All language subtitles for [SubtitleTools.com] Trump Extorts DOJ for $230M While Gov’t Workers Scramble to Make Ends Meet ｜ The Daily Show [RtSVBbf_khE].en

The shutdown has lasted for over three

The shutdown has lasted for over three
weeks now, which you may not have ever

weeks now, which you may not have ever

weeks now, which you may not have ever
noticed because they keep forcing

noticed because they keep forcing

noticed because they keep forcing
federal employees to come back into work

federal employees to come back into work

federal employees to come back into work
without pay. People like TSA screeners,

without pay. People like TSA screeners,

without pay. People like TSA screeners,
veterans doctors, and most importantly,

veterans doctors, and most importantly,

veterans doctors, and most importantly,
the brave guards who keep the Epstein

the brave guards who keep the Epstein

the brave guards who keep the Epstein
files from being released.

But other federal workers have been

But other federal workers have been
furoughed, which means they don't go to

furoughed, which means they don't go to

furoughed, which means they don't go to
work at all. These jobs are less

work at all. These jobs are less

work at all. These jobs are less
essential and we probably won't even

essential and we probably won't even

essential and we probably won't even
notice they're gone. And remind me um

notice they're gone. And remind me um

notice they're gone. And remind me um
which kind of jobs are furled?

which kind of jobs are furled?

which kind of jobs are furled?
>> Roughly 1,400 employees of the National

>> Roughly 1,400 employees of the National

>> Roughly 1,400 employees of the National
Nuclear Security Administration, which

Nuclear Security Administration, which

Nuclear Security Administration, which
safeguards the country's nuclear

safeguards the country's nuclear

safeguards the country's nuclear
stockpile now on unpaid leave. Only 400

stockpile now on unpaid leave. Only 400

stockpile now on unpaid leave. Only 400
workers remain on the job.

workers remain on the job.

workers remain on the job.
>> Great.

>> Great.

>> Great.
America's nuclear weapons are now

America's nuclear weapons are now

America's nuclear weapons are now
unguarded. That may sound dangerous, but

unguarded. That may sound dangerous, but

unguarded. That may sound dangerous, but
don't be nervous. The nukes have air

don't be nervous. The nukes have air

don't be nervous. The nukes have air
tags on them. So it's

tags on them. So it's

tags on them. So it's
also just to be safe, they put up a sign

also just to be safe, they put up a sign

also just to be safe, they put up a sign
outside the nuclear stockpile, so no

outside the nuclear stockpile, so no

outside the nuclear stockpile, so no
one's going to go in there.

[Applause]

[Applause]
And for those folks and for those folks

And for those folks and for those folks

And for those folks and for those folks
who do have to work without pay, well,

who do have to work without pay, well,

who do have to work without pay, well,
they have to get creative to pay the

they have to get creative to pay the

they have to get creative to pay the
bills.

bills.

bills.
>> The shutdown is also putting a strain on

>> The shutdown is also putting a strain on

>> The shutdown is also putting a strain on
the people who make sure we get to our

the people who make sure we get to our

the people who make sure we get to our
destination safely. Air traffic

destination safely. Air traffic

destination safely. Air traffic
controllers have been working without

controllers have been working without

controllers have been working without
pay since October 1st.

pay since October 1st.

pay since October 1st.
>> Some TSA officers and air traffic

>> Some TSA officers and air traffic

>> Some TSA officers and air traffic
controllers are even taking Uber and

controllers are even taking Uber and

controllers are even taking Uber and
Door Dash jobs just to make ends meet.

Door Dash jobs just to make ends meet.

