Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:07,590
Mmm. I do not know
2
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:10,090
what Chappel's putting
in this tuna lately
3
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:13,100
but it actually has, uh...
what's the word I'm looking for?
4
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,600
Um, taste.
5
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,100
Oh, my god!
6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,600
Don't eat that.
7
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,600
Where were you yesterday
8
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,110
when I had the
sloppy Joes?
9
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:26,110
Uh, I-I don't know how
to tell you guys this
10
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:29,110
but, um, I just got a fax
from the Board of Health
11
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:33,120
and it seems that there
may be a teensy little problem
12
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,120
with my last shipment of tuna.
13
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,620
How teensy?
14
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,620
Well, there's a
remote possibility
15
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:44,630
that a few cans might
have been contaminated
16
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:47,630
with an itty-bitty
parasitic bacteria.
17
00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:51,630
How remote?
18
00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:55,140
Uh, oh, you know,
one in three.
19
00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:58,140
Oh, this is awful.
20
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,140
What are we
supposed to do now?
21
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:01,140
Oh, don't worry.
22
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:02,650
It's just that in
the next 72 hours
23
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,150
you might experience
some minor symptoms.
24
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:06,150
How minor?
25
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,150
Oh, gosh, like, uh...
26
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:11,660
itching, swelling,
a rash, cramps
27
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:16,160
vision loss, paralysis,
cardiac... blah-blah-blah.
28
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,160
My God, we're all
going to die!
29
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,660
No, we're not going to die.
30
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,170
Stop overreacting.
31
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:33,180
I can't believe
the doctor said
32
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,680
there's nothing
we can do
33
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,180
but just sit around and wait
for some horrible symptoms.
34
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,180
It's driving me crazy.
35
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:39,680
Relax, Cochran, relax.
36
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,180
We are going to be fine.
37
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:42,690
Oh! The rash! I have the rash!
38
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:45,190
Let me see.
39
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,690
Oh, you put your hand
in the grape jelly.
40
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,190
Oh.
41
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:52,700
Oh, Antonio,
how are you doing?
42
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,200
Terrible.
43
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,700
My hair is falling out.
44
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,700
That wasn't
one of the symptoms.
45
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,700
I know, but it still stinks.
46
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:03,210
Now, I'll be a bald
man with a parasite.
47
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,710
Ooh. I'll have to beat
the women off with a stick.
48
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,210
Hey, what are
you guys up to?
49
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:10,210
Nothing much.
50
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,720
Just sitting here
waiting to die.
51
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,220
Maybe later, take in a movie.
52
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:17,720
Well, you guys can roll over,
but not me.
53
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,220
I'm going to beat this thing.
54
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,220
I'm flushing out my system
by drinking a glass of water
55
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:22,230
every six minutes.
56
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:24,730
My goodness, how many
glasses a day is that?
57
00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:27,230
A lot. Excuse me.
58
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:31,730
Guys, I feel terrible
about what happened
59
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:33,740
so whatever you
want to order
60
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:34,740
it's on the house.
61
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,740
Helen...
62
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,750
I'm in big trouble.
63
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,750
Oh, you didn't have the
blueberry muffins, did you?
64
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,250
'Cause they're
not tuna-free.
65
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,250
No, I...
66
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,750
I just saw that psycho,
Sandy Cooper,
67
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:50,750
out on the tarmac.
68
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:52,760
She has come back
to stalk me.
69
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:53,760
Oh, here we go again.
70
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,260
When are you going to
get it through your head
71
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:57,260
that Sandy is not
obsessed with you?
Oh, really?
72
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,760
Really?
No.
73
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,260
Well, then how come every time
she comes back to the island
74
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:01,760
she finds a way
to get me alone
75
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,270
and all these
weird things happen?
76
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,270
I'm telling you,
the only reason
she is back here
77
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,770
is because she is
madly in love with me.
78
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,770
Hi, handsome.
79
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:10,270
See? Here it comes.
80
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:11,780
What did I tell you?
81
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:16,780
You better march
right over there
82
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,780
and claim your woman.
