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1
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,590
Hey, guys, you
are not going
to believe
2
00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:10,090
what I found at the
construction site.
3
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,090
BRIAN:
Whoa, whoa.
4
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:15,100
First, we've got
to discuss... the look.
5
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:16,100
What, my hard hat?
6
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,600
The foreman gave it to me.
7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,600
You can't be too careful
8
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,100
when you're working
around heavy machinery.
9
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,610
Ooh, my big, sweaty
blue-collar baby.
10
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,610
Yep, I got my hands
pretty dirty.
11
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:28,110
You got a scuff
on your hat.
12
00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:30,110
Oh, no.
13
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:32,620
Oh, well,
this is just ruined.
14
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:33,620
What's in the bag?
15
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:36,120
Oh, you are not going
to believe this.
16
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,120
It's amazing.
17
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,620
Oh, wow, a big
old filthy can.
18
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:42,130
I'm just blown away.
19
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:43,630
No, don't you remember?
20
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:46,630
We buried this
in the backyard years ago.
21
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,130
Oh, my God.
22
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:49,630
You dug up Jingles.
23
00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:51,130
Put him back.
24
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:53,640
No, I didn't
dig up Jingles...
25
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,640
although I did
see Jingles,
26
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,140
but I don't want
to talk about that.
27
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,640
Anyway, look,
don't you remember?
28
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,150
It's our time capsule.
29
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:03,150
Time capsule?
30
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,150
Oh, yeah, we put
a lot of stuff in it.
31
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:06,650
We buried it for the future.
How old were we?
32
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,650
Oh, God, I don't
know-- 11 or 12.
33
00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:10,150
Come on, let's open it.
34
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:11,660
All right, everybody
35
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:13,660
get ready
for a blast
from the past.
36
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,660
Okay.
37
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,660
I'll go back and get
the time capsule.
38
00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:20,660
Come on, Jingles.
39
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,670
Sorry.
40
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:32,180
Hey, got a new hat.
41
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:35,180
Yep, this one's
Scotch guarded.
42
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,180
You sure that this is
the time capsule now?
43
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,680
Because remember, after Jingles,
there was Patches.
44
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,180
Yeah, this is the time capsule.
45
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:42,690
Look, I even put a note on top.
See?
46
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:44,190
"July 15, 1973.
47
00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:45,690
"Not to be opened
48
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,690
"for 20 years
or else you die.
49
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,190
"Very truly yours,
Joey Hackett.
50
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:50,690
P.S. This means
you, Brian."
51
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:56,700
Wow, look at
all this stuff.
52
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,700
Oh, look, Joe,
your Little League trophy.
53
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,200
Oh, one of many.
54
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,210
Oh! Helen, here's an old
Three Musketeers
55
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:03,710
like you used to eat.
56
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:05,710
Oh, one of many.
57
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:09,710
Why'd you bury a rock?
58
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:12,720
Hey, it's Alfred, my pet rock.
59
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,720
Oh, come on, Casey, don't tell
me you were suckered
60
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,220
into buying one
of those things.
61
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,220
What kind of idiot
pays money for a rock?
62
00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:20,720
Mine's called Englebert.
63
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:25,230
Hey, speaking of suckers,
here's your mood ring, Joe.
64
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:26,730
Now, come on, this
is different.
65
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:27,730
This is science.
66
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,230
Besides, it looked
really great
67
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:30,730
with my purple
bell bottoms.
68
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:34,740
And I am guessing
that this was yours?
69
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,240
Cool!
70
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,740
Playboy magazine?
71
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:38,740
You were 11.
72
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:40,740
Not just any Playboy, uh...
73
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:44,250
"Under Covers with the Women
of James Bond."
74
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,250
What?
75
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:46,250
Oh.
76
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,250
See that
woman there?
77
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,250
Grandmother now.
78
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:52,260
Ugh, that's
a depressing thought.
79
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:55,760
It means that naked woman
straddling the nuclear warhead
80
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,760
is now fishing for a caramel
at the bottom of her purse.
81
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:01,770
"The Women of James Bond."
82
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,270
Oh, that's the only issue
83
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,270
I'm missing in my collection.
84
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:06,770
Could I just see that?
85
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,270
(chortling)
86
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:11,270
Ooh, it's got kind of a...
kind of a musty smell.
87
00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:13,280
It's been buried for 20 years.
88
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,280
Ew!