Door Dash jobs just to make ends meet.
>> Okay, that's that's not ideal. On one

>> Okay, that's that's not ideal. On one

>> Okay, that's that's not ideal. On one
hand, you don't want air traffic

hand, you don't want air traffic

hand, you don't want air traffic
controllers staying up all night working

controllers staying up all night working

controllers staying up all night working
a second job. But on the other hand, the

a second job. But on the other hand, the

a second job. But on the other hand, the
sky is like really big, you know, and

sky is like really big, you know, and

sky is like really big, you know, and
the planes probably won't bump into each

the planes probably won't bump into each

the planes probably won't bump into each
other.

other.

other.
What's the worst that could happen? A

What's the worst that could happen? A

What's the worst that could happen? A
lost plane crashes into our unguarded

lost plane crashes into our unguarded

lost plane crashes into our unguarded
nuclear weapons. I mean, it's not that

nuclear weapons. I mean, it's not that

nuclear weapons. I mean, it's not that
bad.

But look, I hate that this is happening.

But look, I hate that this is happening.
I don't want to get into an Uber and

I don't want to get into an Uber and

I don't want to get into an Uber and
feel bad when my driver tells me he's an

feel bad when my driver tells me he's an

feel bad when my driver tells me he's an
out of work air traffic controller. I

out of work air traffic controller. I

out of work air traffic controller. I
want to get in an Uber and feel bad when

want to get in an Uber and feel bad when

want to get in an Uber and feel bad when
my driver tells me he was an oncologist

my driver tells me he was an oncologist

my driver tells me he was an oncologist
in Armenia. But

in Armenia. But

in Armenia. But
if seeing all these hardworking people

if seeing all these hardworking people

if seeing all these hardworking people
getting screwed over is hurting your

getting screwed over is hurting your

getting screwed over is hurting your
widow feel wings, don't worry. There is

widow feel wings, don't worry. There is

widow feel wings, don't worry. There is
one federal employee who do be getting

one federal employee who do be getting

one federal employee who do be getting
that Monae.

that Monae.

that Monae.
>> This morning, sources tell ABC News that

>> This morning, sources tell ABC News that

>> This morning, sources tell ABC News that
President Trump is pushing for a

President Trump is pushing for a

President Trump is pushing for a
personal $230 million payout from the

personal $230 million payout from the

personal $230 million payout from the
Justice Department as compensation for

Justice Department as compensation for

Justice Department as compensation for
the federal investigations he's faced.

the federal investigations he's faced.

the federal investigations he's faced.
He is demanding $230 million because he

He is demanding $230 million because he

He is demanding $230 million because he
faced special counsel investigations

faced special counsel investigations

faced special counsel investigations
over his campaign's contacts with Russia

over his campaign's contacts with Russia

over his campaign's contacts with Russia
and his removal of classified documents

and his removal of classified documents

and his removal of classified documents
from the White House to his home in Mara

from the White House to his home in Mara

from the White House to his home in Mara
Lago.

Lago.

Lago.
>> $230 million. And look, I know it's not

>> $230 million. And look, I know it's not

>> $230 million. And look, I know it's not
exactly what black people wanted, but

exactly what black people wanted, but

exactly what black people wanted, but
the American government is finally

the American government is finally

the American government is finally
paying reparations. And

paying reparations. And

paying reparations. And
well, it is to an old white billionaire

well, it is to an old white billionaire

well, it is to an old white billionaire
president, but that's why you need to be

president, but that's why you need to be

president, but that's why you need to be
more specific when you're manifesting.

more specific when you're manifesting.

more specific when you're manifesting.
[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]
Of course, a lawsuit any a lawsuit isn't

Of course, a lawsuit any a lawsuit isn't

Of course, a lawsuit any a lawsuit isn't
anything new. Trump sues people more

anything new. Trump sues people more

anything new. Trump sues people more
often than Baron gets hit by a seagull.

often than Baron gets hit by a seagull.

often than Baron gets hit by a seagull.
That kid is huge.

That kid is huge.

