All language subtitles for Pushing.Daisies.S02E07.Robbing.Hood.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-KiNGS

Previously on Pushing Daisies:

Who the hell are you?

Dwight Dixon. I was a friend
of your father's 25 years ago.

- I'm actually trying to find him.
- I'm afraid we lost touch.

I haven't seen
or heard from the man in 20 years.

I'm here for something:
a common brass pocket watch.

Looked a lot like this one,
which is mine.

I don't recall a pocket watch.

Charlotte's father, my lover,
was vivian's fianc�.

- You're a home-wrecker too!
- Vivian can never know.

I'm not gonna say anything to vivian
about what you did.

- Don't come for me, fella. I fight dirty.
- Why'd you fake your death?

Are you and the Pie-Maker
in cahoots together?

I died. He brought me back to life.

- If you don't wanna tell me, just say so.
- What do you mean, I can't come?

There's a grave out there
that you supposed to be in.

People who are dead but not dead
come up against mobs...

...with pitchforks and torches.

VIVlAN:
I have a small confession...

...about Charles' pocket watch.
I do recall it.

We buried it with our niece,
"Lonely Tourist" Charlotte Charles.

There once was a Pie-Maker
who had a gift:

A touch that brought the dead to life.

The gift followed these rules:

Touch a dead thing once, alive.

Touch a dead thing twice,
dead again forever.

Keep a dead thing alive
for more than a minute...

...something else has to die.

At this very moment,
at the Longborough School for Boys...

...when it came to the currency
of popularity...

...young Ned was poor,
but not the poorest.

Eugene Mulchandani's thick accent...

...and unfortunate family history
of disproportionate jaw structure...

...made him both extremely difficult
to understand...

...and an easy mark for bullies.

Young Ned knew that playing
with Eugene meant losing his marbles...

...but he considered the sacrificed
aggies, steelies and shooters...

...an act of charity,
for aside from Ned...

...Eugene had only two
other companions:

Bilbo, his lethargic Indian python,
and Ackbar, a bunny.

Eugene was devastated
when he learned...

...that upon attempting
to eat Ackbar the Bunny...

...Bilbo the Snake choked,
killing them both.

Under the guise
of burying Eugene's pets...

...young Ned resolved to perform
another act of charity...

...for his language-mangling friend.

He knew that giving Eugene
his friends back...

...would require
two innocent creatures to die...

...and a lie about how he found them
both barely breathing...

...when he went to bury them.

But as long as the benefits
outweighed the costs...

...he also believed an act of charity
outweighed the consequences.

Twenty years, 16 weeks,
four days and nine hours later...

...the boy had grown
into the Pie-Maker...

...and the Pie-Maker was,
at this very moment...

...troubled.

- You're stress baking.
- I don't know what you're talking about.

You've been up since before the sun
and there's a traffic jam of pies.

You're worried.

"Worried" would imply an urge
toward action.

"Troubled" seems more apt.

About a man named Dwight...

...asking questions about your dad
and is dating my Aunt Vivian?

Oh, you're stress baking.

If he's dating your aunt,
he's going to see a picture.

If he doesn't have amnesia,
he's going to recognize you...

...if he hasn't already.
Why is he dating your aunt?

Not to suggest
that she's not perfectly lovely...

...but it does seem
more than coincidental.

Does vivian's boy toy
have something to do...

- ... with why you faked your death?
- No.

Maybe he's been after you all along.
Maybe he works for the IRS.

If anyone can figure out
whether you're dead, it's the taxman.

Maybe he thinks you are dead. He's one
of those paranormal investigators.

He's the old priest,
and the young priest is coming.

That would be a waste of religion,
because she's not dead.

- I find myself urged to action.
- Yeah, me too.

Public records.
We've gotta find out who Dwight is...

...and if he's after more
than just your aunt's companionship.

Counterintelligence via pie delivery:
like gossiping with a purpose.

My specialty.

- Pie time.
- Olive! What a surprise. And with a pie.

- The second-sweetest treat of my day.
- Something sweeter than a Pie Hole pie?

The first was a surprise visit
from a certain gentleman caller.

Oh, the lovely lady of the Hole,
and with a special delivery to heel.

No need to stand on my account.
Just here doing my duty.

No other reason I can speak of.

And what type of duty
are you in again?

Clergy? Tax services?

Dwight collects
and appraises antiques...

