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1
00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:09,590
Hey, uh... have you guys
picked up your mail today?
2
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:10,590
No. Why?
3
00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:12,600
Oh, God.
4
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,600
This can't be
happening again.
5
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,600
What?
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,600
Roy's birthday party.
7
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,100
Oh, no.
8
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:24,610
What hell has he got planned
for us this time?
9
00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:27,110
"Blow the whistle,
hale and hearty
10
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:30,110
"it's a choo-choo
burger party
11
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:33,120
"'cause Engineer Willy's
here to say
12
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,620
a big boy's
turning 12 today."
13
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,120
Wow!
14
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:40,620
And I thought I was pushing it
shaving three years off.
15
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:43,130
You see, this is
Roy's little joke.
16
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,630
He only celebrates his birthday
once every four years
17
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:49,130
because he was born
on February 29th-- leap year.
18
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,130
Remember four years ago
when he turned 11?
19
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:53,640
He had his party
at Uncle Funtime's Petting Zoo.
20
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,640
I couldn't get rid of that
llama smell for weeks.
21
00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,140
I couldn't get rid
of Uncle Funtime for weeks.
22
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:03,650
It took me two certified letters
and a state trooper
23
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:05,650
to get that perv
off my back.
24
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,150
Well, this sounds horrible.
What are we going to do?
25
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:10,150
There's not really much
you can do.
26
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:13,160
It's kind of like jury duty--
you get the notice, you go,
27
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,660
and wind up at a table
with 12 angry people.
28
00:01:23,670 --> 00:01:24,670
Oh, hey, Brian.
29
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:28,170
Brian, you remember last year
when you went out of town,
30
00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:30,170
and I watered
your plants for you?
31
00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:31,670
Yes, I do. Yeah.
32
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:34,180
Didn't I thank you
for that already?
33
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,180
Actually, no,
but that's okay.
34
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:40,180
Then there was the time
the propeller nicked your arm,
35
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,190
and they rushed you
to the hospital,
36
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:44,190
and I gave you plasma.
37
00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:45,690
So?
38
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:48,690
You made more.
39
00:01:48,690 --> 00:01:50,690
Yeah... yeah,
and then there was the time
40
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:53,200
that the bus was
careening toward you,
41
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,200
and I pushed you out of the way,
42
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,700
and I ended up in a cast
for six months.
43
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,200
Well, hey, I signed that.
44
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,710
You angling
for something, Antonio?
45
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:05,210
All right.
46
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:07,210
I need a little favor here.
47
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,710
See, my driver's license
just expired,
48
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:11,710
but the registry is closed
49
00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:14,220
and I can't renew it
till Monday...
50
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,220
I need you to drive
my cab this weekend.
51
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,720
Listen, Antonio, you and I
52
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,230
have been friends
for a long time...
53
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:24,230
long enough, I think.
54
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:25,730
Brian, please.
55
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:28,230
Antonio, I'd love
to help you out, but...
56
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,730
But what?
57
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,730
But I'm just not motivated.
58
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:32,740
You're right.
59
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:33,740
What was I thinking?
60
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,740
You'd have to give up
your weekend.
61
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:37,740
You'd miss
Roy's choo-choo party...
62
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,740
I'm in.
63
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:46,250
Um, look...
64
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,250
I'm a little confused
65
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,250
about this whole
Roy-birthday thing.
66
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,750
Am I actually supposed
to buy him something
67
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,260
for a little boy?
68
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,260
Mm-hmm, but there's
a few guidelines.
69
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:57,260
He hates clothes,
school supplies,
70
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,760
and he got all the Batman stuff
when he turned 11.
71
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,270
You know,
in its own bizarre way,
72
00:03:02,270 --> 00:03:04,270
it's actually kind of sweet.
73
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:07,770
No, it's just bizarre.
74
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,270
Hey!
75
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:10,270
Hey. Where you been?
76
00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:13,280
Boston, and you'll never
guess who I bumped into.
77
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,280
Roy's son R.J.
78
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280
Hold it. Roy has a son?
79
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,780
Yeah. They haven't
spoken in years.
80
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,780
They had a slight
difference of opinion.
81
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:23,290
R.J. Said he was gay,
Roy said he wasn't,
82
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,790
and darned if R.J.
wasn't right.
83
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,290
They'll be
talking tonight
84
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,790
because I invited R.J.
to Roy's birthday party.
85
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,300
You...? Helen, why in the world
would you want to do that?
86
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,800
Roy is going to flip out.