That kid is huge.
>> So, I don't mean to sound like your

>> So, I don't mean to sound like your

>> So, I don't mean to sound like your
nephew at the sader, but why is this

nephew at the sader, but why is this

nephew at the sader, but why is this
lawsuit different from the other

lawsuit different from the other

lawsuit different from the other
lawsuits?

lawsuits?

lawsuits?
>> The Justice Department officials who

>> The Justice Department officials who

>> The Justice Department officials who
would likely sign off on the payment

would likely sign off on the payment

would likely sign off on the payment
were once President Trump's own personal

were once President Trump's own personal

were once President Trump's own personal
lawyers. Attorney General Pam Bondi and

lawyers. Attorney General Pam Bondi and

lawyers. Attorney General Pam Bondi and
her deputy Todd Blanch. All right. No.

her deputy Todd Blanch. All right. No.

her deputy Todd Blanch. All right. No.
Now, now, now, now, now, now. I'm sure

Now, now, now, now, now, now. I'm sure

Now, now, now, now, now, now. I'm sure
Todd Blanch will take his time and very

Todd Blanch will take his time and very

Todd Blanch will take his time and very
carefully consider what color pen he

carefully consider what color pen he

carefully consider what color pen he
will use to sign the check over to his

will use to sign the check over to his

will use to sign the check over to his
president boss. Let me spell this out

president boss. Let me spell this out

president boss. Let me spell this out
for you. Trump's own former lawyers are

for you. Trump's own former lawyers are

for you. Trump's own former lawyers are
the ones who get to decide if Trump gets

the ones who get to decide if Trump gets

the ones who get to decide if Trump gets
this giant payout from the government

this giant payout from the government

this giant payout from the government
that Trump is in charge of. So, if you

that Trump is in charge of. So, if you

that Trump is in charge of. So, if you
can't believe how good Trump's luck is,

can't believe how good Trump's luck is,

can't believe how good Trump's luck is,
he also can't seem to believe it. It's

he also can't seem to believe it. It's

he also can't seem to believe it. It's
interesting because I'm the one that

interesting because I'm the one that

interesting because I'm the one that
makes a decision, right? And uh you know

makes a decision, right? And uh you know

makes a decision, right? And uh you know
that decision would have to go across my

that decision would have to go across my

that decision would have to go across my
desk and it's awfully strange to make a

desk and it's awfully strange to make a

desk and it's awfully strange to make a
decision where I'm paying myself. In

decision where I'm paying myself. In

decision where I'm paying myself. In
other words, did you ever have one of

other words, did you ever have one of

other words, did you ever have one of
those cases where you have to decide how

those cases where you have to decide how

those cases where you have to decide how
much you're paying yourself in damages?

much you're paying yourself in damages?

much you're paying yourself in damages?
>> No. No, they haven't. No one's ever done

>> No. No, they haven't. No one's ever done

>> No. No, they haven't. No one's ever done
this before. It seems like even Trump is

this before. It seems like even Trump is

this before. It seems like even Trump is
suspicious of how easy this is.

suspicious of how easy this is.

suspicious of how easy this is.
This must be how those thieves at the

This must be how those thieves at the

This must be how those thieves at the
Lou felt. So, all I need is a ladder.

Lou felt. So, all I need is a ladder.

Lou felt. So, all I need is a ladder.
I thought this would be way more

I thought this would be way more

I thought this would be way more
complicated. I all steal these

complicated. I all steal these

complicated. I all steal these
invaluable jewels, I guess. Also, keep

invaluable jewels, I guess. Also, keep

invaluable jewels, I guess. Also, keep
in mind that this is all happening at a

in mind that this is all happening at a

in mind that this is all happening at a
White House Diwali celebration,

White House Diwali celebration,

White House Diwali celebration,
which for those of you who don't know,

which for those of you who don't know,

which for those of you who don't know,
Diwali is the traditional Hindu festival

Diwali is the traditional Hindu festival

Diwali is the traditional Hindu festival
celebrating the day that the deity Rama

celebrating the day that the deity Rama

celebrating the day that the deity Rama
extorted his own government for $230

extorted his own government for $230

extorted his own government for $230
million.

million.

million.
Trump's office always has a lot going

Trump's office always has a lot going

Trump's office always has a lot going
on. It's like one of those Dunkin Donuts

on. It's like one of those Dunkin Donuts

on. It's like one of those Dunkin Donuts
with a BaskinRobins in it.

