650
I'm going to go
483
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:27,650
around this house
484
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,310
and fix everything
485
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,310
I can find
486
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,310
that needs fixing.
487
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,180
You want to help?
488
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,180
I really do.
489
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:35,750
Good. That's next.
490
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,160
I can't reveal
491
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,160
my identity because of
492
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,160
various corporate enemies.
493
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:44,390
But suffice it to say
494
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:44,390
I run a fairly popular
495
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:44,390
social networking site.
496
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,590
And let's face it,
497
00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:50,160
booking E 720 was
498
00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:50,160
the smartest decision
499
00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:50,160
I ever made.
500
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,940
I hope you liked this story.
501
00:11:54,110 --> 00:11:55,870
I invented Facebook.
502
00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:57,380
Wow. Okay. Um...
503
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,620
I know that video
504
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,620
seemed like
505
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,620
the rantings of a lunatic
506
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,450
pretending to be
507
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,450
Mark Zuckerberg.
508
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,150
That's who that was?
509
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,150
No.
510
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:06,550
That is impressive.
511
00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:08,420
We're not gonna waste
512
00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:08,420
any more of your time.
513
00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:09,980
Agreed.
514
00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:09,980
Let's get right to it.
515
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:12,990
Please welcome the
516
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:12,990
E 720 Mailing List Divas!
517
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:19,400
I want all y'all to
518
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:19,400
write down the name
519
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:19,400
and direct phone line
520
00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:21,960
for whoever is in
521
00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:21,960
charge of hiring
522
00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:21,960
independent contractors
523
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,900
for your business!
524
00:12:23,970 --> 00:12:27,340
Now, come join me and
525
00:12:23,970 --> 00:12:27,340
let's all take a dip in
526
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:30,280
the E 720 Mobile Hot Tub!
527
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:33,540
It's parked right outside.
528
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:33,540
Let's go!
529
00:12:38,490 --> 00:12:39,780
Hey, Ben.
530
00:12:38,490 --> 00:12:39,780
Hey.
531
00:12:39,850 --> 00:12:40,880
I thought you weren't
532
00:12:39,850 --> 00:12:40,880
coming to the party.
533
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,290
Well, I'm just
534
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,290
having a Butterfinger.
535
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,090
Oh, really?
536
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,090
Is that okay?
537
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:48,860
No. If you're not
538
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:48,860
part of the party,
539
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:48,860
you can't have the candy.
540
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:50,130
Back up.
541
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:50,130
All right.
542
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,190
Back up.
543
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,190
Okay.
544
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:55,290
I have one sister.
545
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:55,290
We steal each other's stuff,
546
00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:57,000
hack each other's
547
00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:57,000
Twitter accounts,
548
00:12:57,070 --> 00:12:59,940
set each other's
549
00:12:57,070 --> 00:12:59,940
clothes on fire.
550
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:01,530
There are no rules.
551
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,710
We need to deal with
552
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,710
what's bothering you.
553
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:07,110
Oh, please,
554
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:07,110
come into my room.
555
00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:10,120
See, you're angry at me,
556
00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:10,120
and you're not
557
00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:10,120
talking about it.
558
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:14,350
And I'm going to
559
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:14,350
beat you up until you do,
560
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:14,350
because I'm mature.
561
00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:16,190
What are you... Stop it.
562
00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:20,250
I grew up with five brothers,
563
00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:20,250
and we fought
564
00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:20,250
using the Dwyer method,
565
00:13:20,330 --> 00:13:24,860
which was yelling,
566
00:13:20,330 --> 00:13:24,860
wrestling, crying
567
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:28,100
followed by lots of hugs.
568
00:13:28,170 --> 00:13:29,660
And then more wrestling,
569
00:13:28,170 --> 00:13:29,660
but the fun kind.
570
00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:32,830
And then crying when
571
00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:32,830
the fun kind of wrestling
572
00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:32,830
got out of hand.
573
00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:36,440
Can you let me go?
574
00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:36,440
Not until you
575
00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:36,440
tell me what's wrong.
576
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:41,310
Mr. President,
577
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:41,310
I just want to apologize
578
00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:43,010
for the actions of
579
00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:43,010
that little weasel.
580
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,950
Leslie, I'm a frugal man.
581
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,950
I don't like extravagance
582
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,950
or showmanship.
583
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:49,050
That's why
584
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:49,050
I cut my own hair.
585
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,520
And it's what's made me
586
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,520
a successful businessman.
