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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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ANNOUNCER: Please welcome
Erik Terrell.
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
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Yeah, you know.
Let them know
I sold the tickets.
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00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:39,430
-Okay?
-[ALL LAUGHING]
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00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:42,433
And the people that don't
know me are clapping
'cause Brian's off stage.
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00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,653
[ALL LAUGHING]
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00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:49,397
Don't invite
your co-workers
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00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,921
when you open,
you can't...[CHUCKLES]
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00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:55,055
'Cause they're gonna be
like, "You were good,
but those other guys..."
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00:00:57,274 --> 00:01:02,497
Um, so, who here has,
like, degrees?
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00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:04,847
Like education, where are
the educated people here?
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00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,849
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
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00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:09,069
[WHISTLES]
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00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,163
Y'all don't have degrees?
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00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,208
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:23,605
Y'all don't
have... degrees?
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00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:25,346
I always like
to start up a fight now.
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00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,130
How many White people
I am better than?
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00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:30,046
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,527
Quite a few
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00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:35,399
in Center City.
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00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:38,707
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
Um, I'm Black. I...
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00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:48,195
You know, I've heard
people say weird things
about my culture.
26
00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:52,155
I've heard people say,
you know, Black people,
we got exclusive shit.
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00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,766
Like we got
our own TV stations,
magazines, dating websites.
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00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:57,639
Blackpeoplemeet.com.
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00:01:58,857 --> 00:02:01,077
I like blackpeoplemeet.com.
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00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:04,036
I met my dad
on blackpeoplemeet.com.
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00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:06,996
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:18,877
I'm just saying,
it really will start a family,
you know what I mean?
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00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:22,359
No, I'm joking.
Great man. Great man.
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00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:27,625
My life is cute right now.
I'm engaged, which is cute.
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00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:31,455
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
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00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:35,677
Life... Life has
never been cuter.
It's as cute as it gets.
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00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:38,941
Non-stop cuteness,
all day, every day.
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00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:43,250
Cute. It's adorable, my life.
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00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:46,383
I tell you, my fiancee,
she fell me at a weird place.
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00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:49,821
She fell me where I was
just dating people.
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00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:54,870
Like, I just dated 'em.
Big women, broke women
women, I just dated them.
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00:02:55,044 --> 00:02:57,786
As so long as you didn't have
something ugly on you.
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00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,050
-Like a penis.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:07,622
An Adam's apple or a mustache.
Then we're good, you know?
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00:03:07,796 --> 00:03:09,928
I dated. I dated
women with kids.
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00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:11,713
I dated women with kids.
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00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:14,672
As long as your kids
aren't smarter than you.
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00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:18,067
I dated this one girl,
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00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,721
She said,
"I have a huge family.
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00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,375
"I got two childs."
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00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:23,507
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:31,950
-No, you don't.[LAUGHS]
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:33,604
She said, "But we
have to be careful.
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00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:35,345
"I don't want
no more childs."
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00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:36,651
I said, "You ain't
gotta worry about that."
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00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:38,392
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
-Got to worry.
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00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,307
I don't know how
to make "Childs."
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00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:41,743
[ALL LAUGH]
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00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,614
[EXCITEDLY]
"Is that an animal?"
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00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,663
And her daughter was there.
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00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:51,927
She said, "Mommy,
I think it's children."
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00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:53,798
She said,
"My baby's so smart."
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00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,235
I said, "No, bitch,
you stupid."
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00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:57,933
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:03:58,107 --> 00:04:00,240
Forgot you're already in, lady.
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00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:07,247
I date 'em. I date 'em.
Dated older women.
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00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,423
-Love older women.
-[WOMAN WHOOPING]
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00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:12,295
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:18,780
I love 'em,
'cause older women
like things that I like.
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00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:22,349
-Like sex.
-[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
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00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:26,701
-Intellectual conversations.
-WOMAN: Yeah.
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00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,442
And get into bed
by eight o'clock.
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00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,531
-Yes!
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
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00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:34,665
Ah, a thing
I love to do!
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00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,276
Younger women, like,
"Take me to Denny's,
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00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:38,190
"let's go to the club,
drop my friend off."
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00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:41,106
-[GRUNTS]
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:46,634
Older woman, like, "Let's have
an intellectual conversation,
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00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:48,723
"screw me. Now let me
finishLaw & Order.
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00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:52,074
-"Get the fuck out."
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
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00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,034
Well, you are welcome, Gladys.
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00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,298
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,780
I've been a good boy.
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00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,873
Older women. You can...
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00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:12,747
You can go out
with an older woman
on a Tuesday.
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00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:16,577
Had a best fucking
Wednesday of your life.
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00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:19,623
I'm at work, changing
the air conditions,
mopping the floors.
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They're like,
"Fuck's wrong with Erik?