with a BaskinRobins in it.

with a BaskinRobins in it.
I came here for a mint chip, but I might

I came here for a mint chip, but I might

I came here for a mint chip, but I might
as well get a sausage egg while I'm

as well get a sausage egg while I'm

as well get a sausage egg while I'm
here.

here.

here.
I cannot believe how nakedly corrupt

I cannot believe how nakedly corrupt

I cannot believe how nakedly corrupt
this is. In fact, it can't be. I assume

this is. In fact, it can't be. I assume

this is. In fact, it can't be. I assume
this is more nuance situation than it

this is more nuance situation than it

this is more nuance situation than it
appears. And I'm sure there's some law

appears. And I'm sure there's some law

appears. And I'm sure there's some law
professor out there who can explain it.

professor out there who can explain it.

professor out there who can explain it.
>> One ethics professor telling the New

>> One ethics professor telling the New

>> One ethics professor telling the New
York Times, "The ethical conflict is

York Times, "The ethical conflict is

York Times, "The ethical conflict is
just so basic and fundamental. You don't

just so basic and fundamental. You don't

just so basic and fundamental. You don't
need a law professor to explain it.

need a law professor to explain it.

need a law professor to explain it.
Wow.

Wow.

Wow.
Wow.

Wow.

Wow.
[Music]

[Music]

[Music]
That's incredible.

That's incredible.

That's incredible.
And what I'm taking away from all this

And what I'm taking away from all this

And what I'm taking away from all this
is that I'm as smart as a law professor.

is that I'm as smart as a law professor.

is that I'm as smart as a law professor.
But he's right. This isn't a law

But he's right. This isn't a law

But he's right. This isn't a law
professor question. This is more of an

professor question. This is more of an

professor question. This is more of an
Elmo question.

Elmo question.

Elmo question.
He even he understands how up this is

He even he understands how up this is

He even he understands how up this is
and he can't even read.

and he can't even read.

and he can't even read.
But also, Elmo, it's been 45 years.

But also, Elmo, it's been 45 years.

But also, Elmo, it's been 45 years.
Okay, less tickling, more studying,

Okay, less tickling, more studying,

Okay, less tickling, more studying,
maybe.

maybe.

maybe.
And if you're wondering what Trump is

And if you're wondering what Trump is

And if you're wondering what Trump is
going to do with the windfall from the

going to do with the windfall from the

going to do with the windfall from the
government, well, we don't know. But we

government, well, we don't know. But we

government, well, we don't know. But we
know what he's pretending he's going to

know what he's pretending he's going to

know what he's pretending he's going to
do with it.

do with it.

do with it.
>> Any money that I would get, I would give

>> Any money that I would get, I would give

>> Any money that I would get, I would give
to charity.

to charity.

to charity.
>> Okay. All right. I know what you're

>> Okay. All right. I know what you're

>> Okay. All right. I know what you're
thinking. I know what you're thinking.

thinking. I know what you're thinking.

thinking. I know what you're thinking.
Trump is just going to donate the money

Trump is just going to donate the money

Trump is just going to donate the money
to his own charity. Well, jokes's on you

to his own charity. Well, jokes's on you

to his own charity. Well, jokes's on you
because that charity was dissolved by

because that charity was dissolved by

because that charity was dissolved by
court order in 2018 after misusing money

court order in 2018 after misusing money

court order in 2018 after misusing money
for his personal benefit. I bet you feel

for his personal benefit. I bet you feel

for his personal benefit. I bet you feel
like an

like an

like an
Now, it's important to keep in mind that

Now, it's important to keep in mind that

Now, it's important to keep in mind that
even if Trump does donate this money to

even if Trump does donate this money to

even if Trump does donate this money to
charity, that's taxpayer money. That's

charity, that's taxpayer money. That's

charity, that's taxpayer money. That's
us.

us.

