Original subtitles

- GOD LOVE YOU.

- WRONG, WRONG.

WRONG, WRONG.

WRONG, WRONG, PARTY, PARTY, PARTY.

PARTY, PARTY, PARTY PARTY, PARTY,

PARTY, PARTY.

- HEY, MAN. WANT A RIDE?

- I WANT A CHEESEBURGER,

FRENCH FRIES

AND A CHOCOLATE SHAKE.

WELL, WRITE IT DOWN.

CHEESEBURGER,

FRENCH FRIES, CHOCOLATE SHAKE.

- I'LL ALSO HAVE FIVE HOT DOGS.

LONG.

FIVE FRIES.

AND FIVE ROOT BEERS.

NOW GET GOING.

- KNOWN INDIVIDUALS,

AND OUR GOVERNMENT REFUSED TO PAY NOTICE THIS SCUM

OF VERMIN AND PESTILENCE

WHICH IS CREEPING INTO OUR SOCIETY.

THEN IT IS TIME FOR INDIVIDUALS SUCH AS YOU AND I

TO TAKE IT UPON OURSELVES TO SCRAPE,

CUT AND CLEANSE THEIR BODIES OF IT.

NOWHERE IN THE ANNALS OF THIS GREAT COUNTRY'S HISTORY

HAVE A DEDICATED FEW SUCH AS OURSELVES

TAKEN ON THE GREATEST CHALLENGE THE WORLD HAS PUT BEFORE US:

TO PREPARE OURSELVES, OUR LOVED ONES

AND OTHERS AGAINST THE PERILS WHICH LURK

IN OUR VERY MIDSTS.

THE DEVIOUS SEX CRIMINALS.

THE ABUSERS OF OUR FREEDOM MUST BE CAUGHT

AND DEALT WITH UNDER AN IRON HAND!

- HOW'S YOUR MACHINE HOLDING UP?

- MY LEAKAGE IS SLIPPING.

- ARNIE, YOU?

- MY, UH, RAM SHAFT'S AT AROUND.

- I HAVE TROUBLE GETTING INTO SECOND.

- YOU HAVE TROUBLE GETTING INTO FIRST.

- WELL, THAT'S THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE.

- YOU OUGHT TO TRY ONE OF THESE. THEY'RE VERY GOOD, YOU KNOW.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

- NOTHING. I'M JUST HELPING THE BOY.

FOR GOD SAKES, WHAT YOU GETTING SO EXCITED ABOUT?

- WELL, I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU,

YOU FICKLE PRINGLE.

- I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING. I'M JUST TALKING TO THE BOY.

- WHY DON'T YOU TWO SCREAMERS COOL IT.

WE'RE NOT ON DISPLAY HERE.

SIT DOWN.

- WHY DON'T YOU TWO FAIRIES STOP MAKING A SCENE.

- WHAT?

- OH, IT'S SO LONELY AT THE TOP.

UH, MEN, WE'RE BEING WATCHED.

- EVERYBODY'S LOOKING.

- JESUS CHRIST. YOU'RE ALL FAGGOTS.

- HIT ME HARD.

- OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

- WHO THREW CHOCOLATE AT ME?

- LOOK, BOYS, I'M A HOT DOG.

- RADIO 53, THIS IS CAR FOUR.

AM IN PURSUIT OF...

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, PARTNER?

20, 25 BIKERS?

- GEE, NO.

ACTUALLY, THERE WERE MORE LIKE SIX.

- YEAH, RIGHT.

AM IN PURSUIT OF 20 TO 25 MOTORCYCLE TOUGHS.

THEY ARE HEAVILY ARMED AND ARE CARRYING HOSTAGES.

WILL RADIO FOR ASSISTANCE IF NECESSARY.

OUT.

- OH, GOD, MY LEGS. THEY WON'T MOVE.

- HEAD THEM IN AND JUMP OUT.

JUST HEAD THEM IN AND JUMP OUT.

OKAY, LET'S GO.

GODDAMN DOOR.

- OKAY, EVERYBODY OFF THOSE BIKES.

YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID. OFF THOSE BIKES.

- WELL, HI-HO, GUNSLINGER.

- IT'S OKAY, PARTNER.

- LET ME CHECK.

- WHERE ARE YOU MEN HEADED?

- DOWN THE COAST.

- DOWN THE COAST?

- THAT'S WHAT I SAID. DOWN THE COAST.

- WHERE WERE YOU BEFORE?

- BEFORE WHAT?

- BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.

- WE WERE UP THE COAST.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING DOWN THE COAST.