83
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:19,780
Hey, Sandy.
Hi, Helen.
84
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:21,280
Good to see you.
85
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,790
Hi, Joe.
Good to see you guys.
86
00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:25,290
What the hell
is going on here?
87
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:27,790
Actually, I ran into Brian
a couple weeks ago in Boston
88
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,290
when I was guest lecturing
at Harvard
89
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:30,290
and we had dinner.
90
00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:31,790
One thing
led to another...
Brian.
91
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:32,800
Can I see you
in my office?
92
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,300
I'm kind of busy
at the moment.
93
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:36,300
It's kind of important.
Can't it wait?
94
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,300
Whoa! Guess
that's a big no.
95
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:41,800
What are you doing?
96
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,310
This is a joke, right?
97
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,810
Tell me you are
not dating Sandy.
98
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:47,310
Listen, listen,
I know you had issues
99
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,810
with Sandy in the past.
100
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,310
That's why I didn't want
to tell you anything
101
00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:51,310
'cause I thought maybe
you'd get weird on me.
102
00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:52,820
I am not weird.
103
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,320
She's weird.
104
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,820
She is the
weirdo, not me.
105
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:59,820
Yes, I see that now.
106
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:02,330
Brian, you cannot
be dating Sandy.
107
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:03,830
This is a big mistake.
108
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:05,330
(sighs)
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
109
00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:08,330
I mean, she's attractive,
funny, successful...
110
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:11,330
I should just dump her and get
back together with Gilda,
111
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:16,340
the woman who stole my CDs
by hiding them in her wiglet!
112
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,840
Hello?
113
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,840
Hello? Don't you see
what's going on here?
114
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:24,350
She is only going out
with you to get to me.
115
00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,850
Oh, boy, you know, if we
knock out a couple of walls
116
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,850
and raise the ceiling
a little bit
117
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:30,350
then we might have
just enough room
118
00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:31,350
for your ego in here.
119
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:39,860
This has nothing
to do with my ego.
120
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,860
This has to do
with the fact
121
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,870
that Sandy finds
me so handsome
122
00:04:43,870 --> 00:04:44,870
and utterly
irresistible
123
00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:47,370
that she will
stop at nothing
124
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,870
to get the object
of her desire.
125
00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:51,370
I mean, get real.
126
00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:53,380
(phone ringing)
127
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:55,880
Hello?
128
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,380
It's for you.
Who is it?
129
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,380
Macy's. They want
to use your head
130
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:00,380
in next year's parade.
131
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:10,890
So, I had just finished this
passionate lecture on ethics
132
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,400
and I was halfway across
the Harvard Commons
133
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,900
when I realized I'd accidentally
swiped somebody's cell phone...
134
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,400
What'd you do?
135
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,900
I made some
long-distance calls
and pawned it.
136
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,410
That reminds me.
137
00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:23,410
Is there a phone I can use?
138
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,410
Yeah, it's in the kitchen.
139
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:25,910
Okay.
But don't
try anything
140
00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:27,410
'cause it's bolted
to the wall.
141
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:31,910
So, Helen, what's
for dessert?
142
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:32,920
Whatever you brought
143
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,920
'cause dessert
was your assignment.
144
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:39,420
Oh. Uh, well, uh,
I'm got a, uh...
145
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:42,930
half-eaten bar of halvah...
146
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:46,430
which probably isn't...
147
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,430
I got to go get
some ice cream.
148
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,430
Hey, Joe, thanks
for being so nice
149
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:52,440
to Sandy at dinner.
150
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,940
I'm so glad you're not
obsessing about her anymore.
151
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:57,940
Okay, here's the plan.
152
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:58,940
I figured out a way
we can trap her.
153
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,440
Oh, no! And you were
acting so normal.
154
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:02,950
No, that was
just a cover.
155
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:03,950
No. That woman wants me.
156
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:05,450
And I can prove it.
157
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:06,450
Now, when Sandy
comes back out here
158
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,450
I'll pretend we're alone
159
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,450
and then she'll
make her move for me
160
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,450
and you'll be hiding
right in that doorway
161
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:11,450
watching the whole thing.