587
00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:55,050
So if Entertainment 720
588
00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:55,050
is the kind of
589
00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:55,050
business you trust,
590
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:58,000
I'm afraid you and I
591
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:58,000
don't share the same values.
592
00:14:07,810 --> 00:14:08,870
There you are,
593
00:14:07,810 --> 00:14:08,870
you little bastard.
594
00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:10,410
Get out of there
595
00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:10,410
right now.
596
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,670
Leslie, can you
597
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,670
do me a favor and
598
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,670
just let me sit here?
599
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,580
Tom, get out of
600
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,580
your stupid limousine
601
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,580
hot tub right now,
602
00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:16,980
or we are
603
00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:16,980
no longer friends.
604
00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:18,580
I'm not getting out.
605
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,650
Fine. Then I'm getting in.
606
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,150
Listen to me.
607
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:24,420
You know what you are?
608
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:24,420
Get away from me!
609
00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:26,150
You're such a little
610
00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:26,150
selfish punk, okay?
611
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:27,420
Just because
612
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:27,420
you want something
613
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,860
doesn't mean that
614
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,860
everybody has to bow to...
615
00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:31,370
Listen to me.
616
00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:31,370
You didn't even let me
617
00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:31,370
have my one night.
618
00:14:31,430 --> 00:14:33,300
Look at me. I don't
619
00:14:31,430 --> 00:14:33,300
want to see your face.
620
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,170
Look at me. I don't
621
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,170
want to see your face.
622
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,700
I've been looking
623
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,700
at your face all night. God!
624
00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:40,800
I'm sorry.
625
00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:40,800
What's wrong with you?
626
00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:44,740
My company
627
00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:44,740
is bankrupt, okay?
628
00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:46,840
Entertainment 720 is dead.
629
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,450
Oh, man.
630
00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:55,920
Excuse us!
631
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:58,150
Nice form, son.
632
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,250
Make sure you
633
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,250
keep a firm pressure
634
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,250
on the cranium.
635
00:15:00,330 --> 00:15:01,350
On the cranium?
636
00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:04,660
Listen up.
637
00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:04,660
I have to turn off
638
00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:04,660
the power for one minute.
639
00:15:04,730 --> 00:15:07,570
We're going to
640
00:15:04,730 --> 00:15:07,570
go dark, people.
641
00:15:04,730 --> 00:15:07,570
Bear with us, okay?
642
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,900
We've got to switch
643
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,900
off the main fuse hose.
644
00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:14,170
It's just a fuse.
645
00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:14,170
It's just a fuse, people.
646
00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:14,170
Just a fuse.
647
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:29,760
Well, maybe we should
648
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:29,760
get out of this hot tub.
649
00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:32,730
I'm too sad to get out,
650
00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:32,730
and I'm all pruney.
651
00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:34,320
What happened?
652
00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:34,320
I don't know.
653
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,490
I guess I just
654
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,490
didn't moisturize
655
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,490
enough this morning,
656
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,590
and I've been
657
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,590
laying around here...
658
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,590
With the company, Tom.
659
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,760
We're hemorrhaging cash
660
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,760
ever since we opened.
661
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,670
They say you've
662
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,670
got to spend money
663
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,670
to make money.
664
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:48,540
Well, I don't know
665
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:48,540
where we went wrong.
666
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:48,540
We spent all of our money.
667
00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:51,600
Okay.
668
00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:51,600
You know what you need?
669
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,670
Some good old-fashioned
670
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,670
comfort food.
671
00:15:53,750 --> 00:15:54,740
Where we gonna
672
00:15:53,750 --> 00:15:54,740
get albacore tuna
673
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,410
with crispy onions
674
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,410
at this hour?
675
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,470
Come on.
676
00:15:57,550 --> 00:16:00,450
I'd say you've got
677
00:15:57,550 --> 00:16:00,450
the handle on
678
00:15:57,550 --> 00:16:00,450
that torque wrench.
679
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,320
Yeah, well, the flange
680
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,320
was a little warped,
681
00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:05,420
so I just goosed it
682
00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:05,420
with a triple-three
683
00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:05,420
bolt smack.
684
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:06,650
That was nonsense.
685
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:09,200
I know, but it's so fun
686
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:09,200
to talk like that.
687
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:12,360
You know what? Keep this.
688
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,640
You earned it.
689
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:17,300
Thanks, Ron.
690
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:26,940
I need to get more chips.
