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1
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:07,590
Hey, Joey, come on.
2
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,090
We need one more
on the tarmac
3
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,590
for a game of touch.
4
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:12,100
Hey, great, I'm there.
5
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:13,600
Hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
6
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,100
You're not going outside
without a jacket.
7
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:17,100
It's freezing
out there.
8
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,600
Helen, do I have
to wear a jacket?
9
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,600
Brian's not wearing one.
10
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,610
I don't care what the
other boys are wearing.
11
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,610
You know how easily
you catch colds.
12
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:26,610
But, Helen...
13
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:29,110
All right, Joey, Joey,
let me handle this. Okay.
14
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:31,620
Aw, gee whiz,
Mrs. Hackett...
15
00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:33,620
if you make Joey
go out there with a jacket,
16
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:37,120
the other fellows will really
give him the business.
17
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,120
Look, honey, we'll go out there,
we'll run around,
18
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,620
we'll get warmed up.
19
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:42,130
If I wear a jacket,
I'll just get overheated.
20
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:45,130
Besides, you're not
the boss of me.
21
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:47,130
Well, fine...
22
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,130
but when you are sick in bed,
23
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,640
don't come whining to me,
"Helen, bring me aspirin."
24
00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:54,140
"Helen, bring me orange juice."
25
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,640
Helen!
26
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,640
Bring me nose drops.
27
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,140
Helen?
28
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:02,650
Helen!
29
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:11,150
Uh, Helen, can you
bring me some coffee?
30
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:13,660
Bring you coffee?
31
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:15,160
Well, can I bring you
anything else?
32
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,660
How about some aspirin,
orange juice?
33
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,660
How about a
sponge bath?
34
00:01:18,660 --> 00:01:20,160
You know what,
skip the coffee.
35
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,170
I'll just go
with the sponge bath.
36
00:01:22,170 --> 00:01:23,670
I'm sorry, Antonio.
37
00:01:23,670 --> 00:01:25,670
Joe's been sick,
and all he does
38
00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:27,170
is complain
night and day.
39
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,170
He's acting like
such a baby.
40
00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:31,170
( phone rings )
41
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,180
Hi, honey.
42
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,680
Oh...
43
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,180
Oh, I know
you're not feeling good.
44
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,690
Oh, your nose is running?
45
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:44,690
Oh, your throat's scratchy?
46
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,690
And your tummy's hurting?
47
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,690
Oh, baby, tell me all about it.
48
00:01:51,190 --> 00:01:53,700
Fay, don't you
look nice today.
49
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:54,700
I'll bet I know
50
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,200
why she's all dressed up.
51
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,700
That guy from the cruise
52
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,200
is coming here
to visit her.
53
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,710
So you all excited
about it?
54
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:04,710
Well, I was,
but now I'm not so sure.
55
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,710
I mean, how well
do I really know this man?
56
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,710
All I know is
his name is Lyle,
57
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:11,210
he's from New York,
and he hogs the covers.
58
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:14,720
Luxury cruise--
59
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,720
that's the way
to travel.
60
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:21,220
I came over here
on a Greek freighter.
61
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:24,230
I mean, stuff was
going on, but...
62
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:27,730
FAY:
What was I thinking,
63
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:31,740
inviting a man I hardly know
to spend a week with me?
64
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:34,240
I must have been
out of my mind.
65
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,240
Oh, Cochran, relax.
66
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,240
What's the worst
that can happen, huh?
67
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,240
So it's a little awkward
at first.
68
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,750
So he suggests
having a few drinks
69
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,750
to loosen things up.
70
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,250
Next thing
you know,
71
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,250
he's in Rio with your jewelry
and your T-bills,
72
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:52,260
while you are handcuffed
to a water heater,
73
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:54,760
trying to dial 9-1-1
with your big toe.
74
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,760
I got to get out
of this.
75
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,760
Fay, what are
you doing here?
76
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,770
I thought you were going
to take the day off
77
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,270
to spend with your boy toy.
78
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:06,270
No, no, no... Brian,
you have to help me.
79
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,270
I've made
a horrible mistake.
80
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:09,270
I don't think I did
81
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:10,770
the right thing
inviting him here.
82
00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:12,280
Okay, I see.
Well, I'll tell you what--
83
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,280
when he gets here,
84
00:03:13,780 --> 00:03:16,280
I'll keep you real busy,
and that way,
85
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,780
you don't have to spend
too much time with him, okay?