...which I learned right after he told me
he's dating my sister.

Lily's naturally suspicious
of new liaisons...

...but I felt compelled to come clean
about our relationship.

Sneaking around is for politicians
in bathroom stalls.

Not for a brisk and bucolic
autumn-cum-winter afternoon...

...on the park. Ladies.

OLIVE:
Bye.

Seems nice.

I don't trust him further than I can spit,
and I can spit.

Look at the way
he drapes himself all over her. Ugh!

Makes me wanna stick a fork
in my eye.

- I need a drink.
- You're holding one.

I need a stronger one. And a fork.

While Olive pondered one sister blinded
by love and the other by distrust...

...Emerson Cod pondered
the exorbitant amount of cash...

...he'd just been given.

I demand justice for the decedent...

...and I will not rest,
settle or adjourn until I have it!

Mind demanding it
in your inside voice?

I'm sorry. Years of litigation
have made me a loud talker.

What makes a lawyer so willing
to shell out his own green...

- ... over a client's death?
- I have a special practice.

Gustav was my one client,
and that client is now dead.

So why you still hanging on?
Looking for a few stray cash capillaries?

No. Gustav was more than a client.
He was a....

He was a cantankerous bombast
with a violent temper...

...and a lust for power and wealth.

In lawyer speak.
I was in love with him.

You talk to the police
about your friend?

The police station is run
by a bunch of monkeys.

You want the best,
you pay the premium.

Why ain't the family paying?

His wife was his family,
and she was the biggest leech of all.

Always after his will.

So she got to the will
through murder?

Well, I never trusted her.

I tried my best, as a lover-

I mean, as a lawyer and a friend,
to protect Gustav.

She ruined his life.
She's gonna ruin his legacy.

I smell a big old "but"
heading in my direction.

Gustav was robbed the night he died.

It happens
when you have a fortune like his.

- What kind of fortune we talking about?
- The kind built upon your tight balls.

The facts were these:

Gustav Hofer
had lived the American dream.

His mechanized yarn-baller
not only gave a generation...

...of frustrated grandmothers
the means to make unwanted gifts...

...at the age of 19,
it was the first of countless inventions...

...that made Gustav Hofer
his first of countless millions.

Before Gustav Hofer
could make one penny more...

...someone arranged
for his permanent retirement...

...and the lawyer who was in love
with him found his retired remains.

- He doesn't look like the richest man.
- They say he had the Midas touch.

You're a little bit like King Midas,
except substitute life for gold...

...and you don't have donkey ears.

Midas was a miser, like Scrooge,
but hungrier. I'm a philanthropist.

Just touch the sucker.

Hello. We'd like to ask
a few questions...

- ... but we only have a minute.
- I presume I'm dead.

Let's get to business.
First, the matter of my will.

- It's in your lawyer's-
- Not that will. A new will...

...and you're going to track it down
for me, roger?

- Roger. Now if-
- Kid, you talk too much.

The wilI is in my trophy room. Go to
the biggest trophy, center of the wall.

Turn it clockwise. Say it back to me.

- Who killed you?
- Who are you? Who is he?

Do you know who I am, Elmer?

You about to be the first man
to ever be murdered twice.

- You want justice-
- I don't want my hard-earned money...

...going where it doesn't belong.

Your generation has never understood
the value of a dollar-

Trophy room, biggest trophy,
turn clockwise.

Smartest one of the bunch.
I like your moxie, sassafras.

Find my will,
and make sure that no-good...

...gold-digging wife of mine
doesn't get one damn dime. Got it?

- Who killed you?
- The bellman did it.

The private investigator,
the Pie-Maker and Chuck...

...arrived at Gustav Hofer's mansion
to question his recent widow...

...and long-time porter
regarding the inventor's death.

All right, me and Dead Girl
are gonna go chat up the bellman.

You find that trophy room
and get ahold of that will.

I can do that. That said...

...what's your take
on Dwight dating Vivian?

How long before he looks
at a picture and says:

"There's that girl from The Pie Hole"?

When I see an out-of-context picture
of a nice-looking young girl, I don't say:

"There's that young girl who served me
cappuccino in that one restaurant. "

Oh, my gosh. This wallpaper
is vintage Osborne & Little.

You could buy an island
for what this must be worth.

Cool. I never even noticed.

Isn't that weird?
I'm, like, the worst widow ever.