87
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:34,800
Joe, you weren't there.
88
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,800
You didn't see his face
when he asked about his dad.
89
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,300
He wants to see him
so badly.
90
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,800
Yeah, but are you sure
Roy wants to see him?
91
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,310
You just shouldn't
get involved with this.
92
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,810
Don't you see? It's fate.
93
00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:44,810
It's Fay?!
94
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:47,310
Roy and Fay have a son?!
95
00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:53,320
It's fate.
96
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,320
Fate.
97
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,320
Open up your ears, Grandma.
98
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,320
You all come out
99
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,820
and say hello to R.J.
100
00:03:58,820 --> 00:03:59,820
What? He's here?
101
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,320
Yeah, we came in
on the same flight.
102
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,330
I hope you know
what you're doing.
I do.
103
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:04,830
What more
could Roy want
104
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,830
than to see his only son
on his birthday?
105
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,830
Legos.
106
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,330
Hey, Fay,
you'll never guess
107
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:12,340
who's going to walk
through those doors.
108
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,340
R.J. Biggins.
109
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,840
How'd you know?
110
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:15,840
I hear everything
111
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,340
that goes on in the office.
112
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,840
Everything... everything.
113
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:23,350
Hey, Joe, Helen.
114
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,850
Hey, R.J.
115
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:25,850
How you doing?
Great.
Great.
116
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:27,850
I want you to meet
my Sister Casey.
117
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,350
Hi!
Hi.
118
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,350
Well, I've certainly heard
a lot about you, R-gay... J.
119
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,860
R.J.! I can't
believe I did that.
120
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:37,860
Me, coming from San Francisco
121
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,860
where they're
all over the place.
122
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,360
Uh, Casey...
123
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,370
Oh... oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean...
124
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,870
It's okay.
I know what you meant.
125
00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:46,370
Oh, thanks.
You're so sweet.
126
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,370
That's what I love
about you guys.
127
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:53,380
There's a...
128
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:55,880
simple explanation
for her behavior, R.J.
129
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,880
She's an idiot.
130
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,880
So...
131
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,380
is the birthday boy around?
132
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,390
Uh, probably in his office.
133
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:04,890
Helen, are you sure
this is a good idea,
134
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:05,890
I mean, surprising him
like this?
135
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,890
We are talking
about my dad.
136
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:08,890
R.J., just relax.
137
00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:10,390
You know,
people change.
138
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:12,400
Trust me,
your father has mellowed.
139
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,400
I don't care if you
just had a root canal.
140
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,400
Now, you smile at the passengers
or you're fired.
141
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,400
Hi, Dad.
142
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,910
R.J.
143
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:25,910
What are you doing here?
144
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,410
It's your birthday.
145
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,410
Oh.
146
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:32,920
So I thought I'd come.
147
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,420
I see.
148
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,920
This is going well.
149
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,930
So, how have you been?
150
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,430
Okay.
151
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:44,430
You look good.
152
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:46,930
Thanks.
153
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,430
I can't watch this.
154
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,430
Tell me when it's over.
155
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:52,940
Uh... you know,
this was a mistake.
156
00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,940
I-I should go.
157
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,440
R.J.?
158
00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,940
Helen, maybe next time
you will listen to me
159
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,440
about stuff like this.
160
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:02,950
I know what I'm talking about.
161
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,950
Sure you do, baby.
162
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:21,460
Ah, I can't thank you enough
for helping me out here, Brian.
163
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,970
Hey, no problem.
Excuse me.
164
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:25,970
What, what do you think
you're doing?
165
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,470
Uh... starting
up the car.
166
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:30,470
I thought we were going
to pick up some fares.
167
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:33,480
Just like that,
without any training?
168
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,980
What training?
169
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,980
Someone yells "Taxi,"
they get in,
170
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,980
you take them somewhere,
they pay
171
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:40,980
and then you declare half.
172
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,490
( laughing )
173
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,990
Except for that last part,
you know nothing.
174
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:45,990
W-where you going?
175
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:48,490
I think we need
a dry run.
176
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:53,000
( door slams )
Taxi!
177
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,500
Okay, uh, where to?
178
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,010
I'd like to go
to the Whaling Museum, please.
179
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:05,510
The Whaling Museum it is.
180
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,520
So, uh,
181
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,020
what do you think
about the situation in Russia?
182
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,020
Oh, yeah, that's a real mess.
183
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:17,520
I tell you,
I think the problem is...
184
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,520
Wrong! Pull over.