us.
>> I mean, not me. I don't recognize the

>> I mean, not me. I don't recognize the

>> I mean, not me. I don't recognize the
authority of the IRS, but the rest of

authority of the IRS, but the rest of

authority of the IRS, but the rest of
you,

you,

you,
that's your money. The American people

that's your money. The American people

that's your money. The American people
did not give their hard-earned tax

did not give their hard-earned tax

did not give their hard-earned tax
dollars to the government so it can be

dollars to the government so it can be

dollars to the government so it can be
handed over to Donald Trump as

handed over to Donald Trump as

handed over to Donald Trump as
compensation for the crimes that he was

compensation for the crimes that he was

compensation for the crimes that he was
legitimately investigated for.

legitimately investigated for.

legitimately investigated for.
>> And

>> And

>> And
yeah,

yeah,

yeah,
and if you think like I do that the

and if you think like I do that the

and if you think like I do that the
furled government workers deserve better

furled government workers deserve better

furled government workers deserve better
than this, then join me by tipping them

than this, then join me by tipping them

than this, then join me by tipping them
one extra dollar on Door Dash.

one extra dollar on Door Dash.

one extra dollar on Door Dash.
Thank you, me.

Thank you, me.

Thank you, me.
>> For more on Trump pressuring the Justice

>> For more on Trump pressuring the Justice

>> For more on Trump pressuring the Justice
Department, let's go live to the White

Department, let's go live to the White

Department, let's go live to the White
House with Troy Iada.

>> Troy. Troy. 230 million. This is

>> Troy. Troy. 230 million. This is
madness.

madness.

madness.
>> Yeah, Michael. Beautiful madness. If

>> Yeah, Michael. Beautiful madness. If

>> Yeah, Michael. Beautiful madness. If
this doesn't make you both scared and

this doesn't make you both scared and

this doesn't make you both scared and
horny, you're dead inside. Trump is

horny, you're dead inside. Trump is

horny, you're dead inside. Trump is
achieving an unprecedented level of

achieving an unprecedented level of

achieving an unprecedented level of
corruption and we here at the lab are

corruption and we here at the lab are

corruption and we here at the lab are
just getting started.

just getting started.

just getting started.
>> The lab? What lab?

>> The lab? What lab?

>> The lab? What lab?
>> The White House Laboratorium for

>> The White House Laboratorium for

>> The White House Laboratorium for
grifting. Obviously,

grifting. Obviously,

grifting. Obviously,
you think this kind of political

you think this kind of political

you think this kind of political
corruption just happens? No, you fool.

corruption just happens? No, you fool.

corruption just happens? No, you fool.
It requires research, experimentation,

It requires research, experimentation,

It requires research, experimentation,
and an eyewash station for safety

and an eyewash station for safety

and an eyewash station for safety
purposes.

purposes.

purposes.
>> What? Wait, what? What the hell? That's

>> What? Wait, what? What the hell? That's

>> What? Wait, what? What the hell? That's
how Trump came up with this insane

how Trump came up with this insane

how Trump came up with this insane
grift? Oh. Uh, we have way many more

grift? Oh. Uh, we have way many more

grift? Oh. Uh, we have way many more
groundbreaking griffs in store. You know

groundbreaking griffs in store. You know

groundbreaking griffs in store. You know
how Trump suddenly sprouted fat ass

how Trump suddenly sprouted fat ass

how Trump suddenly sprouted fat ass
ankles over the summer?

ankles over the summer?

ankles over the summer?
That was us. We gave those to him. Now

That was us. We gave those to him. Now

That was us. We gave those to him. Now
he can slip and fall and sue his own

he can slip and fall and sue his own

he can slip and fall and sue his own
White House for discriminating against

White House for discriminating against

White House for discriminating against
Americans.

Americans.

Americans.
>> Now that that's crazy.

>> Now that that's crazy.