86
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,280
Okay.
87
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:21,280
Fay.
88
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:23,790
Oh, Lyle.
89
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:24,790
How are you?
90
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,790
I didn't think
it was possible,
91
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,790
but you're even more
beautiful on dry land.
92
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:31,290
Oh, Lyle...
93
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:33,800
you're so sweet.
94
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,800
I have to admit
that I was a bit nervous
95
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,300
about coming
to see you again.
96
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,800
And now that I'm here,
looking into your eyes,
97
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,810
I realize
I was being foolish.
98
00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:44,310
Really?
99
00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:45,810
You had doubts?
100
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,810
Shame on you.
101
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:50,310
BRIAN:
Come on, Fay,
break's over!
102
00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:52,320
Chop, chop!
We got a business to run.
103
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,320
No, no, no, Brian...
104
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,820
I'd like you to meet
my good friend Lyle.
105
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,820
How are you?
Heard a lot about you.
106
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:01,320
Listen, uh... don't expect
to see too much of Fay,
107
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,830
because we might have to pull
an all-nighter.
108
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:05,830
No, Brian,
I don't think
109
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:07,830
we need to do that
'cause, you see,
110
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,830
I'm going to be going
out with my friend Lyle,
111
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:13,340
who I'm very glad
is here, really.
112
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,840
That's too bad, Fay,
because you know,
113
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,340
these work things,
114
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,840
if they don't get done
well, then...
115
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:23,350
Hey.
116
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,850
Well, that's all right, Fay.
117
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:26,350
If you have to work...
118
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,850
No, I don't have
to work, Brian.
119
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,850
Fay...
120
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,850
don't give me
a hard time.
121
00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:33,860
Come on, let's go.
122
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,360
Now, listen, you boob...
123
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,360
Lyle and I
are going out today.
124
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,860
I am not working today.
125
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:39,860
Do you understand?
126
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,360
Yeah, yeah,
that's great.
127
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,870
Listen, Fay,
ease up a bit, okay?
128
00:04:43,870 --> 00:04:46,870
You're making this much harder
than it has to be.
129
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,870
Come on, Lyle let's go.
130
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:52,880
Fay! You get in that office
right now!
131
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,880
Oh, honey, just know
that I'm here for you.
132
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,380
Hey, you must be Lyle.
133
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:00,880
I'm Helen.
134
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:01,880
Nice to meet you.
135
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,890
Hey, hey,
hey, buddy...
136
00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:05,390
Before you get
any big ideas,
137
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,890
Cochran here doesn't have
a pot to pee in.
138
00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:09,890
Roy...
139
00:05:09,890 --> 00:05:11,390
Just looking out
for you, babe.
140
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:12,900
I assure you, sir,
141
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:15,900
my intentions
are entirely honorable.
142
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,900
Well, I hope
not entirely.
143
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:22,410
Hi, Lyle.
I'm Antonio Scarpacci.
144
00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:23,910
May I say it's a pleasure
to meet you.
145
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:24,910
Oh, thank you.
146
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,910
I understand
you're retired.
147
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,910
I envy you people.
148
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:32,420
Getting into movies
for half-price...
149
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:34,920
eating dinner at 4:30,
150
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,420
not to mention all the bingo
bingo, bingo.
151
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,930
You silver foxes,
you really got it made.
152
00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:45,430
Well, I paid my dues.
153
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:48,930
For 35 years
I worked as a maitre d'.
154
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:50,930
You were a maitre d'?
155
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:53,440
At one of the finest
restaurants in New York.
156
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,940
As a matter of fact,
I'm writing a book about it.
157
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,440
It's called Right This Way.
158
00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:04,450
I'm warning you, Fay,
you walk out that door,
159
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:05,950
don't bother coming back.
160
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:12,460
( grunts )
161
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,460
( grunts )
162
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,960
Helen, when Joe
first started getting sick,
163
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,470
what were his symptoms?
164
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:24,470
He was completely
annoying,
165
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:27,470
he never gave me
a moment's peace,
166
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,470
and he whined
like a baby.
167
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,470
I think I have that.
168
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:32,980
Oh...
169
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,480
getting sick.
170
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,980
I hate getting sick.
171
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,480
Well, it's a good
thing I'm here.
172
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,480
Take this.
173
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,980
Why?
174
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:41,980
Trust me. I
always take these.