What? What?
185
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,520
What?
186
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:22,530
All right.
187
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:25,030
Two things
you never, ever talk about:
188
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:27,030
politics and religion.
189
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,530
Yeah, but you just asked
me...
190
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:31,030
Never mind what I asked.
You don't respond.
191
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,030
It's the quickest way
192
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,540
to kiss your tip good-bye.
193
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,540
O-okay, okay.
194
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:35,540
Okay.
Okay.
195
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,040
Don't worry.
196
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,540
Typical rookie mistake.
197
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:42,550
Okay. All right, let's go.
198
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,550
Listen, uh,
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
199
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:50,550
I'm a little on edge.
200
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:53,060
My landlord's giving me
a real problem.
201
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,060
I haven't had heat in two days.
202
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,560
Oh, that's terrible,
man.
203
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,060
You should get yourself
a lawyer...
204
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,060
Wrong. Pull over.
205
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,060
What? What did
I do now? What?
206
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:04,570
Never offer a personal opinion
about someone's life.
207
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:07,070
You never know what's
going to set some maniac off.
208
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,570
I do now.
I'm getting out of here.
209
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:09,570
No, you're not.
210
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:11,570
You owe me.
211
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:15,080
It's payback time,
plasma boy.
212
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,580
All right.
213
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:19,080
All right.
214
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:26,090
So, the Celtics have got
a pretty good shot this year,
215
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,590
don't you think?
216
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,590
Oh, no, no, no, no.
217
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,600
( clearing throat )
218
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:37,600
I say, the Celtics have got
a pretty good shot this year,
219
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,100
don't you think?
220
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,100
( whistling )
221
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,600
Stop the car!
Stop the car!
222
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,610
What? What? I didn't
say anything.
223
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:46,110
Exactly! I ask you
a simple question
224
00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:47,610
and you rudely
ignore me.
225
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,610
Yeah, but you said
I couldn't have an opinion.
226
00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:50,110
What was I supposed to say?
227
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:53,120
As a cab driver, there are
three appropriate responses
228
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,120
to any given situation:
229
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:59,620
"Uh-huh," "Sounds great,"
"You don't say."
230
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:03,630
That's it?
231
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:08,130
If pressed, you can also
comment on the weather.
232
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,130
Now, as I was saying,
233
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:15,140
the Celtics have got
a pretty good shot this year,
234
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:17,140
don't you think?
235
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,640
Uh-huh.
236
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,150
Very good.
237
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,650
You see, now you're ready
for your first fare.
238
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,650
Sounds great.
239
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:27,650
( laughing )
240
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,650
This is going
to be fun.
241
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,650
You don't say.
242
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,160
( bell ringing )
243
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,170
I wonder what
I should have.
244
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:46,670
I'm torn between
the Choo-Choo Chili
245
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,170
and the Caboose Kebabs.
246
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,670
What are we doing here?
247
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,670
I feel like an idiot.
248
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,180
Well, that's much better.
249
00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:02,690
Oh, you should have seen
the Biggins boys.
250
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:05,190
We whipped these two little
nine-year-olds at foosball.
251
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,690
Sent them crying
home to mommy.
252
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,690
Is this place great,
or what?
253
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,690
I'll bet I'm the
only 12-year-old here
254
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:14,700
with a son who recently
passed the bar exam.
255
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:15,700
That's true.
256
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:18,200
You're also
the only 12-year-old here
257
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,200
who's recently passed
a kidney stone.
258
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,700
And, you know, Dad,
I interviewed
259
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,710
with this big law firm
in Boston.
260
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,210
I think I have
a pretty good shot at it.
261
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,210
Oh, that's fantastic.
262
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,710
Isn't that fantastic?
263
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:29,710
Son...
264
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,210
I am proud of you.
265
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:33,720
Thanks. And my personal life's
going really well too.
266
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,720
I met someone
really great.
267
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,720
Yeah. Balloon guy?
268
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,220
We need a hat here.
269
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:44,730
Uh, so, Dad,
like I was saying,
270
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,230
this guy's
very special to me...
271
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,730
Oh, look, look!
Here's Joe and Helen.
272
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,230
Hey, you two!
All aboard.
273
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:51,230
This party train's
ready to roll!
274
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:53,240
( bell ringing )
275
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:54,740
How did it know
to do that?
276
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:56,240
It's magic, Joe.
277
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,240
( blowing whistle )
278
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,240
Hey, it's
Engineer Willy.
