Original subtitles

(alarm blaring)

Roger: This is not a test. I repeat, this is not a test.

Roger has been short-changed, stiffed, bamboozled,

hood-winked, greased, conned, swindled.

A real Montreal screw-job.

This is not a test.

(alarm blaring)

Jo: What the hell is that sound?

Is that a new song by Big Makwa? Meh'.

I don't know, but it probably has something

to do with this email Roger sent.

The one with the subject line that says, "I quit?"

Yeah, that one.

It was sent yesterday. Rose!

We have to fix this.

Okay, let me respond, because it's my job.

Got it. "Okay, den. From Jo."

- Send! - (computer whooshing)

- Nailed it. - Good one.

♪ Yes, I can love you baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

Hey, big sis. I need your help.

I just tried Little Fatty's Maximum Overkill.

They use salt from the Atlantic Ocean.

Not now. We have a crisis.

- Oh. Hey, Rose. - (phone ringing)

Hello, band office.

Can we talk over here?

He's just trying to borrow money.

As if. (laughing)

Jo, I need to borrow money.

Can you fuck off?

Come on, man. It's an emergency!

This is the thirstiest I've ever been in my whole life.

I'm fucking scared, man.

Just drink some water.

Yuck! That's the worst part about juice.

Gramps McKay said he's going to throw shitty ass diapers

at our door if we don't get someone on the radio.

Fuck sakes.

(phone ringing)

If you want to make money so bad,

here's your chance to earn some.

I just wanna borrow money, I don't wanna earn it.

Rose: Okay. We don't know where he is either.

Ah!

- Rose: Alright, then. - You could impress Rose.

(Rose hanging up phone)

(blowing)

(clearing throat)

What do I gotta do?

Get on the radio.

Take some calls, play some songs.

Use that big mouth of yours.

Okay, fine, I'll do it,

but first I need a payday advance for some pop.

Jarred! (laughing)

I'm just going to buy some more potato chips.

(chuckling) Uh, excuse me,

I got no time to talk.

Working man coming through.

(sighing)

(phone ringing)

"Okay den?"

Twenty years of nearly perfect work on the radio

and that's all she can say?

(sighing)

- (radio crackling) - Paul: Hello?

Is this thing on or what?

Where's all the radio buttons that do all the radio stuff?

Testing. Salt and vinegar. Salt and vinegar.

There's too many dials and switches on this thing.

Man, what is this? A spaceship or a radio station?

I feel like Luke Skinwalker up in here.

♪

As the rain melts my eyes,

the sky is grey.

♪ My real dad's name is Ray ♪

All right, that was Waylon Jennings

or it could have been Cher.

We're going to let you decide.

We're gonna take a caller.

Who do ya got?

Rita: Put Roger back on! You're no damn good.

Uh, next caller.

Why would Roger just up and leave like that?

Ooh, I know. Maybe the answer to why he left is in this email

he sent with the subject line...

"Reasons why I left."

Rose!

Shit, well, go ahead and read them all out.

Okay. His reason is budget cuts.

Hey, you did that.

(groaning)

Fuck, this is boring.

What's this?

"Roger That: A self-published memoir by Roger Laughingstick."

(laughing mischievously)

Well, Grouse Lake,

do I or do I not do not read?

He's not going to read a "do not read" is he?

That'd be so embarrassing for Roger if he did.

(Paul clearing throat)

Paul: Chapter Beezzhig.

He's doing it!

Paul: It was the best of times, it was the rez of times.

1996. The year of the Toonie.

I didn't want to leave Grouse Lake

but my dreams were too big for this one-horse Rez.

I was freshly graduated from the Gift of the Gab Radio School

and I started my first day on the job.

My dreams were as big as everyone's fanny packs.

Welcome back

to Toba 89.6,

Winnipeg's Okayest Rock station,

with everyone's favourite show,

On the Fly with Micky Fly.

(buzzing)

(laughing)

♪

Wow. How does he do it?

♪

Welcome back

to Toba 89.6,

with everyone's favourite show,

Roger in the City.

Looks like we got another caller.

Man: Hey, Roger. It's your biggest fan,

Elijah Harper.

If it wasn't for you,

I never would have turned down the Meech Lake Accord.

Hold that thought, Elijah.

Woman: Hey, Roger. It's your biggest fan,

Shania Twain.

Roger? Roger! Do you read me?

Oh. Hey, Crystal. Sorry.

Were you just dreaming about being in his spot?

Uh, no. I was just getting ready to do the traffic report.

Micky, get this. Traffic guy wants to do what you do.

(scoffing)

Oh, this just in, Crystal, not everyone can get the city

buzzing like Micky Fly.

(buzzing)

(both laughing)

It's not that funny.

It's not funny?

Crystal: Wait a second.

You didn't think "Buzzin' like Micky Fly" was funny?

You know how long it took me to perfect this laugh?

Years.

Fuckin' years.

You don't learn to laugh like this in radio school, guy.

Let's hear your laugh, traffic boy.

Yeah.

Can you say something funny?

This guy needs a lead-in.

Okay, man.

No, I don't. Watch.

I'll laugh out of the blue.

(laughing awkwardly)

Let me give you some free advice.

I didn't become Winnipeg's top laugher by fucking around.

Yeah, pay attention.

My laugh used to be a wild stallion,

'til I threw a lasso on it.

I tamed it and combed its mane.

Now, it will do what I say when I say it.

Here, girl. (whistling)

Ah, here it comes.

Just over the horizon.

(laughing)

(whinnying)

(shushing)

Wow.

Kid, you gotta control your laugh,

or your laugh will control you.

(chuckling)

All right. Now, get on the air.

There's an umbrella in the middle of Portage

and traffic's at a stand-still.

Paul: All right, caller, you're on the air!

Gramps: Slow the fuck down, boy,

and stop breathing so heavy.

(sighing) What do you want, Gramps?!

Gramps: Oh, I lost a transmission

driving over an umbrella once.

Boy, it still pisses me off.

You gotta let that go, man.

Gramps: Oh, just keep reading.

All the elders want to know how it ends.

Well, leave me alone, den!

Wait a minute.

This looks like a good part.

This could be the end of me.

Roger! Roger, get in here!

Hurry! Yeah, I'll call you back.

What's up? Another umbrella?

- No, it's Micky! - (Micky laughing)

He just started laughing at one of his own jokes

and now he just... he can't stop.

(laughing) I can't!

(laughing)

A laugh flu. I've heard of that!

Some DJs, they never come out.

Micky (voiceover): You gotta control your laugh...

You gotta control your laugh, or your laugh will control you.

The stallion finally bucked him.

Can you get on the air?

Have you been practicing your laughing schtick?

Oh, shit yeah. Wanna hear it?

No, there's... there's no time! Just--

Just get in there and tame the beast. Go!

Now, Roger!

You're listening to Toba 89.6

Winnipeg's Okayest Rock Station.

I'm DJ Roger Laughingmug.

Laughinghat?

Laughing tire?

Why is there a tire in here?

Wait! Laughingstick!

Roger Laughingstick.

(laughing)

(bottle clattering, liquid splattering)

Paul: Shit! I fucked up Roger's storybook!

Jo, I need more pop money.

Fok'n guy.

Paul: Sorry, Grouse Lake.

We're having, uh, technical difficulties.

The words are all melted.

Caller, you're on!

Dean: Hey, man. You fucked up Roger's memory.

(chuckling) It's actually pronounced "memoir."

It's French!

(in French accent:) It means telling your own story!

Dean: Nah, bro. It's called a memory,

because he's remembering his life.

Just read a dry part.

Duh! What do you think I'm trying to do?

Okay, here's something. Chapter N'shwaaswi.

"To thine own self be true." Mn'ehh.

"I'm not going to lie.

There was nothing more powerful than having white people

hang on your every word."

Do you like it?

Like it? I love it.

I always knew you'd make it, Roger.

Even way back when you were just a stupid no-talent traffic guy.

Speaking of traffic, that the new guy?

Were you just dreaming about being in his spot?

I was just getting ready to do the traffic report.

Roger, get this. Traffic guy wants to do what you do.

(both laughing)

Hey, kid.

Comb that mane

or a stallion will lasso the horizon.

(both chuckling)

(laughing)

Hey, Micky. You missed a spot.

(laughing)

You're riffing with Roger.

Man: Hey, Roger. It's me!

Who's me?

Uncle McKay up in Grouse Lake.

More like Gross Lake. (laughing)

(playing whirling sound effect)

Uncle McKay: Enough, boy.

I'm just calling because you gotta come home

and host treaty days.

Everyone misses you.

I'll have my manager call my agent

and see if I have any openings.

Uncle McKay: Okay, great! We can't wait to see--

- (cutting off call) - Paul: What the fuck!?

You're telling me, Roger can take off to the city

and act good, but when I do it everyone hates me?

That's bullshit! Caller, you're on!

Chickadee: It's different when you did it,

because you're a massive chode.

Oh, looks like we lost the caller.

Sorry, Chickadee.

Must be real windy over there in Asshole Lane.

Chapter N'shwaasmitaana.

"The bologna slices were thick,

but the ham slices were even thicker.

Things were cooking.

It was getting hot in the studio,

but I was getting even cooler outside."

(The Watchmen's "Stereo") ♪ My life is a stereo ♪

♪ Turn me on and let's go ♪

♪ Turn me up louder ♪

♪ I'll scream as loud and clear as I can scream ♪

♪ And if you like what you're hearing ♪

♪ Please hang on to me... ♪

There you are. You're late.

Am I? Or are you early?

No, no. You're definitely late.

We had to grab two guys to fill in for you.

Micky Fly and the traffic guy?

(laughing)

(playing slide whistle)

Two DJs at the same time will never work.

I love you, Roger, you know I do,

but you're the one that's sliding.

Now, hurry up. We'll swap you back in at break.

Hey, is that my hot sauce?

These look great!

They got the sauce part right, but it's missing the hot!

That's because it's ketchup.

What?

Uh, the company put the wrong sauce in the bottle,

but we can send it back, okay?

Nah, just keep it.

Everything's spicy to white people.

Greg: Actually, on behalf of white people, I object to that.

Oh. Hey, Greg.

Greg: It feels like a generalization to say

that everything is spicy to white people.

I've been known to go a little heavy on the pepper myself--

Oh, shut up, Greg!

Where was I? Oh, yeah.

The part where Roger was acting way too good.

Here we go.

"I only ever looked ahead to the future,

but every once in a while, your past catches up."

Crystal: Your interview's here.

Interview?

Crystal: From the band Big Makwa.

Says she knows you from back home.

Oh, right.

She has a single out called "Eagle Heart,"

and you agreed to feature it, remember?

I guess I can squeeze her in,

but I'm not taking these cucumbers off.

Well, if it ain't old Roger Dodger.

I remember swimming around in ditches with you in our diapers.

Maybe you haven't heard,

but I don't swim around in diapers anymore.

Ho'leh, Roger. Just fuckin' around.

All this fame is getting to your cucumber head.

Crystal: All right, let's go. You're on.

Welcome back to Laughingstick in the Afternoon.

I've got none other than my good old friend Deedee

from Big Makwa with her latest hit, "Pigeon Heart."

"Eagle Heart!"

They're all birds to me. (laughing)

Since when do you laugh like that?

Let's just play the song.

- (eagle screeching) - (song starting)

Are you trying to ruin the show?

Look at you, part Elton John,

part veggie platter.

Okay, now you're jealous.

I don't know whether to slap you silly

or dip you in ranch dressing.

You're the one acting good, with your leather jacket.