- LOS ANGELES?

- YEAH, L.A.

- AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO THERE?

- BALL. - WHAT?

- A BALL.

- WHAT KIND OF A BALL?

- A COTILLION.

- COTILLION?

- A LADIES' COTILLION.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

- HIT YOUR BRICK.

YOUR BULB IS BURNED OUT.

- OH, WOW.

MY BULB IS BURNED OUT.

- OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, FELLA.

- WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND, FANCY PANTS?

- JUST TAKE YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR COAT.

REAL SLOW.

- CLEAN.

- BETTER CHECK THEM ALL, PARTNER.

- OKAY, I WANT EVERYBODY WITH THEIR LICENSE IN THEIR HAND.

MOVE!

- NOW, LOOK, I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

ARREST US OR LET US GO.

YOU COPS THINK YOU RUN THIS WORLD.

BUT THIS IS ONE ALL-AMERICAN,

RED-BLOODED FAGGOT YOU CAN'T SCARE.

SO, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR SIRENS

AND YOUR FLASHING RED LIGHTS AND YOUR GUNS

AND, UH, STICK THEM.

- CHECK THEM OUT, PARTNER.

- WELL, YOU SEE, OFFICER,

YOU KNOW, HE JUST LIKES TO CLOWN AROUND, YOU KNOW.

- GIVE ME YOUR LICENSE.

- I DON'T HAVE ONE.

- HEY, THIS ONE AIN'T GOT A LICENSE.

- IT'S OKAY.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- ARNOLD LONGBRANCH.

- YOU GOT ANY IDENTIFICATION?

- YOUR FELLOW OFFICER HAS THAT DOCUMENT.

- GET OVER HERE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- THIS IS EDWARD. HE'S MY FRIEND.

- MY NAME'S EDDIE. EDDIE.

- YOU GOT ANY IDENTIFICATION?

- NO, SIR, I DON'T. I DON'T HAVE ANY.

I DON'T DRIVE, YOU UNDERSTAND.

I'M FROM ENGLAND. I GOT MY ENGLISH--

- IF YOU DON'T HAVE IDENTIFICATION,

I TAKE YOU IN.

- BUT I DON'T--

ARNIE, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

- EDWARD, WOULD YOU GIVE THE OFFICER SOME DOCUMENT

THAT BEARS YOUR NAME?

- I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ON ME.

I'VE GOT MATCHES, I'VE GOT--

- SURELY YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING THAT HAS YOUR NAME ON IT.

- I TOLD YOU I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.

NO ONE TOLD ME I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE ANYTHING.

- EDWARD.

- MY BOOKS?

- GIVE IT TO THE MAN.

- THAT'S ME BOOK.

- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

- WELL, IT'S VERY OBVIOUS.

IT'S A BOOK OF POEMS.

- IT'S ME BOOK OF POETRY. I WROTE THAT.

I WROTE IT FOR ARNIE.

I'M WRITING SOME MORE RIGHT HERE.

I'M WORKING ON SOME

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. - HOLD IT!

- I'M JUST WORKING ON SOME POETRY, YOU UNDERSTAND.

HERE'S ONE RIGHT HERE.

LOOKING AT SOME FROM MICHAEL.

I HAD ANOTHER ONE OF ARNIE HERE.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR RONNIE HERE.

AND THIS ONE OVER HERE...

I'VE GOT ONE SONG...

- THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING ON ANY OF THEM.

CLEAN AS A PIN.

WHAT NOW?

- GIVE THEM BACK THEIR STUFF.

CHECK THE BIKES.

THE BACK.

- HEY, PARTNER, LOOK AT THIS.

- WHAT'S IN IT?

- I DON'T KNOW. IT'S LOCKED.

- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S IN IT.

WE GOT ABOUT 5 KILOS OF SHIT,

ABOUT 3 LIDS OF HASH,

ABOUT 8 OUNCES OF COCAINE,

SOME REDS, SOME UPPERS, SOME DOWN--

- WHAT'S IN IT?

- WELL, AN 8x10 GLOSSY OF ROBERT GOULET.

- YOU WANT ME TO OPEN IT FOR YOU?

- NO, MAN. I'LL OPEN IT.

- WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS?

A BRASSIERE.

- IT'S A MAIDENFORM,

AND IT'S MINE.

GIVE IT TO ME.

YOU TAKE YOUR DIRTY PIG HANDS

OFF MY THINGS, MAN.

- STOP IT. YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING.

- YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, YOU KNOW.