89
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,780
Hey, anybody going to eat
that candy bar?
90
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:18,780
It's all yours.
91
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:19,780
Thanks.
92
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,290
What are these?
93
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:23,290
The letters!
94
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,290
What letters?
95
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:25,290
Don't you remember?
96
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:26,790
We each wrote
a secret letter
97
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,290
about where we thought
we'd be when we grew up.
98
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:30,290
Helen, here's yours.
99
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:30,790
Brian, there's yours.
100
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:32,300
Casey...
101
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,300
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
now wait a minute,
wait a minute.
102
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,300
We're gonna open them
one at a time.
103
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,800
I'll go first.
104
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:37,800
Why you first?
105
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,800
Because I called it.
106
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,300
Okay, ready?
107
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:43,310
"Copyrighted 1973 by
Joseph Montgomery Hackett.
108
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,810
"All rights reserved,
109
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:46,310
"including the right
110
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,810
"to reproduce
in any form.
111
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,810
Foreign rights to be
negotiated at a later date."
112
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:52,320
Wow, that's a wild story--
Okay. Mine.
113
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,320
Wait, hold on,
just give me a chance here.
114
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,320
"I, the aforementioned
Joe Hackett
115
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,820
"herein referred to as Joey,
116
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,820
state that
when I'm a grownup..."
117
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,820
Here he comes!
118
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:03,830
(all cheering)
119
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:16,340
As mayor of this island,
it is a privilege...
120
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,840
No, it's an honor...
121
00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:20,340
No, it's a dream
come true
122
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:21,840
to welcome back
123
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:24,350
the greatest
baseball player ever
124
00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:25,850
and quite possibly
125
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:28,350
the most magnificent
man alive--
126
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:29,350
Joey Hackett.
127
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,860
(cheering and applause)
128
00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:33,360
Before we commence
129
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,360
with the Joey Hackett
Day festivities,
130
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,360
"The Hack" has
graciously agreed
131
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,860
to take some questions
from the press.
132
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:45,370
Okay, fire away
but no curve balls.
133
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:47,370
(laughter)
134
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,370
(laughter stops)
135
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:52,380
Joe, how do you
find the energy
136
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,380
to be the greatest
baseball player
137
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:55,880
who ever lived,
138
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,380
bring peace to all
nations of the world
139
00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,880
and still manage
140
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:02,390
to look so
darn handsome?
141
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:04,390
Well, hey,
that's an easy one.
142
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:06,390
I start each and every day off
143
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,390
with a great big bowl
of Joey-O's.
144
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:12,900
Mr. Hackett!
Mr. Hackett!
145
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,400
Can I have an autograph?
146
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,400
Aw, gee, you know what?
I don't have a pen.
147
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,400
(crowd groaning)
148
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,900
I'm sorry, sir.
I should've
149
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,400
been here
sooner, sir.
150
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,910
I'll do
better, sir.
151
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,410
I told you, Brian.
152
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:25,410
You're my brother.
153
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:26,910
You don't have
to call me "sir."
154
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:27,910
Oh, you're right.
155
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:28,910
Sorry, s...
156
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:30,410
I'm sorry.
157
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:32,920
Stupid! Stupid!
Stupid! Stupid!
158
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:36,420
Yes, that's true,
but like I always say...
159
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:37,920
forgive yourself.
160
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,420
Gosh, Hack, you're
the greatest.
161
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:42,430
Yes, he is!
162
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:44,430
You're my world.
163
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,930
Joe, if you're
ready now
164
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:51,930
the limo's
here to take you
to the ceremony.
165
00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:53,940
Well, I don't think we should
start without Mrs. Hackett.
166
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,440
Where is my lovely wife?
167
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:57,440
(giggling)
168
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,440
Here I am, darling.
169
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,950
So pretty.
170
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:07,450
Mrs. Hackett,
171
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,450
it's a pleasure
to meet you.
172
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,950
My, you look
lovely today.
173
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:12,460
Well, I'm just
trying to be
174
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:14,460
the best Mrs. Joe Hackett
I can be.
175
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,960
Tell me, what
do you think
176
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,960
of your husband's
phenomenal career?
177
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,460
Well, I don't know.
178
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,960
I'm too busy trying to be
179
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,470
the best Mrs. Joe Hackett
I can be.