162
00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:12,960
(gasps)
I know.
163
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,960
I'll put one of those
little spy cameras in my bra.
164
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,460
Smile.
165
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,460
Don't patronize me.
166
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:21,970
I don't have a spy camera.
167
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,970
This is the best I could do.
168
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,970
Now, you see anything
weird, you take
169
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:27,970
a picture of it.
170
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:32,480
Quick, here she comes.
171
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,980
Quick, hide, hide,
hide, hide, quick.
This is stupid.
172
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:40,480
Where are Brian and Helen?
173
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,490
Oh, uh, they went out
for ice cream.
174
00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:46,490
They won't be back for awhile,
so, uh, we're all alone.
175
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:47,990
Great, because
ever since I got here
176
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,490
there's something
I wanted to say to you.
177
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:51,490
There is?
178
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:53,500
Well, I'm all ears.
179
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,500
Joe, I know
you have a problem with me,
180
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,500
although I'm not really sure why
181
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,500
but I really appreciate your
not letting it get in the way
182
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,010
of my relationship with Brian.
183
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:06,010
And...?
184
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:07,010
And that about covers it.
185
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,510
N-no, no, it doesn't,
no, it doesn't.
186
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:10,510
Why don't we just sit
down here, and, uh...
187
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,520
Well, I don't know
if you realize this
188
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:15,520
but we're coming up on
our one-year anniversary.
189
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,020
Our anniversary?
190
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,520
Yeah, sure. Don't
you remember?
191
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,520
Last year when you surprised
me in Helen's living room
192
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,530
and staged our wedding,
and then we pretended
193
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:26,030
to go on our honeymoon
to Paris and Hawaii?
194
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:29,030
Mele Kalikemaka.
195
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:33,540
Joe, why did you just wish me
merry Christmas in Hawaiian?
196
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:36,040
Uh, because
you're my wife
197
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,040
and I didn't get
a chance to last...
198
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,540
Kalikemaka.
199
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,550
Joe, this isn't funny.
200
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:43,550
Oh, come on, Sandy.
201
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:44,550
We're here alone.
202
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:46,050
Is that any
way to talk
203
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:47,550
to your little
Joey bear?
204
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,550
Joey what?
205
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,050
Joey bear. Come
on, Joey bear.
206
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:52,560
You know, you like
to call me Joey bear.
207
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,560
Joe, stop it.
208
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,060
I know. Let's dance.
209
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,060
Like when you locked
me in your basement
210
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,560
and pretended I
was your prom date.
211
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,060
Come on, everybody
do the hustle.
212
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,570
Joe, you're scaring me.
213
00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:04,570
You're scaring me, too.
214
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:06,070
Go back, Helen,
you're blowing it.
215
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,570
I forgot my wallet.
216
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,570
Sandy, Sandy,
come on, tell him.
217
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:11,070
Tell him how you love me.
218
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:12,580
Tell him how you need me.
219
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:13,580
Tell him how you want me.
220
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,080
HELEN:
Joe, why don't you
221
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,080
go upstairs
and lie down?
222
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,080
N-no, no. No.
223
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,080
I-I'm telling you
224
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,580
the only reason
she came back here
225
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:20,580
is to get me.
226
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:21,580
She wants me.
227
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,590
Me! Me!
228
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,090
Me!
229
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:32,600
W-Why... why are you
looking at me that way?
230
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,600
(laughs)
231
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,600
Oh, I get it.
232
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,600
You think I'm nuts.
233
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,100
Well, I am not nuts.
234
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:43,610
Oh, no, not me.
235
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,110
Well, that's a relief.
236
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,620
Thank you for seeing us,
Dr. Grayson,
237
00:08:58,620 --> 00:08:59,620
and congratulations
238
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,120
on taking over
your father's practice.
239
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,130
He finally retired, huh?
240
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:05,630
Well, if you call
leaving my mother
241
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,130
and running off with one of
his patients "retiring,"
242
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,630
then yes,
he finally did that
243
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:13,140
But we're here
to talk about Joe.