- YOU SEE, OFFICER,

HENRY HERE DESIGNED THIS DRESS

FOR RONNIE TO WEAR AT THE DRAG BALL

IN LOS ANGELES.

RONNIE'S OUR QUEEN.

- TAKE YOUR BRA

AND TAKE YOUR GOWN AND TAKE...

OH, LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

- SO, 36 HOURS AFTER ZERO HOUR,

OUR MEN WILL BE ARMED,

BRIEFED,

AND ON THEIR WAY TO THE INFILTRATION AREA.

NO ONE, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE,

WILL BE ABLE TO BE THERE BEFORE OUR MEN.

NOW, THESE--

THESE LOCATIONS REPRESENT

THE MAIN WATER SOURCE OF OUR SEVEN TERRITORIES.

SO OUR MEN WILL BE ON THEIR WAY

TO THE INFILTRATION AREA.

BY CONTROLLING THESE,

THE INFILTRATORS' MOVEMENTS WILL BE CUT DOWN TO NOTHING.

- FILL IT UP WITH GAS.

CHECK THE WATER AND THE BATTERY.

AND, UH...

FLUFF UP THE TIRES.

- LET'S SEE.

GET SOME CHIPS.

- WHAT KIND DO YOU WANT?

- GET ANY KIND THAT YOU WANT.

THOSE ARE THE WRONG KIND. GET SOME OTHERS.

- YOU TOLD ME...

- LET'S SEE. WE NEED SOME NICE, WARM MANHANDLER'S SOUP.

- HOW ABOUT SOME CREAM OF CELERY?

- NO.

ONION.

- ONION?

- NO.

TOMATO BEEF.

- WHERE IS IT?

CAN I JUST HAVE SOME CREAM OF CELERY FOR MYSELF?

- NO.

- YOU DON'T WANT THIS?

- I HAVE SPLIT PEA WITH HAM.

- ARNIE, COULD I PLEASE HAVE SOME OF THIS?

- PUT IT BACK!

- LITTLE LADY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE ONE HELL OF A RIDE

IN MY SHOPPING CART?

- I THINK HE'S CRAZY.

- HAVE SOME RADISHES, PRINCESS.

- AND WHAT DO YOU THINK OF QUEERS?

- NOTHING, REALLY.

- BARKEEP!

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

- PUTTING MY PANTS ON.

- I WANT THREE FINGERS OF RED EYE.

HUSTLE IT UP, FAT MAN.

- THREE FINGERS.

SORRY, ONLY ENOUGH FOR TWO FINGERS.

- FIVE BEERS. - FIVE BEERS.

- HEY, GIRLS!

THERE'S BUSINESS OUT HERE.

- AND WE HAD TO COME AS HELL'S ANGELS.

- I'D LOOK RAVISHING IN THAT DRESS.

- COME ON, FELLAS.

THAT'S IT.

THE PARTY IS OVER.

- PARTY'S OVER.

- THE PARTY ISN'T OVER.

- SORRY. - NO, COOL IT.

- WAIT A MINUTE. HOW ABOUT YOU? COME ON.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

- WAIT.

- SON OF A BITCH.

- ALONE AT LAST.

- THIS IS FIT FOR A QUEEN.

- JESUS.

WHAT A NICE SETTING FOR MY CHINA.

- HILDEGARD, BRING IN A WATCH AND THE BLINDFOLD.

- READY...

SET...

GO.

- 15 SECONDS GONE, GENERAL.

- 25 SECONDS NOW.

- FINISHED.

- I'M SORRY, GENERAL.

YOU'RE STILL FIVE SECONDS OVER YOUR OWN MINIMUM.

- THEN, GODDAMN IT, RAISE THE MINIMUM

BY FIVE SECONDS.

I WANT THIS NEW TIME POSTED IN OUR NEWS BULLETIN IMMEDIATELY.

AND HILDEGARD,

THERE'S NO NEED TO MENTION THIS TO ANYONE.

RIGHT?

- ALL RIGHT. PUT THE SILVER DOWN.

COME ON, COME ON.

TWO FORKS. WE'RE HAVING SALAD.

LISTEN, PUT ONE OF THOSE IN HERE WITH THE ICE. COME ON.

WELL, LISTEN--

WAIT A MINUTE. I HAVE TO DO IT ALL MYSELF.

GET THE NAPKINS. COME ON. LET'S SET IT UP.

- FELLAS, I THINK WE'LL GO CRUISE,

AND LET HENRY AND DAVE DO THE TABLE.

- THANKS. THANKS.

GO ON.

- WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

- OH, GOD. OH...

DAVID, THE CANDELABRA.