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00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,063
-"Like, I think he was
with Gladys last night."
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:27,936
"What happens
when he hangs with Gladys?
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00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:29,633
"Erik's got nine hours
of asleep."
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00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,896
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,121
I've dated old...
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00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:41,166
I've dated old...
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00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,299
Yeah. I mean, like,
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00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:47,303
younger woman hang
at Denny's at 3 a.m.
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00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:49,218
Looking at
a fucking omelette.
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00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:50,828
She's like,
"What you want to eat?
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"I can't eat by myself.
What you want to eat?"
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00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:54,963
"Bitch. Pussy, okay?"
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00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:57,444
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:59,489
Fuck, you think I've got
an appetite at 4... At 3 a.m.?
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You... Move the omelet,
use sit.
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00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:07,323
-[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
-[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]
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"Gladys would have had it
in my face by now."
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00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,389
Yeah, I've dated old.
I've dated old.
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00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,000
I've dated old.
I like a titty
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00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:33,305
I could just drape
around my shoulder.
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00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,960
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
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00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,268
Like a snake.
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00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:44,926
It's like having
two girlfriends
at one time.
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00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,973
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,454
Like a neck pillow.
[LAUGHS AND SNIFFLES]
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00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:53,587
Aw!
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00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:57,373
Oh... Oh, my God.
You guys all right?
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00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,201
-WOMAN: Yeah.
-All right.
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00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,769
I don't want to mortify
the kind White people up front.
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00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:05,686
You guys...
You guys are cute.
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00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:11,605
Oh, man, I, um...
Anybody like God?
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00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:14,651
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
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00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:16,479
Yeah. He's a cool dude.
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00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,351
So am I.
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00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,310
You know, you don't like Him,
you love Him.
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00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,573
You either love Him
or you going to hell.
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00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:26,620
That's how I feel
about it.[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
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00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:30,667
I love...
Yeah, I'm at a point
where I love God.
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00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:33,975
One thing we can fix
is church. Right?
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00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,890
Now, I'm there every week.
Got to be there,
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00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:39,110
because I love God.
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00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:42,897
Now, there's rules
that people don't follow.
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00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,986
That's what bothers me
at churches.
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00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,685
Unwritten rules
to like praising God
in church,
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00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,426
and some people
don't know the rules.
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00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,386
Like, one rule is
you can't speak in tongues
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00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,780
if you're not bilingual.
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00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:00,349
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,177
This is one lady
in my church.
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00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:03,570
As soon as the pastor
gets hyped,
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00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:05,136
she's gotta get hyped.
140
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:07,878
She's like, "Yes, God!
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00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,055
"Hallelujah!"
142
00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:14,015
Mama-say-mama-sah-
ma-ma-coo-sah.
143
00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,191
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
144
00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:20,630
Oh,Shimola.
145
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,073
One day the pastor said,
"Is God coming back?"
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00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:31,511
[LOUDLY] I said, "Is God
coming back to you?"
147
00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:33,295
She said, "Yeah!
148
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:35,863
"He's coming in a Honda."
149
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,387
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
150
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:41,999
"Oh, Lord is coming
in a Cadillac Escalade."
151
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:45,437
I said, "Pastor,
she likes nice cars.
I can understand."
152
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,701
She's faking it, Pastor.
153
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:53,402
One day she brought
her 400-pound daughter
to church.
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00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:55,622
This baby weighs
400-pounds in church.
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00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,667
Speaking in tongues like Mom.
156
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:58,712
She said, I think
I wanna order
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00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:00,191
a cheesesteak, Lord.
158
00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:03,586
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
159
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:07,503
Lord, I think I wanna order
a cheesesteak, ketchup,
easy on the mayo, God.
160
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:09,723
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
161
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:15,119
-Easy on the mayo, Lord!
-[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]
162
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:20,734
Easy on the mayo!
163
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,693
I said, "Pastor,
she likes dry sandwiches.
I can understand."
164
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:26,696
She's faking it, Pastor.
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00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:32,136
No. Church is...
Church is actually really fun.
166
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,356
My mom did that to me.
167
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:37,968
[SIGHS] You know, my mom,
she's Black.
168
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:40,057
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
169
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,885
In case, there was
any speculation.
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00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:49,110
And she's a really...
She did parenting well,
I think.[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
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00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,503
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:54,768
I mean, I think White parents,
White mothers especially,
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00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:57,422
they took really good...
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00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:02,732
Take a good, hard,
interventional,
good television,
175
00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:06,954
good Dr. Phil approach
to raising their kids.
176
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:11,262
-My mama took more
of a Muhammad Ali...
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
177
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,264
...technique.
178
00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:16,224
Punch first,
ask questions later.
179
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,618
[LOUDLY] Like "Hey, where you
been all day?