244
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:14,640
So, Joe,
245
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,640
what seems to be your problem?
246
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,140
Hmm.
247
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:23,650
Look, there is
a perfectly simple
248
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,650
rational explanation
for all of this.
249
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:28,650
There's a crazy woman
who is obsessed with me.
250
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:31,650
Two years ago at my senior prom
in her basement,
251
00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:34,160
I'm wearing a powder blue tuxedo
and doing the hustle.
252
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,160
I mean, what is that?
253
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:38,160
But that is nothing
compared to my wedding
254
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,160
in Helen's living room last year
and the honeymoon--
255
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,670
two minutes, two countries,
a nightmare.
256
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,670
But she only does it
when no one else is around
257
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,170
so no one else believes me
258
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:50,170
so you see,
I don't have a problem.
259
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,670
She does.
Thank you and good-bye.
260
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,680
Your father was
institutionalized, wasn't he?
261
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,180
Yeah? So?
262
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,680
My father was quirky.
263
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,180
Quirky? There was a month
264
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:02,180
where he thought
he was a waffle.
265
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:05,690
We poured syrup on him,
he calmed right down.
266
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:09,190
Joe, Helen mentioned
on the phone
267
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:10,690
that you've been under
a lot of stress lately
268
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:13,200
what with your house
burning down and all...
269
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,700
Yeah? So?
270
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,700
Well, we know your father
dealt with stress
271
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,700
by retreating
into a fantasy world.
272
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,700
Isn't there a chance you could
be doing the same thing?
273
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:23,710
No. No!
I am nothing like my father!
274
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,210
I am not a waffle.
275
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,210
Is it possible
that things didn't happen
276
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,210
the way you remember them?
277
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:32,210
No, no. Everything happened
exactly that way.
278
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,720
Exactly? Are you sure?
279
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,220
I'm pretty sure.
280
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:41,220
Pretty sure.
281
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,230
I'm kind of sure.
282
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:46,730
Kind of sure, Joe?
283
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,230
Well, um...
284
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:51,730
I thought I was,
but now I don't know.
285
00:10:51,730 --> 00:10:52,740
Um...
286
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,240
I'm confused.
287
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,740
Nothing makes any sense.
288
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,740
I need to sit down.
289
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,240
You are sitting down.
290
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:06,750
Attention, Sandpiper passengers,
291
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,250
Flight Three to Boston
292
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,250
will be departing
in five minutes.
293
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,760
Departing.
294
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,260
Now, that's an interesting word,
isn't it?
295
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,260
You know,
not many people
296
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,760
know this about me
297
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:21,260
but I'm a deeply
religious woman.
298
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:22,770
I wasn't yesterday
299
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:27,270
but then again, yesterday
I wasn't a walking time bomb.
300
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:32,780
Now let us pray.
301
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:34,780
Quitter!
302
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:37,280
(chuckling):
Well, I'm not
going anywhere.
303
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,280
Excuse me.
304
00:11:42,790 --> 00:11:43,790
Hey, Roy.
305
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,790
Well, in case
we, uh...
306
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,790
well, don't make it.
307
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:52,800
There's something
I need to get off my chest.
308
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,300
What is it?
309
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,800
You remember
a couple of years ago
310
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,300
when you said you left
your umbrella in my cab
311
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,800
and I said I couldn't find it?
312
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,810
It's been keeping me dry
for two years.
313
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,310
That's okay, Scarpacci.
314
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:12,310
In fact, I got something
I want to get off my chest, too.
315
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:15,320
Do you remember
when you dinged my El Camino
316
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,820
and you gave me 500 bucks
to repair it?
317
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:18,820
Yeah.
318
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,820
Well, the insurance
covered it.
319
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,330
And the ding
was already there.
320
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,330
Really?
321
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:33,340
Well, that makes it easier
for me to tell you this.
322
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:37,340
Do you remember
a couple of years ago
323
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:38,840
at the club car
324
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,840
I told you I liked this girl
325
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,350
and then the minute
my back was turned
326
00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:44,850
you hit on her?