YOU WERE IN CHARGE OF THE CANDELABRA.

I DON'T SEE THE CANDELABRA.

COME ON, WHERE ARE THEY?

- THEY'RE IN THE MOTORCYCLE.

- WELL, HONEY, GO GET THEM NOW, WILL YOU?

RUN!

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S GOING TO LOOK.

- WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE THEM?

- WELL, HONEY, DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?

LISTEN, PUT THEM ON THE TABLE.

SAY, BABY, I DON'T WANT TO TROUBLE YOU OR ANYTHING,

BUT HONESTLY, HONEY, WHERE ARE THE CANDLES?

I SUPPOSE THAT THEY'RE IN THE MOTORCYCLE TOO?

THEY'RE IN THE MOTORCYCLE.

GO ON, GO ON. FETCH. GO.

BITCH, BRING THE MATCHES TOO.

- HEY, GIRLS, GIRLS.

IT'S ALL READY. IT'S ALL READY.

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- NICE JOB.

AH, CANDLES. NICE JOB.

- WELL, LET'S GET INTO IT.

- DON'T EAT, DON'T EAT. I WANT TO SAY GRACE.

COME ON, SIT DOWN.

COME ON.

- ALL RIGHT.

- OH, HEAVENLY FATHER.

LET US KNOW THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP SHALL LAST THROUGH OUR PEOPLE

AND THROUGH THE ETERNAL LIFE OF YOUR EVERLASTING LOVE.

OH, LORD, GUIDE MY FELLOWS, AND LET US KNOW LIGHT

LIKE YOU TOLD ME BEFORE, THAT YOU DO LOVE US.

AND ALSO, DEAR GOD,

YOU REST MY FELLAS.

- OH, RONNIE. BEAUTIFUL. AMEN.

- IT'S TOO MUCH.

- DID YOU LIKE IT, THOUGH?

I KNEW YOU WOULD. I KNEW YOU'D LIKE IT.

- OH! OH, POUR THE CHAMPAGNE. POUR THE CHAMPAGNE.

- DO IT.

- YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY DID A GOOD JOB ON THE CANDELABRAS.

- POUR IT IN.

- YOU KNOW, ARNIE,

I NEVER KNEW MY DAD.

- FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES. HOW COME?

- HE WAS ALWAYS IN DRAG.

- BUNCH OF SIDE HACKERS.

COME HERE, YOU GUYS.

- HI.

- WHERE'S YOUR BROADS?

- WHERE ARE YOURS?

- WE GET OURS ALONG THE WAY.

- SO DO WE.

HEY, DAVE.

GO GET THE BROADS.

- YEAH, I COULD DIG IT.

- WHAT DO THEY CALL YOU?

- HEY, THIS IS ALL RIGHT.

- DIG IN, MAN. DIG IN. - ARNOLD?

- WHAT IS THIS PISS?

- WHERE ARE YOU FROM, MAN? YOU FROM ENGLAND?

- I'M FROM LIVERPOOL. - WHERE?

- LIVERPOOL. - WHERE'S LIVERPOOL?

- WHAT KIND OF TALK IS THAT?

- THAT'S GOOD STUFF, MAN.

- OH, MY GOD!

- ONE HELL OF A PARTY.

- AND LOOK AT ALL THEM BROADS.

- I FEEL VERY UNEASY. I THINK WE--

I THINK MAYBE WE COULD JUST SLIP OUT.

- WILL YOU JUST RELAX?

- I TOLD YOU WE GOT SOME BROADS, DIDN'T I?

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

- LINE UP. - JESUS, THAT BRUNETTE

MOVES JUST LIKE BERNICE.

- THAT ONE MUST WORK IN A WINE CELLAR.

- WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT?

- OH, MY GOD. WHAT'S THAT?

- SHE'S GOT A HEAVY SET ON HER.

- HOW YOU DOING, BABY?

- CHECKING OUT HER TEETH.

- THIS BROAD'S GOT A NICE SET OF TEETH.

- IS THAT HEAD OR TIT?

- I LIKE YOUR NEW SLANT ON THINGS.

- CHINA GIRL GOES SIDEWAYS.

- THIS IS A NICE, YOUNG PIECE.

- CAN YOU DIG IT?

OR WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING DARKER?

- BUZZ OFF.

- I CAN DIG IT.

- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, MAN. THAT'S MY OLD--

HEY, BUDDY, THAT'S MY OLD LADY.

- BUZZ OFF.

HUH, GRANNY?

YEAH?