180
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:21,055
"Where you been?
181
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,492
"Got me looking for you,
where you been?"
182
00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:27,714
"Oh, you coming
from the kitchen?
Mama, sorry."
183
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,541
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
184
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,369
"Be a tough boy."
185
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:38,028
Like, "Be a tough boy,"
is that gonna heal
my black eye?
186
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:45,383
My mom act just like...
Fuck that, my mama
is Muhammad Ali, okay?
187
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:50,301
'Cause I found her
in the kitchen one day
dancing and talking trash.
188
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,303
She said,
"Cry like a little girl,
run like a slave.
189
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,349
"But when I catch that ass,
well, you'll gonna behave."
190
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,743
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
191
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,919
[IMPERCEPTIBLE]
192
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:05,360
Oh, man, I love my family.
193
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:08,842
I got a great, great uncle.
Let me tell you something
about my uncle.
194
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:11,409
I have a great uncle,
my Uncle Fred.
195
00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:16,893
My Uncle Fred, doesn't know
the meaning of the word "Loud."
196
00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:20,505
We're at my brother's
basketball game,
197
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,855
my Uncle Fred's like,
198
00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:23,508
"Defense! Hands up!
199
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,162
"Slide your feet!
Defense! Hands up!"
200
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:28,035
I'm like, "Uncle Fred.
Stop. It's halftime."
201
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,344
And Uncle Fred's the same way
when he, like, praises God.
202
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:35,085
He's like, "Thank you, God!
I knew you'd do it!
203
00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:36,913
"You did it, God!
I love you, God!"
204
00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:38,828
I'm like, "Uncle Fred, stop!
It's still halftime."
205
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,525
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
206
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,919
"God didn't do it yet,
God's working on it."
207
00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:47,663
And my Uncle Fred
gives the best advice.
208
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:50,535
You know, that's...
an uncle thing.
209
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,713
and his advice,
though, just...
210
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:57,151
It starts off
really insightful
211
00:11:57,325 --> 00:12:01,024
-and it ends really bizarre.
-[AUDIENCE CHUCKLES]
212
00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:04,027
I'm leaving my uncle's house,
I promise this happened, okay?
213
00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:07,248
I'm leaving my uncle's house
and my uncle's like,
214
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:11,818
"Nephew... when you find you
215
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,429
"a good woman, Nephew.
216
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:17,388
"Nephew, when you're courting
217
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:21,262
"this lady... nephew.
218
00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:26,746
"Nephew, when you take
this woman home, Nephew.
219
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,184
"Nephew... when you take
this woman
220
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:33,622
"to your room, Nephew!
221
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:37,408
"Nephew, when you're
stroking that beast!"
222
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,106
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
223
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,892
"Nephew... put
a stroke in for me."
224
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:45,286
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
225
00:12:57,472 --> 00:13:00,431
"How did you make me
listen to that, Uncle Fred?"
226
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:01,911
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
227
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:06,220
The worst. God.
228
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:10,006
You know,
I tell you this.
229
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:12,748
I'm really...
I'm really Black.
230
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:15,446
I have a lot of
Black pride. I do.
231
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:18,406
Like, I overflow
with Black pride,
you know?
232
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:21,539
I'm like... One day I had
so much Black pride,
233
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,019
I walked into Staples,
234
00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:24,804
"Like, I want
some black paper."
235
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:26,936
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
236
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,335
He's like, "We don't.
237
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:36,816
"Why...
238
00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:40,950
"...would we have
239
00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,691
"black paper?"
240
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:44,649
I said, "Why not?"
241
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,826
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
242
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:51,961
He said, "Because
you wouldn't see
what you wrote."
243
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,009
I said, "Why don't you all
have white pens?"
244
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,186
"Because we don't have
black paper."
245
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,841
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
246
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:03,712
I said, "See,
that's the problem.
247
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:06,106
"See, why you got these
black pens doing all the work,
248
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,934
while the white paper
gets all the love
and I'm sick of this shit?
249
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,371
-I just snapped.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
250
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,244
I said, "That's the reason
black ink got no paper,
251
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:15,898
"''cause y'all got black
working too hard
252
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:17,421
"for the white paper!"
253
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:19,641
-I lost my mind.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
254
00:14:22,774 --> 00:14:25,081
And then I just backed out
of the store like black paper.
255
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:27,475
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
256
00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:37,920
The guy at Staples,
he actually felt bad.
257
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,356
He stopped me
when I was leaving.
258
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:40,923
He's still wanted
to make a sale.
259
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,143
He's like, "Hey, wait.
260
00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:46,146
"All our staplers are black."
261
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,453
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
262
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:52,413
-"And they shoot very well."
-I said, "Too far, sir!
263
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,372
"That's too far."