180
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:26,970
If we're all
ready now,
181
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,470
just follow
us on over
182
00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:29,970
to the town
hall square
183
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:32,480
where we will unveil
and dedicate
184
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,480
the statue to Joseph
Montgomery Hackett.
185
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,980
(loud cheering)
186
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,980
Yay!
187
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:39,980
And then...
188
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:41,980
we will officially
rename this island
189
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,990
NanHackett!
190
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:48,990
Hey, Hack,
191
00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:50,490
will you autograph
my crutches?
192
00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:52,500
Crutches?
You don't need crutches.
193
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,000
Well, I kind of do; I've
never walked without them.
194
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,500
I hate that word "never."
195
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,000
(moaning)
196
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,000
(gasps)
197
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,010
My God!
198
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,510
I can walk!
199
00:07:04,510 --> 00:07:06,010
You're the greatest, Hack!
200
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,010
BRIAN:
All right, all right,
hold the phone.
201
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,510
You laid on hands
202
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,020
and healed the lame?
203
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:13,020
And NanHackett?
204
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:17,020
Why not the Joe-nited States
of America?
205
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,520
You were married to Casey?
206
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,020
That was your ideal future?
207
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,020
Hey, I was 12.
208
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:23,030
She was the first one
to sprout boobs.
209
00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:24,030
But what about me?
210
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,030
Aren't I even
in that letter?
211
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,530
Well, let me
see here, hon...
212
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:30,030
(cheering)
213
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,030
(chanting):
Joey! Joey! Joey!
214
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:34,540
Joey! Joey! Joey!
Joey! Joey! Joey!
215
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:37,540
Joey! Joey! Joey!
Joey! Joey! Joey!
216
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,540
Joey! Joey!
217
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:40,540
Joey!
218
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,050
I...
219
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,550
Joey!
220
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:46,050
JOE:
Nope...
221
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,050
Sorry. You
weren't in it.
222
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,560
Hey, what's going on?
223
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,560
Oh, we're just looking
through this time capsule
224
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:02,060
we buried as kids--
225
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,570
looking at the stuff
we put in there.
226
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:05,570
Wow. What's that?
227
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,070
The "Bond" issue of Playboy.
228
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,570
Not the magazine--
that adorable little rock.
229
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:10,570
May I see it?
230
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:13,580
Oh. Well,
that's my pet rock. Here.
231
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,580
All right, me next.
232
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,580
There's a certain quality.
233
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,080
I find myself
strangely drawn to it.
234
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,590
"I, Brian Hackett..."
235
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,090
Charisma-- that's what it is.
236
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,590
"I, Brian Hackett,
20 years from now will be..."
237
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:32,600
(gunshot)
238
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,610
(imitates Sean Connery):
Very nice.
239
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:45,110
But I'm in the mood
for something dry.
240
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,610
As you wish.
241
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,120
A martini that's...
242
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:55,120
Yes, I know how you like it.
243
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,120
Somebody's trying to make...
244
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,620
a point.
245
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,630
"Good evening, Agent Hackett.
246
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:08,130
"The enemy has launched
a laser satellite
247
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,130
"aimed at the White House.
248
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:12,130
"You are to neutralize it.
249
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:14,140
"Oh, and by the way,
watch your...
250
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:15,640
watch your pack"?
251
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:16,640
Excuse me.
252
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,640
Thong...
253
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,640
can you make this out?
254
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:34,660
(screaming)
255
00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:37,160
Rest in pieces.
256
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,160
(doorbell chimes)
257
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,670
Hey, Brian, you ready?
258
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,170
League finals tonight.
259
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,180
I think
we're going to take them.
260
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:56,180
I'm afraid that's not
up my alley tonight.
261
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,680
Aw... nuts!
262
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:02,190
Well, the other fellas
are sure going to be sore.
263
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:03,690
Please convey my regrets.
264
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,190
Tell them...
265
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,690
...something's come up.
266
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:11,190
JOE:
Man, what a
super cool pad,
267
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:13,200
and all on a teacher's salary.
268
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,200
Geez, I should've
gone into teaching.
269
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,200
That's where
the money is.
270
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,700
Oh, wow! Hot stereo.
271
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:25,210
Good morning, starshine
272
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:28,710
The Earth says hello
273
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:32,220
You twinkle above us
274
00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:35,220
We twinkle below
275
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,220
Glibby glube gluby
276
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,220
Naybe nobby nuby
277
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,220
La-la-la-lo-lo.