Elise. You must be the Pls.

Yes. Thank you so much
for agreeing to help us.

- Is there a restroom?
- Down the hall, second left.

We're very sorry for your loss.
You must be devastated.

Crushed.

- Please, pop a squat.
- Thank you.

James Andrew, the bellman
you wanted to see, is on his way.

I told him to bring some of those
awesome champagne-juice drinks.

Mimosas?

James Andrew,
they want mimosas instead.

James Andrew!

I'm sure he heard me.

Well, this is a very nice castle
that you have, Mrs. Hofer.

Thanks. It's a wreck right now,
getting it all set up for the wake.

You should totally come.

Everybody who's anybody is gonna
be here celebrating Gustav's death.

- You mean life.
- Sure, whatever.

Oh, no.

"Turn the largest trophy clockwise. "

Cheers.

Cheers. That is the best
champagne drink I've ever had.

I know, right?

Mrs. Hofer said you wanted to see me.
I assume it's not just for my mimosa.

How does one become a bellman?

Bellmen wear monkey suits
and work in hotel lobbies. I am a porter.

Were you porting the night your boss
had a close encounter with his light?

I was at a key party.
At least 15 people can vouch.

James Andrew
is definitely not the killing type.

Well, Mrs. Hofer,
excuse me for being blunt...

...but you stand to gain
from your late husband's death.

Oh, my God, you think I totally did it.

Well, FYl, I was at a charity ball
the night of the murder.

Y'all sure got a big-ass dog.

The safe was empty. No will.

- Nothing but a cryptic Latin phrase.
- Poor Gustav.

He cared about getting that will
in the right hands.

If we find the killer,
we'll find that will.

Problem is, our case just went
from a slam-dunk to a badunkadunk.

- Is badunkadunk bad?
- Badunkadunk means big...

...as in what our simple murder case
just became.

What happened
to "the bellman did it"?

He's hiding something,
but 15 people at a key party?

- That's an airtight alibi.
- What is a key party, any-?

Oh, I love that you don't know that.

- It's a kind of raffle.
- Of the porno variety.

Oh.

Oh.

Back to the case. How does a safe...

...with cryptic Latin inside
change anything?

You need to peel back
the pie crust you're working under...

...and turn on the news sometime.

Rich people are getting robbed
by some hooligan...

...who leaves the Latin calling card
at every scene.

That's why it's a badunkadunk.

I gotta go see a buddy
at the police station.

Great. Gives us more time...

...to start work
on our research project on Dwight.

Seems like Dwight didn't exist...

...before checking
into the Come-and-Sleep Motel.

Who knows? Maybe he's not a bad guy.
He's charming.

What do Lily and Vivian think?

What you'd expect:
Lily hates and Vivian is completely ga.

Good news is,
you're not even on his radar.

How about another cup
of coffee, please?

Dwight's got a strange preoccupation
with your father's pocket watch.

Maybe we give it to him
and he goes away.

Or we could wake my dad
and ask him.

- Chuck.
- It would be a shortcut...

...to finding out who Dwight is.

You just have to touch him
and ask him.

But that was an act of charity
the Pie-Maker was not willing to commit.

I'm sorry. It's just....

I know you wanna say goodbye...

...and I know a lifetime of goodbyes
can't be condensed into a single minute.

Even if they could, you'd have to
watch him die all over again.

I love you too much
to make you suffer like that.

You understand?

Well, I got us a good nugget.

The police say that our serial robber
always makes a donation to charity...

...the day after he robs someone.

Am I interrupting something?

- No.
- Yep.

Maybe Gustav Hofer was being robbed
by a latter-day Robin Hood.

- Killed by him.
- Call it what you want.

But I know where we can find
a bellman with a charity streak.

It's a new day, friends,
another opportunity to help the needy...

...so ring those bells,
collect spare change...

...and remember: Ring for right!

Ring for right!

Ring for right.

Which means "your ass is busted"
in PI lingo.

Welcome to the Bellmen's
Charity Headquarters.

Here to make a donation? Volunteer?

One of your ringers rang for wrong
to the tune of robbery-homicide.

That's outrageous and impossible.
We screen our Bellmen regularly...

...to make sure that all who ring
in these hallowed halls...

...follow our motto: Ring for right.

Which happens to be written
in crime scenes all over the city.

In a dead language, but still.

Friends, I assure you,
my Bellmen have nothing to hide.

