Original subtitles

(birds singing)

I'm worried about Paul's Christmas spirit.

It's his big day. You'll get used to it.

He's overdoing it.

Paul? Why,

I recognize that name from the nice list.

Ho ho ho!

Would you drop the act already?

Do you mean the Indian Act?

Ho ho ho!

Well, what else is Santa Claus supposed to wear?

Ho, ho, ho.

Well, maybe Santa could stop eating all the cookies

that are supposed to be for the party tonight.

And maybe Santa

could stop leaving the toilet seat up.

I just went in for a dip.

Well, maybe Santa Claus has just been... a little busy.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Too busy to flush his Yule logs?

(both laughing)

Paul: Ma!

♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

Everyone knows that Santa loves bannock and tea

more than milk and cookies.

While we wait for him to touch down,

here's Harvey and the Ho'lehs with their warm festive classic,

"I Saw Mama Greasin' Santa Claus."

(tracker beeping)

(crowd gasping)

Merry Yeah, Man, everybody!

Kids: Merry Yeah, Man!

Paul: Ho, ho, ho!

Kids: Santa Claus!

It's Grouse Lake Santa!

All right, everyone, line up in Santa's village for pictures,

and remember, don't kick him in the nuts.

All right, man, I'm outta here.

Now?

Come on, man, I need your muscle.

You know how crazy these things get.

Oh, man, you'll be all right.

You got your Christmas goblins here.

Don't you remember the riot of 2019?

The elves were the first one to turn.

All right, fine then. She's in charge.

This isn't about your stupid dad thing, man.

You're starting to sound like a little psycho.

He's alive! I know it.

Man, no one could have survived that snowmobile accident.

He was the best snowmobile jumper of all time.

He was, and he sent it.

He sent it to heaven, bro.

You don't know that.

Okay, fine then.

He comes back every year during Christmas

and leaves you a giant garlic coil

by your bed while you sleep.

Okay there, guy!

Hey! You wanna believe that fat fuck Santa story?

I believe my dad's out there.

Dean out!

Ho! Ho!

Who's ready for Santa Claus?

- (kids cheering) - Ho! Ho! Ho!

(kids cheering) Kids: Santa!

You are not spending Christmas Eve alone.

I'm not alone.

Look at all these forms I have to fill out.

Ooh, real festive.

Go be with Chickadee.

I don't know.

She lives at Paul's attachment now.

So what? The smell's gone.

She'll be there with her weird...

(whispering:) ... whispering girlfriend.

Then, just come to the Christmas party at the Lodge.

And see Logan? No thanks.

Fine. Then, I'll stay here with you.

Suit yourself.

(exhaling sharply)

(sighing)

Mmm...

(munching)

Mm. (munching)

(munching)

(coughing)

(sucking teeth)

All right, fine!

I'll go to Chickadee's!

Good thing I brought a backup.

Jo: Where the fuck did you get corn?!

You can't be 12!

Yes, I am, bro.

Damn it! It checks out!

So, what do you want for Christmas, man?

That's easy. I want a power saw, a power bar,

a power nap, power steering,

Power Ranger, Austin Powers--

the first and second one, but not the third.

Man, just watch it on Starz.

Sure, it's an additional cost, but you know what?

You can't put a price on variety.

(tape rewinding)

(engine revving)

Dad: Ho'leh!

(grunting)

Dad! Shake it off, bro!

(door opening)

Lips: Hey, bro.

Agnes wants to know if you're coming to the party.

No, man. I don't want to miss my dad.

Look, I believe in some pretty weird stuff.

Like the moon is an uninhabitable,

circular-shaped planet. But your daddy's dead, bro.

Yeah, so I've been told.

After he crashed, he was medevacked out to the city.

Oh, yeah? So, then,

why does every Christmas, he bring me a garlic coil?

Every year he got me one.

And him and I are the only ones that know about it.

All right, say he's still alive. How are you gonna catch him?

All I gotta do is stay awake.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, man. I've been up for three days.

And tonight, I've had some indica gummies,

turkey sandwich, and...

I got some new-age music.

Dean, I hate to tell you this, but...

(snoring)

(snoring)

Good night... sweet prince.

(sighing contentedly)

- Grab a seat, grab a seat. - How's my little birdie?

Where's your friend?

(whispering:) Hi, Chickadee's mom. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Maybe she should call back later.

I can't just shut her off.

There's literally a power button on that thing.

(whispering:) Should I go?

Huh? What was that?

(whispering:) I said, should I go?

Go. Go...

(whispering:) Does she always whisper like that?

(regular voice:) Oh, I can talk normal.

Why don't we just spend time together, you and I?

It's Christmas.

Mom, you're being rude.

I just think it's weird

that you're spending Christmas with an iPad.

Why?

What's so weird about it?

Things seem tense.

You know, ASMR can be very calming.

(whispering:) Holidays.

Holidays.