279
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,250
Everybody say,
"Hi, Engineer Willy!"
280
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:07,250
ALL:
Hi, Engineer Willy.
281
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:10,750
I hear we got
a birthday boy at the table.
282
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,260
So, where is he?
283
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:14,760
It's me,
Engineer Willy.
284
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,760
You're kidding, right?
285
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,260
Nope.
286
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,760
Okay, then,
why don't you follow me
287
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,770
up to the Birthday Express,
288
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:26,770
and we'll get your
choo-choo picture taken, okay?
289
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,270
You friggin' psycho.
290
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:32,780
Well, it looks like
things are going pretty well
291
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:33,780
between you
and your dad.
292
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,280
Oh, yeah.
293
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,280
Yeah, they're, uh,
they're going great
294
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,280
as long as I don't
talk about being gay.
295
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,280
Well, don't worry.
296
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,780
He'll come around.
297
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:44,290
He's a lot more sophisticated
than you think.
298
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:46,290
Next stop, Cheeseboro.
299
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:50,790
Look what I just won!
300
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:52,800
Oh, that's cute, Fay.
Where'd you get it?
301
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,800
In that machine over there
with the mechanical arm.
302
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,800
I got it on the first try.
303
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,300
You want one of those, Helen?
I'll go win you one.
304
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:01,300
Oh, I don't think so.
305
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,810
What is that
supposed to mean?
306
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,810
It's harder
than it looks.
307
00:12:05,810 --> 00:12:07,310
How hard can it be?
308
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,310
Plenty hard.
309
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:11,810
You won one.
310
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,320
Well, that's because
I spent a summer
311
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,320
traveling with a carnival.
312
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,820
We'd see a mark like you
strolling down the midway
313
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,820
and we'd say, "Come
on in, Little Abner."
314
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,330
Oh, yeah?
315
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,830
Yeah.
316
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:27,830
Somehow, I don't think
this is going to be a problem.
317
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,330
Honey, I'm going
to go and win you
318
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:31,330
a little pink bear.
319
00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:33,840
Okay, well,
be careful, Joe.
320
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,340
Don't be a hero.
321
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,840
Is this place great,
or what?
322
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,840
Engineer Willy
wants to know
323
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:43,350
if we are all ready
for Choo-Choo Chocolate Cake.
324
00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:45,350
Cake?
Does that mean it's almost over?
325
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:46,350
Are you kidding?
326
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,850
This party train
hasn't left the station yet.
327
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,850
Okay, come on, now.
328
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:55,360
Easy, easy,
yes, yes, yes...
329
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:56,360
Oh! Darn it.
330
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,860
MACHINE:
Sorry. Try again.
331
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,360
"Sorry. Try again."
332
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,360
Forget it.
333
00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:02,870
Hey, hey, hey.
334
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:03,870
I was here first.
335
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:07,370
Oh, there's Luke.
336
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,370
Who's Luke?
337
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,870
My boyfriend.
338
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:13,880
Your boy... you invited
your boyfriend to the party?
339
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,380
Oh, that's so great.
340
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,380
I thought it was when
you said Dad had mellowed,
341
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,880
but now I'm not so sure.
342
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,890
( bell ringing )
343
00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:26,390
Ooh. Very "clang-clang-clang
went the trolley." Hi.
344
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,390
Hi. I'm so glad
you made it.
345
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,390
I want to warn you.
This could get
a little strange.
346
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:31,390
It's okay.
347
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:32,390
Luke, this is Helen.
348
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:33,900
Hey, Luke,
nice to meet you.
349
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,400
And Casey.
350
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,400
Hi, Casey.
351
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,400
How was
your flight?
352
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,400
Hideous.
If God had intended
353
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,400
for people to fly,
we'd have all been born
354
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,910
with wires in our backs
like Mary Martin.
355
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,410
In Peter Pan.
356
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:51,910
Oh.
Oh.
357
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:53,420
Oh, I used to
love Peter Pan.
358
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,420
"Clap hard, everybody.
359
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:56,420
Clap if you
believe in fairies."
360
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,920
Why do I keep
doing this?
361
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:01,920
I'm a liberal.
362
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:03,430
I love you people!
363
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:07,430
Was that
the strange part?
364
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:10,430
No. Believe it or not,
she's on our side.
365
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:13,940
Chug-a-chug-a, chug-a-chug-a,
whoo-whoo!
366
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,940
Here comes the
strange part.
367
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:17,940
Oh, talk about a train wreck.