I fling my doors open
to your investigation...

...and if there's anything else
that I can do, please don't hesitate-

To ring?

- Absolutely.
Yeah? Well, somewhere...

...a starving street child
is chewing off his own fingers...

...because you're too cheap
to give 50 bucks.

Telemarketers. I hate these guys.

I'm Emerson Cod, private investigator.
These are my associates.

Mind if we have a gander
at your phone list?

- What phone list?
- The one you just slid into that folder.

- What folder?
- There's a comfort.

Telemarketers are just as horrible
in real life.

Shift change.

- He was very suspect-ish.
- Very.

Yeah, well, any of these phone numbers
match the one at Gustav's mansion...

...he's gonna be very jailbird-ish.

After unearthing the grave
of Charlotte Charles...

...in search of a pocket watch
and finding neither girl nor watch...

...former jailbird Dwight Dixon
used his masculine wiles...

...to determine if Vivian knew
of the watch's final, final resting place.

The clarinet is a lovely instrument.

I wanted to be a flautist,
but unusually tight tendons...

...in my pinkie finger
made hitting D-sharp impossible.

Well, they look just fine to me.
Perfect for holding.

I'm not the kind of woman who slips
notes into random men's coat pockets...

- ... but something about you....
- And what might that have been?

The charm you force to cover
the brutish shell...

...around your damaged heart.

I like layers.

Dwight felt his cold heart
warm ever so much.

Lily was under the impression you're only
looking to recover personal property...

...then disappear like a puddle
of gasoline in the sunshine.

I was saddened to hear Charles' watch
was buried with your dear late niece...

...but what a fine gesture that was.

I imagine the service was magnificent.

It was.

So others beside yourself...

...were able to see Charlotte
with the watch...

...before her dear soul
was committed to the ground?

Mary Suddbury leaned in
and peeled back Charlotte's eyelids.

Said there was a vigorous black market
in stolen corneas...

...but I thought it was in poor taste.

Charlotte. I encouraged her
to take the pleasure cruise...

...that ended so unpleasantly.

I was tired of being a shut-in,
but I couldn't bring myself to leave...

...and so I decided to leave vicariously,
and pushed Charlotte out the door.

Poor Charlotte.

Now. You've gone and set
those pretty peepers a-weeping.

In his search for a brass pocket watch,
Dwight Dixon found a heart of gold.

I've carried this with me
since the funeral...

...as a reminder to stop living vicariously
and start living living.

You've probably seen her face before.

She was all over the news
after she died.

Oh, I've definitely
seen her face before.

Do you know if Gustav donated
to an organization called the Bellmen?

- The Bellmen?
- Every house that's been robbed...

...was called by a Bellmen telemarketer
named Tam Fong.

So Elise didn't do it?
This Tam Fong killed Gustav?

Well, where is he?
I'm gonna find that malfeas-ass...

- ... and slam him down!
- Inside voice.

- Not the gavel of justice.
- Outside voice.

I'm talking about Southern-style,
back-alley score-settling...

...doled out by me and a couple-

- Conversational patio voice?
- Before you get to doling out justice...

...the smoking gun don't always point
to the bad guy.

So Tam Fong isn't the guilty party?

Yes. No. Maybe.

All we know is, maybe he had a hand
in marking the mark.

Good news is, we have reason to believe
Gustav completed a second will.

A second will? Hopefully, that
tarnished trophy wife of his is excluded.

Wait, wait. I'm his lawyer.

If there were a second will,
I would have drafted it...

...and drawn a tidy 20 percent
commission for my troubles.

So how would you know differently?

Let's just say our procedures
would be inadmissible in court.

The will was taken during the robbery.

You people mix the good with the bad.

The world would be better if everybody
dabbed calamine on bad news.

Gustav Hofer deserved better
than the wife he had...

...and the wife he had
didn't deserve the money he earned.

You find that second will,
I'll double your fee.

- We'll find that will.
- We'll find that will.

Tam's calling the houses,
even if he's not robbing them.

What if we put our names
on the do-call list?

No burglar would take the bait...

- ... if they saw your tiny-ass apartments.
- We could use my aunts' house.

Is there a sting? I wanna sting. Can I?

- That's a very bad idea.
- It's a good idea, made doubly good.

You figure out
who brought the lights down on Gustav.

I'll shine a light
on the true identity of Dwight.

