Original subtitles

A long time ago

somewhere at the end of the Earth

two incredibly mighty magicians collided in a deathly battle

for the beautiful princess.

Fin!

You cannot defeat me!

Chernomor!

Good will always defeat evil, and I am good.

Blah, blah, blah...

Hi-yah!

Ha-ha-ha!

Ooh!

Bleurgh!

Oh! Oh...

Looks like you need to get some fresh air!

Whooaaaaa!

Nina, my love, I'm coming!

No! Fin, it's a trap!

Oh!

Nina!

- Nina! - Fin!

Aaah!

Ugh... aah!

Nina...

Surprise!

You foolishly doubted my powers.

It looks like evil won!

And who, who, who is evil?

I am! I am! I am!

In one brief moment, the power of your love

will belong to me!

Nina...!

Fin, my love...

Argh!

Finally!

Now, what should I turn you into?

A rabbit? A grasshopper?

Oh! Into a flower!

I... won't... leave...

it like that.

I'll find a way. I will put it right.

I will put it right! You must be defeated

evil Chernomor!

Oh! A teleportation potion!

Are you trying to escape?

Well, run then, you coward!

And I will make sure that you...

Hey, Lord! More bachelors are coming to propose.

...until the end of your pathetic life!

Look! Turn around! - Muahahaha!

Dashing!

Ruslan!

"I will never forgive you!"

Chernomor! Ruslan! Huh?

"I will never forgive..." Ruslan, hey!

Ruslan! - Oh, uh...

Where art thou, my Juliet?

Do come, come out onto the balcony.

I want to look into thine eyes...

A-whaaa? What Juliet? What balcony?

Argh... Are you nuts?

Oh! I mean, uh...

Chernomor!

I will never forgive you!

I will find a way!

Ugh...

Oh well, what's the point?

Everyone has left anyway.

Oh, no, no, no!

We perform until the last viewer is gone.

What?

Or the last listener.

Heh? Who said that?

I can't hear you, either!

But then again, maybe that's a good thing...

Ugh.

Lestor, everyone is sick of your fairy tales of sorcerers.

Can't you write something modern?

Something about knights?

What you have to do is learn your lines!

Those knights are all you can think of!

But how cool is that!

You're dressed in armour, your sword in your hand

and over there in the distance you can see...

Yourself cleaning the stage.

...a beautiful princess who needs to be rescued.

Not "yourself cleaning the stage"!

How I want to call it quits and become a knight!

Children of knights become knights

but you're the son of an actor, so it's not your choice.

It's just the way it is.

Thank you for the reminder!

Woah, they went a mile a minute.

Huh, argh... - Ugh...

It looks like the marriage proposals did not go very well.

Whoaaaa!

Ugh...

Yeah, and it pulled our entire audience away.

Well, let's try to find something for dinner.

Yes, yes! And in the meantime, I shall write another chapter

of my ultimate genius play!

Mm...

Mila!

Such behaviour is not acceptable!

But I don't want to get married!

Stop this at once! Open the door right now!

There! Problem solved.

No one will ever... - Mila!

...enter?

Oh, but how did you... I mean, you were just over there!

A-ha! A secret passage!

I knew it.

Mila, marriage is not something you should be afraid of.

I will make sure your husband will protect you the way I do.

My point exactly!

This is what your protection is like...

"Don't go here, it's dangerous!

Don't go there, it's dangerous!"

"Don't go anywhere because

everywhere is dangerous!

Stay at home, Mila, all your life!"

While someone else sails the seven seas

climbs mountaintops and tames dragons.

See her? That will be me soon.

Oh! - I will not permit you

to look like this.

Plus she's wearing too much lipstick and mascara!

Oh! Argh!

Sorry! Ha-ha...

But it's not about make-up

and what made me think you would ever understand?

You are a princess, Mila!

It is finally time you acted like one.

I know what that means.

That means that a princess should be boring

predictable, and well-behaved.

And above all, depressed!

D... d... d... what!

You drive me crazy with these big words!

Oh, how you're just like your mother.

Oh, Mother...

Mother would understand me.

Mila, I won't be here forever.

And if I go as unexpectedly as your mother did

I want to make sure that someone will look after you.

But I don't want anyone to look after me.

I can do that just fine.

I dream of big things happening for me.

Even if it's a small adventure it will be better than this.

I want to feel alive in the world

and not trapped in this stupid castle!

Mila, you're unbearable.

This is not your choice.

You will get married anyway

and if you don't choose a groom by tomorrow

I will choose one for you.

This is the King's word, and it is final.

She wants adventures! Ha!

Imagine! - Not my choice?

Really?

Ta! Ha!

Here you go. - Wow! Haha!

Oh, thank you, thank you. You shouldn't have.

Same time tomorrow? - Bye!

Bye!

Nice haul, eh?

Oh!

Wait!

What's happened?

I'm sick!

Again?

I'm sorry, br...

Ratmir, do not laugh at your brother!

And stop picking your nose!

Gyeurgh, mon Dieu!

