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1
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:09,090
Okay, here you go--
cheese and mushroom omelet.
2
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:12,600
ANTONIO:
Uh, I'm
3
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:13,600
going to be sick.
4
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,100
Okay, so it's
a little runny.
5
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,100
No, no, no, no.
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,100
Look, it's that creep
7
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,600
Lewis Blanchard.
(gasps)
8
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:23,110
Holiday greetings,
island people!
9
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:32,120
Well, it must be Christmas,
'cause I am looking at an angel.
10
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,120
I am married now, Lewis.
11
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,620
Back!
12
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:38,120
Ooh, that's some rock.
13
00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:40,620
Oh, the glare.
14
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:45,630
Lewis. Lewis, what are you
doing here during the holidays?
15
00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:47,130
Shouldn't you be
at your electronics store
16
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,630
tripling the price on the VCR?
17
00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:53,640
Actually, I'm here to visit
my dear old Uncle Carlton.
18
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,640
Bring him
a little holiday cheer.
19
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,640
After all, I'm his only heir.
20
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,640
How is Carlton feeling
these days?
21
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,640
Well, not too good.
22
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,150
The doctor says
the slightest physical exertion
23
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:05,650
could do him in.
24
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:09,150
That's why I got him a very
special present this year.
25
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:14,660
Hey!
26
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:17,160
I ordered the big one!
27
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:27,670
Hey, honey.
28
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:28,670
Hey.
29
00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:29,670
Guess what?
30
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:30,670
What?
31
00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,680
Rick Harper went
skiing in Vermont.
32
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,180
Broke his leg.
33
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:35,680
Mmm...
34
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,180
broke it in three places.
35
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:43,690
Wow, it doesn't take much
to get you going.
36
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:46,190
The condo he rented
on the slopes is empty.
37
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:49,190
He offered it
to us for free.
38
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:52,200
Oh, baby, when can we leave?
39
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,700
Tonight, right after
my last flight.
40
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:56,200
Tonight? No, tonight's
the Christmas party.
41
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,700
Oh, come on, we don't want
to go to that thing.
42
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,200
And this is the perfect
excuse to get out of it.
43
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,210
Get out of it?
We're throwing it.
44
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,210
No, no, no, come on,
Helen, let's face it.
45
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:07,710
Christmases around here--
they're... they're....
46
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,210
they're... they're....
they're... they're freaky.
47
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:11,720
That's because
I've never been in charge.
48
00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:14,220
This is going to be
an old-fashioned party,
49
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,720
just like the ones
my parents used to throw.
50
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,720
Don't you remember?
It was a Chappel tradition.
51
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,720
Everyone called us
the Christmas house,
52
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:21,220
and now that we're married
53
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:23,230
I want to be called
the Christmas house.
54
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,730
Yeah, but Helen, a
friend of ours had a
major skiing accident.
55
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:28,230
How could we not take
advantage of that?
56
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:30,230
Okay, let's compromise.
57
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:32,740
Okay, look, this is what we'll
do-- we'll have the party
58
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:35,240
but the minute it's over--
pff-- we head up to Vermont.
59
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,240
Okay, but promise me you'll help
me make this a special night.
60
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,240
Oh, Helen, of
course, I will.
61
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,750
It might be kind of fun
hanging out with our friends.
62
00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:43,250
Hey, uh, listen, I can't make it
63
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,250
to your Christmas
party tonight.
64
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,250
All right. One down.
65
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,750
No, Roy, you have to come.
66
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,250
Ah, Fay's on a cruise,
and now you.
67
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:52,760
This is terrible.
68
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,760
Believe me, I
wish I could come,
69
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,260
but once again, I'm
going to be stuck
70
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,260
spending Christmas Eve
with Mom at the home
71
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:01,260
watching her
gum a turkey leg
72
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:04,270
and debating who's
got cuter buns--
73
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,770
Buddy Ebsen or
Art Linkletter.
74
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:10,270
Hey, Budd--
75
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:11,780
coming to my
Christmas party?
76
00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:12,780
Oh...
77
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,280
you don't want me at your party.
78
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,780
Of course, I do.
79
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,780
No, no.
(clears throat)
80
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:21,780
You don't want me at your party.
81
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:23,290
I-I-I don't do well at parties.
82
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,790
I always say or do
the wrong thing.
83
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:26,790
Oh, you're coming to my party,
84
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,290
and I won't take no
for an answer.
85
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,290
Well, okay, if you insist.
86
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:31,800
Okay. Great.
87
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:34,300
Oh, uh, by the way,
is this a solo invite
88
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:36,800
or can I bring a pet?
89
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,310
Uh, actually,
it's just for humans, Budd.
90
00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:45,810
Well, that sounds like a blast.
91
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:50,310
Hey, uh, Casey, can I
talk to you for a second?
92
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:51,810
Sure. What is it?
93
00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:54,820
Um... well, I wanted
to tell you this. Uh...
94
00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:57,320
I am going
to be bringing a date
95
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,820
to Joe and Helen's party.
96
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,320
That's it?
97
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,830
Well, yeah. I mean...
98
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:03,830
You know, considering whatever
it was that we had
99
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:05,330
I didn't want to make
you to feel awkward.
100
00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:07,330
Oh, awkward. Please.
101
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,830
I mean, I'm bringing
a date myself.
102
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,330
Really?
Well, okay.
103
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:11,840
Well, I can't wait
to meet him.
104
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:12,840
Can't wait
to meet her.
105
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,840
(chuckling)
(chuckling)
106
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,340
Casey, you got a date
to the Christmas party?
107
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:20,340
Who's the lucky guy?
108
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,850
Oh, whoever I can dig up
in the next eight hours.
109
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:26,350
Hi, Mom.
110
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,850
It's me.
111
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:30,850
Yeah, I'm just calling to say
I'll be there around 4:00.
112
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:33,360
What do you mean,
you and the girls
113
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,860
are going to a hockey game?
114
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:37,860
But it's Christmas Eve.
115
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,860
We always spend it toge...
(gasps)
116
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:43,370
But Mommy, what
am I supposed to do?
117
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:51,870
Cider is mulling.
118
00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,880
Goose is cooking.
119
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,380
Yams are yamming...
120
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,880
and Joe is leaving.
121
00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,380
Hey, where you going?
122
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:01,380
Nowhere. Just getting
our stuff ready
123
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:04,390
so we can shoot right out
of here the minute this
party starts going south.
124
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:07,390
If this party goes south,
we ain't going north.
125
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,890
All right.
Okay.
126
00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:10,890
Hey, what do you have
your jacket on for?
127
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,400
I can't see
your Christmas sweater.
128
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,400
There.
129
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:24,910
Helen? Helen, please,
don't make me wear this.
130
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:27,910
Come on, Joe.
My mother made it
especially for you.
131
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,910
My dad always wears
a Christmas sweater.
132
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,410
But Helen, I jingle.
133
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,420
Men shouldn't jingle.
134
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,920
My dad was in two wars,
and he jingles.
135
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,420
Yeah, but once you're
in a white belt
and white shoes
136
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,420
jingling is the least
of your problems.
137
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:46,430
Oh! Roy!
138
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,930
How long you been sitting there?
139
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,930
Oh, I don't know.
140
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:52,440
An hour, maybe two.
141
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,940
You know what Mommy and I'd
be doing right now?
142
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:56,440
"Mommy"?
143
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,440
We'd be watching The Andy
Williams Christmas Special
144
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,440
and I'd be yelling at her,
"It's television!
145
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,450
That's why
he's not answering you!"
146
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,950
That... that's
a wonderful memory.
147
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,950
I'm alone out here with Roy!
148
00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:11,450
(doorbell chiming)
149
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:14,460
(jingling)
150
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,460
Oh, thank you.
151
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:16,460
Hey, Antonio.
152
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,460
7:30 on the dot--
153
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:19,960
that's the kind
of guest we like.
154
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:20,960
Merry Christmas.
155
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,470
Hey, snappy sweater, Joe.
156
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:27,470
(jingling)
157
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,970
You really don't want
to be doing that.
158
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:32,980
Well, uh, Joe, Helen, um...
159
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,480
this holiday season
160
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,480
instead of focusing
on what I don't have...
Oh!
161
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,480
...I'm focusing on
what I do have--
162
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,480
wonderful friends.
163
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,990
Hey, this is great.
164
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:45,490
Oh, Antonio, what
a beautiful music box.
165
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:46,490
Uh-huh.