I have an old cigar box
with my dad's letters...

...it's hidden in my bedroom.

Now, if my dad did know Dwight,
there'll be something about him inside.

The Pie-Maker considered
the wooden box in her old room...

...a better alternative to the wooden
box that contained her father...

...so a sting was set.

Mr. Fong, I am so sorry to interrupt.

I'm Tessa Carville,
wife of Clarence Carville...

...who I'm sure you're aware
owns Carville Steel.

I believe someone from here
called me yesterday?

Mrs. Carville, of course.
Please, take a seat.

I won't be staying long.

Just long enough to explain
why I hate phone solicitations...

...almost as much as I hate beggars
and panhandlers.

I have the right to a net worth greater
than most developing countries...

...without being hounded
by sponging ne'er-do-wells...

...and sanctimonious bleeding hearts
like yourself.

So unless you stop calling...

...I will take a tiny fraction
of my immense wealth...

...buy this building, knock it down,
and turn it into a glue factory so big...

...the whole city
will be smelling horse.

If you please leave your number...

...I'll see to it that nobody
calls you again. Psych.

- Did you say "psych"?
- No.

Good, because I'm getting
on a hovercraft...

...bound for Saint-Tropez
early this evening...

...and I expect it to be dealt with
before I return tomorrow.

Here is my card.

The trap was set...

...so the Pie-Maker and Chuck
returned to her childhood bedroom...

...not to catch a thief, but to uncover
Dwight Dixon's true intentions.

They turned my old room
into a cheese locker.

Can you smell the flowery overtones
of Stilton wafting through the air?

It's nice that they filled this room
with something you all loved so much.

Oh. It's amazing how a familiar smell
can wrap you in its arms...

...and cuddle away any ugly memories
between now...

...and the last time you smelled it.

Oh, thank you for letting me come.

I'm glad you came.

Oh, and don't worry
about getting caught.

I'll hear anybody coming before they
even get to the bottom of the stairs.

Listen.

The other end's hooked up
to the Victrola in the living room.

I used it to eavesdrop
when I was a teenager.

- That's very crafty.
- Yeah.

Alone in a room that was once hers...

...Chuck felt, for a moment,
like a little girl again.

Thinking of the mementos in the box...

...among them, the birthday present
she was never able to give her father...

...Chuck thanked
her 8-year-old self.

Thank you, 8-year-old self.

You must be out of your damn minds!

There is no way
in Tinker Bell's tiny butt cheeks...

...that you are gonna roll out
the welcome mat on my porch...

- ... for thieves.
- We know it's an imposition-

An imposition is ordering clams
at a kosher deli.

Robbers nowadays
are multihyphenate hoodlums.

They don't just rob. Oh, no.

They strip you naked,
lather you in lard...

...then slide you into the walls
and leave you there.

- Then they rob you.
- When you put it like that....

Why don't I just get a shovel
and start digging my shallow grave now?

- I find a dash of danger titillating.
- You've certainly made that clear.

I assume
that's a passive-aggressive insult...

...directed at my daring sashays
into romance.

I choose to ignore it.

You've ignored every other sign
on the road to heartbreak.

I find that interjecting at precisely
the right moment defuses conflict.

- Wouldn't you agree?
- Lily Charles, you're jealous.

It simply slays you that a man as tender
and as viscerally masculine as Dwight...

- ... chose me over you.
- Missed it by that much.

LILY: I am not jealous.
I'm worried about you. Damn it...

...I love you. I don't wanna see
this fetish you have for raffish men...

...hurt you the way it has in the past.

- On the topic of Dwight-
- Keep out of this!

Is my patch on the wrong eye
or did it suddenly get very dark in here?

Is it dark? I didn't even notice.

They say that extreme photosensitivity
is a sign of rabies...

...or a hangover,
or a delicate optical-nerve condition-

Or a bunch of part-time Pls trying
to hoodwink a hoodlum...

...by pretending my house is vacant-

Wait a minute!
We're being robbed tonight!

Ooh! I just got a shiver.

While the bickering
downstairs continued...

...Chuck decided she had heard
all the fighting she cared to...

...and turned her attention instead
to her father's dusty belongings.

Seeing Dwight engaged
in male bonding...

...with her father
and the Pie-Maker's father...

...Chuck still found no indication
of Dwight Dixon's true intentions.