691
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:26,940
Great.
692
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:30,480
Let's go.
693
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,720
Come on. Walk.
694
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,720
No.
695
00:16:35,790 --> 00:16:39,960
This is a pacifist protest.
696
00:16:35,790 --> 00:16:39,960
Had enough?
697
00:16:35,790 --> 00:16:39,960
You need to let go of me.
698
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:43,390
Yeah! Get it!
699
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:43,390
That's good. Here we go.
700
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:43,390
No. No.
701
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,470
Let go of me!
702
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,470
He's got his back!
703
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,830
Come on! Fight me!
704
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,830
No. No. No.
705
00:16:53,710 --> 00:16:54,900
Oh!
706
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:59,940
Nice! Yeah!
707
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:59,940
Oh, my God.
708
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:59,940
Andy, I am so sorry.
709
00:17:00,210 --> 00:17:03,510
Psych! Blood capsules.
710
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:04,750
Oh!
711
00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:06,340
What?
712
00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:06,340
Yeah!
713
00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:09,880
I wanted to shock you
714
00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:09,880
into expressing your anger.
715
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,950
And that way...
716
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,950
My nose is broken.
717
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,020
Oh, my God.
718
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,020
I've got to go
719
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,020
to the hospital.
720
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,290
Oh, my God.
721
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,290
Didn't it feel good?
722
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,130
Come here.
723
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,130
Yeah. Yeah.
724
00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:19,260
Wow, I thought you guys
725
00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:19,260
were doing great.
726
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,600
I remember trying
727
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,600
to hire you once,
728
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,760
and you said
729
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,760
you were all booked up.
730
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,930
That was a business tactic.
731
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,930
For the first two weeks,
732
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,530
we told everyone
733
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,530
we were booked solid
734
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,530
to make people want us more.
735
00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:30,580
Oh, no.
736
00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:30,580
That's the stupidest idea
737
00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:30,580
I've ever heard.
738
00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:32,910
Well, hindsight is 20/20.
739
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:34,410
Kind of seems like
740
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:34,410
regular sight
741
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:35,680
should have
742
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:35,680
caught that one.
743
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,310
Also, your logo,
744
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,310
it's the worst logo
745
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,310
I've ever seen.
746
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,790
It doesn't make any sense.
747
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,790
It's gibberish.
748
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,150
We made some mistakes.
749
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:48,460
Tonight was my last chance
750
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:48,460
to land a big client,
751
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:48,460
and I failed again.
752
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:50,260
God, it's so embarrassing.
753
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:54,290
Hey, Tom. You're a smart guy
754
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:54,290
and charming occasionally.
755
00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:57,300
You're going to have
756
00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:57,300
a lot more good ideas.
757
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,970
Thanks.
758
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,870
I'm sorry I screwed up
759
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,870
your campaign thing.
760
00:18:01,940 --> 00:18:03,740
I really wanted
761
00:18:01,940 --> 00:18:03,740
to do a good job.
762
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:06,880
I made you this
763
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:06,880
amazing video biography.
764
00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:09,180
Of my life?
765
00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:09,180
It's back at the office.
766
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:11,480
Well, let's eat and go.
767
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,610
Didn't I ask for
768
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,610
whipped cream on this?
769
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,610
Ma'am?
770
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:16,010
Oh. Does it hurt?
771
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:18,420
Yeah. You broke my nose, so...
772
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:18,420
I'm sorry.
773
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:22,090
But I don't even care.
774
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:22,090
Just get it
775
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:22,090
all out there, man. Go.
776
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,860
All right. Maybe you
777
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,860
have to start thinking
778
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,130
about how your
779
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,130
actions affect me.
780
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:30,190
Like, tell me about stuff
781
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:30,190
happening in the house.
782
00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:33,170
Stop referring
783
00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:33,170
to my bedroom
784
00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:33,170
as a common space.
785
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:36,440
Stop using my comforter
786
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:36,440
for your pillow forts.
787
00:18:36,510 --> 00:18:38,540
Just respect me.
788
00:18:38,610 --> 00:18:40,050
Absolutely.
789
00:18:38,610 --> 00:18:40,050
Really?
790
00:18:40,110 --> 00:18:42,450
Yep. And in return,
791
00:18:40,110 --> 00:18:42,450
I'll only ask for one thing,
792
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,680
which is for you to pay
793
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,680
for studio recording time
794
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,190
for my band
795
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,190
to do our new album.