264
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:56,634
His manager jumped
out of nowhere like,
265
00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:57,897
"We got colored pencils."
266
00:14:58,071 --> 00:14:59,681
"Too far!
267
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:03,293
"It's too far.
Never coming back."
268
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:10,561
No. Black is awesome,
I'll tell you... I'll tell you
269
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,999
an interesting thing.
You know, the average
Black person
270
00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:15,392
doesn't give a shit about
regular American history.
271
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:17,873
You ever noticed that?
272
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:21,442
Like, ask the White person
"What's your favorite
part of history?"
273
00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:23,357
And they tell you, "You know,
when Thomas Jefferson
274
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:25,707
"signed the peace assembly
and the colonies united."
275
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,799
Ask a Black person,
"What's your favorite
part of history?"
276
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,757
"Fuck, you think
is my favorite part."
277
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,064
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
278
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,288
The Abe Lincoln part.
279
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,072
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
280
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,770
[PERSON COUGHS]
281
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,772
You know, you're talking
to an ignorant ass White person
282
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,905
when they're like,
"Yeah, what part was that?"
283
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:53,561
And they know they're talking
to an ignorant ass Black person
284
00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:55,128
when he's like,
285
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:56,956
"I don't know!"[CHUCKLES]
286
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,610
Signed emancipation,
emaculation. You remember?
287
00:16:00,785 --> 00:16:02,439
Rode the horses and shit.
288
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,615
You sawSelma.
289
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,966
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
290
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,976
Oh, man. You guys are cute.
291
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,543
You guys...
292
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:23,504
So... I'm in a doubt now.
293
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:28,813
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
-Yeah.
294
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:32,687
A round of applause for me
for... For aging.
295
00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:35,168
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
296
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,083
So, I'm not
making new friends.
297
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:40,216
That's a thing that happens
when you become that.
298
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,958
You know, it's just...
It's just harder, you know?
299
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:46,092
The older you get,
the harder it is
to make friends.
300
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:49,573
Like, when you're a kid,
you make new friends
every day.
301
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,358
You wouldn't even need
to know their name.
302
00:16:51,532 --> 00:16:53,055
You're just like,
"I'm a kid, you're a kid,
303
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:54,665
"catch this fucking ball."
304
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,017
You get older,
you got to work at it.
305
00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:00,758
Friends like teeth.
306
00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:03,457
'Cause you lose a lot
when you're young,
307
00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:06,155
but you make
a lot of new ones.
308
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,418
But when you lose
your adult ones,
they don't come back.
309
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,507
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
310
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:11,943
You just got to work
311
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,424
on the ones you got.
312
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:16,992
And eventually you lose
so much time and money,
313
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:19,299
you let 'em fall out...
Like, "Fuck it, I'll get
some fake ones."
314
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:21,736
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
315
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,564
Just some fake ones.
316
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,522
Just pretty enough to take out
and show to people.
317
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,917
As long as
you don't sleep well.
318
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,833
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
319
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,879
[APPLAUDING]
320
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:42,452
I miss being a kid.
321
00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,411
I miss doing things
that I could do
when I was a kid.
322
00:17:45,194 --> 00:17:47,718
Like... running around.
323
00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:51,287
For no fucking reason,
324
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,768
bumping into shit.
325
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:57,250
When you're an adult,
you got to play sports
or take a job to run around.
326
00:17:57,424 --> 00:18:00,383
You can't just... do it.
327
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:04,126
Like I can't just step
in the post office
328
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,432
and take off.
329
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:07,608
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
330
00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:12,352
Like, "What's wrong with you?"
"I like stamps."
331
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,313
[GRUNTS] I could do that
for 30 minutes
332
00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:18,401
when I was a kid.
333
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:22,188
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
334
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:25,452
My dad's like,
"Look at the boy
having fun."
335
00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:27,454
My mom's like "No, I think
he's fucking retarded."
336
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:30,674
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
337
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:33,764
That's what we were.
It's just freaking...
338
00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:35,549
'Cause these days
everybody's got
a diagnosis.
339
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,855
They're like, he's got ADD,
she's got ADHD.
340
00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:41,903
Back then, they're like
"Erik... is fucking retarded."
341
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:44,079
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
342
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,562
"No ADD?"
"No, he's got that FR."
343
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,825
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
344
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:57,832
"How we gonna explain
to his mother that
he's got FR?"
345
00:18:58,006 --> 00:19:01,314
"She says she knows.
He bounced around
over stamps for 30 minutes."
346
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:05,405
I wish that shit was out
when I was a kid.
347
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,669
I wish I could come home
with a diagnosis.
348
00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:11,976
I come home with a C in math,
like, "Mom, I got ADD."
349
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:16,024
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
350
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,591
She's like,
"No, you dumb motherfucker.
351
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,767
"You can't add.
That's the problem."
352
00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,638
Like, "No, I got ADD."
"What is ADD?"
353
00:19:21,812 --> 00:19:23,684
""ADD. They said ADD."
354
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:27,209
She like, "I got a B-E-L-T."
I'm like, "I lost it. No.
355
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,516
"I don't have it anymore.
I felt it leave."
356
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:33,911
Whatever.[CLICKS TONGUE]
357
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:36,392
I'm trying, guys,
you know.
358
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:37,872
You know what
I'm trying to do most?
359
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:40,091
I'm trying
to be a real adult.
360
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:44,357
I'm trying to be
like a real adult.
361
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:47,011
You know, there's two kinds
of people in this world.
362
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:50,711
There's two-job people
and one-job people.
363
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:54,323
I fucking hate
one-job people.
364
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:56,195
But not people
who cry every night,
365
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,848
eat ramen noodles for dinner,
sleep on the subway.
366
00:19:58,022 --> 00:19:59,285
Those are real Americans.
367
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:02,070
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
368
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,898
But I don't like people
who have one job
369
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,292
and like their one job.
370
00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:08,598
I hate 'em,
'cause I'm jealous.
371
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:11,862
I hate, like, you...
You can...
372
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:14,038
You know, you got
your salaries
and your benefits.
373
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,302
You could decide
when you want
to take a nap.
374
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,480
'Cause us two-job people
gotta stick our neck
right in that window
375
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:22,438
from 4:00 to 6:00,
376
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:25,963
and if we wake up,
eat, cry and leave.[CHUCKLES]
377
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:29,750
Two-job life,
'cause you know, I have...
378
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:32,492
I have...
I love this job.
379
00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:35,277
Comedy fills my heart.
380
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:38,541
But I have another job
that fills my stomach.
381
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:40,761
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
382
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,459
'Cause I need food.
383
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:49,030
'Cause if I just
fed my stomach,
I'd have a sad heart.
384
00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:52,729
But if I just fed my heart,
then it would stop.
385
00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:54,905
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
386
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,821
'Cause I need food.
387
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,434
Ah, one-job people, man.
388
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:03,827
You just don't understand.
389
00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:06,743
The two-job life...
Look, two-job people
are real Americans.
390
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:10,530
And we're really Americans,
'cause we are fucking tired.
391
00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,402
All day.
392
00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:18,494
You wake up fucking tired.
393
00:21:18,668 --> 00:21:21,541
You going to work
fucking tired.
394
00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:24,631
You get to work
fucking tired.
395
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:28,069
You go back home
fucking tired
396
00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:30,027
and you take a nap,
397
00:21:30,201 --> 00:21:31,899
and you're ready to go.
398
00:21:32,073 --> 00:21:33,770
For the first time all day,
you're ready to go.
399
00:21:33,944 --> 00:21:35,772
You're so ready to go
that you've got to go.
400
00:21:35,946 --> 00:21:37,861
And where do you go?
Back to fucking work!
401
00:21:38,035 --> 00:21:40,037
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
402
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,650
And you're fucking tired
all night
403
00:21:43,824 --> 00:21:46,914
and you going back home
fucking tired
404
00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:50,352
and you get home
and you're fucking tired
405
00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:52,702
all week, and it's Friday,
406
00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:55,183
and you get to the bar
and you've got to get drunk,
407
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:56,967
'cause you deserve it.
408
00:21:57,794 --> 00:21:59,709
You know what happens?
409
00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:02,538
When you mix all that alcohol
with all that fucking tired?
410
00:22:02,712 --> 00:22:07,195
-You fucking pass out.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
411
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:11,460
And then you sleep all weekend
and you wake up Monday
fucking tired.
412
00:22:11,634 --> 00:22:13,593
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
413
00:22:15,246 --> 00:22:17,248
It's real Americans.
414
00:22:19,642 --> 00:22:21,078
People with one job...
415
00:22:21,252 --> 00:22:22,819
People with one job,
got shit like
416
00:22:22,993 --> 00:22:24,865
time on their hands.
417
00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:27,128
"Like, I think I'm gonna do
swimming on Tuesdays."
418
00:22:27,302 --> 00:22:28,651
"I hope you fucking drown..."
419
00:22:28,825 --> 00:22:30,653
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
420
00:22:33,177 --> 00:22:35,832
"...so, I can apply
for your position."
421
00:22:47,714 --> 00:22:50,412
No. I love it.[CHUCKLES]
422
00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:55,765
[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]
423
00:22:56,723 --> 00:22:58,377
I'll tell you one thing I hate.
424
00:22:58,551 --> 00:23:00,683
Uh, and this is it,
and the hate part is over.
425
00:23:00,857 --> 00:23:02,990
Like this...
426
00:23:03,164 --> 00:23:06,080
Just one more, like,
this is something
that I truly hate.
427
00:23:07,211 --> 00:23:09,866
I hate bugs.
428
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,782
-I hate bugs. Is this
an insect hating room?
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
429
00:23:12,956 --> 00:23:14,915
I could feel
the insect hate.
430
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,267
I hate bugs.
You know what?
431
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:21,530
Because bugs are cowards.
You jump up on them
and they run away.
432
00:23:21,704 --> 00:23:24,185
-Like, "Oh, my God,
who was that?"
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
433
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:25,316
"Where are the cracks
in the wall?
434
00:23:25,491 --> 00:23:26,709
"I don't have eyes.
435
00:23:26,883 --> 00:23:28,842
"I can't... Why's he up?"
436
00:23:31,192 --> 00:23:33,977
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
437
00:23:34,151 --> 00:23:36,937
All bugs are cowards,
except for one.
438
00:23:37,111 --> 00:23:39,592
And you know
who I'm talking about.
439
00:23:39,766 --> 00:23:41,550
I'm talking about
this praying mantis.
440
00:23:41,724 --> 00:23:43,422
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]
441
00:23:44,684 --> 00:23:46,773
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
442
00:23:46,947 --> 00:23:49,993
Because, you know,
when you get home
from work, right?
443
00:23:50,167 --> 00:23:52,561
Um, when you get home
from work,
444
00:23:52,735 --> 00:23:55,651
like, all you want to do
is just go in the house
and sit down, right?
445
00:23:55,825 --> 00:23:57,697
I get home from work
this one day
446
00:23:57,871 --> 00:23:59,525
and go up my steps
447
00:23:59,699 --> 00:24:03,485
and this praying mantis
was on my door knob.
448
00:24:03,659 --> 00:24:05,182
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]
449
00:24:06,749 --> 00:24:08,447
I don't know what to do.
450
00:24:08,621 --> 00:24:10,927
So, I, you know...
451
00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:13,277
And this is why
praying mantises
are fucking gangsta,
452
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:16,063
because they have eyes.
They can see you.
453
00:24:16,237 --> 00:24:18,282
But he doesn't
give a damn. He's...
454
00:24:29,946 --> 00:24:32,993
Now, this is how
this praying mantis
455
00:24:33,167 --> 00:24:35,386
scared the shit out of me.
456
00:24:35,561 --> 00:24:37,084
'Cause I started...
457
00:24:37,258 --> 00:24:39,173
I started moving my hand
back and forth,
458
00:24:39,347 --> 00:24:41,262
trying to communicate
459
00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:43,612
that this is my house,
460
00:24:43,786 --> 00:24:47,137
and this is how
he communicated
back to me,
461
00:24:47,311 --> 00:24:50,837
that you need to
back your black ass up.
This is what he did.
462
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,151
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
463
00:25:01,325 --> 00:25:03,589
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
464
00:25:15,383 --> 00:25:16,993
I said, "I'ma use
the back door,
it's too stressful.
465
00:25:17,167 --> 00:25:19,082
"It's too stressful."
466
00:25:19,256 --> 00:25:20,562
[GRUNTS]
467
00:25:24,305 --> 00:25:25,785
It's the worst.
468
00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:27,743
I'm trying. I can't be
a real adult if I try.
469
00:25:27,917 --> 00:25:29,005
I can't.[CHUCKLES]
470
00:25:29,179 --> 00:25:31,051
I can't do it.
471
00:25:31,225 --> 00:25:33,706
So, another way
I'm trying to be
a real adult
472
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,273
is right is,
I'm working out again, right?
473
00:25:36,447 --> 00:25:37,840
You can't tell, yet.
474
00:25:38,014 --> 00:25:39,886
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
475
00:25:40,060 --> 00:25:41,452
Trust the process. Right?
476
00:25:41,627 --> 00:25:44,586
-[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]
-I'm working out.
477
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:49,722
And... I want a gay
personal trainer.
478
00:25:51,245 --> 00:25:53,116
I said it, all right?
479
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:56,380
Yeah, I'm working out again
and my new personal trainer,
480
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,818
my new personal trainer
really pumps me up.
481
00:25:58,992 --> 00:26:00,384
You know,
the straight trainers
don't put me up
482
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,212
like the gay ones.
483
00:26:02,386 --> 00:26:04,867
Um, you know, and so, like,
my trainer is excited.
484
00:26:05,041 --> 00:26:07,522
As soon as I take
my shirt off, he's like,
"Hey, Erik."
485
00:26:07,696 --> 00:26:10,525
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
486
00:26:16,270 --> 00:26:19,534
"You gonna
work out today,
ain't you?"
487
00:26:19,708 --> 00:26:22,493
He's like, "Yeah, Daddy.
Yeah. Do that shit. Do that."