Christmas. Christmas.

I... just remembered

I have to do some not-weird stuff.

Merry Christmas, my girl.

(crinkling)

I'm, like, so calm right now.

(crinkling continues)

Oh, my girl!

Hi.

Don't even get me started!

So, I said, "holiday tofu bowls."

(both laughing)

Oh, hey, Jo.

Logan, hi.

Um... How are you doing?

Oh, I'd love to chat, but I'm here with my date.

Oh. Hey, Chief Jo.

Isn't she great? She loves getting gifts.

Oh.

Let's go, honey.

I want to hear some more of your unsolicited health advice.

(Logan chuckling)

(Logan imitating cat, laughing)

Man... So, back to what I was telling you...

Abinoojiiyag

if my radar is correct,

Santa is flying over Grouse Lake as we speak.

Presents will be delivered in every household.

- (tracker beeping) - Wait.

Santa's sleigh looks like it's crashing.

It's going down as we speak! Oh, the humanity!

Breaking news!

Santa's sleigh has been grounded in Grouse Lake!

This is one of the worst catastrophes in the world!

I repeat, Santa's sleigh has been grounded!

(alarm blaring)

You're the best Santa this side of Opipon-apiwin.

Ho ho ho!

- (door opening, closing) - Gramps: Santa's here!

Somebody shot one of his reindeer down!

Santa? For real?

Santa: Ho ho ho! (chuckling)

- Hi, children! - Kids: Santa!

Merry Christmas!

Don't you do it!

This is my day to become Santa Claus.

Whoa, children. Now, who's been naughty?

And if you're just joining us right now,

Santa is grounded right here in Grouse Lake.

And with me right now is Gramps McKay--

an eyewitness first on the scene.

Look, I know there's a lot of

fingers pointing at me right now,

but if I did shoot down Santa's reindeer,

it's because of my treaty rights.

You heard it right here, kids.

Santa is grounded in Grouse Lake.

And without enough pull,

I'm afraid Christmas for all of you in the North

hangs in the balance.

Ahh...

And a special shout-out to all the white kids

who got their presents first. Must be nice.

(Roger clicking tongue)

Not so fast, bro.

Shit! (sighing)

Dean: Dad!

Yeah, man.

Wow!

Is that from the accident?

Yeah, man.

Oh. Watch it!

Whoa, Dad. Are you okay?

You can't see me like this.

No, no, no, Dad! Stay.

Please, I...

I... I have so many questions.

Like...

Like here.

Here's the first one.

Uh, where have you been?

(sighing) Uh, after the crash,

I just couldn't... I couldn't face you.

I was your hero.

You are my hero.

I'm no hero.

I'm some kind of freak.

Look at me.

I'm dripping oil.

I would rather have a dad that's half-snowmobile

than a dad that's full-gone.

Oh, I love you, son.

Uh... (stammering)

You can just put 'er there.

Oh.

You want some more tofu, my date?

Mmm... You know how much I love riboflavin.

Oh, yeah.

Mmm.

Oh, hey Jo. Didn't see you there.

As if.

Are you here on your own or...

No.

I, uh, came with a date.

He's, uh, right here.

Oh, hey, I'm Paul.

- Jo: Eww. Really? - That's so funny.

Jo's brother's name is Paul.

You even look like him, too.

He does not.

He does.

Your date looks just like your brother.

Urgh.

Ooh, lucky girl.

Oh, fuck off.

He's even got the sweater and everything.

(chuckling)

And you would like a toy car?

Consider your request granted.

Hey, kid! Toy cars are nice and all,

but how about I give you a real car? Ho, ho, ho!

Wow, a real car!

Mm-hmm.

Uh, hey, your car keys, cough 'em up!

Come on, I'm Santa Claus! (chuckling)

(chuckling) Why, here you go,

my sweet child.

Ho, ho, ho.

Giving a child an adult-sized car,

that's a little naughty.

Buzzkill.

Ho, ho, ho. Santa needs a little break here

to stretch out his legs.

Yeah, kids. Give Santa a rest,

seeing how he's so old and brittle!

You better back off.

You better back off!

You're nothing but a white man in a red suit.

You're a spoiled little baby who cleans his ass in the sink.

- How did you know about that? - (door opening, closing)

Hey, look everyone. It's my dad.

Holy shit, Dean. You were right.

Come on in, Dad. Santa's here and everything.

Now, make him comfortable. He's been away for a while.

Hey, mister, what's that?

Oh, shit!

Ho'leh.

Dean: Don't look at him like that!

I knew I shouldn't have come here. I knew it!

Nothing but a freak!

Do you want me to hang on to your purse?

No. Why?

Because that's what gentlemen do on first dates.

Jo, can we talk to you?

Uh-huh.

Ooh, that date of yours

does really kind of look like Paul.

Is it weird that I'm kind of jealous?

Is it weird that I want to clip his toenails?