175
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,490
I haven't been sick
in eight years.
176
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,490
Just put it
under your tongue
177
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:46,990
and let it dissolve.
178
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,990
What is it?
179
00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:51,490
Dehydrated sea anemone,
fish brains,
180
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:54,000
and just a little
mosquito larva for taste.
181
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,500
I hate you.
182
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:05,010
So, where's Fay
and her maitre d'?
183
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:08,010
What is it with you
and maitre d's?
184
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:11,010
When I was a waiter
I had my fill of them.
185
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:15,020
You know, their turned up noses
and their fancy tuxedos,
186
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,520
and all the time
with the snapping,
187
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,020
you know, the snapping.
188
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:24,030
"Bus this," "Clean that,"
"Wipe this," "Kill that."
189
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:30,030
Turns my stomach to think
Fay is dating a stinking "d."
190
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,030
Well, I got nothing
against d's.
191
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,040
As a matter of fact
192
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,540
one of them moved
in next door to me.
193
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:37,040
Oh, God.
194
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,040
No, no, no. He's
a perfectly nice guy.
195
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,040
First night he spotted
me over the fence
196
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,050
and he invited
me to dinner.
197
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:44,050
( snapping fingers )
198
00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:46,550
Gave me a real nice
table by the window.
199
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,550
Hey, you two.
200
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,060
You enjoying
the island?
201
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:56,560
I never knew how exciting
Nantucket could be.
202
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,060
Oh, doing a little
sightseeing.
203
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,560
Who said anything
about sightseeing?
204
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:06,070
You don't have to
draw me a picture.
205
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,070
FAY:
Oh, Budd,
I'd like you
206
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:11,070
to meet my friend Lyle.
207
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:13,580
( yelling ):
It's a pleasure
to meet you!
208
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,080
My name's Budd Bronski!
209
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,080
Uh, Bud...
he's not deaf.
210
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,080
Oh, yeah, sorry.
211
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,080
I've been working
on the power drill!
212
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,080
So, Lyle...!
213
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,590
Budd! Budd...
214
00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:26,090
Oh.
215
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,090
( very softly ):
Lyle, I just wanted to say,
216
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,090
it's a pleasure
having you here...
217
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:32,090
( inaudible )
218
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,100
( stamps foot )
219
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,600
Okay, we'll see you.
220
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,100
Well, I'm glad
you're all here
221
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,610
because there's something
that I want to say...
222
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,610
Fay, Fay, Fay, Fay,
one second, please.
223
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:46,610
( phone rings )
224
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:49,110
Hi, honey.
225
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:52,110
Well, everyone, there is
something that I want to say...
226
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:53,620
Oh, there you are.
227
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:56,620
Listen, that larva
you gave me sucks.
228
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,620
I still feel lousy.
229
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,120
Look, I know exactly
what to do.
230
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,630
Come back to the house.
We'll thin your blood.
231
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,130
No, no, Brian, Casey,
please wait.
232
00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:07,630
I have an announcement
I really want to make.
233
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,630
Yes, you do.
Tell everybody
234
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:12,640
that flight five will be delayed
until I come back
235
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,140
with thinner blood.
236
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,640
Attention, please.
237
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,640
Flight five to Boston
will be slightly delayed,
238
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:21,640
and on a personal note,
239
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,150
Lyle and I
are getting married tomorrow.
240
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,160
Fay... you're
getting married?
241
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,660
Wow! That is... boy...
242
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,670
that, what is the word
that I'm looking for?
243
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:45,670
Uh, quick?
244
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,170
So very quick?
245
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:48,170
Oh, that may be,
246
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,170
but I have waited
my entire life
247
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,170
to find a
woman like Fay,
248
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,180
and I don't want to
wait another moment.
249
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:54,180
Hold it, hold it.
250
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:56,680
Let me, uh,
let me understand this.
251
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,680
You mean, uh,
252
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,180
you have never
been married
253
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,180
in your whole life,
and the one
254
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,190
who finally
lands you is Fay?
255
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,690
Yeah, what are
you getting at, Roy?
256
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,690
Oh, nothing. Nothing.
257
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:11,190
Well,
I think that it's spontaneous
258
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:12,190
and romantic.
259
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:13,200
Thank you, Casey.
260
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,200
What's more exciting
than two people
261
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,200
just beginning to
discover each other?
262
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,700
I agree.