166
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:49,490
Well, I had it
specially made in Sorrento.
167
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:50,990
When you open it, it plays
168
00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:53,500
the first song
you danced to at your wedding.
169
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:57,000
("Isn't It Romantic?" plays)
170
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,000
Oh, Antonio, I feel bad.
171
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,500
I didn't get you anything.
172
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:08,510
Really?
173
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:10,010
Well, that's okay,
174
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:14,020
because that's not what
Christmas is about.
175
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:17,520
The best gift I could hope for
is... is your friendship.
176
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,020
Oh, hey, buddy,
thanks a lot.
177
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:22,530
That really means a lot
to us, and, uh, don't feel
178
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,030
that you have to hang
around all night.
179
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:26,530
You got someplace else
to go, you just take off.
180
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,030
Hey, Merry Christmas,
everyone.
181
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:30,030
HELEN:
Hey!
182
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,030
Ho-ho... ha!
183
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,040
What are you...?
What are you wearing?
184
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,040
It's Joe's
Christmas sweater.
Isn't it adorable?
185
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,040
Eh...
186
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,540
(jingling)
187
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:41,540
Hey!
188
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,550
Hey, Joey, you jingle.
189
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,550
You really don't want
to be doing that.
190
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,550
(doorbell chiming)
191
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,060
Hey, Erica! Hey!
192
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,560
Oh... Casey,
I'd like you
to meet Erica...
193
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,570
Aren't you gonna
introduce me to
your date...?
194
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:04,570
(laughing nervously)
195
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:07,070
Hello...
Hello... oh.
196
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,070
(laughing nervously)
197
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,570
Ah...
198
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,080
(clears throat)
199
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,080
(splutters)
200
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,080
(laughing nervously)
201
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:21,080
(doorbell chiming)
202
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,590
All right!
Another guest.
203
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:24,090
This party's taking off.
204
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:27,590
Merry X-mas,
island people!
205
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,590
Lewis...
206
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,600
who invited Lewis?
207
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,100
Oh, good...
208
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,600
my date is here.
209
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,610
Lewis Blanchard?
What were you thinking?
210
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,620
Look, I only had two
criteria for my date--
211
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:54,620
that he walk erect
and that he be male.
212
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:58,120
When I couldn't find
anyone like that,
I brought Lewis.
213
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,120
I know Brian has
a date out there,
214
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,630
but that's no reason
to sink this low.
215
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:05,130
Oh, I don't want to
show up without a date.
That would look pathetic.
216
00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:06,130
Oh, as opposed to now
217
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,630
being the envy of
every girl at the party?
218
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:11,630
Oh, come on.
Lewis isn't that bad.
219
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,140
Have you got
a Water Pik?
220
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:18,140
'Cause I got a hunk of
something in my teeth
221
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,140
that floss won't budge.
222
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:25,650
So, there you go.
223
00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:27,150
You having a nice time?
224
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,650
Oh, I'm having
a great time.
225
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:31,150
I am just so happy
to be here.
226
00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:34,160
You know, um, all those
times that you pulled up
227
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,660
to my drive-in window
at the bank?
228
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:40,160
I was secretly hoping
that you would ask me out.
229
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,660
Hey!
230
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:43,170
Isn't that funny?
231
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,670
This is the first time
that we've actually
spoken to each other
232
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:48,170
without that thick piece
of glass between us.
233
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,670
Isn't it great
234
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,670
finally being
face-to-face?
235
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,180
(holding breath):
God, it's wonderful.
236
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:58,180
RADIO ANNOUNCER: And now,
an update on that storm.
237
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,680
Storm? What storm?
238
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,190
If it continues across New
England at its current rate,
239
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:05,190
all area airports will
close within two hours.
240
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,190
(broadcast stops)
241
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,190
Damn.
242
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:33,720
Joe, what are you doing
with my goose?
243
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,720
Look, Helen, there is a big
storm heading into New England.
244
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,720
We got to
speed things up here.
245
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,220
All right, let me see...
246
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:42,730
"Fish, potatoes, popcorn."
Where's "goose"?
247
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:45,730
There is no "goose."
You don't nuke goose.
248
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:46,730
You have to cook it slowly.
249
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,230
Oh, come on, Helen.
250
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,730
Every good chef knows
you cook goose fast.
251
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:54,240
You seal in the juices,
people eat it and get
on with their lives.
252
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,740
Joe...
253
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,740
don't you do it.
254
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,240
Step away from the bird.
255
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:05,750
( window shatters )
256
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,260
I say we go with the ham.
257
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:23,270
Uh...
Merry Christmas, Roy.
258
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,770
I got you
a little something there.
259
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,270
Wow!
260
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,270
( gasps )
261
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,770
Genuine Cuban cigars!
262
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:32,280
Scarpacci,
how did you
263
00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:34,280
get your hands
on these babies?
264
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,780
Ah, it was no big deal.
265
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:38,280
I just waited in a dinghy
in international waters.
266
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,780
And then about 3:00 a.m.,
I sent up a flare.
267
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,790
and an unmarked fishing boat
delivered them to me
268
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,790
in a bucket of squid.
269
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:48,290
Scarpacci, I... I...
I don't know what to say.
270
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,790
This is...
this is very generous.
271
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:52,300
Well...
272
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:53,800
I'm really sorry
273
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,300
I didn't get anything
for you, buddy.
274
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:57,800
Unbelievable.
275
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,800
But, uh, hey,
it's no problem.
276
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,310
Because that's not
what Christmas is about.
277
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:05,310
Christmas is about giving.
278
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:08,310
Apparently, I'm the only one
who got the memo.
279
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:11,810
(screaming)
280
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:12,820
What's going on?
CASEY:
Oh!
281
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:14,820
There's a big
scary-looking person
282
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:15,820
lurking in the bushes.
283
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,820
Mom?
284
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,320
Budd?
285
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,320
Budd, what are you doing
skulking around out there?
286
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,830
Uh, working up the nerve
to come in, sir.
287
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:26,330
Oh, don't be nervous.
Come on in.
288
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:27,830
You're amongst friends.
289
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,330
Just enjoy yourself.
290
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:30,830
Okay.
291
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:31,830
I will.
292
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,340
Hi.
293
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,340
I'm Budd Bronski.
294
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,840
Great party,
don't you think?
295
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,350
(yelling):
Hi!
296
00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:46,850
Boy, I don't want
to be around when you blow.
297
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,350
(group singing nearby)
298
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,850
Oh, carolers, everybody!
299
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,860
Silent night
300
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,360
Holy night
301
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,860
Holy cow!
302
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,870
All is calm
303
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,370
All is bright
304
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,870
(singing faster):
Round yon virgin
mother and child
305
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:10,870
Holy infant
so tender and mild
306
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:11,870
Sleep in...
307
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:13,380
Merry Christmas.
Thank you very much.
308
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:17,380
Um, Joe, could I see you
in the kitchen, please?
309
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,380
Honey, you're
busting my bells.
310
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:25,390
Boy, you look like you could
use some cheering up.
311
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:28,390
I can't believe
my mom still hasn't called.
312
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,390
Maybe she's dead. Ha!
313
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,400
You know, red...
314
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,400
I'm starting to get
into the holiday spirit.
315
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,910
What do you say
we go upstairs
316
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,410
and introduce
Donner to Blitzen?
317
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:52,410
Look, let me put this in words
you can understand--
318
00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:54,420
(makes retching sound)
319
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:58,420
Oh! Foreplay!
320
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,930
Oh, I love Christmas.
321
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:07,430
It's such a happy time.
322
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,930
Ho! Ho! Ho!
323
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,940
Great party, huh?
324
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:21,440
It's wonderful.
325
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,950
Whoa! Man!
326
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:25,450
You could take
the paint off a barge
327
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,450
with that breath.
328
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,450
Whoo!
329
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,950
(sniffing)
330
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,460
Brian, did you hear
what he just said to me?
331
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,460
Well, aren't you going
to do anything?
332
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,960
Aren't you?
That's it!
333
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:40,960
I am leaving!
334
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:41,960
(exhaling loudly)
335
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,970
Erica, wait!
336
00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:46,970
Okay, Lewis,
party's over.
337
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,470
You can go now.
338
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,970
Hey!
339
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:50,970
I'm not
a plaything!
340
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:53,480
I've got feelings!
341
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,980
Sleep with me.
342
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:56,480
I'm out of here!
343
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,480
Antonio, a camcorder
is a great gift,
344
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,480
but I didn't know we
were exchanging presents.
345
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,990
What the hell do you
think Christmas is about?
346
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:06,990
You give, you get.
347
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,990
I kill myself to find the
perfect gifts for all of you.
348
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:12,500
What do I get? Bupkes!
Give me something--
349
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:13,500
a keychain, a quarter...
350
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,500
Get out of here.
What are you doing?!
351
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,500
I'm getting out of here.
Where's my coat?
352
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,500
Wait, no, Antonio.
353
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,500
You can't go!
354
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,500
I'm getting out
of here, too.
355
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,000
No, Roy, we haven't
eaten yet. Please.
356
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,010
Look, I'm sorry.
Mom's probably
home by now.
357
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:27,510
This is the time she
usually gets thrown out for
tossing her teeth on the ice.
358
00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:30,010
Lewis, get away from me!
359
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,510
Didn't you
get the hint?
360
00:15:31,510 --> 00:15:35,020
No, really,
mace has no effect on me.
361
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,520
Where... where is
everybody going? Please!
362
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,020
I'm sorry, Helen, but--
363
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,020
Whoa!
364
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,020
God!
365
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:47,030
Joe, everybody's leaving.
366
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,530
Please, do something.
367
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,530
Okay, I'll go
load up the car.
368
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:51,530
Hold it!
369
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:54,540
Right there.
370
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,040
Back.
371
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,040
Back!
372
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,040
This is the Christmas house.
373
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,050
Nobody leaves
the Christmas house
374
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,550
until I say.
375
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:06,550
Okay.
376
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,050
There's fun to be had.
377
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,550
Come on, everybody.
378
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:12,550
Let's gather around the tree.
379
00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:14,060
Now!
380
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,560
Joe, I want you
to read us all a story.
381
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,060
Look...
Read it!
382
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,060
"It was a cold night
in Bethlehem.
383
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:25,570
Having heard the tale,
of the blessed birth the
three wise men said..."
384
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:27,070
My wallet's missing!
385
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,070
What?
386
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,070
It was in my coat upstairs
in the bedroom.
387
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:31,070
Now it is gone.
388
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:32,070
Oh, mine's gone, too.
389
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,080
All my money is missing.
390
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,580
Ohh!
391
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,080
Well, don't look
at me, springtime.
392
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,080
I've been
ripped off, too.
393
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:54,100
Oh, my God, Helen,
somebody stole our
travelers' checks, too.
394
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,100
Well, we've all been
ripped off!
395
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,600
Who could have done it?
396
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,600
It's got to be
somebody here.
397
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,600
Look, it's not easy
for me to say this, but
398
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,610
I think you all
have the right to know.
399
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:06,110
He did it!
400
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:08,610
What the hell are
you talking about,
401
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:11,110
you little homunculus?
402
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:15,120
Ouch! That hurt worse
than a big-screen return.
403
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,620
But that
doesn't change
404
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:21,120
the fact that you've been in
a big hurry to leave all night.
405
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:24,130
And I saw you
go into the bedroom
406
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,130
and close the door.
407
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:27,630
Explain that.
408
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,630
Well, uh...
409
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:32,130
I... I did go into the bedroom,
but, um...
410
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:36,140
(high-pitched voice):
Hello, police?
411
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,640
Yes, uh, there is
a very loud party
412
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,140
going on at 627 Cherry Street.
413
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,650
Could you please get over there
right away and break it up?
414
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,650
I'm trying to sleep.
415
00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:47,150
Thank you.
416
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,650
Oh, and, uh, by the way, uh...
417
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:53,160
are they requiring snow chains
on Route I-89?
418
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,660
You called the cops
on our Christmas party?
419
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:03,170
What a lowlife creep.
420
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:05,670
Have you ever thought
of going into sales?
421
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:08,170
All right, look,
I was in the bedroom
422
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,170
but I was not the only one
in there tonight... Roy?
423
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,180
All right, all right, I...
424
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:16,680
I went into the bedroom,
but I had a good reason.
425
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:20,180
Would you please page
Mrs. Eleanor Bluto Biggins?
426
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:23,190
I know there is
a hockey game going on.
427
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:25,190
Of course, it's an emergency!
428
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:26,690
But, but...