327
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,350
(chortles)
328
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,850
Yeah, I remember.
329
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,350
Well, I got sort of upset
330
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,350
and I made a call to the I.R.S.
331
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:53,860
and that's why you've
been paying back taxes
332
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,360
for the last five years.
333
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:00,860
You're kidding?
334
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,370
Well, that's kind of funny...
335
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:06,870
'cause I made a,
I made a call, too.
336
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,370
Do you remember
when you made that crack
337
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,370
about me needing Greenpeace
to come in and clean up my hair?
338
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,370
Sure.
339
00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:14,880
Well, that kind of bugged me,
so, uh...
340
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,380
I called the immigration people
and I ratted you out
341
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,380
and that's
when you almost got deported.
342
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:22,890
Oh, yeah?
343
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:27,890
I overfed your fish.
344
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,390
I slashed your tires.
345
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:31,390
I firebombed
your garage.
346
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:33,900
I put the snake
in your mailbox!
347
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,900
You're a great friend.
348
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,900
Oh, buddy, I'll miss you.
349
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,910
Hey, Helen,
how's Joey feeling?
350
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:43,910
Any better?
351
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,910
Well, the medication
that Dr. Grayson gave him
352
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:46,910
seems to be helping.
353
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,410
He seems much better.
354
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:51,910
HELEN:
Hi, Joe.
355
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,420
Hi, Joey.
356
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:57,920
How ya doing?
357
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,420
Fine. Okay.
358
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,420
Pretty good, I guess.
359
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:03,430
I don't know.
360
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:06,430
Well, all right!
361
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:08,930
I may have to teach you
the business.
362
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,930
Joe, would you
like some lunch?
363
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:12,440
Okay.
364
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,440
Here you go.
365
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,440
I'll have a B.L.T.
Mmm.
366
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,440
No. Wait.
367
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,950
I should have a hamburger,
shouldn't I?
368
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,450
No!
369
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:27,950
I'll have eggs.
370
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,450
I like eggs.
371
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:30,450
Don't I?
372
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:32,960
(crying):
Yes, you do.
373
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,460
Good. Then I'll have eggs.
374
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,960
Wait. I can't
have lunch.
375
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,460
I got to take a flight.
376
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:41,960
Wait! Hey, Joe, wait.
377
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,970
Here's a thought--
I'll tell you what.
378
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:44,970
Why don't I
take your flight
379
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:46,470
and that way you can
just go into the office
380
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:47,970
and take
a nice long nap.
381
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,970
I like naps.
382
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,470
And when you wake up,
383
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:53,980
it'll be time for
your appointment
with Dr. Grayson.
384
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,480
I like him, too.
He's nice.
385
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,480
Joe, you're
doing good.
386
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,980
Yeah, we're proud
of you, Joe, proud.
387
00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:04,990
Someone pour syrup on him.
388
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:08,490
Poor bastard's a waffle.
389
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,000
Dr. Grayson,
I'm here for my appointment.
390
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,510
Sandy?!
391
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,510
We need counseling, Joey bear.
392
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:34,520
Our marriage is in big trouble.
393
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:44,030
Honey, I'm so glad you came.
394
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,030
It means you care
about our marriage
395
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:47,030
just as much as I do.
396
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:48,530
Sandy. Oh, my God.
397
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,030
I'm hallucinating.
398
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,540
I got to do that exercise
that Dr. Grayson told me to do
399
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,540
whenever I get confused.
400
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:57,040
She's not really here,
she's not really here.
401
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,040
She's not really...
402
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,040
I will not be ignored!
403
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,050
Oh, she is so here.
404
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,050
That's right.
405
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:07,050
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
406
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,550
If you're here, that means
I'm not imagining this.
407
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:12,050
That means I didn't imagine
any of this,
408
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:14,060
and that means that
I'm not crazy-- you are!
409
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:17,560
Just the kind of talk
that's ruining our marriage...