Why am I the only one in our family with brains?

Hey, you, sir!

It would be nice of you to apologise.

Did someone just say something?

Ratmir, did you hear someone speaking?

Uh... Yeah, yeah, Farlaf, that guy right here!

Oh! - You fool!

Don't you know when to play along? Hm?

Let's see what we have here. - But I thought...

What a buffoon we have found!

How dare you to state claims to me, His Highness

Knight Farlaf and your future king?

I am not a buffoon.

His Highness, Knight Falafel.

Farlaf! Je suis Farlaf!

Rogday, Ratmir!

You will know the true power of the noble...

Now, now...

As I was saying...

Now, you will know the...

Rogday! - Give me a second.

Now, you will know the power

of noble Sir Farlaf!

Wh...!

I am still a knight!

And now I am destined for feats, castles and princesses.

And you are destined for holey pockets

rags for clothes

and the company of this flying eyesore.

Nothing in this world can change it.

Farlaf! Wait!

Una is a titmouse!

And I...

I am not a buffoon.

Hmm...

Well, this place doesn't look very dangerous.

Hehehe! - Oh!

Hey, beauty, I can see you need help.

Uh... no, thank you.

I am totally fine. Haha!

Oh! - Hey there, girly.

What brings such a beauty to our hood?

Didn't Mommy and Daddy ever tell you these parts

are filled with... gangsters?

Right. Those are terrible people, you know!

But tonight's your lucky night.

We can protect you for a minimal fee

say, for that price of that fine necklace you're wearing.

No way!

Aargh!

My face!

Ouch... why are you just standing there?

Go get her!

Whoa!

Huh?

Miss...

Uh, Miss.

Are you alright?

Uh...

Really?

Oh!

Ahhh!

Not again.

Oh...? Sorry, do you need help?

Ha! - Ho-ho, whoa!

Easy! I was just trying to help.

If you still want to help, please, call the guards

or a knight perhaps.

A knight...

Uh, I am a knight!

Uh... are you sure?

Yeah! Sir Ruslan, at your service.

What has happened to you, my lady?

Them!

Gotcha!

Uh...

Get lost, wuss!

This is our booty.

Give me the necklace, or you will regret it!

It's my mum's pendant.

I will never take it off.

Huh? Hehehe!

No. After all, I am a knight.

And I will not let you take advantage of the lady.

Well, well. And...?

You probably tried to skimp

and bought this toothpick on sale!

- Come on... - I, on the other hand

am no cheapskate when it comes to weapons.

OK. Plan B, then...

Look! There! Guards!

Huh? Guards?

Finally! Ha-ha!

Are you kidding? That sword wouldn't scare a chicken!

Ha! This is just the newest version.

Ooh!

Ha-ha!

Oh! Ow!

Aaah!

Whoa... whoa!

Whoa...

Oh!

Aaah! Ha!

Heh, heh!

Whoaaa!

Agh...

Pfffft!

Oh! - Why, I'm gonna get you!

Oh! Grr!

Hey!

Uuurgh!

And that's just half-strength.

Oh! Hehehe!

Ugh...

We gotta go.

But haven't we won?

Grrr! - Argh! Hey!

We've gotta run!

Follow me.

- This way! - Let's get 'em!

Here!

Shh. - They was just right here!

Then they disappeared...

Urgh!

Phew!

Looks like we've lost 'em. - Uh... oh.

Sorry.

That's fine.

Let's go.

We're safe now.

Thank you for rescuing me.

Aw, it was nothing.

For a skilled knight like myself

that was child's play.

We are trained for precisely...

Oh!

Eh... so, you're not from around here?

And what makes you think that?

All locals know that these parts are full of, uh...

Gangsters? Now I know that, too.

So, where are you from?

It doesn't matter. I left that place

and I don't want to go back. - Uh-huh, uh...

Am I to assume it was a terrible place?

No, it wasn't terrible. Just... boring.

It's probably hard for you to imagine how it feels

to have your destiny be predetermined at birth.

When nothing exciting ever happens to you.

When all you can be is the person

other people think you are, and everything in your life...

Is not your choice?

Exactly! Is not your choice.

This is why you decided to run away?

Ugh...

I just want to experience real life.

Real adventure...

real freedom.

Now I understand how silly it is.

Even here, that weird little man on the wall is laughing at me.

Huh!

Hm.

It's not that silly after all.

If you want adventure, then adventure it is.

Hey! Where are you going?

I have an idea.

That is, if you're not afraid to trust a stranger.

Whoa!

♪ Deep in the shadows ♪

♪ Here you are ♪

♪ Your reflection You can't see ♪

♪ Stuck here for days In the dark ♪

♪ Don't know you're alive until you bleed ♪

♪ So let it go now ♪

♪ Feel the ground beneath your feet ♪

♪ You're waking up now ♪

♪ Believe ♪

♪ So shout it out ♪

♪ Let them know ♪

♪ That you're not done ♪

♪ You've got a long way to go ♪

♪ So shout it out ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ So shout it out ♪

♪ It's time to live a new story ♪

♪ It's time to turn another page ♪

♪ So let it go now ♪

♪ Feel the ground beneath your feet ♪

♪ You're waking up now ♪

♪ Believe ♪

♪ So shout it out ♪

♪ Let them know ♪

♪ That you're not done ♪

♪ You've got a long way to go ♪

♪ So shout it out ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ So shout it out ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ So shout it out ♪

♪ Shout it out ♪

♪ Let them know ♪

♪ Let them know ♪

♪ That you're not done ♪ ♪ (That you're not done) ♪

♪ You've got a long way to go ♪

♪ (You've got a way to go) ♪

♪ So shout it out ♪

♪ Not gonna run away ♪

♪ Not gonna run away and hide ♪

♪ You're gonna stand up, stand up ♪

♪ Fight ♪

♪ So shout it out. ♪

It's always chilly at sunrise.

Ruslan, this sunrise...

Look how beautiful.

Oh...

I've never felt so alive in my entire life.

It was truly an honour for me to accompany you.

Ruslan! What's happening?

Ruslan! - Mila!

Help!

Ruslan!

Help!

Hey, what is that?

Oh, the princess! Your Majesty!

Mila!

My daughter!

Oh, no.

Guards!

No!

Ruslan!

Whoa! Excuse me!

Sorry! Coming through!

Out of my way!

Help!

Please!

Help! - Over here!

Gotcha!

You pathetic fool!

A mortal can never resist the sorcery of the great Chernomor!

Chernomor?

I will take what I want anyway.

Ruslan! Hold on!

Mila, whatever happens

just know that I will find you, do you hear me?

I will find you! Wherever you are.

Do you believe me?

Mm-hm.

Ruslan!

Aaah!

You! Answer me!

What did you do to my daughter?

To your daughter?

Mila! What did you do to her?

She is a princess?

I... I didn't do anything.

She was kidnapped by Chernomor.

Chernomor? Who is he?

Where can I find him? - Uh, I don't know for sure.

Answer me! Answer immediately!

In the magic land!

Magic land...?

This guy's gone insane!

He's lost his mind.

Did he hit his head? - Yeah!

That head thing sounds right.

He is lying!

I told you! - Yeah, he's lying!

Yeah, that's probably it. - He probably hit his head...

I know it sounds insane, but in the fairy tale...

Shut up! That's enough!

I will show you what happens when people lie to the King.

Guards! Throw him in the dungeon.

You don't understand, we need to hurry.

Mila is in danger.

Shut up, you filthy peasant.

No! Please, I'm telling the truth!

Let me go!

Listen to me, I'm not crazy...

My lord, so what do we do?

Good people, listen to the King's decree.

The one who brings the princess home safe and sound

will become her husband!

Oh, ouais, magnifique!

Urck!

You are obviously not right in the head, tramp

to try and put one over on the King in front of everybody.

But I did not lie! You have to believe me!

Oh, no, from now on

it's prison rats who will believe you.

Yeah, they're very, very trustful!

Huh?

Oh!

Hey.

Oooh! - Ahhh!

You... What do you think you're doing?

Oh, pardon me!

But I shall have to cancel my tour with the rats

of your prison!

Is this all you've...

Bleurgh!

Let's go and see Lestor!

Yaargh! Oh...

Euurgh! Oh!

How dare you!

So... which way should we go from here?

Not sure which way...

Who knows where to find the princess, hm?

Oh, Ruslan!

Where have you been? - Lestor, listen to me!

Where did you learn the fairy tale about Chernomor?

What do you mean "where?"

Right here.

It was generated by my rich imagination.

Tell me the truth!

What's your problem anyway? I am telling you.

I made it all up.

The problem is that Chernomor really does exist

and today, he kidnapped the princess.

What? You gotta be kidding.

Looks like you're not kidding.

Alright then.

But you have to promise that you won't tell anyone.

Lestor!

Alright! I had a bad case of writer's block once.

Well, I just couldn't come up with anything, you know?

It was real torture.

Lestor!

Basically, there was this book that I...

borrowed...

and in the book, I read...

Did this book say anything about where to find him

or maybe how to defeat him?

No, nothing like that.

But there was this hilarious story

about a huge toad who, when kissed, turns you into...

Who did you steal the book from?

Borrowed.

Oh, I get it. Don't even think about it!

The owner of the book is a scary and dangerous person

so you better stay away from him.

I am still trying to forget the way to his house.

So you haven't forgotten where he is?

No, I remember completely, like it was yesterday...

Ah!

Argh!

My tongue is my own worst enemy.

Why do you even care about this princess anyway?

I'll tell you on the way. Are you with me?

Do I even have a choice?

Hee-yah!

I have been right all along!

Oh, this is just impossible.

What is impossible?

These morons have no idea which way to go.

Then why do we need them anyway, huh?

Let's go on our own. - Idiot!

We don't know which way to go either.

Oh. OK, so, who knows then?

Uh...

Ho-ho-ho!

Maybe our little buffoon friend does!