- WAIT A MINUTE, MAN. I SAID THAT IS MY OLD LADY.

- I SAID, BUZZ OFF.

THE WOMAN OBVIOUSLY DIGS ME.

- YEAH, WELL...

OKAY, MAN.

I CAN DIG IT.

YOU WANT HER THAT MUCH, YOU TAKE HER.

SHE'S YOURS.

BUT I WATCH.

- HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

- DON'T GET LOST.

- RIGHT HERE'S AS GOOD A SPOT AS ANY, BABY.

SO WOULD YOU LIKE 10 POUNDS OF DANGLING FURY?

- YOU GOT ENOUGH TO DANGLE ON ME, BABY?

- COME ON. COME ON.

COME ON.

- BLACK IS NOT ONLY BEAUTIFUL,

IT'S GOOD.

- WAS THAT ALL RIGHT?

- IT WAS FINE, EXCEPT...

WELL, YOUR MOUSTACHE SORT OF TICKLES.

- OH.

- OH. WELL, THAT'S GREAT NOW. LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.

- I'M GONNA. I'M GONNA!

- HEY.

HEY, BRAD, WHAT'D THEY DO TO YOU, MAN?

HEY, MAN, LOOK AT ME.

- OH, MAN, THEY REALLY FIXED YOU UP, BRAD!

- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.

- I'LL KILL THOSE BANANAS.

I'LL KILL THEM! I'LL KILL THEM!

- WE'LL BE CHANGED AND AT THE PARTY

BEFORE THEY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

- MICHAEL, MICHAEL,

MY MOTORCYCLE IS MAKING FUNNY NOISES.

- WHAT HAPPENED, MAN?

- I DON'T KNOW, MIKE.

I THINK IT'S THE PLUGS. IT JUST WENT OUT.

- WE SHOULD HAVE FLOWN.

- YOU'RE ALWAYS FLYING, HENRY.

- WHAT ABOUT THIS THING HERE?

- NO, HE'S RIGHT.

IT'S THE PLUGS.

- OH, SHIT.

- HEY!

YOU WANT A RIDE?

- YEAH. JUST ONE MOMENT.

DAVE, YOU GO GET THE PLUGS

AND GET A PLUG WRENCH.

- YEAH, I WANT A RIDE.

- HAVE FUN, MAN.

- CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION, MAN? - SURE, ANYTHING YOU WANT.

- WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME GO, MAN? IT'S MY BIKE.

- WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY AUTHORITY?

- BECAUSE THAT'S MY BIKE. YOU GOT YOUR OWN BIKE.

- I WANTED DAVE TO GO. NOW DON'T EVEN QUESTION MY AUTHORITY.

- ALL RIGHT.

- NO, MAN. I DON'T SMOKE.

- OH, THAT'S RIGHT. I FORGOT.

HOW LONG YOU BEEN OFF?

- ABOUT FIVE YEARS, MAN.

EVER SINCE, LIKE, YOU HEARD OF BRISBANE?

YEAH, MAN. LIKE, YOU KNOW,

IF YOU COULD SEE YOUR LUNGS, YOU KNOW,

REALLY, YOU'D TURN OFF RIGHT AWAY.

- YEAH, BUT I DIG SMOKING.

YOU KNOW I WORK UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE, MAN.

AND IT RELAXES ME, YOU KNOW.

WELL, I GUESS I JUST WON'T SMOKE.

- SO THROW IT AWAY, BABY.

THROW IT AWAY. - NO, MAN. I DIG IT.

- HEY, COULD I HAVE A DRAG, MAN?

- I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T SMOKE, MAN.

- ONE PUFF DOESN'T HURT YOU, MAN.

- OH, YEAH? - YEAH, THAT'S MY SCENE.

- OKAY.

- ONE. - ONE PUFF.

YOU'RE A ONE-PUFF FREAK, HUH?

- THAT'S IT. - ONE PUFF.

- OH, MAN.

PUFF IT UP.

- PUFF IT UP.

- PUFF. - PUFF UP.

I'M GOING TO DO A PUFF-UP.

- I HAVE BEEN RAPED.

ALL FOR YOUR FRIGGING SPARK PLUG.

- AT LEAST YOU GOT IT, MAN. YOU WERE RAPED?

- I WAS RAPED!

- NOWHERE IN THE ANNALS OF THIS GREAT COUNTRY'S HISTORY

HAVE A DEDICATED FEW SUCH AS OURSELVES

TAKEN ON THE GREATEST CHALLENGE THE WORLD HAS PUT BEFORE US.

- DAMN IT, HILDEGARD, WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?