410
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,060
Good, good, you remember
411
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:21,060
to act just that nutty
when the doctor gets here,
412
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,070
which should be any minute.
413
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:25,070
What are you
talking about?
414
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:28,570
The doctor's already here!
415
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,570
This is Dr. Rosenbear.
416
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:37,080
Really? Is he, uh,
Freudian or Paddington?
417
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,580
Do you see what I have
to put up with, Sidney?
418
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:43,590
(German accent):
Well, clearly, you both push
each other's buttons.
419
00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:44,590
Joe, what do you think?
420
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,090
No. Sandy,
I am not talking to...
421
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,590
(normal voice):
Talk to the doctor!
422
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,590
I'm paying for
these sessions!
423
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:52,090
They're coming
out of my salary!
424
00:16:52,090 --> 00:16:53,100
Clearly, you
don't make enough.
425
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:56,100
Oh, doctor, did that
sound castrating?
426
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,100
(German accent):
I don't know.
427
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:00,100
Let's ask Joe.
428
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,110
No, I don't think
she's castrating.
429
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:07,110
I think she's
a freakin' psycho.
430
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,610
Now, now, we're all here
for the same reason:
431
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,110
to save this marriage.
432
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:13,120
Yeah, that-that's right.
433
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,120
And we should stay here
and work on it
434
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:19,120
till Dr. Grayson comes
and locks you in his padded van.
435
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,620
I'd like you to try
an exercise from my book.
436
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,630
(normal voice):
Oh, "the trust game!"
437
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:25,130
Great idea!
438
00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:26,130
I'm not playing any game.
439
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:27,630
You just stand behind me...
440
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,130
I'm not doing this...
441
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,630
And then I fall backwards,
and you catch me.
442
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:33,140
Okay, I'll give it a shot.
443
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:34,140
Ready?
444
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,640
Come to papa.
445
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:42,650
(German accent):
Ooh, that's got to hurt.
446
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,650
I think we still have
some anger to work through.
447
00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:47,150
Let's try the foam bats.
448
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,150
Oh, boy.
Yeah, now we're talking.
449
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,150
You stupid
450
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,150
lousy jerk!
451
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:53,160
I hate you, hate
you, hate you!
452
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:54,660
That's better.
453
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:55,660
Hey! Hey, wait!
454
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:56,660
I still have anger.
455
00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:58,660
(German accent):
I think I have the solution
456
00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,660
to your marital problems:
457
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,660
Have a baby.
458
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,670
(normal voice):
Oh, Joey, he's right!
459
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:04,670
And hurry.
460
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:06,170
I'm ovulating.
461
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,670
No! Dr. Grayson!
462
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:12,170
Oh, Joey bear,
that was magic.
463
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:15,680
Honey, I have some
wonderful news.
464
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:18,680
We're pregnant.
465
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,680
Oh... oh, Sandy.
466
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,690
This is a whole
new level of...
467
00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:24,690
(blubbering)
468
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:26,690
Oh!
469
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,690
Oh! Oh!
470
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,690
I'm in labor!
471
00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:33,200
Thank God
we took Lamaze classes.
472
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,200
(exhaling rhythmically)
473
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,200
You did this to me!
474
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,700
Joe! Joe! The pain!
475
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,200
I need drugs!
476
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,710
We're way past drugs, baby.
We're talking voltage.
477
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,710
Oh!
478
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,210
It's a little boy--
479
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:54,220
a little Joey bear,
and he looks just like you.
480
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,720
I don't think so.
481
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,220
Frankly, I think you've been
diddling Dr. Rosenbear.
482
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,220
(laughing)
483
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:05,730
(sobbing)
484
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:08,230
Oh, god...
485
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,730
I'm suffering
from postpartum depression.
486
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,740
You'll have to forgive me
487
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,240
if I start acting
a little strange.
488
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,740
Ha! Start?
489
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,240
Oh, look at the time.
490
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:23,250
Time to enroll Joey bear, Jr.
in preschool.
491
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:25,750
How else is he going
to get into Harvard,
492
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,250
and believe you me,
he is going to Harvard.