Follow me!

Where are they going?

Shut up!

They... they know something!

Let's follow them.

Hee-yah! After them! - That is what I said.

Hee-yah!

Hee-yah!

Whoaaa!

Waargh!

Hee-yah!

Hup! Hee-yah!

Whoaaa! Aaah!

Giddy up!

Whoaaa!

Hello?

Hello!

Huh? - Is anybody home?

Wow...

Oh, well. Looks like nobody's home.

So we gave it a try, it didn't work

so we might as well, uh, get outta here.

The mousetrap just snapped shut.

I remember you, you weevil.

Looks like payday has finally arrived, hm?

We are done for!

Aaah... ah!

Huh! So this is it?

This is your monster?

Oh...

Not frightening enough for you?

Please forgive me, my dear, uh...

Mr Cat.

We just...

And how about now? Is that better?

Uh...

Yeah, that'll do it.

We need to calm him down somehow.

What do cats like?

Uh... sour cream, catnip...

birds?

Clearly you're not an option. Uh...

bring me that map!

Ah! Ahhh!

Ruslan, do something!

Please!

Yeah, hang on a minute! - I don't have a minute!

Shoo, shoo, now! Please!

Mrow...

Meow!

Huh? It worked!

Enough already! No more!

Mr Cat, can you please hear us out?

Alright, I'll hear you out.

Just get that thing out of my face!

I can't take it anymore!

You have one minute.

We wanted to return your book.

Aaaah!

Ah...

And to apologise.

Anything else?

No. Well, you see, Chernomor...

Chernomor?

Oh, dear, did he kidnap a girl again?

Well... yes.

And you want to rescue her?

Exactly!

Ah! - You've got to be kidding me!

Chernomor has destroyed entire armies

and decapitated giants.

And now you...

An actor and a troubadour...

suddenly decide...

So you don't know how to defeat him?

I didn't say that.

Then you do know?

I didn't say that, either.

Follow me.

Clean up.

Once every hundred years, during the Crimson Sunset

Chernomor kidnaps a princess who has fallen in love

to replenish his magical powers with the power of her love.

So is Mila in love, too?

All lovers are blind.

But to answer your question, all signs point to you

being the object of her love.

Oh, are you sure?

That's something you'd have to ask her yourself.

"All lovers are blind"...

Oh, do I have to put an exclamation point after that?

Anyway, Romeo... You only have two days

to rescue your beloved.

Only two days?

But where can I find her and how do I stop Chernomor?

Easy, troubadour. I don't know.

But I thought you did!

Nope.

But I know someone who does.

Are you following?

Fin!

But if you want to find him

you will have to travel to a strange land.

A strange land?

Oh, my goodness, a strange land? Not again!

Not just some strange land, but a very magical one.

I would journey to the end of the Earth for Mila.

Brave lad.

But look, I've seen many brave men

venture to Chernomor's land

but not a single one returned.

Still, if you've already made up your mind

here you go...

Let's work, lazy bones.

Here's another brave fool

who doesn't know when to call it quits!

What are you looking at?

Here are your new clients.

Ah, I almost forgot.

When you get to the other side, it will be quite simple.

Just go straight ahead

and when you can't go any further

use this.

Thank you. I wish I could repay you somehow.

Do not mention it.

I, for one, think that this is a suicide mission

and also, about this...

don't ever tell anyone about it.

I will be as silent as the grave.

Oh, boy, I'm afraid that soon you will literally be as silent

as the grave.

Now, do you need a special invitation?

No-no-no, I'm coming.

Magic butt kick!

Aaaah!

Doesn't look too difficult.

Well, I don't know, all I feel is danger.

Have you noticed how dangerous they are?

What a predatory grin!

Huh? - Let's go.

I'm sure that everything will turn out fine.

Perhaps you'll be able to base your brilliant play

on our adventures.

With no fear or remorse

they navigated right into the jaws of death!

Well, so much for a romantic comedy.

Heh...

Ruslan? Is that you?

Aaah!

Hush, hush!

So it's you who kidnapped me?

Oh, why use such coarse language?

The term "relocated" is much better.

And now you want to marry me?

What? Marry you?

Ugh! No!

I despise such outdated clichés!

Can a woman only be kidnapped for the purpose

of marrying her?

Hahaha! - Ha-ha...

Well, yeah, ha-ha...

Marriage? No way!

Hahaha! - Ha! Oh! Thank goodness then!

This will be kinda like a marriage, only better

for me! Haha!

I will simply remove the power of your love

and then turn you into a stone statue.

It will look something like that.

Or like that!

Oh, or maybe that one! - What?

Did you say turn me into a stone statue?

Oh... did I say that out loud?

Don't be nervous. It won't hurt.

Here, have a cookie.

Here, let me show what I'll do with your cookie!

Hey!

You missed, you hysterical woman!

Ow! Oh!

Hahaha!

Oh! - Hahaha!

This is war!

Ah! Ow!

Huh?

Is this the Cap of Invisibility?

Now, this is not funny anymore.

Give me back the cap! Do you hear me?

Where are you?

Ow!

Where are you going?

You're foolish if you think you can escape

from my castle!

Then I will hide until Ruslan comes to rescue me!

Ha! Mortals have never been able to find my castle!

Remember this! Never!

Oh, such uncouth behaviour.

Well, I'll make sure that you don't get bored.

Caramelus pastila...

Monster candis, tru-la-la!

Oh, you, my sweet minion

go find this brat.

"Until Ruslan comes to rescue me."

Bring her to me at once!

And you, my dear...

Be cruel!

Let's take a look where our guest has gone.

Ah!

There you are.

Intruders! Intruders!

What is going on?

Humans arrived through the portal.

You never know who that might be.

Ruslan. Lestor.

One brave, one scared.

Oh...

Ruslan sounds familiar.

I think I've heard that name...

Oh, no!

Ruslan! So he did come to rescue her.

Oh well, then I must buy flowers for your funeral, Ruslan.

Muahahaha!

Haha...

That's some doghouse right here.

Smells like cat...

Oh, what is that? A kitty?

I am a cat!

A talking kitty to boot!

What are you meowing about, fleabag?

We didn't see the buffoon leave this place, so...

there must be a secret passageway somewhere.

Alright, furball, we know a certain troubadour

paid you a visit earlier today.

Where is he? Where did he go?

And I've only just finished cleaning up.

Just a second.

OK. Let's roll.

Ahh... and now some down time.

So, here we are.

It looks like there's nowhere to go, right?

It looks like we should have at least picked up some berries.

I'm starving.

Lestor, how can you be thinking about food

at a time like this?

Oh, that is it!

I'm going to go find something to eat

and you can stay here and figure out

whether there's nowhere to go or somewhere to go.

Man, oh, man! What have we gotten ourselves into?

Very strange.

Achoo!

Whoa!

We are under attack!

Oh, I'm flying!

Oops. Sorry.

We have to follow the clown!

So... there's no way to the other side?

Then we'll have to use the gift that the cat gave us.

But how to use it? Maybe we just...

Oh. No.

Maybe it's also magical, and we have to ask it?

You know, very politely.

Ahem.

Oh, the greatest...

and greenest...

bean pod!

Please, be so merciful

and show us, the lost travellers

the way to the wise wizard!

Oh, the greatest... bean pod!

Yeah, you're right, it's idiotic.

We gotta think of something better.

Hmm...

Uh...

Yes, sure!

As in that fairy tale about the bean pod!

And now...

Well, one, two...

We need water.

Yeah!

Oh!

Where?

Where'd it go?

You little, dirty, woollen thief!

Grab that hamster!

Alright...

Huh?

Hehe! Nyah!

Now you'll get it!

Ah! Oh, really?

So you know how to fly?

Ah!

Huh?

And this one!

Aaaaah!

Hehehe!

Aaaaaah...

aaaaaaah!

Eh?

OK, calm down.

Enough!

Now, that was too rough!

Maybe he's just hungry?

We're not greedy, but we need this pod - not for food.

Somehow, it should show us the way to wizard Fin.

But how?

That one, we don't know yet.

What? You know it?

Won't you run away?

What if we're supposed to give it to the hamster?

Here.

Oh...

Huh?

That is unbelievable!

Hey, do you think we're supposed to eat these?

Waaah!

Huh? So you're just gonna...

walk right in there? - Come on!

Kind of like a blind trust thing, huh?

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Ow!

Whoa...

Where did all that come from?

Ah, who cares? I'm so hungry!

Blaargh! - Oh!

Who are you? - Raaah!

Oh!

Stop!

No!

Aaah!

Killer candy!

Aaaah!

Get off!

Get off!

Back off!

Give it to me!

No!

Hehehe...

That's it!

Now I'm really mad!

Aargh!

Ohhh! Yay!

Is that all you can do?

Oops.

Heh-heh-heh!

Wow, I knew sweets were bad for your health

but this is ridiculous.

Hm!

Rrrrr...

Hm! - Mmmm.

Ugh!

Ha.

Haha! And that's how princesses deal with extra calories.

Huh?

Here you are, my sweet little brat!

Hehe...

Mmm.

Wait! Stop!

I do not trust this hamster.

Why? - Why!

Did you see that bridge?

What if its hungry relatives are hiding in this cave?

If you're so afraid... stay here.

Uh...

Uh...

On the other hand, this hamster looks very sincere.

Wait for me!

This is too little.

However, it will be sufficient to destroy

a couple of measly human souls.

Pustus, moccus, coolibokus.

Lettus makus stonus monstrus!

Aaaaaah!

No! No, wait!

What's wrong with him?

Coo-coo!

Fin! We come in peace!

Away! Go away!

I am a mighty sorcerer!

I will bewitch you! Death!

Death to all of you!

Aren't you Fin, the great wizard?

I've come to... - Ah, you want to bewitch me!

But I won't listen to you.

Blah-blah-blah!

Blah-blah-blah! - So what should we do with him?

Can we take him out with a stone?

What?

I'm good at throwing stones.

Raaaaa-ha-ha!

I will bewitch you!

Get lost!

I need to think.

Hmm...

Ah! I have an idea.

We will start casting spells now!

And if you don't manage to do it first

we will bewitch you!

I will bewitch you right now!

Death to all of you!

OK. We're starting the spell now!

Abracadabra!

I will bring death upon you!

Then you'd best do it faster

because we have started casting our spell!

How does it go?

Er... Kekhus, Nekus, Poritekus!

Kekhus, Reakus, Deathtekus!

Ah! Ooh...

the gods!

He has cast a deadly spell on me!

I... My strength...

is leaving me.

Aaah...

Me? My spell?

Oh! Ooooh...

Oh, heavens!

The hour of my death has come!

Oh, stars, I'm looking at you for the last time...

Oh, wind, you'll never brush against my skin again.

Oh, mountains... Lovely, brilliant mountains...

creeks... and streams...

and... and...

Oh, daffodils! Fragrant and bright.

And... - Lestor!

Bleurgh!

Has my power been restored?

Aaaah! I killed those poor people...

Bleh... pfft!

Hey...

Hey!

Are you completely dead?

Oh...

Forgive me, stranger.

A-ha! No need to apologise.

Aaaaaaah! - Ha-ha!

Calm down! We won't hurt you, Fin.

The great wizard!

Aaaaaaah!

Dear Fin, we will leave you alone very soon.

Aaaaaah!

But the thing is, Chernomor...

Aaaaah!

Blah-blah!

Chernomor kidnapped the princess

and I need to find out where he took her.

Do you understand?

An actor!

Moreover, a second or third-rate actor!

A courageous one, however.

I was courageous too, much more than you.

But Chernomor!

Chernomor took it all away from me.

Chernomor's power is in his beard

so if you cut it off...

All his sorcery will disappear?

Possibly. Very likely.

But nobody has ever managed to do that.

So where can I find Chernomor?

His castle stands among the spiky rocks.

You will not overcome Chernomor with a regular sword.

To do that, you will need a special, magic sword.

And I was hoping this would be an easy deal.

But the sword is protected by a mighty hero.

If I only had my courage again.

Tell us how to find this sword.

Walk 300 steps east from the entrance of my cave.

You'll see a shaggy stone, then turn right

and walk 100 steps straight, then turn left

- walk 200 elbows straight... - Whoa, slow down!

I'm trying to draw a map. - 500 squirrel tails

to the five dozen moose steps till you reach...

a shaggy stone.

Huh?

Wait! The shaggy stone again?

Six hundred steps with a lynx trot

till you reach a dusk tree

then to the right and straight, straight and to the right again

towards the hill on the edge of the steep

and then you'll see gloomy fields

covered with thick fog.

That is where the sword is hidden.

And hurry up, the Crimson Sunset is coming.

So... Lestor, did you draw a nice map?

Uh... depends on what you call "nice".

Uh, this is more modern art than a map.

I can't understand a thing.

Do you understand how to get there?

Well, you are simply irreplaceable.

So, what are we waiting for?

Hamster!

Ruslan!

Hey!

Hey, you!

People!

Guys?

Hamster! What's happen... oh!

Why are you all running so fast? Especially on an empty stomach!

Holy cannoli!

Uh... do you guys think that's a friendly

"nice to meet you" smile

or an "I'm going to eat you" smile?

Roooaaar! - Aaaaah!

Aaaah!

Definitely number two!

Aaaah!

Run!

It looks like we've lost them.

Aaaaaah!

Huh? - Run!

Looks like we just found them.

And what was he screaming?

Oh! Aaaah!

Oh! Ohhhh!

Hello!

Oh!

Uh...

Ugh... eurghhhh!

Oh, you useless heap of stones!

Aaaah!

She almost looks... alive.

Oh...

Whoa. What happened here?

A battle.

Well, obviously this is no dance party.

What's over there? What do you see?

Shh!

Is this your legendary hero?

Hello! Mr Hero, sir?

We really need your help!

Hey, there! Mr Hero?

Do you have any idea how to wake him up?

Let's light up his beard!

That's not such a good idea.

Everybody's a critic! Alright.

You come up with something better, then.

Mm... hrr! - What's the matter with him?

Hhh... hrrr! - Uh...

Achoo!

A rat?

O, the great hero!

Smells like a rat.

No, no, no, my name is Ruslan

and I am an actor... - Aaaargh!

There's a rat right there!

Tell me quickly why you're here, but first take your rat away.

Can't you see that I'm allergic?

I was told that you are the keeper of a magic sword.

Eh... eh.

Alrighty.

Oh, wow! That was simple.

"It'll be yours if you're able to carry it away."

What is that supposed to mean? - Here, ask them!

But they're dead, aren't they?

No!

Let the show begin!

Hahahaha!

Now that's a true sword!

You know, it really wasn't that hard after all.

Oh, how many times have I heard these words!

I don't wanna die!

This I've heard many times, too.

That's right!

I know what to do! - Hmm.

"I know that to do." That's new.

You're my super weapon.

Hey! What are you up to?

You, don't you come any closer!

Take cover!

Aaaah! - Why you, good-for-nothing...

Hhhhh... hurr...

Ahh... ahhh...

aaaahhhhhh... - Aaaaah!

Achoo!

Yes!

We owned them, alright!

Next stop, Chernomor's castle.

Nyah... haha!

Heh-heh-heh!

Huh?

So, you did make it here!

Moreover, you have the sword!

My, that's some longing for this hysterical woman.

The sun is about to set.

We have to make it through these spikes somehow.

Lestor, you and Hamster will go to the right

and I will go to the left

and whoever finds a passage first should whistle.

OK! I'm going.

Uh, but... I don't know how to whistle.

Huh!

Looks like Hamster knows how to whistle.

You'd better hope he can't write plays.

Very funny!

Please tell me you can't write plays.

Una, go and find Mila.

Let her know that I am coming to rescue her.

Oh!

Mila!

Did you manage to escape?

I came to your rescue, just as I promised.

You've come? Why?

What do you mean, why?

To rescue you! This is me, Ruslan.

Ruslan, the poor clown and buffoon who lied to me

about being a great knight

all to seduce me and sweep me off my feet.

There's no mystery here.

If you married the princess, you would become the king.

Why would any buffoon pass that up?

Mila, what are you saying? I don't recognise you!

What made you think you know me at all?

But it seemed to me that...

Well, you are right. It "seemed" to you.

How could you think that I, the daughter of the great King

was really interested in a poor actor like you?

And now you've shown up here to do what?

To rescue you... - Ha! Rescue me?

Ha! But do I want to be rescued?

I... - Here, I have everything

that I need.

Everything that you would have never been able to give me.

A magnificent castle, riches, power

and even love!

Love? - Yes, love.

Chernomor loves me, and we will get married today!

And tomorrow, we will go on a honeymoon trip

around the world!

This is what I've dreamed of my entire life!

But the blood-coloured sunset...

Oh, please! It is just a fairy tale.

Ruslan, please understand.

I don't need you. I love Chernomor!

And if you have at least a little bit of honour

left in you

you won't stand in the way of my happiness.

No, I won't.

Good boy.

The poor clown and buffoon

who lied to me about being a great knight.

I love Chernomor!

Uh, there's nothing here.

Maybe on your side there's a way.

Huh?

What's wrong with him?

Ruslan, did you find a passage?

Ruslan!

You were right.

Ha! Holy cannoli, I knew it!

What am I right about?

Hey, are you here?

I know that you're here.

Do you know, I just met your groom!

Ruslan, is it? Such a cutie!

I felt so sorry for him when he found out that Mila...

is not interested in him at all.

Oh, how upset he was!

My, oh, my, I don't even know if he will ever recover

from the heartbreak.

You're lying!

That's an insult, beauty.

Look out the window and see for yourself.

There is your hero, waddling home in disgrace.

No!

Gotcha! Heh-heh-heh!

Aaaah! - It's too late

for flailing about!

Now, let's go, come with me.

Let's enjoy the sunset.

Heh-heh-heh!

What an idiot I am, fancying myself worthy.

I've seen it all with my own eyes.

Leave me alone!

Ruslan! It's not the end of the world.

Whoa-ho! But that, in fact, appears to be the case!

Well...

this ending totally makes sense for my stereotypical play.

I'm ready for it.

Bring it on!

No!

Aargh...

Hey! Hey!

I'm here, you ugly bunch of rocks!

Uh... here, boy!

Come get your stone pie!

Ha, that's a nice joke, I should write that down...

Roooaaaaar!

Oh!

Aaaaah!

Get your act together, this is not the best time to...

chicken out!

Look, you will find someone else!

Someone in your league, of your status!

Whatever happened is no reason to get so upset!

But I am upset.

And this too shall pass!

Now, go chop that cobble-stone into pieces!

But how could she be so cruel and so cold?

If you do nothing, the monster is the one who will be cruel.

And us? Why, we'll be very cold!

Oh... I... cannot...

run... anymore.

I cannot live without her.

The pendant!

Where did you get it?

No, she wasn't wearing it...

Oh!

Well, deceitful Chernomor, this will be your last act.

This is it...

I just can't... go on.

Rooooaaar!

Hands off my friends!

Ha! I think I know how to get to the castle.

Lestor, it was a lie.

The Mila that I saw was not real.

She was not wearing this.

She said she would never take it off

so it couldn't have been her who drove me away!

And perhaps she is still waiting for me

or perhaps even loves me.

Aren't you glad?

Oh... I am glad.

I am very glad.

Can't you see me clapping?

There's no time to be laying around.

Let's go, we need to rescue Mila.

The sun is about to set.

What did the cat say?

"All lovers are blind."

Enough! I've had enough!

Let it all fall away! I don't care!

All these monsters, frogs and stinking swamp.

Buffoon!