429
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:30,190
(sobbing): Just tell her
little boy needs her.
430
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:33,700
Oh, how horrible-- to be
away from your mother
on the holidays.
431
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:34,700
(gagging):
Ho-ho.
432
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,700
(coughing)
433
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,700
Whoa! That's powerful.
434
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,200
You know, come
to think of it
435
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:44,210
as I was leaving
that bedroom
436
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,710
somebody else walked in.
437
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:47,710
It's good that we're
seeing other people.
438
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,210
Yeah, and we can
still be friends
439
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,710
even though we're
no longer involved.
440
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:51,210
Yeah, this is stuck.
441
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,720
Rip it off!
Oh!
442
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:56,720
Erica, I'm really sorry.
443
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,720
How could you do this?
444
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,220
Okay. Now we're even.
445
00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:07,730
Well, I think it's obvious
who the real thief is:
446
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:08,730
Lewis.
447
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:12,230
Okay, okay, I admit it,
I was in the bedroom,
448
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:15,240
but it was all
perfectly innocent.
449
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,240
Oh, it's good that we're
seeing other people.
450
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,740
Yeah, and we can
still be friends
451
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,240
even though we're
no longer involved.
452
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:20,740
Yeah, this is stuck.
453
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,240
Rip it off!
Oh!
454
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:37,260
Oh, I feel so dirty.
455
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,760
You feel dirty?
456
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,760
When was the last time you
people cleaned out your closet?
457
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:44,770
Wait a minute.
458
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:47,270
I know who did this.
459
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,770
I heard you
in that room.
460
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,270
What were you
doing in there?
461
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:55,780
You are a likeable guy.
462
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:59,780
You are a handsome man.
463
00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:02,280
You are the life of the party.
464
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,290
(knock at door)
465
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:04,290
ROY:
Budd?
466
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:06,790
(yelling):
Hi! Hi! Hi!
467
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,790
Hi!
468
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:10,790
All right, hold it.
This is crazy.
469
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:14,300
We can't just sit around
all night accusing our friends.
470
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:16,300
Antonio...
471
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,800
you're quiet.
472
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,300
Real quiet.
473
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:24,310
I've been sitting here mentally
composing my thank-you notes.
474
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,310
All right.
475
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,310
Okay, look, we all
know that you're angry
476
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,810
because you didn't get
any presents
477
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,810
and if you did this,
we'll all understand, won't we?
478
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:32,810
ROY:
Get him!
479
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:33,820
Come on, let's...
480
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:35,320
(clamoring)
HELEN:
No!
481
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,320
Stop it.
482
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,320
Are you guys
out of your minds?
483
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,320
(doorbell rings)
484
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,320
Goodness!
485
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,830
(gasping):
Merry Christmas, Officer.
486
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:45,330
Sorry to bother you,
ma'am, but, uh,
487
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:47,830
we've, uh, recently had a
string of burglaries in the area
488
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:50,330
and I was wondering if
any of these belong to you.
489
00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:51,330
My money!
490
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,840
There it is.
It's my wallet!
491
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:55,340
You found our wallets!
Where were they?
492
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:56,340
Well, it was a scam.
493
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:58,340
Apparently, the criminals
dressed up as carolers.
494
00:20:58,840 --> 00:20:59,840
And while they're singing
495
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,840
one of them shimmies
up the side of the house
496
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,840
and breaks into
the bedroom.
497
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,850
(murmuring)
498
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:07,350
By the way, I've also had
a complaint about the noise,
499
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,850
so, uh, please, let's
keep it down, huh?
500
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:14,860
Well, thank you, Officer.
We will.
501
00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:15,860
Whoa!
502
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:22,860
Well...
503
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:24,370
I hope everybody's ashamed.
504
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:26,370
I mean, here it is, Christmas
505
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:29,870
and you're sitting around,
accusing each other of stealing.
506
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,870
That's not how
friends treat friends.
507
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,880
Helen's right.
508
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,880
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
509
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,880
Sorry.
That's better.
510
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,880
Let's start over.
511
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,380
Why don't y'all
sit down, relax
512
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:43,890
enjoy yourselves
513
00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:46,890
and I'm going to make sure that
you get the Christmas dinner
514
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,390
that you deserve.
515
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,390
I'm going to go get the goose.
35550
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