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1
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,090
Oh, no.
2
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,090
A chain letter.
3
00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:12,600
Ah! I hate these
stupid things.
4
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:13,600
Oh, I know.
5
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,600
I got one, too.
6
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:15,600
Oh, listen to this.
7
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,100
"Do not break the chain
8
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,600
"or bad things
will happen to you.
9
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,110
"Mr. Juan Nunez
of Lima, Peru,
10
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:24,610
"broke the chain,
and 36 hours later,
11
00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:25,610
"his teeth fell out,
12
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,610
"his body was
covered in warts
13
00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:29,110
and he exploded."
14
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,120
And it says
you're supposed
15
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,120
to send out 20 of these,
or this will happen to you.
16
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,620
What kind of moron
falls for that?
17
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,120
And 20.
18
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,630
Oh, please!
19
00:00:41,620 --> 00:00:43,630
Fay, you don't
actually believe
20
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,130
this chain letter nonsense?
21
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:46,630
Oh, well, I don't know.
22
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,130
It says right here...
23
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:51,640
"This letter carries the power
of the sun god Ra."
24
00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:54,140
Oh, the sun god Ra.
25
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,140
The sun god Ra?
26
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,640
I spit on
the sun god Ra.
( spits )
27
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,140
And on whoever
sent me this letter.
28
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:02,150
Hey, guys.
29
00:01:02,650 --> 00:01:05,150
Oh, I see
you got my letter.
30
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:06,650
You sent this?
31
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,150
Well, thanks a lot.
32
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:10,150
You should
be thanking me.
33
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:12,160
"Good things
are guaranteed
34
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,160
to those
who send this letter."
Uh-huh.
35
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,160
My mom's roommate at the home
sent one to me.
36
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,160
Nine hours later, she was able
to recognize Jell-O.
37
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,670
Whatever you do,
don't break the chain.
38
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:25,670
Ah! Here's what I think of
your stupid chain letter.
39
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,670
Ow! Ow! Paper cut!
40
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:28,670
( chuckling )
41
00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:31,170
You see? The bad luck
is starting already.
42
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:33,180
I was kidding, Fay.
43
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,680
You're so gullible.
44
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,680
Hey, is there
a pay phone in here?
45
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,180
Yeah, it's right over there.
46
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:41,180
Oh, thanks.
I can't believe it.
47
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:43,690
I just plowed my truck
into some poor guy's cab.
48
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:52,200
What do you mean
49
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,200
my cab will be in the shop
for a month?
50
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,700
It's only a dented fender.
51
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,200
What water?
52
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,210
How did it get into the ocean?
53
00:02:04,210 --> 00:02:07,710
Wh-What do you mean,
these things happen?
54
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:10,710
Y-Yes, of course
I would like you
55
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:12,720
to get the smell out.
56
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:16,720
Can you believe my luck?
57
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,220
Just one moment, Antonio.
58
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:20,720
Oh, my!
59
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,730
I just scratched off
three Liberty Bells.
60
00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:24,230
I won 50 bucks!
61
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:26,230
Thank you, Ra!
62
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,230
Ah! Please, Fay.
63
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,230
None of this has
anything to do
64
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:31,230
with that stupid chain letter.
65
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:33,740
( chuckling ):
Okay, pumpkin.
66
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,240
I'll see you
tonight, huh?
67
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:42,750
Same time and
same place. Oh...
68
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,250
Good-bye,
sugar-lips.
69
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:51,750
Roy?
70
00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:53,260
Huh?
71
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,760
You and her?
72
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,260
Yup. Ridiculous, isn't it?
73
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:04,270
But, uh...
h-h-how?
74
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,270
Ra.
75
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,270
Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra!
76
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,280
(jet engine roaring above)
77
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:17,780
Well, hello.
78
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,280
Hello.
What's your
pleasure?
79
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,280
Well, gorgeous,
a few years ago,
80
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,790
my answer might
have been different,
81
00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:25,290
but right now,
I'd just like a cup of joe.