368
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,440
Hey! We have got
a new passenger, huh?
369
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,440
Dad, uh, I'd
like you to meet
370
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,450
my friend
Luke Johnson.
371
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:25,450
Mr. Biggins.
372
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:26,950
It's nice
to finally meet you.
373
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,950
R.J. has told me
so much about you.
374
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:31,450
I hope we're going
to be very good friends.
375
00:14:33,460 --> 00:14:35,460
O-o-ooh. Uh...
376
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,960
Presents. I think I'm going
to open my presents now.
377
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:42,470
Happy choo-choo birthday,
Roy Biggins...
378
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:45,470
you wacko.
379
00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:47,470
Who wants
some cake, huh?
380
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,970
Uh, I'll
have some, Dad.
381
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,470
Dad, you know, Luke
is very talented.
382
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:52,480
He built his business
up from scratch,
383
00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:53,480
just like you did.
384
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,480
Yeah, just like me.
385
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,480
You know, Mr. Biggins,
I was telling R.J.,
386
00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,480
I think that having
a leap year party
387
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,490
is a really cute idea.
388
00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:04,990
Oh, yeah,
it's real cute.
389
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:06,490
Dad, please stop that.
390
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:07,490
No, it's okay, R.J.
391
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:08,990
No, it's not.
392
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,990
I invited Luke
here to meet you
393
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:11,990
because he's my...
394
00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:14,500
I know exactly
what he is...
395
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:18,500
and I want to thank you
for throwing it in my face
396
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,000
and ruining this party.
397
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,510
Oh, so being who I am
and living my life
398
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,010
is ruining your party.
399
00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:28,510
Well, maybe I shouldn't
be at your party.
400
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,010
Come on, Luke.
401
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:34,020
R.J...
402
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:48,530
Okay, let's swing down
Main Street, okay?
403
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,030
We'll catch
the dinner crowd.
404
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,030
All right,
Antonio, look...
405
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:54,540
I need a break.
406
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,540
I'm tired, I'm hungry,
407
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:59,040
and for the last three hours
all I've said is
408
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,550
"Uh-huh," "Sounds great,"
"You don't say."
409
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,550
That is so not true.
410
00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:07,550
You've talked a lot
about the weather.
411
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,550
MAN:
Taxi!
412
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,560
To the airport, please.
413
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,060
Are you okay?
414
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,060
No. I can't believe
I was stupid enough
415
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,060
to believe my father
had changed.
416
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:22,060
R.J.?
417
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,070
Brian?
418
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:24,070
Is that you?
419
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,070
I thought you
were a pilot.
420
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:27,570
Are you doing okay?
421
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,570
Yeah, I'm
doing fine.
422
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:29,570
I'm just...
423
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:31,070
Rules. Rules.
424
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:33,080
I figured I'd see
you at the party,
425
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,080
but I guess
you missed it.
426
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,080
Uh-huh.
427
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:42,580
Well, you didn't miss much.
428
00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:45,090
Dad and I got in
a horrible fight.
429
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:47,590
He just won't accept me
for who I am.
430
00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:53,600
You don't say.
431
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,100
Well, I've had it.
432
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:58,100
I mean, if that's the way
he's going to treat me,
433
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,600
then I guess I don't want
to have him in my life.
434
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,610
As far as I'm concerned,
I have no father.
435
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:08,110
Sounds great.
436
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:11,610
What's the matter
with you?
437
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:14,120
"Uh-huh." "You don't say."
"Sounds great."
438
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,620
The man is pouring
his heart out to you,
439
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,620
and that's all
you have to say?
440
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,630
Looks like rain.
441
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:34,640
Damn.
442
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,140
Damn.
443
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:37,640
Damn!
444
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,140
MACHINE:
Sorry. Try again.
445
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,640
No, you're not sorry.
446
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,150
You're not sorry.
You're glad!
447
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,150
Oh, come on, Joe.
Give it up.
448
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:48,650
Don't make me put
you in a program.
449
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:49,650
No. No, listen--
450
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,650
you go home
if you want to,
451
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:55,160
but I am not leaving here
until I win you a damn bear.
452
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,160
Thanks, Chappel.
453
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,160
I want to thank you
454
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,670
for making this
a very special birthday.
455
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:04,670
You're right, Roy.
456
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:06,170
It's all my fault.
457
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,170
I gave you way too much credit.
458
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,670
I thought you could handle it.
459
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:13,180
I thought you were a mature 12.