I TOLD YOU TO HOLD MY CALLS.

WHO?

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO BEFORE?

PUT HIM ON.

HELLO THERE, SENATOR.

YES, YES.

WE GOT YOUR CONTRIBUTION.

CERTAINLY IT'S APPRECIATED.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT, SENATOR. LAW AND ORDER.

BELIEVE YOU ME,

WE'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT WHEN THE TIME COMES.

NOTHING I'D LIKE MORE

THAN TO NAIL A FEW OF THOSE LONG-HAIRED BASTARDS.

CERTAINLY.

THE UTMOST OF DISCRETION WOULD BE USED.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

THEY NEVER SUSPECTED THAT WE WERE BEING FINANCED

BY YOU PEOPLE UP THERE.

ALL RIGHT, TOM.

WE'LL KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

- WHEN I FIND THOSE CUPCAKES, THEY DIE.

- I WANT A ROOM, NOW.

- I'M JUST THE WAITER.

I'M TAKING OVER FOR A HOTEL CLERK.

- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR PROBLEMS.

I WANT A ROOM.

- WHAT KIND?

- A ROOM WITH A BATH.

- OH.

OH. UM, HERE.

WE HAVE--

HERE'S A ROOM ON-- 604.

- NO, I WANT TO BE HIGH UP.

WHAT'S THE HIGHEST ROOM YOU HAVE HERE?

- THE TENTH FLOOR.

- GIVE ME A ROOM ON THE TENTH FLOOR.

THIS CAT IS UNREAL.

- HERE WE ARE.

SUITE 1040.

- THAT'S FINE.

- THE MANAGEMENT REQUIRES THAT YOU MAKE A DEPOSIT.

- NO, NO. MY SIGNATURE'S GOOD ENOUGH.

CAN YOU READ THAT? - OH, YES. CERTAINLY.

NO PROBLEM.

- NO NAMES, PLEASE. JUST GIVE ME THE ROOM.

SOMETIME TODAY?

ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE THE BAGS UP.

OH, NO.

THE BAG WITH THE DRESS IS MISSING.

OH, THOSE GUYS MUST HAVE COPPED IT.

FINE.

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO.

YOU TWO DUMMIES TAKE THE BAGS UPSTAIRS.

WE'LL GO INTO TOWN

AND OUTFIT RONNIE FROM HEAD TO TOE, OKAY?

MOVE IT.

- CAN I HAVE THE KEY?

- YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, FELLAS.

- SOME LADY FRIENDS OF MINE

ARE COMING IN HERE

TO BUY A DRESS.

FIT THEM UP.

- NICE.

THEY CERTAINLY ARE NICE QUARTERS.

- AND A LOVELY VIEW OF THE OCEAN.

- IT IS A LOVELY VIEW.

- CALL ROOM SERVICE

AND HAVE THEM SEND UP TWO NICE,

TALL COOL DRINKS.

- ARNIE?

- JUST PICK IT UP.

- OH, HELLO. ROOM SERVICE?

YES, COULD YOU SEND UP SOMETHING TALL AND COOL.

OH, NO, THAT'S A DRINK.

HEY, JUST A MINUTE.

ARNIE, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- OH, I DON'T CARE.

JUST AS LONG AS IT'S STIFF, STIMULATING TO MY THROAT.

- SOMETHING STIFF AND STIMULATING TO ARNIE'S THROAT.

THANK YOU.

UH, SEND ONE FOR ME TOO.

THANK YOU.

THEY'RE COMING UP.

- WELL, SHALL WE GET READY?

- LET'S START.

- NOW, WE NEED SOME MAKEUP FOR RONNIE,

AND I COULD USE A LITTLE MYSELF.

- YOU DON'T NEED MAKEUP. YOU NEED A MIRACLE.

- YOU'LL BE SORRY.

- I NEED SOME LIPSTICK, HONEY.

- WHAT COLOR?

- WELL, STRAWBERRY/RASPBERRY.

YES, SOME PERFUME

AND SOME LASTING BEAUTY.

AND DON'T FORGET THE BLUE CHIP STAMPS.

- WE DON'T GIVE ANY.

- THEN GIVE ME GREEN STAMPS.

- WE DON'T HAVE ANY I'VE EVER SEEN.

- HONEY, YOU'RE ON SOME KIND OF TRIP.

PRESS THE LIPS TOGETHER.

YOU LIKE IT?

- BEAUTIFUL.

- LET'S SPLIT.

- THANK YOU, SIR.

- I HEAR SOMEBODY COMING UP.

- GOODNESS SAKES.