82
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:27,290
"A cup of joe."
You only hear that
in those old movies.
83
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,790
You make it sound like
I'm ancient.
84
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:29,790
Oh, no, sir.
85
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:31,290
I didn't mean
that at all.
86
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:32,300
No, I am ancient.
87
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,300
I just don't like
the sound of it.
88
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,800
( chuckling )
I-I wonder
by any chance,
89
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,300
would you have
a phone book over there?
90
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,300
I sure do.
91
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,300
I'm trying to track down
my grandchildren.
92
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:42,810
Haven't seen them
in about 30 years.
93
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,310
And the truth is,
I'm not even sure
94
00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:45,810
they're still on the island.
95
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,310
Wow. 30 years.
96
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,810
What are their names?
97
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,810
Joey and Brian Hackett.
98
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:55,820
Oh, my God! Grandpa!
99
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,320
Which one are you,
Joey or Brian?
100
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,830
I would have to say...
101
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:07,330
Mrs. Green...
102
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,830
in the library...
103
00:04:09,830 --> 00:04:11,830
with a rope.
104
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,840
All right,
now, your turn.
105
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,340
Let me see.
106
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,840
What's the wildest sex
I've ever had?
107
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:23,850
I'd have to say...
108
00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:25,350
Helen.
Oh, get out of here.
109
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:26,850
Helen,
Helen, Helen.
You're so...
110
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:27,850
Hey.
Whoa!
111
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:28,850
You'll never guess
112
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:30,850
who just walked in the terminal.
113
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,860
Mrs. Green?
114
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,860
No. I'm talking about
your grandfather.
115
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,860
Gr-Grandpa Jack?
Wh-What... wh...
116
00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:42,870
I haven't seen him
since I was about four.
117
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:44,370
I didn't even think
he was still alive.
118
00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:46,370
Well, he is, and
he's right out there.
119
00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,370
Oh, wow. I don't
believe this.
120
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:51,880
What are we
going to do?
121
00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,380
What am I going
to say to him?
122
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,380
We don't even
know the guy.
123
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:55,880
Oh, what are you
talking about?
124
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,380
He's your grandpa.
Get out there.
125
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,880
Okay, but don't think
that I'm going to get
126
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,380
all blubbery
and emotional
127
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:01,890
just 'cause the guy's
my grandfather.
128
00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:03,890
Hi, Grandpa!
129
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,390
Uh, Brian...
Not now!
130
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,890
Got my grandpa back.
Brian.
131
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:10,390
You're back.
132
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:11,900
Brian...
What?!
133
00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,900
Wrong grandpa.
134
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:16,900
Okay,
new security procedure.
135
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,400
You're clean.
136
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,900
Joey? Brian?
137
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,410
Uh... are you
Jack Hackett?
138
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:25,910
That'd be me.
139
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,410
Hi, Grandpa!
140
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:32,920
Hi there, son.
141
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,420
Boy, really great.
142
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:36,920
Oh, very nice.
143
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,420
Oh, really swell.
144
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,420
What do you say
145
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:40,920
we take a little
break now, huh?
146
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:41,920
Okay.
147
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:44,430
Well, this is, uh,
quite a surprise.
148
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:48,430
After all these years,
we'd just assumed you were d...
149
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,430
d-delayed.
150
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:51,940
Nope, I ain't delayed yet.
151
00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:54,440
Well, come here and give
your grandpa a hug.
152
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,940
Uh...
Yeah, go on!
153
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,940
Go on and hug him!
154
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,440
Hug Grandpa.
155
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:04,450
Come on, Joe.
156
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:05,950
It's your grandpa.
Well...
157
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:08,450
I don't blame him
if he's not thrilled to see me.
158
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:10,450
Hell, I've been AWOL
for 30 years.
159
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:12,460
I wouldn't blame him
if he told me to hit the road.
160
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:14,460
Oh, we would never do
that to you, Grandpa.