263
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:21,700
And after all, isn't
that the nastiest sex?
264
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:25,210
My, uh, every happiness
to the both of you.
265
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,210
Well, uh,
266
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,710
if you'll excuse me,
I have things to do,
267
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:32,720
arrangements to make,
rings to buy.
268
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,720
And now I have the title
269
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,720
to the final chapter
of my book.
270
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,720
"Table for Two."
271
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,220
Oh...
272
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:44,730
Oh, isn't he wonderful?
273
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,730
Uh, yeah, but, Fay,
this is all so...
274
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,230
Well, just don't say "quick."
275
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:49,730
Well, I'll say it.
276
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:51,230
It's quick!
277
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,740
It is too damn quick.
278
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,740
I mean, he's nice
and everything,
279
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,240
but what is the hurry?
280
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,740
Fay, we all care
about you very much
281
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,750
and we only want
to see you happy.
282
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,250
Just answer me this.
283
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:06,750
Do my hands
feel clammy to you?
284
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,250
Look, I know
it seems fast,
285
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,750
but why should we wait?
286
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:13,260
I mean, we're
not exactly kids;
287
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:14,760
and besides, no man
288
00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:17,760
has made me feel
like this in ages.
289
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,760
Lyle is sweet,
he's funny,
290
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:20,760
he a gentleman.
291
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:22,260
I'm a very lucky woman.
292
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:25,770
Listen, I don't care
what any of you think.
293
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,770
Lyle and I are getting
married tomorrow,
294
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:28,770
in the town hall.
295
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:29,770
No, you're not.
296
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:30,270
Oh, yes, I am.
297
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:31,770
Oh, no, you're not.
298
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:35,280
You are getting married
in my home tomorrow,
299
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:37,780
and I'm going to make
all the arrangements.
300
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,780
Oh, that's so sweet.
301
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:43,290
Uh, you might want
to take a little Ajax
302
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:45,290
to that downstairs bathroom.
303
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,790
Hey. What's going on?
304
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:51,790
Oh, Antonio, I have
wonderful news.
305
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:53,800
Lyle and I are
getting married.
306
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:54,800
Well, Fay...!
307
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,300
Congratulations.
308
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,300
I wish you the very best.
309
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,800
Oh, thank you, Antonio.
310
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,810
I knew you'd be
happy for me.
311
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:12,320
Marrying a "d."
312
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:14,820
as far as I'm concerned,
she's dead to me.
313
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:23,330
Listen, uh, in case I
don't get a chance later,
314
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,830
I'm going to give you
315
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:26,330
your wedding
present now.
316
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:29,330
Oh, thank you, sir.
317
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:30,830
Right this way.
318
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:35,340
Antonio! Ah!
319
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:36,840
No, no, no. No, please.
320
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,840
Don't seat me, okay?
321
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,340
I can seat myself.
322
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:44,350
For the record, uh,
only reason I'm here
323
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,350
is out of respect for Fay.
324
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,350
I sense you don't like me.
325
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,350
Is it something I've done?
326
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:52,860
You mean other
than being a "d"?
327
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:54,360
Let me guess.
328
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,360
You're a waiter,
aren't you?
329
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,360
Was a waiter,
and a damn good one,
330
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,360
until one of your kind drove
me out of the business.
331
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,870
Yeah. It isn't
the first time
332
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:05,370
I've come up against
a bitter "wait."
333
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,870
You fellows look at us,
and all you see is the tux
334
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:11,370
and the cold, crisp manner,
335
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:13,880
but not one of you
ever took the time
336
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,880
to get to know
the man behind the podium.
337
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:17,880
Well, I mean...
338
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,380
All you waiters
were back in the kitchen,
339
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:25,390
drinking the leftover wine,
eating the unfinished dinners,
340
00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:29,390
polishing off
the occasional creme brulee.
341
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:32,900
You... y-you knew
we did that?
342
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:34,900
Of course I did.
343
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:37,900
And don't you think
I longed to join you?
344
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,400
The bartenders,
the busboys,
345
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,400
even the dishwashers
were welcome,
346
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,910
but not me. Never me.
347
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:46,910
I'm so sorry.
348
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,910
I never knew.
349
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:51,910
Consumed with
hatred for so long.
350
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:55,920
Please, could
you forgive me?
351
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,420
Well, Fay,
you look beautiful.
352
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,420
Love that pin.