460
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:15,180
You had no business
sticking your nose in
461
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:16,680
where it did not belong.
462
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,180
Well, I thought
after all these years...
463
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:20,680
Well, you thought wrong.
464
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,180
I just don't get it.
465
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,690
You treat your only son
that way.
466
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:26,690
If I had a wonderful son
like R.J.,
467
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,690
I would never let him
walk out of my life.
468
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:32,690
What do you know
about having a son, huh?
469
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,200
I watched that
kid grow up.
470
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,700
I put my whole life
into that kid.
471
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,700
I thought I was going
to see him get married
472
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,210
and have kids and...
473
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:48,210
How the hell
could he turn out that way?
474
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,710
I did everything right.
475
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:52,710
And because you did
everything right,
476
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:54,220
he turned out
to be great.
477
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,720
You should be
proud of him.
478
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,220
Oh, I would be...
479
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,220
except...
480
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:02,730
how can I be proud of...
481
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,730
you know.
482
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,230
Oh, Roy, you don't have
to be proud of it,
483
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,230
but you can accept it.
484
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:13,740
What if I can't?
485
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,740
Well...
486
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:21,240
you haven't seen him
for six years, right?
487
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:22,750
Have you missed him?
488
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,750
Of course I missed him.
489
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,250
Well, get used to it.
490
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:30,750
This is it.
491
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:31,750
This is it.
492
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:32,750
I got it.
493
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:34,260
Come on, Joe.
Let's go.
494
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,260
What?
495
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:36,760
No!
496
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:37,760
No.
497
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,260
Sorry. Try again.
498
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:40,760
No. No.
499
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,760
Here you go, pal.
500
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,270
Compliments of the house.
501
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:48,770
Hey... I don't
need your pity.
502
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,270
Helen, look what I won.
503
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,780
I'm sorry you didn't have
such a good time.
504
00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:03,290
I mean... between that
insane birthday party
505
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:04,790
and the cab ride
506
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:07,290
and, well, my dad...
507
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,790
R.J., I know
you grew up here,
508
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:11,290
so I'm only going
to say this once
509
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:12,800
and then I'll drop it.
510
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,800
This is one
screwy little sandbar.
511
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,300
That's okay.
512
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,800
No, I'll handle this.
513
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,300
Uh, you see?
514
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,300
Oh, look here.
There's been a mistake.
515
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,310
There's no charge
for these tickets.
516
00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:25,810
No, thanks. We'll pay.
517
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,810
R.J., if he wants
to pay, let him.
518
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,810
I said we'll pay.
519
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,310
R.J., you don't have to go.
520
00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:32,820
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
521
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:33,820
Oh.
522
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:36,320
Because I was thinking
if you didn't
523
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:37,320
we could, uh...
524
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,320
I mean, just because you...
525
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,830
I mean, you two are, uh...
526
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:47,330
you know...
527
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,830
doesn't have
to ruin everything.
528
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,330
Dad, who are you kidding?
529
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:53,840
You're so ashamed
of me and my life,
530
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,340
you can't even say the word
out loud.
531
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,340
Come on, Luke.
532
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,350
Okay, you're gay.
533
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:07,850
My son is gay.
534
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:15,860
There is my gay son
and his boyfriend.
535
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,360
He's gay too.
536
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,860
And I love him.
537
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,370
Well...
538
00:21:23,370 --> 00:21:24,870
not the boyfriend.
539
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,870
I just met him.
540
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,870
But I understand
he's very talented.
541
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,880
It's okay, Dad, I hear you.
542
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:34,880
No, no, it's not good enough.
543
00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:36,880
No, no, I want to try
and understand
544
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,880
about this whole gay thing.
545
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,380
I mean it. I mean it.
546
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,890
R.J., no... I do.
I really do.
547
00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:45,390
I know you do, Dad.
548
00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:47,890
Thanks.
549
00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:50,390
And happy birthday, Dad.
550
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:04,410
I'll tell you what's the matter
with this country.
551
00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:06,910
It's your politicians.
552
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:08,910
That's what's the matter
with this country.
553
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:11,410
They're screwing everything up,
I'll tell you.
554
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:13,920
And sports? Oh, man.
555
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,420
All those strikes.
556
00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:17,420
Yeah, like they need
all those millions
557
00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:19,420
to run around some field
in stretch pants
558
00:22:19,420 --> 00:22:20,920
chasing a ball around.
559
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,430
I mean, give me
a personal break, you know?
560
00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:29,430
And as for
religion, hey...
37661
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