The secret behind those intentions
remained buried with her father...

...in the grave next to her grave,
a grave she may soon be returning to.

Fear not, madam.

- Shh! Shh!
- I mean you no harm.

Spectacular throw, by the way.

To be fair, I should tell you
I have a gun.

- To be fairer, I don't believe you.
- To be fair...

...all I have to do is scream
and a cadre of big men...

...and sweet ladies with shotguns
will come running.

Fair enough. And yet, you haven't.
Perhaps you believe...

...that society has a moral obligation
to protect the least fortunate.

- Where society fails-
- You pick up the slack.

Which sounds incredibly noble
until you kill.

I am no killer, merely a soldier
of fortune. Other people's fortunes...

- ... for the underprivileged.
- Gustav would say otherwise.

He would if he could speak,
but he can't because he's dead.

You and Tam Fong killed Gustav
two days ago, after you robbed him.

First of all, Tam Fong is but another
unwitting victim of my robberies.

I swipe his phone list
to choose targets.

- And Gustav?
- I robbed him. It's true.

Not because he was stingy
and uncharitable...

- ... because he asked me to.
- He asked you to rob him?

He was writing a will, needed to know
whether to name his wife as beneficiary.

I know how this must sound,
but the facts were these.

- Huh?
- These were the facts:

WRIGHT: Gustav was in the midst
of a crisis of faith.

His decision to rewrite his will made him
question whether his wife loved him...

...and if he had
any true friendships at all.

And that's when we met.

He wanted to make a contribution
but I wouldn't let him.

He said, "Where I come from,
people get paid for services. "

But I said, "Charity is an impulse,
not a return for a friendly act. "

So we talked. He told me his problems
and I offered a solution.

I agreed to rob him. He would appear
to be an innocent victim.

If his wife stayed faithfully by his side,
his concerns could be laid to rest.

I'd return half his fortune,
keep the other half for charity.

But Gustav's wife intervened
and I had to get out.

I read in the paper the next day
what happened to Gustav.

Even if you didn't kill him,
you're a criminal.

My duty is to the downtrodden,
the meek...

...those unable to reach their bootstraps,
let alone pull them.

I take what people can afford to lose.
That certainly doesn't include their lives.

- Do you like puppies?
- Yeah.

The county animal shelter
is to be shut tomorrow...

...unless I get them money
to pay their mortgage.

With nowhere to house these animals,
dogcatchers are calling it The Big Sleep.

You can save them?

Only if the help outweighs the hurt,
the act of charity always makes sense.

You let him go?
What if he's a cold-blooded murderer?

- Shut it. Kitchen.
- It was charity. There were puppies.

And, besides, my Grueneberg ganglia
wasn't activated.

Well, that sounds personal.

One of them feminine conversations
you need to have with lady friends.

Nerves at the tip of your nose
detect aggressive pheromones.

As in, you can sniff out danger?

I could smell a swashbuckling do-gooder
in the wrong place at the wrong time.

- Puppy crap.
- You shouldn't have let him go.

- It was a mistake.
- You're really angry at me.

I'm stress baking in my head.

- You're stress baking me.
- I'm channeling fear into anger.

And anger leads to hate.

Hate leads to stress baking
the people you love.

Bad, but better than releasing,
which you did for the Bellman.

Maybe Rob was telling the truth.
Maybe it was Gustav's wife.

You did say that the bellman/porter
was hiding something.

He may have had an alibi
but he may also know who killed Gustav.

Eh.

Stakeouts are only fun when
there are binoculars for everybody.

Stakeouts are fun if you got
a game to listen to...

...and the stake is next to
a hot-dog stand.

This seems like a good time
to have weighty conversations.

- No, it don't.
- If Dwight figures out I'm not dead...

...it may be the best thing
that ever happened to me.

You're talking a lot like a dead girl
that wants to go back.

- What's the worst that could happen?
- Pie-Maker becomes a show in the circus.

- I earn wages peddling tickets.
- This is a cavalier conversation about...

- ... a deep, dark, touchy subject for me.
- How deep, dark and touchy is it?

Since I was little, I'd have this dream
somebody found out what I could do.

It starts off with
lots of ice cream and balloons...

...and ends in a small room...

...where bits are cut out of me
until there's nothing.

That's awful. If Dwight finds out
about me, then he finds out about you.

You still won't wake my dad
and find out what Dwight wants.