493
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,750
Go, Crimson.
494
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,760
Say bye-bye to Daddy.
495
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:34,760
(child's voice):
Bye-bye!
496
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,760
Wait. No. Sandy...
497
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,260
Sandy, wait!
Dr. Grayson's not here yet!
498
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,760
Sandy...
499
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:40,760
Joe, there you are.
500
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:41,760
Oh, Dr. Grayson,
thank God.
501
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:43,270
Did you hear all that?
502
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:44,270
Hear what?
I just got here.
503
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,770
There must have been a mixup.
504
00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:47,770
I got a message
to meet you at your office.
505
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:50,270
Sandy-- she was here.
She was just here...
506
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:53,280
and we had marriage counseling
with a teddy bear,
507
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,780
and then she got pregnant
508
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,780
then she gave birth
right on that couch.
509
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,780
And that was
a teddy bear... too,
510
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,280
and-and...
511
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,790
And... you don't...
believe
512
00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:06,790
any of this, and, uh...
there's no reason you should
513
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,290
and, uh...
514
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,290
(blubbering)
515
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:10,290
See ya.
516
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:26,810
Joe?
517
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,310
Yep. I'm back.
518
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,810
(gasping):
Oh, that dead, vacant
look in your eyes
519
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,320
is almost gone.
520
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,820
Man, that Dr. Grayson,
he's a miracle worker!
521
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,320
Let's just say that, uh...
522
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,320
I had a breakthrough
in his office today.
523
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:42,320
Oh, that's so good.
524
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:47,330
Are you sure you're over
this "Sandy" thing?
525
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,330
Completely.
526
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,330
Good. Well, why don't you say
good-bye to her?
527
00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:51,830
She's in the office with Brian.
528
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:52,840
Great idea.
529
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,340
Okay, here's the plan:
530
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:57,340
What?!
531
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,840
You stand right over here
532
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,840
and you just listen to
everything and remember.
533
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,350
Yeah, but I got to go...
534
00:21:03,350 --> 00:21:04,850
Just do it,
just do it.
535
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:07,850
Sandy, I-I...
536
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,850
hope things weren't
too weird for you.
537
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:11,350
Well, you know,
I adore Joe,
538
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:12,860
but I guess there's
one in every family.
539
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:13,360
Hey, Sandy.
540
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:14,860
And here's mine.
541
00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:16,360
Well, listen, Sandy,
I'm late for my next flight.
542
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,360
When I'm in Chicago,
I'll call you, okay?
Okay.
543
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,860
All right.
Bye, Brian.
544
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,360
Bye.
545
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,870
Well, Sandy...
546
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:26,870
Well, Joe.
547
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:29,370
You weren't, uh, gonna
leave without saying
good-bye, were you?
548
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:31,870
Oh, I couldn't do that.
Good-bye, Joe.
549
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,880
Oh, uh, Sandy, isn't there
550
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:36,880
anything else
you want to say?
551
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,880
Yes, there is.
552
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,380
Take care of yourself.
553
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:41,380
JOE:
Damn!
554
00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:45,390
Oh, and Joey bear?
555
00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:49,890
Now that we have a child,
next year I'm bringing Mother.
556
00:21:51,890 --> 00:21:54,900
Casey? Casey, did you hear that?
557
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:56,400
Casey?
558
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:58,400
No!
559
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,410
Guys, great news.
Come, come.
560
00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:06,410
I just found out that
my shipment of tuna
561
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:07,910
was not contaminated.
562
00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:08,910
We're all
in the clear.
563
00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:11,410
ROY:
We are going to live.
564
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:12,410
We're gonna live.
565
00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:15,420
Oh, a thing like this
really changes you.
566
00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:18,420
I'm sorry about those things
that happened in the past.
567
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:22,420
You're right.
Roy, I'm sorry, too.
568
00:22:22,420 --> 00:22:24,930
See you later, buddy.
569
00:22:24,930 --> 00:22:27,430
Not if you hit "L"
on your computer keyboard.
38957
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof