Original subtitles

♪

Man on radio: That was "Feelin' Flat"

by Jimmy Flat-Ass and the Bannock Butts,

and you're listening to Roger Laughingstick

on Grouse Lake Radio... Ah.

Nice day out there, so get yourself down to the school gym.

They got that anti-bullying workshop going on,

and that can only mean one thing:

free sandwiches!

Maybe Big City Paul will be there.

Word is, he just got home from Winnipeg.

Will he be at the gym for some free sandwiches?

Or does he only eat wontons now?

♪

Is it true, bro? You only eat wontons?

As if you even know what a wonton is.

Also, that's my momma's door. That's my door.

Okay, then.

Okay. Good. Let's go.

Oh. I don't have my keys.

You just drove here.

Yeah, eh? I should have my keys.

Ho-ly. This guy.

How do you lose your keys, you cock nose?

Nice to see you, too, Fat Face.

Take it easy. I lost six pounds when I was in the city.

You lost six pounds? From where, man?

From your cock nose! Don't even worry about it!

So, how was the city?

Ugh. Just leave me alone!

Let's just go to the North Store and get some pizza.

No, man. There's a bullying seminar,

and they got free sandwiches.

Nah. Everyone's gonna make a big deal about how I'm back home.

Too bad, man. I got to meet with Lips.

He's next in line to get movies off my USB.

He thought he's seen every Sharknado,

but he skipped over Lavalantula.

- Just give it to him later. - No, bro.

When you're the movie man,

you got responsibilities.

- Whoa. - Paul: Oh, my God.

(chuckling) My keys were in my boot, bro.

Oh, my God. Okay. Let's go to the North Store.

Hey, we're going to the school first, bro.

Why you being so sketchy? Everyone's going to be

- happy you're back. - Not everybody.

♪ Yes I can love you baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

Woman: When do you think your brother is getting here?

Not now, Mom, okay?

You haven't seen him in forever.

- And it's been good. - Ma'tay!

Jo: Come on, Mom.

He's a spoiled baby.

But he is a baby! He's my baby! (clapping)

Drop it, Beanpole.

You want to lose your beading hand?

Attention, everybody!

The sandwiches will be served

after the anti-bullying workshop!

- (people booing) - Too bad!

I let you eat sandwiches before the last workshop,

and everyone took off early, so shut it!

Just talked to the white lady,

and she wants to start the workshop.

Oh, she wants to start now?

You let her know she's on Indian time. (clapping)

Okay, and one more thing.

This better not be about Paul.

Do you think he knows I'm with Stephen Harper?

Everyone knows. You post about Stephen Harper all day.

Hey, Stephen Harper!

Hey, Jo. Uh, sorry to interrupt.

Rose, if Paul's going to be here, I can leave.

No. I want him to see us together.

I just hate it when you two fight.

I know. You say that all the time.

Well, he's on my mind all the time.

Jo: What the hell is wrong with your mind?

♪

- Dean: There's Brady. - Paul: The fuck's a Brady?

Dean: He's the new North Store manager.

He made all the sandwiches.

Don't worry. He's cool for a white guy.

Yeah, because that's what the rez needs,

is, uh, more white guys.

Yeah, but you're half white.

I don't feel half white.

Anyway, the only fucked-up thing about Brady is,

he's trying to snag your sister.

She'll eat him alive. She's a wendigo.

(chuckling) Let's go.

Oh, Dean, just dropped off the good sandwiches.

Cool, man.

Paul? I've heard so much about you.

- Paul: Nice vest. - Man: Movie Man.

- Yo. - You got my Lavalantula?

Yeah, man.

- Yo, Big City. - Relax. I'm just here

- for the free sandwiches. - This guy posted a pic

of him in a swimming pool. Is that true or what?

Yeah, man. I was in some pools.

No way, bro. Just like a movie.

Ah, easy, guys. We're just here for the sandwiches.

Dean. Dean, it's okay. It's cool, man.

Winnipeg? Full of pools.

I was in, like, 17 of them.

Couple of them even had waterslides.

Waterslides?

This neechie was living like a king.

A king who swims with a t-shirt on.

(Brady chuckling)

- (feedback screeching) - Man, woman: Ah!

I just seen the bulletin in the band office about the wolves.

- Oh, really, Ed? - Yeah.

They're coming closer and closer to town.

They must be hungry. Good thing I'm from the wolf clan, eh?

The sandwiches are for later!

Get out of here!

Has anyone seen my daughter?

So, no one's seen Chickadee?

Wow. Sterling hanging with the Doodoo boys.

Surprised you two aren't at home sucking on your momma's teat.

Oh, ain't you glad your uncle's back?

Mn'ehh. You just want everyone

to make a big deal about you.

Mn'ehh yourself! I'm just here for lunch.

Oh, you just want to sneak in,

grab lunch, and not talk to anyone?

Why didn't you just say so?

Look who's here!

It's the pool king.

Hey, everybody!

I'm back!

(people murmuring quietly)

Hi, Mom!

Is it Indian time to start?

Yo-ho! You can't just say that!

(people murmuring)

Oh, dear. I-- I'm so sorry.

Ho-ly! White lady just struggling.

I really am.

Let's just get started.

Welcome, everyone,

to the anti-bullying workshop!

(coughing)

Chief Deedee was supposed to do this,

but she got the day off.

- Again. - She's in a jam session.

Okay.

Anyways, we have a workshop leader

from Bully Beware

to lead us in a seminar!

Karen: Miigwetch, Josephine.

Um, before we start, I would like to begin

with a land acknowledgment.

We are gathered here together on Treaty Five territory,

- which is the-- - Dean: Fuck this.

Let's just eat already.

Sit down, Dean!

Oh. Uh, sorry. Small thing.

Will those teens be playing basketball

the entire time, or...?

Hey, you kids!

Quit bouncing them basketballs, or I'll come pop them!

Karen: Thank you. Thanks.

Alright. Um, so, when we think of bullying,

we think of physical violence,

but there's also verbal bullying,

like, um, teasing and name-calling.

Mn'ehh! So you're saying if I call this guy Cock Nose,

- that that's bullying? - Uh, that is

a very good question. Yes.

That's, um, what's called teasing,

and it's known as lateral violence.

- Mn'ehh! - Lateral violence.

I got a question for Paul. Why you back?

Lips: Actually, yeah. Now that you mention it,

- it seems suspicious. - I already told you why, Lips.

Nicknames are also a form of bullying.

But everybody calls him Lips.

Yes, but why do you call him Lips?

Because when we were young, he showed up to school

with a big old macaroni right on his lips!

- (people laughing) - Lips, tell her

about your lip.

Rose: I got a question.

Why did you leave

without saying goodbye?

Many people: Oh.

Jo: Oh, my God!

You guys, shut up!

You sound like a bunch of squeaking weasels!

Just settle down and let Karen do her damn workshop.

Karen: Uh, my name is actually Karen,

but the way you said it just now made me feel

like you were bullying.

Yeah. You're the bully, Jo.

Who said that? That you, Beanpole?

Would a bully order free sandwiches for everyone?

Does that sound like a bully move?

Yeah, but you won't let us eat them.

You know what?

To hell with it.

Go eat the damn sandwiches, then!

Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Elders first.

Actually, if you could, uh, sign the anti-bullying pledge--

- Dean, grab me a sandwich, bro. - Dean: Yeah, man.

- Just one. - Yeah, I'll get it.

- Is this over? - Don't feel bad.

You kept them longer than the hypnotist.

And we were all hypnotized.

I'm not a bully, right?

No. I wouldn't change anything about you.

- You're just assertive. - I like that.

I'm assertive.

I've always said that about you.

And people like assertive.

Not as much as they like-- (in whiny voice) --Paul.

Ah, that's the thing about siblings sometimes, you know?

- (engine starting) - I actually have

- an older sister, so-- - I'm assertive.

Brady: --I know a thing or two about this.

Assertive. I like that. I'm assertive.

I'll tell you another time! It's not super important!

Roger: (on radio) You're listening to Laughingstick

in the Afternoon, and we're still trying to figure out

who took that tray of sandwiches from the gym.

Sandwiches don't just vanish on their own,

so call in and tell me:

Who was the vanish-er?

The heck you doing here again, Blue?

How much can I get for this?

You just had one.

No. I never'd.

(laughing)

Another blue one for Blue.

Tell your little school friends

that I have the good North Store sandwiches.

Agnes got sandwiches!

(dramatic music playing)

It's time for me to leave this place.

But will I ever see you again?

You will find me where the moon and the sun cross paths,

in the shadows of the great bear.

That feels like a no.

Jo: Rose? Rose.

I'm a nice lady, eh?

Sorry. I was just watching Restless Wind.

This is the episode where Tatanka

leaves his settler girlfriend

to travel around with his loyal horse companion, Comanche.

I'm not a bully.

I'm just assertive.

You're nice to me.

And you work hard, and you get things done.

That said, I think a lot of people are scared of you.

Exactly. I'm assertive,

and people like it.

Lips! Get over here!

Do I scare you?

What do you want me to say?

Ugh! Beat it, Lips!

What up, big sis?

Do you have to be everywhere?

- What do you want? - Just need to relax.

Everyone's been bugging me about awesome the city's been.

Must be nice. I'm sure you heard.

- I'm with Stephen Harper now. - Paul: Of course I heard.

You posted it on the "Rose and Paul 4eva" page.

Whatever. You left without saying goodbye.

Okay. I just came by to say hi to Lips,

- but I'll call him later! - You were asking about me?

Shut up, Lips!

I'm sorry, my dear.

I must be alone.

The only one who can join me on this life journey

is my loyal horse companion, Comanche.

(neighing)

I love you, too.

(mouthing along to dialogue) And only you.

Brady: Hey, how many movie mans are there typically on a rez?

Just one.

- Ham me. - Okay.

Well, because I met this kid named Little Tony,

and he said that he's the movie man?

- Mn'ehh. - What is that?

I've seen that before.

Mah-nah.

No, man. Like this: Mn'ehh.

Uh-mah.

It takes time.

Okay.

So, say you see a beautiful girl walking by, eh?

And you go to your friend, "Mn'ehhh."

But then you find out she's just your cousin.

Mn'ehh.

I think I got it.

(smacking lips, grunting) Eh.

- (Dean hissing) - (door opening)

What the fuck's this guy doing in our lodge?

It smells like ham and ass!

Well, this is my lodge now, because you left,

and his name is Brady. And yeah, he needs to be here.

- He brought us a big ass ham. - Want some?

Mm. I've seen bigger.

What you mean? That's a big ass ham!

Man, you been acting good ever since you came back.

Talking pools and girls and shitting on big hams.

Just bullshitting!

City's just different, bro.

Oh, yeah? If life was so good in the city,

- then why'd you come back, bro? - How many times

do I have to tell you? Fuck!

Maybe just one time, for real!

Whatever! Hang with your new buddy!

Open up your eyes, man!

He's just using you for your hams.

♪

Jo: Hey, you guys! I saw you playing basketball.

You must be real thirsty.

- Us? - Jo: I got you these.

- See? Would a bully do that? - I don't know.

The answer's no!

And you don't even have to think about it,

because I just bought you those drinks.

My mom said you were just mean to her when you were kids.

Jo: You Beanpole's kid?

You tell that skinny little rat I'm just being assertive.

What you doing talking to the skinny bunch for?

Who cares what they think?

What? Am I wearing something of yours?

I know you're mad because everyone is excited about Uncle

and scared of you, but Uncle sucks, okay?

All those pics he was posting are phonies.

- The guy's an internet ho. - What?

Yeah, and you know how Uncle was staying with cousin Leon

in the city? Leon sent me this.

Man on video: Fuck you always looking out the window

- and shit, man? - Paul: Get out of here,

- Cousin Leon! - Man: Just fucking

- missing Rose. - Leave me alone!

Man: Shake that off, just missing her.

Paul: I'm not missing her!

Man: (mocking) I fucking miss her!

Paul: I want to go back to the rez.

Man: I miss her! I fucking miss her!

That make you feel better?

Shit, yeah. Send that to me.

♪

♪

(grunting)

Everything okay, baby boy?

Mom, if you're going to use the wrong door,

could you at least knock first?

Oh, that's right.

You have your own door and your own place.

(knocking)

Paul: Just come in already!

- Dean's here. - That's the wrong door.

What? You want me to go around?

- Yeah. - You boys look hungry.

I'll get some sandwiches.

(Dean groaning)

- What do you want? - Dean: The truth, bro!

It's me, Dean!

- I've known you my whole life. - Just leave me alone.

Not until you tell me why you left the city.

You may be just my cuz,

but you're still my bro... bro.

- Jo is here. - Mom, that's the wrong door!

We all heard your city stories,

but they ain't true!

Everyone thinks I'm shit but you're the shit,

but it's all bullshit!

Rose is here.

Rose: "Just fucking missing her"?

Why can't you ever tell me how you feel?

Jo: Just cut the shit and tell us what happened!

Yeah! No more lies!

Stop acting good!

Okay. I got egg salad,

canned ham,

and baloney.

Dean: Oh, hey! I'll trade my egg salad for your ham.

- Rose: No way! - Okay! You guys are killing it!

If I tell you what happened, can you guys just go away?

(sighing) I didn't even work at the hotel.

Cousin Leon was supposed to get me a job.

He told me he was a big deal,

but all he did was clean rooms,

and he got fired for sleeping on all the beds!

Jo: You believed Cousin Leon? That guy went to jail

for selling three people the same car!

The past six months,

I slept on his futon.

I even had to babysit his girlfriend's mangy kids!

Those are bad kids.

And the only pool I went to, his kids came,

and one of them even bit me on the back of my leg!

There was no partying.

There was no waterslides.

There wasn't even any hams.

Are you serious, bro?

Not one.

I've made a lot of mistakes,

but the biggest... was lying to you guys.

I just wanted a bigger life,

but I belong here!

I love you guys!

Old bullshitting Paul, he's dead!

Which is good, because we can go back to the way things were

before I started lying to everybody! Right?

Mn'ehh!

Rose, Agnes, Jo: Mn'ehh!

Nailed it, Brady.

Sorry. I got tired of waiting in Dean's truck.

Are those North Store sandwiches?

You know what? I'm glad you're back.

- Thanks, sis. - Yeah.

I forgot how fun it is to watch you fuck up.

(laughing)

Have a sandwich?

This is Laughingstick in the evening,

and I hope you're settling in for a long night of--

Holy mother of shit!

A black bear just walked by my window.

Whoa. Never mind.

False alarm. It's just a dog.

My eyes must be going.

You know what?

If you ever thought you saw a bear

but it was actually a dog,

give us a call and tell us about it.

Lines are open.

(phone ringing)

Go ahead. You're on the air.

Lips: Oh, hey, Roger.

I thought I was raising a dog once.

Turns out I was raising a bear cub.

It tried to rip my arm off.

Does that count?

Roger: Hmm.

("Close As She Wants Me" by Pima Express plays)

♪ Yes I can love you baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ I could give you everything ♪

♪ That you want ♪

♪ Just look into my eyes ♪

♪ And you can see my love ♪

♪ Yes I can love you baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