CAN THEY SEE?

- I DON'T KNOW.

- OH, THAT'S CERTAINLY MUCH BETTER.

- YOU WANT TO BUY SOME DOPE?

- HONEY,

YOU WANT TO BUY SOME DOPE?

- I DON'T KNOW, EDDIE.

YOU WANT TO BUY SOME DOPE?

- WHAT KIND OF DOPE YOU HAVE?

- WELL, I GOT THC, STP,

ACID, TWO-WAY MESCALINE TABS.

I GOT EVERYTHING, UPPERS, DOWNERS.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- SHE'S TALKING TO YOU.

- WHAT KIND OF FREAK DO YOU WANT?

- I DON'T NEED ANY FREAK.

- COULD I HAVE A DRINK?

- LISTEN, I GOT--

HOW ABOUT A CAN OF NITROUS OXIDE?

- NITROUS SEC-SUS-SEC...

- NITROUS OXIDE.

- NITROUS EXSTAC...

WELL, I DON'T THINK SO. I DON'T THINK--

NO, I THINK THIS WILL BE ENOUGH.

- ALL RIGHT. IS THAT ALL?

- I THINK THE DRINKS WILL BE QUITE ENOUGH.

- I THINK SO. I THINK THE DRINKS ARE ENOUGH.

- YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING ELSE?

- NO, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING, NO.

- THAT'LL BE ALL.

- OKAY.

- YOU WANT TO BUY A DRESS?

- WELL, YES, I WANT TO BUY A DRESS.

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FASHION, DEAR?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T.

NOW, LISTEN, HONEY, DO YOU HAVE A PEAU DE SOIE

OR SOMETHING IN A PRINT?

- OF COURSE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ONE?

- WELL, OF COURSE I WOULD. LET'S GO.

- OH, MY GOD. WHAT'S THAT?

- I GUESS IT'S CHEAPER THAN BUYING A MANNEQUIN.

- I LIKE IT. - WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

- I KNOW IT'S NOT EARLY NEWBERRY'S

LIKE THE FIRST ONE YOU MADE.

- IT DOESN'T MAKE IT, DARLING.

IT DOESN'T MAKE IT.

- IT MAKES IT A LOT BETTER THAN YOURS DID.

- YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE, BABY.

DON'T MAKE A SCENE.

EVEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS NICER THAN THAT.

- THAT IS TACKY.

I LIKE THIS.

- LISTEN, BABY, GET ANYTHING YOU WANT.

GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD.

- YOU LIKE IT?

SHE LIKES IT.

- SO GO ON. - IT'S SUBTLE.

- CAN I HELP YOU?

- YES, BE A PRINCE AND GET SOME SANDALS FOR CINDERELLA.

SIZE 11.

- THERE'S A PRETTY ONE.

- DON'T LIKE IT. DON'T LIKE IT.

- SOMETHING A BIT MORE STYLISH.

- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?

- POLISH IMPORTS.

- I LIKE IT.

- I DO TOO.

- EARLY CARMEN MIRANDA.

- YOU CHOSE THE DRESS AND IT GOES WITH IT.

- SO DO THESE.

- HOW MUCH?

$20.

- THE OTHER ONE, PLEASE.

- WE'LL TAKE THEM.

PAY.

- CAN I HAVE A PURSE?

- HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?

- HOW MUCH IS THAT?

HOW MUCH?

- $5.

- HEY, PAL, YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING

IN A SIZE 42 TOE TAP FOR MY LITTLE FRIEND, DO YOU?

- NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.

- RIGHT.

- HUG ME WITH YOUR EYES, FOOL.

- DON'T GO AWAY MAD.

- I DON'T KNOW, DARLING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- IT WASN'T MY CHOICE, HONEY.

- I COULD GO COCKTAIL.

- I LIKE IT OVER THERE.

- HEY, CHARLIE.

THE NIGHT WILL BE VERY GOOD FOR YOU.

- WHY NOT.

- WHAT A DIVE.

- BE THANKFUL WE'RE HERE.

- AREN'T YOU LARGER THAN LIFE.

- MAKE ROOM.

- THERE A WAITRESS AROUND HERE?

- YES, I BELIEVE WE'D LIKE SOME COCKTAILS.

WHAT ARE YOU HAVING, DANA?

- RUSTY NAIL.

- LET'S SEE. I THINK I'LL HAVE A TOM COLLINS.

- I'D LIKE A VODKA MARTINI.

- BLOODY, BLOODY MARY.

- I'LL TAKE THE SAME AS MICHELLE.