I'm not dating the guy.

I just used him to make Logan jealous.

By dating a guy that looks like Paul.

Okay, guy.

Hey, Jo, can we talk?

Ugh. Look, I'm not really dating that guy, okay?

You happy?

That's what I wanted to say.

Hey, Jo, is this guy bothering you?

No, it's fine.

- Oh, my God, my water broke! - What?! I'll go get Paul!

I'm right here.

No, the other one.

No, but I'm a nurse.

I'd really prefer a doctor.

What's up, Santa?

Isn't it past your bedtime?

Watch it, kid.

No, seriously. You've been 80 my whole life.

Were you born old?

Last warning, buddy.

For real, man, when are you gonna die?

That's it!

I haven't knocked someone out

since I ran into John A. McDonald at a bar in Moncton.

Stephen Harper: Paul! Paul!

Rose is about to have her baby!

- What?! - Yeah!

- Now? - Yeah!

God! Yah!

Coward!

I don't know what to tell you.

The clock is ticking

and Santa's back-up reindeer still hasn't shown up.

We need all the Christmas spirit we can get.

It's not over yet, but time is running out.

Who will be the Christmas hero?

Dad, there you are.

I thought maybe you left again.

Oh, I started to. I got halfway into the bush

before I turned around and came back.

I love you, bro. I mean, bro-Dad.

Hey, look.

One of your old snowmobiles. I saved it.

Oh, that's nice, son.

But the only reason I stayed this time

was to give you a proper goodbye.

No, Dad, no. You can't, not again.

Oh, look, Dean, I love you more than garlic coil,

but this world ain't built for a freak like me.

Oh, that's okay, Dad. It's 2024.

We accept everyone now.

Oh, that's nice, but I gotta go.

Hey, here, why don't you prime me up?

Not too much though. I don't want to flood.

Okay, sure.

Ho'leh. You are alive.

Told you, bro.

We'll get to this later.

Santa's reindeer still hasn't shown up.

If we don't find someone soon,

the kids up north won't get their presents.

Wait, Dad, you can take Santa in your snowmobile.

No way! Last time I got on one of those things,

I let you down.

Yeah, but this time you can let me up.

What?

Yeah.

You can be the hero that I know that you are and save the day.

But how are we going to get that thing in the sky?

I have an idea.

All right, Rose. Give me a deep breath in.

- (inhaling sharply) - And push, okay? Push.

(growling) I am!

I'm right here!

- (grunting) - Oh!

Where were you?

Don't worry about it, babe. Keep going.

Keep pushing.

All right, Rose, you're doing so good.

Give me one more push, okay?

Come on, push, just like we practiced, babe!

- (groaning) - Logan: Almost there.

Now, give me a push.

Wait. Could you guys turn around or something?

- Not you! - Oh. Okay.

(groaning) Okay.

(both straining)

Logan: Come on, come on! You got this!

- (groaning) - Oh!

- (baby crying) - Babe, there it is! You did it!

- (baby crying) - Logan: It's a boy!

Rose: It's a boy!

Okay, Ma, you can turn around now.

Look at your grandson.

A boy.

Little Paultholomew Jr.

Oh, this is the greatest day of my life.

Shut the hell up, Stephen Harper!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Good job, nurse.

You just made me an auntie.

So... what did you want to say to me earlier?

Oh. Just that I...

I lied about my date.

So, you're not with her?

No.

I just wanted you to want me.

Me? You must really like me, eh?

Yeah.

I do.

You're not so bad yourself.

Santa: Ho, ho, ho'leh!

Look, Santa's outside.

And Dean's dad's gonna save Christmas.

Huh?

Come on, Dad, you can do this.

I don't know, son.

(sighing) Okay, if you don't believe me,

then maybe you can believe Santa.

The children of the North are counting on you.

All you have to do is believe.

And when I woke up three days ago,

I didn't think I'd ever see you again.

But I still believed you were alive.

And you know what? I believe in you.

I always have.

And I didn't believe that I would become a father.

What do you say, bro-Dad?

You know what I say?

Yeah, man!

- Yeah! Yes! All right! - (all laughing)

(dogs barking)

(gasping)

- (engine rumbling) - I love you, Dad.

Let's fok'n go, fok!

- (engine revving) - (dogs barking)

Roger: Grouse Lake, Pauingassi, Island Lake,

Poplar River, Tadoule Lake, Opaskwayak,

Chemawawin, Oxford House,

Shamattawa, and Brochet...

Dean Sr.: A merry yeah, man, to all and to all a good night!

And precious!

A little angel.

(whispering:) Aww... He's so cute.

It's a miracle.

He sure is.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I feel great, actually.

Why?

Why? That's a big fucking head, man.

Dada.

Dada?

(woman singing "Silent Night" in Anishinaabemowin)

♪

(woman continues singing "Silent Night" in Anishinaabemowin)