278
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,230
You know, I tried to get
the guys at the Red Sox
279
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:47,230
to give me a raise
but the guy says I got
280
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,730
something wrong with my arm,
says I got no control,
281
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,240
says I keep throwing peanuts
to the wrong guy.
282
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,240
(doorbell chimes)
283
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,740
I'll get it.
284
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,240
Hi, Brian.
285
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,240
Listen, there's a bunch
of dead guys
286
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,240
piled up outside
your building.
287
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,750
Anyway, let's get going.
288
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,750
We'll miss
the free wienie bar.
289
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:06,250
Brian can't go, Helen.
290
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:07,750
Oh, no. Again?
291
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,750
But it's league finals
292
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,750
and I've
perfected my form.
293
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,760
As striking as that is...
294
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,260
spare me.
295
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:24,270
No one said anything
about my new bowling outfit.
296
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:26,770
I'm sorry, my love.
297
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,270
It's...
298
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:29,270
(silenced gunshot)
299
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:30,270
(screaming)
300
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:33,780
...to die for.
301
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,280
Well, let's get
going, Helen.
302
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:36,780
I want to get
there early,
303
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,280
run this baby through
the ball washer.
304
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,280
They got a new one.
305
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,290
Oh, hello.
306
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,290
Brian,
your cleaning lady's here.
307
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,790
Joe, Helen,
308
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:48,790
you remember
Mounds O'Plenty.
309
00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:50,790
JOE:
Hi, Miss O'Plenty.
310
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:51,790
Brian's such a slob.
311
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:54,800
He got a new cleaning lady
every night.
312
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,300
Remember, I don't do windows
313
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,800
and I get off at 10:00.
314
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,310
You underestimate me.
315
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:10,310
JOE:
Now, hold it.
316
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,820
I can't believe
you actually thought
317
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:15,320
you were going to be
an international spy.
318
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,320
Someone had a little
problem with reality.
319
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,820
I think I would've made
a great spy.
320
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,330
I don't know why
I didn't pursue it.
321
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,330
Yeah-- this from the kid
who wet himself
322
00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:27,330
when I threw a snail at him.
323
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,330
It got stuck in my hair.
324
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,840
Well, all I can say
is thank you both.
325
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,340
In your letter, I wasn't
even on the planet
326
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,340
and in your letter,
I was a planet.
327
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,840
CASEY:
Okay, now let's read mine.
328
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,350
"I, Casey Chappel,
329
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:44,350
"the first
and most beloved daughter
330
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:46,350
of Dee Dee and Phil Chappel..."
331
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,850
Beautiful, Casey!
332
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:48,850
Beautiful!
333
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:51,350
That's it.
Give me more.
334
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:53,360
Now give me that famous pout.
335
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,360
Ooh!
336
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:56,860
Show me the perfume.
337
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,860
Beautiful!
338
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,860
Oh, money
in the bank.
339
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,870
Hold it. We've
got to reload.
340
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:03,870
Hair! Makeup!
341
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,870
Doll, you were
spectacular.
342
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,870
I literally had
tears in my eyes.
343
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:13,880
Yes, keep making with the
heavy thumb on the Aqua Net,
344
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,380
we'll all have
tears in our eyes.
345
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,380
Slow down.
346
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,380
You're giving her
a helmet head.
347
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,380
Ow!
348
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,890
Slut.
349
00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:23,890
Skank.
350
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,390
Boys, boys, please.
351
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:27,890
Can we remember
what this is all about?
352
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,390
Me.
353
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:30,890
Absolutely right,
sweetheart.
354
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:33,400
Some of us are just
in a mood today.
355
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,900
Well, at least
I'm not tacky enough...
356
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,400
Hmph! To wear clogs.
357
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:39,900
(gasps)
358
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,410
Casey, the client wants
us to shoot the perfume
359
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:47,410
with just your hands
and not your face.
360
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,410
(both gasp)
361
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:50,410
Well!
362
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,920
We'll see about that.
363
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,920
Where's my agent?!
364
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:57,920
I'm holding.
I'm holding.
365
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:58,920
Right on cue.
366
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,420
Gigantor's here.
367
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,420
Oh, you're terrible.
368
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:03,930
Hey, cupcake, come here.
369
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:14,940
And you, go roust up
some doughnuts. Let's go.
370
00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:17,440
You should
always wear black.
371
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,940
It's very slimming.