Buffoons, princesses and... buffoon?

Ah!

Buffoon, oh, there you are!

How I've missed you.

You old, ugly, vile...

Shut up!

That's it.

Soon you will become quiet and obedient.

Like a pebble!

There, there... I will take good care of you.

Like, blow dust off of you every once in a while!

Eh-heh-heh-heh!

What?

But... you left!

Ha! I'm not that dumb.

Of course you aren't!

Calm down!

Mila!

Whoaaaaa!

A-ha!

The magic armour!

Your sorcery does not affect me. Give up now!

You are right. It doesn't affect you.

But what about me?

Akonus, agonus, hugus dragonus!

So, who is supposed to give up now?

You wanna go for a ride?

Not a problem!

Whoa!

Whoaaaa!

Muahahaha!

Aaargh!

Did you lose this?

No!

He did it.

Oh!

Aaah...

Huh? No!

That's it.

Yeah, you did it! You won!

Oh, I will dedicate the greatest poem in human history to you!

Or a play, or even better, an ode!

And I will start writing it right now!

There's no time for odes yet. Mila is still in danger.

Remove the magic shield! - Me?

Hahahaha!

The process has been set in motion

and there is no force in the whole world

capable of stopping it.

Ow! Ouch!

I will save her.

Ruslan, you're gonna die!

A life without Mila is worse than death.

This can't be real, this is my only fear.

What a great act!

It's a shame that the actor won't be able to come out

for an encore.

Hahaha...

Ugh!

Lestor, catch!

Ruslan!

Mila!

I... - Ruslan!

One more step, I beg you!

I will rescue you!

Nobody rescues anyone anymore!

Aaaaagh!

Ruslan!

Finita la commedia

as they say en France.

There, there, my dear.

You don't need to mourn this pathetic clown.

He is beneath you, unlike me!

I am a real knight, with a family tree

and proper manners

so you will be very happy when we get married.

When we get married?

Plan B!

Oh, here comes my father!

Vladimir? Where?

Here! - Ow!

Oh! Aurgh... - Huh?

Huh, huh, huh, aaaah!

Aaah!

No more Miss Nice Princess!

Whoaaaa!

Aaaaaah! - Eurgh!

That is so gross!

What do you think you're...

Ribbit!

Ribbit!

Urgh... eugh...

Help!

Ruslan...

My knight.

You are the best man on Earth.

Here I am!

My power came back to me.

Hey there, champions and winners!

Laurel wreaths for everyone!

Why's everyone so sour? We won, didn't we?

Uh...

Oh...

That's not a problem.

By the way, my name is Fin.

After all, we've never been officially introduced.

Ruslan is dead

and you don't think it's a problem?

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Calm down, young lady.

I only meant that I could fix it all.

Fix it all?

Well, yeah.

By the way, it should be mentioned that I...

am a wizard!

And you... you can resurrect Ruslan?

No, I cannot resurrect him

but I can return what was stolen from him.

That's not a problem at all. Step back...

In a moment you will witness real fairy-tale-grade magic.

Uh...

Kaladounen, nadalounen

give him back what you have stolen.

No more loss, no more wrack

his light of life he should get back!

Wha...?

He's breathing!

Ruslan! You're alive!

Oh, I am so glad that you're alive!

Don't squeeze me.

Ooh... heh-heh!

Fin! My love!

Nina!

My shining star!

Mila... - Yes?

I need to confess...

I am not quite a real knight.

One could even say...

I am not a knight at all.

But I really like you, and I would like...

if you'd let me, then I would...

if you don't mind...

I don't care who you were.

I know who you are now.

You're the one I love!

And if I asked you to marry me? What would you say?

Yes.

I will say yes!

I love you.

Awww!

It's so beautiful that I need to write it down!

They lived happily ever after.

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ It's all good and gettin' even better ♪

♪ Blue skies, only sunny weather ♪

♪ It's a perfect day, ain't nothin' wrong ♪

♪ Cos everything's alright ♪

♪ It's all good when we get together ♪

♪ Why not make it last forever? ♪

♪ When you got what matters ♪

♪ It's all good and gettin' even better ♪

♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Don't need to make a million ♪

♪ Don't need to rule the world ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ If the simple things in life are free ♪

♪ Then you've got more than enough ♪

♪ Sophisticated conversations ♪

♪ Where you can't even spell the words ♪

♪ Well, words don't mean a thing ♪

♪ Cos you've got everything you need and ever want ♪

♪ When you've got love, oh ♪

♪ It's all good and gettin' even better ♪

♪ Blue skies, only sunny weather ♪

♪ It's a perfect day, ain't nothin' wrong ♪

♪ Cos everything's alright ♪

♪ It's all good when we get together ♪

♪ Why not make it last forever? ♪

♪ When you got what matters ♪

♪ It's all good and gettin' even better ♪

♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Don't need fame or recognition ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Gold records, mansions or fast cars... ♪

♪ If the simple things in life are free ♪

♪ Then you know ♪

♪ You're rich as rich can be. ♪