161
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,960
Easy there, big fella.
162
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:16,960
Love you.
163
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,960
Look, I...
164
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,460
Don't get me wrong.
165
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,960
It's, it's great
that you're back.
166
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,470
It just might take me
a little time before I...
167
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:27,970
What I mean is that I-I have
a really busy schedule today.
168
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,470
Uh, I've got to take a flight
in a few minutes,
169
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,480
so maybe later
we could just sit...
170
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,480
( blubbering ):
Oh, Grandpa!
171
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,990
So, there we are in the
middle of the jungle,
172
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:46,990
these Zulu
tribesmen charging,
173
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,990
weapons raised,
war cries filling the air,
174
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,990
and I can't get
that damn jeep started.
175
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:55,000
Wh-Wh-What'd you
do next, Grandpa?
176
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,500
Just when I thought
it was all over,
177
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,500
my guide, Dekempe,
says some kind of a prayer
178
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:03,510
and suddenly, gloriously,
that engine kicks over
179
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:06,010
and, man, I'm driving out of
there like a bat out of hell.
180
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,010
And as soon
as we're clear of that,
181
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,510
I said, "Dekempe, if you're
this close to the big guy,
182
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,020
order us up
a bottle of whiskey."
183
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,020
You kids'll have to excuse me.
184
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:17,520
I'm getting kind of bushed.
185
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,020
( all groaning )
186
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,020
But before I hit the sack,
187
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:24,030
I brought along
a little something for the boys.
188
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:26,530
Presents!
Presents!
189
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,030
I picked these up
190
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:31,030
the last time I swung
through Singapore.
191
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,540
This is for you, Brian.
192
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,040
It's a noble warrior.
193
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,040
Joey, this is yours.
194
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,040
Wise chieftain.
195
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,040
Wow. This is great.
196
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:41,540
What do you say, boys?
197
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,050
Thank you.
Thank you.
198
00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:53,560
What are you
still doing up?
199
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,060
Oh, I couldn't sleep.
200
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,560
Brian and Joe's grandpa
being here
201
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,060
got me thinking
about our grandpa.
202
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:00,560
Oh, Grandpa Chappel.
203
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,560
Popcorn?
204
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,070
Oh, no, I really shouldn't.
205
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:04,070
3% fat-reduced.
206
00:08:04,070 --> 00:08:05,070
Thank you.
207
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:06,570
What's the movie?
208
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,570
Oh, it's called
Heart of the Jungle.
209
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:10,070
It's about this guy who
goes into the jungle
210
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:12,580
in search of
treasure.
Mm.
211
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:14,580
Man ( on TV ):
Damn jeep won't start.
We're surrounded.
212
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,080
( starter cranking )
213
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,580
( engine starts )
214
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,080
Your prayers worked.
It started.
215
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,080
( jeep engine revving )
216
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,590
Dekempe, if you're that close
to the big guy,
217
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,090
order us up
a bottle of whiskey.
218
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,590
Hmm. That sounds familiar.
219
00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:30,090
Where have I heard that?
220
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:32,090
Oh, they rerun this
movie all the time.
221
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:34,600
No, I don't think
I've ever seen this.
222
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,600
Oh, my gosh.
223
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,100
That is what Grandpa said
to his guide Dekempe
224
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,600
when they escaped the Zulus.
225
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,610
Wow, that's a coincidence.
226
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:44,610
What are the chances?
227
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:50,110
None. Zero.
There are no chances.
228
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,110
Yeah, but Grandpa told us
that story happened to him.
229
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:54,120
Well, Grandpa told us
a lot of things happened to him.
230
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:55,620
What are you saying?
231
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:59,120
I think Grandpa's
full of Dekempe.
232
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:11,130
FAY:
Oh, my goodness!
233
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:12,640
Antonio, what happened?
234
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:13,640
I'll tell you
what happened.
235
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,140
He broke the chain.
236
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:17,140
Oh, it had nothing
to do with that.
237
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,640
I was driving in my rental car,
238
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:24,150
I swerved to avoid a squirrel,
and my brakes locked.
239
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,650
Well, you know
the little building
240
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:29,150
where Paul Revere
used to make silver?
241
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:32,160
That's gone now.
242
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,160
Oh, Helen...
Hey.
243
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,160
...what did Joe say
when you told him
about Grandpa?
244
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,160
Oh, I was going to tell him,
but then I decided not to.
245
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,670
I mean, what's
the difference?
246
00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:43,670
He's a sweet old man,
247
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,170
and it's just
a harmless story.
248
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,170
Well... okay, but
249
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,670
you know,
I was thinking,
250
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:51,170
every story
that he told us
is from a movie.
251
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:54,180
Like the one about
taking the steamboat
down the Nile?
252
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:55,680
That's The African Queen.
253
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,180
And the one about pulling
the scam on the mob guy?
254
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,180
That's The Sting.
255
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,180
Oh, not every story.
256
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:01,680
You're exaggerating.
257
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,690
Joe, an old
army buddy and I
258
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,190
started with this
single shrimp boat.
259
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,190
We built up
a big company.
260
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:11,190
Forrest Gump.
261
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:13,200
Oh, hey, Antonio,
I want you to meet
262
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,700
someone very special.
263
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:17,200
This is our grandfather,
Jack Hackett. Antonio.
264
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,200
It's an honor,
to meet you, sir.
265
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,200
The pleasure
is all mine.
266
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,700
Why, you broke your sniffer,
huh?
267
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,710
I got mine busted once
in the ring.
268
00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:24,210
Oh, man, you were
a boxer, too?
269
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:26,710
I spent a few years
in the fight game.
270
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,210
I was going
to hang up the gloves,
271
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:32,210
then this big Russian
killed a friend of mine.
272
00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:34,220
Why, I-I had to show him
who's boss.
273
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:37,220
( coughs ):
Rocky IV.
274
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,720
So, how did you break
your honker?
275
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,220
Ah, well, I...
276
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:43,730
I had a little run-in
with a squirrel.
277
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:47,730
Squirrel that killed my brother.
278
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,240
Hey, Grandpa,
want to see me
fly the plane now?
279
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,740
No, wait a minute.
Grandpa's going to teach
me how to play pinochle.
280
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:57,740
No, no, no, no.
He's coming with me flying.
I asked him first.
281
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,740
No, he's coming
with me.
No, he's
coming with me!
282
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,740
Boys, please.
283
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,250
How about this--
284
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:05,250
first I take the flight
with Brian,
285
00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:08,750
and then after we come back,
why, Joey and I will play cards.
286
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:09,750
How about that?
287
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:10,750
All right.
288
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,760
Come on, Grandpa.
289
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,760
Let's get away
from him.
290
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,760
Hey, um, Joe...
291
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,760
I need to talk to
you for a minute.
292
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,760
What's up?
293
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:21,260
Well, it's about
your grandpa.
294
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:22,770
Oh, Grandpa...
295
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:24,770
you know, I love
the sound of that.
296
00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:26,270
And he is such a cool guy.
297
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:27,270
He has been everywhere.
298
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,770
He's seen everything.
299
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:31,270
Yeah, I think he's seen
everything twice.
300
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:33,280
It's so great to know
that I have family.
301
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,280
You know,
what with Mom running off,
302
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,780
Dad being
in the nuthouse.
303
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,780
I can't tell you what it means
to have him here.
304
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:41,280
So what were you
going to tell me?
305
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,790
Oh, just that I'm happy
for you.
306
00:11:42,790 --> 00:11:44,290
Oh, thanks, honey.
307
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:45,790
Well, listen,
when Grandpa gets home tonight,
308
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:48,290
get him to tell you
about the time he was in Spain,
309
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:49,790
and he ran with the bulls.
310
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,790
Can you believe it?
My grandpa ran with the bulls.
311
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:54,800
Oh, the bull's sure running
all right.
312
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,810
What are you doing?
313
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:04,810
Oh, I'm looking
for an old picture
314
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,310
of Joe, Brian
and Grandpa
315
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,310
so I can frame it
316
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,810
and give it to Joe
for a present.
317
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,310
Oh, okay.
318
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:11,810
Oh, look, Grandpa Hackett
319
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,820
with Joe and Brian,
aged two and four.
320
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,320
Wow.
321
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,820
Grandpa sure
has changed.
322
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,320
I swear, he is
a lot taller now
than he was then.
323
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,830
Oh, you know what?
Maybe he wears lifts.
324
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,330
My ex-husband Stuart did.
325
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:26,830
He's bald in
this picture.
326
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,330
He has a full
head of hair now.
327
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,330
Maybe he wears a toupee.
328
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:31,830
Stuart did.
329
00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:33,340
I could swear his nose
330
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:35,840
is a lot bigger
in this picture.
331
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,340
Oh, he probably
had a nose job.
332
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,340
Stuart had one.
333
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,850
You know, I just had
a very weird thought.
334
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:43,850
So did I.
335
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:47,350
Why the hell
did I marry Stuart?
336
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,850
What if Grandpa is
not really Grandpa?
337
00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:53,360
What?! Oh, come on!
That's crazy.
338
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,360
I mean, why would anyone pretend
to be their grandfather?
339
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:56,860
I don't know.
340
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:57,860
Money.
341
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,860
Oh, yeah.
That's probably it.
342
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:01,860
I'm sure he's after
the great Hackett fortune.
343
00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:06,370
No doubt he got wind of Joe's
Indian head nickel collection.
344
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,370
All right, I don't know
why someone would do this,
345
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,870
but in this picture,
Grandpa has tattoos
on both his arms,
346
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,880
so if this guy's
the real Grandpa
347
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:13,880
then he'll have them, too.
348
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:15,380
Yeah, but how
do we find out?
349
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,880
Simple. We just get him
to take off his shirt.
350
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,380
Well, how are we
going to do that?
351
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:22,380
I know.
352
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:25,390
We will get him
a gift certificate
at a tanning salon,
353
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:27,890
and while he's
laying there
354
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,390
with those little
cups on his eyes,
355
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:31,390
we'll pay off
the attendant
356
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:33,900
sneak in there and
peek at his arms.
357
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:38,400
( imitates Ricky Ricardo ):
Gee, Lucy, you think
we can pull it off?
358
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:43,910
Do you have a better idea
359
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,910
of how to get
his shirt off?
360
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:48,410
There are my girls!
361
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,910
I just came down to thank you
for a wonderful dinner
362
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:52,420
and say good night.
363
00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:53,420
Well, good night.
364
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:55,420
Oh, no, no, no!
Wait, Grandpa!
What?
365
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:56,420
Um...
366
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,920
Casey and I were just talking
367
00:13:58,920 --> 00:13:59,920
and...
368
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:03,430
It's laundry night.
369
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:04,930
Yeah! It's laundry night!
370
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:07,930
You girls are pretty easily
excited, aren't you?
371
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,930
Well, I got a big pile
up in my bedroom.
372
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,430
I'll be right down with it.
373
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:12,430
No, no, wait!
What?
374
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:14,440
Because actually it's just...
375
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,940
shirt night.
376
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:16,940
Oh, just shirts.
377
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,440
Well, I'll go get
a couple of them.
378
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,440
Oh, no, wait, Grandpa.
379
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,440
It's just...
380
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,950
plaid shirt night.
381
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,950
Okay, come on.
Let's have it.
382
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,450
What, this shirt? I just put
this thing on this morning.
383
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:31,450
It's fresh as a daisy.
384
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:33,460
Well, good night.
385
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,960
Uh, Grandpa?
What?
386
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,960
Um...