796
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,590
It's going to be about
797
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,590
5,600 bucks. Deal?
798
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,750
That's not
799
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,750
going to happen.
800
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,990
Here's something for
801
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,990
the pain and some ice packs.
802
00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:56,330
You his friend?
803
00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:56,330
Him?
804
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,630
Hell, no.
805
00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:00,400
We're brothers.
806
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:03,940
Excuse me. Hey.
807
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:03,940
Hi.
808
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,530
We should go.
809
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,530
I'm blocking an ambulance.
810
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:08,130
Ew. If your nose
811
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:08,130
is all weird after this,
812
00:19:08,210 --> 00:19:09,400
I'm totally
813
00:19:08,210 --> 00:19:09,400
going to divorce you.
814
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,710
Whatever. I'm going
815
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,710
to divorce you first
816
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,370
for wearing my
817
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,370
favorite hoodie.
818
00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:14,540
Is everything cool?
819
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,350
Yeah. It is.
820
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,350
Let's go.
821
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:20,250
We just can't use
822
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:20,250
Ben's comforters anymore
823
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:20,250
for our pillow forts.
824
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,690
What are we
825
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,690
going to have sex on?
826
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:28,660
The year was 1975.
827
00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:30,820
It was a time of trouble.
828
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,390
Watergate.
829
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,390
Well, I'm not a crook.
830
00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:37,000
Vietnam,
831
00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:37,000
Peter Gabriel leaves Genesis.
832
00:19:37,070 --> 00:19:39,800
But then a ray of hope.
833
00:19:40,740 --> 00:19:46,040
Leslie Barbara Knope was
834
00:19:40,740 --> 00:19:46,040
born on January 18th, 1975,
835
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:49,480
and she has been
836
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:49,480
a loyal patron
837
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:49,480
of its businesses ever since.
838
00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:54,390
Tom Haverford is
839
00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:54,390
a selfish, unctuous,
840
00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:54,390
sleazy, self-promoting,
841
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:58,320
good-hearted,
842
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:58,320
secretly kind and wonderful,
843
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:58,320
tiny little person.
844
00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:02,850
He went to Kernston's office
845
00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:02,850
and basically begged him
846
00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:02,850
to meet with me again.
847
00:20:02,930 --> 00:20:04,590
I think he technically
848
00:20:02,930 --> 00:20:04,590
might have bribed him.
849
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,830
But hey, you know,
850
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,830
whatever works.
851
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,960
It was Mary Pickford
852
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,960
who once said,
853
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,060
"This thing we call failure
854
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,060
is not the falling down,
855
00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:13,730
"but the staying down."
856
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:16,910
Tom won't be down for long.
857
00:20:17,140 --> 00:20:21,670
Her name is Leslie Knope,
858
00:20:17,140 --> 00:20:21,670
and I'm going to vote for her.
859
00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:26,650
And if Li'l Sebastian
860
00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:26,650
were still alive,
861
00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:26,650
he'd surely vote for her.
862
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,820
And I reckon you should too.
863
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:35,800
Did you like it?
864
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:35,800
It's pretty great, right?
865
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:35,800
I worked really hard on it.
866
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,990
Yeah. I loved it.
867
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,500
I'm going to
868
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,500
watch it every day
869
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,500
for the rest of my life.
870
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:44,160
And when I die,
871
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:44,160
I'm going to project it
872
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:44,160
on my tombstone.
873
00:20:47,270 --> 00:20:50,710
I had an amazing
874
00:20:47,270 --> 00:20:50,710
time at that party.
875
00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:54,270
And in the case of the woman
876
00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:54,270
who's stolen my heart,
877
00:20:54,350 --> 00:20:57,010
the culprit was
878
00:20:54,350 --> 00:20:57,010
Millicent Gergich.
879
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,350
You should look into
880
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,350
actual detective work.
881
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:03,620
I will.
882
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:03,620
And, Jerry, I've decided
883
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:03,620
to take your daughter home.
884
00:21:03,690 --> 00:21:05,280
And we may be
885
00:21:03,690 --> 00:21:05,280
having intercourse.
886
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,920
Please, you've got
887
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,920
to stop saying
888
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,920
things like that to me.
889
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,120
You got it, man.
890
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,120
Bye, Dad.
891
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,400
Everything okay?
892
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,400
I can't find my car keys.
893
00:21:17,570 --> 00:21:19,630
Solve this mystery, genius.
48495
Can't find what you're looking for?
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