353
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:01,420
Oh, thank you.
354
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,930
That's my lucky
wedding brooch.
355
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,930
I married
all my Georges in it.
356
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:08,930
Um, Fay,
all your Georges died.
357
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:11,930
Well, I said it was
my lucky brooch.
358
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:15,440
Get away from me,
you witchy woman.
359
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:16,440
I'm telling you,
360
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,940
you'll feel better.
361
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:22,450
I am not putting
crystals on my nipples.
362
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,950
Fine. Get sick.
363
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:24,950
See if I care.
364
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,950
( sneezing )
365
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,950
Oh...
366
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,950
Which one goes on the left?
367
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,460
You nervous
about the wedding night?
368
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,960
Probably not, seeing
as you've been shacking up
369
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:41,960
since you got here.
370
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,970
At least you know
what you're getting.
371
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:44,970
No surprises, huh?
372
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:46,970
Been there, done that.
373
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,970
So, where do you
want me to sit?
374
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:53,980
Preferably in your car.
375
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,980
You got it.
376
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,480
She's ready.
377
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:08,490
( organ playing
"The Wedding March" )
378
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,990
You look beautiful, Fay.
379
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:13,000
Thank you.
380
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,500
Dearly beloved,
381
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:24,010
marriage is one of our
most sacred institutions.
382
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:26,010
The joining together
of two people
383
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,010
who will love each other
384
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,510
for better or for worse,
385
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:32,010
for richer
or for poorer...
386
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:34,520
JOE:
Helen! Is it over yet?!
387
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,020
No! Shut up!
388
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:43,030
In sickness and in health
till death do you part.
389
00:15:43,030 --> 00:15:46,530
Do you take this woman,
Fay Evelyn Cochran
390
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,530
to be your lawful
wedded wife?
391
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,030
I do.
392
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:51,530
And do you take this man
393
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:53,040
George Lyle...
394
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,040
( stammers )
395
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,540
What did you say?
396
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,040
Do you take this man,
George Lyle...
397
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,040
George? Why did
he call you George?
398
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,050
Because that's my given name,
but I never use it.
399
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,550
Is something wrong?
400
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,050
Oh, yes, something's wrong.
401
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,050
Of course something is wrong.
402
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,550
I can't marry you.
403
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,560
Your name is George.
404
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,570
How could you not tell me
your name is George?
405
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:27,070
I'm sorry. I didn't know
it was a deal-breaker.
406
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,070
Well, it is!
407
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:29,570
There's a curse.
408
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:32,070
Fay plus George equals death.
409
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,080
Dear, you're not making
any sense.
410
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,080
I had three husbands
named George
411
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,080
and they all died.
412
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,580
Now, look, I'm not
a superstitious woman,
413
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,080
but if we get married,
414
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,590
you'll be dead before
the moon is full again.
415
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,090
Fay, how can I
possibly convince you
416
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,590
that this George curse
is ridiculous?
417
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:51,090
Ooh!
418
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,600
What's the matter?
419
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:54,600
I just had a kidney pain.
420
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,100
It's nothing, nothing.
421
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,100
Listen, put these
on your nipples.
422
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,100
You'll feel like
a million bucks.
423
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:04,610
I'll just put these puppies
back where they belong.
424
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,610
Fay, this is silly.
425
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:08,610
I'm in perfect health.
426
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:11,110
( moans )
427
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,110
What now?
428
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:14,120
A stabbing pain
in back of my eye.
429
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,620
Nothing to be concerned about.
430
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:18,620
Nothing to be
concerned about?
431
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,620
If I had a dime
432
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:22,620
for every George
who ever said that.
433
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:23,630
Excuse me!
434
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,630
Fay! Fay, please!
435
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:28,130
I don't understand
what's going on.
436
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,130
Just give her
a few minutes.
437
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,630
She just needs to be alone.
438
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,630
I don't care
about any silly curse.
439
00:17:32,630 --> 00:17:35,140
She could make me
the happiest man on Earth.
440
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:37,140
( moans )
441
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:40,640
Uh, what's the matter?
442
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:41,640
Nothing, nothing.
443
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,150
My throat seems
to be closing up.
444
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,650
Just nerves, I guess.
445
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,150
Yeah, I'm sure
that's what it is.
446
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,650
Oh, God,
please, not in the house.
447
00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:52,650
I'll be filling out papers
till Christmas.