>> Now that that's crazy.
>> You think that's crazy? Next week,

>> You think that's crazy? Next week,

>> You think that's crazy? Next week,
Trump's going to order a drone strike on

Trump's going to order a drone strike on

Trump's going to order a drone strike on
a Venezuelan boat while he's on the boat

a Venezuelan boat while he's on the boat

a Venezuelan boat while he's on the boat
so he'll be eligible for workers comp.

so he'll be eligible for workers comp.

so he'll be eligible for workers comp.
But

But

But
But Troy, that's insanity.

But Troy, that's insanity.

But Troy, that's insanity.
>> Insanity. We have not even begun to

>> Insanity. We have not even begun to

>> Insanity. We have not even begun to
grip. Next week, we're going to have

grip. Next week, we're going to have

grip. Next week, we're going to have
Trump go to the White House cafeteria

Trump go to the White House cafeteria

Trump go to the White House cafeteria
and ask for a water cup. But you said

and ask for a water cup. But you said

and ask for a water cup. But you said
water cup to get a soda instead.

water cup to get a soda instead.

water cup to get a soda instead.
>> That's not cutting edge. I used to do

>> That's not cutting edge. I used to do

>> That's not cutting edge. I used to do
that in middle school all the time.

that in middle school all the time.

that in middle school all the time.
>> It's cutting edge for a president to do

>> It's cutting edge for a president to do

>> It's cutting edge for a president to do
it, you peasant. You ever see a

it, you peasant. You ever see a

it, you peasant. You ever see a
president steal a sun-kissed? It's

president steal a sun-kissed? It's

president steal a sun-kissed? It's
crazy. But

crazy. But

crazy. But
>> okay, but what's the point of all this

>> okay, but what's the point of all this

>> okay, but what's the point of all this
research? How much money does Trump

research? How much money does Trump

research? How much money does Trump
need?

need?

need?
>> It's not about the money, you rube. It's

>> It's not about the money, you rube. It's

>> It's not about the money, you rube. It's
about the science and pushing the

about the science and pushing the

about the science and pushing the
boundaries of what griffs humankind

boundaries of what griffs humankind

boundaries of what griffs humankind
thought was possible. Soon, President

thought was possible. Soon, President

thought was possible. Soon, President
Trump will touch the very face of God

Trump will touch the very face of God

Trump will touch the very face of God
and sell God essential oils that God can

and sell God essential oils that God can

and sell God essential oils that God can
resell to his neighbors.

resell to his neighbors.

resell to his neighbors.
He'll finally be his own boss.

He'll finally be his own boss.

He'll finally be his own boss.
>> Troy, when will all this end?

>> Troy, when will all this end?

>> Troy, when will all this end?
>> Never.

>> Never.

>> Never.
Never. Because at this moment, we're

Never. Because at this moment, we're

Never. Because at this moment, we're
working on the most elaborate scam of

working on the most elaborate scam of

working on the most elaborate scam of
all.

all.

all.
Donald Trump sues himself for the

Donald Trump sues himself for the

Donald Trump sues himself for the
emotional distress caused by getting

emotional distress caused by getting

emotional distress caused by getting
sued by himself, which will trigger an

sued by himself, which will trigger an

sued by himself, which will trigger an
infinite loop of emotional distress,

infinite loop of emotional distress,

infinite loop of emotional distress,
causing lawsuits, causing distress,

causing lawsuits, causing distress,

causing lawsuits, causing distress,
causing lawsuits, causing distress,

causing lawsuits, causing distress,

causing lawsuits, causing distress,
causing lawsuits, causing distress. Oh

causing lawsuits, causing distress. Oh

causing lawsuits, causing distress. Oh
god, it's happening. Oh my god, it's

god, it's happening. Oh my god, it's

god, it's happening. Oh my god, it's
happening.

happening.

happening.
>> Troy, get out of there. That's too much

>> Troy, get out of there. That's too much

>> Troy, get out of there. That's too much
corruption.

corruption.

corruption.
>> I'm so horny and scared.

>> I'm so horny and scared.

>> I'm so horny and scared.
[Applause]

Troy Alana everybody. I'm sure he's

Troy Alana everybody. I'm sure he's
fine.

fine.

fine.
[Music]