488
00:26:22,668 --> 00:26:23,973
He does a split
right in front of me,
489
00:26:24,147 --> 00:26:25,235
catches my sweat
with his tongue.
490
00:26:25,409 --> 00:26:28,412
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
491
00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:30,676
"Yeah, do that shit,
do that shit.
492
00:26:30,850 --> 00:26:32,721
"Come on, do that shit.
"Bring your butt up,
arch your back."
493
00:26:32,895 --> 00:26:35,550
-I'm like, "Wait a second."
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
494
00:26:37,291 --> 00:26:38,858
"I think our session is over."
495
00:26:40,381 --> 00:26:41,382
He's like, "Why, Daddy?"
496
00:26:41,556 --> 00:26:42,862
"Because your dick is out."
497
00:26:43,036 --> 00:26:44,994
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
498
00:26:45,168 --> 00:26:47,170
"I don't wanna lift that."
499
00:26:53,046 --> 00:26:54,656
And my friends are like,
"Man, you need
500
00:26:54,830 --> 00:26:56,658
"a straight trainer,
'cause they hard on you."
501
00:26:56,832 --> 00:26:58,965
I'm like, "Yeah, my trainer
got pretty hard on me, too."
502
00:26:59,139 --> 00:27:02,229
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
503
00:27:02,403 --> 00:27:06,363
You should have saw it.
It was a sight to see.
504
00:27:08,365 --> 00:27:09,802
I'm trying.
505
00:27:09,976 --> 00:27:11,673
I'm trying.
506
00:27:11,847 --> 00:27:14,502
I'm trying to be a real adult,
'cause, you know,
507
00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:16,809
I'm from Philly, man.
From Philly.
508
00:27:16,983 --> 00:27:19,202
-MAN: Yeah.
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
509
00:27:19,376 --> 00:27:21,291
That's right.
I'm from Philly.
510
00:27:21,465 --> 00:27:25,078
The thing is,
that some people in Philly
are too tough.
511
00:27:25,252 --> 00:27:28,255
Now, you gotta be tough
as an adult human being,
512
00:27:28,429 --> 00:27:31,301
but you don't
have to be too tough.
513
00:27:31,475 --> 00:27:33,564
Now, I was walking down
this one street in Philly.
514
00:27:33,739 --> 00:27:37,220
This dude said,
"Man, I was born in jail."
515
00:27:37,394 --> 00:27:39,658
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
516
00:27:42,704 --> 00:27:46,055
I said, "Well, you must
have been a badass fetus."
517
00:27:46,229 --> 00:27:48,275
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
518
00:27:48,449 --> 00:27:51,670
He said, "Nah, man.
I wasn't arrested
in the womb."
519
00:27:51,844 --> 00:27:55,369
He's like, he actually thought
I believed that.
520
00:27:55,543 --> 00:27:58,415
"But my mom got arrested
and then gave birth to me."
521
00:27:58,589 --> 00:28:01,767
I said, "Even more of a reason
to leave your scary ass alone.
522
00:28:01,941 --> 00:28:03,159
"Did your mom sell
wheat for Pampers?
523
00:28:03,333 --> 00:28:06,467
"That's a Philly-ass family."
524
00:28:06,641 --> 00:28:09,731
-I'm trying to be tough.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
525
00:28:09,905 --> 00:28:12,125
I'm trying to be tough, man.
I'm trying to be tough.
526
00:28:12,299 --> 00:28:14,388
My friends don't even
want to work out with me
at the gym,
527
00:28:14,562 --> 00:28:17,260
'cause they say
I do kid workouts,
528
00:28:17,434 --> 00:28:19,088
but fuck that.
529
00:28:19,262 --> 00:28:20,786
Okay? 'Cause I get
to the gym hyped.
530
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,875
Like, I get to the...
Like, I galvanize
531
00:28:23,049 --> 00:28:24,833
everybody in the room.
532
00:28:25,007 --> 00:28:27,096
I get to the gym hyped,
like, "Yo, let's go, fellas!
533
00:28:27,270 --> 00:28:29,055
"Let's do this shit.
I'm here, bitch!
534
00:28:29,229 --> 00:28:31,318
"Let's do this shit.
Everybody behind me!
535
00:28:31,492 --> 00:28:33,233
"Let's go."[EXCLAIMS]
536
00:28:35,409 --> 00:28:37,628
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
537
00:28:40,544 --> 00:28:43,939
You're not tough
when you head moves
when you do jumping jacks.
538
00:28:44,113 --> 00:28:46,681
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
539
00:28:49,118 --> 00:28:50,467
"Let's go, bitches!
On the floor!
540
00:28:50,641 --> 00:28:51,730
"Let's do this shit.
541
00:28:51,904 --> 00:28:53,427
"Whoo!"