You're putting my well-being
before your fears.

That's so courageous and romantic.

Ugh.

- Thank you.
- Well, lookie, lookie.

That's Gustav's widow
and the bellman. Petting?

Hello, motive, nice to see you again.

All that remained for Emerson Cod
was to confront the bellman and widow.

Across town, all that remained
of Charles Charles...

...was a loving box of memories.

And a pocket watch.
Although Charles Charles...

...the man who had set so much
in motion, was long gone...

...Dwight Dixon, the man who intended
to bring it all to a crashing end...

...was still here.

We're close- Uh.... Excuse me.

What I meant to say was,
"We're closed. "

Oh, you're here all by your lonesome.

No, no, I'm not here
all by my lonesome.

Manuel, the big cholo janitor,
is in the back.

I think he used to be in one of those
super-dangerous El Salvadorian gangs...

...who murder white, older men
as a warning to the police to buzz off.

Isn't that right, Manuel?

He's probably cleaning the toilet.

I'd like to leave a message
for your friends.

Yeah, I'll just grab a pad.
It's around here somewhere.

Boy, look at all this sugar.

Yeah, I hope you don't need a-

Hello?

While Olive Snook was unable to provide
the pen and paper she sought...

...she'd received the mysterious
Dwight's message loud and clear.

One hour, 23 minutes
and 42 seconds ago...

...Olive Snook made
two alarming discoveries.

First, that in time of duress...

...the Pie-Maker's penchant
for stress baking was matched...

...only by the petite waitress's
predilection for stress binging.

Second, that the dark stranger,
Dwight Dixon...

...had discovered Chuck,
a. k.a. Charlotte Charles ', true identity.

It did little to lighten the load
in Olive's heart...

...as she anxiously awaited
the Pie-Maker's return.

Having acquired the brass pocket watch
he so eagerly sought...

...Dwight Dixon set his sights
on Vivian's heart of gold.

But sister Lily was not about to let
that treasure go so easily.

You can turn your fanny right around
and walk away, mister.

We're done buying
what you're peddling.

Now, Lily, that's not entirely true.
More accurate would be:

"I'm not buying what you're peddling,
but vivian will be right down. "

How long you suppose
she'll stay interested in the wares...

...of a two-bit huckster pitching lies?

I didn't think you were so concerned.

Shouldn't you be more worried
about the truth?

Time to nip you
in the budding romance.

Before Vivian convinces herself
you really are the Second Coming.

I assume you are referring to
my friend, your lover, Charles Charles.

- You're nothing like Charles.
- I think Charlie and me...

...are more similar than you reckon.
A few stark differences, of course.

But we had the same ambitions.

He made bad decisions.
You were a bad decision.

My bad decisions landed me in prison.
His landed him with a baby girl.

I don't think I ever had the opportunity
to express my condolences.

You got your thumb on a big, red button
you definitely don't wanna push.

Vivian said the service was beautiful.

And what a lovely gesture, to bury
your daughter with her father's watch.

You're such thoughtful women,
who have loved and lost so much.

We're gonna lose you right now
before you get one inch closer...

...to my little sister's heart.
Get gone and stay gone.

Lily's encounter with Dwight had stirred
the pot of her sentimental soup...

...one spoonful of which gave her
a terrible case of the yearns...

...to visit her daughter's grave.

What in hell's kitchen...?

But when she saw the overturned dirt,
she thought about the pocket watch...

...and the man obsessed
with its whereabouts...

...and wondered whether
Dwight Dixon had unearthed more...

...than Vivian's buried emotion.

Meanwhile, the private investigators...

...had unearthed the buried motives
of Gustav Hofer's widow.

You bumped off Gustav...

...so you could bump uglies
with the bellman while inheriting.

- I told you. Alibi. Key party.
- Your alibi never checked out.

You never went to that ball.
Why'd you do it, Elise?

I didn't do anything.
Except James Andrew.

Who do you think got his key?

Oh. I was still really wrong about
what I thought that was.

You two backing up each other's alibis
means bupkis.

You were canoodling
and you were cahooting to kill.

We cahooted to keep quiet
about our affair.

Adulteresses totally get the shaft
in estate law.

I couldn't kill anybody
with these hands.

Since I grew these puppies,
my manicure means...

...I'm a mani-can't for manual labor.

You were a mani-can when it came
to pointing a gun at Robber Rob...