387
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:42,460
In case you get thirsty
during the night,
388
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,970
Casey, why don't you get him
some grape juice.
389
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:46,470
GRANDPA:
Oh.
Grape juice?
390
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:47,970
Yeah, grape juice.
391
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:48,970
Good!
392
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,970
Oh, yeah.
393
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:52,980
( as Ricky ):
Grape juice.
394
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:53,980
That's a good one.
395
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,980
Here you go.
396
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,480
( yells )
397
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,990
Oh, my.
398
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,490
That is a big mess.
399
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:07,990
Well, it's too bad
this is just plaid shirt night.
400
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:08,990
Good night, girls.
401
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,490
Uh, Grandpa...
402
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:11,490
Huh?
403
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:14,000
Do you have any tattoos?
404
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,500
Tattoos?
405
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,000
I hate tattoos.
406
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,000
Never had one,
wouldn't have one.
407
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,500
Well, good night.
408
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,010
Good night.
409
00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:24,510
Yeah, good night...
410
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:26,510
whoever you are.
411
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,020
(gasps)
412
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,520
I know what
you're thinking,
413
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,530
but it's nothing to do with the
stupid chain letter, okay?
414
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,530
It's all perfectly normal.
415
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:51,030
A pack of wild dogs
was chasing me.
416
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,540
I ran under a ladder
417
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:57,540
when a man happened
to be painting a sign.
418
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,040
Antonio, are you
missing an eyebrow?
419
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,550
Pilot light, oven,
small flare-up.
420
00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:06,050
Could happen to anyone.
421
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,550
Hey, did Grandpa
come back yet?
422
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:11,550
Not yet.
423
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:13,560
Listen, I've been
thinking about this.
424
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,560
Since Grandpa's decided
to stay on the island,
Yes.
425
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,560
he can come live with me and
Helen while we finish our house.
426
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,560
Oh, no, oh, no, because
when you move out,
427
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,570
then there'll be plenty of room
for him to live with me.
428
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:24,570
Yeah, but I want him with me.
429
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,070
So do I.
430
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:27,570
You're not going to
take him away from me.
431
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:32,070
Don't make me
take you to court.
432
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,580
Oh, please. I'm married.
433
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,080
I have a stable home.
434
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,580
There is not a judge
in this country
435
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,080
that will give
Grandpa to you.
436
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,580
Joe, Brian, I need
to talk to you.
437
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:42,580
Oh, hey, Helen,
great news.
438
00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:44,590
Grandpa's decided to
stay on the island.
439
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,090
Yeah, and Helen,
I was thinking he could
come and live with us.
440
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,590
Oh, I don't think so.
441
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,590
Come on, Helen.
He's family.
442
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:53,100
Oh, I don't think so.
443
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,100
Listen, I have
stayed up all night
444
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,600
trying to think of a way
to tell you guys this.
445
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,100
Tell us what?
446
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,100
He's not your grandfather.
447
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:04,110
What are you
talking about?
448
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,610
Hi, everybody!
449
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,110
Hey, Grandpa.
Hi, Grandpa.
450
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:10,110
Hi... there.
451
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:12,110
What, what shall we do
with the rest of the day?
452
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:14,120
Maybe go fishing.
Play a little pool,
how about that?
453
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,120
I got a game we can
play-- 20 questions.
454
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,120
I'll go first.
Who are you?
455
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,120
Okay...
Will you stop it.
456
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,620
Joe, I can't let this
go on any longer.
457
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:23,130
I found a picture
of your real grandfather,
458
00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,630
and he ain't this guy.
459
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:26,630
Grandpa, I want to
apologize for Helen.
460
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:27,630
No, you don't have to.
461
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,130
No, I want to...
462
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,630
She's right.
463
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,140
No, she's not.
464
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,640
Yes, she is.
465
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,140
I'm not your grandfather.
466
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,640
I just pretended to be.
467
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,140
What... what, are you
out of your mind?