372
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,440
Yeah, Bernie, look,
373
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,950
we're not talking about
some flash in the pan.
374
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:27,950
Casey Chappel won't work
for chump change.
375
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:33,960
Oh, bubbula,
what's with the long face?
376
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,960
Oh, they want to
shoot the perfume
377
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,460
without my face.
378
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:38,960
Just my hands.
379
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,460
What?!
380
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:47,470
Who is that?
381
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,470
Casey Chappel.
382
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,470
That's right, binky.
383
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:52,470
So if you want
a close-up of a hand
384
00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:55,480
I got a model right here
who wants to work with you.
385
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,480
Yes, sir.
Anything, sir.
386
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,480
I'm sorry, sir.
387
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,480
Where's twinklebuns
with my cruller?
388
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:12,500
Casey, if you're
ready, we can start.
389
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,000
(music playing)
390
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,000
Gorgeous.
Smashing.
391
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,500
Hold it right there.
392
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,000
Beautiful! Beautiful!
393
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,010
Yes!
394
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:25,510
Terrific!
395
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,020
Fat again?
396
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:43,030
What is wrong
with you people?
397
00:15:43,030 --> 00:15:44,530
So I was a big girl.
398
00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:46,030
Couldn't you see
past that?
399
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:47,530
Sure. Just move three steps
to the right...
400
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,530
And lean way over.
401
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,030
Very funny.
402
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,540
All right, it's my turn.
403
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:56,040
I've heard all your sick,
demented ego trips
404
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,540
but it ain't over
until the fat lady reads.
405
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,550
It's over.
406
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,050
Oh, wh-what is in there?
407
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,550
Nothing. It's just stupid.
408
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,550
Oh, as opposed to
"double-o idiot"?
409
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:11,050
Oh, come on, haven't we
had enough for one day?
410
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,050
No.
411
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:14,060
Sit.
Read.
412
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,060
"In my future,
413
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,060
I, Helen Chappel..."
414
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,560
CROWD (chanting):
Helen! Helen! Helen!
415
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,060
Oh, thank you.
416
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,570
I love you all.
417
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:25,070
Whew!
418
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:27,070
Another amazing concert,
Miss Chappel.
419
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:30,070
Proof once again you are
the greatest rock cellist
420
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:31,070
the world has ever known.
421
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:33,080
Oh, please.
422
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,080
Just 'cause you read it
in Rolling Stone,
423
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,580
don't you go believing it.
424
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,580
I hear them calling
for another encore.
425
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,080
I already gave them 14.
426
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,090
I'll be glad
to give them a 15th
427
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:45,590
but I'll be late
tucking in the orphans.
428
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,090
(knocking)
429
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,090
BOTH:
Is Helen here?
430
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,590
Folks, folks, folks,
431
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:51,590
this is a
private area.
432
00:16:52,090 --> 00:16:55,600
Hey, I got something
that'll change your mind.
433
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:59,100
Here, say hello to
Mr. George Washington, huh?
434
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,600
That ought to work,
Diamond Jim.
435
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,600
Casey? Brian?
436
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,110
That's okay. Let them in.
437
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,610
Are you sure?
438
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,610
Yes. This is
my dear sister
439
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,110
and brother-in-law.
440
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:10,610
Hey!
441
00:17:10,610 --> 00:17:12,110
H-h-hey!
442
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:14,120
It's great
seeing you guys.
443
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,620
You're looking...
444
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,620
Great seeing
you guys.
445
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,120
Oh, fancy digs.
446
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,620
Hey! Nice hooch.
447
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,630
Hey, this must've
set you back
448
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:25,630
like two, three
bucks, huh?
449
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,630
Whatever this baby cost
450
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:30,130
would feed us for,
like, a month.
451
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,630
Yeah, why don't you just
pick her pockets?
452
00:17:32,630 --> 00:17:35,640
Why don't you shut
your blowhole?
453
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,140
Oh, go on,
give me a reason!
454
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,640
Yeah! Yeah!
455
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,140
Well, you look
beautiful tonight.
456
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:43,150
Thank you.
457
00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:44,650
What is that? Silk?
458
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:47,150
Ooh, that was subtle.
459
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,150
Shut up!
460
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,150
So did you see the show?
461
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:53,660
No, sorry,
didn't get to see it.
462
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,160
He scalped the
tickets you gave us.