542
00:28:53,601 --> 00:28:57,257
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
543
00:28:57,431 --> 00:29:00,434
It's butterflies for
the people in the back.
It's butterflies.
544
00:29:02,871 --> 00:29:04,830
I'm trying to be tough.
I'm trying to be tough.
545
00:29:05,004 --> 00:29:08,007
The biggest thing is
that I just wanna,
I just wanna
546
00:29:08,181 --> 00:29:12,228
know I can handle
all of my altercations.
547
00:29:12,402 --> 00:29:15,449
Like, I still have
to think my way out
of some situations,
548
00:29:15,623 --> 00:29:17,625
and that's getting old, okay?
549
00:29:17,799 --> 00:29:21,150
See, I'm at the club
this other night
and this dude,
550
00:29:21,324 --> 00:29:23,283
this dude just bumped me.
551
00:29:23,457 --> 00:29:25,546
He just bumped me,
he's like, bam,
552
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,330
and he keeps walking.
It wasn't hard bump,
but I'm skinny,
553
00:29:27,504 --> 00:29:28,854
so I got off balance,
I was like, "What happened?"
554
00:29:29,028 --> 00:29:31,030
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
555
00:29:32,945 --> 00:29:34,642
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
556
00:29:34,816 --> 00:29:37,340
Now normally, I would say
something to this man.
557
00:29:37,514 --> 00:29:40,343
Like, "Listen... bitch.
558
00:29:41,692 --> 00:29:43,390
"That right there,
that is not
559
00:29:43,564 --> 00:29:44,783
"why I should have been
standing up to you at the time.
560
00:29:44,957 --> 00:29:47,220
-"I apologize."
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
561
00:29:47,394 --> 00:29:49,439
"Let me know how
to make it up to you.
I'll take you out to eat,
562
00:29:49,613 --> 00:29:51,485
"take your mama shopping,
make it a family trip.
I don't know."
563
00:29:51,659 --> 00:29:53,313
That's what I would
normally say.
564
00:29:53,487 --> 00:29:55,619
But there's alcohol
in my system,
565
00:29:55,794 --> 00:29:57,143
there's people around.
566
00:29:57,317 --> 00:30:00,015
So I pushed.
I was like, "Bitch!"
567
00:30:00,189 --> 00:30:02,670
It was a real
skinny push, full body.
568
00:30:02,844 --> 00:30:04,063
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
569
00:30:04,237 --> 00:30:05,978
Like, I was tired
570
00:30:06,152 --> 00:30:07,283
after I pushed him.
571
00:30:07,457 --> 00:30:09,198
I was like, "Bitch!
572
00:30:09,372 --> 00:30:13,028
"Is the bar selling Gatorade?
This is ridiculous."
573
00:30:13,202 --> 00:30:15,204
I push him,
he falls back
in my mind.
574
00:30:15,378 --> 00:30:18,729
-And when he gets up...
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
575
00:30:18,904 --> 00:30:21,602
As the Bible says,
"As a man thinketh,
it shall be" or something.
576
00:30:21,776 --> 00:30:23,386
So he falls back.
577
00:30:24,083 --> 00:30:25,606
And he gets up.
578
00:30:25,780 --> 00:30:26,955
He's like, "Let's go!"
579
00:30:28,304 --> 00:30:31,917
So, you know,
there's alcohol, people.
580
00:30:32,091 --> 00:30:34,397
I said, "Let's go."
581
00:30:34,571 --> 00:30:38,314
Now, right here
is we're not being tough
proposes a problem.
582
00:30:38,488 --> 00:30:40,055
I'm thinking, "How do I get
my bitch ass home?"
583
00:30:40,229 --> 00:30:42,144
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
-Right?
584
00:30:42,318 --> 00:30:44,103
But he's getting excited.
I had to think.
585
00:30:44,277 --> 00:30:45,626
He said, "I'm about to
jack you up!"
586
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:46,975
I said, "Jack me up,
Big Daddy."
587
00:30:47,149 --> 00:30:48,542
-[CHUCKLES]
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
588
00:30:48,716 --> 00:30:51,327
Jack me up!
589
00:30:51,501 --> 00:30:53,939
Jack me up!
590
00:30:54,113 --> 00:30:55,854
Jack me up, Boubou.
591
00:30:56,855 --> 00:30:59,466
-Go ahead.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
592
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,337
You can jack me up all night.
593
00:31:03,731 --> 00:31:06,647
Because I used
what my trainer taught me.
594
00:31:06,821 --> 00:31:10,477
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
-Thank you all so much.
595
00:31:10,651 --> 00:31:13,045
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
596
00:31:16,526 --> 00:31:18,702
Erik Terrell everyone,
obviously!
597
00:31:20,008 --> 00:31:21,836
Holy shit.
42328
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