448
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,160
Oh, Helen, finally.
449
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,160
Is that wedding
over yet?
450
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,170
Not yet, Joe.
451
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,170
Oh, Fay, it's you.
452
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:09,670
I'm sorry I couldn't be there
for your special day.
453
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:12,670
Uh, Joe, could I talk to you
for a minute, please?
454
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:13,680
I'm really confused.
455
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,180
Yeah, sure, Fay. What's wrong?
456
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:18,180
We were right
in the middle of our vows
457
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:21,180
when I found out that Lyle's
real first name is George.
458
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,180
Really?
459
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,190
His name is George?
460
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:24,690
Yes-- George!
461
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:27,190
I mean, I've already got
three dead Georges
462
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,190
on my hands.
463
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,190
I can't deal
with another one.
464
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:31,190
Oh, I don't know.
465
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,200
Maybe I'm just being
superstitious
466
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,200
and letting a wonderful man
walk out of my life.
467
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,200
Am I crazy?
468
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,200
Can there really be
such a thing as a curse?
469
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,200
What am I going to do, Joe?
470
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:46,210
( snoring )
471
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:47,210
Joe?
472
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,210
Oh! Flying slinkies!
473
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,210
Joe.
474
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:51,710
Oh, wow!
475
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:54,220
These antihistamines
really mess with your head.
476
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,220
Listen, Joe,
477
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,220
please try to focus.
478
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,220
I need your help.
479
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,720
Okay, the question is:
480
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,730
Can I really marry
someone else named George?
481
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,230
Let me ask you this:
482
00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:07,230
After you buried
the first George,
483
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,730
what made you want to marry
the second one?
484
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:13,240
Oh, I loved him and...
485
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,740
I couldn't imagine
living without him.
486
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:16,740
All right.
487
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,240
So after you stuck him
in the ground...
488
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,240
No, actually,
he's above ground in a vault,
489
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,250
but go on.
490
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:27,250
A vault?
491
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:30,250
Really?
492
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:32,250
Cool.
493
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:35,260
Anyway, so then you met
George number three.
494
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,760
What made you want to marry him?
495
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,760
He had
the most beautiful blue eyes.
496
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,760
It was love at first sight.
497
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,270
I knew the moment I met him,
I wanted to be his wife.
498
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:47,770
Even though
the first two Georges
499
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,270
had already gone belly up?
500
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:50,770
Why'd you take the risk?
501
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:54,780
I loved him so much,
I couldn't not marry him.
502
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,780
Well, maybe that's your problem.
503
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,280
What do you mean?
504
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,280
Maybe what you have
to ask yourself is:
505
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:05,790
Do I love this George enough
to kill him?
506
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:08,290
Well, he's a wonderful man.
507
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,290
I mean, he's kind...
508
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:14,800
Do you love him enough
to buy him a headstone?
509
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,800
No.
510
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:23,310
I'd just be killing for sport.
511
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,810
Well, I guess
you have your answer.
512
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:28,310
I guess I do.
513
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,310
Oh, poor Lyle.
514
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:32,820
This is going
to break his heart.
515
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:36,820
Well, I guess that's better
than stopping it.
516
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:43,330
Oh, Lyle.
517
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:44,830
Are you okay?
518
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:47,330
Quite-quite all right.
519
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,330
Funny.
520
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:51,830
I almost never have nosebleeds.
521
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:54,340
Well, it's all better now.
522
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:58,340
Lyle, I want you to know
523
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,840
that I care for you
very much.
524
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,350
Fay, you needn't go on.
525
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:05,350
I know that look.
526
00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:08,850
It's the look people had when
they came into the restaurant
527
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:12,350
and said, "We're not sure.
Can we just look at the menu?"
528
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:15,860
and they never sat down.
529
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:19,360
You're just looking
at the menu, aren't you, Fay?
530
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,870
I'm sorry, Lyle.
531
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:24,370
You sure about this?
532
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:26,370
There's nothing I can say
or do to change your mind?
533
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:29,370
I'm afraid not.
534
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:30,870
I see.
535
00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:35,880
May I at least have
a kiss good-bye?
536
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,380
Oh...
537
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:39,380
( groans )
538
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:41,380
My back.
539
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,890
I have a question:
540
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:50,390
What's the quickest way
to the airport?
541
00:21:50,390 --> 00:21:52,390
Right this way.
36719
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