463
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,660
Well, it fed your
face, didn't it?
464
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,160
Oh, yeah.
465
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,160
Dinner at Denny's.
466
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:03,170
I had to pretend
it was my birthday...
467
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:04,670
again!
468
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,170
So, you in town long?
469
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,670
Uh, nah, actually,
eh, got kind of
470
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:12,670
a big business
deal cooking--
471
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:14,680
you know,
something
in sales.
472
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,180
Sales. Yeah.
473
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:19,180
He's selling his hair,
his blood and his sperm.
474
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:22,690
Believe me, those
wells are drying up.
475
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,190
Eh, you're always knocking
me down, aren't you?
476
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:27,190
Knocking me down!
477
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,190
How much this time?
478
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:30,690
Nah, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah!
479
00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:32,190
Come on, put that away.
Put that away.
480
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:33,700
We don't need
any help.
481
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:34,700
However, 600...
482
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,200
a thousand
ought to cover it.
483
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,200
Thank you.
484
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,700
God bless you.
485
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,700
Listen, of course,
this is just a loan,
486
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,210
as we all know,
and believe me,
487
00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:45,210
I will pay it back
as soon as my...
488
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,710
big business deal closes.
489
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,710
Yeah, or another
sperm bank opens.
490
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:51,210
Give me that.
491
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,720
Now that's
a safe place.
492
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,720
Nobody'll ever
look down there.
493
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,720
CROWD (chanting):
Helen! Helen! Helen!
494
00:18:58,720 --> 00:18:59,720
Some guy outside
wants to see you.
495
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,220
You want me to get rid of him?
496
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:02,730
Oh, no.
497
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,730
After all, my fans
follow me from town to town,
498
00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:06,230
they set up
little communities.
499
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,230
I'd be nowhere
without the Helenheads.
500
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:11,230
Show him in.
501
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:12,740
Come in.
502
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,240
Oh, wow, man.
503
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,240
I'm like really here.
504
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,740
Are you sure?
505
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:23,750
(goofy chuckle)
No, not really.
506
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:25,750
Anyway, oh,
you were, like...
507
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,750
incredible tonight.
508
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:28,750
Thank you.
509
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,250
Hey, can I sign
something for you--
510
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:32,760
your headband or your love beads
or your Birkenstocks?
511
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:34,260
Hey, Helen, man,
don't you recognize me?
512
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,760
I'm Joe Hackett.
513
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:40,260
I've been at every concert
on the "Mello Cello" tour.
514
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:43,270
Your sister's
married to my brother.
515
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:45,770
Oh! Right!
The successful Hackett.
516
00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:48,770
Yeah, that's right, man.
517
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,770
Well, it was
great seeing you
518
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:53,280
and I'd love to
stay and chat
519
00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:55,780
but, um, maybe you
better get back
to your seat
520
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:57,280
for the encore.
521
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:57,780
No. No, man.
522
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,280
I love you.
I love you.
523
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,280
I need you!
524
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,780
I-I want you!
525
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:04,290
Hey, listen, there
will always be a seat
526
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:05,790
on my love bus for you.
527
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:06,790
JOE:
Hold on...
528
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:07,790
CASEY:
Wait a minute...
529
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:08,790
JOE:
Come on...
530
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,790
I can't believe you
made me a stalker.
531
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:13,300
Wait. I'm confused.
532
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:16,300
Was I a drunk or just a weasel?
533
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,300
Who cares?
534
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,800
I had a bad perm.
535
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,300
I told you I didn't
want to read it.
536
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,810
Well, I've had enough
memories for one day.
537
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,810
Me, too.
538
00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:25,810
Boy, I don't know
what stinks more--
539
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,310
this or Jingles.
540
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,310
I'm just gonna put this
back where I found it.
541
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:30,310
Here, Helen, give
me your letter.
542
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:33,820
Um... I'll do this
'cause you have a flight.
543
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:34,820
Oh, great. Thanks.
544
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:36,820
Wait a minute,
wait a minute,
wait a minute.
545
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,320
Were you holding
something back?
546
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,320
Tell me it's not
worse than you said.
547
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,830
Well, maybe I sugar-coated
it a little bit
548
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:45,830
but, Joe, what does
it matter?
549
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:46,830
You're right.
It doesn't matter.
550
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:48,330
We were just kids.
What do we know?
551
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,330
Okay.
552
00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:52,330
What did we know?
36296
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