- ... and almost pulled the trigger.
- As if. I never even saw the robber.

And even if I did....

Why is everybody pointing their gun
at me?

There is no way I could pull the trigger
on a gun. I'm too blinged out.

- You could have taken off the rings.
- Would have taken forever.

Rob would have been out.

If she's telling the truth
and didn't storm in on Rob robbing....

Our Robbing Hood's
had us hoodwinked.

So the private investigator,
the Pie-Maker and Chuck...

...sought out their winking hood...

...at the Bellmen's headquarters.

I'll thank you to keep your sidearm
holstered, sir, lest I be forced to lunge.

Well, at least it ain't another gun.

From one gentleman to another...

...allow me to apologize
for our current situation.

I'd be receptive to that apology if there
wasn't a knife pointed at my gullet.

You're a lying liar and a murderer.
Both of which are bad-

One is worse.
You slaughtered a senior citizen.

That'll buy you a ringside seat in hell.

You might get a refund on that ticket
if you put the knife down.

Gustav was the victim
of a tragic accident.

Born of good deeds, I might add.

Running from the scene
was no accident.

Did you stop to consider
the consequences of your good deeds?

Those weren't good for Gustav's wife,
lawyer or legacy.

Well, actually, now that you mention it,
I think I can make that right.

Gustav's will. It was in his safe.

Now that that's settled,
I trust my quest to rob from the rich...

...and give to the poor
may continue unabated.

Oh, hell, no.

You see, I plan on being real rich,
and I wanna see your ass in jail.

I was afraid you might feel
that way, so....

About time I get to do
the gun pointing around here.

The facts were these:

Upon coming to the realization
that his young wife...

...may only have married him
for his money...

...Gustav found himself questioning
whether he should rewrite his will.

Bellman Rob Wright afforded him
the perfect plan.

Fake a robbery to learn
his wife's true feelings.

But Daniel Hill discovered
those feelings first.

He deserves the cr�me de la cr�me,
not some sugar-stuffed Pop-Tart...

...with a helium voice
and hooker heels.

One word from me
and you are out of the will.

Though his lawyer shielded Gustav
from his wife's treachery...

...in order to protect his pride...

...Gustav had not only seen
her adulteress ways...

...but also the way Daniel Hill defended
his good name and honor.

The billionaire resolved to leave
his estate to his esquire.

When the Bellman arrived,
Gustav refused to play his role.

Rob Wright insisted Gustav keep his end
of the bargain.

Gustav insisted more emphatically
that Rob leave his mansion.

WRIGHT:
Give me the-

It was Gustav who would be
the dearly departed...

...and Daniel Hill who would find
the body he left behind...

...and pick up the pieces.

Gustav's revised will.

- You get the whole Hofer coffer.
- Me?

All I ever did was give him
my friendship.

That's all he wanted.

Now, let's talk about
your next charitable donation.

While Emerson Cod
was able to deliver good news...

...Lily Charles sought to convince
her sister...

...that the mysterious Dwight
was bad news.

Holy crap.

Lily knew Dwight dug up
her daughter's grave...

...but she needed more proof
than overturned dirt.

Lily had found the proof she sought.

Dwight had in his possession...

...the watch
she believed was buried with Chuck.

Dwight, believing
the girl-who-was-not-dead...

...stole back the watch
he stole from her...

...set off to retrieve his stolen,
stolen property.

The girl named Chuck,
who had not been so lucky with death...

...learned her death had come back
to haunt her...

...in the form of Dwight Dixon.

This left the Pie-Maker no choice.

In order to unearth
Dwight Dixon's agenda...

...he must first unearth
Chuck's father.

I keep waiting for the high
to rush through my system.

And instead, I feel
really nervous and uncomfortable.

An awkward hello, tender acceptance
and a rushed goodbye.

Euphoric high barely figures in it.
It's gonna be hard.

I don't think I realized that,
and now it's too late to turn back.

It's not too late. We have options.
We could leave town.

With Dwight knowing,
you're willing to put...

...my emotional well-being
before your deepest fears.

If I knew, I never would have
alive-agained my mother.

And I had her for seven hours.

I'd rather chance Dwight
than make you go through this.

When you lost your mother,
you were alone. I have you.

You're the real swashbuckling do-gooder,
and I love you.

I hope you still feel that way
when this is over.

You ready?

I am ready, I think.