468
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:45,150
Well, yeah. That's
about the size of it.
469
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,650
All righty-dighty,
time to go now.
470
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,170
Hi, boys.
I'm getting out
of your way now.
471
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,670
Just a second.
You're not going anywhere
472
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,170
without an explanation.
473
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,170
What in the world
were you thinking?
474
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,170
Why did you pick us?
475
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:13,680
How do you even
know about us?
476
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,680
Yeah, what were you
after? Wait a minute.
477
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,680
Where's my
Indian head
nickel collection?
478
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,180
Hey, relax.
479
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:21,680
I'm only taking
what I brought
480
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,190
except for the masks.
They belong to you.
481
00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:24,690
Well, you're not
going anywhere
482
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:26,190
until you tell us
who you are
483
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:28,190
and why you
pretended to be
Jack Hackett.
484
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,190
Oh, well, okay.
485
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,200
( sighs )
486
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,700
My name is Leonard Stanwyck.
487
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:39,200
Aha. So, that's
what you were after--
488
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,200
a better name.
489
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,700
No, no.
490
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,710
I knew your dad.
491
00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:46,210
How did you know our dad?
492
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:49,210
He and I were roomies
in the loony bin.
493
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,210
He used to brag
about you guys all the time.
494
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,720
It got to the point where
495
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:56,220
I-I knew the Hacketts so well,
I felt like you were my family.
496
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:59,220
And since I don't have a family,
why, when they let me out,
497
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,720
I just thought
I'd come see you guys.
498
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,220
Wait a second. Back up.
499
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,230
They let you out?
500
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,730
Believe it or not,
I'm much better now.
501
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:11,230
So, all those stories
you told us about your life
502
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:12,740
weren't true?
503
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:13,740
Afraid not.
504
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:16,240
Not even the one about
the great white whale?
505
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,740
The only thing I told
you that was true
506
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,740
was that your
father loved you
507
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:23,250
more than anything
else in the world.
508
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:25,750
When he was lucid,
he used to go on and on
509
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:29,250
about what great guys
Brian and Joey were.
510
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,750
And these last couple of days,
511
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:34,260
I found out exactly
how right he was.
512
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,760
Well...
513
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,260
that's nice
to hear you say and all,
514
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:41,760
but... you deceived us, Leonard,
515
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,270
and we loved you like you
were our real grandfather.
516
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,770
I know I was wrong
517
00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:48,270
and I'm sorry
if I hurt you guys,
518
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,770
but for once in my life,
519
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:52,270
I just wanted
to be part of a family.
520
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:55,280
And for a couple of pretty
great days there, I was.
521
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:56,780
Well, I'll be going now.
522
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,280
Wait a minute.
523
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,280
Did our dad really
talk about us a lot?
524
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,790
All the time.
525
00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:06,290
You and that colony
of little people
526
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,290
that are living
in the core of the earth.
527
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,790
I'll be going now.
528
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:12,800
Hey, hey, wait. Where
are you going to go?
529
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,300
Well, I think I'll do
a little traveling--
530
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,800
maybe see some of those
places I talked about.
531
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,800
Well, um...
532
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,800
all right.
Good luck to you.
533
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,300
We'll...
we'll miss you.
534
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,810
Yeah.
535
00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:27,810
Even though you're
psychotic and delusional,
536
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,810
you're the closest thing
to a grandpa we've ever had.
537
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:32,310
You really mean that?
538
00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:34,320
Love you.
539
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,320
Yeah...
540
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,820
Oh, yeah.
I got to go now.
541
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,320
I got to catch the
ferry to Boston.
542
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:42,320
Ferry? Nothing doing,
I'll fly you.
543
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,330
No, no, no,
I will fly him.
544
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:44,830
No, I will fly him.
545
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:45,830
I will fly him.
I will fly...
546
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:48,330
Boys, boys, we can
all fly together.
547
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,830
Let's don't fight.
548
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:52,330
Sorry.
Sorry.
37755
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