Actually, where did you get that?

Look, Roger, I ain't here for my song.

Then what do you want?

Been on the road too long,

and for what? Fame?

Who needs it?

If you're tired, take a nap.

I'm going home.

And you, you should come with me.

Think about it.

Me as chief, you hosting the radio.

Grouse Lake would be deadly!

You want me to leave all of this.

Why the hell not?

Because I got everything a man could ask for here.

Look, Roger, people talk.

I know what happened to Micky,

and if you let all this shit get to your already big head,

then... (laughing)

...Boom!

That's never going to happen to me.

I'll be leaving in three days,

and I'm going to buy two tickets to Grouse Lake.

The rest is up to you.

Paul: All right.

Here we go.

Chapter Ningodwaak. The Last Laugh.

"Things may have gotten carried away for your old pal Roger,

but Laughingstick wasn't about to laugh his head off."

We're going to miss you, Roger,

but I wish you well on your vision quest.

Ho'leh, woman.

I'm just going home.

So, you're really leaving?

Would a dual valve espresso machine change your mind?

Sounds nice, but no thanks.

A spoon rack.

For the coffees?

That's right!

And we could get you all those humidifiers that you need.

Really? What about a pay raise.

Of course!

I could even get you all those expensive creams you like.

A bottle for every body part.

(sighing)

I'm going to have to say no, Crystal.

Well, can't say I didn't try.

(Crystal sighing)

Paul: All right, Grouse Lake.

If you're still with us, we're shutting her down.

No more calls, no more words.

And, Roger, if you're out there,

we want you back.

I don't know how you do any of this.

I've been on the air for just a few hours,

and I already need a nap.

And you showed me that you can come back from the city

and you don't have to be a giant dink.

And you also taught us that it was Chief Jo's

budget cuts that made you go away in the first place,

and I love the fact that she fucked up

way more than I ever did.

Sorry, Jo. I'm all out of pop money.

This DJ is signing off.

Eh, fuck off, Paul. I had to.

Deedee let the budget get way out of control.

But you also beat Deedee in the election.

Jo, she's the reason he came back.

(sighing) Okay, already. I'll get him back then.

Roger: Hello, Grouse Lake.

Old Laughingstick is back.

But only for a sec.

Thanks to Paul for reading my memoir.

But if I woulda known that someone was gonna

read my memoir on air, I never would have left it

perfectly placed under a lamp.

I am outraged, but mostly at Chief Jo.

I know you probably have questions.

(knocking)

And looky here.

We have a surprise guest.

Hi, Roger. Chief Jo here.

I just wanted to take a minute to, you know--

Go on.

To say...

just say stuff that makes you feel better.

Like what kind of stuff, Jo?

That that's a nice shirt.

And?

(mumbling) You can have your budget back.

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Can you speak up?

You can have your budget back.

And?

And you're the... best and we need you?

Okay?

This is bullshit!

(both laughing)

You heard it, people.

Chief Jo needs old Laughingstick back.

(laughing)

The board is lighting up.

It's good to be back, Grouse Lake!

This one's for you, Deedee.

(Big Makwa's "Eagle Heart" playing)

♪

Hi, there.

You might remember me from such things as the radio.

This sauce is as red

as the road our people walk on,

and you too, white man,

can now walk the same road.

You can put my red sauce on anything you like.

Basically, anything that you would put ketchup on,

but it's not ketchup.

Chief Red Sauce.

It's definitely not ketchup.

(dinging)

(The Watchmen's "Stereo" plays) ♪ My life is a stereo ♪

♪ Turn me on and let's go ♪

♪ Turn me up louder ♪

♪ I'll scream as loud and clear as I can scream ♪

♪ And if you like what you're hearing ♪

♪ Please hang on to me ♪

♪

♪ Well, I like being here ♪

♪ And I'm all hooked up wrong ♪

♪ Hang on to me ♪

♪ Though I'm one of a million ♪

♪ One of a million, one of a million ♪