THANK YOU, DARLING.

- OH, DARLING, WHERE'D YOU GET YOUR PEARLS?

- WE CAN RELAX NOW.

- MICHELLE?

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO US THIS EVENING, EARLIER.

- NO.

- WELL.

- THAT'S GOOD.

- NO, YOU TELL IT.

- THIS GIRL CAME INTO THE ROOM

COMPLETELY IN THE NUDE.

- NUDE?

- AND OFFERED US A DRINK.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.

- THIS JOINT'S GOT SOME REAL CLASS.

- GET THE BANANAS. - WHAT'S A BANANA?

- CUPCAKES.

- THEY'RE ON THE TOP FLOOR.

- TOP FLOOR.

- WAIT, LET'S CHECK THE BAR.

ARLA,

DID ANYBODY EVER TELL YOU YOU LOOK LIKE OLIVER HARDY?

- YOU DO.

- IT'S SO FUNNY. IT'S TOO MUCH.

- HEY, FRED. LOOK AT THE BROADS OVER THERE.

- BUT WHERE'S THE ACTION?

- HEY, THAT'S RIGHT.

HE LOOKS FAMILIAR.

- UH-OH.

- OH, MY STARS AND GARTERS.

- GODDAMN, IS THAT ONE UGLY.

- HELLO.

- HELLO, DARLING.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME? - MICHELLE.

- MICHELLE. - WHAT'S YOURS?

- WHY, HELLO THERE.

- PLEASE, PLEASE.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

WHOOPS. OH!

- THERE YOU GO.

- WHAT KIND OF BIKE DO YOU HAVE?

- A MOTORCYCLE GANG?

HOW THRILLING.

- MAYBE WE COULD GO FOR A LITTLE RIDE.

- CAN WE REALLY?

- OH, BIG MACHINES MUST BE THRILLING.

- I LIKE YOU.

- THERE'S A PARTY TONIGHT.

- HEY, HEY, THERE'S A PARTY.

- OH, YOU GOT A PARTY GOING?

- WE'RE ALL GOING.

- CHECK!

- WE'RE GOING TO THE PARTY.

COME ON, WE'RE GOING TO THE PARTY.

- YOU GOING ON THOSE BIKES? - MAKE IT A PARTY.

- ON THE BIKE?

- MOTORCYCLES?

- SOMEBODY FORGOT HER PURSE.

- CURTSEY, CURTSEY.

- WHAT?

MOTORCYCLES?

HOW MANY?

- ABOUT 20 OF THEM, SIR.

AND THEY HAVE GIRLS WITH THEM.

- NOW, DON'T WORRY.

I'LL HANDLE THIS.

MISS ELLEN, THEY'RE HERE.

THEY'RE HERE. NOW ALERT THE SOUTH COAST

AND THE EAST COAST.

LET THEM GET INTO THE HOUSE BEFORE WE APPREHEND THEM.

I WANT TO TAKE THEM ALIVE.

- WATCH YOUR STEP.

- COME ON, BABY, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING ON?

- WHAT YOU DOING HERE? - HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

- WAIT A MINUTE, FOLKS.

- VERY CLASSY PARTY.

WE'RE HERE LIKE LADIES.

- FREEZE OR DIE!

- TROOP CONCENTRATION FOR THIS MONTH:

6,500 MEN.

YOU CAN GO NOW. I'LL CALL YOU IF I NEED ANYTHING FURTHER.

MISS ELLEN, HOLD MY CALLS.

I KNOW. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW HOW YOU'VE BEEN

DRAGGED INTO THIS MESS BY A GROUP OF CUNNING ANIMALS

WHO WILL STOP AT NOTHING

TO WRECK THIS GREAT COUNTRY OF OURS.

I HAVE TO KNOW

WHO THEY'RE WITH.

WHAT THEIR PLANS ARE.

WHAT THEY'RE DOING HERE.

- ISN'T THIS A PARTY?

A BALL? A DRAG?

- I'M WILLING TO HELP YOU IF YOU HELP ME GET THE INFORMATION

ON THE REST OF THEM.

NOW, YOU GIRLS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO--

- WHAT GIRLS, HONEY?

THERE ARE NO GIRLS.

- FAGGOTS.

- NOTHING I'D LIKE BETTER

THAN TO NAIL A FEW OF THOSE LONG-HAIRED BASTARDS.

OF COURSE, THE UTMOST OF DISCRETION WOULD BE USED, SIR.

- WRONG, WRONG.

WRONG, WRONG.

WRONG, WRONG, PARTY, PARTY, PARTY.